Podcast Summary: Raising Good Humans

Episode: 10 Practical Ways to Boost Cooperation and Listening in Kids
Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman
Date: February 6, 2026

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist and parent educator, unpacks ten practical strategies to increase cooperation and listening in children. Drawing from her professional expertise and personal parenting experience, Dr. Pressman addresses common struggles – from persistent power struggles with spirited kids to over-compliance in people-pleasers – and offers realistic, actionable tips tailored to children’s developmental stages. The episode emphasizes respect, agency, clear communication, and learning from mistakes, all with the larger goal of raising “good humans” and creating a more joyful family dynamic.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reflect on Your Child’s Disposition and What Truly Matters

[00:01-02:20]

• Children differ in their natural compliance; some are people-pleasers while others are less compliant and thrive on agency.
• “If you are a people pleaser or you do bend in love, the kind of performative perfectionism you probably needed, someone who would give you more permission to blow it.” (Dr. Laura Markham, 00:45)
• Parents should determine which issues truly align with their values to avoid making meaningless demands that become “noise.”

2. “Tell, Don’t Ask” – Use Clear, Polite Demands

[02:20-04:35]

• Avoid phrasing nonnegotiable tasks as questions (e.g., “Do you want to put on your shoes?”). Instead, state expectations clearly but kindly.
• “Clarity is kindness, as they say.” (Dr. Laura Markham, 03:20)
• Provide a relevant reason with polite wording for more effective listening.

3. Offer Choices When Possible

[07:39-08:57]

• Agency boosts cooperation, especially for spirited kids. When there is genuine choice, always provide it.
• Limit to two options (not five or ten), e.g., “Do you want broccoli or string beans?” or “Shoes on at the door or elevator?”
• “When there is a choice, you want to provide it so that they learn both decision making for themselves... But it’s not that kids always have choices.” (Dr. Laura Markham, 07:52)

4. The “Freedoms List” – Problem-Solving for Desired Independence

[08:57-12:35]

• Collaborate with your child to make a list of freedoms they desire, ordered by current and future attainability.
• Connect additional freedoms to demonstrated responsibility and cooperation.
• “You want your kids to be more independent, you want to join them in imagining the fun that they'll have with their independence... you’re a collaborator, not a naysayer.” (Dr. Laura Markham, 11:20)
• Remind yourself: It’s about teaching responsibility, not control.

5. Notice Effort, Don’t Correct

[13:45-16:00]

• When children attempt or complete tasks, focus on noticing and appreciating rather than correcting mistakes or fixing the result.
• “If you're correcting how they load the dishwasher or how they make their bed, essentially you're saying you don't do it as well as I do... I want them to feel like, I know you're capable of doing this without me and it doesn't need to be perfect.” (Dr. Laura Markham, 15:09)

6. Don’t Assign Jobs You Prefer to Do Yourself

[16:00-17:14]

• Only delegate tasks that you genuinely want your child to handle; otherwise, taking over signals you don’t need their contribution.

7. Make Requests Developmentally Appropriate

[19:04-26:15]

• Tailor expectations and tasks to your child’s age and capacity; break larger jobs into smaller, manageable parts.
• Offers detailed examples by age, including creative ideas (e.g., “chore sticks” in a jar).
• “Nobody is motivated ... if there is not a chance that they’re going to be successful, if it’s an enormous burden.” (Dr. Laura Markham, 19:50)
• For teens, treat chores as genuine necessary contributions.

8. Model and Normalize Mistakes

[26:15-26:48]

• Show kids that mistakes are part of learning and everyone, including parents, is “a work in progress.”
• “Make a mistake when you're doing tasks ... and then forgiving yourself in front of them ... helps them know that when they do things that aren't perfect, your first go to isn't ‘well, good try, but—’” (Dr. Laura Markham, 26:15)

9. Praise Without “Caboosing” (Undermining with a Critique)

[29:51-31:25]

• Thank kids specifically for helpful actions—without tacking on a criticism or suggestion for improvement.
• “That's sort of like, well, they did something and here you are trying to say thank you for doing this but you’ve now basically told them why they didn't do it good enough.” (Dr. Laura Markham, 30:04)

10. Bite Your Tongue – Allow for Natural Consequences

[31:25-35:50]

• Restrain from constant reminders and let kids experience natural outcomes of their choices (especially as they grow).
• “If they don’t do it, see what happens with the natural consequences rather than trying to control everything... Remind them constantly. Nag them, because you're setting them up to rebel.” (Dr. Laura Markham, 31:46)
• Not every moment will be perfect: do your best more often than not.

Memorable Quotes

• “Clarity is kindness, as they say.” (03:20)
• “You want your kids to be more independent, you want to join them in imagining the fun that they'll have with their independence.” (11:20)
• “Nobody is motivated ... if there is not a chance that they’re going to be successful, if it’s an enormous burden.” (19:50)
• “Praise without caboosing because ... you remind them that they’re never going to please you because they’re never going to get it right enough.” (30:04)
• “When you can bite your tongue, let them be—do or not do the task. Especially as kids get older.” (32:10)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Types of compliance and why understanding it matters – [00:01-02:20]
• How to phrase demands for best results – [02:20-04:35]
• Giving choices and agency – [07:39-08:57]
• The “Freedoms List” tool – [08:57-12:35]
• Noticing vs. correcting; only delegate real jobs – [13:45-17:14]
• Developmentally appropriate requests & chores by age – [19:04-26:15]
• Modeling mistakes and self-forgiveness – [26:15-26:48]
• Praise without undercutting (no caboosing) – [29:51-31:25]
• Letting natural consequences teach – [31:25-35:50]

Closing Segment: Mindfulness Practice for Parenting Imperfection

[35:53-40:40]

• Dr. Pressman guides parents in a short “making friends with the imperfect present” mindfulness meditation.
• Focus: Noticing the environment, checking in with your body, and repeating, “I can tolerate my own flaws and inadequacies. I can tolerate my children's flaws and inadequacies… More often than not.”
• Links mindfulness and self-compassion to more effective, less perfectionistic parenting.

Summary Table: 10 Practical Ways to Boost Cooperation

| # | Tip | Brief Description | |----|-------------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------------| | 1 | Reflect on your child’s style & your values| Not every battle is worth fighting | | 2 | Tell, don’t ask | Make clear, polite demands, not fake choices | | 3 | Give real choices | Agency boosts cooperation | | 4 | Use a “freedoms list” | Collaborate on desired future independence | | 5 | Notice effort, don’t correct | Appreciate their way of doing tasks | | 6 | Don’t assign jobs you prefer yourself | Only delegate genuine household contributions | | 7 | Make requests age-appropriate | Set kids up for success | | 8 | Model mistakes | Normalize failure and learning | | 9 | Praise, don’t “caboose” | Don’t undercut appreciation with criticism | | 10 | Bite your tongue | Let natural consequences instruct |

This episode is packed with gentle, practical wisdom and real-world scripts to help any parent move beyond power struggles and toward genuinely collaborative family life. Dr. Pressman’s tone is compassionate and direct, always reminding listeners that perfection isn’t the goal—progress is.