10 Ways to Prevent Entitlement and Cultivate Gratitude

Summary

Podcast Summary: Raising Good Humans – Episode on Preventing Entitlement and Cultivating Gratitude

Podcast Information:

• Title: Raising Good Humans
• Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman
• Episode Title: 10 Ways to Prevent Entitlement and Cultivate Gratitude
• Release Date: November 22, 2024
• Description: Dr. Aliza Pressman offers realistic and trustworthy support for parents, providing effective parenting approaches and tools to make raising children less overwhelming and more joyful.

---

Introduction

In this solo episode of Raising Good Humans, Dr. Aliza Pressman addresses a prevalent concern among parents: preventing children from developing a sense of entitlement while fostering gratitude. With Thanksgiving approaching, the topic is particularly timely, focusing on strategies rooted in science and practical application to nurture well-adjusted, appreciative children.

---

1. Do a Gratitude Hunt

Timestamp: [02:30]

Dr. Pressman emphasizes the importance of incorporating gratitude into daily routines through a "gratitude hunt." This involves actively seeking something positive each day, irrespective of the day's overall mood.

• Key Points:

  • Parents model gratitude by noticing simple joys, such as appreciating a flower on the way to school.
  • Quote: "It's about modeling that you stop, literally, and smell the roses." ([02:45])

• Activity Suggestion:

  • Implement activities like "Rosebud and Thorn," where family members share something good (bud) and something challenging (thorn) from their day. This ensures that children understand gratitude doesn't negate acknowledging difficulties.

---

2. Ensure Kids Are Not Always the Center

Timestamp: [04:15]

Dr. Pressman discusses the pitfalls of making children the constant focus of parents' attention, which can lead to an inflated sense of self-importance.

• Key Points:

  • Parents should show delight in their children without making every activity revolve around them.
  • Personal Anecdote: Dr. Pressman shares how excessive praise in her preschool years led her to seek constant approval, fostering entitlement ([04:30]).

• Strategies:

  • Balance attention by engaging in adult conversations and activities, teaching children that their needs are important but not the sole focus.

---

3. Sometimes Miss a Game

Timestamp: [06:00]

While supporting children's extracurricular activities is important, Dr. Pressman advises parents to occasionally miss events to demonstrate that children are not the only priority in one's life.

• Key Points:
  • Missing a game occasionally teaches children resilience and that support isn't always guaranteed, mitigating entitlement.
  • Quote: "They are okay with not having me drop everything for them every single time." ([06:15])

---

4. Assign Chores

Timestamp: [07:30]

Chores are highlighted as a fundamental tool in preventing entitlement by instilling a sense of responsibility and contribution.

• Key Points:

  • Start chores early (as young as 3 years old), with age-appropriate tasks.
  • Quote: "Chores help kids feel less entitled and more of a contributor." ([08:00])

• Benefits:

  • Enhances competence, confidence, and academic performance.
  • Fosters appreciation for family members by contributing to household functioning.

---

5. Responding to Rudeness

Timestamp: [11:00]

Handling instances of children's rudeness appropriately is crucial in teaching respectful behavior.

• Key Points:

  • Recognize that rude behavior is developmentally appropriate.
  • Quote: "Don't take it personally; respond in a way that sets boundaries." ([12:00])

• Strategies:

  • Encourage children to rephrase rude comments respectfully.
  • Implement role-playing exercises to practice polite communication.

---

6. Set Expectations for Behavior When Getting Rides

Timestamp: [13:30]

Dr. Pressman advises establishing clear expectations for children's behavior during and after car rides, especially when receiving rides from others.

• Key Points:
  • Teach children to show gratitude by cleaning up any mess and thanking the driver.
  • Quote: "These minor things make a big difference in how children perceive gratitude and entitlement." ([14:00])

---

7. Make Gift Giving Fun

Timestamp: [16:50]

Transforming gift-giving from a chore into an enjoyable and thoughtful activity can reduce entitlement and enhance gratitude.

• Key Points:
  • Involve children in selecting, purchasing, and wrapping gifts for others, promoting empathy and generosity.
  • Quote: "They start to experience the world, not feeling entitled to receive, but excited to give." ([18:00])

---

8. Cultivate Kindness Recognition

Timestamp: [25:00]

Inspired by Adam Grant, Dr. Pressman underscores the importance of recognizing and appreciating acts of kindness.

• Key Points:

  • Encourage children to notice and acknowledge when others perform kind actions.
  • Quote: "Noticing and appreciating when somebody does something kind for you makes you more inclined to do the same." ([26:00])

• Activity Suggestion:

  • Incorporate daily or weekly discussions about acts of kindness witnessed or experienced.

---

9. Encourage Writing Thank You Notes

Timestamp: [28:10]

Developing the habit of writing thank you notes from an early age fosters gratitude and acknowledges the effort others make.

• Key Points:

  • Start with simple thank you notes during toddlerhood, gradually increasing complexity with age.
  • Quote: "Appreciative moments for people who are total strangers... helps kids hunt for the good." ([29:00])

• Benefits:

  • Enhances emotional intelligence and social appreciation.
  • Strengthens the understanding that actions have positive impacts on others.

---

10. Cultivate Empathy and Perspective-Taking

Timestamp: [32:00]

Empathy is presented as a cornerstone in preventing entitlement, enabling children to understand and appreciate others' experiences.

• Key Points:

  • Engage children in activities that encourage them to consider others' feelings and viewpoints.
  • Quote: "A kid who can empathize is a kid who's not going to walk through the world entitled." ([33:00])

• Strategies:

  • Use storytelling and real-life scenarios to discuss different perspectives.
  • Encourage reflective conversations about emotions and actions.

---

11. Practice Delayed Gratification

Timestamp: [35:00]

Although initially intended as a tenth point, Dr. Pressman introduces delayed gratification as an essential habit to prevent instant satisfaction desires, which can lead to entitlement.

• Key Points:

  • Teach children that not everything they want is available immediately.
  • Quote: "Delayed gratification helps us move through the world not expecting everything to happen on their timeline." ([36:00])

• Strategies:

  • Set clear expectations about wait times for rewards or responses.
  • Gradually increase the waiting period to build patience and self-control.

---

Conclusion

Dr. Aliza Pressman wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of these strategies in fostering gratitude and mitigating entitlement. She encourages parents to model these behaviors, integrate the suggested activities into daily routines, and maintain consistency to cultivate well-rounded, appreciative children. The focus remains on creating a balanced family environment where children learn to value contributions, practice empathy, and develop a healthy perspective on their place within the broader community.

Final Quote: "We are working in family systems, not alone. Delayed gratification helps us do that so that we can move through the world not expecting everything to happen when we want it on our terms." ([37:00])

---

Note: This summary intentionally excludes advertisement segments and non-content sections to focus solely on the valuable parenting insights shared by Dr. Aliza Pressman.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media Production.

[B]

Welcome to Raising good humans. I'm Dr. Eliza Pressman and today I am doing a solo episode because I got a lot of requests for this. A lot of people are thinking about gratitude right now because Thanksgiving is coming up. But what I am hearing more of is I just don't want my kids to be entitled. So how do I prevent my kids from growing up entitled when they have so much in their lives that can confuse them and make them act entitled? And Here are my 10 ways rooted in science with a little sprinkle of practical that can just be gauges on small ways we can make changes so that we are not raising entitled kids. If you enjoy this kind of episode, please write a review in Apple Podcasts. Just like a quick little something, I actually think you can do it in Spotify too. It helps get the word out, it helps me know what you want to hear. And it's super helpful. And of course, you know I have a book, the five Principles of Parenting. Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans. There's a lot about this in there and on my substack that's free. You can get all of this information on my website, dreliza. Com. I also on the website have a way for you to get in touch and a way for you to sign up for the extra zoom that we do once a month for Substack subscribers. And you can actually see a lot of the episodes divided both by age and topic of interest in case, you know, there are now over 300 episodes. And I know that a lot of people want to see what topics are most relevant to them. So first of all, I just want to say that one of the things that distinguishes privilege and entitlement is gratitude. So it does make a lot of sense over this sort of time of year where we talk about gratitude a lot. But here are some things that you can do. So number one, do a gratitude hunt. That means once a day, no matter what the mood, no matter what miserable, happy, or somewhere in between thing is happening, hunt for something good. This is something we can model and then we can get our kids to do it. That might mean that when you're rushing to the car to go to school, drop off, you stop and you see a flower and, and you note that it just is so beautiful. It doesn't need to be some deep, intense thing, but it is modeling that you stop, literally, and smell the roses. And you can also do an activity, you know, once, once a week, once a night, whatever is working for your Family. But you can do Rosebud and Thorn, which is talking about something that went well today. So that's a gratitude moment. Then you can talk about something you're looking forward to, a bud. And finally, don't forget to include a Thorn. Because one thing we know is that you can't just say, you know, you should be grateful. Don't, don't complain about something or don't feel bad about this. You have so much. Because those two things aren't mutually exclusive. And we don't want our kids to fake gratitude. What we want is for them to be able to say, you know what? This wasn't great today, but I did have something great that that was part of my day. And if that was a little bit of ice cream, it doesn't have to be deep, but it could also be something like noticing that someone did something nice for you. So it's really important. And that is my first of the kind of reducing the likelihood of entitlement. The second thing, make sure that your kids are not always centered. Now, do I believe that we should have delight every day when we see our kids? Yes, delight in your child. Let them see your eyes light up when you see them. That doesn't mean that if you're in an adult conversation that you need to stop everything every time your child wants to say something. That doesn't mean that you have to go to every single game or every single thing to show them that you'll drop the world for them. They want to know that if they really need you, that of course you're going to drop everything, but that when it's between a soccer game and you needing to do something for yourself once in a while, that that's okay, that that's survivable. Because if you are the center of someone's world, it's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure that makes you feel like, well, what will that person do when I try to have an independent life, fly free, do my thing. And it's also makes for a lot of assumptions that you should be the center of the universe. And it's really a bummer when you get out in the world entitled to be the center and you're not. So I will give you an example that is a small example that's personal, and then I'll give you sort of a older kid example. When I was in preschool, probably early, like daycare early, my mom, who by the way, was a kindergarten teacher at the time, she would drop me off and then pick me Up. And the teacher, her name was Judy, would tell my mom that every time I did something, I turned to wait for someone to clap for me or react. That what I did was so amazing. And why did I feel entitled to that reaction? Because my mother, in this well meaning, beautiful way, clapped every time I did anything I did. I couldn't make a move without getting that kind of clapping and, you know, yummy, delicious support, which seems innocent. The reality is it took away my capacity to just do something for myself or do something out of curiosity. And also it made me feel entitled to have a reaction from other people every time I did anything, whether it was impressive or not impressive. So it's not going to turn your kid into like a person walking around the world being like, give me accolades. I deserve everything. But it's like a small way that you can say, okay, of course sometimes you're going to clap and elevate that experience that, that accomplishment. But sometimes keep it still. Let your kids understand that they're not just doing things for everybody else to approve of it and to appreciate it. And now for a quick break so I can tell you about my sponsors.

[A]

I love Bobby because Bobby is the only mom founded and lead infant brand.

[B]

Company in the United States.

[A]

And the thing about Bobby's infant formula recipe is that it's USDA organic, it's clean label project certified. So they only use ingredients that your baby needs and nothing that they don't. That means none of that palm oil, alternate sugars, no fillers. And here's the thing, I understand that there is a lot of emotion around feeding, but I also understand your kids need to be fed and you need.

[B]

To feel good and safe.

[A]

So whether you are breastfeeding or formula feeding or some combination thereof, you do you because that's gonna be what's best for your kids. And then how wonderful that there is this formula that is available now that considers so much of the products that we need.

[B]

Because of course I want you to.

[A]

Feel confident when you're feeding your kids. I do not like the shaming.

[B]

Breastfeeding is magnificent for the people who.

[A]

Breastfeed and combo feeding is magnificent for the people who combo feed and exclusive formula feeding is magnificent. So I'm so glad that Bobbi has a product that I know moms can feel good about. Shop any of the Bobbi starter bundles to see why half a million families choose Bobbi. Right now, you can get 10% off your first subscription order of Bobbi's organic infant formula, plus free shipping on all subscription orders. For the duration of your feeding journey, you just use the code raisinggoodhumans10@hi bobbi.com.

[B]

That'S H I B O B B.

[A]

I E.com code raisinggood humans10 for 10% off your first subscription order. The offer is valid for first time customers only through 1231 24. This episode is brought to you in part by Saks.com now let's say you're looking for presents and you don't want.

[B]

To get a sentimental gift.

[A]

You really want to find like concrete wishlist gifts like Sarah Celine sunglasses or a fabulous candle or you're looking for.

[B]

A great outfit for a holiday party.

[A]

Or a wedding or something like that. You can find the perfect gift, especially when you're short on time because you just go online, click, boom, it's there and it's fun and inspired. They have holiday inspiration suggestions so Saks.com has a gift guide to make it easy to just think about who you need to get presents for and what they might want.

[B]

I go to saks.com and look for presents and for shopping for myself and I highly recommend this holiday season you get into that saks.com holiday gift guide and find something special for everybody that you are hoping to make feel fantastic. And also great decorations for just making the holidays feel extra special.

[A]

By the way, you can also make a personal wish list to forward to your partner or make a wish list for all the kids in the family and send it around to everybody so.

[B]

That you don't get repeat gifts.

[A]

You don't have to keep answering questions about what everybody wants. Find gifts guaranteed to bring joy to every hard to shop for person this.

[B]

[e-mail] Number three this is a little bit related. Well, it all is related. I want you to miss a game. Now if your kid plays on a sports team or they are, you know, doing anything that is kind of in a regular way happening as where you can be an audience member or a fan, go whenever you can, of course enjoy them, get in there. But also I want you to miss a game sometimes. I want you to have something else that you're doing and not able to drop it to show up. Not because I want you to be mean parents, but because I want your kids to know that sometimes they're not doing it for the audience and they can survive that moment. They can feel like, yeah, it would have been nice to have my parent there but they couldn't be there. They had something else they had to do and I'm okay. These are small little things that really do help our kids learn the difference between the wonderful experience of having that love and support and the expectation that every everybody needs to drop everything in order for this person to get love and support. Number four, chores. Chores. If I had to pick the number one thing to really make sure that you don't have kids that are walking through this earth entitled give them chores. First of all, it's also incredibly helpful around the house. And you can start chores as early as 3 years old. Especially with younger kids, they actually think it's fun to have a job. And then with older kids, they're not. And they're going to say they're busy and they're going to say they have too much homework. They have a test and you feel guilty and you're like, okay, I'll do the dishes this time. No, they can time manage so that they can get five minutes done of dishes, or they can make their bed in the morning, or they can contribute to cleaning the windows or washing the table or taking out the trash, no matter how busy they are. And it's really important as your kids get older and they start to have so much work and pressure and stress, and we start to feel like, oh, well, I couldn't possibly then ask them to take out the garbage. Yes, yes, you can. Kids who grow up having chores actually grow up happier people. And they definitely have a much lower risk of being entitled people because they know that they're expected to contribute to the community of their household, and then they'll contribute to the larger community. There are even studies showing that preschoolers who simply put their chair into the table after they get up, like before they go move on to a new activity. They just are doing something thoughtful to contribute to the community that they are a part of, that they do better academically later on. So not just social. Emotionally, it's pretty awesome. And it's also helpful to develop competence and confidence because you're actually contributing in a meaningful way to your household. Your parents and your family and your siblings appreciate it. And it's important for the day to run. So chores are a big deal. And I really want to remind you that we can teach our kids to help out with the dishes really young. We can teach our kids to chop up the vegetables pretty young. They are capable of doing things that are helpful around the house that take a little bit of effort and time. And then they don't feel like somebody is just following them around, cleaning up after them, clearing their dishes. They just leave things everywhere and somehow, miraculously, they come home from school and everything's been cleaned. Chores help kids feel less entitled and more of a contributor, and people who contribute to those around them feel better about themselves. Now, the one thing I've said about chores before, and I'll keep hammering that home, is that chores need to be obviously helpful. But like, if they don't do it perfectly, you can help guide them. But don't make it like, oh, I gotta redo this, I'm redoing the bed, I'm redoing the dishes. Because then they have no incentive to believe that they're actually making contributions. And now for a quick break so I can tell you about my sponsors.

[A]

I have a fantastic gift for you to get every grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling. If you have a college student who's missing you, Skylight Frames is so great. Basically it is a frame that you put up and you can just put pictures in whenever you want through your phone and it shows up to your loved one and it's so fun. And if you're missing someone over the holidays and you want them to be part of your festivities, boom.

[B]

Take a picture, put it right there and it's in their room.

[A]

So I just loved this as a gift if you get it for someone who has everything or seems to have everything or is hard to please, like for example, mother in law or something. I know mother in laws get a bad rap, but find me a mother.

[B]

In law who's not going to be.

[A]

So excited for a frame that keeps just arbitrarily showing fabulous pictures of their grandchildren. So if you are trying to find the perfect gift for family or friends who are far away, this is the perfect gift for you.

[B]

It's Skylight Frame.

[A]

It's a touch screen digital photo frame your whole family will love. You can upload actually thousands of photos with your phone and just they appear in seconds.

[B]

It's so easy to use. Setup takes less than 60 seconds.

[A]

You can invite friends and family to easily share photos via the free Skylight mobile app or email. So you don't need an account or a subscription or anything. And now as a special limited time offer for our listeners, get $20 off your first purchase of a Skylight Frame when you go to skylight frame.com humans.

[B]

That'S S-K-Y-L I G H-T F R-A.

[A]

M E.com humans get $20 off your purchase now at skylight frame.com humans I.

[B]

Want to tell you about my sponsor Lumi Lum has really cool Whole Body deodorant that is safe to use absolutely anywhere on your body. And I'm going to get specific for you. Pits under boobs, thigh folds, belly button, butt cracks, vulvas, even feet. It was created by an ob GYN who saw firsthand how normal body odor was being misdiagnosed and mistreated. And it's clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours. And what it is fantastic for is if you have adolescents who are playing sports or going to PE during the day and can't shower, I mean, you know that they're not gonna have the embarrassment of walking through the rest of the day being all stinky. They choose from a variety of fresh, bright scents like clean tangerine, lavender, sage, or my personal favorite, toasted coconut. Lume's first starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice, like the mini body wash and deodorant wipes, which are fantastic for, you know, a quick refresh during the day and free shipping. And as a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with their exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% of their starter pack. So use the code humans for 15% off your first [e-mail] that's code humans at L U M E D E O D O R A N T so you can support our show and tell them that we sent you smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lumi. Next, number five, responding to rudeness. So there comes a point in every, every parent's life when their adorable child says their first rude comment back, their first eye roll, their first, you know, moment where you think, oh, here we are. And then it gets bigger and bigger. By the time you have teenagers, being rude is sort of part of the game. Now, that is developmentally appropriate. I am not denying that it's not going to happen and it's developmentally appropriate. And I am encouraging you not to take it personally because it will drive you totally bonkers if you take it personally. And you don't have the time or energy for that and nor does your relationship, but if you can just take a breath and respond to it, you're going to help them not move through the world thinking that that's okay. So let me be clear. It is appropriate for their developmental stage to eye roll, to backtalk, and to be rude and to say things without saying please and thank you. But just because it's developmentally appropriate and I don't want you to take it personally, doesn't mean that you can't have the expectation that if they do it, there's going to be a response from you that lets them know it wasn't acceptable. So in the case of a rude comment, the first thing to do is obviously take a breath so that you don't, you know, lash out, but then say, hey, I want to help you out. I want you to say that again. Please do so in a different way. Because the way you just did it, you know, I can't respond to. Or for younger kids, you could say, should we have a do over? Let's do a do over. And you say that in a different voice. You can even give a suggestion with younger kids that they do it and pretend that they're doing it as a puppy. Then they can pretend to do it as a lion, and then they can pretend to do it as a very sweet superhero. So you're practicing different ways of using that voice. But they can't ask for what they want or demand what they want without using a respectful tone. Otherwise it would not make sense for you to keep responding to it. You know, get me this. And then you go get it. You're going to have a kid who's kind of entitled and rude to people because it works. So let's say they say, get me my bag. Then rather than, you know, of course, again, not taking it personally, but rather than saying, all right, they're just being a teenager and it's totally obnoxious, but I'm not gonna take it personally. So I'll just go get the bag. Just take a moment and say, I wanna help you. Please say that in a different way. They know they don't feel good being rude, but if it's fast and it gets the response that they're looking for, what? Why in the world would they stop? And more importantly, what if they go out into school and into another friend's house and they just do that? This brings me to number six. Make sure that you have expectations of your kids with how they treat people when they're getting a ride. So let's say you are driving a few kids to an activity after school. We all know the difference between the kids who you brought them a snack, let's say, and they leave the trash in the back seat and they kind of run out of the car and they don't say thank you it starts to bother you, right? So you don't want your kid to do that. So you can just say, I expect that when there is some food in the backseat and a person giving you a ride, that you would take the time to take it out, bring it to the trash, and say, thank you so much for the ride. This seems very small, but these are the things that I expect of you because it shows people appreciation. And we know that when we appreciate people, we are more likely to feel good about the experience and they are more likely to feel good about that interaction. So that means you have to do that in our car so that you can practice this. And then how wonderful when you hear from other people that they, you know, were thoughtful to the other parents. I definitely clock that. And I notice that some kids just automatically think to themselves, how can I be helpful and gracious? And other kids just expect that, oh, it's a parent. And parents will clean up after me and do whatever I want, whether they're mine or someone else's. So these minor things make a big difference. Number seven, make gift giving fun. Okay, so what I want you to start thinking about this holiday season, when you're trying to distinguish between sort of privilege and entitlement, is your kids can have the privilege of knowing that they're going to get fabulous holiday gifts and it's really exciting to get presents. But what I want you to try to do is help them get excited about the process of thinking about a really special present for their sibling and for other members of the family. So instead of doing that thing where we just have a long holiday list, we take care of it, we check the boxes. I want you to enlist your kids. I want them to have the beautiful feeling that we get when we do something nice for someone else. So ask them. Make it a habit, like they're choosing to use some of their allowance to buy a gift for their sibling. Make it so that they feel excited to give it to them. They were thoughtful, they thought of something interesting. Introduce them to Etsy or other places where you might find really fun, affordable things that they can do and have them contribute to it. They will be so excited. Have them wrap. Don't just like, wrap all the presents and sign their names to it. Enlist them in the process, because then it's so much more fun for them to see the joy that they've brought someone else. It also forces them to think about what another person would want and they get excited about it. If you just say, oh, it's Susie's birthday, here's the present you're supposed to give her and you wrote the card or I got the present, I wrapped it, just bring it in. It really takes away from the joy of giving a gift. So not only do they get more joy in giving gifts, but they also start to experience the world. Not feeling entitled to receive gifts, but actually seeing, oh wow, it feels really good to think about what somebody might want and participate and not only getting it, but wrapping it in a beautiful way or putting it in a pretty container or basket or bag with tissues. Whatever it is, let them contribute because they will feel like doing more and more of that. And that is another protector from having entitled kids. And now for a quick break so I can tell you about my sponsors.

[A]

I want to tell you about Meta's teen accounts because I talk so much about the different ways to parent on this podcast and obviously social media comes up so much teen relationships with social media, how we can be more protective of our kids around social media. And I was really excited that Instagram introduced Instagram teen accounts. So I'm thrilled to partner with them because these are automatic sets of protections for teens that they've built in to address parents top concerns. These concerns include content restrictions that place them in really restrictive settings, automatic filters for offensive comments or DMs contact limits so that a stranger cannot even message your teenager. They can only be messaged by people they follow and are in connection with. And also it default sets their profile to private, which is really important. That means that you actually have to go in and allow your teens to have a public setting, which I very much discourage.

[B]

So I really love that.

[A]

Instagram teen accounts are now built to give parents more peace of mind because there have been so many problems and we need to address these problems. And this was the first social media account to address them. There's a lot to do and screen time has also been an endless issue. So we've talked about the science of why having limits is a good idea. Now, the teen accounts, the other thing that I really appreciate is that they've set time limits, reminders, and also sleep mode, which is basically muting notifications overnight between 10 and 7am all these settings will be automatic, so there's absolutely nothing.

[B]

You have to do.

[A]

No parent needs to go into a setting to do it. It's just going to happen automatically. And that means that if you are under 16, you will need a parent's permission to change any of these settings.

[B]

To be less strict.

[A]

This is a step we really needed and I really Want to support Instagram's efforts to making the teen accounts more safe.

[B]

There's something truly special about gathering around the table with family and friends during this holiday season and any holiday season. And at the heart of every holiday meal is good food we share. So Good Ranchers is here to make your Thanksgiving extra special and stress free.

[A]

This Thanksgiving I am going to give you an exclusive code for your free Thanksgiving ham that comes in your first delivery of Good ranchers. That's a 10 pound spiral cut ham that's $110 in value and it's completely free. Full disclosure, I do not eat ham.

[B]

But if I did, I would be.

[A]

Ordering this and I have family that does. And it's really hard to find 100% American source meat, but we want American sourced meat because there are no antibiotics, no hormones, no seed oils. It's local and you can trust the American process. It's steakhouse quality so it actually tastes better and you won't want to go back to any other meat. And it saves time and money because all the cuts are pre trimmed. That's my favorite part because that makes meal prep easier. And also I do not like cutting fat off meat. It grosses me out. They're all individually packaged and vacuum sealed.

[B]

Too so you have less waste and.

[A]

You never have to throw freezer burn cuts away again. Subscribe to any good rancher's box and use my special code humans to get a free Thanksgiving ham with your first order plus free express shipping. Now if you want this free ham you got to do it quickly because the offer is going to go lickety split.

[B]

Goodranchers.com America's meat delivered number eight now this is something that I got from Adam Grant who used to ask his kids what was something kind that you did today? And then he started to add another question which is what did someone else do that was kind for you today? And it really helped the kids notice. Hey, it really feels like something special when somebody was just thoughtful to to you and so it makes you more inclined to notice and appreciate other people. And it also feels like, oh, I want to do that for someone else. I want someone else to experience the feeling of me doing something kind. So just try that at the dinner table or maybe once a week you talk about it, but make it a habit of noticing and appreciating when somebody does something kind for you and you will be more likely to do the same thing for others. Number nine so this is something that, you know, I struggled with because I thought it was a formality And I, you know, I like kind of old school formalities like using Mr. And Mrs. But writing thank you notes is a habit to build starting as young as toddlerhood. Now, obviously you're going to have to help because writing thank you notes and truly taking the time not only to be thoughtful about gift giving and what it means and how it feels to do nice things for other people, but also recognizing how to appreciate in a meaningful way something that was done for you is incredibly helpful to remove. You know, like again, there's a privilege in getting and receiving, but there is an entitlement in not thanking and not truly appreciating. So have your kids from as young as three, even if they just draw like a couple of lines and then you write the words that they dictate for you, that's like the next step. And then over time, they're the ones who are writing them. It takes time. It's an activity. And by the time you get, you know, teenagers, they might again be too busy for that. But really taking that time to appreciate and share how it's being appreciated to someone else and name specifically why that felt so good to receive that gift is incredibly important. And along those lines, not just, not just appreciating people who are giving you gifts, but writing notes to the person who is the UPS guy who's delivering all of the boxes that are coming to the house so that you can then have the gifts to then wrap the gifts to then give them away. They deserve a thank you note. Those appreciative moments for people who are total strangers, who are doing nice things for you. And every single day is going to be an incredibly important way for you to distinguish privilege and entitlement. You really need to do it yourself in order for kids to let it sink in. So draw a picture and put it on the door that has like a thank you for the UPS guy, leave a little note in the mailbox for the mailman, and don't just count on, oh, well, my parents might leave a little present for these people in our lives who I don't really know, but they do make my world go more smoothly. Enlist your kids in that. It didn't just appear, the package didn't just appear. There is someone that took their time and made your day better, so let's appreciate them. And you can do the same thing from teacher to mailman to the grocer to anybody that you know has made your kids lives just a little bit better. And they had no idea. Writing letters, drawing pictures, making It a part of their way of showing appreciation really helps them over time, hunt for the good and see that these things don't just happen. Appreciation goes such a long way and it grows over time. Now, again, they don't need to be grateful for it. They don't need to feel that way. You're showing them how to let people know. And over the years, even if it's annoying now, it's going to be part of them. It's. They're going to know, like, oh, it feels good to share appreciation. It feels good to let people know what they meant to me and what they contributed in my life. That way, again, they're not walking through the world with the expectation that things just happen for them and they don't have to do anything about it. And finally, number 10, really cultivate empathy and perspective taking. Because you can't really be entitled to acting if you have capacity to understand the experience of others. And you can do this whether you're reading a book and wondering about how the other character feels or whether you're on the playground and you're watching different people interact and you ask, oh, what do you think this child was feeling? Why do you think they did that? And then ask about another child, ask about another parent, or with siblings in general, you really want to play around with perspective taking and empathy because a kid who can empathize is a kid who's not going to walk through the world entitled because they recognize the sheer privilege of not being in the shoes of someone who's having a worse experience. So that's something to really cultivate and it's something that you can consider all the time. What doesn't make kids not feel entitled is forcing, you know, a few feeling. So you can't force a kid to feel grateful and you can't force a kid to feel empathy, and you can't force a kid to feel anything. You can teach them the skills and you can make sure that they have the behaviors that kind of get baked into the system and build that and you can model it in your own behavior. I hope everybody has a wonderful holiday. I know that we are trying to build these incredibly grateful kids who experience the world with the privileges of having parents who are thoughtful and have capacity to be there for them. And also we don't want them to be entitled. So now's the time to share space with other people and allow them to not be the center of the universe and entitled to everything they want when they want it. I forgot one thing, okay? I couldn't stick with 10. I need to do one more delay gratification. Make sure that every day in the smallest ways doesn't have to be big stuff. You help your kids experience delayed gratification so they want something and they want it right now. You can just let them know you understand that they want it right now, that it's really hard not to get something you want right away, but that here's when they're going to get it and it's not going to be right now. And you practice this until they stop expecting it to be right away. Because we also live in a time when you can just want something. There it is. They don't have to wait for really long periods of time to get something. Amazon can get it right away. And I'm not just talking about presents. I'm talking about when dinner is going to be served. I'm talking about when they need your answer to a question, but you have something else that you're busy doing so you can't get to them right away. They need to know that everything doesn't happen exactly when they want it to happen on their timeline because they are not the center. They are one of the most, you know, centered people in your life because they're your child. But maybe they have siblings. Maybe they have a grandparent at the house. Maybe you have a partner. Maybe you're thinking about yourself. We are working in family systems, not alone. Delayed gratification helps us do that so that we can move through the world not expecting everything to happen when we want it on our terms.

[C]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.