In episode twenty-two of the 48 Ways series during the Omer, Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe teaches Erech Apayim — “slow to anger” or “control your anger” (patience and acceptance of frustration). This is the final “limited” way before shifting to positive character traits. We must accept that things do not always go our way, embrace differences, and learn to appreciate opinions that differ from our own.

Rabbi Wolbe identifies the core problem of our generation as the “I” culture — everything is about “me” (iPhone, iPad, etc.). This self-centeredness leads to intolerance: if I don’t like your opinion, I can hurt or damage you. As Jews, we are meant to be a light unto the nations by showing how to live with warmth and friendship despite deep differences in religious, political, or philosophical views.

Anger is likened to idol worship in the Talmud because it allows another power to take control. It often stems from a lack of bitachon (trust in Hashem). Everything comes from God, and challenges are tailor-made for us — only we can handle our specific tests. A person should habitually say, “The world was created for me” (bishvili nivra ha’olam), realizing their challenges were designed perfectly for their growth.

Practical teachings include making small adjustments like the trim on an airplane to stay on course amid changing winds; learning patience from Rav Preida, who explained a lesson 400 times (and then another 400 when the student was distracted); and recognizing that righteous people fall seven times and rise again — the ups and downs are the healthy rhythm of life (like a heartbeat). Anger causes us to lose wisdom (“if someone was smart, their wisdom leaves them when angry”). Even Rav Moshe Feinstein once appeared to yell sternly at a student, but it was deliberate acting — he himself remained calm.

Anger never helps; it destroys relationships, marriages, and personal growth. Instead, accept frustration, make small corrections, and use every situation — good, bad, or ugly — as an opportunity to grow and connect more deeply with Hashem.

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Recorded in TORCH Centre - Studio B on May 20, 2022, in Houston, Texas.
Released as Podcast on July 2, 2022

The 49 days we count between Pesach (Passover) and Shavuot are an exciting time for powerful and impactful change. The Mishna (Avot 6:6) teaches us 48 masterful tools and ways to maximize life and get the most out of each day.
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Share your questions at aw@torchweb.org or visit torchweb.org for more Torah content.
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About the Host:
Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH in Houston, brings decades of Torah scholarship to guide listeners in applying Jewish wisdom to daily life. To directly send your questions, comments, and feedback, please email: awolbe@torchweb.org

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Other podcasts by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe:

NEW!! Hey Rabbi! Podcast: https://heyrabbi.transistor.fm/episodes
Prayer Podcast: https://prayerpodcast.transistor.fm/episodes
Jewish Inspiration Podcast: https://inspiration.transistor.fm/episodes
Parsha Review Podcast: https://parsha.transistor.fm/episodes
Living Jewishly Podcast: https://jewishly.transistor.fm/episodes
Thinking Talmudist Podcast: https://talmud.transistor.fm/episodes
Unboxing Judaism Podcast: https://unboxing.transistor.fm/episodes
Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection: https://collection.transistor.fm/episodes

For a full listing of podcasts available by TORCH at http://podcast.torchweb.org
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Way 22: Control Your Anger, Accept Frustration [Jewish Inspiration]