Khadijah Glows Up Without Us

Summary

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ReLiving Single — "Khadijah Glows Up Without Us" (October 29, 2025)

Podcast: ReLiving Single

Hosts: Erika Alexander & Kim Coles

Episode Focus: Living Single S1E24 — “Love Is a Many Splendored Thing”

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Overview

On this lively, heartfelt episode, Erika Alexander and Kim Coles revisit Season 1, Episode 24 of Living Single, where Khadijah (played by Queen Latifah) tumbles headfirst into a romance with teacher Alonzo, inadvertently sidelining her friends. While delivering inside stories and their signature comic wisdom, the hosts also dive deep into themes of self-love, friendship, modern relationships, masculine identity, emotional intimacy, and more, as they tie the show’s storylines to current issues in Black culture and society at large.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Episode Recap and Thematic Setup (03:17–06:10)

• Plot Summary:
  • A-story: Khadijah finds a passionate match in new boyfriend Alonzo, but neglects her friendships.
  • B-story: Kyle and Overton struggle with the idea of neutering their dog, leading to hilarious—and unexpectedly deep—conversations about masculinity.
• Behind-the-Scenes Gems:
  • Directed by Henry Chan (the show’s former editor!).
  • Guest star Adam Lazar White as Alonzo.

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2. On Love, Self-Love, and Healthy Relationships (01:14–02:28)

• G.I.F.T.S. Acronym for Fulfillment (Erika Alexander, 01:35):
  • “Gratitude, intention, forgiveness, triumphs, and self love… These are key pillars in life. We can't have healthy relationships with others unless we have healthy relationships with ourselves.”
• Kim’s Comic Spin on Modern Connection (02:12):
  • “I asked this guy how he connects with people, and he said, bluetooth. But now I'm ghosted. And my toaster is in love with him.”

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3. Dissecting Khadijah’s Romance & Group Dynamics (06:16–13:33)

• Alonzo’s Appeal:
  • Hosts gush over his intelligence, community focus, and charm.
  • “He’d be a great match for her. Solid… Down with the community.” (A, 05:42–05:54)
• Fast-Forwarded Infatuation:
  • Khadijah is blissfully swept up, her friends feeling sidelined.
  • Erika: “Do you think it's moving too fast?” (13:01)
  • Kim: “That’s the way it's supposed to move… You literally are being driven to bond.” (13:09)
• Friendship Friction:
  • Khadijah stands up her girls for Alonzo. Sinclair feels especially left out.
  • “Stood up by their girl because they've been replaced by a lover.” (A, 15:20)
  • “Were they more upset they didn’t get to grill him, or that they missed their friend?” (A, 15:34)

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4. Relating On-Screen Stories to Real Life (15:55–17:56, 19:05–20:42)

• Shape-Shifting for Love:
  • Erika admits: “Oh, absolutely. I've shape-shifted. Because you’re trying to fit yourself into a pretzel to make this relationship.” (15:58)
• Balancing Friendship & Romance:
  • “If you over-index on something and something falls out, maybe that speaks to your… health.” (B, 19:21)
  • The importance of integrating friends—and not losing oneself—when in a new relationship.

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5. Masculinity & the Dog Neutering Plot (24:08–25:17)

• Comic Relief, Real Resonance:
  • Overton and Kyle’s dog-centric subplot elicits a conversation about societal views on masculinity and vulnerability.
  • “They viscerally reacted to it… Ultimately it’s about masculinity, not the dog’s masculinity.” (A, 24:08–24:49)
  • “All these pressures. There’s so many ways that manhood can be taken—meaning, a sense of pride, to be able to provide for your family.” (A, 24:49)

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6. Loneliness, Connection, and Modern Dating Challenges (25:17–36:14)

• Loneliness Epidemic Among Men:
  • Kim: “There’s this thing they’re calling the male loneliness epidemic.” (24:49)
  • Erika & Kim explore links to mentorship, digital life (“These machines are diabolical. They give you the world, but take you away from yourself.” – B, 25:41)
• Tech & Disconnection:
  • Over-reliance on texting and social media creates surface-level bonds.
  • “For them, it’s like a 24-hour sports arena… ends up in rude behavior, ghosting.” (B, 27:56)
• Emotional Intelligence:
  • Story of T.C. Carson (Kyle in the show) preferring a call over a text as a reminder of deeper emotional bonds (28:11).
• Opting Out & Redefining Roles:
  • Some women taking "dating sabbaticals" for self-preservation.
  • “Maybe there are men finding out that, hey, I don’t necessarily have to be a dad. I’m an adventurer…” (B, 29:43)
• Intersectional Experiences:
  • Extra challenges for Black, Brown, LGBTQ, and low-income men (“face compounded versions of this crisis due to racism, homophobia, and structural inequality.” – B, 31:33)
• Healthy Intimacy:
  • “Embrace intimacy with yourself, and then emotional intimacy. And do the work.” (A, 32:49)
  • “Women must allow men to be vulnerable, and don’t use it against them.” (B, 33:00)

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7. Advice—Connection, Boundaries, & Self-Discovery (34:00–37:00)

• Advice for Listeners:
  • “Awareness is everything. Even these conversations… Spend some quiet time reflecting.” (A, 34:00)
  • “Silence is connection.” (B, 34:24)
  • “Separate your emotions from your identity. I feel anger, not I am angry.” (A, 35:04–35:39)
  • “Make a pact for safe space in relationships. Trust yourself first.” (A, 36:14)
• Healthy Masculinity & Receiving as a Strength:
  • “For women, you can also be soft and strong at the same time… We create so much, but we have to receive so that we can create, literally.” (A, 37:00)

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8. Fan Question: Advice for Young Actors (38:23–42:49)

• Khloe (15) asks about character development & discomfort.
• Kim: “This is a corporate structure. We are entertainment for the commercials. It’s not the opposite.” (B, 39:00)
• Erika: “Live. Have experiences… Don’t just take acting classes—try pottery, dance, baton twirling. Live life safely and use those experiences.” (A, 40:53)
• Kim praises Beyonce’s ‘Sasha Fierce’ method of creating safe emotional distance for performing outside your comfort zone.
• “Remember you are a brand. Decide early what your integrity level is going to be.” (A, 41:41)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Modern Disconnection and Technology:
  “These machines are diabolical. They give you the world, but take you away from yourself.” (B, 25:41)
• On Balancing Romance and Friendships:
  “If you over-index on something and something falls out, maybe that speaks to your… health.” (B, 19:21)
• On Vulnerability in Men:
  “If a man gives you that vulnerability, gives you that gift, you must be a safe space for him.” (A, 33:02)
• On Emotional Awareness:
  “Separate your emotions from the identity of you. I feel anger—not I am angry.” (A, 35:04)
• On Growing as Both an Artist and Person:
  “Fight to keep your light. Whatever spiritual practice—protect that fiercely.” (A, 42:48)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:17] — Episode summary and deep-dive into themes
• [06:10–06:54] — Meet Alonzo; discussion of his representation
• [13:01] — Is it love or lust? Pacing new romance
• [19:05] — Khadijah’s apology scene and friendship repair
• [24:08] — Masculinity and the “snip snip” subplot
• [25:17] — The “male loneliness epidemic” and societal pressure
• [27:56] — Effects of technology on connection and dating
• [33:00] — Allowing and honoring male vulnerability
• [34:00] — Practical self-connection/awareness strategies
• [38:23] — “True Blue” fan question and advice for young actors

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Tone & Style

• Warm, witty, deeply personal, and richly reflective — mixing love for Living Single's history with honest real-talk on contemporary life and relationships, always laced with Erika and Kim’s infectious camaraderie and humor.

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Conclusion

This episode shines as a blend of nostalgia and meaningful commentary, using Khadijah’s romantic arc as a springboard to explore self-love, friendship, Black excellence, masculinity, dating, and emotional intelligence in the modern world. “Khadijah Glows Up Without Us” is a celebration of living—and loving—single, together.

Transcript

[A]

Coming up on Reliving Single has workaholic.

[B]

Khadijah finally found her Match. Match. Match. Match.

[A]

Match. Match. Match. Is Khadijah blinded by love?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. Thank you. Next clip.

[B]

I know that's right.

[A]

Snip. Oh, wow.

[B]

Somebody who's wanted to chat me up. I said, look, if you want to ask me out, ask me out.

[A]

It's like, come on, you know you want to take me out. Let's just go do this.

[B]

What is it gonna be? And then I know what it is, and I'll decide, and most of the time, I'll probably say no. So you're gonna have to ask several times. Diabolical. They give you the world, but take you away from yourself. My God.

[A]

Drop a gym. Drop a gym.

[B]

Drop a gym hard.

[A]

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Reliving Single, the official unofficial Living Single rewatch podcast.

[B]

Hey, Living Single.

[A]

What about Living Single?

[B]

Living Single.

[A]

We're here to talk all about it.

[B]

Yeah, it was about extraordinary relationships. It really was. At least that's what Yvette Lee Bowser says. And the character spent a lot of time searching and building relationships with men. Now, I could ask Siri, but I'm gonna ask you. Cause you're a relationship expert, aren't you? I mean, healthy relationships and. And with others and connection. How do you date? How do you love?

[A]

The missing link is love of self. That you gotta love yourself. You gotta put the work into yourself. You know, I've talked before about my acronym G, I, F, T S. The gifts, gratitude, intention, forgiveness, triumphs, and self love. I love that these are the keys, you know, key pillars in life. Being grateful for what already is. Being intentional or being in inspired action, forgiving all the past stuff. We could spend a lot of time on that. And standing triumphantly in your truth and allowing self love. And I think we can't have healthy relationships with others unless we have healthy relationships with ourselves.

[B]

I love it. I don't know if I'm any good at it at all. I asked this guy how he connects with people, and he said, bluetooth. But now I'm ghosted. And my toaster, my toaster is in love with him. So, you know, that's what that is.

[A]

Hey, Bluetooth is one way. Yeah, well, speaking of connecting, Erica, are you ready to get into today's episode and get connected?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know. Let's ask Siri.

[A]

Oh, you know, I've always wanted a black Siri. How about Sharisha? Hey, Sharisha, you ready?

[B]

Let's do this.

[A]

Hey, she ready? She ready?

[B]

Let's do this.

[A]

Those who lead deserve a car that leads with them.

[B]

Because a car that doesn't move you.

[A]

Is a car that falls short of amazing.

[B]

That's the Lexus standard. The standard.

[A]

Amazing. It's time for the rewind where we watch and relive living single with you.

[B]

We're Into Living Single. Season 1, Episode 24 Love is a mini splendored thing thing. But splintered thing in Yvette Lee Bowser's hands. And here's the a story. Khadijah's got a boyfriend, a sexy school teacher named Alonzo. And she's so caught up in the rapture that she begins to ghost her friends. Ain't that a thing? Her friends are annoyed and let.

[A]

And the B story is that Kyle and Overton faced the uncomfortable task of neutering their dog. Snip, snip, snip. Written by Lori Kimbrough. Directed by Henry Chan. Henry Chan was actually our editor. And on this episode he actually was our director, which is wonderful. And we have Adam Lazar White as Alonzo Ford. Very good looking.

[B]

He's from the Temptations, the Parkers, and Young and Restless. All right.

[A]

So sweet. He was a good guy. Good guy to work with. Let's take a look at them in action now.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Please.

[B]

My Students call me Mr. Ford.

[A]

I'm Alonzo.

[B]

Okay, Alonzo.

[A]

I hope you don't mind.

[B]

I like my interviews to be accurate. No, not at all. You look fine. The tape recorder can't see you. Well, that's too bad. Cause I'm having a good hair day. Any other program. The other program combines dinner, dancing and hopefully you. Are you asking me out on a date? Because it's on the record. Are you saying yes? Because the public has a right to know. We're back at Flavor magazine and Khadijah's once again buried under deadlines. We know her to do that. Enter her latest interview. Alonzo Ford. A dreamy, brainy teacher of the year. Alonzo Sharpe. He's socially conscious and he's clearly sweet on Khadijah. And he wastes no time asking her out. Has workaholic Khadijah finally found her? Match Match Match Match.

[A]

Match.

[B]

Match.

[A]

Match. Well, he's an excellent man. Teacher of the year. So that says so much about him. Not to mention that he is so easy on the eyes. I love that gray shock of hair.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which is.

[B]

He is. Makes him look like some black wizard. Do your magic on me, Alonzo.

[A]

Come on, now. Abracadabra. Yeah, but you good looking, intelligent.

[B]

He's a good candidate for.

[A]

I think he's a great candidate because he's intelligent, because he's about something. Because he loves the kids, because he's carrying himself in a way. And he would be a great match for her. Solid. A solid match.

[B]

He's down with the community.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And listen, I mean, she's interviewing him. That means it's come to her attention that this man is worthy of some sort of feature in her magazine.

[A]

And that he is right away asking her out in a very classy, sexy way, you know? Well, it's on the record.

[B]

I know, but was it professional? Do you think that that was right?

[A]

I don't think it's unprofessional.

[B]

Meaning. Take your shot.

[A]

Take your shot.

[B]

Take your shot.

[A]

He's met a powerful, beautiful woman who's doing things. Oh, yeah. Take your shot.

[B]

Have you ever been asked out by a colleague?

[A]

I used to have phone conversations with Michael Clark Duncan. Y' all know Michael Clarke Duncan did our security Living Single? Yes, he did. He just. We would have these conversations, but we never went out.

[B]

Were you doing that during Living Single?

[A]

No, just like. Just conversations on the phone.

[B]

I was at the craft food table getting a cracker. You were out there getting.

[A]

We never went on a date. We never. We were just talking. He had been our security guard, and we were about to break for the hiatus, and he said, hey, guys, just wanna let you know, I booked a movie. Like, oh, Michael, that's great. This is awesome. Yes. With Bruce Willis. Like, what?

[B]

You doing a movie with Ben Affleck?

[A]

That's it. Ben Affleck. Oh, my God, Michael, this is great.

[B]

He said, yeah, we see you. We going for a break. Hiatus, right?

[A]

And we'll see you in August. So see you in August, Michael.

[B]

All right.

[A]

All right. Y' all take care. Go to see the movie. And it's Armageddon.

[B]

It's Armageddon.

[A]

I remember going to the movie with my then boyfriend and crying. He's like, well, why are you crying? Like, Cause Michael ended up alive at the end. Cause they usually cl.

[B]

We all thought he was gonna die because he was a black dude.

[A]

Cause they killed the black dude.

[B]

He actually made it.

[A]

He ended up alive. Why are you crying? The world is. You know. Because he thought I was crying. Cause the world was gonna end. Like, no, Michael ended up alive at the end. And I knew then we would never see him again. Why would he come and be a security guard?

[B]

No, why? Like, hey, girls, I got this movie.

[A]

Yeah, like, oh, good for you. Good for you.

[B]

So it just shows a lot of great juju on that set. Living single set. And our security guard, the great Michael Clark. Duncan, outside of chatting with you a little bit, turned out to be Hollywood royalty. And you wanted to rent a movie. Alonzo, this is Regine Overton. Kyle, Max, and you remember Sinclair. No, they don't.

[A]

You people say.

[B]

And he's in heat. I like that in a man.

[A]

That would be our dog. You guys, he's been howling for weeks. When are you gonna get him fixed?

[B]

Fixed?

[A]

Not even you could relish the thought of such an awful procedure.

[B]

Okay, snip, snip.

[A]

What you doing? I was putting his number and speed down. Here we are back at the brownstone. Khadijah and Alonzo cozy up on a hot date when the whole crew barges in. Awkward. Alonzo exits, but the room is still steamy. Cue a dramatic howl from Kyle and Overton's new dog, Sandra. He's in heat. Regine suggested that he needs to be neutered, but the fellas aren't having it. If you notice, they cross their legs at the same time. Meanwhile, Khadijah, despite her cool demeanor, is all smiles. And as proof, she puts Alonzo on speed dial.

[B]

Come on. Come on. They had a hot date.

[A]

They were mackin. They were mackin'. Yeah, it was sweet. It is very sweet.

[B]

Very sweet.

[A]

They have a sweet kiss, and of course, we all walk in at the same time. They all stare. And I like how we all sort of circle him in circ.

[B]

I love it. And, you know, and make her feel awkward, because that's what friends do. But you know what? It was a beautiful kiss. It was a nasty.

[A]

It was. No, not at all. And, you know, I always say that. Well, I had a girl scout leader, a Puerto Rican girl scout leader, who taught me as a young woman that when guys kiss on you, they're gonna want a little bit more. And so she used to say that kissing leads to fucking. Like farting leads to shitting. So just be very aware that when you're gonna get these kisses, you let these guys kiss on you. Just know that they're thinking about something as a true story.

[B]

Speaking of farting, you know, dogs, you. That dog is howling. Howling.

[A]

So is that what happens? I don't know enough about dogs.

[B]

I'm a dog person. So when a dog is in heat or smells someone in heat, like it's a boy dog, it will want to go and find that dog.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And mates because we are all animals for real. And so they have to go out there, so it needs to be spayed. And when they aren't, it's very miserable for them. And so it's a real thing.

[A]

This snip sniper. Now did both folks snip snip. Oh, wow.

[B]

So any Khadijah sightings?

[A]

Nope. Last night she and Alonzo celebrated their three week anniversary.

[B]

And she stayed at his place.

[A]

No, wait, wait a minute. That was Monday. No, last night they celebrated the anniversary.

[B]

Of the first time they spoke on the phone.

[A]

And tonight they're celebrating Tuesday. Y', all, what's up?

[B]

I can't talk.

[A]

I gotta change. Alonzo's waiting for me in the car. I can't.

[B]

Well, I'm caught up. How about you? Ooh. Feel like I was there.

[A]

I mean, the girl is in love. Shoot, if it was one of us, we'd be acting the same way.

[B]

Not me. I wouldn't even bother coming home. Just buy new underwear on the way to work.

[A]

I get it, girl.

[B]

The time has come for us to get to know this Alonzo. How about we all go out to dinner?

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Can you make it Friday? No, we got tickets to the Knicks game Thursday. It's grand opening night for PS276's production of grease. Well, what about tomorrow?

[A]

Overton and I have a pigeon protection meeting. We can catch the next one. So now we are three weeks into this relationship, and Khadijah caught up in her whirlwind romance with Alonzo and is MIA with her girlfriends coming off a drought. Regine and Max are happy for her, but Sinclair's feeling a little neglected. Khadijah breezes in barely long enough to change her underwear. Max stops her and insists that we meet and really spend some time with this Mr. Alonzo. But too bad. Khadijah's booked and busy, and Sinclair and Overton have plans to. Guess they aren't the only busy couple.

[B]

Come on with your pigeon protection meeting.

[A]

Listen, this is important. We've got to do these things the.

[B]

Way you were holding yourself doing that. Do it, Kim.

[A]

Oh, we have a. I don't know that we can attend. I have a prison protection meeting, but we'll see if we can fit you in. You know, whatever that is. Whatever that is. But you know, they're moving fast. It's three weeks in and you're fully in. Do you think it's moving too fast? Do you think it's love or lust? What do you think is going on Here.

[B]

I think that's the way it's supposed to move. Now, frankly, when somebody you dig, suddenly your different system takes over.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, you're not yourself anymore. You literally are being driven to bond. And so I don't know if it's too. Do you think it's too fast?

[A]

Oh, no, I don't think so either. I move. Don't ask me, because I move fast. Cause you wanna get in and figure it out right away. I don't understand how people do that. Like, it's moving too fast. Listen, you know when people say it's moving too fast, that means one of you feels like, this ain't. This ain't. This doesn't feel right.

[B]

I'm like a turtle.

[A]

Like you.

[B]

Literally, I'm actually move fast but slower.

[A]

The. What does that mean?

[B]

Because I don't have time for the chit chat. I don't like small talk. So it's like somebody who's want to chat me up. I said, look, if you want to ask me out, ask me out.

[A]

Right, Right, right, right.

[B]

So, you know, don't.

[A]

You've actually said that to a guy. Like, you want to ask me out? Just ask me out.

[B]

Just ask me out. Like, don't do all that. Yeah, I don't like it. I find it boring. No, I don't have any.

[A]

You know, it's like, come on, you know, you want to take me out? Let's just go get it.

[B]

What is it gonna be? And then I know what it is and I'll decide. And most of the time I'll probably say no. So you're gonna have to ask several times.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

I also warm up to the idea. I'm never gonna be like, sure, you know, let's go to the movies. Are you kidding? I could take my own self to the movies.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, I'm hard to get. And I'm not playing hard to get. I just know I am.

[A]

And so there are guys who are like, I don't wanna work that hard. And they don't know that there's a. You know, the treasures on the inside.

[B]

Right, Right. It takes a while.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Well, I've tracked them down. And where were they? At Alonzo's. I woke them up.

[B]

What?

[A]

I cannot believe Khadijah left us hanging like this.

[B]

Well, she said she was gonna be.

[A]

Here in 15 minutes.

[B]

Well, they won't find me. I'm out. Look here, I'm too through, okay? The girls have a date at the cafe with the lovebirds and they're ready to grill Alonzo. When they get stood up, Khadijah finally calls and says, we overslept. Eh, fed up. The girls bounce, right? They were stood up by their girl.

[A]

Stood up by their girl because they've been replaced by a lover.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Get over it, girls.

[B]

Get over it.

[A]

Get over it.

[B]

I'm not with all this.

[A]

No, neither am I. Come on. Let it. Be happy for your friend and move on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now, were they more upset that they. They didn't get to grill him, or were they really upset?

[B]

Cause that's always fun.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

You know, bring him here so we can get a look at him.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because when you're that close to somebody, you want to make sure that they're treating them nice.

[A]

And they just wanted to get to know him, and they wanted khadij. They missed their friend.

[B]

Did you ever feel like you changed up with a new partner?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

[B]

What haven't you done?

[A]

I've shape shifted. Because you're trying to fit yourself into a pretzel to make this relationship. Because I didn't want to be out there with the next one, and the next one, like, the other one bites the dust. I wanted it to work. I wanted it to, you know, someone to work. And so you shape shift a little bit.

[B]

Well, you know, I appreciate that. That, you know. And I'm shape shifting today. Today I'm Diana Ross blonde. You sure you are?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're also giving Whitney Houston.

[A]

And I want to dance with somebody. Oh, yeah. The color. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody. Yes, I am. Thank you.

[A]

That's the color, the honey.

[B]

What do you think about this shirt.

[A]

I picked out for Alonzo today?

[B]

You look so good in blue.

[A]

My, my, my.

[B]

Where did the time go? Whoa.

[A]

I tell you, I'm no good without my. Oh, 11 hours. I suppose I could go for another delicious piece of cheesecake, but, you know, it is late.

[B]

It is late.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[B]

We just got here. Hey, Wish we could. Kate.

[A]

Feeling snubbed? The girls leave. When they return, Khadijah's mad that they left, but the girls say that she's been sort of tuning them out, and they're not feeling the love. Is Khadijah blinded by love?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. Thank you. Next clip.

[B]

I know that's right.

[A]

And you know, what better than love than to blind you and love that she's immersing herself fully. She's being vulnerable and allowing it to unfold and loving seeing her in this way.

[B]

It's all natural.

[A]

It Is.

[B]

Yeah, she's centering herself in a way that up until that point, she was centering her magazine, but she desperately wanted to Mac. So that means she wanted some sort of exploration of, you know, her passion.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, and now this dude walks in. Alonzo. Yeah. She can't see anything but shoe bop. Shoe bop. The star's out tonight. Alonzo. She only has eyes for Alonzo.

[A]

Only has eyes for Alonzo. And totally worth looking at and looking into.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

What if this is the one?

[B]

Next clip.

[A]

Alonzo, where have you been? We're waiting for you.

[B]

Oh, man, I lost track of time.

[A]

I'm sorry, fellas. Listen, why don't you guys go grab a cord?

[B]

I'll be with you in a few. Forget about it, man. No, I'll be there.

[A]

Stan.

[B]

Hey, he still remembers your name. Dig that.

[A]

Let's go, man. Come on, fellas.

[B]

Okay, so I made the mistake of putting a very handsome, attractive, sensitive, extremely sexy man ahead of you. And for that, I'm sorry. You know, the sad part is that's as good as it gets. Hey, I'm shocked she said that much. Am I off the list?

[A]

Are we cool or what? Well, why don't you join us for a game of miniature golf? Okay. You know, Alonzo likes golf.

[B]

I can.

[A]

So there we are. And it's time for Khadijah to apologize. I'm sorry. She sucks at apology, but we know her. And I love when you say, well, that's about as good as it's gonna get. Cause you know her.

[B]

Yeah. I think balance is necessary, though. I mean, as much as we're joking about it, and it is, I think, natural, if you over index on something and something falls out, maybe that speaks to your ability, to your health, your mental health.

[A]

Right, right, right. Because, you know, you become sort of codependent on each other.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Right. And this is about the time when they should create a little bit of balance or create a little bit of a. Like, really start integrating the friends, if you can. Speaking of friends, we have a couple of friends in this that are the true friends of Yvette and Kyle. Kyle Bowser. So that was the real Overton brown skin guy with the light colored jacket. That is the real Overton.

[B]

Overton.

[A]

Overton. Tony Wilkins. Yeah. As Freddie. And there was another guy, Chris Charles, who played Stan. And they were the guys who were mad at Alonzo. Oh, he's a nice looking man.

[B]

He's a beautiful man. They both are, you know. That's lovely. When you have a show and you can say, hey, you wanna do a.

[A]

You wanna do a guest spot on my show?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's awesome. So if you wanted to know who the real Overton is.

[A]

There he is. There he is right there. He really and was really best friends with the real Kyle.

[B]

That's freaking awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love those kind of Easter eggs.

[A]

Isn't that nice?

[B]

You know what? But this episode shows that falling in love is just the beginning of a complex conversation inside of the whole relationship game. Of course. And we need to talk about that.

[A]

We do some more. You wanna do it now?

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Reverb. Okay.

[B]

Erica, talk to me.

[A]

Black Excellence. Go. I'll start living single.

[B]

Okay. Our beautiful melanin in all shade family cookouts. Hip hop, R and B, Basically every genre of music.

[A]

Okay. You know how we invented all them line dances? And people know the songs and they know how to do all the line dances. How do we do that? Black Excellence?

[B]

I don't know. In our hair. Our hair. The way it grows from our scalp. We can do so much natural locs, cornrows.

[A]

And it fades. Exactly. See, Black Excellence has layers. You see what I did there?

[B]

I saw it.

[A]

And Lexus will they understand and deliver the luxury that we deserve?

[B]

Because when you embody excellence, you need a ride that moves like you do. Smooth, smart, and impossible to ignore.

[A]

Aw. From the moment that you touch that wheel, Alexis says, I didn't just show up, I showed out.

[B]

No, it's more than a car. It represents how you walk through the world. Intentional, grounded, fly without even trying.

[A]

Because that's what Alexis does. It makes you feel amazing and look good, too. Well, then there's that.

[B]

Cooler days are here. And, baby, that means layers. Good layers. And for me, that means quints. They're $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Soft as a whisper and fine as fall line. The premium denim fits like it was tailored by somebody who knows you personally. And don't get me started on the wool coat coats. I'm eyeing their oversized pea coat and navy designer vibes, but for a fraction of the price. Here's the thing. Quince works directly with ethical factories and skips the middleman, so you get luxury quality for way less. It's smart, it's sustainable, and it looks damn good. I've got their cashmere crew neck on rotation. And that mulberry silk robe. Well, let's just say my mornings are upgraded. Find your fall staples at quints. Go to quints.com Single for free shipping on your order. And 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com Single this episode is brought to you by Rakuten. If you're shopping while working, eating or even listening to this podcast, then you know and love the thrill of a deal. But are you getting the deal and cash back? Rakuten shoppers, do they get the brands they love, savings and cash back. And you can get it too. Stack sales on top of cash back and feel what it's like to know you're maximizing savings. It's easy to use and you get cash back sent to you through paypal or check. The idea is simple. The brands you love pay Rakuten for sending them shoppers. And Rakuten shares the money with you as cash back. Download the free Rakuten app or go to rakuten.com to start saving today. It's the most rewarding way to shop. That's R A K u t e n rakuten.com welcome to the Reverb brought to you by Lexus. This is where we reflect, connect and talk about how the episode's themes still echo in the culture. Because just like our stories, Lexus keeps raising the bar. That's the standard of amazing. You know, Kim, Kyle and Overton get their dog neutered. They get spayed, you know, like snip snip. But you know, it's not just about the dog's balls. All right? It's not. Cause they viscerally reacted to it.

[A]

Of course. Of course. And there's layers to this. And that's because, you know, I think ultimately it's about masculinity, not the dog's masculinity. But you know, Kyle and Overton are questioning masculinity as it, you know, through the dog's eyes. I guess that's right.

[B]

So in today's world, do men fear their loss of manhood? And if so, why?

[A]

I think men do fear loss of manhood. I think there are so many societal pressures. There's so many, you know, ways that manhood, manhood can be taken, meaning a sense of pride, a sense of being able to provide for your family.

[B]

This is a dating show about young people dating. It's called living single. So it's gonna come up that we're gonna talk about relationships all the time. But apparently there epidemic of men out there that are freaking out and there's this thing that they're calling the male loneliness epidemic or there's like a research. There's research that shows that men, especially middle age, are lonelier and they're even fewer close friendships with them, that type of thing.

[A]

Is it because they're not connecting enough with friends? You know, we've got our little devices in our pockets, right? Is that part of it? Is it, you know, it is a lack of. Of mentorship from other men?

[B]

Yes, all of that. Because these devices are diabolical. They bring you the world and they take you away from yourself.

[A]

Drop a gym. Drop a gym.

[B]

Drop a gym hard.

[A]

Say that again. That's so good.

[B]

I said they're diabolical. These machines. These machines are diabolical. They give you the world, but take you away from yourself. My God.

[A]

Men who have been looking for ways to be a man, now, you know, come upon somebody going, this is what it means to be a man. Women are lesser than. And you need to blah, blah, blah. And you need to have a woman who does this. Woman. It's like they're like, yeah, that's what I need. It's just like, what is that? Is that even real?

[B]

By the way, we're in a shift. Literally. Humans are evolving. I'm not afraid of it, but it just may mean that we're not here to breed.

[A]

What do you. We're no longer here to breed. You feel?

[B]

No.

[A]

Then what are we here to do exactly?

[B]

That to me, is the Afrofuturism of it all.

[A]

Is it that there's more that's possible. There was a time when it was, you know, you're here to breed, go forth and multiply. Or, you know. Right. And now, because there's other distractions, there's other. Now you're able to expand your mind, expand your consciousness. It's not just about right, by the way.

[B]

Men still run the world. So if this has happened, it ain't women's fault. You own the systems.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Start to plan for these young men and boys to have a space outside of sports and gaming culture, to create connection between what their feminine divine. You want them to find women, then teach them how to see and.

[A]

And love on and appreciate.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Instead of looking at what's different about us, which is what's different is magical too.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

But to find the ways that we can compliment each other.

[B]

Is this an issue of disconnection? Is that all access to media to blame?

[A]

We can't blame it because we're consuming it. And we're consuming it because we. We need. We. We're getting those dopamine hits. I can't tell. I'm Gonna tell the truth. I can't tell you how many times I go, okay, tonight I'm going to bed early. I'm going to bed early. And it's, you know, one o' clock in the morning.

[B]

That was me last night.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I couldn't believe it.

[A]

I gotta work tomorrow.

[B]

Two o'. Clock.

[A]

I'm like, our call time was 8:30 this morning. I was like, I'm not gonna make it, but I can't get off this thing. Dopamine.

[B]

We're in trouble, man.

[A]

Oh yeah, we are.

[B]

We're in trouble.

[A]

And I'm intelligent, okay? I'm gonna promise I'm an intelligent woman. I promise myself I'm gonna get a good night's rest. I did not.

[B]

So for them, it's like a 24 hour arena, sports arena. And over dependence on texting, because they'd rather not call you to talk, they'll text you, but then what happens is that ends up in rude behavior, ghosting, not sort of bonding, even with voice.

[A]

Understanding the emotional intelligence of it all. You know your friend T.C. carson, I'll never forget one. Around one Christmas, I was like, happy, Merry Christmas. He was like, merry Christmas. And he left me a message and said, baby, I need to hear your voice. This texting is not right for me. Not right. I need to hear your voice. I picked up the phone right away. Cause I need to hear how you're doing.

[B]

Right, okay.

[A]

Have you ever done this? Have you ever texted someone and thought that you connected with them? Like either they didn't reach back out to you, or someone sent you a text and you thought, you read the text, you go, okay, I'll look at it later. And it's like I felt that I connected to them just because I saw the text and there was no real connection. It's like there's nothing. There's no there.

[B]

There could be dying inside. And a voice thing. How does this type of phenomenon affect women though?

[A]

I think that there are women who are opting out, taking dating sabbaticals, Like, I don't know what that is. I don't know what you're doing. I don't. I can't figure it out. I'm just gonna shut myself down, which is not good either. So you've got men shutting themselves down, women shutting themselves down, and there's this human urge to be together, you know? I know you were saying that, you know, maybe we're evolving so that we just don't breed anymore. But you know, I remember learning years ago that the first Rule of life is more life. And so there is like, yeah, preservation of life. And so we're not figuring out the social cues and the emotional cues. But in the end, there's still this drive to want love, if nothing else.

[B]

Well, maybe that's why, in a way, they may be opting out, but they also report feeling freer or creative, definitely without partners who necessarily draining them. So on the upside, there are women who are finding themselves inside of it. I have to assume that maybe there are men maybe finding out that, hey, I don't necessarily have to be a dad and, or this type of person. I'm an adventurer. I want to go away and do this, or I want to sew or I want to design. You know, maybe there's less of that.

[A]

But choice, choice, as opposed to all those people over there jacked up, just, I'm gonna have a, I'm gonna have a choice.

[B]

We gotta create the conditions for success. Cause if we do both come together, we can do this. But there's. Well, by the way, learn to talk, forgive.

[A]

I prefer a man, whether my friends or my brother or my boyfriend, to be emotionally aware and be mature. Be mature and be willing to explore the vulnerabilities and the, and the times that life has been difficult for you and that, you know, there's, you know, there's also so much and so much pain and so many difficulties happening for men. Like we look at men, like you just said, men rule the world, and they do. But then there's also this pressure to maintain that and they're breaking up on the inside. They're tearing up on the inside. So therapy, quiet time, time alone and getting really aligned with what you really want and really what you need and then deciding that and then you can go out and find the right mate. So rather than it's all women do this or don't do this, or all men do this or don't do this, like you can, can find your person because all you need to do is find that one, right? And, or all you need to do is find that one and I'm pointing.

[B]

To myself, come on.

[A]

And then you can, if you wish, you can find that other. Cause I think there is a drive to find someone. I think you want to be loved.

[B]

We also have to say black, brown, LGBTQ and low income men face compounded versions of this crisis due to racism, homophobia and structural inequality. Therapeutic, very much isolated, even more stigmatized. They lack the mental health, the tailored mental health, or the support, the resources. And so we also have the miseducation of our youth in America. We're digging the wrong lessons from people. They're fearing things they shouldn't. If this is a so called godly space, then why isn't there room for everybody? And why do you have to be afraid of people as such that you would want to either stop them from being themselves to the detriment of who.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Be you.

[A]

How is that hurting you that he wants to wear pink? Pink looks good on him.

[B]

Let him. By the way, if we were an Africa, we wouldn't be wearing pants. No, we'd be wearing all sorts of stuff. Everything. But I'm saying we'd be wearing our tribal robes and everything. And if they were in there in Scotland, they'd be wearing the kilts. Where the hell are we talking about, by the way? When we were all in villages, there weren't men in women bathrooms. There's that big old rock over there and somebody dug a hole and go for it. You know, we were arguing about that's.

[A]

The real gender neutral bathroom right there. The original.

[B]

A hole in the ground.

[A]

Come on now.

[B]

Yeah. You know, so we're talking about embracing intimacy.

[A]

Embrace intimacy with yourself and then emotional intimacy. And do the work.

[B]

Yes, It's a superpower. And also allow women. Women must allow men to be vulnerable.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And don't use it against them.

[A]

Oh, that's the. You cannot. Sometimes the man will open up to you and then you tear him down or you don't let him speak. He will shut down for forever. And I think there's probably a lot of men who are shut down now because some woman didn't see that vulnerability as strength. I think that if a man gives you that vulnerability, gives you that gift, you must be a safe space for him.

[B]

Right. And we need to show women how to be safe spaces. Because nowadays there's many reasons why there. That may not be, you know, our habit.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But it's.

[A]

Or no one taught us to do it.

[B]

No one taught us to do it. Or we do it. And maybe we felt like we did it and we didn't know where the borders were. Yeah.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And got manipulated or feel used. So, Kim, I'm overwhelmed, but I'm hopeful even if I'm lying. What can our friends do? Kim? Yeah.

[A]

All right. So I think in no particular order, awareness is everything. Even these conversations. Somebody will see this and have an awareness that they didn't have before. So number one, awareness is number one. And you allow yourself to access your own skills and reflect. Spend some Quiet time reflecting. I think we don't spend enough time in silence.

[B]

Silence is connection.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

We always think it needs more and more. But you also. That's actually the great connector.

[A]

It is. And it can be scary at first if you're not used to.

[B]

What's scary about it?

[A]

Well, I think that because we're used to having so much noise and so much, you know, so much interaction and so much coming at us to get quiet and just listen to your. Go for a walk and just listen to your own.

[B]

Without headphones.

[A]

Right? Without headphones, just quiet. It can be a little scary because you'll start to hear the voices in your head. And some of us have a lot of voices in our head. And you're gonna question yourself. You're questioning.

[B]

I call that the Great reckoning. It really is. My God, it is.

[A]

And it's sacred.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And you'll find out things about yourself that you could not. If you're allowing all this noise come in, then there's also having emotional honesty, being able to communicate how you're feeling. And, you know, here's something I heard not too long ago that I think that we think that we are our emotions. So I. I'm mad at you. I'm mad. It's like, no, I feel mad. I feel anger. And to separate your emotions from the identity of you. I'm jealous. I'm not jealous. I'm feeling jealousy because of blah, blah, blah, my insecurity.

[B]

And that's triggered me. I may need a word from you.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[B]

And that takes me.

[A]

Then there's that, like to ask for what you need. Ask for. Ask for the permission to have a safe space. Like, I need to talk to you about something and I need to, you know, you know, make a pact. Like we made a pact when we came into this experience. You make a pact and you know, that comes with time and trust. You know, find the time to discernment, discern if you can even trust that person. And you gotta first trust yourself.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I think that deeper connection with yourself will help you deeper connect with the world because you'll know what you're really connecting to.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you'll know what you're, you know, pulling your connection out. Haven't you done this with certain situations? Or a friendship that's not really a great friendship. Or work situations when you go, I need to unplug from this for my own safety, my own health, my own well being, my own sanity. I need to unplug I need to pull my energy right up out of this. And you'll know that you need to pull out because you be able to be in touch with your feelings and be in touch with your gut.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and your intuition and redefine.

[B]

Mask what healthy masculinity can look like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In relationship and in love and community and being.

[A]

For women, being strong. You can also be soft and be strong at the same time. We were talking before about, I think more women need to allow, like, we create so much, but we have to receive so that we can create literally. That's true. And receive the intuition so that we can then create a beautiful world for ourselves and for the man.

[B]

Absolutely. And we gotta remember that all those guys were girls before they were boys.

[A]

That's what I learned from you in another episode. That we're all girls before you become boys. Is that scientific? That's scientific.

[B]

Girls before they were boys. Embryos. Start off as all women. It is Eve. It's the Eve story.

[A]

We're gonna get some comments on this.

[B]

One, but go bring it to the scientific community. That's why you got nipples.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

True Blue.

[A]

This right here. This right here is True Blue. It's the segment where we hear from our wonderful Franz, and that's a combination of fan and friend. We're gonna watch or hear or listen to your comments, your questions, your queries, and we're ready for it right now.

[B]

Hi, I'm khloe thompson. I'm 15 years old, and I love, love, love the podcast. But as someone who faithfully rewatches Olivia, Single looks up to this inspirational, legendary castle. As an aspiring actress, what is the best advice that you would give to young actors and actresses concerning character development, especially when it comes to those characters that really put you out your comfort zone and push you to a whole different limit that you've never experienced before? Bravo. She's so wonderful.

[A]

She's beautiful. Beautiful. What a cutie pie. She's a bright, shiny light.

[B]

Yeah. Too bad she'll be worn down by the business. But that's any business. This is a corporation. That's what I'd say. Remember, this is a corporate structure.

[A]

Oh, it is. Okay.

[B]

You are doing artistic and creative work inside of a corporate structure, not unlike somebody in advertising who's an art director working for a client. We are working for clients. In fact, we are the entertainment for the commercials. It is not the opposite.

[A]

Mm. I love it. I love that. So what would you tell her to do to. She says she wants to Know what to do, how to develop her characters or how to. Especially the characters that she might feel comfortable, uncomfortable doing.

[B]

I should say, well, by the way, you're not you. I'm not Erica. I say that all the time. I'm a version of myself, and I'm giving certain traits and characteristics and life experience toward someone else's words or toward a project. And so you can distance yourself so you can do what you need to do. And one who famously did that, who I love so much, is Beyonce. She said, I need to be Sasha Fierce. She was. Maybe. I don't know what the reason was. Maybe it could have been. I'm not speaking for her anxiety or just needing to have a separation, but she says when she goes out on stage, Sasha goes out there, and she is Beyonce. You're screaming that, but everybody knows that there's Sasha Fierce who's doing that. And I do that a lot where I separate myself. But I don't do it like she does. I sort of go, I need. This is my body, my instrument. And I need to use the feeling and the depths of pain that I felt for a character that I have no affiliation with. I'm not a lawyer. I'm not a thank goodness, rape victim. I'm not that. But I know what it feels like to feel like I'm lost, feel like I'm outside of myself, feel like I'm powerful, feel like I know everything and I can command people in oceans to open up, you know, and that's what you get to do. And that's the fun of it. You get to be other than who you are, all the while being yourself. Nice.

[A]

My advice to her would be to live. Live life, have experiences, you know, she's 15. Live your life, really fully embrace life. You know, take classes. Not only acting classes, but pottery classes and dance classes and baton twirling. Like, experience as much life, you know, safely as possible, and that will add to your experiences. All the experiences you're talking about, you had to have lived some to experience that kind of pain, that kind of glory and feeling like you can open up oceans. And so live your life and really experience. And be curious. Be curious. The more you shut down, that's gonna affect your work and something else you spoke to that. Remember that this is a business and that you are a business, that you are a brand and. And choose early on what your limits are gonna be. Choose early on, like, also by connecting with yourself what you will and won't do. Like, don't do a malt liquor commercial like I did, unless you want to. And you're okay with that. Decide what your integrity level, your line in the sand will be and stick to it and explore and enjoy and keep being a beautiful, bright, shiny light, because you are. Don't let that, like, okay, if I said nothing, hold on to that bright, shiny light for forever. That's going to serve you well, that.

[B]

Childlike whimsy, openness, curiosity.

[A]

Because this business and life can dampen that if you allow it.

[B]

You have to be vulnerable.

[A]

You have to be vulnerable and play and fight to keep the light. And so whatever that means for you, whatever spiritual practice you need to, to do, whatever connection to, whoever you, you know, whoever you connect to, whatever you subscribe to, whatever. Right. As Michael Beckwith always says, the God of your understanding, stay. Isn't that good? Because that covers everybody.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And so stay connected and protect that fiercely, and you'll be fine. And we'll see her soon. We're gonna see you soon. Aren't we gonna see her?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

On a set? Like, haven't you met someone that you absolutely touched and you didn't know that you would ever run into them? Like, hi, I remember I was your PA over at so and so and I know. We'll see you soon. Yeah. Yay. Well, that's our show.

[B]

That's our Alexander.

[A]

Did you have a good time? I did. It's good.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I learned it's a winning.

[B]

It's winning.

[A]

It is.

[B]

How about that?

[A]

Don't forget to send your comments and questions to to reliving single podcastartbeat.com and follow us on all of the socials Reliving Single podcast and make sure that.

[B]

You like and you comment and you subscribe and watch all the way through y', all multiple times. Tell a friend. Please help us build here. We'll see you next week.

[A]

So long. For now.

[B]

Ciao.

[A]

Bye Bye.

[B]

Reliving Single is hosted by me, Erica Alexander and me, Kim Cole. Reliving Single is a production of Heartbeat in association with Color Farm Media, executive.

[A]

Produced by Kevin Hart, Jeff Clanagan, Eric Eddings, Leslie Guam, Erica Alexander and Ben Arnon.

[B]

The show is produced by Kim Coles.

[A]

Amber Watson is our senior producer.

[B]

Our associate producer is Kenny Jackson.

[A]

Our other associate producer is Electra Telesfort.

[B]

Our sound engineers are Eric Hicks and Cedric Wilson.

[A]

Production supervision by Razak Boykin and Brett Calkins.

[B]

Additional production support from Alex Atkins and Z. Taylor.

[A]

Special thanks to BK Augustine and Dr. E.J. johnson.