Raising Good Humans Podcast: “What Temperament Really Is—and Why It Matters for Parenting”

Host: Dr. Aliza Pressman
Guest: Dr. Koraly Pérez-Edgar
Date: September 5, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Aliza Pressman is joined by Dr. Koraly Pérez-Edgar, a leading developmental psychologist and temperament researcher. Together, they explore the true nature of temperament, how it differs from personality, its biological roots, and why understanding temperament is crucial for effective and compassionate parenting. The episode dives into how children’s temperamental differences manifest, are shaped by parenting and culture, and can influence outcomes like shyness, assertiveness, and even risk-taking.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Temperament: The Biological Foundation

[02:04 – 04:09]

• Temperament is described as the “biological basis of personality”—how children express likes, dislikes, and interact with their surroundings, starting very early.
  • Three pillars:
    1. Biologically based (“not a single gene—think polygenic,” [04:09])
    2. Early appearing
    3. Relatively stable across contexts
• There isn’t a single “shyness gene”; rather, temperament is a complex interplay of multiple genes and biological processes (e.g., hormones, brain, cardiac responses).

“It has a biological basis, but it is not deterministic.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [03:38]

2. Temperament Is Not Destiny—Parenting Shapes Trajectories

[04:09 – 07:01]

• Parenting and environment shape how temperament’s foundational traits are expressed over time.
• A shy child can become more outgoing, and a highly assertive child can learn to slow down and self-regulate.

“You can help a shy child become more outgoing, just like you can help the very assertive, outgoing child slow down a bit and take a deep breath.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [06:40]

3. No “Best” Temperament, Just Different Needs

[07:01 – 09:11]

• The so-called “easy” temperament is adaptable but not objectively better than “more reactive” or “more sensitive” ones.
• All children—easy, shy, highly active—are still developing and have their own joys and difficulties.

“Those easy children are not easy a hundred percent of the time, 24/7. They’re still developing humans.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [09:11]

4. Temperament Across Development: What to Look For in Infancy and Early Childhood

[10:03 – 13:51]

• Early signs include sensitivity to noises, reactions to stimulation (e.g., jack-in-the-box), need for regularity.
• Lab observations show some infants delighted by surprises, others frightened—early glimpses of temperament.

“For the child who’s negative reactive, they have an increased probability of being more socially withdrawn later.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [12:25]

• Important distinction between the probability of traits (like later social anxiety) and risk (“shyness is just a trait”; it shouldn’t be pathologized).

5. The Role of Parenting: Supporting, Not Fixing

[14:30 – 17:21]

• Parents should help children develop tools for challenges, not “fix” who they are.
• Example: Supporting a shy child with presentations—brainstorming coping strategies rather than excusing them or pushing too hard.

“Fixing our children is usually what we’re the worst at… give the child tools for when they need to branch out so that they feel confident and empowered.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [14:57]

6. Scaffolding for Exuberant/Risk-Taking Kids

[20:33 – 25:55]

• Parents of risk-inclined or highly active children can channel these tendencies into safe, structured activities (bounce houses, athletics, theater).
• Offer outlets for natural strengths while setting safe boundaries—guide, don't suppress.

“You’re at least giving them structured activities... giving them the safety to do it in a way that is scaffolded and supervised.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [23:32]

7. Temperament and Culture

[28:32 – 34:03]

• Temperament = the “clay”, culture = the hands that shape it.
• Cultures value traits (e.g., shyness, assertiveness) differently and reinforce these in children (e.g., Chinese vs. Sicilian children).
• Gender norms also influence how temperamental traits are seen and supported.

“Culture... is the way in which that clay begins to be molded, not changed, not turned into wood, not becomes glass, but shaped.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [28:59]

8. Building Toolkits Without Pathologizing Kids

[37:10 – 40:55]

• The goal is to empower children with tools so they can function successfully in different environments, not to change their innate nature.
• Activities should be chosen for the child’s joy and skill-building, not parental ego or expectations.

9. Temperament vs. Attachment: Both Matter

[41:35 – 44:09]

• Historic debates pitted attachment and temperament against each other; now researchers acknowledge both interact and matter.
• Some temperaments make attachment-building easier, some harder.
• Secure relationships can help “shape early temperamental tendencies.”

“A strong, secure attachment relationship can help ease and shape early temperamental tendencies. And isn't that lovely?”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [42:53]

10. Parenting Is Harder with Some Temperaments—And That's OK

[44:09 – 46:20]

• Acknowledgment: It's harder to parent some temperaments (e.g., kids who don’t sleep or are impulsive) and that’s not a parental failure.
• When children’s struggles are lessened, parents’ stress and mental health improve too.

“You are not crazy to think it’s hard to parent a child who doesn’t sleep... It is more difficult to parent a child who won’t leave your side.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [45:16]

11. New Research on Parent-Child Synchrony

[46:20 – 54:49]

• New studies show that during interaction, parent and child’s biological signals (brainwaves, heartbeats) synchronize—especially under stress or teamwork.
• Children good at self-regulating synchronize more with parents during stress, possibly “borrowing regulation.”
• Synchrony may be adaptive at some ages but could become problematic if it hinders autonomy; more research needed.

“Whenever people are in a room together, interacting, their biological signals become more synchronized… our bodies become attuned to the people we interact with.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [47:00]

12. The Role of Temperament in Modern Parenting Concerns

[60:07 – 65:23]

• Whether it’s social media, mental health, or external events, not all kids respond the same—temperament shapes vulnerability.
• For example, some shy kids benefit from social media as a form of connection, while for others it's detrimental.
• Parents should watch their own child’s responses rather than universalize tips or warnings.

“It can’t necessarily be that everything is good and everything is bad... every child is slightly more or less sensitive to some aspect of their environment.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [60:41]

13. Goodness of Fit: Parent and Child Temperaments

[65:23 – 71:21]

• The match (“goodness of fit”) between parent and child temperaments can affect outcomes.
• Parents must adapt, become attuned to differences, and scaffold for their child.
• Sensitivity and adaptation—more than similarity—lead to a better fit.

14. Temperament Is Dimensional, Not Categorical

[71:21 – 75:40]

• Different dimensions (activity level, sensory sensitivity, self-regulation, emotional reactivity) all comprise temperament.
• These traits can group together but also vary independently—and can sometimes be traced even to in-utero activity.

“There are no good foods. There are no bad foods. But for you as an individual, you get to learn which foods make you feel better... Same with temperament.”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [75:12]

15. Parental Self-Reflection and Temperament in Action

[79:34 – 83:01]

• Dr. Pérez-Edgar and Dr. Pressman share personal parenting stories that highlight the diversity of temperaments—even among their own children and spouses.
• The concept of the “experienced environment” is introduced: two people can be in the same objective setting but perceive and react entirely differently due to temperament.

“Our environment. You’re sitting in the same room, but your perception... is very different... That's why you could have two kids go to school, be in the same classroom, come home and report, ‘How was school today?’ One will say, ‘Horrible,’ ... the other child [says], ‘Oh, it was fine, we just did the project.’”
— Dr. Pérez-Edgar [82:38]

Notable Quotes

• “It is not that we can point to a gene and say, this is the shyness gene. This child will Be shy, period. End of story, right? It's shaping the child.”
  — Dr. Pérez-Edgar [03:38]

• “Your easy child will have a tantrum. In fact, doctors will be concerned ... if you have a child who never cries, never gets frustrated, never ... pushes against boundaries.”
  — Dr. Pérez-Edgar [09:22]

• “Some people are naturally hilarious, and others are not ... you can help a shy child become more outgoing.”
  — Dr. Pérez-Edgar [06:10]

• “Temperament ... is the clay. But unless you work on that clay ... it will never be a vase.”
  — Dr. Pérez-Edgar [28:59]

• “Fixing our children is usually what we’re worst at ... what you can do is give the child tools.”
  — Dr. Pérez-Edgar [14:57]

• “Whenever people are in a room together, interacting, their biological signals become more synchronized.”
  — Dr. Pérez-Edgar [47:00]

• “It’s not to fix the child. It is to give them tools they can use to engage in the world the way they wish to and need to.”
  — Dr. Pérez-Edgar [37:44]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | |-----------|-------| | 02:04 | What is temperament? Biological base, polygenic nature | | 07:13 | Easy temperament vs. more extreme traits | | 10:39 | Temperament signs in infancy; reactivity vs. adaptability | | 13:51 | Probability vs. risk in shy/socially withdrawn kids | | 14:57 | Why parents shouldn’t “fix” temperament—support instead | | 20:33 | Parenting highly active, risk-taking children | | 28:59 | Temperament and culture (“the clay and the hands”) | | 37:10 | Building toolkits for kids without pathologizing them | | 41:35 | Attachment vs. temperament; how they interact | | 44:09 | Acknowledging parenting is harder with some temperaments | | 46:20 | Parent-child biological synchrony: new research insights | | 60:41 | Not every parenting tip fits every temperament | | 65:23 | Goodness of fit: matches/mismatches between parent and child | | 71:46 | Temperament as multidimensional (activity, sensitivity, etc.) | | 79:34 | Personal stories; objective vs. experienced environment |

Summary & Takeaways

Understanding temperament provides an essential lens for more empathetic, practical, and individualized parenting. It’s not about “fixing” kids but equipping them with strategies to navigate the world as they are. While culture and parenting shape how temperament appears, every child has unique patterns—and so does every parent. True support means observing, listening, adapting, and embracing the broad spectrum of human nature, not striving for a cookie-cutter ideal.

“There are no good temperaments, there are no bad temperaments. But for you as an individual, you get to learn what works for you—and as a parent, how to help your child thrive with who they are.”