Khadijah's Fatal Attraction

Summary

ReLiving Single – Episode Summary: “Khadijah's Fatal Attraction”
Podcast: ReLiving Single
Hosts: Erika Alexander & Kim Coles
Episode: Season 1, Episode 16 Rewatch (“Fatal Distraction”)
Release Date: September 3, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of ReLiving Single dives into Season 1, Episode 16 of Living Single, “Fatal Distraction.” Erika Alexander (Max) and Kim Coles (Synclaire) revisit a fan-favorite storyline where Khadijah (played by Queen Latifah) hires an incredibly handsome writer, Xavier, only to realize she's been blinded by his looks rather than properly vetting his ability. The hosts unpack the episode’s themes of workplace attraction, gender double standards, the danger of mixing business with pleasure, and reflect on how these dynamics have (or haven’t) changed in the #MeToo era.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Attraction in the Workplace: Gift and Curse

• [01:06] The hosts open with playful banter about being “blinded by the face card” and the social science of attributing virtues to good-looking people.
  • Erika Alexander: “Attractive people often get credit for attributes…they don’t have because people, not me, are blinded by their face card.”
  • Kim Coles: “There’s science…we think pretty people got it going on. It’s part of our biology.”

Episode Recap: “Fatal Distraction”

• [02:58] Kim and Erika summarize the plot, focusing on Khadijah hiring Xavier based on looks, only to find out he can't write.
• [03:39] Richard Whiten (as Xavier) and Ralph Harris Jr. (as Wyatt) are guest stars; personal connections shared.

Behind-the-Scenes Casting & Representation

• [04:44] Erika reveals she brought Richard Whiten into the show through her Philly connections.
• [06:13] Shoutout to Yvette Lee Bowser for including openly gay characters like Dennis and having diverse representation.

HR and The Gender Double Standard

• [05:41], [07:13] Discussion on whether Khadijah’s interview with Xavier would pass modern HR standards.
  • Kim Coles: “She really didn’t do any deep dive. She didn’t really vet him properly.”
  • Erika Alexander: “Men could never get away with talking about women like that."
• Flipping the script: The show intentionally puts a woman boss (Khadijah) in situations typically reserved for men, highlighting gender norms and power dynamics.

Dating At Work (and When It Goes Wrong)

• [08:12–10:43] The conversation unpacks the ethics and risks of office romance, especially when the boss initiates.
  • Erika Alexander: “She’s the Boss. So it’s different.”
  • Kim Coles: “I think it’s too soon…she doesn’t know him yet.”
  • Both agree workplace relationships with a direct report are risky, especially post-#MeToo.

The Power Loss—Rejection, Vulnerability, and Authority

• [13:06] They dissect the cringe-worthy scene where Khadijah tries to kiss Xavier and is rejected.

  • Kim Coles: “So embarrassing when she turned her face…I was so embarrassed.”
  • Erika Alexander: “Like, not even the character Khadijah. That’s how embarrassing it is. Like, oh, God, right?"

• [15:15] Erika points out the added humiliation for Khadijah as boss having to face her subordinate after the failed advance.

Hiring Mistakes—Blinded by Charm (or Looks)

• [17:48–20:10] Both reflect on real-life bad hires, sharing stories of people who interviewed well but couldn’t do the job.
  • Emphasis on the importance of vetting, skill tests, and fit.
  • Kim Coles: “I had an assistant…charming and smart…my hot mess.”

The Lawsuit Threat and Power Plays

• [21:00–22:19] What if Xavier sued Khadijah for firing him? Is there a legal case?
  • Kim Coles: “His work is horrible…She could easily say before the judge, ‘look at his grammar.’”
  • Erika Alexander: “If you’re good at your job…then you’re more likely to withstand or be able to sue an employer.”

Industry Stories: Predators, Protection, and the #MeToo Shift

• [31:59–41:45] Deep dive into the culture of harassment in the 90s versus post-#MeToo:

  • Kim Coles: Recalls being set up for a modeling party that turned out to be a predator’s trap (“I brought protection—a dude from the agency.”)
  • Erika Alexander: Remembers auditions and meetings in hotel rooms as the norm (“Now it just sounds crazy…”).

• Gender and Power: Both share personal and industry experiences with harassment, rejected legal action, and institutional pressure to stay silent.

• Kim Coles: “I feel safer because I’m older…men would say something and try something…used humor to deflect so much.”

• The new era: Growing awareness, more safeguards, and the empowering effect of recording devices in policing bad behavior.

Has the Episode Aged Well?

• [41:45] Erika feels the episode works as a “time capsule…less harsh” because it’s the woman boss who overreaches.
• They agree the workplace and industry have changed, but gendered power abuse and the need for vigilance remain relevant.
  • Erika Alexander: “Nowadays we have sexual harassment training…we laughed through the whole thing…now it’s about accountability at every level.”

The Importance of Intimacy Coordinators and Consent

• [44:09] Erika discusses the impact of having intimacy coordinators on set—a new norm that stresses consent and clear boundaries.

  “No one had ever asked my permission. The assumption is just because you got the job that you’d allow it…nowadays, everybody kind of just gets some kind of level playing field before.”
  – Erika Alexander [44:17]

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Notable & Memorable Quotes

• “Attractive people often get credit for attributes or things that they don’t have because people…are blinded by their face card.”
  – Erika Alexander [01:19]

• “Oops, his penis fell in.”
  – Kim Coles, referencing a Living Single line and the casualness of office romance in the 90s [08:41]

• “Don’t shit where you eat.”
  – Erika Alexander [16:01]
  – Kim Coles adds: “It means you don’t mix your relations at work.”

• “Sometimes people give great interview…my hot mess.”
  – Kim Coles [18:11]

• “If you’re good at your job…then you’re more likely to withstand or be able to sue an employer for good, bad, or ugly.”
  – Erika Alexander [22:20]

• “It’s never been about whether you were attractive. It’s about power and…it’s about you and about their insecurity.”
  – Erika Alexander [40:06]

• “Now we have sexual harassment training…we laughed through the whole thing.”
  – Kim Coles [43:03]

• “There’s intimacy coordinators…no one had ever asked my permission…nowadays, everybody kind of just gets some kind of level playing field.”
  – Erika Alexander [44:17]

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Fun & Candid Moments

• “Blinded by Science” Karaoke – The hosts break into the Thomas Dolby song, complete with on-the-fly lyrics [02:00].
• “Bouncing Quarters” Joke – The hosts riff repeatedly on office ogling and the infamous “bouncing quarters off his butt” line, poking fun at double standards [00:02][06:40][10:54][16:01].
• Name-Dropping & Backstage Tales – Erika shares how her Philly friends made their way onto the show [04:45].

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Q&A: True Blue Segment

[45:40–52:27]

• Were Overton and Kyle like the men you dated?
  • Both find similarities with past partners—especially genuine “salt of the earth” qualities, but admit those kinds of men struggled with their celebrity lifestyles.
• Advice to your younger selves starting Living Single?
  • “Save your money! Don’t buy designer stuff!” – [49:19]
  • Both agree: build savings, invest wisely, but value every step of the journey.
  • Kim Coles: "I wouldn't change any step of my journey...I couldn't be who I am today if I hadn't had that experience." [50:39]
  • Erika Alexander: "There are things I would change...but I do appreciate the journey." [51:14]

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Reflections on Culture, Safety, and Progress

(Reverb segment [31:59 onward])

• #MeToo was mentioned as a long-overdue market correction for industries built on unchecked power.
• Both emphasize how the shift toward better processes, awareness, and designated support (like intimacy coordinators) creates safer, more equitable workplaces—on screen and off.
• They candidly confront past naivete about industry dangers and the continuing power imbalance, but find hope in generational change and the power of community.

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Episode Structure & Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Start | |------------------------------------|-----------| | Theme Intro & Science of Attraction| [01:06] | | Episode Recap & Guest Stars | [02:58] | | HR Ethics & Gender Dynamics | [05:41] | | Boss/Employee Romance Debated | [08:12] | | Cringe Rejection Scene | [13:06] | | Hiring Disasters (Real-Life) | [17:48] | | Lawsuit Scenario & Power | [21:00] | | Culture & #MeToo Conversation | [31:59] | | Industry Stories & Safety Shift | [32:26] | | Intimacy Coordinators & Consent | [44:09] | | Listener Q&A (True Blue) | [45:40] |

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Takeaway

The ReLiving Single hosts shine in their blend of humor, candor, and cultural awareness—offering not only entertaining behind-the-scenes stories but also a thoughtful, relatable unpacking of how attraction, power, and workplace boundaries have shifted since Living Single first aired. This episode is both a nostalgic look back and a timely reflection on what’s changed and what still needs work within Hollywood and beyond.

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Transcript

[Kim Coles]

Coming up on Reliving Single.

[Erica Alexander]

So should we bounce quarters off of each other's ass?

[Kim Coles]

We should not bounce any quarters. Any nickels, any dimes. So do you think her interview with him was. Would be HR approved?

[Erica Alexander]

Well, it was the wild west, because the 90s, before the MeToo, all of these things happened that seemed very normal to us or we had to live.

[Kim Coles]

With, oops, his penis fell in.

[Erica Alexander]

I mean, you know, Sinclair's messy.

[Kim Coles]

We gonna try to tongue me?

[Erica Alexander]

Keep your hands off my ass. Amber. Yeah, you had a safe word.

[Kim Coles]

Would your safe word be ouch? You know, what a universe. I. I got this lesson. You don't need to come no harder.

[Erica Alexander]

Than.

[Kim Coles]

I live my life in the shadow.

[Erica Alexander]

Welcome back to Reliving Single, the official unofficial Living Single rewatch podcast. Good looks. Hey, we all want them. We all want them. But it could be a gift and a curse.

[Kim Coles]

How do you say so? What do you mean?

[Erica Alexander]

Well, okay. Attractive people often get credit for attributes or things that they don't have because people, not me, are blinded by their face card.

[Kim Coles]

Well, it's true. There's science. You know, they've done tests on people looking at pictures of people that were attractive and symmetrical or, you know, and they. They would attribute these qualities and, oh, this person looks trustworthy. Meanwhile, they were like a jewel thief or something. So we think pretty people got it going on. It's part of our biology.

[Erica Alexander]

Well, hey, by the way, they say biology is destiny. And so, you know, that's kind of half of Hollywood if you think about it, because we trade on those things. Remember that song?

[Kim Coles]

Which one?

[Erica Alexander]

Blinded me with Science?

[Kim Coles]

Oh, by Thomas Dolby. I Love that song. 1982. That's my era.

[Erica Alexander]

It's Pow wide tree in my ocean she turned her deaf as eyes to me as deep as an ocean as sweet as any harmony.

[Kim Coles]

She blinded me with science. Science. The guy just yells out, she blinded me with science.

[Erica Alexander]

With science.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah. May you all be blinded by science and love. Those who lead deserve a car that leads with them, because a car that doesn't move you is a car that falls short of amazing.

[Erica Alexander]

That's the Lexus standard. The standard of amazing.

[Kim Coles]

It's time for the rewind where we watch and relive living single with you. Welcome. And here we go. This week, we are re watching Living Single Season 1, Episode 16 Fatal Distraction Khadijah hires new writer, Xavier, who looks great on paper and even better in person. But once she reads his work, she. She realizes that his good looks have clouded her judgment.

[Erica Alexander]

Meanwhile, Sinclair Overton and Regene find old love letters in the closet and dive into decoding a 19th century romance. Now, this is guest starring Richard Whiten, my friend, as Xavier, and Ralph Harris, Jr. As Wyatt. That's your friend?

[Kim Coles]

I love Ralph.

[Erica Alexander]

Come on, Ralph. Come on with it. And Sean Tobe as the cabbie. Written by David Wyatt and directed by Henry Chan, who also was our editor.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah, this is our first episode direct. Yeah. Yeah, I am. All right, well, then, let's roll it. You got some nice credits here.

[Erica Alexander]

Yes, and as you can see, I've.

[Kim Coles]

Also been published in Esteem. Esteem, huh?

[Erica Alexander]

That's a great magazine. Yeah. But Flavo is clearly much more in touch with the people.

[Kim Coles]

Xavier, I have a good feeling about you.

[Erica Alexander]

When can you start? When do you want me? As soon as possible. How about right now? I'll show you to your desk. Okay, the peep show is over. Get back to work. Dennis.

[Kim Coles]

That's Big Rich.

[Erica Alexander]

That's Big Rich.

[Kim Coles]

You always talk about Big Rich on that show. And so now we're really meeting him and enjoying and enjoy. He is easy on the eyes. He's no diggity, no doubt.

[Erica Alexander]

He really is.

[Kim Coles]

And he's kind. And he's a sweetheart.

[Erica Alexander]

He's a sweetheart. He was holding in the episode Crappy Birthday. He's holding the big Ed McMahon check. So he's there in his Underoos, looking good. And he's worked hard on that body. But you know what? Richard is. So Richard Whiten has the muscles. He's from Philadelphia. He went to School of Performing Arts with Richard Lyons, who was on the show playing my boyfriend, who was my real life boyfriend. I came from Philadelphia with a whole posse. Like, I took half of Philadelphia with me. I mean, you know, it is what it is. And suddenly, you know, Yvette cast him in this major featured role, which was a big deal.

[Kim Coles]

Did you have something to do with it?

[Erica Alexander]

I just think being there at the right time, and maybe Yvette sort of just saying, hey, it's perfect. Because if you think about it, he is perfectly cast out of central casting, where you say you need handsome man. Oh, he's handsome man.

[Kim Coles]

He's handsome man. So do you think her interview with him would be HR approved?

[Erica Alexander]

Yes.

[Kim Coles]

You do?

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. I think she got a little distracted, but she kept it professional. I mean, there's nothing wrong with being a little bit sort of taken by somebody's looks, but I don't think she did anything inappropriate.

[Kim Coles]

But she really didn't do any deep dive. She didn't really you know, vet him properly.

[Erica Alexander]

It looked okay to me, but, you know, I just hope that she knows more. All the women and Dennis in the office, they wanted to get with Xavier. Come on.

[Kim Coles]

And so did Dennis too. People love Dennis. I don't believe. I don't know if he ever had any lines, at least not in season one. But he was good looking and gay. And shout out to Yvette Lee Bowser for having that gay representation on the show. Cause that's real.

[Erica Alexander]

Xavier spent all day stocking his desk. And you know, we keep the office supplies in the file cabinet in the bottom drawer. I know you guys said he looked good, but is the brother really all that girl?

[Kim Coles]

His butt so hard you could bounce.

[Erica Alexander]

A cord off him.

[Kim Coles]

I tried.

[Erica Alexander]

If only I had better aim.

[Kim Coles]

Sinclair, listen to your shameless prattle.

[Erica Alexander]

You know, men could never get away with talking about women like that.

[Kim Coles]

And I think Xavier has a thing for Khadijah.

[Erica Alexander]

No, really?

[Kim Coles]

Oh. Do you really think he need all those supplies? Do you think she. That Sinclair pushed Khadijah to. Do you think she egged her on a little bit in this?

[Erica Alexander]

I think she did, yeah. I mean, you know, Sinclair's messy.

[Kim Coles]

What do you mean Sinclair's messy?

[Erica Alexander]

Messy?

[Kim Coles]

She's not messy.

[Erica Alexander]

She really is. She trying to look all innocent up there. You always. Come on, you played her.

[Kim Coles]

Not messy. Wow. Not messy.

[Erica Alexander]

You said like butter wouldn't melt in.

[Kim Coles]

Her mouth, but I think she's just in it. She's just like. She's 100% present to everything. Why was she. Why is she. Cause messy like, girl, you gonna go get you some of that. That would be messy.

[Erica Alexander]

Okay, not messy like that. But she's definitely an instigator.

[Kim Coles]

She's all up in the mix is what I was saying. Okay.

[Erica Alexander]

That's another way to put it. Wow. The propaganda is real perspective. But, you know, is Kyle Wright. Is there a double standard? Like, you know, here she. They are talking about this dude. And if they were caught talking about women that same way, it's not.

[Kim Coles]

That's very true. But I think he's comfortable doing it because he's a man and he's used to doing it. He's seeing women do it for the first time and that's uncomfortable. Just like. Do men gossip? Yes, they do. We only say that women do. But of course men do. And so you mean to tell me a woman is gonna ogle a man like that? Yes, we might.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, we might. But Khadijah's in power. She's the Boss. So it's different. And I think the reason why this is not the first time Yvette Bowser has. And the writers have put us in a situation where they wanna do the gender flip flops. We wanna see Khadijah as a boss. Have to confront a subject that men have to deal with all the time, is whether it's appropriate to flirt or date with an employee. Have you done that with your employees?

[Kim Coles]

No.

[Erica Alexander]

You just date them?

[Kim Coles]

I just date. No, I don't date them. No. EJ was my employee. He wasn't my employ. That's what you get at. Once again, he wasn't my employee. I hired his team to help with my branding and marketing. Oops, his penis fell in.

[Erica Alexander]

Oops.

[Kim Coles]

Which, by the way, I get that from Living Single. There's an episod in which Khadijah talks about Scooter. They go out and she goes. And then. Oops, my. And then my clothes fell off. So I say, oops, his penis fell in.

[Erica Alexander]

Well, there you go. So you know, you failed that. So the movement, MeToo movement was non existent now.

[Kim Coles]

People were being me too'd all the time, but no one was talking about it.

[Erica Alexander]

So do you think that Khadijah should have asked Xavier on a date? MeToo's not there.

[Kim Coles]

Right.

[Erica Alexander]

What do you think?

[Kim Coles]

You know, it's always a thing. You know, we know that there are thousands and thousands and thousands of people who have met on the job and dated and had successful relationships. I think it's too soon for her to ask him out. Actually, she doesn't know him yet.

[Erica Alexander]

But do you think he. She should ask him at all? She's his boss. She doesn't know him.

[Kim Coles]

Sure is fine. No, no, no, no, no. Well, I. I don't know if she should ask him.

[Erica Alexander]

If you're conflicted because you're dating someone right now. Meaning that's your beloved that you basically, you know, scammed into dating.

[Kim Coles]

No, we talked. We got. We became friends first. We became friends first.

[Erica Alexander]

Was he compelled to be your friend?

[Kim Coles]

Here's the difference. I didn't ask him out. He was working with me. We became friends and then a natural progression. Now it's way too soon.

[Erica Alexander]

I agree. But I don't think she should ask him at all. Being the boss.

[Kim Coles]

Ever.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, I don't think it's ever. No. Then he should be. He should not work at Flavor.

[Kim Coles]

You don't think that anyone working anywhere should ever be asked out by the boss ever, ever, ever. I'm gonna fire you now. We can date. That's how it should happen.

[Erica Alexander]

No, I think that it depends on the situation. But I think right now, in this situation, he should not be asked out for dating.

[Kim Coles]

No, certainly.

[Erica Alexander]

And certainly I don't think that in the boss position, because she's a woman in the 90s, that I think that it's never gonna go well for her. So should we bounce quarters off of each other's ass?

[Kim Coles]

We should not bounce any quarters. Any nickels, any dimes. We should not bounce.

[Erica Alexander]

Any quarter would bounce up.

[Kim Coles]

It was actually my butt that attracted ej. Finally he saw my butt and he was like, oh, wait a minute. He told me later I saw. Cause he went and took a picture of me and he saw my butt and he was like, oh, wow. Oh, okay. Okay. Nevermind.

[Erica Alexander]

Climb every mountain.

[Kim Coles]

That's right. Do what you gotta do.

[Erica Alexander]

High and low. Good for you, Xavier. You got the job already. You can stop brown nosing now.

[Kim Coles]

No, that's how I feel. Hey, for real, seriously, One of the.

[Erica Alexander]

Most engaging, intelligent women I've ever met.

[Kim Coles]

Really, really.

[Erica Alexander]

Good. Stop. I guess this is it. I guess so. I don't think this is a good idea.

[Kim Coles]

Ouch, ouch, ouch. Now I'm gonna say this. In that scene, I mean, he was definitely being. You know, I think that there was a little. I think he was teasing her a little bit.

[Erica Alexander]

He did that on purpose, of course.

[Kim Coles]

And this is. By the way, women and men do this. You know, you use your feminine wiles or you use your manly wiles to. He uses. Absolutely uses.

[Erica Alexander]

He uses Kundalini.

[Kim Coles]

Right, right.

[Erica Alexander]

In every way. All the chakras was happening.

[Kim Coles]

Thank you.

[Erica Alexander]

When she reached in and then he went and goes, oh, no. I was just trying to get my bag.

[Kim Coles]

Oh, God.

[Erica Alexander]

Actually, to this day I. I get mortified.

[Kim Coles]

Has that ever happened to you?

[Erica Alexander]

No. Have you ever fallen? No, no, no, no. That would never happen to me. No, no, no. Because that means I'm not going to anticipate. You're going to have to be all the way on my lips for me to kiss you back.

[Kim Coles]

Got it.

[Erica Alexander]

Like I'm the ice queen there when it comes to that. I don't know you.

[Kim Coles]

Right. And you're not sure that this is gonna. I'm not gonna put myself out there like that.

[Erica Alexander]

Has that ever happened to you?

[Kim Coles]

No, no, I would not make an overture. I've not been the kind of woman that would make an overture.

[Erica Alexander]

So now you're playing hard to get?

[Kim Coles]

No, I just don't make overtures. They come at me And I go, yes. No. Yes. I'm the picker. EJ's pretty much one of the only guys that I've ever been like you. Oh, is that right? Oh, yeah. I. I wait. I wait and wait for it to. I wait. Which is why I've had so many scallywags. I'm busy waiting.

[Erica Alexander]

Well, she. She should have, because he bamboozled her.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

You know, being led astray, all of that.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah, yeah. She was run amok. No, but it was so embarrassing when she turned her face and, you know. Oh, I was so embarrassed.

[Erica Alexander]

I get actually embarrassed when you watch it, Latifah.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

Like, not even the character Khadijah. That's how embarrassing it is. Like, oh, God, Right? Dana, you blew.

[Kim Coles]

Was so super cringy.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah.

[Kim Coles]

So let's see what happens next. She tried to kiss the new guy.

[Erica Alexander]

From work, and he left her hanging.

[Kim Coles]

What?

[Erica Alexander]

I'm trying to help you work through your embarrassment.

[Kim Coles]

I feel for you, Khadijah. You know, men go through this all the time. Always having to make the first move, never knowing what to expect.

[Erica Alexander]

Look, forget all of this. I'm just gonna go to work tomorrow and pretend it never happened.

[Kim Coles]

Xavier ain't all of that. Anyway.

[Erica Alexander]

It's funny how unattractive a guy becomes after he rejects you. I think you have to put yourself out to want to be rejected. To me, the fear of being rejected makes me very conservative. I think that men are very brave because they have to put themselves.

[Kim Coles]

They have to be brave all the time. They've talked about men. Especially when you're going out to a club or going out to a dance, a man has to walk all the way across the room to ask someone to dance. And then, you know. Yeah, men have to be brave. They have to be. And I think that's also the reason why, you know, we. We've both lived in the big city, and when you have a man who, you know, talks to you like, hey, pretty lady, what you doing? And then when they go, no, thank you, like, f you, you know, that's. That's part of the. I put myself out there. You don't want the F you. Well, I wouldn't want. If that's the kind of man you are, I wouldn't want you anyway. But I think that rejection thing that men have to. It's hard for them.

[Erica Alexander]

But Khadijah's rejection is a little worse because she is his boss, right? And Xavier's employee of hers, and she's.

[Kim Coles]

Got to go see him at work. The next day.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, that's the worst. Because that's a daily reminder every day.

[Kim Coles]

And what. How do you handle it? What do you say? Do you say anything? Do you. Do you. You know, is he gonna. Is he gonna say something? Is she gonna say something? It's.

[Erica Alexander]

It also seems desperate. Come on, now. You had authority a second ago, and now you was trying to dig in for a kiss. That's a loss of.

[Kim Coles]

A loss of power for sure.

[Erica Alexander]

For sure.

[Kim Coles]

Too much vulnerability.

[Erica Alexander]

Yes. Not cool. Yeah. And your authority is gone. You gonna be trying to tell him to do well on do better.

[Kim Coles]

And we gonna try to. Try to tongue me. Now he's got something over you.

[Erica Alexander]

And this is where that saying comes. Don't shit where you eat.

[Kim Coles]

Absolutely.

[Erica Alexander]

Come on, tell them what that means.

[Kim Coles]

It means you don't don't mix your relations at work. At work at all. You just don't fraternize at work. Don't shit where you eat.

[Erica Alexander]

Don't put your peanut butter in that milk chocolate. Right, right, right.

[Kim Coles]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. All right. Let's see.

[Kim Coles]

It could be dangerous.

[Erica Alexander]

Go on. Look at these typos.

[Kim Coles]

I can't believe Xavier wrote this. Well, his other articles were good, right?

[Erica Alexander]

Uh, I didn't exactly get around to.

[Kim Coles]

Reading any of his other articles.

[Erica Alexander]

Xavier, I can't publish this. Oh, okay, I see what this is about. Last night in the cab, I say.

[Kim Coles]

No, so you say no.

[Erica Alexander]

Xavier, this has nothing to do with last night. Khadijah, there's nothing wrong with my article. The trouble is you don't need a journalist. You need a man. I need someone who knows there are two O's in Brooklyn. Are you threatening to fire me? I hope not. Cause you have a nice little lawsuit on your hands if you do.

[Kim Coles]

That's the fatal flaw. Forget coming on to him or thinking he's cute or bouncing quarters. You gotta check. You gotta check the resume. Check the work. Oh, oh. You just saying. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, I see how you doing? And Big Rich, you know how. You know he can get real. Oh, oh.

[Erica Alexander]

Okay. You just doing this.

[Kim Coles]

Cause I. My work is good. No, it's horrible, sir. Yeah, yeah, it's horrible, sir. I felt so bad for.

[Erica Alexander]

But that's. You can't make a case. Cause you try to dig in and go in.

[Kim Coles]

Now you just mad cause I wouldn't give you none.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, it's pretty awful.

[Kim Coles]

I mean, and that's how you know that she's lost all of her power and he's threatening to sue her. And what if well, you know, regardless.

[Erica Alexander]

Of looks, have you ever rushed to hire somebody who wasn't good at their job, regardless of looks?

[Kim Coles]

No. No, you haven't? No. So the question is, have I ever hired somebody who was bad at their job? Yes, I've hired somebody who was horrible at their job.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, because you rushed, meaning you didn't check or vet. That happens all the time. Especially when you're an entrepreneur. You're like, I heard from somebody, but then I should have called them, but I didn't. And now look at that.

[Kim Coles]

You know, sometimes people give great interview. They give great interview, like, wow, she's charming. I had an assistant like this. Charming and smart and, you know, went to a great college and has all this stuff. My hot mess. Yeah, hot mess.

[Erica Alexander]

Well, you were going off the vibe.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

And you can't. You gotta check people.

[Kim Coles]

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever hired someone you didn't check out their stuff?

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, definitely. All the time. I mean, not all the time. I don't wanna say that, but it's happening. When I was younger, yes, but not in this position that I am now.

[Kim Coles]

Because you have to protect your brand, protect your business. I found files that this girl had hidden underneath the desk. I was like, you didn't file this. She just stuffed it underneath the desk so that she could. I was like, didn't do any of the work, but was a social butterfly and a good connector, but horrible at the actual work that I'd hired her for.

[Erica Alexander]

So what do you do? How do you handle that? Like, how do you. I let her go.

[Kim Coles]

I had to let her go. Just like, you know, this is not working out. And thank you. And I've seen that. These things. And she went on and did just fine. Those people always do.

[Erica Alexander]

They do.

[Kim Coles]

They do just fine.

[Erica Alexander]

They do. Until they actually.

[Kim Coles]

Until they don't.

[Erica Alexander]

Luck runs out, like, as you get older.

[Kim Coles]

Oh, yes.

[Erica Alexander]

Because sometimes that's all down to your youth. You know, people are like, I'm gonna.

[Kim Coles]

Give you a shot going forward. I would not hire someone without doing a full listen. Not only fully vetting their resume and their experience, but also giving them personality tests, disc tests, other tests. There's plenty of tests that you can find out how they even. How they communicate, speaking to them in the language that they understand. So, like, I. I speak this way, I act this way, I am this way. But you might need something very different. So I need to be able to communicate something to you so it gets done. So learning how people. Next person I hire will Go through every test.

[Erica Alexander]

So what if you had, you know, there's Kim Inc. And there's multiple positions, and this is a good person. Just maybe didn't put them in a. Would you do something different instead of fire them?

[Kim Coles]

Here's the thing is to put people in a position where they can best shine. So if somebody was working for me in this capacity, but it wasn't working, I would look at their gifts and talents and see if I could shift them to an area where they could shine.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. Or train them.

[Kim Coles]

Right.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. Because sometimes the vibe is there in terms of they're a good person, you've got.

[Kim Coles]

Or they're driven or something.

[Erica Alexander]

You need training. And nowadays people want you to already be at speed.

[Kim Coles]

Right.

[Erica Alexander]

There is no very little room for development. But does Xavier have a case?

[Kim Coles]

Um, no. No, no, he doesn't have a case. Who? There was no witnesses.

[Erica Alexander]

Well, everybody in the office dug him.

[Kim Coles]

Right.

[Erica Alexander]

And they all went and saw her go to the cab with him. I think homeboy got a case.

[Kim Coles]

You think he's got a case?

[Erica Alexander]

Hell, yeah.

[Kim Coles]

No one saw the. No one saw the swerve. She could easily say, oh, no, he invited me to take a cab ride home. I would flip that script, by the way.

[Erica Alexander]

So you're saying he says she.

[Kim Coles]

Because he was the one saying, oh, you think we should. Yeah, we should take a cab. He invited me on that cab ride. Who's zooming who?

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, but she went on that cab ride. A boss, first day. I think he got a case.

[Kim Coles]

No, no. Here's why he doesn't have a case. His work is horrible. So she could easily say before the judge. Look at his grammar. I'm on her side.

[Erica Alexander]

I'm fired.

[Kim Coles]

Yep, I'm fired.

[Erica Alexander]

And hard hearing. You know, you're not even worth the time it would take to sue you. I didn't think so. Okay, I'm out.

[Kim Coles]

You can kiss my b u T.

[Erica Alexander]

Goodbye, T.

[Kim Coles]

So let me ask you this. Did Khadijah use the same recipe that most employers use to assess Xavier's threat to sue?

[Erica Alexander]

Yes.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

It was time, money, and effort.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah. Like, he ain't really.

[Erica Alexander]

He ain't got the time. He ain't gonna do the effort.

[Kim Coles]

No.

[Erica Alexander]

And he certainly ain't got the money. But she had the receipts. That's the point that you were making before.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah, his.

[Erica Alexander]

So you were right.

[Kim Coles]

His writing was horrible.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. That's the receipts.

[Kim Coles]

That's the receipts in the end.

[Erica Alexander]

So the judge sees that and says, I don't think you have a case. If it was a good writing, then you have a case. So I guess that's the point. If you're good at your job, then you're more likely to withstand or be able to sue an employer for good, bad, or ugly.

[Kim Coles]

Okay.

[Erica Alexander]

If you're good at your job and make your case. And right there, it's not up to, like, gut instinct. You either can spell or you can't.

[Kim Coles]

Right. He said something. Then he said, kiss my b U T T. He came back with a T. I love Richard whiten because he's always so sincere, Even when he's, you know, being made a fool of. There's a sincerity that lives in him, an integrity that lives in him. So here he was.

[Erica Alexander]

And I'm sure you were looking at his integrity the whole time.

[Kim Coles]

I thought he was very handsome. He was very handsome.

[Erica Alexander]

Buttocks.

[Kim Coles]

There was a time when I was.

[Erica Alexander]

Like, ooh, ooh, he's still handsome. I mean, you know, he was lovely, too. I mean, really.

[Kim Coles]

And his parents. I still to this day loved meeting his father. Father Whiten. I would call him Father whiten. Great storyteller.

[Erica Alexander]

Astrologist.

[Kim Coles]

An astrologer.

[Erica Alexander]

That's right. Yeah. He was always giving us. Give me your birthday and sit there and then tell us what our star sign was.

[Kim Coles]

Charming. And his mom was lovely. So I always thank you for the gift of bringing your posse, because what came with your posse were their families and their. And it was just. It was lovely.

[Erica Alexander]

Have you ever taken anyone to court for anything? Not for, like, sexual harassment or anything?

[Kim Coles]

No, I haven't, but I know you have.

[Erica Alexander]

No, I have. I mean, well, I wanted to. There were times I didn't think that I had the time. Well, maybe I had the money, the effort, the time. Like, those things are mixed. I was on a set of dream girls. I was on a set of dream girls. Cause Richard Lyons, my friend, was one of the dialogue coaches.

[Kim Coles]

One of the dialogue coaches, Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

I was a photographer. I asked, hey, man, I'd like to take pictures. Cause I take photos. Y' all don't know. I am a amateur photographer, which I feel more like a pro because I've taken them for years on set. You get bored, so I bring my camera and take portraits. And so he got the okay from the director that I could come and take pictures. And I was taking pictures, and everybody's cool. Jamie Foxx was cool. I go up and ask. I introduced myself to everybody, including Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson and Nika Noni Rose and was taking pictures. And there was this time I was sitting At a table. And Beyonce was sitting at the table. And she was in this building, beautiful ice blue gown, looking young and pretty. And I had my poo poo. And I'm taking a few. You know, I know how to do it. And I get these shots, and I can still see them in my mind's eye, how she looked. And then I went on my business. And suddenly some officious man, some young white dude comes up. He's a PR specialist. I'm gonna need that film. I said, excuse me. Your film. I'm gonna need it. Give it to me. I say, wait a minute. I'm here. I'm a guest. The director told me, well, no, I don't know anything about that. I said, well, I don't even know who you are, but I got an okay. And I've been here. This is my second day here, you know. He said, well, I'm gonna need it. And so the good girl in me thought, I don't want to cause no problems. Cause Richard is there. And I certainly don't want anybody to hear that, you know, I'm a problem. So I pull out the roll, and that's film.

[Kim Coles]

You open your camera.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. I pull out the roll, pull out the roll, you know, I mean, and give it to him. I never saw those pictures again. And I remember trying to get them back. I called my own lawyer and said, you gotta call, you know, PR at the studio and tell him. And he said, erica, I can do that, but are you gonna die on this hill? I said, this is my stuff. He took it, and he wasn't supposed to. And he said, yeah, but you know what? You probably won't get it. And by the time I lay a su. Do you really want this to happen? And I believe he was saying, it ain't gonna happen. They're not gonna give you that. They're gonna say you are unauthorized or whatever. And I realized I couldn't win. So it only exists this beautiful, beautiful picture of Beyonce in this ice blue. But just the way it looked. It looked like Audrey Hepburn was beautiful. And I've never seen a picture like that. From there, they didn't have a photographer on set.

[Kim Coles]

Time plus.

[Erica Alexander]

Cause I'm embedded with the cast.

[Kim Coles]

They know you shots that other people can get.

[Erica Alexander]

So it hurt my. The IP is gone. And no, I didn't have the time. The effort. I certainly didn't have the money. I might have had the time, but he didn't have the time. My lawyer didn't have the time. And that's why this new indie sort of power is sweeping the creative nation.

[Kim Coles]

Create it and keep it yourself.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, Kim, I do everything out of my car. I do everything. It's my office, it's my studio, it's my nap.

[Kim Coles]

And shockingly, not where we're recording this podcast.

[Erica Alexander]

Don't spoil season two. Oh, but seriously, I take my calls, I write scripts, I do table reads. All from the car.

[Kim Coles]

I know. I do the same thing. My car is like my home, just with better acoustics and less judgment. You know I don't sing.

[Erica Alexander]

I do. I do. And that's why your car can't just be functional. It has to fit your whole vibe. That's right.

[Kim Coles]

And Lexus understood the assignment. I mean, I'm talking about the lx.

[Erica Alexander]

Woo.

[Kim Coles]

Luxury to the max. There's poor wood trim, massaging seats, and wait a minute, retractable ottoman.

[Erica Alexander]

Come on, a whole ottoman, y'. All. Plus, it's hybrid, so it's smart, sustainable. And the storage. Mm, chef's kiss. I even have a table for writing.

[Kim Coles]

And it's a rolling sanctuary that helps you move through life with excellence.

[Erica Alexander]

And you know, Lexus has always been excellent, even back in the 90s. Just like us.

[Kim Coles]

Because that's the standard of amazing.

[Erica Alexander]

Hey, friends. Summer is winding down. Can you believe it? But there's something about this time of year that makes me want to clear the clutter, reset, and get my space back in order. And lucky for us, Wayfair makes all of that a breeze. Whether you need to cozy up your bedding, upgrade your linens, or finally tackle that hallway closet, Wayfair is your one stop shop. And if your home office needs some love, desk, chairs, bookcases, Wayfair's got it for way less. Now. Me, I'm always on the go. So when I'm home, I need everything to have a place. Storage is my love language. And Wayfair helps me stay stylish and organized. Plus, shipping fast, hassle free. Just how I like it. Wayfair has everything your home needs this season. Want to spruce up your fall decor? Wayfair's got it. Need new kitchen essentials for the holidays that are coming up. Wayfair's got it. And if you're like me and need storage for every space, you guessed it, Wayfair's got it. There's something for every style in every home. No matter your space or budget. Get organized, refreshed, and back to routine. For way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. It's September, y'. All. Fall is officially on the horizon, which means it's the best time for fashion. The layers, the boots, the drama. But before you drop a whole check on a new wardrobe, remember this. You don't have to buy it all to wear it all. Nuuly lets you rent the styles you want, rock them for the season, then switch it up when the mood or the weather changes. Nuuly is a subscription clothing rental Service. For just $98 a month, you get your choice of any six styles each month. You pick what you want, when you want for whatever you've got going on. Weddings, work, brunch, vacay. It's your call. Access to thousands of styles from hundreds of brands. Everything from statement pieces to everyday FL high. We're talking labels like brave, a daughter Lisa says, Ga Reformation, Free people for love and lemons and more. Even vintage. Even denim that fits like it knows your life. Inclusive sizing up to 5x plus tall, petite and maternity options. Come on now. Everybody deserves to feel cute. Fast. Free shipping and returns. And everything gets professionally cleaned at Nuuly's top tier laundry facility. So you can skip the laundry drama and just live. And if you fall in love with something, and you will, you can buy it at a discount. Thank you. Wardrobe upgrade. Renting from Nuuly means you get to wear more while spending less. That I need something new feeling before a trip or event. Nuuly handles that with style. Nuuly is a great deal at $98 a month for six styles. But right now you can get $28 off your first month with the code single. Just head over to n U-L-Y.com that's Nuuly with two U's, and use the code single when you sign up. That's n U-U-L-Y.com code single. Get $28 off your first month. Newly subscription clothing rental. Change your clothes. Welcome to the Reverb brought to you by Lexus. This is where we reflect, connect, and talk about how the episode's themes still echo in the culture. Because just like our stories, Lexus keeps raising the bar. That's the standard of amazing. So Kim Tarana Burke famously started the MeToo movement, but it was in 2006, but they didn't really hit until 2017, which was basically saying that, you know, women were being sexually assaulted, harassed, inappropriate.

[Kim Coles]

Behavior, which has been happening since the beginning of time.

[Erica Alexander]

Absolutely.

[Kim Coles]

But we know that it culminated at this time and now women were standing up, and men too, but it was, you know, really women. Because this has been happening over and over and over and again saying, enough.

[Erica Alexander]

But what was the Wild West? Because the 90s, before the MeToo, all of these things happened that seemed very normal to us or we had to live with. Yeah, it wasn't normal. It was just what life was. So I guess that does mean it's normal. It was what, the way it was done. It was the way it was done.

[Kim Coles]

Like auditions in hotel rooms.

[Erica Alexander]

Exactly.

[Kim Coles]

I've gone to an audition in a hotel room.

[Erica Alexander]

Most of my auditions were in hotel rooms.

[Kim Coles]

Really?

[Erica Alexander]

You didn't rent a space. You went to the hotel where the director was staying and you'd either meet them in the hotel room and the casting director would usually be there. But also I remember the chairs being lined up in the hotel hall with the other actors. And it never occurred to me that anything bad could happen to me that.

[Kim Coles]

You'Re in this man's bedroom or suite.

[Erica Alexander]

Cause it was always that way. I mean, and now it just sounds crazy if you have an audition in a hotel room. We also had a lot of late nights with producers. There were no hours. So if you're a performer, there are no nine to five, right? You go, whatever. 10 o' clock you go and you're there auditioning as a comedian.

[Kim Coles]

I'm at the club late at night, if a club manager wants to go, hey, sit down at the bar and have a little something, something with me. If I was going for that, I could go for that. I could be like, okay, I'll sit and have a drink with you. You think, hey, let me talk about your career. Those things happen all the time. Early, early in my career in New York, this hairdresser that I had, and this is, I just started doing standup. This hairdresser said, there's a party I want, There's a guy I know that wants to invite you to a party. And I was like, oh, yeah, great. Do my hair and I'll go to the party. Do my hair and I'll go. So I got pretty for this party and I took a guy with me. So he said that he was, he wanted to help models as, you know, at the time I was a plus size model, which was, you know, becoming a, a new thing and you know, like a really formalized thing. And so I took a guy with me from the agency. They had, you know, plus size women and plus size men. So I took one of the guys who I said, they're looking for models, so come on, let's go. I had no idea that I was being set up to go and, you know, cocktails with this man. I remember when he invited me into. It was like an office space he had. He saw me, and then he saw the guy. And he got so mad. He was like. He was angry the whole time. So. So I said, well, sit down with me. We're gonna sit and talk to this guy about, you know, it was like a party kind of, whatever. And I remember him being so mad. And he did say to me that. He says, you know, let me tell you what this business is about. It's about sex, drugs and rock and roll. I'm like, I'm not interested in any of those from you, sir. Whatever. And then he. And then I left. But I think I was set up by her to go and meet this man. And he got mad, like I said. Cause I brought protection.

[Erica Alexander]

That definitely happened to me. I was in Paris.

[Kim Coles]

What.

[Erica Alexander]

And a producer, I'll just say, picked me up. Cause I was staying at the writer Jean Claude Carrier's house, who's a sweetheart, and had me there. And I think they wanted me to go because they were having a party. And so for whatever reason. So he was supposed to pick me up. And I don't know. I was young. I was like 18 for a couple of hours. And he took me to his apartment. It's so funny that when you're saying that he took me to his apartment. And then I was very. You know, I can be very sort of. I can withhold.

[Kim Coles]

Oh, yes.

[Erica Alexander]

Because I didn't even know what to do. And I think once he saw that I wasn't gonna be like on him. I don't know what he thought. He said, okay. And he had driven me there. I had to take the Metro back. And I remember going, I feeling weird. Like, why did he seem so nice? And then it sort of just turned off. And then I was sort of like, bye. But I think that. Yeah, I think that that was it. Maybe that's the closest I've come to something. Well, whatever exists in real life, anywhere else, in any industry or corporation, exists here. I don't want to make it like.

[Kim Coles]

It'S not even just Hollywood.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. Hollywood. It was very little to do with it. It's just, you know, people take advantage of vulnerable people.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

By the way, women aren't the only ones who are faced with predators. Men. It happens to men. Sure.

[Kim Coles]

And they're starting to speak. And, you know, Women will go, ooh, nice Package. Or, let me bounce a quarter off that. Yeah, it happens.

[Erica Alexander]

And there's a lot of silence because men are embarrassed. It's a stigma. If someone comes onto you, what do you do if you tell. What are you some punk but, you know, some dude? Come on, you can't take care of that.

[Kim Coles]

Right.

[Erica Alexander]

And so the Me Too movement, and it's really essential. Package was talking about things that up until that point, people weren't believed. And also, you weren't protected. And I think society now, from now and then, has changed.

[Kim Coles]

Absolutely.

[Erica Alexander]

I hope it has changed.

[Kim Coles]

I had a situation that I don't ever talk about where someone was very aggressive with me. You know, there was no touching, but it was very aggressive. And there was a lot of it. And it happened quite a bit. And I remember telling my agent, well, I want to sue. I want. Can I do something? And he said, I'm sitting at my desk and I'm looking at a stack of papers as thick as a phone book, if y' all remember phone books. And he said, and this actress will never work again whether it's true or not true. It was his client. I'm sure he believed her. I hope he believed her. He said, she'll never work again after this lawsuit, and I would advise that you not do it. So here's two things about that. Is that the boys club just protecting.

[Erica Alexander]

Another boy or the system protecting the.

[Kim Coles]

System, Protecting somebody in power? By the way, that actress did work again. She hasn't worked a lot, but she's been around. But I wonder if her career would have had the trajectory that it would have had had she not had this lawsuit.

[Erica Alexander]

What's happening nowadays is that now people have more agency and power to say something. It doesn't mean that. And we've had huge systemic changes. But I think just awareness and talking about a conversation.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah, awareness is up and people's radars are up.

[Erica Alexander]

Now do we feel safer in today's Hollywood than. Maybe. Then here's the thing, in context. I always felt safe. That might be a wrong way to think, but it depends on how much agency you had. It might have been a false premise to feel safe, because safe is sometime how you carry yourself. I think my edge that people see is because I've been in a lot of spaces alone, by myself. I have to speak up for myself. I have got to make sure that I'm protected. I didn't have agents or reps with me, and probably most agents or reps, because I didn't have that kind of relationship. Never knew what was happening with me. That said, it did not mean that I was ever safe. Then I was blessed and highly favored. To be clear.

[Kim Coles]

I'm gonna, I'm gonna say something that somebody's gonna push back on. I feel safer because I'm older, you know. You know, when you're the young ingenue. When you're the young, new, new bile. Whatever the new, you know, it happened more when I was younger. You know, men would say something and try something. See if you go for it, you know, it helps when you're a comedian. You could just laugh. Oh. And get, get out of there. Like I used, used humor to deflect so much. Now that I think about it, I used that to, you know, but you know, I think so I had, I was more susceptible or more in danger when I was younger also when I was traveling as a stand up comedian. So like you, when you go the road, you go by yourself. You know, I always think about how unprotected I felt after coming from a comedy club late at night. So I feel an older woman. They're going to be a little less something.

[Erica Alexander]

Maybe that's what I feel too. I feel better in my. But by the way, if we were just talking about assaults and everything that happens to everybody.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

And you also feel weaker because you're older.

[Kim Coles]

Right.

[Erica Alexander]

Sometimes.

[Kim Coles]

Keep doing my, keep doing my squats.

[Erica Alexander]

Right.

[Kim Coles]

Keep doing my squats.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. But you, you learn. It's like you're an old lion or lion.

[Kim Coles]

Nobody want this old stuff.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. And they do. Because it's never been about whether you were attractive. It's about power. It's about power and it's about you.

[Kim Coles]

And about their insecurity.

[Erica Alexander]

Their insecurity and yeah. That type of darkness. Do we feel like younger actresses and actors are coming into a safer industry?

[Kim Coles]

I think they're coming into a more aware industry. Like I said before, I think there are. People will think twice before they try it. Try it. Do you know what I'm saying? Because they know that there are ramifications of doing that. So I'm not saying the urges aren't still there. The insecurities, the need for power isn't still there. But I think that a lot of that probably has gone a little underground because they know that there's a system in place that people can activate in order to have their rights handled.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. But you know what? Here's the system that's in place that's doing the most this.

[Kim Coles]

Woo. Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

The power of People recording, videoing, you know, placing things around them to say, yeah, next time. I got you. You did it once. I'm gonna get you the next time, and I'm gonna have proof. And we're in a world now that polices itself partly because it's assuming that it is being seen at all times. We're talking about sexually, but also if you're black. How many times have we seen people record and say, thank God that somebody was recording. Oh, my goodness, all black, white and otherwise. They'll stand. I got you, sir. I am recording this. It is active stream live, right?

[Kim Coles]

Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

And it's real.

[Kim Coles]

Do you think this episode has aged well?

[Erica Alexander]

I think it's in a time capsule that it is of its time. And yet because it's done from a female point of view, it's less harsh. If we saw it like that played out and you just flipped the script and she wasn't Khadijah, she wasn't Latifah. Then we'd have. I'd probably be looking at it like, wow, look how easy she was. Like, she don't have time, effort or money, so she's not gonna be able to do anything, you know, and it.

[Kim Coles]

Still speaks to the problem that's happening today, that we have to think about it, talk about it and be aware of it. So that to me. So maybe it's. I don't know if it holds up per se, or if it is the same as. But we're still talking about it today. So I guess it. Yeah, I guess it still matters.

[Erica Alexander]

Entertainment has no vetting process. Anybody can put up a sign, a sticker, give you a hand, you a business card and say they do this or that and represent themselves as false.

[Kim Coles]

Especially if you're new in the business and you don't know, you don't want. There's a thousand billion stories of people getting fresh off the bus or fresh in town, you know, with, you know, 100 doll in their suitcase and ready to become a star. And people prey on that.

[Erica Alexander]

Nowadays we have sexual harassment training and we took our first training at living single. We laughed through the whole thing.

[Kim Coles]

We laughed through the whole thing.

[Erica Alexander]

That's what's different. We didn't even take it seriously.

[Kim Coles]

We didn't. I don't know. I think. I don't know if we should say that we did that. We laughed at it because we were like. We would never be inappropriate with each other. We would only be respectful. Our guys loved us and respect. And you know what? We listen. We would tease Them about looking good. Ooh, you look good today. Okay. All right, T.C. but it was done in a respectful, loving way. And. Okay, John. Okay, I'm gonna rub your head today. You know, like, you know, it was. It was done in the way, but.

[Erica Alexander]

The problem is that we were the stars, so we definitely are definitely. If there's a hierarchy, we can't account for what the background players or people in positions of PAs were experiencing. And so I think for that reason, you get that type of training now. So everybody's put on blast that at each place, the department, you are responsible for your behavior. And it doesn't matter who comes on if it's within the confines of this space. These are our policies. This is what we expect. And they've got to. Partly because they don't want to be sued, but they also want to be held accountable and responsible for their workers and employees. And that's a smart thing.

[Kim Coles]

It is. Now you have to.

[Erica Alexander]

So keep your hands off my ass. Amber, last time I'm telling you, there's intimacy coordinators, and I had one.

[Kim Coles]

You've experienced that. I've never had this.

[Erica Alexander]

Basically, they knocked on the door, and they said, hi, we're here to talk to you about. You're gonna do a scene. And we just. And I go, oh, God. I'm have to invite them into my trailer. And I come to my trailer, and then they go, so any place that you don't want to be touched or. And I realized then that no one had ever asked me that question at all. And that's why it felt weird. I usually go in. You're like, hey, touch wherever. But no one had ever asked my permission. The assumption is just because you got the job that you'd allow it. But then people are also being triggered and. Or not asked where. You go to the other person and say, listen, she's asked not to do this or that. She's down for this or that. And so everybody kind of just gets some kind of level playing field before.

[Kim Coles]

They go into the Just being safe with each other. Like, what's.

[Erica Alexander]

What's safe here, by the way? What is your safe word? Yeah, if you had a safe word.

[Kim Coles]

What would your safe word be?

[Erica Alexander]

Ouch. I mean, is that. Is that a safe word? No. Okay, what would yours be then?

[Kim Coles]

Sassafras. There's no bones about it. You know exactly that you. Because who says.

[Erica Alexander]

Who says sassafras? Maybe anybody could say ouch. So it has to be, like, supercalifagous. Uh.

[Kim Coles]

Oh, right.

[Erica Alexander]

Cut. We went into that, didn't we, Kim? Yeah.

[Kim Coles]

Hey, is it time for true blue?

[Erica Alexander]

True blue. Let's go. True blue.

[Kim Coles]

Come on now. Hey, Amber, I know you have a true blue question for us all ready to go. Let's go.

[Erica Alexander]

I do have a true blue question.

[Kim Coles]

Ready to go for y'.

[Erica Alexander]

All. So this question, it comes from chef and they ask. Hi, Kim and Erica. My question is for the both of you. Kim and Erica, were Overton and Kyle similar to the types of guys you each dated outside of the show, or were they polar opposites? No, except that they were good, decent people. So that. And the same in character. Absolutely. But not in personality?

[Kim Coles]

I'd say yes and no. They each had qualities and characteristics that I have found in men that I have dated.

[Erica Alexander]

You dated a balladeer, Somebody who sings. That's real. Right, right.

[Kim Coles]

I have. I did, I did. See? And I've dated, you know, good old fashioned regular guys like. Like Overton, like, just nice. He's a salt of the earth kind of guy. Yeah, I've dated salt of the earth kind of guys.

[Erica Alexander]

Yes, you still were.

[Kim Coles]

I was bored. I was bored. Of course you're bored by salt. Salt of the earth. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you want someone with some. Salt of the earth is nice for protection and for settling down and for. There's someone who wanted to marry me. And I wanted to be married so bad. I'm so glad we didn't get married. I would have been bored out of my.

[Erica Alexander]

Well, you know, it's like, hey, hey, babe, you wanted a chicken fried steak tonight. Or you want to really go all out and pull out those steaks.

[Kim Coles]

But those guys, in the end, most times can't manage the life that we have, you know?

[Erica Alexander]

No, no, that's the problem.

[Kim Coles]

Sometimes you're gonna get photographed, sometimes you're gonna be, you know, and most times, places we go, I'm gonna get noted. Like, I had a guy just like, would they stop coming up to the table? I go, that's not gonna happen. I'm Kim Coles.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah.

[Kim Coles]

And they would get really like, I gotta be. I'm going to be gracious to these people. So you're gonna have to figure it out. And they're like, I'm out.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah, well, the minute they say, you know, I can't imagine how you deal with this all the time. You already know that we're not gonna make it.

[Kim Coles]

We're not gonna make it. It.

[Erica Alexander]

It's like, cuz. Yeah, that is my knock all the time.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah.

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah.

[Kim Coles]

I actually Had a guy break up with me and said he was a. A private investigator. And he said, you know, I. I live my life in the shadows. You know, I. I can't handle this. I live. It's a private. He literally said, I live my life in the shadows. I. I can't do this. I said, you came close to the light, baby.

[Erica Alexander]

You came all up in all about the shadow lands.

[Kim Coles]

He was. He was drawn to the light, but needed to go back to the shadow.

[Erica Alexander]

Hello? Yeah, I'm taking shadows. Thank you, true detective. You know what I mean?

[Kim Coles]

I live my life in the shadows. Retreat. Retreat.

[Erica Alexander]

Retreat.

[Kim Coles]

You dated.

[Erica Alexander]

We have one more question, and this is from Maria, and I'm just going to just say this part, but she.

[Kim Coles]

Says, latina's here, so she's st. You always say that. We did very well in the Latino houses.

[Erica Alexander]

We were number one for five years in the Latino episodes. As far as I'm concerned, they are our people.

[Kim Coles]

They are?

[Erica Alexander]

Yes. All right, well, one of our people are here. Maria. Latina here. My sister and I grew up watching your show and absolutely loved it. Living single has yet to be matched. She asks, what piece of advice today would you share with your younger selves before starting living single that could potentially have a different impact on your careers today?

[Kim Coles]

Yeah. Let's say it at the same time, without knowing. Save your money. Save all your money.

[Erica Alexander]

All your money.

[Kim Coles]

Don't buy any designer stuff. I bought a house. I helped my mother buy a house.

[Erica Alexander]

That's right.

[Kim Coles]

That's all I should have bought.

[Erica Alexander]

And my mother, too, but that's all I should have. And you know what? The truth is, I started a whole production company in my house.

[Kim Coles]

You did.

[Erica Alexander]

That's what I spent my. I had the same Nissan Maxima you did for that hold for the longest time. But you know what? I didn't know how to manage that, so I could manage to do more with it. I was trying to invest. Weren't you trying to invest in yourself?

[Kim Coles]

I was. I did a play. I traveled with the show. I had other projects and things. I started building other things. I made sure all those actors got paid. And.

[Erica Alexander]

That's right, Kim, I remember you saying, I gotta pay for this play.

[Kim Coles]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And they got hot lunches every day. Ask Shawn Baker. Come on. Good for you. I would not. I would not shop nearly as much as I did.

[Erica Alexander]

Oh, for sure. But also, we thought it would never end.

[Kim Coles]

Oh, I thought, why would it end?

[Erica Alexander]

Yeah. And it wasn't like you didn't think it was End. But you just thought that you had a long road. But once you were discovered and you were doing so well, and everybody's saying you're doing well, okay, there'll be other opportunities.

[Kim Coles]

I thought it would last forever in that way, that I would go on to the next big, big thing.

[Erica Alexander]

And often that is the opportunity. And most people don't see that. But you know what? The truth is, we're here.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah. And, you know, I wouldn't. So I'll say this. That's the advice I would give. But I would not change any step of my journey. Not any step. I couldn't be who I am today if I hadn't had that experience of bill collectors calling your house. And my name really is Kim Coles.

[Erica Alexander]

Right.

[Kim Coles]

You know, like, hey, Sinclair, how are you? Like, okay.

[Erica Alexander]

Woo, woo, woo.

[Kim Coles]

Yes, I know I owe some money. It's. It's horrible, and it's wonderful, and I'm grateful for every, Every, every.

[Erica Alexander]

God bless you. I would. I would Skip steps. Skip 5, 9, 2A.

[Kim Coles]

No, you wouldn't.

[Erica Alexander]

The prequel.

[Kim Coles]

You wouldn't be who you were.

[Erica Alexander]

I'm good with that.

[Kim Coles]

You would change stuff.

[Erica Alexander]

I think the core of me would always exist, but, hell, yeah, I'd skip some stuff. Let me just say that there are things that I would change. Not. I regret that I would change, because hindsight is 20 20. But I'm like, kim, I do appreciate the journey, but I'm a quick Lear.

[Kim Coles]

I got that lesson. I got that lesson.

[Erica Alexander]

I could have just had a guide. That's what I want, though. That's what this is partly about, Kim. Trying to give people a guide so they can say, hey, look, they talked about that. So I'm more ready to have those conversations.

[Kim Coles]

Yeah, I think there's something in that, too. That if, you know, they always say that whatever lesson you don't get now, it's coming again, and it's gonna come bigger and harder and harder and harder. And so I'm like, you know what, universe? I got this lesson. It don't need to come no harder.

[Erica Alexander]

Than this right here.

[Kim Coles]

I'm gonna go ahead and get this. I'm gonna go ahead and.

[Erica Alexander]

I got a master's degree and a doctorate.

[Kim Coles]

I'm good. So it doesn't need to be more difficult. And you don't need to lock it in. It's locked in already. Because, you know, sometimes you get locked. Let me see if you really got that lesson. You don't need to lock it in. Locked in.

[Erica Alexander]

Cha. King chicken.

[Kim Coles]

It's locked in. I'm good, I'm good. I got that one. Got that one. Check. Tick. Let's move on to the next because there's so much. There's so much. There's so much. And we're just getting started, Erica, whether you believe it or not, we're just getting started.

[Erica Alexander]

See you on the other side.

[Kim Coles]

See you on the other side. Lord, thank you for the True Blue questions to Che e gracias por Susan. Listen, you may want to get your question on the True Blue. Who wouldn't want to have their question answered right here with us? So all you have to do is send your questions where, Erica? Where do they have to go?

[Erica Alexander]

Send them to reliving single podcastartbeat.com and we'll look out for them.

[Kim Coles]

We sure will. That's our show.

[Erica Alexander]

That's our show. Kim, make sure that you follow us on all our socials at Reliving Single Podcast and listen and Watch us on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts and wherever you get your podcast.

[Kim Coles]

And don't forget to like and subscribe and watch all the way through. We love you for being here with us. You know what? We're gonna see y' all next week.

[Erica Alexander]

Whether you like it or not.

[Kim Coles]

They love it.

[Erica Alexander]

Reliving Single is hosted by me, Eric Alexander and me, Kim Coles. Reliving Single is a production of Heartbeat in association with Color Farm Media, executive.

[Kim Coles]

Produced by Kevin Hart, Jeff Clanagan, Eric Eddings, Leslie Guam, Erica Alexander and Ben Arnaud.

[Erica Alexander]

The show is produced by Kim Coles.

[Kim Coles]

Amber Watson is our senior producer.

[Erica Alexander]

Our associate producer is Kenny Jackson.

[Kim Coles]

Our other associate producer is Electra Telesford. Our video editor is Nee Kirschman.

[Erica Alexander]

Our sound engineers are Eric Hicks and Cedric Wilson.

[Kim Coles]

Production supervision by Razak Boykin and Brett Calkins.

[Erica Alexander]

Additional production support from Alex Atkins and Z. Taylor.

[Kim Coles]

Special thanks to BK Augustine and Dr. E.J. johnson. Packages by Expedia. You were made to occasionally take the hard route to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

[Erica Alexander]

We were made to easily bundle your trip Expedia Made to travel flight inclusive.

[Kim Coles]

Packages are atoll protected.