Realfoodology Podcast — Episode Summary

Podcast: Realfoodology
Host: Courtney Swan
Episode: "Why Kegels Aren’t Enough: Improving Pelvic Floor Health"
Date: September 16, 2025
Guest: Mary Ellen Ryder, Co-Founder of Yarlap

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into women's pelvic floor health with guest Mary Ellen Ryder, co-founder of Yarlap, an FDA-cleared pelvic floor muscle stimulator. Host Courtney Swan and Mary Ellen break down myths, stigmas, and practical solutions around the pelvic floor — covering topics like urinary incontinence, painful sex, and improving orgasms. The core message: pelvic floor issues are common, treatable, and should be discussed openly, not hidden in shame.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Normalizing Pelvic Floor Conversations

• Courtney emphasizes the importance of talking openly about pelvic health, breaking stigma and shame that often stop women from seeking help.

  • "We all have those parts, and it shouldn't be shameful. And we should be empowered to ask our doctor questions or talk about this with our friends... so that we can better our health." (02:13)

• Mary Ellen describes her upbringing and business partnership with her dad, noting her unique experience growing up with anatomically correct language and a shame-free approach to the body:

  • "Parts are parts. They have proper names and you should use them. So it was never like hoo ha, pp or anything like that. It was like, this is the vagina, this is a penis, this is a vulva..." (08:56)

2. What the Pelvic Floor Is & Why It Matters

• Mary Ellen explains the pelvic floor as a "hammock" holding the bladder, uterus, and other organs in place. Weakening causes organs to shift, often resulting in urinary incontinence and other issues.
  • "Everybody's got one. But we hear about it more often with women because we go through more things in life that can create pressure, trauma or atrophy on our pelvic floor muscles." (12:02)
• Myths Debunked: It's not just part of aging, not just for mothers — pelvic floor weakness can happen to anyone, at any age.

3. Causes of Pelvic Floor Dysfunction

• Common Causes:

  • Repetitive motion (running, squats, workouts)
  • Childbirth and pregnancy
  • Hormones, weight, and aging
  • General lack of engagement or awareness
  • "For women, it's just so much easier to say, like, what doesn't cause weakened pelvic floor..." (13:49)

• Mary Ellen highlights how many women adjust their lifestyles to hide symptoms:

  • "I'm no longer working in group settings. I'm no longer wearing anything besides black. I'm not going to go and leave my house for more than... a few hours at a time..." (14:48)

• Prevalence: 1 in 3 women in the US experience some form of urinary incontinence. (20:10)

4. Treating and Preventing Pelvic Floor Issues

A. Kegel Exercises: Not One-Size-Fits-All

• Mary Ellen debunks the notion that Kegels are a cure-all:
  • "If you have a tightened pelvic floor... where it's clenched all the time, clenching it with a pelvic floor exercise like a Kegel is not going to be your best bet. You want to learn how to relax those muscles." (21:45)
  • Some women have hypertonic (too tight) pelvic floors, leading to painful sex and other issues. (21:41)

B. Figuring Out Your Pelvic Floor State

• Consult a doctor or pelvic floor therapist to determine if your issue is weakness (hypotonic) or excessive tightness (hypertonic).
• Simple self-checks: The Oxford test (try to squeeze a finger internally), but professional guidance is highly recommended. (22:02, 24:24)

C. Tools, Devices, and Proper Technique

• On Yoni Balls & Weighted Balls:
  Engagement is helpful but not guaranteed, and many women inadvertently use abs or glutes instead of the pelvic floor:

  • "They don't have the technology to show you if you're actually engaged in the pelvic floor..." (26:38)

• On Proper Kegels:

  • 50%+ of women do them incorrectly; isolation is hard.
  • Don't rely on stopping urination as a regular exercise; this can be harmful if repeated often. (25:47)

• Yoga & Pilates can help develop pelvic floor awareness through guided physical engagement. (28:09)

5. Introducing Yarlap: A Technological Solution

• What is Yarlap?
  • An FDA-cleared vaginal device, about tampon-sized, that does pelvic floor exercises for you.
  • Sends gentle signals to engage and relax muscles, helping both weak and overly tight pelvic floors.
  • Discreet, quiet, and comfortable: "It doesn't vibrate, it doesn't make any noises. It's not an adult toy. It literally just goes in and is like, 'Hey, muscles. Hi. Welcome to the party. We're gonna work out for like 20 minutes and then Bye.'" (38:04)
  • Control and relaxation are both key for optimal pelvic health and overall well-being. (35:43)

6. Pelvic Floor, Sex, and Orgasms

• Stronger pelvic floor = better sex and orgasms:
  • The muscular contractions during orgasm are pelvic floor muscles.
  • "When you have an orgasm, you're engaging those pelvic floor muscles... Your body kicks in to know how to do those muscle exercises, how to do those movements, how to do them bigger, better and stronger." (42:16)
  • The clitoris runs along the pelvic floor and benefits from muscle engagement.
  • Weakness or lack of tone may make orgasms harder to achieve (not always, but it can be a factor to explore with a healthcare provider). (43:38)

7. Painful Sex and Pelvic Floor Relaxation

• Painful intercourse can be due to a hypertonic (overly tight) pelvic floor.
• Mary Ellen's tip: Visualize a rosebud slowly blooming to help relax the muscles.
  • "Try to think of your muscles as that rosebud and try to make that flower bloom and slowly relax your muscles as the flower blooms..." (46:45)
• Specialist guidance, pelvic floor relaxation exercises, and therapeutic resources are vital for those struggling with pain.

8. Resources for Listeners

• Where to Start:
  • Consult medical professionals (physical therapists, doctors, or sex therapists)
  • Yarlap website (resources and blog)
  • WebMD (for basics, but NOT for self-diagnosis!)
  • NHS (UK) site, InStyle magazine, Women's Health magazine (40:04)

Memorable Quotes

• Mary Ellen Ryder:

  • "There should be no shame or stigma or embarrassment ever. Yes. Call it that shame." (10:42)
  • "One in three women in the United States will have some form of urinary incontinence... and it is treatable most of the time. But we don't want to talk about it or admit that we have that problem." (20:10)
  • "Total pelvic floor control is the ability to not only clench on command, but also to relax on command. So the Yarlap teaches you to do both of those." (35:55)
  • "When you have an orgasm, you're engaged in those pelvic floor muscles, you're doing an exercise that's really great, you guys, and good job." (42:18)
  • "For women, I definitely feel like in society we are basically just told suck it up. Or like, don't say anything and be quiet. And I think that's bullshit. And I want to be part of the people that tell everybody to basically shove off." (48:18)

• Courtney Swan:

  • "Please do not be ashamed to talk about these kind of things. This is your body, this is your life. You want to get the most out of life. Sex is fun. You don't want to be having to worry about peeing your pants or whatever... just know that it's normal, but it's also fixable." (44:25)

Key Timestamps

• [06:35] — Mary Ellen's background, Yarlap origins, "parts are parts" upbringing
• [11:24] — Why pelvic floor health matters for all women
• [13:49] — Common causes of pelvic floor weakening
• [20:10] — Prevalence: "1 in 3 women..."
• [21:41] — Hypertonic (too tight) pelvic floors & painful sex
• [26:38] — Limitations of yoni/weighted balls and Kegels
• [28:09] — Yoga/Pilates as pelvic floor support
• [35:43] — Yarlap device explained: what it is, how it works
• [38:04] — What does Yarlap feel like?
• [41:46] — Pelvic floor's effect on orgasms and sex
• [46:45] — Painful sex, relaxation techniques (rosebud analogy)
• [48:18] — Final advice: reject shame, seek support

Additional Resources for Listeners

• Yarlap’s Website & Blog — Guides and information on pelvic floor health
• Women’s Health, InStyle, and WebMD: General information (not for self-diagnosis)
• NHS (UK) Website — Comprehensive, reliable pelvic health info
• Seek Pelvic Floor Physical Therapists or Sex Therapists — For tailored support

Closing Notes

This episode arms listeners with knowledge, encouragement, and actionable steps to improve pelvic health. The key takeaway: Pelvic floor issues are common, fixable, and not a reason for shame. Open, educated discussion and self-advocacy empower women to reclaim their sexual and overall health.