How to Friend

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How to Friend"

Podcast: Red Rocks Church Weekend Messages
Episode Date: June 6, 2026
Main Speaker: Red Rocks Church Pastor (speaker’s name not explicitly stated)
Theme: Biblical Blueprint for Thriving in Friendships and Relationships

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Main Overview

This episode explores God's design for relationships, focusing on the importance and intentionality of friendship within the Christian life. The message targets everyone—single, married, healing, in transition, or simply craving deeper community. Rather than teaching how to find good friends, the speaker presents a challenge: How can you be a good friend, reflecting Christ's call to togetherness and sacrificial love?

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

God’s Design for Community

• God created humans for relationship—as seen in Genesis 1:26, where He says, "Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us," underscoring God’s own triune community.
• The cultural "loneliness epidemic" is not solved by finding the right room, but by building and cultivating friendship (02:16–02:45).
• Modern science supports the biblical view: strong relationships are crucial for physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness (07:08–08:06).

Friendship: "The Ultimate Biohack"

• Modern society is obsessed with optimizing health (biohacking), but often overlooks optimizing relationships.
• Quote: "Friendship is the ultimate biohack." — Simon Sinek, as referenced by the pastor (05:26, 09:30).
• The health benefits of friendship surpass many trendy life-hacks.

Taking Ownership: It Starts with You

• “The whole time we’re listening, we’re thinking about the other person who should be here hearing this... Hebrews 10 is not for them, Hebrews 10 is for us.” (09:11–09:19)
• The episode pivots from pointing fingers to self-reflection: What kind of friend am I? (03:00–03:22)

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Three Reflective Questions for Friendship

1. "Do I Really Want Ride-or-Die?" (12:44)

• True friendship means “with you no matter what”—not just fun, but showing up in messy, hard, and inconvenient moments (14:15).
• Quote: "A ride or die friend is the one who will walk to the bus stop with you when the limo breaks down." (14:10)
• Jesus’ standard: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13, 14:44)
• Reflect: Are you willing to pay the real cost for deep friendship? Are you "spurable"—able to receive challenge and truth from friends, not just comfort? (19:18)

2. "Are My Friends Really My Priority?" (22:33)

• Priorities are only real when put into action—are you investing time and presence, or just offering appreciation and good intentions? (23:35–24:08)
• Technology, distance, and busyness easily undermine connection. Being together must be intentional: “Do not give up meeting together” (Hebrews 10:25, 24:54).
• In crisis we prioritize counseling for marriage, but not for friendship; often, we simply move on or opt for easier connections instead of working through conflict (23:10–23:35).
• The digital age offers more followers than friends, more connection than actual connection (25:49).

3. "Am I the Kind of Friend I’m Looking For?" (34:39)

• The best advice: Become the version of yourself that your future friend or spouse would want to be with (34:46–34:54).
• Generosity in friendship is more than money—it’s encouragement, forgiveness, and choosing to draw bigger relational circles instead of smaller after being hurt (36:13–39:45).
• Quote: “The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy, smaller and smaller.” — Proverbs 11:24–25, read at (36:21).
• Jesus’ example: Radical generosity, even forgiving those who crucified Him (38:01–39:45).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Intentions vs. Actions:
  “Most of us think we’re better friends than we actually are because when it comes to us, we grade ourselves on our intentions; when it comes to everybody else, we grade them on their actions.” — Simon Sinek, quoted by pastor (09:57–10:09)
• On Choosing Community Over Convenience or Career:
  “I choose people over a place any day, man.” (32:49)
• On Real vs. Digital Community:
  "Machines meet our relational needs better than people do. Paw Patrol is a better parent than me in that moment." (26:08)
• On the Cost of Friendship:
  “Having followers costs you nothing. Having friends costs you something.” (19:02)
• On Circle Drawing:
  On being hurt and excluding others: “You can just draw a slightly smaller circle.”
  Jesus’ response to betrayal: “He would draw an even bigger circle to include you.” (36:13–39:45)
• On Relationship Generosity:
  "Encouragement is relational generosity, gossip is relational stinginess." (35:55–36:13)
• On Kingdom Wealth:
  "God's plan for you is to be rich in relationships by being famous to your friends, famous to your family, famous to a few." (39:51)

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Important Timestamps

• Opening & Context: 00:00–02:30
• Defining the Loneliness Epidemic and Call to Friendship: 02:16–03:29
• Theological Foundation (Trinity & Community): 06:31–07:02
• Comparison of Biohacking and Friendship: 03:35–05:26, 07:08–08:06
• Ownership of Friendship: 09:11–09:19
• Three Key Questions Framework Begins: 12:44
• Ride-or-Die Friendships: 12:44–22:26
• Priority of Friendship: 22:33–34:39
• Becoming the Kind of Friend You Seek: 34:39–44:17
• Drawing Circles/Relational Generosity: 36:13–39:45
• Kingdom Principle: Giving to Receive: 40:23–42:57
• Closing Prayer: 45:44–46:17

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Tone & Style

The message is lively, humorous, and relatable, blending biblical teaching with modern everyday examples and pop culture references (cold plunges, iPads, "Friends" TV show, etc.). The tone is pastoral and empathetic—both challenging and encouraging, authentic about struggles, and passionate about God's vision for Christian friendship.

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Final Takeaway

• Friendship is God’s “ultimate biohack”—an essential to a full and healthy life, not an optional extra.
• We must be intentional and sacrificial in building communities, choosing people over convenience, and prioritizing real, messy, beautiful togetherness.
• Become the kind of friend you're looking for, modeling Christ’s generous love, encouragement, and forgiveness in all relationships.
• "Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future."

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To sum up: This message is both a mirror and a blueprint for anyone desiring deeper relationships: friendship is not stumbled upon but cultivated, prioritized, and freely given, just as Christ modeled and commanded.

Transcript

[A]

Amen. The joy of the Lord is our strength. Come on. One more time. Let's go. And you want to know something? Austin, Texas. We are broadcasting this message to every other Red Rocks Church location. So can we welcome everybody at our campuses in Denver, Colorado? Come on. Everything's bigger in Texas, including the cheers, right? Brussels, Belgium. We love you so much, men and women at our four correctional facility campuses. We love you. And watch parties all over the world. Welcome to Red Rocks Church. We're just a bunch of imperfect people who love getting together to pursue a perfect God. And we're grateful and glad every single one of you is here, because it's summer loving, baby. Now turn to somebody and say, tell me more, tell me more, tell me more. Summer loving. We're about to talk a biblical blueprint in order to thrive at relationships the way God designed it, he wants you to win when it comes to relationships. And I promise you, this is for every single person, regardless of your relationship status, whether you are single or you're married or you're dating or you're single, wanting to be married or you're married. And if you're honest, every once in a while, you're wanting to be single, or if you just got broken up with or if you just broke up with somebody or you're trying to heal right now, you're in a situationship, you are divorced, you are, you are widowed. It is what I'm trying to just. If you're recovering from being in a relationship with somebody who is quote unquote, just bad at texting back, like, this is. This is the series that is for you. Friendship, parenting, all of the above. Today, I actually want to talk about friendship. I want to talk about togetherness and community. And I want to read two verses

[B]

from Hebrews, chapter 10, verses 24 and 25.

[A]

Here we go. Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Do not give up meeting together as

[B]

some are in the habit of doing, but encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching.

[A]

God made us for friendship. God made us for togetherness. We all know there's a loneliness epidemic

[B]

going on right now.

[A]

Loneliness isn't solved by finally walking into

[B]

the right lobby or the right room.

[A]

You don't. You don't just stumble upon friendship. You build it. You don't just find by getting lucky. Community. Community is something that is cultivated. And I know, like, we all, we all talk about it. I hear the bleak reviews all the time. I just wish the dating pool was better. I just wish the friend pool was better. And while I understand that today I want to preach a message that has us look at ourselves in the mirror and we hold Up Hebrews chapter 10

[B]

and ask ourselves questions about what kind

[A]

of friend am I? Because we get better corporately that that pool of friends gets better corporately when each of us take ownership of individually. And so I want to preach a message called how to friend. And I don't want to preach a message about how to find good friends. I want to preach one about how to be one. How to be a good friend. And so God, we love you.

[B]

Would you draw near to us today as we draw near to you? Encourage us, challenge us for your glory in Jesus name.

[A]

And everybody said amen. Amen.

[B]

How to friend.

[A]

Well, we are living in the golden age of biohacking. Anybody in this room? I mean I'm in Austin, Texas right now, so I know, I know the city. I'm in biohacking, okay? And I'm one of them, all right? We don't just wanna live anymore. We're trying to figure out how to live forever. The fullness of. The fullness of the fullest life. John 10, 10, 10 To God be the glory. And so we will cold plunge for the dopamine and we will sauna for the detox. I'm talking about me. We all know it, okay? I took a cold plunge at 4:30 this morning.

[B]

But it's not about me, it's about God.

[A]

O Also like we're talking about Ryan

[B]

a little bit too because he does it. And Ethan and honestly Sean and Conrad and Jordan and BZ and most of our staff and like half of our church, okay?

[A]

We are biohackers in the golden age of biohacking.

[B]

We do mouth tapes so we can nose breathe through the night so we can get that REM sleep and that deep sleep. Also we can jump start our 12

[A]

step morning routines with a large glass of lukewarm water. Not cold, not chilled, lukewarm with some lemon and some Himalayan pink salt.

[B]

If it's not from the Himalayan and

[A]

it's not pink, then get that salt out of here, man. I gotta down this water and hydrate my, my, my, my veins, my arteries and my cells before I step outside and stare at the sun until my retinas burn. Also, I can activate my cortisol before I'm awake for 30 minutes. Okay? It's the, it's the golden era of biohacking. Like we, we track our steps, we track our food, we track our tracking we have watches that, that tell us how we slept. We have rings that tell us how we slept. We have mattresses that tell somehow we still don't know how we slept. And if I could just give you one of the best quotes I've heard in a long time. I heard this a few months ago on a podcast.

[B]

I love this.

[A]

Simon Sinek, leader, thought leader, thinker guy. Really, really smart. I love listening to him. He said, friendship is the ultimate biohack. Friendship is the ultimate biohack. Because so many issues, stress, anxiety, loneliness, burnout, even physical health improve. When you have meaningful relationships. And in a day and age when everybody's trying to optimize their health and optimize their bodies, very few people are optimizing their relationships. That's why we do stuff like a relationship series, because this matters to God and is a huge part of your faith. Because we are relational beings made in the image of a relational God. I want to show you this. In Genesis, chapter 1, verse 26, this is God speaking. He says, let us make human beings in our. Not my. In our image, to be like us. So the question is, wait, isn't this Genesis 1? Like, in the beginning, it was just God. So isn't God alone?

[B]

Yeah, he is.

[A]

But wait, so is he by himself?

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

So how's that work? Because God is a trinity. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, one essence, three persons, tri, unity, Trinity. God is truly the three best friends

[B]

that anybody could ever have.

[A]

And we are made in the image

[B]

of a God who is within himself a community. This is why we all have this intrinsic pull to each other and we can't really understand it.

[A]

This is why Friends is the most

[B]

watched TV show of all time. And when you watch it, you want what those six characters have with each other. There's a reason for that. You're made to want what those characters have with each other. You are a community being. You are made for community. And you cannot get away from that or around that. You have to follow Jesus for yourself. You're not made to follow Jesus by yourself. And what I love in our. In our modern day and age is all the studies are basically proving this, that the people who live longer and the people who handle stress the best. The people who can process pain, even pain like grief the best. The people who are emotionally healthiest, spiritually healthiest, even physically healthiest. There's a common denominator with all of them, strong relationships. So listen, I love to cold plunge and sauna and take 5 milligrams of creatine monohydrate every single morning. And I track my sleep.

[A]

I'm not against optimization. I'm just saying I think we spend

[B]

way more effort trying to improve our whoop scores than we do our relationships. And friendship is God's ultimate biohack.

[A]

Now all of us want deeper friendships. All of us crave more togetherness. And you know what? God actually wants those things for you as well, for your relationships to thrive. First and foremost, your relationship with him. We had the song Good Plans on In the House a few weeks ago. And the chorus is, he has good plans. He has good plans for me and Kinsley. My five year old is at the counter coloring. She doesn't even look up.

[B]

She says, daddy, I love this song.

[A]

And it just blessed my. I was like, oh, sweetie, why? She goes, because Corey's singing about how we have good friends. We have good friends. And it's so cute. I didn't even correct her. Because you want to know something? I think having good friends. In fact, I'm positive having good friends is one of your good God's good

[B]

plans for your life. But the problem with friendship sermons and

[A]

the problem with the relationship series is that.

[B]

And it's already happening.

[A]

The whole time we're listening, we're thinking about the other person in our life

[B]

who should be here hearing this, ready

[A]

to figure out a way to get somebody else to send it to them. You know, trying to elbow your spouse or get the Holy Spirit to nudge your spouse. Like, how do I. What about my flaky friend or my roommate or my boss or. But guys, Hebrews chapter 10 is not for them. Hebrews chapter 10 is for us. And I love that Simon Sinek said, biohacking the ultimate. The ultimate biohack is friendship. One more thing that Simon says. And by the way, if Simon says it, you better do it or you're out. Simon says most of us think we're

[B]

better friends than we actually are because

[A]

when it comes to us, we grade

[B]

ourselves on our intentions, but when it comes to everybody else, we grade them on their actions and we do really good with intentions.

[A]

In theory, I'm great at all my relationships, right? And guys, relationships, they're so hard because people are messy. And I know because I is one. We're just the imperfect people pursuing a perfect God. Which means friending will be hard and dating will be hard and marriage will be hard. And don't even get me started on parenting, okay? A few weeks ago, me and Kinsley were on a flight From Denver to Austin. She's in the window seat. I'm in the middle seat. Obviously she needs the leg room. Cause she's five, so that makes sense. And she's an angel on flights because she gets my iPad. Don't judge me. Okay? And a few rows behind us, there's a baby crying, a newborn baby crying. And the girl in the seat next to me in the aisle seat could not have been more bothered by it. She was just dramatically. She was sighing so dramatically, just like every few minutes, like, oh my gosh, the baby would cry more.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

Finally, she snapped. She said, oh my gosh, like, parent your baby. And I thought, like, oh my gosh, are you young lady? Cause I'm at that age where I can call 20 year old girls young lady. I'm like, are you. Did you just say that? Like, oh my gosh. Are you implying having a logical conversation with a baby about the concept of flight and cabin pressure and your ears popping? Like, did you. Are you serious? Right? I'm sorry, is this baby cramping your style as you watch Two Hours of Love is Blind with your noise canceling headphones? Is it? But this is somehow difficult. You poor thing. I just, I wanted to say all this. I thought it. What I really wanted to say is don't be. You shouldn't be judging them. That is so hard to be those parents right now. Like relationships in general, that is. You should be praying for them. I prayed for her. I said, lord, would you bless this young lady with 12 kids one day, all of whom have runny noses and cry on flights that I'm not on? But man, when it comes to parenting and dating and friending, all of us are better in theory than we are in reality. So since we spend a lot of time trying to become the best version

[B]

of ourselves physically, what would it look like not to find better friends, but to become better friends and optimize our ourselves and our souls in our hearts and our minds for friendship?

[A]

Because we all want friends who are ride or die. You know, I actually, I love that phrase, are you a ride or die kind of friend? I'm looking for ride or die kind of friends. And that's great, but are you that kind of friend? I see. I want to use Hebrews chapter 10 once again as a. As a mirror to reflect who we are and how I'm actually doing at being a friend. Back to me. And I want to do that by giving us three questions to all not ask each other, but ask ourselves. Like David said, search My heart, God, search me. If there's anything in me that can change. Would you reveal it to me? What a beautiful, holy, mature prayer. So here's the first question. Do I really want ride or die? Because that, like, that's fun to say, easy to say. In theory, we all want that. We all want to be that. But a ride or die friend is the kind of friend who's with you no matter what. Not just the friend who will ride with you in the limousine, but the one who will walk to the bus stop with you when the limo breaks down. David and Jonathan in the Old Testament, ride or die friends. The four friends who ripped a hole through a roof in Mark, chapter two to get their paralyzed brother to Jesus. Ride or die friends. It's this unwavering loyalty. They're with you through success and through the failure, the good days and the bad. But a fair question is, do you

[B]

really want to ride or die like

[A]

you really want the inconvenient phone calls or the visiting the hospital in the

[B]

middle of the night, or needing to show up when you're exhausted? And the conflict resolution and the not shying away from the messiness, but stepping into the messiness.

[A]

Are you. Do you really want the hearing the truth when the truth isn't what you want to hear, or delivering the truth when it's not what what they want to hear? Do you really want to help them move all day just for some pizza?

[B]

Do you really want ride or die when it comes to relationships? Because according to Jesus, die is not a metaphor. John 15:13. He says, Greater love has no one than this. To lay down one's life for one's friends. And then the next day, that's exactly what he did.

[A]

So let's go Back to our two

[B]

verses from Hebrews 10. This is verse 24. One more time.

[A]

Let us consider how we may spur. Somebody say spur. Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Now, everybody breathe out, because I did

[B]

some research and it turns out good spurs don't hurt horses, okay? So just relax. If the spur is designed right and the horse has thick skin, then the horse feels pressure, but not pain, and the horse runs a better race because of it. So here's what's interesting. That's Hebrews 10. Two chapters later, Hebrews 12 starts by.

[A]

Basically, it's the Bible, likening your walk

[B]

of faith to a race that God has marked out for you. Run your race with perseverance, fixing your eyes on Jesus, the author, the pioneer, the perfecter. Of your faith and shake off everything that hinders you.

[A]

This is run it like you want

[B]

to win the prize, like you're a spiritual athlete. And statistically, the number one determining factor for how well you will run your race are the people you're running with. Your closest friendships will either push you closer to God or pull you away from God. There is not a neutral third option.

[A]

We don't know who wrote Hebrews, but

[B]

we know who it was written for. The Hebrews, you little theologians. They were recently converted Jews who just found out following Jesus is anything but easy. Whoever told you follow Jesus and everything is awesome because it'll all get better and easier. That's a sales pitch. They're lying to you. Following Jesus is amazing. It's rich, but not because it's easy. It's one of the most. It might be the most challenging thing we, we ever do.

[A]

It.

[B]

It will cost you at some point, everything.

[A]

And so maybe you're experiencing that right now. Like maybe you can relate. You got baptized last month and now life just got harder, more resistance. You're trying to fight for purity in your relationship, which you've never done before, but you're like, I'm a new creation. I guess I'm. And I'm gonna try to live like it's true, but man, this is really hard. Or you're at work trying to be a light, but where you work is a really, really dark place. And you're realizing, man, following Jesus ain't for the faint of heart. This is actually really challenging. That's why the writer of Hebrews is saying, keep running, don't quit. Fix your focus on Jesus and let us consider how we next to each other. Running with each other might spur one another on towards love and good deeds. I'll say it this way. Having poker buddies is easy. Or friends to watch the game with. That's great. That's easy. But I'm talking about having real friends who care about your race that God has given you. They care enough about your faith not to let you settle, not to let you take the bus home. And sometimes they will be that spur that you need to run your race well.

[B]

That takes thick skin. That takes a soft heart. That takes a different sort of mindset when it comes to friends. Do I really want ride or die? Like we say we want six pack abs. Do you really want the meal Prep and the 6am workouts that come with it? We say we want financial freedom. Absolutely. Okay. Do you really want the strict budget and the delayed gratification that comes with it. Everybody wants Ride or Die Friends until you need to start doing ride or die stuff. It's like everybody wants accountability until somebody holds them accountable. Then all of a sudden, it's like church, hurt and baggage. It's, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

No accountability. This is God's design, something we all need because we're all running this race that he has marked out for us to run. And we know how common of a story it is to quit or to

[B]

settle or just start walking and stop moving. And do you really want Ride or Die Friends? Like, they're way less convenient than followers. Having followers is in comparison to having friends. Having followers costs you nothing. Having friends costs you something. Ryan and Ethan pushed me to run my race. I've given those two guys permission to call me out to check my blind spots. I confess stuff to them. Once a week, the three of us do a check in where we answer two questions. This week, how did you feed your spirit? And how did you feed your flesh? And I know all week I'm like, I gotta tell them. And thank God that I do because they'll meet me with grace before anything else. But then they'll also meet me with spurs because they're good brothers and they want more from me and they're not going to let me settle. Are you spurable? Can you be challenged without getting offended? Like, maybe God made you emotional. That doesn't mean he made you fragile. Can you be that type of friend? Can you take personally somebody else's destiny and not let them quit? Iron sharpens iron.

[A]

We all know that verse that doesn't always feel good, but if sparks never

[B]

fly, nobody's ever getting better. However, if you give yourself to it, your spurable skin will tell good stories that you got to live with really great people as you made each other better and run your races together. You have to run your race for yourself. You can't do it by yourself. I feel like the cultural moment we're living in is people are. People are realizing, I can go faster alone. And one or two decades from now we will realize, oh, but man, we could have gone farther together. I just would rather realize that now. But that takes sacrifice. That takes a willingness to be dependent on other people around you. That takes spurable skin, the willingness to,

[A]

like, be called out and tell each other the truth. Or we could, you know, just make this followers where we all just kind of pretend, you live your truth, I'll live mine, and I'll never push you or challenge you, or I'll just affirm everything that you do, and you do the same for me.

[B]

Right? And. Or we can. We can get real and we can fix our focus on Jesus, who called himself the truth. And we cannot let each other settle for anything less than him. We can go farther together. Ride or die. Do you really want it? Your soul does. Our flesh all the time does not,

[A]

but your soul does.

[B]

Deep down. But it's such a good question to look in the mirror and reflect on, like, okay, God, you made me for this.

[A]

But I want to know what I'm stepping into, what I'm getting into so that I don't step into it. And then wonder why I am getting

[B]

spurred and why this is why there's accountability and why this is costing me something.

[A]

It's because that's the design. This is friendship. This is relationships.

[B]

And God. God wants you to win when it comes to all of it. So that's the first question. The second question is this.

[A]

Are my friends really my priority? Like, really, though? And I'm gonna. I'm not getting your business here for a second. I'm getting in my own, too. Okay? Your priorities are not actually your priorities until you prioritize them. So are friends really your priorities? Like, I heard Simon Sinek say this also. He said, well, we'll cancel on work. We'll cancel on friends for work all the time. Well, this meeting's really important. Oh, sorry, I gotta take this call. When was the last time you canceled on work? Or a paycheck for a friend who was hurting? If marriage is not going well, we will get a marriage counselor. And we will. We will wrestle through all of this and process and try to work through it. But when a friendship isn't going well, like, do we have friendship counselors? Like, way more often than not, we'll just go find a new friend or a new group.

[B]

Your priorities aren't your priorities until they're your priorities. You might say, like, family's my priority, but if all you think about is work when you're with your kids,

[A]

or you might say, man, my priority is

[B]

a future marriage or a future family. But right now, you just continue to settle for bad relationships and weekend hookups. It's like, what really is your priority, though? Because you'll prioritize your priorities. There's a difference between appreciating something and prioritizing it.

[A]

I appreciate cardio. I don't prioritize it, but I really appreciate it. Like, in theory, my intentions are so good with cardio.

[B]

Such a good question to ask yourself, are my Friends. My Do I appreciate friendship or do I prioritize friendship? I was thinking about it this week. We'll move across the country for a new job and we'll move across the city for a bigger house. And that's great, but I feel like I can count on two hands the amount of stories I know of people moving to be closer to friends. Do you choose your friends? Hebrews 10:25. One more time. Do not give up meeting together. Everything in our cultural moment right now, there are currents trying to trying to

[A]

pull you apart from people.

[B]

Technology is one of them. Geography even now, is one of them, as we are way more spread out.

[A]

We used to grow up and you'd be in the same place as your

[B]

circle, your family and your friends.

[A]

Now it's the world takes us all over and I love it. I'm not saying that's bad. I'm saying be mindful and take this verse to heart. Do not give up meeting together, coming back together, facetiming your family.

[B]

If you're in a different city, keep

[A]

showing up to church, keep coming back to group, keep having the conversation. Don't give up meeting together. Because a lot of people are in the habit of doing just that. This verse gets more interesting to me the further we get into the future because of technology. Technology gets better. And we now have followers, but we

[B]

don't have forever friends.

[A]

And we have a lot of context, but not contacts, but not necessarily connection with each other. And I'm pastoring right now with so much empathy because just like you, I'm a rookie at 2026. It's my first time doing it. It's my first time being alive in a world where.

[B]

Catch this.

[A]

Where machines meet our relational needs better than people do. Look at Kinsley on the flight. Paw Patrol is a better parent than me in that moment. And I'm not being legalistic here, okay? I'm just trying to be wise. Legalism would say, never give your kid an iPad. Like, guys, praise the good Lord for iPads when you're on a flight with a little kid, okay? It is God's common grace. Praise the good Lord. I'm not trying to go Amish on you here, okay? I'm not judging. I'm just saying machines now meet all

[B]

of our relational needs. Or so we think social media has replaced friendship. Or so we think pornography replaced intimacy and sex. AI bots can be your friends or your therapists who affirm and agree with every point of view that you have. By the way, that feels good. Your friend won't do that. But if you pay a counselor enough or you get an AI version, it's

[A]

like, man, I am in the right with everything. And iPads can even replace parents. We're less and less together than we've ever been. I'm trying to just not be like,

[B]

bleak, doom and gloom. I just would rather us talk about what we all know is true. Okay? So in light of that, listen to these words of scripture as I read them again. Do not neglect being with each other, because a lot of people are in the habit of doing that. Machines, because they're not as messy as people. And we thought technology would fix loneliness. We thought social media would create more connection. We thought pornography would satisfy intimacy. We thought independence would make us stronger and autonomy would make us more empowered. And it hasn't. But God has had a better idea all along. Togetherness. Togetherness.

[A]

Real people are just more messy.

[B]

Including you and including me. But never, ever, ever give up on Christian community with other imperfect people. Real relationship, real friendship takes your grit. It's like you gotta go to group

[A]

and then you gotta go back to group when you're.

[B]

When it's inconvenient and you're tired, Then you gotta go again and actually pray for the prayer request, not just say you are right and be vulnerable and honest about what's going.

[A]

You gotta engage in that conflict.

[B]

Have that conversation you've been avoiding.

[A]

Keep coming back to church. Keep calling that family member. Keep texting that friend.

[B]

Don't give up on Christian community. Keep coming back. Because I'm telling you, statistically speaking, your circle of people, and this is so important, might just be the reason you're still following Jesus or not five years from right now. I've been pastoring now for 15 years. I've never believed that classic preacher quip more. Show me your friends, I'll show you your future. You show me your five closest friends or relationships, I will prophesy over you the next five years of your life. See, this is one of the very few areas in my life, if I could be authentic for a second, where

[A]

I can actually finally preach on something

[B]

I've done okay at.

[A]

And what I mean is usually it's, here's all the ways I've messed up,

[B]

here's what the Bible says that I didn't do and why I should have done it. Let's all do it that way. And if you preach from your weaknesses, people relate to them a lot more than your strengths. And you never run out of things to say, okay? That's the beauty of your weaknesses and leveraging that authenticity. But authenticity is not just your weaknesses. It is a fierce commitment to the total truth, which includes your strengths as well. So if I could be authentic fully,

[A]

this is that one area where I'm

[B]

like, I. I'm proud of a lot of the decisions I've made.

[A]

And my circle of friends love God

[B]

as much as me, as, if not more than me. I married one of them. They don't let me quit. They don't let me settle. And I'm nothing more than the sum total of God's grace and the people in my life. And

[A]

I.

[B]

We choose each other. I think about Ethan in college. We live with each other. He's my best friend who's not my brother. Like, Ryan's my actual brother. My best friend. I call my wife my best friend. Ethan, my best friend, but Ethan, that guy, man. We lived together in college, and then when we graduated, we moved to Laguna beach to be youth pastor interns. And we lived together on the beach and we crashed on a couch. And then we traveled the world for a year doing mission work and lived together for that whole year all around the world. Then got back to Denver after that year of traveling and moved into a house with each other in Wash park in Denver. And then right around the same time, a couple months apart, we both got married. And then we got apartments with our wives right down the road from each other.

[A]

And then we both bought our very first condos in the same condo complex. And then from there, we moved to Austin to start a church together. And it's always. It's like, so funny because I've been made fun of by people before and I get it because I, like, I'll

[B]

make fun of myself for it, right?

[A]

But you're, like, allowed to do that. You're allowed to choose your friends over

[B]

a career or a salary or.

[A]

I have found, man, you will never

[B]

regret choosing your people and purpose.

[A]

Let the paychecks will come, the positions will come. But, man, when you choose your people

[B]

and you choose purpose, that's what's gonna be at your funeral one day.

[A]

And I. I tell this story about once a year.

[B]

Cause it means so much to me. Our church is growing so fast that a lot of you haven't heard it. We weren't originally planning on moving to Austin to start this church. We were planning on moving to San Diego. I had this dream and this vision of raising little surfer babies with bleach blonde hair and playing basketball on the beach at sunset every single night. And Making heaven more crowded in San Diego. And I'm thinking about it too much right now, okay?

[A]

Because God rerouted us here.

[B]

And I felt like he was putting that on my heart. And when I. When I told Ethan and then Ryan, I felt like I was the dream crusher. I remember me and Ethan went out for a drink, and I told him, and I'll never forget cheersing. And he looked at me and said, I choose people over a place any day, man. And the very next day, I FaceTimed Ryan, who lived in Seal beach at the time. And when I FaceTimed him, he was on the pier.

[A]

And I said, hey, buddy, take a good look at that ocean, because there's

[B]

no ocean in Austin, just in case you're in this room and you've been living under a rock or you're in Denver and you failed 10th grade geography. But I said, I think God is rerouting us away from our SoCal promised land, and we're called to go plant a church in Austin, Texas. And I could tell even he was like, okay, I choose my circle over a city. I'll choose that over a salary. Me and those two guys, we have something special. I would choose them over this church. Like, I. We're not lucky. We're blessed. Friendship is not stumbled upon or discovered. It is built. It is scheduled, it is sacrificed for. It is prioritized. It's choosing your people over everything else other than Jesus. Do you do that? I'll just leave that question there and we'll finish with this one. Number three. Am I the kind of friend I'm looking for?

[A]

Because the best piece of advice I've ever heard when it comes to I'm single, wanting to be married, and I'm dating and what.

[B]

So what's the best piece of advice?

[A]

It's this. Become the person the person you're looking

[B]

for is looking for.

[A]

You will probably find that person you're looking for when you start becoming the person that person is looking for. I think you could carry that into marriage. The best marriage advice I could give. Continue becoming the kind of spouse and best friend that your spouse would want to grow old with. We're all becoming. Are you becoming a better version of you as far as your ability to friend, how to friend, and then I think about, like, the. The pool of friendship as well. Are you becoming the kind of friend

[B]

that a future friend would be lucky to do life with? Look at Hebrews 10:25. Encourage one another. And all the more as you see the day approaching, everybody wants an Encouraging friend, right?

[A]

So what does it look like to

[B]

be that kind of friend? Because you know what encouragement is? I think it's relational generosity. It's relational bigness.

[A]

Like, we always talk about generosity, about money.

[B]

Certainly true. But what about relationships? Encouraging is being relationally generous, which would make stuff like gossip, relational stinginess. Something like forgiveness is relational generosity.

[A]

Something like pride and betrayal.

[B]

That's relational stinginess.

[A]

And in light of that, let's read

[B]

Proverbs 11, 24, 25 that says this.

[A]

The world of the generous gets larger and larger. The world of the stingy, smaller and smaller. The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed. Those who help others are helped. The one who encourages others finds themselves more encouraged. Like their world gets larger and larger. I remember, like, 12, 15 years ago hearing a message from Pastor Judah Smith where he talked about that verse as. And he was like, drawing a circle. And he says, it's kind of like the size of your soul. And I relate that to. I wonder if that is synonymous or even if it correlates to, like, the size of your circle, how rich you are in relationships. So let's say this is your relationship

[B]

circle or the size of your soul.

[A]

Now, if somebody wrongs you or hurts

[B]

you or doesn't laugh at your joke or doesn't text you back, or let's

[A]

just get really real. They. They plan a party, don't invite you.

[B]

You see it on Instagram.

[A]

You know, it's like, well, good news for you.

[B]

You can just draw a slightly smaller circle, excluding them, unfollow. Which on social media, not that big a deal. But in real life, when you do life with fewer people than followers, like, that's big. Unfollow.

[A]

And relational stinginess is.

[B]

Is normal and natural, by the way.

[A]

It's like a survival instinct. Like a turtle going back into its shell. Like, you hurt me. You won't hurt me anymore. So you draw that. That. That smaller circle. See, that's what made Jesus so counterintuitive, because Jesus was generous with his circle drawing. Like, you hurt Jesus, or you. You betrayed Jesus, or you lied to Jesus, or let's. Let's take it to the. To the farthest degree. You crucify Jesus. Well, then Jesus would respond by drawing an even bigger circle to include you. In fact, he hung on that cross and drew a circle around the whole Earth, the whole world that he so loved. That doesn't make sense in our day and age. That's what makes Jesus stand out so beautifully, because it's not normal relational stinginess. Is normal.

[B]

But if you are not careful, the fate that has belonged to so many could be yours too. And you will spend your life drawing smaller circles, smaller circles, smaller circles. Until one day you find yourself really small on the inside and quite possibly the only one left in your circle. Become relationally generous. The lives of the generous get bigger and bigger. The lives of those who encourage, those who forgive. Like we are relational beings created. Created in the image of a relational God. And what I think when it comes to when God's plans for you, I

[A]

think he wants you to be rich and famous.

[B]

Don't just do that one little sound bite on me, okay? I think God's plan for you is to be rich in relationships by being famous to your friends, famous to your family, famous to a few Hebrews tells us the way to be rich in relationships. And that is the ultimate wealth. Listen to me, it's not by what you take. Because we always think, man, if it's about getting. Getting rich, I gotta get more of it, which means I need to take, right?

[A]

And so we, like, if you don't understand it, how it works, because it's paradoxical in God's kingdom. Actually, in God's kingdom, how you get more of a good thing is by giving away the good thing that you have. Because if God can get it through you, he'll get more to you. He is the infinite bank account, the infinite source of all the belonging and all the you being known all the time, agape, unconditional love that you could ever need. And he knows, man, if you receive this love from me, then you can turn around and you have love to give to others. You have love for a relationship, for a. For a marriage, for your kids. So if you just go from like group to group or circle to circle, relationship to relationship, church to church, and you have the mindset of, I need encouragement. So I'm going to try to get it. I mean, guys, it's like withdrawing what bank robbers do, they withdraw from every bank and then they have to move on to the next and make another withdrawal and another. And how often do we do that socially? Showing up to a new lobby, going, give me all your encouragement, give me all your affirmation. And it's a place of desperation and hurt. But it's never gonna work because the way you get more of it is by being what you want to see, is by giving what you want to receive. Like, you need encouragement today, go encourage somebody else today and watch how God makes sure that you feel encouraged by

[B]

the end of Today, maybe you walked

[A]

into one of our locations.

[B]

Like, man, I just need to be seen. Somebody see me. I am praying for you, and I pray that happens today in Jesus name. But I'm trying to help you make somebody else feel seen today. And watch how God lets you know that he sees you, that you're famous enough, because the maker of the universe knows your name and he has everything. So your word, whether it's showing up to a group group or to church, you walk into a lobby, it's intimidating. Or you're on a. Another first date and. Or in showing up to group, whatever it is, like, let's simplify it. Your word is deposit. I'm gonna show up full because I've received it from him and now I have something to give because there will be seasons.

[A]

You need to make withdrawals.

[B]

You're hurting. It's. You're in the hospital. It's. You just went through that. That breakup or that divorce or that diagnosis. It's like, I need to make withdrawals. Of course. That's the design. Okay, so make your norm. I'm gonna deposit some friends in this room who just like, no matter the season you're walking through, it's like, you're always encouraged.

[A]

It's almost annoying.

[B]

It's like, how are you always encouraged? How are you.

[A]

You always refreshed?

[B]

How are you always.

[A]

Oh,

[B]

you're refreshed because you refresh. You're encouraged because you encourage the lives of the generous get bigger. You're forgiven because you forgive and you feel that forgiveness because what Jesus did on the cross as he drew a circle around the age, entire broken, imperfect, messy, sinful world that nailed him to that thing. His response was to say, father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing. I mean, spurable skin thick enough to voluntarily walk into an undeserved crucifixion. And then a heart soft enough to pray for the very people crucifying him. You get to the end of your

[A]

life with thick skin instead of thin

[B]

and a soft heart instead of hard. That only happened on purpose. It only will happen because you got it from him first. Receive it from him. Let his story become yours. The God who stopped at nothing so that he could be with us. Never, ever, ever give up on Christian community and relationship and friendship. Get it from Him. So we show up to every context, and it's like, I got something to. To give. I'm about to make you feel seen. I'm about to make your day. The most famous person in our church will simply be the one who encourages the most. Because that person, it's not about what they make us believe about them, it's what they make us feel about ourselves. Because their soul, their spirit is relationally generous and so become the kind of friend your future friend would be so lucky to get to have one day. We do that individually. We change the world via friendship corporately and so bow your head and close your eyes with me God as we worship you and praise you. I pray that you would draw near to us. I pray that as we bless you with just an outpouring of praise that you would backfill it. I pray for encouragement and a time of refreshment right now that you would fill our cups so we could go pour them out. Thank you for being relational and making us in your relational image. Thank you that we need each other. So help us to be good friends in Jesus name.

[A]

Amen.