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The following podcast is a Dear Media Production. Welcome to Raising good humans. I'm Dr. Eliza Pressman and today I am doing a solo episode because I got a lot of requests for this. A lot of people are thinking about gratitude right now because Thanksgiving is coming up. But what I am hearing more of is I just don't want my kids to be entitled. So how do I prevent my kids from growing up entitled when they have so much in their lives that can confuse them and make them act entitled? And Here are my 10 ways rooted in science with a little sprinkle of practical that can just be gauges on small ways we can make changes so that we are not raising entitled kids. If you enjoy this kind of episode, please write a review in Apple Podcasts. Just like a quick little something, I actually think you can do it in Spotify too. It helps get the word out, it helps me know what you want to hear. And it's super helpful. And of course, you know I have a book, the five Principles of Parenting. Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans. There's a lot about this in there and on my substack that's free. You can get all of this information on my website, dreliza. Com. I also on the website have a way for you to get in touch and a way for you to sign up for the extra zoom that we do once a month for Substack subscribers. And you can actually see a lot of the episodes divided both by age and topic of interest in case, you know, there are now over 300 episodes. And I know that a lot of people want to see what topics are most relevant to them. So first of all, I just want to say that one of the things that distinguishes privilege and entitlement is gratitude. So it does make a lot of sense over this sort of time of year where we talk about gratitude a lot. But here are some things that you can do. So number one, do a gratitude hunt. That means once a day, no matter what the mood, no matter what miserable, happy, or somewhere in between thing is happening, hunt for something good. This is something we can model and then we can get our kids to do it. That might mean that when you're rushing to the car to go to school, drop off, you stop and you see a flower and, and you note that it just is so beautiful. It doesn't need to be some deep, intense thing, but it is modeling that you stop, literally, and smell the roses. And you can also do an activity, you know, once, once a week, once a night, whatever is working for your Family. But you can do Rosebud and Thorn, which is talking about something that went well today. So that's a gratitude moment. Then you can talk about something you're looking forward to, a bud. And finally, don't forget to include a Thorn. Because one thing we know is that you can't just say, you know, you should be grateful. Don't, don't complain about something or don't feel bad about this. You have so much. Because those two things aren't mutually exclusive. And we don't want our kids to fake gratitude. What we want is for them to be able to say, you know what, this wasn't great today, but I did have something great that, that was part of my day. And if that was a little bit of ice cream, it doesn't have to be deep, but it could also be something like noticing that someone did something nice for you. So it's really important. And that is my first of the kind of reducing the likelihood of entitlement. The second thing, make sure that your kids are not always centered. Now, do I believe that we should have delight every day when we see our kids? Yes, delight in your child. Let them see your eyes light up when you see them. That doesn't mean that if you're in an adult conversation that you need to stop everything every time your child wants to say something. That doesn't mean that you have to go to every single game or every single thing to show them that you'll drop the the world for them. They want to know that if they really need you, that of course you're going to drop everything, but that when it's between a soccer game and you needing to do something for yourself once in a while, that that's okay, that that's survivable. Because if you are the center of someone's world, it's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure that makes you feel like, well, what will that person do when I try to have an independent life, fly free, do my thing. And it's also makes for a lot of assumptions that you should be the center of the universe. And it's really a bummer when you get out in the world entitled to be the center and you're not. So I will give you an example that is a small example that's personal, and then I'll give you sort of a older kid example. When I was in preschool, probably early, like daycare early, my mom, who by the way, was a kindergarten teacher at the time, she would drop me off and then pick me up. And the teacher, her name was Judy, would tell my mom that every time I did something, I turned to wait for someone to clap for me or react. That what I did was so amazing. And why did I feel entitled to that reaction? Because my mother, in this well meaning, beautiful way, clapped every time I did anything I did. I couldn't make a move without getting that kind of clapping and, you know, yummy, delicious support, which seems innocent. The reality is it took away my capacity to just do something for myself or do something out of curiosity. And also it made me feel entitled to have a reaction from other people every time I did anything, whether it was impressive or not impressive. So it's not going to turn your kid into, like a person walking around the world being like, give me accolades. I deserve everything. But it's like a small way that you can say, okay, of course, sometimes you're going to clap and elevate that experience, that. That accomplishment. But sometimes keep it still. Let your kids understand that they're not just doing things for everybody else to approve of it and to appreciate it. And now for a quick break so I can tell you about my sponsors.