Raising Good Humans w/ Dr. Aliza Pressman

Episode: Picky Eating, Sleep Training & Potty Training: Parenting Myths Debunked w/ Emily Oster

Release Date: October 24, 2025
Guest: Emily Oster, economist & founder of ParentData.org

Episode Overview

In this myth-busting episode, developmental psychologist Dr. Aliza Pressman hosts economist and parenting data expert Emily Oster for a candid, evidence-based look at “pain points” in modern parenting. Together, they unpack popular parenting myths—about rushing kids, toys, praise, picky eating, potty training, sleep training, and more—that often leave parents feeling needlessly anxious, stressed, or inadequate. Oster draws on empirical research, debunks misinformation, and reframes common worries, with emphasis on giving overwhelmed parents permission to relax and focus on what matters.

Key Discussion Points & Myths Debunked

1. The “Hurried Child” & Parental Anxiety (02:08–06:05)

• Myth: “Rush your child and you’ll give them lifelong anxiety.”
  • Emily Oster: This myth stems from misinterpreting literature about overscheduling kids (the “hurried child” phenomenon) into micromanaging every small interaction:

  “It also puts parents in this position where they feel like every interaction with my kid is an opportunity to ruin them forever. It’s just like a very frustrating place and sort of a very anxiety provoking place to come from when you’re parenting.” (03:00)

  • Dr. Pressman: The ripple effect is parents now feel guilty and anxious about their own anxieties.
  • Takeaway: Parental mental health and resilience are crucial. Over-correcting due to incomplete interpretations of research increases overall family stress without any evidence-based benefit.
  • Memorable moment: Anecdote about a perfectionist parent trying to be the perfect “imperfect” parent (04:23–06:05).

2. Toys, Rotating Systems, and Parental Control (06:05–08:55)

• Myth: You must rotate toys and provide only a perfect number of them, or your child is doomed.
  • Emily Oster:

  “...the data says anything’s fine. A lot of toys, not a lot of toys... What should determine the number of toys [is] what you mom or dad want your living room to look like.” (07:34)

  • The idea that you can “win” parenting through optimizing toys is misplaced—parents should focus on household happiness, not chase an unattainable ideal.

3. Family Logistics & “Gains from Trade” (08:55–11:53)

• Discussion of Family Spreadsheets: Oster describes how she and her economist husband split family logistics by week/weekend, using their organizational strengths to alleviate stress.

  • “Some of marriage…is about finding those…gains from trade, which is what economists would call them.” (11:09)

• Takeaway: Delegate according to strengths and don’t feel guilty for not doing everything yourself.

4. Praise & Rewards: What Really Matters? (15:39–19:56; 46:18–54:01)

Praise (15:39–19:56)

• Myth: Never say “good job” or your child will never develop a growth mindset.
  • Emily Oster:

  “To translate [growth mindset research] to the idea that you can’t say ‘good job’ and it’s going to ruin your kid…that is not a reasonable translation of that.” (16:43)

  • Both hosts discuss their experiences over-correcting on praise and how the bigger point is to create home environments where children feel loved and safe, not to perfectly regulate every phrase.

Rewards (46:18–54:01)

• Myth: Rewards “ruin” intrinsic motivation for life; e.g., giving M&Ms for potty training devastates self-motivation.
  • Emily Oster:

  “The reality is we were all potty trained on M&Ms…eventually you just get in the habit of using the toilet and then you stop needing the M&Ms.” (48:38)

  • Rewards can be helpful for habit formation (brush teeth, potty train), but are less effective at fostering lasting identity traits (like kindness or a taste for broccoli).
  • Use rewards thoughtfully and match to the goal—don’t stress about damaging your child’s moral character with a sticker chart!

5. Sharing, Hitting, and Developmental Norms in Toddlerhood (21:31–24:50)

• Myth: My toddler not sharing— or hitting/biting— means they’re abnormal.
  • Emily Oster:

  “Here is the data on how many kids hit. It’s all kids.... And that is really developmentally normal.” (22:09)

  • The acceptability of physical behavior has changed more than kids themselves.
  • Dr. Pressman: Parenting intensity and surveillance has increased; don’t interpret every squabble as a crisis.

6. Picky Eating: Phases, Pressure, and Solutions (24:50–32:32)

• Myth: Picky eating is a dire health crisis and must be “fixed” with intense strategies (or hidden veggies).
  • Emily Oster: Almost all kids go through picky phases, particularly ages 18 months–4 years; critical nutrient deficiencies are rare.
    • “If your kid ate two ketchup packets a day, that would be enough vitamin C to not get scurvy.” (26:01)
  • For vegetables: repeated exposure and non-pressured taste-building (including dips!) works better than sneaking veggies in brownies.

7. Sleep Training & Co-Sleeping: Data vs. Judgment (32:53–40:37)

• Myth: Sleep training scars kids for life; co-sleeping harms their independence.
  • Emily Oster:

  “If you look at randomized trial data on sleep training… it improves sleep on average…improves parental mental health… [and] doesn’t cause any short or long term negative consequences in kids.” (33:30)

  • “There are many cultures in which people co-sleep for years…If co-sleeping is a thing that works for your family, then it is a thing that people should feel totally comfortable doing.” (35:45)
  • Takeaway: Choose flexible routines that support family well-being. Changing habits (especially with toddler sleep) is hard work, not impossible, and should depend on your capacity at the moment—not guilt.
  • Quote:

  “Your kid’s sleeping in your bed. They’re eating only nuggets for dinner—with two packets of ketchup… It’s fine…It’s affecting your experience, which is important, but…everything’s great for my kid.” (39:55)

8. Potty Training: Timelines and Realities (41:30–42:56)

• Myth: You can potty train any child in three days.
  • Emily Oster:

  “You cannot potty train your kid in three days… it typically takes a few weeks to kind of get all the way from like the beginning to when your kid is finished potty training…” (41:37)

  • Pooping in the potty often takes even longer and is particularly challenging for children.

9. Sibling Relationships & Comparisons (54:46–56:22)

• Myth: There’s a foolproof way to make siblings get along; comparisons (“Why can’t you be like your sister?”) are harmless.
  • Emily Oster:

  “One thing that seems to be bad for developing sibling relationships is…a lot of comparison. That generates…very, very long term resentments even in adult siblings.” (55:02)

  • The sibling bond is complex and can't be engineered; avoid overt comparison and focus on nurturing a safe family space.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parental perfection anxiety:

  “I want to be the perfect, imperfect, like level of not perfect… So it was more stressful to her to think about herself in this way of being a perfectionist…” – Dr. Pressman (05:31)

• On over-rotating toys:

  “In general, if it requires a spreadsheet, it’s probably overdoing it.” – Dr. Pressman (08:29)

• On rushing, guilt, & anxiety:

  “We’ve somehow decided that parental mental health is not important…” – Emily Oster (03:50)

• On myth that ‘good job’ is harmful:

  “People…will go all over themselves to not say ‘good job’… and so where did that come from?” – Emily Oster (15:39)

• On sleep training:

  “If it is something that seems like it would be for you, then… you should feel comfortable doing it.” – Emily Oster (34:22)

• On rewards for habit formation:

  “You can use rewards to generate habits.” – Emily Oster (49:00)

Timestamps for Major Topics

• 02:08 – The “hurried child” panic and its origins
• 06:05 – Toy rotation, parental control, and data-backed reality
• 15:39 – The “don’t say good job” myth and over-correcting praise
• 21:31 – Sharing, hitting, and developmental normalcy in toddlerhood
• 24:50 – Picky eating: phases and what actually works
• 32:53 – Sleep training, co-sleeping, and psychological outcomes
• 41:30 – The truth about potty training timelines
• 46:18 – Rewards, motivation, and habit formation
• 54:46 – Sibling rivalry and the dangers of comparison

Practical Advice & Final Takeaways

• Almost nothing about daily parenting minutiae—praise words, rotating toys, toilets in three days, sleep strategies, specific food phobias—will make or break a healthy, loving child.
• Focus on what works for your family and your sanity (“What do you want your living room to look like?”).
• When in doubt, check reliable data or use resources like ParentData rather than Google panic spirals or unsolicited social media advice.

  • “I’d like to replace your panic Google. Try this out before you panic Google and find out that you’ve done something terrible because it’s very, very unlikely that you have.” – Emily Oster (57:02)

• Red flags in advice: Be skeptical of absolute certainty and prescriptive “evidence-based” claims on social media, especially if not tailored to a real decision or if not sought out by you.
  • Ask: Am I really seeking an answer to this question right now? (59:00)

“If you really zoom out…and you’re like, what really matters to me is this, like, big picture…Your kid’s fine. Everything’s great… these things are not going to have an impact on that other than your capacity. And so when you can deal with it, if you want to deal with it, there are ways.”
— Dr. Pressman (40:37)

For more myth-busting and calm, practical advice, visit parentdata.org or follow Dr. Pressman on social media.