Podcast Summary:
Raising Good Humans – “Independent Play, Play Pockets, and What to Do When Your Child Says 'I’m Bored'” with Lizzie Assa
Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman
Guest: Lizzie Assa (Workspace for Children)
Release Date: January 2, 2026
Episode Overview
This episode of Raising Good Humans explores the essential role of independent play in childhood development. Dr. Aliza Pressman welcomes education expert Lizzie Assa to discuss why independent play matters, its benefits, the obstacles parents face, and actionable strategies to encourage children of all ages to feel comfortable playing independently. The conversation focuses on "play pockets," handling children's complaints of boredom, fostering autonomy, and designing family spaces for play—making the parenting journey less overwhelming and more joyful.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Defining Independent Play
[02:08] Lizzie Assa:
“For me, independent play is when play is truly led by your child… the ideas come from your child, as opposed to when we typically play with kids and we tend to entertain them or say, ‘look over here, do this.’ This is sort of the opposite.”
Key Insight:
- Independent play centers on child initiative rather than adult direction.
2. Benefits of Independent Play
[03:09] Lizzie Assa:
- Builds executive function, self-starting, and perseverance.
- Fosters problem-solving and confidence.
- Provides space for making mistakes and trying new approaches.
Quote:
“Play is the thing that is actually what we’re trying… we want them to build their executive function skills. We want them to become kids who are self starters.”
— Lizzie Assa [03:09]
3. When to Start Encouraging Independent Play
[04:35] Lizzie Assa:
“It’s never too early and it’s never too late… Independent play isn’t about changing your entire parenting. It’s about making really small shifts in how we interact with our kids.”
- Even infants can benefit—sometimes adults interrupt babies engrossed by shadows or their hands, but those are valuable moments for observation and self-driven exploration.
4. Common Obstacles & Parental Guilt
[05:34] Dr. Aliza:
- Parents worry about missing out on connection or feel guilty for “ignoring” children.
- The urge to entertain often stems from wanting to do “the right thing” or insecurity when kids say they're bored.
[07:28] Lizzie Assa:
“When they come to us and say they’re bored, we immediately get on the defense, right? Because it feels like an insecurity for us. Am I not doing enough?”
5. Handling “I’m Bored” and Bids for Attention
[06:18] Lizzie Assa:
“For me, [‘I’m bored’] is a bid for connection, not really them wanting us to tell them what to do.”
- First check if basic needs are met (hungry, overtired, need for brief connection).
- Scaffold, don’t rescue; remind them of previous play or interests (“I remember yesterday you were building with your Magna-Tiles…”).
- Avoid feeding ideas as commands—co-regulate by staying calm and providing gentle direction.
6. Setting Up the Physical Environment
[12:54] Lizzie Assa:
“You’re not feeding the ideas. You’re sort of co-regulating with them with your own calm about their boredom… and then you’re just going to give them small snippets to sort of get started… keeping the ball in their court.”
- Make materials (markers, building toys) accessible and visible.
- Remove barriers to play: e.g., keep supplies at child’s height and not hidden away.
- Too many or too few toys? There’s no “magic number”—observe your child’s preferences and play style to decide what works best.
7. Independent Play Prompts & Strategies by Age
[16:34] Lizzie Assa:
- One child at home: Even more crucial for only children (and parental sanity).
- Small, low table in the kitchen with limited toys (blocks, crayons).
- Your role: Be a “mirror” or “extra,” not the “lead actor.” Model observing without directing.
Quote:
“You should do what feels right to you and what is sustainable for you. My thing…is just your role in play. Are you the leader? Are you the entertainer? If you are, you’re going to burn out quickly… instead, think of yourself as the mirror…an extra on the set, not the lead actor.”
— Lizzie Assa [17:21]
8. Play Pockets: Setting Up for Success
[22:07] Lizzie Assa:
“Play pockets are… just setting up little pockets of simple toys that you already know your kid loves in the spots where you need them to be independent.”
- Examples: Cabinet under the bathroom sink with small toys, kitchen drawers with favorite playthings.
- Adapt any space (laundry, living room) according to where independence is most needed.
- Adults and kids both benefit—the environment welcomes play for all.
Quote:
“Their default behavior was to start playing instead of picking up the remote or picking up the iPad.”
— Lizzie Assa [24:00]
9. For the Minimalist or Design-Conscious Parent
[25:30] Lizzie Assa:
- It’s a season: giving up a bit of adult-centered order yields long-term developmental gains and peace.
- “You have to give a little to get a lot. The more you lean into the season you’re in—it might be a little child-like right now—but what will last forever is…the play skills that your child develops and the bandwidth that you got back when your kid was playing without you.”
10. Older Kids: Protecting Unscheduled/Down Time
[29:21] Lizzie Assa:
- Schedule open playtime as fiercely as sports or tutoring.
- Prepares kids for college/life: self-direction, comfort in stillness, and intrinsic motivation.
Quote:
“When they go to college and their entire day is not scheduled, I want you to think about how that affects their motivation and being comfortable in their own skin.”
— Lizzie Assa [29:59]
11. Encouraging and Structuring Quiet Time
[31:51] Lizzie Assa:
- No set rules for length—varies by age, child, and day.
- Start after nap ends, make it positive and autonomous (“You get to decide if you play or sleep”).
- Build up success by practicing independent play nearby before requiring complete solo quiet time.
Quote:
“You want them to feel like what you’re doing is so important, your play is so important, your quiet time is so important and grown up. You want to do what I call closing the loop afterward…you just want them to know you noticed.”
— Lizzie Assa [34:41]
12. Reframing Parental Guilt About Boredom
[36:11] Lizzie Assa:
“I really want parents to reprogram that to be like, wait a second, I’m doing something right. Like, I made enough time in my kid’s schedule for them to be bored. Like, that’s amazing.”
Notable Quotes & Moments
- On play prompts: "You’re not going to put on the TV...but you might say, ‘You’ve been thinking so much about Bluey...I wonder if you want to get your Bluey toys and play about that.’” [08:35]
- On guilt: “It immediately puts that spotlight on us...and instead I want you to step back and scaffold the thinking for them.” [07:28]
- On environment: “Their default behavior was to start playing instead of their default behavior picking up the remote or picking up the iPad.” [24:00]
- On closing the loop: “Tell me more about what you did in your quiet time. I heard those baby dolls crying and I was really wondering what they were crying about, but I didn’t want to interrupt because you want them to feel like what you’re doing is so important...” [34:41]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Definition and benefits of independent play: 02:08 – 04:31
- Common obstacles & shifting parental perspective: 05:34 – 07:28
- Responding to “I’m bored” and play prompts: 06:18 – 09:00
- Structuring your home (removing barriers): 12:54 – 14:36
- Play pockets and home environment: 22:07 – 25:30
- Balancing design/minimalism and play needs: 25:30 – 26:55
- Older children and scheduling downtime: 29:21 – 31:05
- Quiet time, transition from naps: 31:51 – 34:41
- Reframing guilt about boredom: 36:11 – end
Final Takeaways
- Independent play is a vital life skill that benefits both child development and family dynamics.
- Creating an environment that facilitates self-driven play—through “play pockets” and accessible material—sets children (and parents) up for sustainable, joyful routines.
- Boredom is not a problem; it’s an indicator that you’re making room for creative thinking, problem-solving, and confidence-building.
- Every family and child is different—observe, adapt, and give yourself (and your children) grace in the process.
Note: For the most actionable advice, start small: observe, make play materials accessible, and remember that your calm presence and encouragement to explore are the best prompts for your child's independent growth.