Podcast Summary: Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman Episode: How to Actually Handle Feelings with Dr. Marc Brackett Air Date: September 19, 2025

Overview

In this engaging episode, Dr. Aliza Pressman welcomes Dr. Marc Brackett—Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and best-selling author of Permission to Feel—to discuss the practical how-to’s of emotion regulation for both adults and children. Dr. Brackett shares research-based strategies from his new book, Dealing with Feeling, and the two psychologists get candid about the messy realities of parenting, emotional contagion, and learning to handle feelings in ourselves so we can genuinely support our kids. The conversation is filled with warmth, humor, and actionable advice for parents and caregivers who want to foster healthy emotional skills in their homes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Write Dealing with Feeling? (01:05)

• Dr. Brackett explains the evolution from his earlier book (Permission to Feel) to a deeper dive into emotional regulation as the most requested need by parents and professionals during the pandemic.
• He shares how the pandemic exposed gaps in our emotional coping skills—even for experts. Personal stories illustrate that everyone struggles sometimes (e.g., cohabitating with his mother-in-law for eight months).

Quote:
"People started writing me and say, you know, Mark, thank you for giving me permission to feel, but what the blank do I do with all these freaking feelings?"
—Dr. Marc Brackett (01:45)

2. Defining Emotion Regulation (03:30)

• Dr. Brackett offers a clear and inclusive definition: "It's using our emotions wisely to achieve our goals"—not about denial or mere self-control, but purposeful engagement.
• He outlines five functions: prevent, reduce, initiate, maintain, and enhance emotions, covering anticipatory regulation, reducing intensity, cultivating desired feelings, holding onto positive states, and amplifying them.

Quote:
"Emotion regulation is the thoughts and the actions that we use to prevent unwanted emotions, reduce the difficult ones, initiate the ones we want to feel, maintain the ones that we want to keep, and enhance the ones that we want to have—in the service of having good well-being, making decisions, having good relationships, and achieving our goals."
—Dr. Marc Brackett (06:41)

3. The Central Role of Emotion Regulation for Parents (07:00)

• Dr. Brackett boldly declares emotion regulation "the most important skill you can teach yourself and your kids."
• He references his experience at Yale, observing students outwardly perfect but internally overwhelmed and anxious, underscoring emotion regulation as essential life curriculum.

4. Home Curriculum and Co-Regulation (11:37)

• Dr. Pressman asks how parents can make emotional regulation part of everyday family life before it enters school curricula.
• Brackett insists that adults must take the lead: "You gotta deactivate before you can co-regulate" (11:57) and discusses the dangers of "co-dysregulation," when adults transmit their own stress to children.

Memorable Exchange:
Pressman: "What's the word for co-regulation when you're not regulated?"
Brackett: "Call it co-dysregulation." (13:09)

• The hosts get real about moments of parental dysregulation, with Pressman humorously recounting a time she lectured her daughter—a story that resonates for many listeners. (14:01)

5. The Meta-Moment: A Practical Framework (16:30)

• Dr. Brackett introduces the "Meta Moment"—a stepwise process for catching oneself before reacting automatically.
  1. Sense what you’re feeling (sometimes even just “this is not good”).
  2. Pause—"underrated, but crucial."
  3. Take a breath, and pivot your attention from the trigger to your values and the parent/self you want to be.
  4. Use cues (like a ring, bracelet, or a physical symbol) as reminders to check in with your best self.
  5. Strategize and choose your response rather than react.

Quote:
"In that breath: best self, best self, best self. … It could be a ring on your finger to remind you, a bracelet, an image. Then you strategize through that lens. … And it works really well."
—Dr. Marc Brackett (22:51)

• Dr. Pressman reflects: pairing physical/visual cues with mindful breathing is more effective for her than relying on breath alone. (23:45)

6. Developmental Examples and Teaching Kids (30:52)

• The Meta Moment is adaptable for young children, who can use physical actions (deep breaths, drawing, squeezing a ball) and visual strategy walls to choose coping strategies.

• Dr. Brackett shares a charming example:
  Kindergarten Song:
  "Meta moment, Meta moment, help me find my super me, Meta moment, Meta moment, help me find my strategy." (31:20)

• Kids are encouraged to self-select coping strategies: "Emotion regulation doesn’t have to be that complicated. When you’re five ... it’s developmental." (31:39)

7. Permission to Feel + Reframing Emotions (33:43)

• Dr. Brackett emphasizes that regulation doesn’t mean suppressing feelings; it's about using and reimagining them.
• He shares his personal journey reinterpreting anxiety—not as a threat but as a sign he cares deeply about his work.

Quote:
"I have reimagined what anxiety means for me … You’re anxious about things you’re passionate about and really care about. Why would that be a bad thing?"
—Dr. Marc Brackett (34:31)

• He adds, emotional patterns are often inherited: "I learned to be dysregulated when I felt anxious from my mother … she would just get so flustered and so overwhelmed." (35:11)

8. Always Approach, Never Avoid (36:44)

• Key principle: with children’s emotions—especially negative ones—parents should "always approach, never avoid." This is a memorable, actionable mantra.

Quote:
"Parent-child is always approach, never avoid. Of course, it’s a signal that a need is not being met. It’s a signal that something is wrong in that child’s environment and they need co-regulation."
—Dr. Marc Brackett (36:44)

9. Long-Term vs. Short-Term Emotional Goals (43:24)

• Dr. Pressman asks about reconciling immediate emotional strategies with larger parental goals.
• Brackett advises balancing short-term de-escalation (e.g., removing oneself, taking deep breaths) with later, skillful reflection and repair—when calm returns.

Quote:
"In the beginning, it’s a meta moment. … That fuse or that space between stimulus and response gets shorter and shorter the more skillful you get."
—Dr. Marc Brackett (46:42)

10. Managing Impermanence & Building Hope (47:09)

• Brackett highlights coaching himself and others through difficult feelings by reminding that "emotions are temporary; they are impermanent. Just like the tide of the ocean, it always comes in and always goes out." (49:17)
• Parental empathy, modeling, and coaching help children develop this perspective.

11. Celebrating Positive Empathy (51:40)

• The episode closes with a powerful lesson: preserving and savoring positive emotions is as crucial as responding to negative ones.
• Brackett recounts teaching children to practice "positive empathy"—helping others deepen and prolong feelings of joy, accomplishment, and elation.

Quote:
"We don’t really think about empathy as helping someone to continue to feel a pleasant feeling. ... That’s the same, it’s another form of empathy."
—Dr. Marc Brackett (54:01)

• Research shows that, looking back, people cherish those who help them preserve joyful feelings even more than those who comforted them in sadness.

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• "The most important skill you can teach yourself and your kids."
  —Dr. Marc Brackett (07:00)

• "You gotta deactivate before you can co-regulate."
  —Dr. Marc Brackett (11:57)

• "If you find yourself lending this dysregulated state to your kids...how do we walk it back in real time?"
  —Dr. Liza Pressman (14:30)

• "Pause. In that breath: best self, best self, best self."
  —Dr. Marc Brackett (22:02)

• Kindergarten meta moment song:
  "Meta moment, Meta moment, help me find my super me..."
  —Dr. Marc Brackett (31:20)

• "Parent-child is always approach, never avoid."
  —Dr. Marc Brackett (36:44)

• "Emotions are temporary; they are impermanent. Just like the tide..."
  —Dr. Marc Brackett (49:17)

• "We don’t really think about empathy as helping someone to continue to feel a pleasant feeling... That’s another form of empathy."
  —Dr. Marc Brackett (54:01)

Final Thoughts

Dr. Brackett and Dr. Pressman deliver a heartfelt, practical masterclass for anyone seeking to parent with emotional wisdom. This episode demystifies emotional regulation, removes the shame from inevitable parental missteps, and offers the science and tools to do better—one feeling, one moment, and one kid at a time.

For more:
Pick up Dr. Brackett’s Dealing with Feeling for deeper strategies, stories, and exercises on emotional regulation for families and classrooms.