Podcast
Relationship Truth: Unfiltered
Hosted by Leslie Vernick · EN
Relationship Truth: Unfiltered is a place for people of faith to find real answers when it comes to destructive relationships.
Leslie Vernick is the author of seven books, including the best-selling, ”The Emotionally Destructive Marriage.” She has dedicated her life to cutting through the religious confusion and teaching women to grow in their relationships: with God, with themselves, and with others.
27episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
When Conflict Feels Unsafe: How to Stay Open-Hearted Without Abandoning Yourself
3d ago00:38:21Tap to summarizeWhen Conflict Feels Unsafe: How to Stay Open-Hearted Without Abandoning Yourself Have you ever known the “right” way to communicate, but in the heat of conflict, those tools seem to disappear? In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with psychologist, speaker, and author Dr. Kelly Flanagan to talk about what really happens inside of us when we get triggered—and how one small, sacred moment of choice can shift us from reactivity toward connection. Together, Leslie and Kelly explore why communication often breaks down within us before it breaks down between us, how to recognize when our hearts are closing, and why open-heartedness never means becoming a doormat. This conversation is especially meaningful for women navigating destructive, painful, or confusing relationships who want to grow in wisdom, courage, and Christlike strength without abandoning themselves. Key Takeaways Communication Breaks Down Inside Us First Dr. Flanagan explains that many people already have communication skills, but when they feel threatened, hurt, or misunderstood, they “close the toolbox” right when they need it most. The real work is not just learning better words—it is learning to notice what is happening inside our bodies, hearts, and nervous systems when we become triggered. That moment of awareness creates a pause. And in that pause, we begin to recover our God-given agency to choose a different response. You Can Notice When Your Heart Starts to Close Kelly describes a triggered moment as a process: the nervous system activates, the heart begins to shift into protection mode, and then we make a quick, often unconscious choice about whether to close down or stay open. Leslie connects this with the biblical wisdom of Proverbs: “Above all else, guard your heart.” Guarding your heart does not mean hardening it. It means learning when to pause, when to regulate, and when to make wise choices about what you allow in and what you release. Open-Heartedness Does Not Mean Weak Boundaries One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is the distinction between an open heart and a lack of boundaries. Dr. Flanagan reminds listeners that the condition of your heart is an inner posture, while boundaries are outer actions. An open heart does not make your boundaries weaker—it makes them wiser. For women in destructive or emotionally unsafe relationships, this is crucial. Christlike love does not require self-abandonment, enabling, or pretending harm is not happening. Calm Yourself Before You Try to Connect Conflict escalates when we try to calm ourselves by controlling someone else’s behavior. Kelly uses the illustration of a furnace: when the “control board” inside us is malfunctioning, we often try to change the weather outside instead of tending to what is happening inside. Before we can connect well, we must first regulate. That may mean taking a break, breathing, praying, going to another room, or simply saying, “I’m triggered right now, and I need a little time before I can respond well.” Your Growth Is Never Wasted Leslie and Kelly offer hope for the woman who has tried everything to get her husband to communicate better, become safer, or look at himself honestly. While you cannot control another person’s choices, you can still do your own work. Even if the relationship does not heal the way you hoped, God does not waste your growth. As you become more whole, wise, and grounded, you are better equipped to make faithful, courageous decisions about what comes next. Dr. Kelly Flanagan is offering listeners a free video tutorial that walks through the nine-step process from his book, The Road Less Triggered, helping you begin moving from reactivity toward connection. To receive the resource, email: drkellybonus@gmail.com You will also be temporarily subscribed to his online community, The Less Triggered Tribe, with the option to unsubscribe at any time. Friend, being triggered does not mean you are failing. It means something inside of you is asking for care, attention, and wisdom. You do not have to stay stuck in reactivity, fear, silence, or blame. With God’s help, you can learn to pause, regulate, speak truth, set wise boundaries, and grow into a more whole version of yourself. You are not alone, and even in painful relationships, your healing and growth still matter.
Transcribe →Parenting with Someone Who Is Emotionally or Spiritually Unsafe
2w ago00:28:30Tap to summarizeParenting with Someone Who Is Emotionally or Spiritually Unsafe How do you parent well when the other parent is manipulative, emotionally unsafe, spiritually abusive, addictive, or simply unwilling to grow? It’s one of the most painful and exhausting realities many women face after separation, divorce, or even within a difficult marriage. In this powerful conversation, Leslie is joined by Michael and Kristin Cary of Living Truth Together to talk honestly about why “friendly co-parenting” is not always realistic—or safe—when the other parent continues destructive patterns. Together, they offer practical boundaries, faith-rooted wisdom, and compassionate guidance for moms who want to protect their children without badmouthing the other parent or getting pulled into more chaos. Key Takeaways Friendly Co-Parenting Isn’t Always Possible—or Safe Many women are told that if they communicate clearly, stay kind, and “do their part,” co-parenting will become peaceful. But when someone was unsafe in the marriage, separation or divorce doesn’t magically make them safe, reasonable, or cooperative. Michael reminds us that issues like sex, money, parenting, addiction, manipulation, and emotional abuse don’t disappear just because a couple is no longer together. In many cases, trying to co-parent closely with an unsafe person only creates more opportunities for harm. Boundaries Protect Your Soul and Reduce Unnecessary Conflict Kristin shares from her own experience of parenting with a toxic ex-spouse and explains how she learned to put strong boundaries around communication. That meant not answering phone calls, avoiding one-on-one texting when possible, using another person in written communication, meeting in public places, and limiting conversations to only what was necessary. These boundaries are not punishment. They are protection. As Leslie points out, when someone has repeatedly shown that engaging with them only brings arrows and harm, wisdom means accepting reality and choosing a safer way forward. Loving Yourself Is Not Unchristian Many women feel an over-spiritualized obligation to keep sacrificing themselves—to answer every question, calm every outburst, defend every accusation, or rescue the unsafe person from his own consequences. But Jesus told us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Kristin names a powerful truth: you have agency now. You have authority over your time, energy, body, and emotional well-being. Sacrifice is beautiful when it leads to life and love, but it is not godly wisdom to continually sacrifice yourself to someone who uses your availability to harm you. You Can’t Fully Protect Your Children, But You Can Equip Them One of the hardest truths for any mother is realizing she cannot completely shield her children from the other parent’s toxicity. Kristin shares the deep surrender of recognizing that God loves her son even more than she does—and that while she can make wise choices, she cannot control everything he experiences. That doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means helping your children recognize what is healthy and unhealthy, teaching them that they have choices, listening without using their pain as a weapon, and helping them build their own safety and discernment over time. Don’t Put Your Children in the Middle When the other parent blames, lies, or spiritually shames you in front of the children, it can be tempting to defend yourself by telling the whole story. But children should not have to carry adult burdens. Kristin offers a wise, age-appropriate response: “Adult problems are really complex, and sometimes adults hurt each other in ways children shouldn’t have to understand. This is not your fault. It is not your responsibility to fix it. I love you.” Leslie adds that if something untrue is said, you can calmly say, “That’s not true. Dad is hurt and angry, and he’s saying some things that aren’t true,” without attacking his character. You Still Need Support, Rest, and Joy Parenting is hard. Parenting in a destructive or broken relationship is even harder. Kristin encourages women to get support, remove nonessentials where possible, and intentionally seek moments of real joy—not numbing or avoiding, but small places of delight and refuge with God. Michael reminds us that self-care does not always require large blocks of time. Sometimes it looks like five minutes in the sunshine, a cup of coffee in prayer, a worship song, or a quiet breath before the next hard thing. Personal Invitation If this episode stirred something in you and you’re wondering, “Where do I even begin?” we want to help you take a clear next step. Download Leslie’s Quickstart Guide to begin gaining clarity, courage, and practical direction for your situation. You don’t have to figure everything out at once. Start with one wise step. Download the Quickstart Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide Friend, your situation may feel impossible, especially when the other parent refuses to change, take responsibility, or become safe. But even if he never changes, you can. You can become the grounded, steady, emotionally healthy anchor your children need. You can stop dancing the old destructive dance. You can seek support, walk in truth, and learn to protect your heart without hardening it. You are not alone. God sees you, He loves your children, and He will give you wisdom for the next right step. Keep walking in truth—one step at a time.
Transcribe →Finding Life, Hope, and Healing After Divorce with Jessica Kastner
May 400:49:06Tap to summarizeFinding Life, Hope, and Healing After Divorce with Jessica Kastner Have you ever wondered if your story is over because your marriage ended? Divorce can feel like a death—of dreams, identity, family, and future. But in this tender and hope-filled conversation, Leslie sits down with author and speaker Jessica Kastner to talk honestly about divorce, grief, shame, healing, and the beautiful truth that God is still writing your story. Jessica shares vulnerably from her own journey through divorce, including the pain of rejection, the temptation to rush into another relationship, and the slow, sacred work of learning that God alone is enough. Together, Leslie and Jessica offer compassion, clarity, and biblical hope for women who feel broken, disqualified, or afraid that life will never feel whole again. Key Takeaways Divorce Is Not Your Identity Jessica reminds women that divorce may be part of your story, but it is not who you are. Your worth is not determined by whether someone chose you, stayed with you, or left you. God created you with purpose, dignity, and calling—and divorce does not cancel that. Grieving Is Necessary Before Rebuilding Too often, women try to numb the pain of divorce through dating, busyness, or distraction. Jessica honestly shares how rushing into relationships after her first divorce kept her from grieving and healing. Her encouragement is clear: give yourself time, sit with God in the pain, and allow Him to become your refuge. You Don’t Need a Man to Be Whole Leslie and Jessica talk about the difference between wanting companionship and needing a relationship in order to be okay. When another person becomes necessary for your worth, security, or identity, they take a place only God can fill. Healing helps you come into any future relationship as a whole adult—not someone looking to be completed. Co-Parenting Requires Grace, Boundaries, and Maturity Divorce creates painful complications, especially when children are involved. Jessica encourages women to focus on the children’s well-being rather than getting caught in power struggles with an ex-spouse. Leslie adds the importance of keeping your side of the street clean through wise boundaries, limited contact when needed, and calm, clear communication. Your Story Is Not Over Whether you remarry someday or remain single, your life still matters. Leslie and Jessica challenge the lie that your “best years” are behind you. With God, you can continue to grow, heal, serve, and become a stronger, wiser, more grounded version of yourself. Personal Invitation Feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Get the Quickstart Guide and take your next step toward clarity, courage, and healing. Download the Quickstart Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide Friend, divorce may feel like the end of everything familiar, but it is not the end of you. God is not surprised by your pain, your questions, or your future. He is near to the brokenhearted, faithful in the wilderness, and able to bring beauty from ashes. You are not disqualified. You are not forgotten. And with God’s help, you can grieve, heal, grow, and step into the next chapter of your life with courage and hope.
Transcribe →When Faith Has Been Used to Keep You Stuck Kelly’s Story of Abuse, Awakening, and Courage
Apr 2000:26:28Tap to summarizeHave you ever wondered whether what you’re living through is really abuse—or if maybe you’ve just been told for so long to “pray harder,” “submit more,” and “be a better wife” that you no longer trust your own reality? In this deeply honest episode, Leslie sits down with Kelly Yazzie, Leslie Vernick & Company’s community manager, to talk about her painful journey through sexual abuse, spiritual manipulation, coercive control, and the long road to clarity and healing. Kelly shares how years of harmful teaching, church responses, and confusion around what God really asks of women kept her trapped in a destructive marriage. But she also offers hope. Through Scripture, truth, support, and courage, Kelly began to reclaim her voice, rebuild her faith, and discover that God does not ask us to suffer our best for someone else’s worst. Key Takeaways Abuse can begin early and still be hard to name Kelly shares that the abuse in her marriage began on her honeymoon, yet it took her years to fully recognize it for what it was. When harmful behavior is wrapped in spiritual language or normalized by church culture, women often question themselves instead of naming the truth. Bad theology can keep women bonded to harm One of the most heartbreaking parts of Kelly’s story is how often she sought help, only to be sent back into danger. This episode shines a light on how distorted teachings about submission, forgiveness, and suffering can be used to pressure women to endure abuse rather than wisely confront it. Biblical submission is not silence, coercion, or one-sided obedience Kelly unpacks how studying Scripture with fresh eyes changed everything for her. She came to see that biblical submission is mutual and rooted in reverence for Christ, not in domination, fear, or forced compliance. Healing begins when confusion starts to lift After discovering her husband’s adultery, Kelly began questioning everything she had been taught. Through Scripture, Leslie’s book The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, and the support of safe women, the fog began to clear and she could finally see the manipulation and control for what it was. You are the one who must choose before God One of the most powerful moments in this episode is Kelly’s reminder that she was the one who had to make the decision about her future. Even when spiritual leaders pressured her toward a certain outcome, she learned that a godly woman must discern, with God’s help, what is true, wise, and necessary for her own safety and stewardship. A Personal Invitation If Kelly’s story stirred something in you and you’re realizing you need clarity, support, and a safer next step, the Quick Start Guide is a wonderful place to begin. It’s designed to help you better understand what’s happening in your relationship, ground yourself in truth, and take wise, practical steps forward. Get the Quick Start Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide Friend, if you have been living under the weight of fear, confusion, or spiritual pressure, please hear this: God sees you. He is not asking you to deny reality in order to be faithful. He is a God of truth, love, wisdom, and light. There is hope for healing. There is freedom on the other side of confusion. And with God’s help, you can reclaim your voice, renew your faith, and take your next step in courage.
Transcribe →Boundaries, Overfunctioning, and Finding Your Voice in Difficult Relationships
Apr 600:44:26Tap to summarizeBoundaries, Overfunctioning, and Finding Your Voice in Difficult Relationships Have you ever tried to set a boundary… only to feel shut down, ignored, or even guilted into backing down? In this honest and practical episode, Leslie is joined by trusted coach Diana Bala to walk through real-life questions women face every day—how to hold boundaries when someone is angry, how to navigate emotionally draining family dynamics, and how to stop overfunctioning in relationships. Together, they offer compassionate wisdom, biblical truth, and actionable steps to help you move from confusion and exhaustion to clarity and courage. Key Takeaways 1. Boundaries Are About Your Actions—Not Controlling Theirs One of the biggest misunderstandings about boundaries is thinking they’re about stopping someone else’s behavior. They’re not. Boundaries are about what you will do when someone behaves in a way that feels unsafe or unhealthy. Instead of saying, “You can’t yell at me,” a healthier boundary is: “I’m not willing to stay in this conversation when you’re yelling.” This shift empowers you to take responsibility for your own well-being. 2. Staying Grounded When Emotions Escalate When someone raises their voice or pressures you, your body naturally reacts. You may feel anxious, frozen, or overwhelmed—and that’s normal. Learning to regulate yourself in those moments—through grounding, breathing, and staying focused on your boundary—helps you avoid getting pulled into circular arguments. You don’t have to respond to every accusation; you can calmly repeat your boundary and disengage. 3. Small Boundaries Still Count (And Build Courage) If strong, direct boundaries feel unsafe or overwhelming, start small. Even saying, “I can’t talk right now,” or taking a break can be a powerful first step. These small shifts begin to change the dynamic. They also give you valuable information about how safe the relationship truly is—and whether additional support or a safety plan may be needed. 4. You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Reactions This is one of the hardest truths to accept: people may feel disappointed, angry, or upset when you set a boundary—and that doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Just as Jesus didn’t say “yes” to everyone, you are allowed to honor your limits. You can be kind and empathetic toward someone’s feelings without taking responsibility for managing them. 5. Overfunctioning Keeps Others From Growing Overfunctioning often comes from a good heart—but it can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and imbalance. It may even prevent others from stepping into their own responsibilities. Ask yourself: What am I getting out of this? and Is this actually helping—or enabling? Letting go of overfunctioning means setting internal boundaries first—deciding what you will and won’t carry—and then consistently following through, even when it feels uncomfortable. If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, draining, or even destructive, you don’t have to figure this out alone. The CONQUER Membership is a safe, faith-based space designed specifically for Christian women who want clarity, healing, and practical support. Inside, you’ll find biblical teaching, live coaching, and a community of women walking a similar path. 👉 Learn more here: https://leslievernick.com/membership Friend, learning to set boundaries isn’t about becoming harsh or unkind—it’s about becoming whole. God cares deeply about your dignity, your safety, and your well-being. As you begin to take even small steps toward honoring yourself, you are also stepping closer to the life of peace and freedom He desires for you. You are not alone in this journey. With courage, practice, and God’s guidance, change is possible.
Transcribe →Healing After Betrayal – Moving from Broken to Brave with Tammy Gustafson
Mar 2300:47:15Tap to summarizeHealing After Betrayal – Moving from Broken to Brave with Tammy Gustafson Have you ever done everything you were told a “good Christian wife” should do—pray harder, forgive quickly, submit more—only to find yourself deeply betrayed and wondering where God is in the middle of it all? In this powerful conversation, Leslie sits down with counselor, speaker, and author Tammy Gustafson to talk honestly about betrayal trauma and the unique struggles Christian women face when their marriages are shattered by infidelity or sexual betrayal. Together, they unpack the spiritual confusion, misplaced responsibility, and emotional pain many women carry—and offer a path toward courageous, honest healing. If you’ve ever felt trapped between your faith and your pain, this episode will help you find clarity, permission, and hope for moving from broken to brave. Key Takeaways When Faith Messages Keep Women Stuck Many Christian women struggle to heal after betrayal because of harmful messages they’ve internalized—messages about submission, silence, and being responsible for their husband’s behavior. These teachings can make women feel small, guilty, or spiritually obligated to ignore their own pain. True healing requires untangling these distortions and rediscovering the heart of God, who sees and cares about the pain of betrayal. Anger Is Not the Enemy—It’s Part of Healing Anger is a normal and healthy response to betrayal. In fact, it’s often the energy that empowers women to set boundaries, find their voice, and begin healing. Tammy explains the difference between healthy anger, which helps us process grief, and rage, which harms. Suppressing anger often keeps women stuck, while honestly expressing it can move healing forward. Why His Healing Can’t Be Your Job After betrayal, many women instinctively focus on their husband’s shame, regret, or recovery. But this often stops the healing process. Tammy explains that true restoration begins when each person stays in their own “shoes”—the betrayer doing the hard work of repentance and change, and the betrayed partner focusing on her own healing. When that balance is restored, real transformation becomes possible. Forgiveness Has a Process—And It Can’t Be Forced Many Christian women are pressured to forgive quickly, but premature forgiveness can actually shut down the healing process. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the betrayal was okay, and it doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. Instead, forgiveness usually comes after truth-telling, grieving, and processing anger. When women allow healing to unfold in the right order, forgiveness becomes freeing rather than forced. Brave Healing Requires Strength and Self-Honor Moving from broken to brave means stepping into your God-given worth and refusing to minimize the harm done to you. It means honoring your grief, setting boundaries, and recognizing that you deserve safety, honesty, and respect. Though this path may feel unfamiliar—or even selfish—it is often the courageous step toward real healing and freedom. If this conversation resonates with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate these questions by yourself. If you’re wondering whether what you’re experiencing is actually abuse—even if there’s no physical violence—I invite you to join my upcoming workshop: Conquer Workshop: If He Doesn’t Hit Me, Is It Still Abuse? God Cares. Register here: https://leslievernick.com/masterclass This workshop will help you understand what healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics really look like—and what God says about your safety, dignity, and well-being. Tammy is also offering a powerful resource for women navigating betrayal recovery: To access the freebie, click here: https://betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/webinar-series-her-work/?coupon=LVFREE26 Her training will help you understand what helps—and what hurts—the healing process after betrayal. Friend, if you are walking through the devastation of betrayal right now, please hear this: your pain matters, and God sees it. Healing may take time. It may require courage you didn’t know you had. But you are not alone, and this painful chapter does not have to define the rest of your story. With God’s help, wisdom, and the right support, it is possible to move from brokenness to strength—from confusion to clarity—and from despair to hope. And I’m cheering you on every step of the way.
Transcribe →Finding Hope in the Deepest Pain
Mar 900:34:36Tap to summarizeFinding Hope in the Deepest Pain What happens when the unthinkable becomes your reality—and yet you still choose faith? In today’s deeply moving episode, Leslie sits down with Hope Hooton, a courageous mother, advocate, and follower of Jesus whose life changed forever in May 2024 when her two children, Alec and Lydia, were tragically killed during court-ordered visitation with their father. In the midst of unspeakable grief, Hope has chosen to trust God and use her voice to protect other children. Through her testimony, advocacy, and new memoir releasing today, Hope reminds us that even in devastating loss, God’s presence can still be found—and that purpose can rise from the deepest pain. Key Takeaways Recognizing the Red Flags of Abuse Looking back, Hope can now clearly see the warning signs in her marriage—manipulation, gaslighting, emotional control, financial abuse, and power struggles. Abuse rarely starts dramatically; it often unfolds subtly over time. Naming these patterns is the first step toward protecting yourself and your children. When Systems Fail to Protect Children Despite documented domestic violence and severe mental illness, the court granted Hope’s husband unsupervised visitation with their young children. This devastating decision highlights a heartbreaking reality many mothers face: the family court system often prioritizes parental rights over child safety. Faith That Holds in the Darkest Night After losing her children, Hope’s life as she knew it disappeared overnight. Yet in her grief, she clung tightly to God’s presence—spending time in prayer, journaling, and meditating on Scripture. Proverbs 3:5–6 became her lifeline: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Turning Tragedy Into Purpose Hope refused to allow her children’s story to end in silence. Through her social media platform Hope In The Pain, she shares encouragement, faith, and the reality of walking through grief with God. She also hosts the Voices Against Filicide Podcast, raising awareness about domestic violence, the abuse cycle, and cases of child homicide across the country. Honoring Alec and Lydia Through Advocacy Hope is now working with Arizona lawmakers to create stronger protections for children in custody cases. Her advocacy is helping bring critical attention to how family courts handle domestic violence and mental illness when making custody decisions. Resources Mentioned Hope’s New Memoir is Available TODAY (March 9): There's Still Hope: A Journey of Adversity, Tragedy, and Unbreakable Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/1969338903 Arizona Legislation Honoring Alec & Lydia Arizona legislation HB2995 has already passed the Arizona House of Representatives and is now moving forward to the Arizona Senate. This bill, referred to as The Alec and Lydia Act, aims to strengthen protections for children in family court cases by ensuring judges receive training in domestic violence, coercive control, trauma response, and mental illness when making custody decisions. Please join us in praying that this legislation passes the Arizona Senate, helping protect vulnerable children and families across the state. Hope’s Podcast: Voices Against Filicide Follow Hope on Social Media: Hope In The Pain (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube) Hope’s Links and Advocacy Resources: https://linktr.ee/hopeinthepain?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=ccf41026-a8de-4055-9869-c221b71b91bf Personal Invitation If today’s conversation resonated with you—if you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship is simply difficult, deeply disappointing, or actually destructive—clarity is the first step toward wisdom and safety. Leslie has created a free resource to help you understand what you’re dealing with and what healthy next steps might look like. Download the Relationship Quick Start Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide This guide will help you discern the difference between difficult, disappointing, and destructive relationships, and begin moving forward with truth, courage, and biblical wisdom. Hope’s story is a reminder that even when life breaks our hearts in unimaginable ways, God has not abandoned us. Pain may be part of our story, but it is never the end of it. If you are walking through grief, fear, or confusion today, remember this: God sees you, He is near to the brokenhearted, and with His help you can take the next step forward. There is still hope.
Transcribe →Who Has God Called You to Be? Rediscovering Your Identity Beyond Your Role
Feb 2300:32:08Tap to summarizeHave you ever looked in the mirror and quietly wondered, “Who am I really?” Not what you do. Not the roles you play. Not what others expect of you. But who you truly are. In this deeply honest and hope-filled conversation, I’m joined again by our team coach, Susan King, as we explore what Scripture says about your identity—not just your duties. Together, we unpack how Christian women—especially those in destructive or emotionally unhealthy marriages—lose their sense of self and how to begin reclaiming the woman God created you to be. If you’ve been pretending things are “fine” when they aren’t, this episode will gently guide you back to truth, clarity, and courage. Key Takeaways 1. You Are Called to Be, Not Just to Do So many women are taught their role—wife, mom, helper—but not their identity. Yet Scripture tells us something far deeper. You are God’s handiwork (Ephesians 2:10). You are a chosen daughter, a royal priesthood, set apart and beloved. Before you accomplish anything, before you serve anyone, your identity is secure in Christ. When we begin reading the Bible not as a rulebook but as a mirror—asking, “What does this say about who God is and who I am?”—everything changes. 2. If You’ve Been Pretending, It’s Time to Come Home to Yourself One brave listener asked, “How do I find out who I am? I feel like I’ve been pretending most of my life.” If that’s you, start here: What have you been pretending to be? What would change if you stopped pretending? What virtues reflect who you truly are? Your identity is not your temporary emotions. It’s not others’ opinions. It’s rooted in your God-given character and values. Notice when you lose track of time because you’re fully alive. Notice what brings you joy. Notice what stirs your heart. These clues aren’t selfish—they’re sacred. 3. Why So Many Christian Women Lose Themselves In destructive or controlling marriages, women often experience subtle erosion—constant undermining, gaslighting, or isolation. Over time, they internalize the belief that their thoughts, needs, and feelings don’t matter. But even in “good” marriages, many women self-abandon. We’ve been taught that becoming “one” means losing ourselves. That loving means over-functioning. That serving means silencing our voice. That is not biblical oneness. That is erasure. Healthy oneness honors two whole people—each with a voice, a body, and a soul. 4. Caring for Yourself Is Stewardship, Not Selfishness So many women struggle with shame when they begin asking, “What do I need?” But Scripture never calls you to neglect yourself. Jesus modeled rest, solitude, nourishment, and boundaries. Stewarding your one precious life is not self-absorption—it’s obedience. When your tank is empty, you cannot love wisely. Putting your oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish; it’s responsible. Ask yourself: What brought me joy today? What drained me? What small change would help me show up as my best self? Small awareness leads to big transformation. 5. “He’s Fine”… But You’re Not One of the most painful dynamics women describe is this: “My husband acts like everything is fine. And I start doubting myself.” Here’s the truth: Things may genuinely be fine for him. But that doesn’t mean they’re fine for you. You are allowed to be a separate self with separate experiences. Instead of arguing about whether things are “really fine,” try saying: “I understand that this feels okay to you. But it’s not okay for me. And that matters.” Healthy love cares when something isn’t fine for the other person. If you’re realizing that you’ve lost sight of who you are… If you’ve been stuck pretending… If you feel erased in your own life… You don’t have to figure this out alone. Join Walking in CORE Strength, our transformational program designed to help you rediscover your voice, rebuild your confidence, and grow strong from the inside out—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Learn more and join here: 👉 https://leslievernick.com/strong Sweet friend, you are not just a role. You are not invisible. You are not too much—or not enough. You are God’s beloved daughter. Even if you’ve been pretending for years, it is not too late to come home to yourself. With God’s help and a little courage, you can grow into the strong, dignified, wise woman He created you to be. You are not alone. And change is possible. Until next time, take gentle care of your heart.
Transcribe →When Faith Meets Reality: Accepting the Truth About an Abusive Marriage
Feb 1000:53:55Tap to summarizeHave you ever thought you finally met the right one—only to discover, painfully, that everything he said was a lie? In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with media expert and speaker Beverly Hallberg to unpack her harrowing journey through a deceptive and destructive marriage. From whirlwind courtship to abuse behind closed doors, Beverly opens up about the spiritual confusion, grief, and courage it took to get free—and the God who never left her. This is an episode every woman navigating confusing relationship dynamics needs to hear. Key Takeaways “He Wasn’t Who He Said He Was”: The Power of Deception Beverly shares how her abuser cloaked himself in faith, family values, and kindness—appearing to be the ideal match. But soon after the wedding, the mask dropped. She explains how yellow flags were hidden in grief, charm, and shared spiritual language, making discernment incredibly difficult. → You’re not foolish if you didn’t see it. These relationships are built on intentional deceit. When Abuse is Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual From subtle sabotage to explosive rage and spiritual manipulation, Beverly's marriage wasn’t just disappointing—it was destructive. She bravely recounts the patterns of control, harm, and gaslighting that unraveled her emotionally and physically. → Abuse is not just about bruises. It’s about patterns that diminish, devalue, and destroy. God Doesn’t Value Marriage Over Safety Wrestling with Scripture and shame, Beverly found clarity in truth: God cares more about the people in the marriage than preserving the institution at all costs. Biblical wisdom and wise counsel helped her see that staying would harm not just her—but enable his sin. → God does not call you to stay in harm’s way to keep a vow someone else already broke. Healing Isn’t Linear—but It’s Real Beverly shares her long road back to emotional and spiritual wholeness. From losing her in-laws to enduring an ectopic pregnancy alone, her healing came through community, Scripture, and reclaiming her voice. → You can heal. It takes time, safe people, and honesty—but freedom is possible. To the Woman Who Feels Stuck: You Are Not Alone Speaking directly to women who may not have the resources or support Beverly did, she offers wisdom on safety planning, building a support system, and why even one safe parent can make all the difference for children. → The first step is to tell someone. God will meet you as you take that step. Personal Invitation If Beverly’s story hit close to home, you might be wondering, How am I supposed to be OK, when he's not? That’s a critical question, and you don’t have to answer it alone. Leslie is offering a free, faith-based webinar designed to give you the clarity and confidence to take your next right step. During this free training, we will cover: How to clearly define your problem, the other person’s problem (at least in your opinion), and the problem in your relationship. The difference between love that’s motivated by fear and love that’s motivated by freedom—and what it takes to make the switch. How to listen beneath the surface of nice words, flattery, and love bombing to discern what’s true so that you can make good choices going forward. How to build your own internal strength so that his weaknesses—or yours—don’t get the best of you. ...and much more. Reserve your spot now: https://leslievernick.com/problem Beloved, God sees. He sees your tears, your confusion, your exhaustion—and He cares. You are not alone, and you are not beyond hope. No matter how deep the pain or how tangled the web, God is a God of truth, healing, and freedom. You don’t have to figure it all out today. Just take the next brave step. You were made for more than survival. You were made to live in peace, truth, and safety. Watch Mike Winger’s message on abuse and divorce: View Here
Transcribe →When Should I Talk to a Lawyer (Even If I'm Not Planning to Divorce?)
Jan 2800:26:05Tap to summarizeWhen Should I Talk to a Lawyer (Even If I'm Not Planning to Divorce?) Have you ever wondered if reaching out to a lawyer makes you disloyal—or unfaithful—to your marriage or to God? Many Christian women in painful or destructive relationships fear that even considering legal advice is a betrayal. But today’s episode is here to shine light on the truth: seeking legal counsel doesn’t mean you’re filing for divorce—it means you’re taking wise, informed steps to protect yourself, your children, and your peace of mind. Leslie welcomes back trusted friend and family law attorney Maryann Modesti, who brings over 30 years of experience and gospel-centered wisdom to this critical conversation. Whether you're feeling stuck, scared, or simply unsure of what’s next, this episode will empower you to walk in truth, courage, and godly stewardship—without shame. Key Takeaways 1. Seeking Legal Counsel is Not a Sin Talking to a lawyer does not equal filing for divorce. It's a step toward wisdom, clarity, and stewardship. God calls us to seek truth, especially when we’re confused or afraid. Consulting a lawyer allows you to understand your rights and responsibilities and prepares you for whatever path you may need to take next. 2. Red Flags That Signal It’s Time to Get Information Subtle but destructive behaviors—like isolation, financial control, hidden assets, gaslighting, or coercion—can erode your identity and safety. If you're constantly doubting yourself or feel emotionally trapped, it's time to seek clarity from a legal professional—even if you're not ready to leave. 3. Delay Can Have Serious Consequences Waiting too long can cost you financially, emotionally, and relationally—especially when children are involved. Without legal awareness, women risk losing financial control, custody advantages, and personal agency. Abuse often escalates, and silence can cause deeper damage over time. 4. Choose the Right Kind of Lawyer Look for integrity, experience, and someone who truly listens and understands the nuances of covert abuse, religious manipulation, or controlling behaviors. A trustworthy attorney doesn’t just fight—she counsels, balances wisdom with practicality, and helps you discern the cost of peace over the cost of war. 5. You’re Not Being Ungodly—You’re Being Wise God cares deeply about your safety, your sanity, and the well-being of your children. Seeking legal counsel is part of being a faithful steward of the life, resources, and role God has entrusted to you. Truth is never the enemy of faith—it is the foundation of it. Need Help Navigating These Hard Realities? If someone else’s behaviors are affecting your peace, we invite you to our free webinar: I'm Not Okay When You're Not Okay You’ll learn how to set healthy emotional boundaries, recognize what's yours to carry, and protect your well-being even when others don’t change. You Are Not Alone If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember this: gathering information is not rebellion—it’s wisdom. You don’t have to make big decisions today, but you do deserve to understand your options. God is with you in this process. He is for your dignity, your healing, and your future. You are not powerless—you are being equipped. And we’re walking with you.
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