Podcast Summary

Podcast: Rena Malik, MD Podcast

Host: Dr. Rena Malik
Guest: Caitlin V. Neal (certified sexuality coach and sex educator)
Episode: Moment: How Average-Sized Men Can Create Deep Pleasure (Without Crazy Positions)
Date: December 3, 2025
Main Theme:
How men with average (or even below-average) size penises can foster sexual pleasure and satisfaction for both themselves and their partners—without needing to rely on complicated, acrobatic sexual positions. The conversation blends science, practicality, and approachable intimacy advice to bust myths and provide actionable steps for optimized sex lives.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Myth and Reality of Sexual Positions

• Overrated Focus on Positions: Caitlin V. Neal shares that the obsession with finding "new" positions is largely unnecessary.
  • Quote: “There are five positions total and everything else is a variation... If you rule out the acrobatic positions, there really are maybe five positions for you to focus on. And every other piece of that is adjustment.” (D, 01:31)
• Personalization Through AB Testing: She advocates for simple experimentation—or “AB testing”—to find optimal variations within basic positions.
  • Strategy Example: “Missionary flat on a bed” versus “Missionary with a pillow under her hips” as Condition A and B. Continue tweaking details like pillow thickness, placement, and angles to discover what works (D, 02:16).
• Tuning Sensation with Friction: Adjust lubrication levels to tailor sensation. Sometimes removing excess lube can help amplify friction, but only if both partners are comfortable (D, 02:41).

2. Anatomical Variation & Fit

• Unique Pairings: Every body is different—penises, vaginas, levels of lubrication, and sensitivity.
  • Quote: “The only way to figure out how these two bodies go together is to trial and see what happens.” (D, 05:01)
• Variability in Orgasm and Sensitivity: Anatomy and nerve distribution (e.g., the distance between clitoris and vaginal canal) make each person's pleasure thresholds unique (C, 05:40).

3. Porn vs. Real-Life Sex

• Unrealistic Expectations: Porn stars are professionals with teams, editing, and warm-ups—mirroring them is as absurd as trying to do a circus routine at home. Warm-up routines are crucial for safety and comfort (D, 06:23).
  • Quote: “That would be like going to Cirque du Soleil and then leaving your home and being like, I think we should do acrobatic backbends now, honey. Like, no, those folks warm up. They’re trained.” (D, 06:23)

4. The Importance of Synchrony

• Scientific Backing: Synchrony—like moving or breathing together—improves intimacy. Activities outside the bedroom (yoga, partner dancing) enhance connection inside it (D, 07:00).
  • Quote: “Whenever we've done either one of those, the sex that we have is off the charts exceptional. And it’s not because we did anything differently in the bedroom. It’s all the ways that we got in sync outside of the bedroom first.” (D, 07:24)

5. Premature Ejaculation: Understanding and Solutions

[08:28] Discussion starts

• Tension is Central: Most premature ejaculation stems from both physical and mental tension.
  • Quote: “If I was to give one word definition to premature ejaculation or what really causes it, it’s tension.” (D, 08:40)
• Mind-Body Practices: Breathwork, body awareness, and “somatic experiencing” reconnect the brain and pelvic floor to improve control.
• Masturbation Habits: Many men “train” themselves to finish quickly (e.g., sneaking quick sessions as teens), and these habits carry into partnered sex.
  • “The way that you practice is the way that you play.” (D, 10:24)
  • Extending solo sessions (e.g., aiming for 15 minutes) helps in partnered settings (C, 14:48).
• Using Timers Wisely: Tools like vibrating strokers with built-in timers can encourage longer sessions—but may also increase anxiety (C, 11:35).
• Relax into Pleasure: The goal isn’t to “tolerate” pleasure but to relax into it and gain control (C, 12:51).

6. Making Masturbation a Training Tool for Better Sex

[15:39] Discussion starts

• Erotic Blueprints Approach: Explore masturbation through multiple sensory channels (energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, shapeshifter; D, 15:51).
  • Energetic: Cultivate awareness before touch (“I can feel my hand and I can feel my arm, even though [they're] not touching.” - D, 16:22)
  • Sensual: Use all five senses—clear your space, set the mood (music, candle, fan)—to create a sensory experience (D, 18:03; C, 18:36).
  • Quote: “Lube is cheap … get a nice lube… Treat [masturbation] like a self care routine.” (D, 18:05)
• Upgrade Technique: Experiment with touch, use both hands, try different textures, try toys, and incorporate visualization or fantasy instead of relying on porn (D, 18:47).
  • “Treat [your penis] like someone you love.” (D, 18:47)
• Move Beyond "Whacking Off": Slow down and be mindful; don’t simply “jerk off”—engage your whole body and senses (C, 21:13; D, 21:35).
  • “So much of our masturbation, both men and women, is so genital focused and it like ignores every other nerve ending that we have…” (D, 21:35)
• Body-Wide Pleasure: The whole body can be erogenous; experiment beyond the genitals (C, 21:45).
  • “You can orgasm without ever touching your genitals.” (C, 22:03)
• Guided Practices Help: Use guided meditations (orgasmic meditation, body scans, etc.) if learning mindful masturbation feels daunting (D, 22:06).
• Challenge Stigma: Prioritizing a healthy sex life is important, and self-directed care should be normalized, not stigmatized (C, 22:32).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Simplifying Sex:
  • “There are five positions total and everything else is a variation... adjustment.” (D, 01:31)
• Every Couple is Unique:
  • “The only way to figure out how these two bodies go together is to trial and see what happens.” (D, 05:01)
• Regarding Porn:
  • “That would be like going to Cirque du Soleil and then ... I think we should do acrobatic backbends now, honey.” (D, 06:23)
• Synchrony as Foreplay:
  • “Whenever we’ve done either one of those, the sex that we have is off the charts exceptional...all the ways that we got in sync outside of the bedroom first.” (D, 07:24)
• On Masturbation Habits:
  • “The way that you practice is the way that you play.” (D, 10:24)
  • “Treat [your penis] like someone you love.” (D, 18:47)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:00] – Introduction: Why average-size men worry about deep sexual stimulation.
• [01:11] – The “five positions” concept and AB testing for personalization.
• [02:41] – Micro-adjustments, influence of lubrication, anatomical diversity.
• [06:23] – Pornography and the myth of advanced positions (“Cirque du Soleil” analogy).
• [07:00] – Synchrony: The science and benefits of moving, breathing, exercising together.
• [08:28] – Premature ejaculation: Tension, retraining masturbation, and habit change.
• [15:39] – Making masturbation intentional and using it to improve partnered sex.
• [21:35] – Whole-body pleasure and breaking the genital-focused routine.
• [22:06] – Guided practices for self-awareness and relaxation.
• [22:32] – Encouragement to prioritize sexual self-care outside the bedroom.

Summary Takeaways

• Deep pleasure doesn’t require acrobatics or “porn star” performance—it’s about understanding your partner’s and your own unique fit, making micro-adjustments, and exploring with curiosity.
• Skills learned during intentional, mindful masturbation—slowing down, savoring sensation, and practicing control—translate into better, more confident partnered sex.
• Warm-ups, synchrony, and prioritizing sexual health (through experimentation, care, and mindfulness) lead to the most satisfying sexual relationships—regardless of penis size.