Raising Good Humans – Listener Q&A: Biting, Potty Training, Separation Anxiety & Early Lying

Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman
Date: January 9, 2026
Podcast: Raising Good Humans (Dear Media)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Aliza Pressman answers four real questions from parents facing classic early childhood challenges: toddler biting, potty training resistance, separation anxiety at drop-off, and early lying. She offers strategies rooted in developmental psychology, aims to reassure worried parents, and normalizes the stress and embarrassment that can come with these phases.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Toddler Biting

(Starts at 00:55)

• Why It Happens:

  • Common at age two due to underdeveloped language and impulse control.
  • Can signal frustration, sensory needs, or inability to express emotions verbally.

• What to Do:

  • Impulse Control Games: Play freeze dance or similar games to help develop self-control.
  • Immediate Response: In the moment, calmly state boundaries (“No biting. Biting hurts. We keep our mouths to ourselves.”) and offer a safe item to bite if needed.
  • Avoid: Never bite back or humiliate; modeling aggression will not teach impulse control.
  • Identify Triggers: Watch for patterns (tiredness, hunger, frustration) to intervene early.
  • Partner with Teachers: Communicate proactively with caregivers for shadowing or positive redirection.
  • Normalize for Yourself: Being embarrassed is normal; most biters outgrow this behavior by age 3–4.

• Memorable Quotes:

  • “You got one of the ones that’s a biter, and it’s no fun—but it is definitely a temporary phase.” (Dr. Aliza, 01:41)
  • “Having impulse control is a skill that’s built as your frontal lobe is built. At two, it’s just not there yet.” (Dr. Aliza, 03:15)
  • “Remember, biting is more mortifying for parents than anybody else. It doesn’t predict future aggression or problems.” (Dr. Aliza, 11:00)

2. Potty Training Challenges

(Starts at 16:13)

• Preschool Pressures:

  • Some schools by regulation can't accommodate diapers.
  • Age three is a normal time to begin, but readiness varies.

• Readiness Signs:

  • Can stay dry for two hours+
  • Aware of bodily sensations and able to communicate them
  • Shows interest or willingness

• Approach:

  • Reset: If struggling, take a two-week break without talking about potty training.
  • Non-Pressured Practice: Avoid forcing “sit time.” Use positive reinforcement (stickers or celebration, not bribes).
  • Shaping: Gradually increase skills (first notice when wet, then announce before, then try sitting on potty).
  • Portable Potty: Keep it easily accessible at home.
  • Don’t Make It a Battle: Power struggles backfire because toileting is one arena where kids have control.

• Quote:

  • “If your child feels like it’s a power struggle, this is one where you will lose... You have absolutely no control over that.” (Dr. Aliza, 20:20)

• Positive Reinforcement:

  • Use rewards for temporary, non-moral behaviors if it helps—no evidence this harms motivation long-term.

• Handling School Pressure:

  • Communicate your plan. If possible, take a daycare pause for a positive at-home reset.

3. Separation Anxiety at Drop-off

(Starts at 30:23)

• Normalcy and Timing:

  • Peaks at 18–24 months, and often briefly again at age three.

• Parental Emotion:

  • It is natural for goodbyes to feel distressing for caregivers, even if the child recovers quickly.
  • Reminder: If your child is happy at pickup, they're coping just fine.

• Strategies:

  • Short Goodbyes: Keep them brief and confident; avoid lingering.
  • Rituals:
    • “Kissing Hand” (inspired by the book): Kiss the child’s palm so they can “hold” your love during the day.
    • Portable tokens or objects (e.g., a small “lovey” if allowed).
    • Make goodbyes predictable and consistent.
  • Transition Objects: Can be physical or even imaginary (e.g., “invisible turtle” for comfort).
  • Avoid: Don’t drag out goodbyes—the prolonging can increase anxiety.

• Quotes:

  • “Keep goodbyes brief and confident. Your confidence… is important for her to know she can feel safe with this choice.” (Dr. Aliza, 32:30)
  • “This is not traumatic for your child—it feels traumatic for you, but it is actually safe.” (Dr. Aliza, 37:10)

4. Early Lying in Preschoolers

(Starts at 39:06)

• Developmental Milestone:

  • Lying at age four shows cognitive growth: understanding that others have different knowledge (“theory of mind”).
  • Fantasy and lying are different—imagination is not deceit.

• What to Do:

  • Avoid Setting Traps: Don’t “test” your child with questions you already know the answer to. Name what you see instead.
  • Support Truth-Telling: Praise honesty, especially when it’s difficult for the child.
  • Natural Consequences: Supervise tooth-brushing if lies persist, rather than punishing.
  • Avoid Labels: Don’t call your child “a liar.” Address the action, not the identity.
  • Stay on the Same Team: Show you’re alongside, not confronting.

• Quotes:

  • “Lying is a real cognitive milestone… If you haven’t hit that cognitive milestone, you wouldn’t even know to lie.” (Dr. Aliza, 39:16)
  • “You’re the witness, not the judge… You don’t need to create a courtroom.” (Dr. Aliza, 46:04)

Notable Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Toddler Impulse Control:
  • “At two… the prefrontal cortex just isn’t there yet.” (03:15)
• On Parental Shame and Embarrassment:
  • “Hold your head up high at pickup… Everybody is going to have a moment when their toddler is doing something they’re kind of embarrassed by. This is your time.” (10:40)
• On Potty Training Readiness:
  • “Pause, don’t talk about it, don’t do anything for two straight weeks. Give yourself a reset.” (17:18)
• On Managing Goodbyes:
  • “If you drag it out and she’s crying more, it’s sort of letting her know maybe she should be crying.” (32:40)
• On Lying & Parent Response:
  • “If you know they hit their brother… say, I saw you hit your brother. I can’t let you hit.” (44:28)
  • “When you catch your child telling a truth that’s hard, say: I know that was really hard to tell me, I’m so glad you told me the truth. That was really brave.” (45:15)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Biting: 00:55 – 11:15
• Potty Training: 16:13 – 29:30
• Separation Anxiety: 30:23 – 38:30
• Early Lying: 39:06 – 47:00

Recap & Encouragement

Dr. Aliza repeatedly emphasizes that these parenting challenges are common and temporary, and that how parents respond—with measured empathy, consistency, and developmentally appropriate strategies—matters more than “getting it right” every time. She encourages parents to regulate their own nervous systems, lean on positive reinforcement, and keep the big picture in mind: Every child hits tricky phases, and you are not alone.

For further questions or parent stories, Dr. Aliza invites listeners to submit their own, reminding everyone that raising good humans is a winding and rewarding journey.