Independent Play, Play Pockets, and What to Do When Your Child Says “I’m Bored” with Lizzie Assa

Summary

Podcast Summary:

Raising Good Humans – “Independent Play, Play Pockets, and What to Do When Your Child Says 'I’m Bored'” with Lizzie Assa
Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman
Guest: Lizzie Assa (Workspace for Children)
Release Date: January 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Raising Good Humans explores the essential role of independent play in childhood development. Dr. Aliza Pressman welcomes education expert Lizzie Assa to discuss why independent play matters, its benefits, the obstacles parents face, and actionable strategies to encourage children of all ages to feel comfortable playing independently. The conversation focuses on "play pockets," handling children's complaints of boredom, fostering autonomy, and designing family spaces for play—making the parenting journey less overwhelming and more joyful.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Independent Play

[02:08] Lizzie Assa:

“For me, independent play is when play is truly led by your child… the ideas come from your child, as opposed to when we typically play with kids and we tend to entertain them or say, ‘look over here, do this.’ This is sort of the opposite.”

Key Insight:

• Independent play centers on child initiative rather than adult direction.

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2. Benefits of Independent Play

[03:09] Lizzie Assa:

• Builds executive function, self-starting, and perseverance.
• Fosters problem-solving and confidence.
• Provides space for making mistakes and trying new approaches.

Quote:

“Play is the thing that is actually what we’re trying… we want them to build their executive function skills. We want them to become kids who are self starters.”
— Lizzie Assa [03:09]

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3. When to Start Encouraging Independent Play

[04:35] Lizzie Assa:

“It’s never too early and it’s never too late… Independent play isn’t about changing your entire parenting. It’s about making really small shifts in how we interact with our kids.”

• Even infants can benefit—sometimes adults interrupt babies engrossed by shadows or their hands, but those are valuable moments for observation and self-driven exploration.

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4. Common Obstacles & Parental Guilt

[05:34] Dr. Aliza:

• Parents worry about missing out on connection or feel guilty for “ignoring” children.
• The urge to entertain often stems from wanting to do “the right thing” or insecurity when kids say they're bored.

[07:28] Lizzie Assa:

“When they come to us and say they’re bored, we immediately get on the defense, right? Because it feels like an insecurity for us. Am I not doing enough?”

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5. Handling “I’m Bored” and Bids for Attention

[06:18] Lizzie Assa:

“For me, [‘I’m bored’] is a bid for connection, not really them wanting us to tell them what to do.”

• First check if basic needs are met (hungry, overtired, need for brief connection).
• Scaffold, don’t rescue; remind them of previous play or interests (“I remember yesterday you were building with your Magna-Tiles…”).
• Avoid feeding ideas as commands—co-regulate by staying calm and providing gentle direction.

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6. Setting Up the Physical Environment

[12:54] Lizzie Assa:

“You’re not feeding the ideas. You’re sort of co-regulating with them with your own calm about their boredom… and then you’re just going to give them small snippets to sort of get started… keeping the ball in their court.”

• Make materials (markers, building toys) accessible and visible.
• Remove barriers to play: e.g., keep supplies at child’s height and not hidden away.
• Too many or too few toys? There’s no “magic number”—observe your child’s preferences and play style to decide what works best.

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7. Independent Play Prompts & Strategies by Age

[16:34] Lizzie Assa:

• One child at home: Even more crucial for only children (and parental sanity).
• Small, low table in the kitchen with limited toys (blocks, crayons).
• Your role: Be a “mirror” or “extra,” not the “lead actor.” Model observing without directing.

Quote:

“You should do what feels right to you and what is sustainable for you. My thing…is just your role in play. Are you the leader? Are you the entertainer? If you are, you’re going to burn out quickly… instead, think of yourself as the mirror…an extra on the set, not the lead actor.”
— Lizzie Assa [17:21]

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8. Play Pockets: Setting Up for Success

[22:07] Lizzie Assa:

“Play pockets are… just setting up little pockets of simple toys that you already know your kid loves in the spots where you need them to be independent.”

• Examples: Cabinet under the bathroom sink with small toys, kitchen drawers with favorite playthings.
• Adapt any space (laundry, living room) according to where independence is most needed.
• Adults and kids both benefit—the environment welcomes play for all.

Quote:

“Their default behavior was to start playing instead of picking up the remote or picking up the iPad.”
— Lizzie Assa [24:00]

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9. For the Minimalist or Design-Conscious Parent

[25:30] Lizzie Assa:

• It’s a season: giving up a bit of adult-centered order yields long-term developmental gains and peace.
• “You have to give a little to get a lot. The more you lean into the season you’re in—it might be a little child-like right now—but what will last forever is…the play skills that your child develops and the bandwidth that you got back when your kid was playing without you.”

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10. Older Kids: Protecting Unscheduled/Down Time

[29:21] Lizzie Assa:

• Schedule open playtime as fiercely as sports or tutoring.
• Prepares kids for college/life: self-direction, comfort in stillness, and intrinsic motivation.

Quote:

“When they go to college and their entire day is not scheduled, I want you to think about how that affects their motivation and being comfortable in their own skin.”
— Lizzie Assa [29:59]

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11. Encouraging and Structuring Quiet Time

[31:51] Lizzie Assa:

• No set rules for length—varies by age, child, and day.
• Start after nap ends, make it positive and autonomous (“You get to decide if you play or sleep”).
• Build up success by practicing independent play nearby before requiring complete solo quiet time.

Quote:

“You want them to feel like what you’re doing is so important, your play is so important, your quiet time is so important and grown up. You want to do what I call closing the loop afterward…you just want them to know you noticed.”
— Lizzie Assa [34:41]

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12. Reframing Parental Guilt About Boredom

[36:11] Lizzie Assa:

“I really want parents to reprogram that to be like, wait a second, I’m doing something right. Like, I made enough time in my kid’s schedule for them to be bored. Like, that’s amazing.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On play prompts: "You’re not going to put on the TV...but you might say, ‘You’ve been thinking so much about Bluey...I wonder if you want to get your Bluey toys and play about that.’” [08:35]
• On guilt: “It immediately puts that spotlight on us...and instead I want you to step back and scaffold the thinking for them.” [07:28]
• On environment: “Their default behavior was to start playing instead of their default behavior picking up the remote or picking up the iPad.” [24:00]
• On closing the loop: “Tell me more about what you did in your quiet time. I heard those baby dolls crying and I was really wondering what they were crying about, but I didn’t want to interrupt because you want them to feel like what you’re doing is so important...” [34:41]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Definition and benefits of independent play: 02:08 – 04:31
• Common obstacles & shifting parental perspective: 05:34 – 07:28
• Responding to “I’m bored” and play prompts: 06:18 – 09:00
• Structuring your home (removing barriers): 12:54 – 14:36
• Play pockets and home environment: 22:07 – 25:30
• Balancing design/minimalism and play needs: 25:30 – 26:55
• Older children and scheduling downtime: 29:21 – 31:05
• Quiet time, transition from naps: 31:51 – 34:41
• Reframing guilt about boredom: 36:11 – end

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Final Takeaways

• Independent play is a vital life skill that benefits both child development and family dynamics.
• Creating an environment that facilitates self-driven play—through “play pockets” and accessible material—sets children (and parents) up for sustainable, joyful routines.
• Boredom is not a problem; it’s an indicator that you’re making room for creative thinking, problem-solving, and confidence-building.
• Every family and child is different—observe, adapt, and give yourself (and your children) grace in the process.

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Note: For the most actionable advice, start small: observe, make play materials accessible, and remember that your calm presence and encouragement to explore are the best prompts for your child's independent growth.

Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

[B]

Hello and welcome to Raising Good Humans podcast. Happy, happy New Year. I just am so excited to be here with you to start the new year to have continued conversations and like laugh with you and get deep and think about raising our humans and ourselves. And I am wishing everyone the most meaningful 2026. I love that you're here. Please stay here and let's do this. Today we are talking about independent play. My guest, Lizzy Assa is an education expert and her new book But I'm Discover the Power of Independent Play to Raise Confident, Resilient K is coming out. And what we're talking about is, of course, I think people are pretty sold on how important independent play is, but we're going over kind of what are the pitfalls? Reminding everybody or letting you know what incredible skills independent play develops? And more importantly, how. How do we help our kids build this skill? Because it's, you know, hard to distinguish between independent play and, and ignoring. And how can we use play prompts to set up independent play? What do we do when our kids keep coming to us? How do we create like a real quiet time and make it a thing? And how to deal with some of the challenges that come up? You might know Lizzy Asa from her Instagram workspace for children, and I thought this was a great conversation to lead up to when you're home more during vacation because it's an opportunity to feel more motivated for promoting independent play. So first, just because it sounds like everybody knows what it is, but we maybe don't really know what it is, can you just define independent play?

[A]

Yes. For me, independent play is when play is truly led by your child. So that means the ideas come from your child as opposed to when we typically play with kids and we tend to entertain them or say, look over here, do this. This works this way. Independent play is sort of the opposite. It's when a child really thinks of their own idea and plays about it.

[B]

Okay, so that's independent play. What do people kind of like? What gets in the way of that? Because I know I actually, we should go back. Let's talk about the true benefits of independent play. Because sometimes I think, especially now, parents worry, let's say they're working and they feel like we have such limited time with our kids, we want to get everything in there for their cognitive and social emotional development and, or they feel like, am I ignoring my child? So I'm, I think it would be great to sort of go through the benefits and then we can get into kind of the pitfalls and the practical stuff.

[A]

I love Beck because I think for a lot of parents, you know, or I know for almost all parents, what we do is we want to always give our kids either what we didn't have or a leg up. We want to get them into every enrichment, tutor, every possible thing, right? And so, and we're doing that with love. And really the idea that we want to, we want to give them that leg up, right? But if we take a step back and we really look at the research and we really think about play, play is the thing that is actually what we're trying, the goal is, what we're trying to give our kids, right, Is we want them to build their executive function skills. We want them to become kids who are self starters. We want them to be a kid who can say, hey, I have an idea and I might not, it might not come out right the first time. And I'm okay with that. I'm going to keep trying, right? Those are all benefits of independent play. And I think, you know, a lot of times, and I am not by any means saying you shouldn't sign your kids up for enrichments or aftercare sports, but a lot of times now when kids are really scheduled, they're missing those opportunities because they're being told what to do and when. Right. At all times. And so when we can really step back and plug in independent play, we're really stepping into giving them those skills that I think were at the impetus of wanting us to sign them up for things in the first place.

[B]

And how early do you start talking with parents about independent play?

[A]

I actually had someone ask me a question today and they have an infant and they said, is it too early to start teaching my child independent play? And I'll tell you this, it's never too early and it's never too late. Because for me, independent play isn't about changing your entire parenting. It's about making really small shifts in how we interact with our kids. Shifts that build that play confidence. For example, if you have an infant, you know, I think culture tells us to, you know, get that rattle, really get in their face, shake it, show them what it can do. Talk, talk, talk to your child. Those things are great. And if you're doing that, that's great. But I want you to also take a minute to step back and observe what are they noticing, right? Take a minute and say, oh, you see how that rattle is rolling or whatever it is. But it's really more about the adult getting into the habit of observing their child and reflecting back to them what they're doing. And you want your child to run the show, not you.

[B]

Yeah, I'm just thinking about little ones. And even with babies, if they are. If they seem like they're enjoying themselves and they're curious and interested in the shadow play of their hands in the wall, we might interrupt that because we're trying to engage them. But that's such a beautiful time to just let them be. So. Yes. So the pitfall or, like, interruption that might happen maybe comes from this feeling that we're supposed to be attuned and that we're missing out. So I wonder if we. Maybe it's talking about, like, what happens when you get a bid for attention during independent play.

[A]

Yeah, I love that. And I think, you know, I often will say to people, too, especially when kids come and say, I'm bored.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For me, is that's a bid for connection, not really them wanting us to tell them what to do. Right. And so I think, you know, when our kid comes to us and I'm bored, when my first instinct is really going to be to say, okay, well, are they hungry? Like, have they eaten? Have we had even just a few minutes to connect today? Are they overtired? Right. Those are just like their basic needs. Okay. And if those are met, then I'm going to say back to them, okay, like, boredom is a good thing. I don't think you really want me to tell you what to do, but I can help you think of what to do. Right. So I can. I can remember back to yesterday when you came home and you were really bored, and then you started building with your magna child and we had to leave for soccer. Really wish that you could have time to keep building. Do you think that's something you might want to do right now?

[B]

That's a great example. What are some other examples that are like, your child says they're bored, you're feeling overwhelmed. You. You kind of know that there's plenty to do. You don't want to snap at them and say, like, what did my mom. My mom always said, like, boring people get bored.

[A]

I've heard them all.

[B]

I feel like that doesn't feel like.

[A]

The nicest way to say. I used to always say, well, I'll give you something to do. You know, meeting, chores, chores. But I. But I think, you know, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, as parents, you know, we're buying them all these toys, we're doing all the quote unquote, right things. So when they come to us and say they're bored, we immediately get on the defense, right? Because it feels like an insecurity for us. Am I not doing enough? Did I not provide enough? I should have signed them up for that third enrichment that all their friends are doing. Right? It immediately puts that spotlight on us. And instead I'm going to really encourage you instead of saying, well, you have a whole room full of toys. Instead, I want you to step back and scaffold the thinking for them. Because sometimes I'm a grownup, I study boredom and sometimes I can feel overwhelmed by not knowing what to do or how to start. And so I think when we can help them get started from their own idea, that sort of bridges that pathway, right? So we want to either a remind them of something that they were doing before that they really loved. We can also think about something that they already love. Even if it's like a TV show and you're not going to put on a TV show, you're not going to put on the tv. But you might say, you know, you've been thinking so much about Bluey or you know, whatever it is. And hey, one, you were telling me about that episode in the car today. I wonder if you want to get your Bluey toys and play about that. So, right, so you want to bring up something that already feels on their mind relevant and important to them and just help them bridge that into in real life play.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah, I mean, listen, and I also want to say too, even if you do all the right things, your child is still going to push back because that's their job. We want kids who push back. I know I do. And again, it's that I'm going to say it's my job as the mom not to, you know, get anxious about that pushback. Right. Instead I'm going to say, oh, right, it's their job to push back. This is so normal. And you can say, yeah, I know it's really hard to figure out what to do when you don't know what to do. How can I help? You know, you're not going to start saying you could color in your coloring books. You could do your math homework. You could do. Right. Because those are all going to be a no. We know that.

[B]

Right. So you're not feeding the ideas.

[A]

You're not feeding the ideas. You're Sort of co regulating with them with your own calm about their boredom. You're not getting anxious about their boredom. Right. So that's going to help calm them about their boredom and then you're just going to give them small snippets to sort of get started. Right. I remember when you worked on this, I wonder if you might want to do this, you know, keeping the ball in their court. The other thing I really encourage parents to do is to use their home as a way to sort of ward off that tricky spot. Right. To ward off that anxiety part where you just don't know what to get started. And what I mean by that is, you know, setting up your home in a way that makes it easy for kids to get started playing. Right. So, and that's as simple as removing the barrier of, you know, you might have a ton of art supplies, right. Because you, you every time you saw a project on the Internet, you were like, oh, my kid's going to do that and they're not going to be bored. And then shove it in the closet and the markers are in the bin. And in order for your child to get started playing, they have to first get the stool. They have to know where they are, they have to drag the stool over, they have to pull it down, they have to sit through things. And by the time they get the markers, honestly, they've used all their energy and they don't want to do the markers. Right. So one thing you can do is, you know, just be proactive. Have those markers and paper just on your kitchen counter. It's not a project, it's not something elaborate that you should spend time on. It's just kind of thinking ahead. You know, when my kid comes in, there's not an activity today. So, you know, are the markers out or if there's someone who loves to build. Right. Are those magnetic tiles really easy and accessible or are they put away in the box in the closet behind the train table? Right. So we're just going to think about removing any barriers supplied to help them get started.

[B]

So like, and all of this just, you know, you can, I can look behind you and see these open shelves and like, everything is within their reach. So.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Are you, like, how do you make sure that it's not an overwhelming amount of stuff?

[A]

Yeah. You know, people often come to me and say, like, how many choices, too many toys, how many to, you know, they want that magic number. And I've even had, you know, interviewers interview me before, you know, what is that magic number? But I'M you know, I'm always going to say it really depends on your individual child because some kids thrive in a messy playroom with a lot of options. That's the truth, you know. Yeah. And some kids really need just one toy that, you know, they're interested in on a table in your kitchen. Right. So it's really. Observe your child when they are playing and take note in your head, you know, and this isn't the time when they're coming to because they're bored. Think about the, the times that they are playing and content. Make note of that in your head, like, what does that room look like? What are they playing with? Because those are all things that you can note down to set up for next time. You always want to use a strengths based, strength based approach for this. You will go so much farther with it because the goal is really to build like confidence in your kid. And the way we do that is with repetition, with helping them feel successful and letting it come from them, not you.

[B]

So what are some play prompts? If you're like, I want to get started. We've never really done this before. I haven't really, like, I've, I've felt guilty if they're just sitting, doing something on their own, which I don't know that parents feel guilty about that anymore if they have multiple kids. I think this happens more if you have one child. So maybe let's say you only have one child and so you have more opportunities to sort of give them a lot of attention. How can you give kind of independent play prompts over? Maybe we can think developmentally over the years what you would say.

[A]

Sure. So, you know, there's actually a section in the book that talks about only children and independent play because that is something that really comes up for a lot of people. And I interviewed a mom of an only child and she was so correct in saying it is so almost even more important for only children to have those independent play skills because the parents can get burned out really easily. Right. Because independent play is not only good for your child, but it is good for your entire family unit. But if we want to talk about really simple ways to get your kids started playing wherever your family spends the most time. So let's say maybe for a lot of families it's the kitchen. Right. We're always making snacks, we're always making meals. That's, you know, where we always are. I would put a small low table in my kitchen and put out some really simple toys like the magnetic blocks or tiles or A piece of paper taped down to the table with just one or two crayons. Right. Because a lot of kids, if they're not used to playing independently, talk with, you know, going back to that bid for connection. Like, they're probably going to come over and throw the crayon. Right? Because that's going to get your attention and that's what they're used to and that's what they're looking for. Right. So we really want to limit those materials, but have them right next to you so you can do your work while they do theirs. And they are still going to say to you, mommy, play with me. Mommy, play with me. And you can play with your child. Like it's okay to play with your child. I think there's like all this stuff on the Internet about like, you should never play with your child. You should always play with your child. You should do what feels right to you and what is sustainable for you. Yeah, my thing really to help parents is just your role in play. I want you to think about your role in their play. Right. So are you the leader? Are you the entertainer? If you are, you're going to burn out quickly because they're not. They're going to keep looking to you for ideas. But instead, if you can think of yourself more as the mirror, if you can think of yourself as sort of an extra on the set, you know, not the lead actor, that's what's going to help your child build play skills. And you can start to step back slowly.

[B]

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[A]

Play pockets are like I feel like once you nail down a play pockets in your home, you are a superhero of play because what it really essentially what a Play Pocket is. Is just setting up little pockets of simple toys that you already know your kid loves in the spots where you need them to be independent. So, you know, we used to. Everyone used to laugh at me because in our bathroom on our main floor in our house, if you opened up the cabinets under the sink, instead of seeing towels or toiletries, there were little mini cars, little mini blocks, and little mini people figurines. But that was really intentional because in the. I have three kids, and they were all three little kids at some point. And so if I'm giving baths, I'm still supervising the other kids, right? And so instead of constantly saying, wait, wait, that, no, don't touch that, don't do this, they could open that cabinet and just start playing, right? Or in my kitchen, you know, bottom drawer, where, you know, your toddler is opening and closing that drawer. That's what they are developmentally driven to do. And you can spend all your time telling them, no, don't touch that, or you can fill it with a few simple toys that you know they love. And now they've plopped down on the floor and started playing at your feet while you're doing what you need to do. That's what a Play Pocket is, and.

[B]

It'S Will change your life.

[A]

If you are a parent of young.

[B]

Children, give us more Play Pockets, because that is such a great example. The cabinet during bath time. I just think that's like, yes, yes.

[A]

I mean, sometimes people will walk into our home and say, like, gosh, it looks like a preschool in here. And they may not have met that as a compliment, but I sure took it as one, because to me, it meant that my kids could walk into their home and their default behavior was. Was to start playing instead of their default behavior picking up the remote or picking up the iPad. Right? And so, you know, and also other, even adults would come into our home and sit down on the couch, and what do you know, their hands are now sitting and playing with those blocks. And grownups need to play, too. We all do, right? And so anytime, you know, really, anywhere, your kitchen, your bathroom, I mean, I remember in our laundry room, being down in our laundry room with my toddler and her getting into my husband's workbench and me constantly saying, no, that's dangerous. Stop doing that. But I had to fold the laundry, and I couldn't carry her and the thing and the bin of laundry to come upstairs to the playroom. And so I cleared off the bottom shelf, and in there, I put a few rags so that she could fold. Like, I could fold because kids want to do what we're doing. Right. But then also there was a small bin of books and a small bin of magnetic tiles. I didn't go out and buy anything new. I didn't set up a project. I just took what's already working and brought it to where I needed play to be.

[B]

And okay, so for people who are like, like, my sister does not like things in the house. Her kids are much older right now, so it's fine. But if you're like, okay, fine, but I don't want toys in the house other than like a few things. How can you promote this independent play and keep it a little bit less child centered? Can you have the best of both worlds?

[A]

So I'll tell you a funny story is one, One day my husband came home from work and our dining room table was no longer. I had sold it on Facebook Marketplace and turned our dining room into a playroom. Because I was like, I'm sorry. Like, I need them to be able to play on the main floor in order for me to survive their early childhood. Right. So you don't have to go to that extreme. What you can do is you have to give a little to get a lot. Right. And so I think, yes, you can have it both ways. But the more you lean into the season you're in, it might be a little childlike right now. You might have racing cars on your coffee table instead of a beautiful vase. It's not going to be like that forever. But what will last forever is the calm and the patience and the play skills that your child develops. And the bandwidth that you got back. Yes, right. Like totally. Bandwidth that you got back when your kid was playing without you.

[B]

Yeah. Instead of just chasing down and saying, no, no, no, don't touch anything. You kind of can touch that.

[A]

Don't touch that. That's right. So, and like, and the relaxing part. And of course, you know this. The relaxing part changes the vibe of your entire family dynamic. So it's like, it's not really just about, oh, play is so important. It is. The skills are so important. They are. But it's really how play changes the culture of your entire family.

[B]

And so it's like alleviating the tension of constantly. Because it's hard, especially with younger kids, to keep them safe. And if you're focused on keeping them safe so much because the environment is set up in a way that you have to. You're much more. You're right. Your shoulders are up, you're on edge. And now for a quick break. Okay, I think Quince is epic. And it is sweater season. It is cashmere sweater season. It's football games. I mean, not for me, but for most of America and most of my family. And lattes. And Quince is known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters. And they start at $50. And all of Quint's items are priced like 50 to 80% less than similar brands, including these amazing cashmere sweaters. And they are able to do it because they partner directly with top factories. So they cut the cost of the middleman, which passes savings to us. And don't worry, Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices. So of course, it's premium fabrics and finishes and luxury feel and all the pieces and that stuff, but it's also ethical. I love my cashmere sweaters. They are such good presents. I wear them so much and they are indistinguishable in quality from my more expensive cashmere sweaters. Separately, my stepdaughter got her bedding from there because she loved my bedding so much. And it was so soft and cozy. It's just great. They have so much on that website and the costs are incredible. Get cozy and Quince's high quality wardrobe essentials go to quince.com/humans for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com humans to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/humans. Okay, now as kids get a little bit older, so you're like, they're like. Because I think there's this one thing of safety and making sure toddler infants and toddlers and preschoolers kind of have the right setup. But as kids are in school age and we start to schedule them a ton, you talk a lot about keeping it open enough for still having this independent play and kind of time to be even complaining about being bored. How do you set that up? And like, let's pitch it.

[A]

Yeah. So, you know, I am someone who has three kids and, you know, they've all had their thing, right? We've, we have definitely had our very busy family moments. But for me, I think it's so important for families to, yes, schedule the tutor that your child needs. Schedule the sport that they love, also schedule that downtime with the same fierceness, the same protectiveness the way you would schedule their soccer lessons with downtime and play. And it doesn't have to be every day, of course. Life is going to get busier as they get older. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Your family's just growing up. But you know, just hang on to those moments, especially as they get older. I mean, you also have, you know, college age kids and, and you know, you want them to be able to go off to college and know what to do with their downtime. We want them to be able to sit with themselves when no one's telling them what to do. Right. And so if you have that ticking in your head, but I have to give them a leg up. But they need this enrichment. I want you to think about that when they go to college and their, their entire day is not scheduled. Right. I want you to think about how that affects their motivation and then just being comfortable in their own skin.

[B]

I think that, that there is so much about being comfortable in your own skin. Like when, if we just reflect on kind of what do we do when we have downtime? And let's assume that our screens are not available because I think a lot of us during downtime might default to just zoning out on screens. But let's say you have no screens available. What are you going to do with your downtime? Or do you get really antsy because you feel like it needs to be filled?

[A]

Yes, because it starts to feel really uncomfortable. And that makes sense, right? Like if we're not used to it, that makes sense. And so I think, you know, just really plugging in that practice, you know, adults are dealing with burnout on all levels and kids know the answer to that is play. Right. And so the more we can hold onto that for our kids and build it into their daily practice. And it doesn't have to be a project or a craft. It could really mean bouncing a ball against the wall, zoning out and thinking of listening to a story, singing. It doesn't. Play looks so different for each individual and really embracing that.

[B]

Amazing. All right, so how do you schedule quiet time? Like talk to us about quiet time.

[A]

Sure, I will. Quiet time. You know, quiet time again is going to look different for different families and different kids. There is no, you know, people love to ask me, like, what, how long should my 5 year old stay in quiet time? You know, and whatever it is. Right. And I always want to say, like, I know we crave those hard and fast rules. It really not only does it depend on your kid, it depends on the day, the situation. I mean, think about, like ourselves, right? Our kids are just regular humans too. Right. And it's going to Vary. But quiet time is something that you know, when your kid gives up their nap, if you can get them into that practice of using that as quiet downtime, it is just such a gift for them and for you. And again, it's going to look different for everyone. And for some kids it's really hard. Right. And so you're not going to force it. Instead what you're going to do is, is really double down on independent play throughout the day. So that means really setting up those play pockets so they can build their play confidence with you nearby when they can see you. Right. When they can reference you and look to you and you can, you know, have that brief conversation as they play. That's how they start to get really good at play. I want kids to already feel confident and good at play before we're going to ask them to go do it on their own versus at a specified time in a specified place. Right. We want them to feel confident first. It's not a punishment.

[B]

No. I remember with my, with Penelope, my oldest, when she was like, you know, I mean it's what you're talking about. It's that transition time where like they sometimes nap but they sometimes don't. And they're sort of like, it's like between three and five where you're just like. But then it can last longer. To your point, not 3 and 5pm 3 and 5 years old, but like, you know that you used to get this big break and now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, wait, can I still leave them to have quiet time?

[A]

Right. And, and it's one of my favorite things is being able to say to your 3 year old as they're giving up that nap, like you got to be in charge of whether or not you sleep. You know, like giving them that autonomy. It feels so counterintuitive as the parent, but being able to say to them like, you get to decide if you play or sleep. You get to.

[B]

It's an opportunity.

[A]

Yes. It's so exciting for them. Like you are so grown up now that you get to do this and the baby is still has to nap, but you get to decide. You know, like that feels really big and important. And I think parents also feel like, oh, but then I feel guilty because I'm always.

[B]

Because they're alone playing in their bedroom. But they can. Yeah, it's so great. Right.

[A]

But they, and you can say to them afterward, you know, like, tell me more about what you did in your quiet time. I heard those baby dolls crying and I was really wondering what they were crying about, but I didn't want to interrupt because you want them to feel like what you're doing is so important, Your play is so important, Your quiet time is so important and grown up, you want to do what I call closing the loop afterward. Right. And say, even at dinner time, you could say to your partner, like, today, you know, during Penelope's quiet time, I heard the babies crying and I heard her comforting them, you know, and you don't even have to put her on the spot and ask her about it. You just want them to know you noticed.

[B]

I love it. I hope everybody really takes that to heart, especially because people feel so guilty and, like, if you hear your child's playing, especially during quiet time, it's like you think you have to go right in there because they're finished with naps. And what an awesome opportunity. And I guess I even. I miss those times of, like, in that transition where they'd be talking to themselves, but they were, like, not quite at the place of being told that they had the autonomy to just play by themselves or they napped and just being able to hear the talking to themselves. But that's like the pre. The beginning of that. Yeah. Quiet time. It's so cute. But anyway, to get permission, not that anybody needs our permission, but to get permission for yourself to say, like, that's okay. That's awesome that they're doing that. I don't need to interrupt. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, and I'm often saying to parents, too, who, you know, for a lot of us, you hear that, you know, but I'm bored. You hear that. And it, like, really triggers guilt in us. And I'm really. I really want parents to reprogram that to be like, wait a second, I'm doing something right. Like, I made enough time in my kids schedule for them to be bored. Like, that's amazing. That is amazing.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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