Ep 1328 | From Jezebel to Jesus Follower: How a P*rn Star Got Saved | Brittni De La Mora

Summary

Podcast Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey
Episode: 1328 | From Jezebel to Jesus Follower: How a P*rn Star Got Saved | Brittni De La Mora
Date: April 6, 2026

This episode features Brittni De La Mora, who shares her powerful testimony of redemption—her journey from years spent in the adult film industry to a life transformed by faith in Jesus. Through candid conversation, Brittni speaks about addiction, trauma, spiritual awakening, and her current work helping others leave the porn industry. The discussion emphasizes God’s ability to make “beauty out of ashes” and the importance of grace, community, and practical support for those caught in cycles of exploitation.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Brittni’s Early Life & Childhood Trauma

• Brittni describes a “chaotic household” with no spiritual foundation, marked by emotional, verbal, and occasional physical abuse.
  • “Without God, there's just no love in a household, you know. And so it was very chaotic. A lot of verbal abuse, a lot of physical, emotional abuse.” (01:36)
• From a young age, she internalized feelings of worthlessness.
  • “I just remember, like at 10 years old, like going to bed with like a roll of toilet paper, like just crying myself to sleep and just like asking like, why am I even alive?” (01:57)
• Details the damaging impact of words spoken over her: “You're a loser. I hate you. I wish I never had you.” (02:45)

2. Search for Validation and Introduction to Adult Entertainment

• As a teenager, heartbroken over a boyfriend’s infidelity, Brittni sought love and validation elsewhere, leading to a pivotal night in Tijuana:
  • “I had liquid courage and a broken heart... I took my top off that night, and there were people saying, you are so beautiful. We love you. And those words... are words that I wasn't hearing at home.” (05:17)
• The affirmation she received in a strip club planted a “seed” connecting affirmation with sexual exposure.
• Struggled with an eating disorder, feeling control over nothing but her weight: “It became the one thing about my life that I had control over.” (12:09)
• Running from pain, she starts stripping in Santa Barbara, which leads to being recruited by producers—knowing it was pornography, but lured by promises of fame and validation.

3. Life in the Porn Industry: Costs and Consequences

• Brittni’s adult film career escalated quickly. She was constantly booked, nominated for “Best New Starlet.”
  • “I worked 70 something days in a row before I caught gonorrhea and then wasn't able to work for like a week.” (13:56)
• Industry dangers normalized; STDs rampant, drug use everywhere.
  • “I only know two women when I was in the industry that did not use drugs. I have lost so many people that were co workers of mine.” (19:49)
  • “Drugs make doing this kind of work easy... it numbed everything.” (17:37)
• Addiction grew, transitioned from cocaine to heroin to crystal meth to Adderall.
• Industry pressures drove performers deeper: scenes became more aggressive, violent, and tapped into disturbing trends (like “adolescent” content).
  • “They would put me in pigtails and costume jewelry and schoolgirl outfits and have me say, oh, I'm barely 18. One day a light flickered in me, and I was like, do you guys realize this is encouraging pedophilia?” (22:49)

4. The Internal Struggle & Encounter with Jesus

• Deeply unhappy and addicted, Brittni bottomed out—detoxing from heroin, she reached out to her grandmother and found herself at church.
  • “If you would give him a chance, he could turn things around for you. And I'm just like, crying, like, I want that so bad.” (25:46)
• Received her first Bible, began reading voraciously, sensed God speaking to her.
• Spiritual warfare: ongoing battles with her weaknesses (men, addiction).
• After a relationship with a “backslidden Christian pimp,” she tried to meld faith and the adult industry, even speaking about Jesus on mainstream interviews while still participating in porn.
• The pivotal conviction came via Scripture:
  • “Revelation... I have this thing against you. You tolerate that woman named Jezebel. She leads my people into sexual immorality... I started crying on the airplane, bawling... I'm that woman named Jezebel. I'm leading your people into sin.” (36:49)

5. Breaking Free and Finding New Purpose

• After her “Jezebel” moment on the airplane, Brittni did her last porn scene—overcome with conviction, knowing she could never return.
  • “I told everybody on set the exact word that Jesus gave me... this is not the life that God has for us.” (37:21)
• The exit was financially difficult; she went from millions to an empty bank account and $11/hr job at a limo company, but found fulfillment and healing in church community and prayer.
  • “Finding a job after doing pornography since you were 18 years old felt impossible... you're gonna have to humble yourself. You're gonna have to get rid of all of these things.” (38:27)

6. Restoration: Relationships and Motherhood

• Describes reconciliation and deep healing with her mother:
  • “I felt like rather than feeling like she was so mean to me, my perspective shifted... it was like the love of Christ just came through me, and I was able to love her like Jesus.”
  • Mother now babysits her grandchildren and is “wonderful.” (13:23, 51:20)
• Talks about her stable relationship with her father, and emphasizes the impact of loving, encouraging words for her children.
• Met her husband through church, a “woman of God” message from the young adult pastor convicted her to embrace her value:
  • “Ladies, I want you to know that you are a woman of God and that you are worthy of real, true love. If your man is not treating you as a woman of God, he needs to step up or step out.” (42:38)
• Celebrated 10 years of marriage with two daughters (44:19).
• Strives to parent through God's word, humility, repair, and encouragement, breaking the cycles of her own childhood trauma.

7. Ministry and Helping Others Leave the Industry

• Brittni and her husband run Loveaways Ministries and recently launched JesusLovesPornStars.org:
  • They attend adult conventions, handing out resources (“Jesus Loves Porn Stars” bags), the Book of John, and offer prayer and no-judgment support.
  • “We help them transition from the porn industry to a normal way of life.” (46:10)
  • Provide mental health, financial support, and practical assistance.
• Shares redemption stories, such as a woman who left the industry after being sheltered in Brittni’s home and is now happily married with children (49:22).
• Notes the challenge of leaving due to financial bondage and the need for humility in starting over.

8. The True Face of Pornography

• Strongly challenges the claim that porn is just “consenting adults”:
  • “There's so much brokenness in the industry that people would never admit unless they're at their breaking point.” (20:31)
  • Points to addiction cycles in both performers and consumers, escalating to ever more exploitative content, sometimes fueling real-world abuse.
  • Highlights the link between porn and normalization of adolescent/child-focused content, and the spiritual, emotional, and societal rot it causes.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Without God, there's just no love in a household, you know…” (01:38, Brittni)
• “There was just the seed that was planted in me that day that if you take your clothes off...this is where you’re going to find affirmation.” (06:00, Brittni)
• “I only know two women when I was in the industry that did not use drugs.” (19:49, Brittni)
• “Pornography really is a drug. It releases so much dopamine…what you're watching, you're feeding your soul...eventually it's not enough anymore.” (23:18, Brittni)
• “If you would give him a chance, he could turn things around for you...I want that so bad.” (25:45, Brittni)
• “Revelation...I have this thing against you. You tolerate that woman named Jezebel. She leads my people into sexual immorality… I'm leading your people into sin. I hate my life, and I'm breaking your heart. I'm sorry. Forgive me. And I felt the voice of the Holy Spirit just say, brittany, I love you so much. And this is not the life that I have for you.” (36:49, Brittni)
• “Ladies, I want you to know that you are a woman of God and that you are worthy of real, true love...you're worthy of real, true love, and you're worth the wait.” (42:38, Brittni’s soon-to-be husband)
• “I encourage them daily with the word of God. I pray…if I raise my children with the truth of God's word and I love them, well, I know that hopefully they will never have to question who they are.” (44:31)
• "We go into adult conventions...ministering the gospel. We help people find freedom from pornography." (00:45)
• “There are people in the industry that are actually hurting and most of them won’t ever admit it to the public because you have to put on a persona.” (20:31)
• On ministry: “We provide mental health resources, financial provision...help them transition from the porn industry to a normal way of life.” (46:10)
• “The Lord has really restored our relationship...he's grown her so much. And she's such a loving grandmother, and she's thoughtful and she's kind.” (51:20)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:36 | Brittni discusses her childhood and early wounds
• 05:17 | First experience stripping and the impact of affirmation
• 12:09 | Struggling with an eating disorder and mental health
• 13:56 | First experiences and dangers in the porn industry
• 17:37 | Drug use as a coping mechanism for industry trauma
• 19:49 | Prevalence of drugs and loss in the porn industry
• 22:49 | Insights on “adolescent” content and the encouragement of pedophilia
• 24:52 | Turning point: Detox, grandma, and first real church experience
• 36:49 | The “Jezebel” conviction and spiritual breakthrough
• 37:21 | Final day in the industry—Brittni’s public break with her past
• 38:27 | Starting over financially and relationally
• 42:38 | The message that helped her break old dating cycles and meet her husband
• 44:31 | How her new faith shapes her parenting
• 46:10 | Ministry efforts: Jesus Loves Porn Stars and Loveaways
• 49:22 | Testimony of a woman helped out of the industry
• 51:20 | The full circle: restoration of family relationships

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Conclusion

This episode is a raw, honest narrative of brokenness and healing. Brittni De La Mora’s testimony is both a sobering indictment of the lies and pain within the porn industry, and a hopeful declaration of God's power to redeem even the most shattered lives. Her insights on abuse, addiction, faith, and restoration—plus the work she’s doing today—make this episode a must-listen for those seeking understanding, hope, or practical help in the battle against exploitation.

Transcript

[A]

Brittany de La Mora worked in the porn industry for over six years. But God radically transformed her life. And now she helps women in the porn industry get out and live redeemed. Her story is absolutely incredible and is so encouraging to us when we remember that God is a God of redemption. He makes beauty out of ashes. You are going to be so edified by the testimony that she shares today. So without further ado, here is Brittany. Brittany, thanks so much for taking the time to join us. Could you first just tell us who you are and what you do?

[B]

So, yes, my name is Brittany Dallamora and I was in the adult film industry for seven years of my life. Now my husband and I run an organization called called Loveaways Ministries.com and just launched JesusLoves Porn Stars.org and what we're doing is going into adult conventions, ministering the gospel. We just went to one in January and got to pray over so many consumers and adult industry workers. And we help people find freedom from pornography.

[A]

Wow. Well, I can't wait to get into more of like, what that work looks like. What a unique ministry that God has called you to. I first want to hear your testimony. We'll get to how you became a Christian, but let's back all, all the way up and just talk a little bit about your childhood because that has something to do with the kind of head space that you were in when you got into the adult film industry. So let's back all the way up.

[B]

Yes. So going back to childhood, I just grew up in a very chaotic household. It wasn't a Christian home. We didn't know God. He wasn't encouraged or discouraged, I really believe, because God is love. Without God, there's just no love in a household, you know. And so it was very chaotic. A lot of verbal abuse, a lot of physical, emotional abuse. I just really grew up with a lot of insecurities and a lot of self hatred because you internalize the words that are spoken over you. And so I just felt like, I just remember, like at 10 years old, like going to bed with like a roll of toilet paper, like just crying myself to sleep and just like asking like, why am I even alive? Like, what is the point of life? Like just having these questions of no purpose, no identity. And was I just born to feel pain my entire life? And that' genuinely how I felt. And so I made all of my decisions based on that place of brokenness.

[A]

And you say that there was verbal abuse and gosh, what pain you must have been feeling as a 10 year old to be able to just cry yourself to sleep at night. What were some of the things that you were hearing in your home?

[B]

You're a loser. I hate you. I wish I never had you. I mean, the list goes on and on. Things that I could never say on your podcast.

[A]

Yeah. Gosh, I'm so sorry. And were your parents together? Were they married?

[B]

They were together, but they were separated.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So if that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm sure that kind of led to the insecurity and instability you felt as a child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So tell me more about growing up and then that fateful trip that you took when you were a teenager.

[B]

Yeah. So when I got to probably about middle school, high school, I just. My search for validation began and I thought, like, I just need to have a boyfriend. I need somebody in my life. And so dated a couple guys here and there. And then in high school, I just started to pursue this guy that I was attracted to. And eventually we started dating and I lost my virginity to him. And then his brother called me and told me that he had cheated on me with three different women. And I was crushed because of course, in my 16 year old little heart, I thought, well, this is the guy that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. And after that, I had told my friends, like, I'm heartbroken. I felt not only rejected at home, but now rejected by the guy that I just gave everything to. And so they're like, well, let's just go to Mexico and party because we so close to the Tijuana border. So we went out. And in Mexico, by the way, at that time, you could get into any club with a valid high school ID. You're supposed to be 18, but you show your high school ID and they would let you in.

[A]

And you lived in San Diego, so it was just a drive down.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. I lived probably 10, 15 minutes from the border, if that. And so we go to a club, I get drunk.

[A]

And your parents didn't have. They didn't care?

[B]

No, they did, actually. My mom was very, very strict. She. I think I had her. I was going to spend the night at a friend's house that night. And then that friend's parents were not strict and they're like, oh, yeah, go ahead, go have fun, you know. So we went to a club. It was the first time that I had ever gotten drunk and I went outside to get some food and I see another club across the way and I recognize the name of the club because there was some guys in My high school class that would talk about how beautiful the women were. So out of curiosity, like, what do these women have that they're always praising these women? Like, I'm just going to go check it out. So I go over to the bar, and the bouncer was like, you can't come in. And I said, well, I'm not gonna drink. Like, I just wanna dance. Because I thought they weren't gonna let me in because I was drunk. And they're like, oh, you wanna dance? And so he grabs me by the hand and he said, okay, come on. And he walks me into a club, and I'm looking around and I'm like, oh, this is a strip club. And he said, you're gonna be up after her. So the way it worked in America, like, there's a changing room backstage in Mexico. It was like, the women are just lined up on the st to go on stage for their turn. And so I had liquid courage and a broken heart. I also felt afraid to say no at that point. I don't know. I just. I had a lot of fear in me as a child. So I got up on stage, I took my top off that night, and there were people saying, you are so beautiful. We love you. And those words that I was hearing in that club are words that I wasn't hearing at home. And so there was just the seed that was planted in me that day that if you take your clothes off, like, this is where you're going to find affirmation. This is where you're going to find validation.

[A]

Yeah. Wow. Okay. So you're up there, you're like, this is the. This is the love that I have been longing for. Didn't get it from my boyfriend. He rejected me. I wasn't enough for him. Wasn't enough for my parents. They rejected me. They thought nothing of me. Finally, like, you've been starved of love and affirmation for so long, you probably felt like a hungry child. That's just like, I am finally getting the thing that I have been searching for. So what happened after?

[B]

Well, I mean, I was doing very well in school. I was a straight A student. Unfortunately, I had started struggling with an eating disorder and got put into, like, a mental institution for anorexia. And so I wasn't able to go to any of the colleges that I had hoped to go to. So I ended up going to Santa Barbara City College. And I was studying. Well, at that point, it was just general ed, but my. My intention was to study broadcasting and journalism, and I was working Full time and going to school full time, but felt so lost. Like, I think because, you know, my mom, you know, she meant well. Like she always wanted to just do everything for us. And so when I get to college, I'm like in my English class, honors English, and everybody's reading a book and I'm like, what book are you guys reading? They're like, oh, it was in the email, you know, and so I'm just feeling so lost and so confused. So I drop out of that class. And then things just start feeling overwhelming and so hard. And I'm just like, you know what? I miss that validation. So I went back to the strip club. Well, I applied for a job at the strip club in Santa Barbara and got hired that day. And I was still going to college at that point, taking a few other classes. And a couple producers came into the club one night and they were tipping me quite a bit of money and just telling me that I was beautiful, that I was destined to be a star. They said, we make romance movies. If you're ever interested, give us a call. I knew that they were talking about pornography, but at that time I was already taking my clothes off for money and I was already promiscuous. So I just kind of thought, like, you know, they're promising me that I'm going to be famous. Like, maybe if enough people know my name, if enough people, like, recognize me, then maybe somehow, like, that's going to fill that void in my heart. Like, I'll learn to love myself or at least hate myself less. And so it was like that promise of fame that I was like, okay, I'll do it. So I went to LA the next day and they put me in hair and makeup and continued affirming me and got me connected with an agency. And the agent basically said, it's porn or school, you can't do both. And so I dropped out of school and I made porn my full time career. And things took off for me very quickly.

[A]

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[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then after that night, did that plant a seed in you that I want to do that again or did that not really come into your mind until later?

[B]

You know, I was going through old journals and this is wild. I don't even remember writing this, but I was writing like, how am I going to pay my way through college? And some of the things that I listed in my journal were stripping, prostitution, because I had met a woman in that mental institution when I had anorexia that was was there. Her parents had put her in there because she was a teenage prostitute and she had just gotten out of juvenile hall. So she was trying to introduce me to her pimp and glorifying the lifestyle. Like we have a beautiful home together and you know, he buys me everything I want and just like glorifying it. Right. And so in my mind I'm like, oh well great, that's a great career choice, you know. And so I actually wrote that in my journal as was probably a 17 year old little girl teenager.

[A]

Wow. So it was in your head that that was a possibility, that that would be a good way to make money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Talk to me about your eating disorder that you had when you were still in high school. Correct. Did that happen after that night after your boyfriend cheated on you and what was kind of going through your mind then?

[B]

It did happen afterwards? I don't think I actually correlated the two. I was like. And I used to like idolize celebrities as a teenager.

[A]

We all did when we were teenage

[B]

girls and was a huge fan of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen and remember seeing them losing all this weight Paris

[A]

Hilton, Christina Aguilera, like Misha Barton. Tiniest, tiniest people. Yeah.

[B]

Obsessed with all of them. And my friend and I decided, like, hey, let's go on a diet. And we just wanted to lose ten pounds. And so we lose ten pounds. And then from there, like, I just became obsessed with it because my home was so controlling. It became the one thing about my life that I had control over. And at that age. Also, we were in summer school at this point and there was a guy that's like, oh, you guys are trying to lose weight. Like, my brother sells coke. Cocaine. So we had bought cocaine a few times and like, that helped us to not be hungry. And I just became very obsessed with being very thin to the point that my mom was like, what is wrong with? Like, something's wrong. Like, you are losing a lot of weight. You know, you're not eating. And so that's when she, she had gone through my room while I was at school and found a journal. I've always journaled with, like, my weight. Like, I would put my weight at the beginning of the day and the end of the day. And she put me in a mental hospital for, you know, to try to help me with the eating disorder.

[A]

The parental dynamic is so interesting there because in a way, your mom did care. You said that she was strict, but then also that emotional abuse that really shaped you growing up. So it just sounded like a very complex and difficult relationship.

[B]

Yes, it definitely was. And things have gotten so much better. By the grace of God. I mean, she babysits my kids and I mean, she's wonderful.

[A]

Yeah, I can't wait to talk about the redemption of all of this. So you went to that rehab or that institution, and then after that is when you went to school and you got into pornography after becoming a stripper and kind of getting scouted by these producers. So you said that after that, after you started, things started moving very quickly. What do you mean by that?

[B]

I mean, I started getting booked almost every, literally every single day. I worked 70 something days in a row before I caught gonorrhea and then wasn't able to work for like a week. And yeah, like, STDs run rampant in the industry. They say that they don't, but they do. At the time when I was in the industry, you would get tested every 28 days. I believe they've changed their testing protocols at this point. But I mean, just because you test, like, you may work with somebody that just slept with somebody at a bar the night before. And now for the next 28 days or 27 days till their test. They're now spreading that around. So that was my first ever std. I'd never had unprotected sex before the industry. And my agent was like, oh, it's just a shot in the butt. You'll be fine. You know, like, everybody gets it. Very. Just normalized it, you know?

[A]

Was that jarring or were you like, okay, if this is the price of fame and money, I guess it's fine.

[B]

At first, it scared the living daylights out of me. I didn't even know. I was like, is this permanent? What is this? Am I gonna die? Like, I knew nothing about it. And he just really, just normalized it. Hey, it's just like, getting a cold. It's a shot in the butt. Like, you're. You're gonna literally. Literally, you're gonna get a shot and it's gonna go away, and you're gonna be fine. Everybody gets it. And he really normalized it, and I was like, oh, okay. Like, I guess, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I went and got the medication and it went away, and I was able to work again. But, I mean, I was nominated for, like, best new starlet within just a matter of months of being in the industry. So, like, things really. When I say things took off. Like, the fame that they promised me. I mean, I never, like, looked at myself and considered myself famous, but the attention that I was getting was what I had been craving all those years.

[A]

Yeah. And were you still doing drugs at this point, or had you stopped that afterwards?

[B]

So I stopped, but then I was on set with a director who, come to find out, was just somebody who's really cruel to women. And he told me that I was fat and that if I ever wanted to make it in the industry, that I needed to lose weight. I was only like 105 pounds at that time. I mean, a lot thinner than I am even today. And that really triggered something in me, because what he didn't know was that I had just gotten out of not only a mental institution, but then I did an extensive outpatient treatment for anorexia, and I was not fully healed. It's just, you know. And so he triggered it, triggered me. And so I saw a woman. I was living at that point in a model house. So model houses, basically, agents will. They have, like, very large houses and they'll rent each rooms out. Because a lot of the women in the porn industry will come in from out of town, shoot for like a month, and then go back home to their Family. And so I was staying in a model house, and I asked a girl, hey, by any chance, can you get some coke? You know? And she was, like, super suspicious. Like, why? Who told you? And I'm like, no, no, no. It's just. I just want to lose a little weight. And she goes, oh, yeah, I can get you some. And then she gave me cocaine. And then from that point forward, I mean, I'd only been in the industry for maybe a month or two at that point. I started using drugs every day after that.

[A]

Was it just cocaine?

[B]

Oh, no. I mean, it transitioned from cocaine to Norcos into oxycontin and then to heroin and then to crystal meth for a little bit. I mean, it was Adderall. I mean, I would use just anything I could get my hands on.

[A]

Looking back, were you trying to numb any pain or guilt, or was it just that it started to make you feel good, started to make you lose weight, and it spiraled from there? Or maybe both.

[B]

It was both, Anna. It started with the weight loss, but what I realized was, oh, wow. Drugs makes doing this kind of work easy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, because I. I wasn't much of a woman of conviction. There were very few things that I had convictions over in that industry, and the drugs just kind of, like, numbed it. Like, there were some things that made me feel gross. They made me feel yucky. And using drugs just kind of, like, was like, oh, whatever. Like, it just. It numbs everything. And so, yeah, and drugs give you this false sense of happiness, you know? So it was like. I mean, I talk to people. I just was. When I was at the porn show just a month ago, ministering, I had my old makeup artist do my makeup, and she's like, I had no idea you were on drugs. Like, you were the most friendly, most kind person, but it was like. It was a mask, you know? It was the drugs that were just, like, making me feel happy. But it's a false sense of happiness.

[A]

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[B]

I only know two women when I was in the industry that did not use drugs. I have lost so many people that were co workers of mine. Even in just recent years, some of the most well known women in that industry have just recently died of overdoses and suicide.

[A]

I hear a lot of people say, you know, why should we really care about porn? These are grownups consenting to making videos for people to consensually consume. Sure, we might be personally against it, but why does it matter? Like is that an accurate picture of pornography? Just grown up consenting to having a good time?

[B]

Yes and no. I think it might start off that way. But I mean, I have women reaching out to me all the time that are so broken and feel so stuck. So why should we care? Because there's people in the industry that are actually hurting and most of them won't ever admit it to the public because you have to put on a Persona, right? So like I had a stage name and when I would post on my social media as my stage name, I'm not gonna post a photo saying I am so depressed. I feel like ending my life today. Like I'm, I'm not gonn show that side. I'm going to put on a smile and say, hey, guess what guys, look who I get to work with today. You know, look at what new purse I bought today, you know, and, and there's so much brokenness in the industry that people would never admit unless they're at their breaking point.

[A]

I've talked to other people. This was a man who had been in the porn industry and he talks about how, you know, it started one way where he was doing porn with women and you know, he's straight, attracted to women. But then it just caught, got more and more intense and more and more aggressive. And then it was gay porn because he could make more money. He was also getting a bunch of accolades. Like, did you ever feel that, okay, this is spiraling into more and more intense, more and more violent content that is kind of scaring me?

[B]

Yes. So three years in, like, okay, so up to three years, like, I had some very hard no's on things that, like, I was like, I will not do. I've never even done that in my personal life. I will not do that. But when it came to some aggressive scenes, like spanking and, like, smacking and spitting and pulling hair, like, I would agree to those scenes if they would pay me more money. And though I hated it and it felt uncomfortable, sadly, some of it also felt normal to me. Me, because of my upbringing.

[A]

Yeah. There is this big problem, and we've talked about, like, the dangers of pornhub and everything, but also just, like, the popularity of adolescent content or, like, pretending to be adolescent. And that, of course, changes the taste of the people consuming it. Like, when you were in the industry, did you see that as a big problem?

[B]

Yes. So when I say that I was not a woman of conviction, but there were very few things, that was one of the things. So when I first started off in the industry, the reason why I was getting booked so much is because I was 18 years old and I look like a little girl. And they would put me in pigtails and costume jewelry and schoolgirl outfits and have me say, oh, I'm barely 18. One day a light flickered in me, and I was like, do you guys realize this is encouraging pedophilia? And I'm like. Cause I'm very protective over children because of my childhood. And I'm like, like, you know, I had to go to my agent and I told him, like, hey, I cannot do these scenes anymore. Do not book me for these. It was like I was doing them. And then it just. Something just hit me where I was like, this is wrong. This is not okay. And now that I'm out, like, I see that pornography really is a drug. It releases so much dopamine in your brain, and eventually what you watch on porn does not fill you anymore. And so now you have to go reenact those things. In real life, it starts off by hiring escorts, and then, you know, that's not enough. And then people are doing things to children, and we see that all over, and it's sickening. And I truly blame pornography for that, because what they're watching, they're feeding their soul, and then they start craving that, because eventually it's just not enough anymore. I saw a documentary of a guy who had 6,000 images of child pornography when he was raided. 6,000 images from the Dark Web. It is sickening. It breaks my heart. It angers me. But he started off watching the Morally acceptable scenes, the husband and wife. And then started watching the young teenage 18 girl, 18 year old with the old man. And eventually that wasn't enough.

[A]

Yeah. So after you were in the industry for a few years, I think about three years, you actually became a Christian. So tell me about that moment.

[B]

Yeah, I was detoxing from heroin, living in Los Angeles, and couldn't get a hold of any drugs. And I called my grandma and I'm like, grandma, I. I need your help. If. If you don't help me, like, I'm probably gonna end my life. Because the way that I feel right now is like, I just. I'm chasing death. Like, I'm. I'm. I can't do this anymore. And so she drove up to LA and she picked me up and I moved in with her and was able to get Suboxone to help kind of alleviate a little bit of the symptoms and detox at her house for quite some time. And her and my grandpa are separated. He's remarried to a wonderful woman. And they had been going to church and I asked if I could join them. And so I went to church with them. And I just. I don't even remember the whole message, but I just remember the pastor saying that, you know, Jesus wants to give you a second chance at life, and if you would give him a chance, he could turn things around for you. And I'm just like, crying, like, I want that so bad.

[A]

Have you ever been to church?

[B]

A handful of times. Don't really remember much. A school bus used to come around in sixth grade, and my mom would let me go on Sundays, but it was like a youth group that didn't really teach anything. We just kind of played, you know, so it was like. But I had been to church, you know, and then my nana and papa took me to church when I was very young, but I don't quite remember it. But I know that my nana, she's 94 years old, has been praying for me my entire life, every single day. So God bless her, I love her so much. So I'm just like weeping and I go down to the altar and meet with somebody. Afterwards, they give me my very first Bible. And I go back to my grandma's house and I just start devouring the Bible and started in the book of Genesis. Didn't know where else to start. And I'm just reading through it and really start to hear, like, feel the voice of God speaking to me. And so the enemy was not happy about my decision. And at that point, men were My weakness, one of my favorite scriptures in Proverbs is if a bird sees a trap being said, it knows to stay away. And I think that's so important to know what your traps are, because I didn't know what my trap was. And my trap was men. My weakness were men. So I dated one man who was in a motorcycle gang and was stabbed to death in front of me.

[A]

Wow. Did you go back into the. So after that trip to your grandmother's house though, did you go back into the industry? Were you still making porn?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. So at that point?

[B]

No, I. I stopped. Oh, you did stop for a little bit, yes. So after the guy that I was dating, his friend came in and was a pimp. After he, after he was killed.

[A]

So after you're at the stint at your grandparents house, you started reading the Bible and you went back to just kind of like living life. But you met this guy that you fell for and he was a bad dude. So keep going with that.

[B]

Okay. So he was in a motorcycle gang and we were out one night and he was, he was stabbed to death in front of me.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And I, at this point had moved out of my grandma's, moved in with him very quickly and just really was like, I don't even, I don't want to call my grandma. I was ashamed, you know, like, I left my grandma and I'm going through all this trauma and I start using crystal meth and start hearing voices. And that guy's friend came into my life and was like, hey, I'll put you in a hotel room. I know you have nowhere to go. I was very at the most vulnerable place in my life at that point.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And he's giving me drugs and all the things, you know, to build a relationship with me. And then he gets me, he's like, hey, I'm gonna like, try to help you get off these drugs now. Takes me to a mental hospital, moves me in with him because I can't go move in with my family at this point. And at least I thought I couldn't. You know, I didn't ask anybody, but he's a pimp. And then he gets me back into the adult film industry for another three and a half years. But he was actually a backslidden pimp. I told him I thought I was possessed by the devil. He took me to a church, I got baptized, and he was a backslidden pimp. What does that mean, a Christian? Backslidden Christian. Like he wasn't walking. At one point in his life, he Says I've never seen it, but he says that he was like going to church regularly on fire for God. And then I don't know exactly what happened in his life, but at that point in his life he was a pimp and not walking with the Lord. But when I told him that I thought that I was possessed by the devil, it kind of freaked him out. And, and he took me to a church and I got baptized and then he's like, I started to feel like a sense of joy for the first time in my life because I'm growing closer to the Lord at this point, not realizing he's a pimp and he's going to get me back into the industry. And so I'm off drugs again. And he's like, okay, it's time, you're ready. And I'm like, ready for what? And he's like, we're going to get you back in the industry. You're going to be bigger than ever.

[A]

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[B]

So he asked me one night, have you ever seen the passion of the Christ. I'm like, no, I've never seen that movie. And he's like, well, let's watch it. So we're watching it, and I don't know, I just felt like something was in me. Like, I don't know. I just felt weird. I felt heavy. I felt like my skin was crawling as I'm watching this movie. And I just looked at him. I said, I kind of think I'm possessed by the devil. And he's like, we're gonna take you to church. And so he starts calling some of his old youth pastor friends, and, you know, like, what do I do? And so they're like, we'll just bring her to church and get her baptized. But she shouldn't be possessed. I don't know. They were giving him some different. You know, she shouldn't be. If she receives Jesus, then she shouldn't be possessed. All these things, you know, just different things. And he's like, well, let's just be safe and take you to church. And so I go. He takes me to, like, an apostolic church, and I get baptized there. And, yeah, I mean, I felt like when I came up out of the water, I just felt. I just felt free. Like, I felt. I felt cleansed. And I wasn't on drugs anymore, and I'm continuing to read the Bible, and I started to really feel joy for the first time in my life. But the guy that I was with was twisting the scriptures, so when I would point things out, he's like, oh, no. Because when he brought back about getting into pornography, I'm like, no, I don't think that Jesus would want me to prostitute. It says, go and sin no more. And he's like, no, no, no. Like, Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. He loves prostitutes. He loves it. He's okay with it. Things like that. So really twisting Scripture. And I'm like a baby believer here. So I'm thinking, oh, well, he probably knows more than I do. And I'm like, oh, okay. Well, if God's cool with it. And I actually did some very big, like, interviews. Even, like, Howard Stern. And I'm talking about Jesus on those interviews. Like, just, Jesus is amazing. Jesus is wonderful. Like, we should all follow him, you know, Even though I'm not fully following him myself, but I'm in those beginning stages of building a relationship with him while in my sin.

[A]

Okay, so this guy, he's very confusing because he's like, oh, let's go to church. Let's get you off drugs. But also, let's get you back into the porn industry. So you did start doing porn again. And you talked about this moment where a pornographer asked you in one of his videos to be on a cross upside down. Can you talk about that?

[B]

Yeah. So there is this website that's. They're located. This company located out in San Francisco, and they are known for doing very aggressive scenes, like with whips and. And just things like that, you know? And I had worked for them a few times in the past and honestly had no issue working for them after receiving Jesus as my Lord and savior. And they didn't know this, I don't think. I don't know if I mentioned it to them, but they had this upside down cross and they're like, okay, so we're gonna tie you to this and then we're gonna have him whip you. And I'm like, this is an upside down cross. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, no, I don't feel comfortable with that. And they were very like, there were certain keywords where if you don't feel comfortable, they're like, okay. They're not gonna try to pressure you to do. And they're like, okay, well, then you just don't get paid for this one, you know, because you get paid per set that you do with them. So. But yeah, that was something that, I don't know. Prior to Jesus, I probably wouldn't have had a conviction towards. But, like, after receiving him, I'm just like, this just feels evil and very demonic and I cannot do this.

[A]

So how long did you continue pornography, though, after that?

[B]

After that, I was with that guy for about three years.

[A]

Okay. And during that time, like, did the conviction grow that this is not right? This is. Is not right? You continue to do it because you felt like, maybe it's possible to be a Christian and do this at the same time, but eventually you realize these two things cannot mix.

[B]

So that happened eventually. I wasn't growing a conviction necessarily that pornography was wrong. I knew that I didn't like it. I knew that I felt depressed again. I knew that it wasn't for me. That's how I felt at that point. Like, oh, well, it's just not for me. I don't like it. And one day the pimp and I get in a fight and I feel the voice of God tell me to go and take his phone because he had taken mine. And I'm standing outside and he says, like, go outside. And I'm standing outside, like, with the phone, like, who am I gonna call, you know? And I feel God just say, like, brittany, call your mom. And I'm like, there is no way I can call her. And the Holy Spirit just said, brittany, humble yourself and call your mom. And so I called her. She showed up within 20 minutes, picked me up from his house. I moved in with her for a short period of time. Then I go to film what would become my very last porn scene. This is where the conviction came. Before I leave for the airport, I feel the Holy Spirit saying, bring your Bible, the one that I had received at that church three years prior. So I bring my Bible. And Revelation was the one book in the New Testament that I had not read yet because I just. I didn't understand it every time. And I'm like, I'm just gonna give this one a shot as I'm on the airplane. Revelation, chapter 2, verse 20, 23 is what I get to. And it says, I have this thing against you. You tolerate that woman named Jezebel. She leads my people into sexual immorality. I have given her time to repent. If she doesn't repent, I will cast her and all who commit immorality into a sickbed along with her. I started crying on the airplane, bawling. And in my heart, I just said, God, I had no idea that this is what I've been doing. I'm that woman named Jezebel. I'm leading your people into sin. I hate my life, and I'm breaking your heart. I'm sorry. Forgive me. And I felt the voice of the Holy Spirit just say, brittany, I love you so much. And this is not the life that I have for you. The life that I have for you will overflow with so much love and peace, peace and joy. And if you would just quit this industry today, I would bless your life like no man ever could.

[A]

What happened after that?

[B]

I went to set that day, and I told everybody on set the exact word that Jesus gave me. I said, hey, guys, I want you to know this isn't the life that God has for us. He loves us so much. He has a better life in store. And I'm already, like, trying to evangelize. And these people are like, this girl is crazy. They're like, are you okay? Like, are you gonna do the scene? Like, we paid for your flight. We paid for a hotel, all the things, you know, makeup's here. And I'm like, yeah, but this is the last time that you're ever gonna see me. And I kid you not, I regret doing that scene. I wish I wouldn't have, but it was the most awkward scene I had ever done in my seven year career. I just, the whole time, for the first time, felt a heavy conviction as I was performing. Couldn't say the things I used to say, couldn't act the way I used to act. Like it was just everything about it was awkward and uncomfortable because I had a conviction for the first time and I knew that I would never go back to that industry. And I've been out for 14 years.

[A]

What did life look like immediately after that? How did you get your footing?

[B]

Yeah, it was rough. I mean, finding a job after doing pornography since you were 18 years old felt impossible. I applied everywhere I could. I finally found a job after months of trying and I was making like $11 an hour at a limousine company. And I mean, I survived. Like, it was hard, it wasn't easy. And it's why when so many women reach out to me and they want to quit the porn industry, they're like, but I'm not going to be able to pay my bills, but I'm not going to be able to drive my car. I'm like, I know, that's the point. You're gonna have to humble yourself. You're gonna have to get rid of all of these things. You're not gonna be able to afford them. It doesn't mean that maybe one day you can't get some of these things back. But you're gonna have to change your life to follow Jesus. You can't have all of this and follow him. It's just not. It's not gonna work. And it's the thing that I think keeps so many women stuck. But I was so broken that I was like, I don't care If I'm making $11 an hour. My bank account is empty. And people think, like, I get a lot of accusations. Oh, well, you left that industry with millions of dollars. No, I made millions of dollars. But the first three years I spent it all in just dumb things, drugs and, you know, name brand everything. And then the next three years I was giving it all to a pimp. So, no, I didn't. I left that industry with my last check and it was only $1,500. So I literally had nothing. And I just, I was hungry for Jesus. And so I find that job. I. I start going to church and get very involved in church. I mean, the couple days that church wasn't open, I was like, why aren't you open? Like, I just need to be here. You know, I started serving in every ministry That I could serve in working full time and then driving to church and just, you know, I just fell so in love with Jesus. And beyond church, it was every morning I would wake up hours before I had to go to work and I would pray and worship and read my bible and just spend time with Jesus and he just started healing my heart and giving me the strength to forgive every single person that had hurt me and like truly changing my life in his presence.

[A]

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[B]

So when I started going to the church that I was going to, it's a whole nother dating the wrong person kind of story. A guy on Facebook had hit me up and he was a high school friend and he had scriptures on his page. So I was like, do you go to church? And he's like, yeah. I said, can you take me to church? Because I didn't know you could kind of like just go. I thought you had to go with somebody. I, I didn't know, you know. So he takes me to church, we start dating, we're intimate, and I start getting convicted by messages. And he's one of the people that just goes to like all different kinds of churches, not plugged in or anything like that. And this girl from a Bible study that I started going to kept inviting me to the young adult ministry. And I was like, no, I don't want to go. My boyfriend won't go. And she just kept inviting Me. And it's so funny because I. I think I got, like, so, like, fine. You keep inviting me like, you're that annoying Christian that won't stop it. But I'm gonna go. Okay? I'm gonna go. And I'm so grateful that she never stopped inviting me, because there was. I didn't know he was gonna become my husband, but he was preaching. He was the young adult pastor at the time, and he was preaching a message that literally changed my life. Like, in the middle of his message, he said, I have to stop for just a minute because I feel like God is wanting me to speak to the women right now. And. And we're all, like, single, nobody's married. And he says, ladies, I want you to know that you are a woman of God and that you are worthy of real, true love. He said, if your man is not treating you as a woman of God, he needs to step up or step out. Show him the exit sign, because you're worthy of real, true love, and you're worth the wait. And I again. And it's one of those crying moments, because the guy that I was dating, not only did he want to be sexually intimate, but I was still looking for a job at that point. He was encouraging me to go to the strip club, because at least I'm not having sex. And so I'm like. I received that word, and I'm like, God, even though, like, I'm deep, I've. I've sinned so much. Like, I'm worthy of love. And even though, like, I've been in the porn industry, like, I'm. I'm worth the wait, you know, like, that message just really spoke to me. And so I broke up with him, and I said, I'm going to take an entire. For me, this was a long time. An entire year off of dating. And I'm just going to grow in you, Lord, like, no distractions. And it was about two years later, I had started serving in the young adult ministry and every other ministry that I could serve in at our church. And my husband and I just became very good friends. And then one day, about two years after me being a Christian, he asked me out, and we got married about a year and a half after the.

[A]

That. Yeah. And now you all have two girls.

[B]

Yes. And we just celebrated 10 years of marriage.

[A]

Congratulations.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Wow. That's amazing. Thank you. Tell me how all of the experiences that you've had and the testimony that you have has shaped how you mother your girls.

[B]

Yes, I think that I understand the Weight of our words. You know, our words can set our children up for success or they can make them question who they are at the core of themselves. And so I encourage them daily with the word of God. I pray, and I don't do it perfectly, but I pray that God leads me in my parenting, because I'm a first generation technically Christian and just learning all this on my own. And I know the importance of what it means to have a strong and healthy marriage, because I didn't see that. I saw a lot of fighting and a lot of chaos and how that impacted me. So, like, we're very careful, and when we make mistakes, repair is so huge. Like being humble enough to say, hey, I messed up and I'm so sorry, and I shouldn't have said that. And just knowing that if I raise my children with the truth of God's word and I love them, well, I know that hopefully they will never have to question who they are. And I know that they'll never even enter or the thoughts of even entering that industry will never cross their mind. Because people who enter that industry. You act like you have a lot of confidence because you're doing all of this, but there's a deep root of insecurity. There's a deep root of just wanting validation and wanting to be loved.

[A]

Yeah, tell me about the ministries you have now that help women get out of this industry. You already said that. It's hard because they don't have an spending money a lot of times. So what are y' all doing to help them?

[B]

Yeah, so as of right now, we are going into adult conventions and we

[A]

are sharing adult conventions.

[B]

So think of like a shoe convention or, you know, convent. Just conventions. Right? Like.

[A]

Like a conference.

[B]

Okay, how about the podcast convention? They just did the nr, the nrb, nrv. Okay, so it's like a convention like that, but it's women who have booths or companies that have booths, and women are signing autographs and they are selling movies and meeting with their fans and things like that. So what we did in January was we went in, we had 150 gift bags for women that say, Jesus loves porn stars. Because we're called to be fishers of men. And in those, we give out gifts and we give out the Book of John and we're there to support them and to pray over them. And there were so many consumers that we got to connect with and just praying over them. I mean, there were married couples in there that were asking for prayer. There was a man who was like, pray for me I'm being a really bad Christian. He recognized me from our ministry and I'm like, what do you mean? You know? And so we just got to pray, pray over him. He, you know, his spouse didn't know that he was at a convention. He's been a Christian his entire life. Enslaved to pornography, tried to get free for so many years and just has been stuck. And so it's just really incredible what gets to happen on those showroom floors. So we do that. And then my partner, Pastor Rachel, who actually used to go into conventions while I was in the industry and minister to me, she's a big reason why I got out. Her and I have partnered together. So she also works for a mental health clinic. So we offer mental health resources, financial provision when needed, and we help them transition from the porn industry to a normal way of life.

[A]

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[B]

So I have a few. One of my favorites is a woman who, before she even got in the industry, she was researching stories of women who had left and she came across my story. And so she remembered that and she got into the industry for a couple months, reaches out to me and she said, I don't want to be doing this anymore, but I got kicked out of my house and, you know, my grandma passed away, my dad won't let me live there and I have nowhere to go. So I talked to my Husband. I said, we have a spare room. This was before we had children. I said, can she just come stay with us? So she came and lived with us for a couple days, and she ended up leaving. And I was heartbroken. I'm like, where are you going? And she's like. She had talked to her agent, and she decided to go back. So I faithfully prayed for her for over a year, and I went to the convention to minister, and I ran into her and her, and I got reconnected. And then she reached out to me again, and she ended up leaving the industry a couple weeks later. She's now married with two beautiful daughters living on the East Coast. She's been out of that industry for this before I had kids, so at least seven or eight years. And so that's one of my favorite stories, because that's such a redemption story. And, you know, she's been able to get a great job and living a wonderful life.

[A]

And now, praise God. Okay, how can people support you in your ministries?

[B]

So we have jesusloves, porn stars.org and people can support through financial support, through prayers. As we continue to go into more conventions, we will need volunteers. So signing up for the newsletter is a great way if you have a heart and can be in that type of environment without being tempted. And then we have loveaways ministries.com that's more of, like, our books, courses, and teachings.

[A]

You said something that I think is important to touch on. You said that your relationship with your mom really was redeemed.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I don't know about your dad, but I would love to finish by just talking about how God has helped restore that relationship.

[B]

Yeah. So it started off, I was going to church, and I remember the feeling just so led to just pray for her. And at first it was very hard because I had a lot of hurt in my heart. But I kept pressing into prayer, and all of a sudden, I just felt a wave of mercy come over me. And I felt like rather than feeling like she was so mean to me, my perspective shifted, and I felt like, how could somebody treat somebody like this if they didn't have their own brokenness? And rather than being upset with her, I then felt bad. And it was like the love of Christ just came through me, and I was able to love her like Jesus. And so it started. The relationship started with a lot of boundaries. You know, that first year specifically, I could only go around for a little bit because I would get triggered. You know, she might say something unintentionally that would trigger And I was still healing. You know, it's not. It was. I wasn't fully ready. So anyways, the Lord starts just healing that relationship little by little over time. And then it got to the point where we could, you know, take trips to, you know, drive a couple hours away together. And, you know. And now, unfortunately, I moved, so we're not in the same city. But when I do go down, I was just down there for a women's conference recently, and she took my children and took them out for a fun day. And the Lord has really restored our relationship, and he's grown her so much. And she's such a loving grandmother, and she's thoughtful and she's kind, and that's one thing. She's always been thoughtful. She's always been the person that would give the shirt off their back to a homeless person if she needed to. She's just always had some great qualities about her that she instilled in me as well. But just to see her grow and thrive as well is such a beautiful thing. And my relationship with my dad, we've always been good. He was really kind of like the fun parent growing up, but we've always had a stable relationship in that sense.

[A]

Well, thank you so much for sharing and for sharing about that redemption. I just really appreciate you, and I really do encourage people to support you and to support your ministry. So thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you for having me. Me. It's truly an honor.