Introducing: Midnight Burger

Summary

Red Valley Podcast Episode Title: Introducing: Midnight Burger
Release Date: November 10, 2024
Host/Author: Kontinue Productions

---

Episode Overview

In the "Introducing: Midnight Burger" episode of Red Valley, Kontinue Productions delves into a captivating mystery drama that explores the boundaries of experimental science, personal introspection, and whimsical pop culture references. This episode introduces listeners to the enigmatic diner known as Midnight Burger, a hub where time travel and dimensional adventures unfold.

---

Main Plot Summary

The episode opens with Gloria arriving at Midnight Burger for a job interview, unaware of the diner’s extraordinary nature. As she interacts with Casper and Ava, the true essence of Midnight Burger begins to unravel, revealing it as a nexus of interdimensional travel constantly under threat from cosmic anomalies.

Arrival and Introduction

• Gloria's Entrance ([03:15])

  Gloria arrives confused for a job interview, prompting Casper to acknowledge her presence at Midnight Burger:

  Gloria: "This place is interesting. What's the radio show? It's wild." ([06:22])

• Understanding Midnight Burger ([07:05] - [09:23])

  Casper explains the diner’s peculiarities, hinting at its transient nature across different timelines and dimensions:

  Ava: "Is she, like, a homeless person? A little nutty." ([07:10])

The Trans Dimensional Haboob

A sudden cosmic event, referred to as a trans dimensional haboob, threatens Midnight Burger, leading to chaos and confusion among the characters.

• Initial Threat ([10:51] - [11:11])

  Gloria and Ava notice an impending sandstorm-like phenomenon approaching:

  Gloria: "What is that? Is that a sandstorm?" ([10:58])

• Casper's Warning ([11:13])

  Casper urges Gloria to leave before it’s too late:

  Casper: "Just remember that I told you to leave." ([11:13])

Revelation of the Pocket Dimension

The diner is revealed to exist within a pocket dimension, a safe haven from the chaotic universe but simultaneously a hotspot for interdimensional threats.

• Leaf's Introduction ([14:10] - [16:38])

  Leaf, the mysterious cook, explains the precarious balance they maintain to escape cosmic dangers:

  Leaf: "It's like a large dust storm, but instead of dust, it's antimatter. And instead of being a few miles long, it's the size of a nebula." ([16:20])

Time Slip and Historical Interlude

To evade the haboob, Leaf initiates a time slip, transporting the diner back to various historical periods, including the Devonian era.

• Journey to the Devonian Era ([34:07] - [35:57])

  Ava orchestrates a stop at 415 million B.C., showcasing the diner amidst prehistoric landscapes:

  Gloria: "It's dark." ([34:59])
  Ava: "That's why we're here. Those aren't trees. Those are 20 foot tall mushrooms." ([35:05])

Interaction with the Muckle Waynes

During their temporal excursions, the crew encounters Zebulon and Effie Muckle Wayne, radio hosts who provide philosophical insights on existence and time.

• Philosophical Dialogues ([30:26] - [32:53])

  The Muckle Waynes discuss the nature of change and existence, guiding Gloria through her bewildering experience:

  Effie Muckle Wayne: "The Pima believed in the power of names, and that to speak the name of your ancestors is to conjure them from the spirit world." ([31:58])

Return to Present and Resolution

Through a combination of scientific ingenuity and interdimensional cooperation, the characters manage to reverse the time slip, restoring Midnight Burger to its original state and averting the cosmic threat.

• Stabilizing the Timeline ([37:15] - [38:07])

  Leaf and Casper successfully navigate back to Arizona, ensuring Gloria’s vehicle remains intact:

  Casper: "We're going backwards in the timeline. We may be here a while, Leif. It looks like it worked." ([20:58])

---

Key Themes and Insights

1. Limits of Experimental Science:

   The episode examines the perils and possibilities of pushing scientific boundaries, as seen through Ava's advanced knowledge and the diner’s reliance on theoretical physics to maintain stability.

2. Confronting the Past, Present & Future:

   Gloria’s journey symbolizes personal introspection, mirroring the diner’s temporal voyages and the characters’ struggles with their own histories and destinies.

3. Pop Culture References:

   Humorous nods, such as Gloria’s reference to Sonic 2 and Ava’s playful demeanor, add a relatable layer to the otherwise complex narrative.

4. Community and Found Family:

   Despite the chaotic surroundings, the characters form a tight-knit community, emphasizing the importance of relationships amidst adversity.

---

Notable Quotes

• Casper on the Diner’s Purpose ([27:27]):

  "This place is like a virus, constantly under attack by antibodies."

• Ava on Theoretical Physics ([25:54]):

  "When you're a scientist and you spend your time zooming out on the universe, you discover that the universe is inherently a huge bummer because everything is dying constantly."

• Gloria’s Realization ([37:16]):

  "One hell of a job interview."

• Effie Muckle Wayne on Existence ([32:25]):

  "During your time with us, do embrace that feeling."

---

Conclusion

"Introducing: Midnight Burger" serves as a compelling introduction to a universe where science fiction and personal drama intertwine seamlessly. By navigating through time, dimensions, and existential dilemmas, the episode not only entertains but also invites listeners to ponder the intricacies of existence and the bonds that hold us together. For fans of mystery dramas and innovative storytelling, this episode of Red Valley promises an unforgettable auditory journey.

---

Keywords: Red Valley, Midnight Burger, mystery drama, experimental science, time travel, dimensional adventures, found family, podcast summary

Transcript

[Casper]

The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while, or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca Cola. Copyright 2024 the Coca Cola Company.

[Ava]

This episode is brought to you by Dutch Bros. Big smiles, rocking tunes and epic drinks Dutch Bros. Is all about. You choose from a variety of custom, customizable handcrafted beverages like our Rebel energy drinks, coffees, teas and more. Download the Dutch Bros app for a free medium Drink plus find your nearest shop, order ahead and start earning rewards offer valid for new app users only. Free Medium Drink Reward upon registration. 14 day expiration terms apply. See Dutchbros.com hi, this is John.

[John]

I'm the writer of Red Valley. Before we launch our new season, we've got one more recommendation for a show we think you're gonna love. It is the wonderful Midnight Burger. To pitch it to you in a line, Midnight Burger is an audio drama about the adventures of a time traveling, dimension spanning diner. There's a wonderful cast of characters including a sentient old timey radio. Every episode is a wildly inventive new comedic sci fi predicament with an overarching main plot running through each season. I'll be honest, Midnight Burger is currently the only show that I'm there for day and date. No matter what, the writing, the direction, the performances, the execution, everything is just absolute top tier production from a team that just knows exactly what it's doing and it is a pleasure to listen to. The episodes are luxuriously long, it's quite different from the way we make episodes of Red Valley. For instance, I often like to get in and get out, but Midnight Burger is different. Amongst all the madness and dimension hopping and universes smashing into each other and beings of incredible power causing all kinds of havoc, at its core the show is always just a really good hang. It's set in a diner for a reason and community and found family are at the heart of everything in the show. I love listening to it in my car where I'm sat right now on a long drive. I love listening to it on a long walk with my dog. It's just really soothing. I'm clearly not alone in my love for this show. They've hit 8 million downloads, been nominated for an Ambie Award this year. Also happened to be on the BBC's podcast Radio Hour on the same episode that we were featured, where the sublime Ella Watts described the show as A beautiful and kind and. I couldn't agree more. Right you ho. That's all there is for me. I really want you to enjoy this episode. So, without further ado, here's an episode of Midnight Burger. If you like it, there's plenty more where that came from. And hopefully see you again soon for season four of Red Valley.

[Casper]

Thanks. Bye.

[Gloria]

Um, hello? Hello?

[Casper]

Hello?

[Gloria]

Hi. I'm here for the job interview.

[Casper]

The what?

[Gloria]

Job interview. There was an ad, said all applicants be here at 6. I was assuming 6pm was it am cause that would be weird.

[Casper]

An ad?

[Gloria]

Yes. Am I. This is Midnight Burger, right?

[Casper]

Yes.

[Gloria]

Okay, you're kind of freaking me out right now.

[Casper]

Why don't you have a seat at the booth? I'll be right with you.

[Gloria]

Sure.

[Casper]

What the fuck?

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

I'm Zebulon Muckle Wayne, here with my wife, Effie, doing our best to bring the holy to the holler.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Hi, y'all.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

Effie, what was it you were saying to me this morning over coffee?

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Well, darling, as it was with my mother and her mother, I can always sense when a change is coming.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

That is right.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

And as one might sense a storm coming up in their bad, one feels a pressure growing. All creation waits, but do not be afeared. Oh, no, no, no, no. Look to the psalms, y'all. For God is my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

Where does this season of change find you all? Perhaps at a beauty salon, considering the expression of a new life through your follicles. Perhaps at the clouded graveside of a loved one. Perhaps it finds you lamenting the loss of your taqueria at a lonely diner outside of Phoenix.

[Gloria]

What?

[Ava]

Hi. Hi, there. Sorry to bother you. I'm Ava. That's my booth over there.

[Gloria]

Oh, okay. You're a regular here?

[Ava]

Sure. Listen, I have an important question.

[Gloria]

Okay.

[Ava]

Do you have a cigarette?

[Gloria]

Oh, yeah. Do you want a bum one?

[Ava]

Seriously? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm going to start crying.

[Gloria]

Hang on. Are you having a hard time quitting?

[Ava]

I am having a hard time starting.

[Gloria]

I don't know.

[Ava]

Yes. Yes, please. Can I bum a cigarette?

[Gloria]

Yeah, yeah. Here, take my lighter.

[Ava]

Thank you. Oh, my God.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

Wherever this time of change may find you, here is the Chuck Wagon Gang to remind you that heaven will always be your home.

[Casper]

Okay. Hi.

[Gloria]

This place is interesting. What's the radio show? It's wild.

[Casper]

That's the Muckle Wayne's Hour of Power, Sending out the gospel to the greater Toadstone.

[Gloria]

Where is Toad Suck?

[Casper]

Arkansas.

[Gloria]

Why is it playing Here?

[Ava]

Hmm.

[Gloria]

Why is it on the radio? In Arizona?

[Casper]

Right, Right. Because Arizona is where we are right now.

[Gloria]

Right now.

[Casper]

Anyway, this is Midnight Burger. I'm Casper. Oh, yes, that's Ava. She's always here.

[Ava]

Nicotine. Get in.

[Casper]

Me. And this is a diner.

[Gloria]

Are you sure?

[Ava]

Hey, we're in Arizona right now.

[Casper]

Yeah.

[Gloria]

Is she, like, a homeless person? A little nutty.

[Casper]

She's actually a physicist with multiple doctorates.

[Gloria]

Sure.

[Casper]

So you saw an ad telling you to come here at 6?

[Gloria]

Well, it said all applicants, but it looks like it's just me. Can I ask, did you make the ad? Because it seems to me that no one else works here. But you seem surprised that I showed up. Do you own this place?

[Casper]

Um.

[Gloria]

Okay, look, I don't have time for this. You obviously had no idea I was coming. And you seem to have no idea what you're doing. I'm broke and miserable. And for you to add your irresponsibly unprepared interview to that is the slap in the face. I don't have time.

[Casper]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. You're right. I didn't know you were coming. Management never tells me these things. How about you tell me about yourself?

[Gloria]

Okay. My name's Gloria. I've been in the food service my whole life. I had a taqueria for a while, but the pandemic shut it down. I don't have the money to start it back up again. So now. Now I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I saw the ad, and for some reason, a diner out in the middle of nowhere sounded like a good idea.

[Casper]

There any family in the picture or.

[Gloria]

No. Mom and dad passed away. I was an only child, so it's just me.

[Casper]

That's great. I mean, that's. I'm sorry about that. That's my condolences. Can you tell me about the ad?

[Gloria]

Management doesn't really tell you anything, do they?

[Casper]

They don't.

[Gloria]

It's weird that you say management.

[Casper]

Is it?

[Gloria]

Well, it's one diner outside of Phoenix. It's not a red Robin.

[Casper]

That is weird. I should stop doing that.

[Gloria]

Anyway, it was an ad in Craigslist. Not a lot of restaurants are hiring right now, so it stood out.

[Casper]

Weird. That's never happened before.

[Gloria]

Well, how did you end up working here?

[Casper]

I don't know. Just sort of walked in looking for a place to be. But that was a long time ago.

[Gloria]

Have you ever done a job interview before?

[Casper]

No. How's it going?

[Gloria]

Poorly.

[Casper]

What usually happens now now is when.

[Gloria]

You pretend you're a people focused organization by telling me about yourself.

[Casper]

Sure, sure, sure. I'm Casper, and I pretty much do everything around here since our cook unexpectedly left a while back. We have one regular customer whom you've already met, and the clientele here can be challenging.

[Gloria]

Well, listen, I know the ad was for a waitress, but if your cook left, I've got tons of time in the kitchen.

[Casper]

That's great. Do you have any experience with dark matter?

[Gloria]

You mean like mole sauce?

[Casper]

Gloria, listen. You seem like a very nice person and I'm sure you'll do well in life, but I think you should probably leave.

[Gloria]

Oh, I should?

[Casper]

It's for the best.

[Gloria]

You've gotta be kidding me.

[Casper]

I'm not. You should really go.

[Gloria]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[Casper]

Well, that's a whole other conversation.

[Gloria]

Let me explain something to you. This place is an embarrassment to all restaurants and you have no customers. I don't want this job, but I'm not leaving until you offer me this job so that I can turn it down.

[Casper]

You really need to leave before it's too late.

[Ava]

We've got a problem.

[Casper]

Shit.

[Ava]

Look on the horizon.

[Casper]

God damn it.

[Gloria]

What is that? Is that a sandstorm?

[Ava]

Nope.

[Gloria]

It looks like a sandstorm.

[Ava]

It doesn't matter what it looks like.

[Gloria]

What does that mean?

[Casper]

It's coming towards us.

[Ava]

Well, what do you think?

[Gloria]

Am I going to get stuck here?

[Casper]

Gloria?

[Gloria]

Yes?

[Casper]

Just remember that I told you to leave.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

In times of change, we often weep for the life we were promised. A life we promised ourselves. A life we imagined. All those visions of our future can be swept away in the deluges and tempests of creation. And though they may be swept away, still we cling to them. We can gaze so deeply into the visions of a promised life. And often the life we've been given slips past us and out of our grasp as well. Do not gaze too deeply into lives unlived, my brothers and sisters. Do not fall in love with apparitions.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

And for those of you out there still missing that life you feel you're owed, here's the Norfolk Jubilee Quartet to ease your aching ghosts.

[Casper]

Here it comes. It'll be fine.

[Gloria]

How often does this happen?

[Casper]

It'll pass.

[Gloria]

Is my car gonna be okay?

[Ava]

It's probably not there anymore. What?

[Casper]

This doesn't feel right.

[Ava]

I was just about to say that.

[Gloria]

Of course it doesn't feel right.

[Casper]

Okay, we're okay.

[Ava]

I'm going out there.

[Gloria]

My car is gone.

[Ava]

No, it's probably right where you left it. It's probably us that's gone.

[Gloria]

What does she mean, it's us that's gone?

[Casper]

Ava, don't go out there.

[Ava]

Relax. It's weird out here. It's not dusty, but I can't see past the parking lot.

[Gloria]

The parking lot my car is supposed to be in. What's going on right now?

[Ava]

I think I know what this is. Hey, Casper, go to the back door.

[Casper]

What am I doing?

[Ava]

Just go.

[Casper]

Okay.

[Gloria]

Do you see my car out there?

[Ava]

Your name's Gloria.

[Gloria]

Yes.

[Ava]

Gloria. I'm gonna throw a rock away from this diner and it is going to magically hit Casper. Defying all laws of physics when that happens, Tell me how concerned you are about your car.

[Casper]

Wait, you're gonna do what?

[Leaf]

Ow.

[Ava]

Ha ha.

[Casper]

You hit me in the eye.

[Ava]

Pocket dimension.

[Gloria]

What is this place?

[Casper]

How did that curve all the way around to the back?

[Ava]

It didn't. We're just in a universe that's only about 6,500ft across.

[Casper]

Casper. Is that Leaf?

[Gloria]

Who's Leaf?

[Casper]

He's our cook, Leaf. Oh, thank God.

[Leaf]

Hey, guys.

[Ava]

Leif, what the fuck?

[Casper]

What's going on?

[Leaf]

Listen, we don't have a lot of time.

[Ava]

Motherfucker.

[Gloria]

Everybody stop. God damn it.

[Leaf]

Who's this?

[Casper]

This is the new waitress.

[Gloria]

I absolutely am not the new waitress. Will someone explain to me what the fuck is happening?

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Pardon me, Gloria. Might my husband and I have a word?

[Gloria]

The radio is talking to me.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Gloria, you have entered into a period of wandering, of searching, remaining and needing shelter. And in that search you have found yourself in a place eternal.

[Gloria]

Oh my God, have I died?

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Not at all, my dear. Though that question does imply a finality that has no purchase within our various vernaculars.

[Gloria]

The radio is talking to me and I don't know what it's saying.

[Casper]

Okay, Gloria, we'll stick a pen in this for now.

[Leaf]

I've got a problem.

[Casper]

Leaf, where have you been?

[Leaf]

No time for that.

[Ava]

Hang on. Are we in a pocket dimension right now?

[Leaf]

Yes.

[Ava]

Nailed it.

[Casper]

God damn it, Leaf. Why are we in a pocket dimension?

[Leaf]

Because it owes me a favor. I'm hiding.

[Casper]

Hiding from what?

[Leaf]

Look, I'm sure it'll be fun.

[Casper]

Hiding from what, Leaf?

[Leaf]

A trans dimensional haboob, dude.

[Casper]

Holy shit.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Gloria. How you doing, darling?

[Gloria]

Well, how do you think I'm doing, talking radio person?

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

They say you can't explain fire to a fish, but I imagine if they could, that fish would feel about like how you're feeling right now.

[Leaf]

Wanna be clear? This is not my fault. I was in a card game in Andromeda, which we all know is a shithole. How could I have expected that the big loser at the table that night was the son of the.

[Gloria]

What's a trans dimensional haboob?

[Leaf]

It's hard to explain.

[Ava]

It's like a large dust storm, but instead of dust, it's antimatter. And instead of being a few miles long, it's the size of a nebula. And instead of being a weather occurrence, it's a sentient super being.

[Gloria]

Sure.

[Casper]

And Leaf has let it. Right here where it's going to kill us all.

[Leaf]

Which I will apologize for many times over, I'm sure. Look, if there's any place I'm going to be able to shake this thing, it's here.

[Casper]

How?

[Leaf]

I don't know. I've been hiding in this pocket dimension. But it's going to move on any minute. And when it does, this trans dimensional super being is going to rush right at us.

[Casper]

What are we supposed to do when it rushes us?

[Gloria]

Jump out of the way. Sorry, I've decided I'm having a psychotic break, so everything's funny now.

[Leaf]

Wait, actually, she's right.

[Gloria]

Oh good, that makes it funnier.

[Ava]

You want to jump out of the way?

[Leaf]

Time slip. If we slide backwards through a particular timeline, that could throw it off the scent. Where were you before I showed up?

[Casper]

Normalcy, Arizona.

[Leaf]

That'll work. Is my recipe book still in the kitchen?

[Gloria]

Wait, what? He's going to cook something to make us go back. And time. Come on. Jean Claude Van Damme is time cook.

[Leaf]

I like her. I'll be in the kitchen.

[Ava]

Are you having a good time over there while we're all about to die? Gloria?

[Gloria]

Don't know. I mean, I opened up my fridge this morning and all I had was tapatio and a carrot. So at least this is less depressing.

[Casper]

Okay, let's do this. Gloria, how about you have a seat at the booth there and we'll explain everything to you. As long as we are still alive in a few minutes.

[Gloria]

Booth?

[Ava]

Okay, we're losing the pocket dimension. There it is.

[Casper]

Jesus, that's huge. What am I looking at, Zebulon? Hit Gloria with some narration, would you?

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

And lo, Gloria looked upon a sight nary a member of her race had ever seen. Suddenly she sat in a booth in a diner, floating in the tumultuous starways. Her limited knowledge of existence as her only guide.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

The vastness of this new heavenly plane broken only by a distant malevolent. A dark spirit who now eyed her countenance with hunger. It was the size of any sky she'd seen. Tenfold. And it now moved upon them like a stalking beast.

[Casper]

Uh, leaf. It's coming. Almost there. It looks very angry.

[Ava]

And it's moving very fast.

[Casper]

Almost there.

[Ava]

If he kills us, I am going to kill him.

[Gloria]

Oh, my God.

[Ava]

Everybody, head on for something.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Now. The earth was formless and empty. Darkness was over the surface of the deep. And the spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

[Casper]

Everybody okay?

[Leaf]

Good back here?

[Ava]

I'm fine, Gloria.

[Casper]

I don't take that as a yes leaf. Did it work?

[Leaf]

I don't know.

[Casper]

Look outside. Okay. Well, we're back in Arizona.

[Gloria]

Hey, that's my car. That's me getting into my car backwards. That's me driving away backwards.

[Casper]

We're going backwards in the timeline. We may be here a while, Leif. It looks like it worked.

[Leaf]

Okay, I'm going to pick up speed. Things are going to go by fast.

[Casper]

Pretty fast, Gloria. Try and keep it together, okay? Just keep your eyes outside. Watch the highway in the distance. You see how it disappears? Now the road that you drove here on becomes a dirt road. Then no road at all. Keep your eye on the view outside. I'll be right back.

[Leaf]

I think that went very well.

[Ava]

I'm not going to thank you for solving a problem that you created.

[Leaf]

Hey.

[Casper]

Okay, guys, huddle up. We need to explain to Gloria what's going on.

[Leaf]

She seems fine.

[Casper]

She's looking out a window and watching Arizona go backwards in time. She's not fine. We need to explain things to her. And by we, I mean Ava.

[Ava]

Oh, I'm explaining it fine.

[Casper]

Hey, Zebulon, could we get some, you know, explaining what the hell is going on? Music.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

That's a wonderful idea, Casper. Here's the Hayden Quartet with Will There Be Any Stars in My Crown?

[Ava]

What?

[Gloria]

Are those?

[Ava]

My notes.

[Gloria]

On what?

[Ava]

This place. Before we start, I'm going to need another one of your cigarettes.

[Gloria]

Oh, okay.

[Ava]

Oh, would that the second one was just as good as the first. Am I right?

[Gloria]

Please start talking.

[Ava]

So when I was young, my mother always dreamed of me being a nightclub singer. But all I ever dreamed of was going to college. So she disowned me. And off I went to college. And then I went back to college again and again and again. I had a real knack for it. I got this big stack of doctorates. And like most people with a big stack of doctorates, I spent a lot of time in front of a great big chalkboard. I had a great one. It slid back and forth. I miss that thing. I would write big, long equations. Publish. Write more big, long equations. Publish again, etc. When you're a scientist and you spend your time zooming out on the universe, you discover that the universe is inherently a huge bummer because everything is dying constantly. Matter and antimatter is breaking down, forming into something else and breaking down again. Look out the window. We are going backwards in time at an alarming rate. Do you see anything staying put? Even the rocks are changing shape over time. Myself and my colleagues all accepted that. We accepted that the universe was in a constant state of decay. We had become coroners, really, studying celestial death. But I had a problem. Because on my chalkboard, and my chalkboard alone, all those equations I was writing were slowly pointing towards something. There was a point somewhere deep in existence that wasn't dying. It was a constant. And the universe doesn't do constants. The universe does death. So this one strange spot in endless space and time was an anomaly. I tried to tell people about my theory, but everybody said I was crazy. Which as a scientist is when you know you're awesome. So what's a girl to do, be called crazy her whole life? No. I decided that I would leave my lovely chalkboard behind and go out and find this thing. I would go to the singular point in all of existence that somehow wasn't dying. Turns out it's a diner. Thanks for the cigarette.

[Gloria]

Whoa, hang on. Why is it a diner?

[Ava]

Oh, I have no idea.

[Casper]

Ava, tell her the rest.

[Ava]

What? Everything after that is theoretical. Oh, by the way, that's my booth over there. No one touches my booth.

[Casper]

Okay, that was zero percent helpful, Ava, thank you.

[Gloria]

No, no, that helped.

[Ava]

Suck it.

[Gloria]

Tell me the rest.

[Casper]

Well, I mean, Ava's right. It is all theoretical after that.

[Ava]

Suck it again.

[Casper]

Oh, the old saying is that the only constant is change. This place appears to be the exception to that rule.

[Gloria]

And it's outside of Phoenix?

[Casper]

No, there's no fixed spot. Every night at 6pm when I unlock those doors, we're somewhere else. Sometimes a different time, sometimes a different timeline, sometimes a different universe, a different dimension. And sometimes an hour and a half outside of Phoenix.

[Gloria]

So you just float through the universe and what, serve burgers to people?

[Casper]

Well, it's a little more complicated than that. In an ever changing cosmos, this place is a constant. And I think the cosmos kind of hates that. So the cosmos quite often tries to kill us. As you just saw with the trans dimensional haboob.

[Gloria]

Oh good.

[Casper]

Today it was a giant malevolent super being chasing leaf across the galaxy. Tomorrow it'll be who knows what. What was it last week?

[Ava]

Four dimensional Ice Harpies.

[Casper]

Right. Four dimensional Ice Harpies. It could be anything. This place is like a virus, constantly under attack by antibodies.

[Gloria]

Okay, but let me try and approach this in a way I can understand. It's a restaurant. I used to run a restaurant. And the three things you have to ask yourself when you're opening a restaurant is why this place? Why here? Why now?

[Casper]

Well, today it was because of you. That's the theoretical part. The part that Ava doesn't want to talk about. What I'm convinced of is that no matter where this place sets down from day to day, when I open the doors to. To start the day's business, someone is going to need us. Because how could they not? Like Ava said, it's all death out there all the time. Everything's breaking down. And sometimes people need a place, even if it's for an hour or just a few minutes. They need a place to feel like they're not dying. Because it's all just too terrifying.

[Leaf]

Hey, guys. Brought you some coffees. It's been a day.

[Gloria]

So, what's your deal, Leaf?

[Leaf]

Me? You know, I'm just one of those guys. I wander around a lot. Odd jobs, stuff like that. I usually end up back here, though.

[Gloria]

You wander around the universe, I mean.

[Leaf]

Universe is a little. Ridiculous? Seductive. You're kind of describing a sandbox in a playground in a densely populated city. When you say things like universe, are you human? Oh, yeah, sure. 10 fingers, 10 toes, facial hair, the whole deal.

[Gloria]

You just went into the kitchen and made us go backward in time. You're just some normal dude.

[Leaf]

Well, what a lot of cooks won't tell you is that it's really about the ingredients. They like to convince you they have some sort of magical powers, but it's really about getting out of the way of what you've got in your kitchen. Am I right?

[Gloria]

What did you have in your kitchen that made time travel happen?

[Leaf]

Tachyons. You guys need cream.

[Gloria]

I'm good.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

My dear, I am getting the distinct feeling that it's our turn.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

I'm feeling the same way, darling.

[Gloria]

Okay. So what's up with you guys inside the radio?

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Well, I'm Effie Mucklewain and this is my husband, Zebulon.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

And we're broadcasting to the greater toad, Sakaria, bringing the holy to the holler.

[Gloria]

Okay, but really, though, Effie, I'm getting.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

The distinct sense that our new friend Gloria would like to understand the inner workings of our presence in her life.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

It's understandable, dear, but as Job asked, can you Fathom the mysteries of God. Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

Leaf the matter. I ask you to put a pause in our rush through this river of time we are currently in. We would like to show something to our new friend.

[Leaf]

Yeah, sure. We can't stop for long, though. Hang on. Okay, we've stopped moving forward in the timeline at normal speed.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

Gloria, if you would, please direct your attention outside our windows. If I have listened to the Lord's whispers correctly, we have traveled far into the American past, and we are currently placed on a vast and open plain in an America before history began, when it was a land of magic and enchantment, a land of peace.

[Gloria]

There's a village. I can see people.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Those are the Pima people. They inhabited your home of Arizona for generations before the arrival of the Spanish. The Pima believed in the power of names, and that to speak the name of your ancestors is to conjure them from the spirit world.

[Gloria]

They can see us. They're waving.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Feel free and wave back. There's no fear in them, no pain in unknowing. They're witnessing a mystery, and all they need do is wave. During your time with us, do embrace that feeling.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

For how much of our lives are spent building spires to reach the unknown? How much time do we spend convincing ourselves that such constructs may one day be complete? And perhaps all that time we've spent demanding answers from the mysteries should have been spent waving at them, admiring them from afar, being thankful for their magnificent scope.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

We can keep going. We now leave. Thank you kindly.

[Leaf]

Powering up.

[Casper]

Okay, he's gonna take us pretty fast now. There goes the village. And then here comes the.

[Gloria]

Oh, wow.

[Casper]

I.

[Gloria]

This is amazing. Ava, you're a scientist. Are you in heaven right now? This is amazing, right?

[Ava]

Eh, history's boring.

[Gloria]

Why?

[Ava]

Because it already happened.

[Gloria]

Oh, come on.

[Ava]

I've seen some pretty amazing nonsense sitting at this booth. You know, time slippage is pretty kindergarten for me at this point.

[Gloria]

Can you humor me, please? I'm having a moment. Be amazed with me.

[Ava]

Give me another cigarette and I'll promise to get interested in something.

[Gloria]

You really like cigarettes?

[Ava]

This place is the most amazing place in existence. But nobody thought to put in a cigarette machine.

[Gloria]

Okay, fine. I'll make that deal.

[Ava]

Excellent. Hey, Leaf.

[Leaf]

Yeah?

[Ava]

We're going to make a stop at the Devonian era.

[Leaf]

We can't keep doing this.

[Ava]

Or I could remind you that you almost got us killed today.

[Leaf]

Fine. Coming up on it, I'm going to stop around 415 million B.C.

[Ava]

That'Ll do. Get Your purse. We're going outside.

[Gloria]

Isn't that bad? Isn't there something where we could change the present by messing with the past? No.

[Ava]

The butterfly effect is sexist.

[Gloria]

Oh, it's sexist.

[Ava]

Only a man could think himself so important that even his slightest action could influence the time stream.

[Leaf]

Okay, we're here.

[Ava]

Let's go. Welcome to the Devonian era.

[Gloria]

It's dark.

[Ava]

It was cloudy a lot.

[Gloria]

It's quiet.

[Ava]

The only animal life is in the ocean at this point.

[Gloria]

The trees are so weird.

[Ava]

That's why we're here. Those aren't trees. Those are 20 foot tall mushrooms.

[Gloria]

Whoa.

[Ava]

Trees could only grow about four feet at this point. But the prototaxites could just keep growing.

[Gloria]

So you like mushrooms?

[Ava]

The only thing even remotely as interesting as theoretical physics is the mushroom.

[Gloria]

Okay, I just want to put that tree in an omelet.

[Ava]

Now I see you've moved past the freakout stage.

[Gloria]

I'm having a cigarette in 415 million BC and I feel alright.

[Ava]

You should stay.

[Gloria]

Stay?

[Ava]

Sure. You're looking for a job, right?

[Gloria]

Oh, why would I do that?

[Ava]

Because you're having a cigarette in 415 million BC. Do you seriously want to go back to one carrot and a bottle of Tapatio after this?

[Leaf]

We've gotta go Muckle Waynes.

[Casper]

We're going to have to pick up the pace. How about some traveling music?

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Might I take this one, husband?

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

Well, of course, my dear.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

If no one is too offended, I might play a little secular music.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

Goodness me, honey, that's awfully risque.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Well, I wouldn't do it if you didn't love it so much. Heart of Mine.

[Ava]

Get a room. I really kill for some Linda Ronstadt sometimes.

[Leaf]

Okay, this could get weird. We're going to go full speed all the way back to the Big Bang. And that should toss us back to where we started. Hang on.

[Casper]

How are you feeling?

[Gloria]

One hell of a job interview.

[Leaf]

Okay. Welcome back to Arizona, everybody.

[Gloria]

There's my car.

[Casper]

See? Right where you left it.

[Ava]

No sign of the trans dimensional haboob.

[Casper]

Good work, everybody. Leaf. Never do that again.

[Leaf]

Sorry.

[Casper]

Gloria. Listen, I can never tell when we're going to get swept off somewhere else. So now's the time to make it for your car, right?

[Leaf]

Right.

[Casper]

What's the use of waiting when you.

[Gloria]

Know you want to go?

[Casper]

Come a run in my Honey, don't you hear that seam on the law?

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger. Y'all be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

[Zebulon Muckle Wayne]

And if time and Tide roil you too harshly or diurnal course, leave you with no safe havens. Just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

We open at 6.

[Gloria]

The fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

[Casper]

My friend Shayna was like, just so.

[Ava]

You know, everyone in the Villainous League is coming to kill you. And I was like, oh, boy.

[Casper]

Imagine NPR in the mcu, the Daily Planet's style desk. Car talk for jetpacks.

[Effie Muckle Wayne]

It's these American supers.

[John]

100% invisible.

[Ava]

The speech bubble.

[Casper]

It's sequential. A utility belt. Superhuman Public Radio is a fiction podcast telling the hilarious and heartbreaking stories of people in a superpowered world.

[Leaf]

I thought I was going to die.

[John]

An invisible car in Chicago.

[Casper]

A Wii Super Village. These are the stories that fall between the panels of comic books. I think they knew that. I didn't mean to do that to Arizona Wasabi.

[Gloria]

Oh, my God.

[Casper]

Quantum. He could kill himself. Kid, I feel like you're not giving this problem your own. No, no.

[Gloria]

But yes. I guess most people would call them a death squad.

[Casper]

Superhuman Public radio. Super human stories.

[Ava]

The only living limits are your imagination.

[Gloria]

And I have a wild imagination.

[Casper]

New episodes every Wednesday. Wherever you get your podcasts. This is spr.

[Leaf]

Name the supervillain and we've done the gig. But these Wall street types that lack the answers to Yikes.