Podcast Summary: Raising Good Humans
Episode: The Tell: A Conversation About Healing and Re-Parenting Oneself with Amy Griffin
Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman (B)
Guest: Amy Griffin (A)
Release Date: December 26, 2025

Main Theme

This episode explores the journey of healing from childhood trauma, specifically sexual abuse, through storytelling, re-parenting, vulnerability, and the powerful act of “telling.” Dr. Aliza Pressman and author Amy Griffin delve deeply into how sharing one’s story can foster personal resilience, repair family relationships, model vulnerability for one’s children, and highlight the importance of authentic connection. The conversation weaves Amy’s personal experiences, her parenting journey, and insights from her best-selling memoir, The Tell, all in the context of practical wisdom for parents and survivors alike.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Purpose of Writing and Telling

• Amy’s Motivation: Amy wrote The Tell first for herself, not seeking external validation or praise but as an authentic process of giving voice to her experiences.
  • “I wrote this book first for myself now never knowing that anyone would ever read it.” (04:52)
• Impact on Connections: Sharing her story has built deep connections and made her feel less alone rather than exposed.

2. Healing Through Authenticity, Vulnerability, and Re-Parenting

• Redefining Reparenting: Reparenting refers not only to learning new ways to parent her kids but also healing and ‘parenting’ herself and her relationships upwards (her mother, grandfather).
  • “I’ve been giving myself permission and I’ve been through this process of writing this book. I’ve been parenting myself.” (04:52)
• Generational Telling: Amy and her mother confronted old family stories, including her mother telling Amy’s 97-year-old grandfather before the book was published.

3. The Paradox of Praise and Perfectionism

• Seeking Praise: Amy discusses the irony of seeking praise much of her life, yet releasing her book not for praise, but for personal healing, only to receive widespread validation.
  • “... when you absolutely let go of needing validation from the world, the minute you do...” (04:52)
• Letting Go of Perfection: Her journey involved accepting she cannot control everything or achieve perfect outcomes—a lesson deeply relevant for parents.

4. Safe Harbor: The Role of Family

• Family As Safety Net: Amy credits her supportive family and loving childhood for her resilience, even though trauma happened outside that circle.
  • “It was the parenting at home, the loving relationship that I went home to every day that did keep me safe, that allowed for me to be alive and to be here today.” (08:32)
• Parenting Forward: She describes “parenting forward” as living her values authentically, knowing her kids watch her actions more than her words.

5. The Impact of Telling on Family Relationships

• Daughter’s Candid Request: Amy recounts her then-10-year-old daughter asking to “really know” her, serving as a catalyst for greater openness.
  • “Mom, we really don’t know you...we want to really know you.” (14:38)
• Husband’s Insight: Amy’s husband, John, prompts her to consider whether she’s “solving for the relationship or for a sense of control” in her parenting—a recurring lesson (17:09).
• Modeling Vulnerability: Amy discusses the importance of showing her children how to be vulnerable and honest, allowing them to feel safe telling their own truths.

6. Reflection and Humility in Parenting

• Parenting as Process: Amy embraces the ongoing, imperfect process of parenting, noting that her children observe her efforts to reflect, repair, and stay open.
  • “A lot of things can be solved with permission, compassion...and in parenting, a lot of it can be solved with humor.” (24:29)
• Embracing Adolescence: She accepts teenage rebellion as normal, not as personal failure, and uses humor to diffuse tension.

7. Trauma, Regulation, and Boundaries

• The Role of Control: Amy reflects on her lifelong need for control and the process of relinquishing it in both healing and parenting (28:02).
  • “No matter how many measures you put in place as a parent, you just, that’s the beauty of parenting, is you do not have control.” (28:59)
• Struggles with Boundaries: Amy admits to ongoing struggles in setting boundaries, desiring to help everyone who reaches out after reading her story.
  • “I’m definitely working on my boundaries and I’m working on it with my children and my husband, but I think boundaries are something we can always work on.” (29:27)

8. The Power and Responsibility of “The Tell”

• From “Believe Me” to “Tell”: The original manuscript was titled “Believe Me,” shifting to “The Tell” as Amy realized healing comes from telling her truth, not requiring others to validate it (33:07).
• Widespread Hidden Trauma: Amy’s experience of disclosure reveals the prevalence and secrecy of abuse, even among close friends and acquaintances (32:52).

9. Restorative Family Moments and Notable Quotes

• Father’s Response: When Amy disclosed her abuse, her father said:
  • “We might have missed the first part of your life, but we’re not going to miss the second.” (44:39)
    This was a deeply reparative moment for Amy.
• Supportive Partnership: John continues to support Amy with loving notes, modeling steady love and emotional availability (44:39).
• On Parenting and Vulnerability:
  • “Through vulnerability, I have been very resilient in writing this book and putting it out into the world.” (34:44)

10. The Lasting Legacy for Children

• Modeling Worthiness: Amy and Dr. Pressman reflect on how Amy’s honesty about her trauma, and the freedom she gives her kids to tell their own stories, grants them a fundamentally different template for self-worth.
  • “Witnessing that you get to live in this world as yourself and be loved is like...a gift for your kids forever.” (36:34)
• Permission to Pause and Tell: Amy notices her kids now “pause as a reflection that they’re about to tell me something,” signaling trust and openness (47:42).

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Letting Go of Validation:
  “Isn’t it fascinating that when you absolutely let go of needing validation from the world the minute you do.” - Amy (04:52)

• On Parental Support:
  “It was the parenting at home, the loving relationship that I went home to every day that did keep me safe, that allowed for me to be alive and to be here today.” - Amy (08:32)

• On Telling Her Father:
  “We might have missed the first part of your life, but we’re not going to miss the second second.” - Amy's father (44:39)

• On Parenting and Vulnerability:
  “Through vulnerability, I have been very resilient in writing this book and putting it out into the world.” - Amy (34:44)

• On the Shift from ‘Believe Me’ to ‘Tell’:
  “...the shift from believe me to tell. One is controlling how other people receive you...the other is like, I don’t...It doesn’t matter. Like, I’m not gonna depend on how you feel to tell. I’m gonna tell. And then you get to do you.” - Aliza (33:07)

• On Children Feeling Safe to Share:
  “If one could imagine that every time our kids would hesitate to tell us something because they would worry about their worthiness changing in our eyes, that they would know nothing they say to us, nothing that’s happened, is going to change. That… you can’t teach them that by saying those words. You have to live that.” - Aliza (47:08)

Important Segment Timestamps

• Amy on letting go of validation, reparenting: 04:52
• Discussing the power of safe family relationships: 08:32
• Daughter’s pivotal comment and Amy’s response: 14:38
• Husband’s safe harbor and insight on control: 17:09
• Reflections on parenting changes, using humor and compassion: 24:29
• Regulation and the myth of control in parenting: 28:02
• Actionable advice on boundaries and overwhelm: 29:27
• Moving from ‘Believe Me’ to ‘Tell’: 33:07
• Father’s reparative response and ongoing family support: 44:39
• Parenting through modeling, not perfection: 46:41
• Living vulnerability as a gift for her children: 36:34
• On readiness and timing for self-disclosure: 49:38

Conclusion

This rich, raw episode models how confronting personal trauma and sharing it authentically can trickle positively through generations, improving family dynamics and self-compassion. Amy Griffin’s journey—moving from secrecy to open telling, from striving for perfection to modeling vulnerability—suggests that the greatest gifts parents can give are honesty, self-acceptance, and the safety to be one’s true self. Dr. Pressman deftly draws out actionable lessons for parents, therapists, and survivors alike, making this episode impactful, deeply human, and filled with hope.

Content Note:
Due to the heavy subject matter (childhood sexual abuse and trauma), listeners are advised to take care and avoid playing this episode with children present.