Badass of the Week, with Ben Thompson - Part 2: the Battle of Karánsebes

Summary

Episode Summary: Ridiculous History - "Badass of the Week, with Ben Thompson - Part 2: The Battle of Karánsebes"

Release Date: March 27, 2025
Hosts: Noel Brown and Ben Bolan
Produced by: Max Williams
Published by: iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In the second installment of "Badass of the Week," hosts Noel Brown and Ben Bolan, alongside super producer Max Williams, delve into one of history's most bewildering military blunders: the Battle of Karánsebes. This episode masterfully intertwines meticulous historical analysis with the hosts' signature humor, making a complex and chaotic event both entertaining and enlightening.

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Historical Context

Setting the Stage

The hosts begin by setting the stage for the Battle of Karánsebes, an episode during the Austro-Hungarian Empire’s military campaigns against the Ottoman Empire. They provide a vivid backdrop, highlighting the geopolitical tensions and the looming threat of Ottoman forces in the Balkans. Max Williams explains:

"So he marches his guys through these passes, he surrounds Belgrade and he's going to retake it for the Serbs... But he gets there and he kind of like half-ass surrounds it." ([03:10])

This inadequate military maneuver sets the groundwork for the ensuing chaos.

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The Austro-Hungarian Campaign

Ambitions and Missteps

Emperor Joseph II of the Austro-Hungarian Empire saw himself as the liberator of the Balkans, envisioning mass celebrations upon retaking Belgrade. However, reality starkly contrasted with his expectations. The hosts discuss how Joseph's overconfidence and poor strategic execution led to disastrous consequences:

"This guy doesn't know what he's doing. A lot of the soldiers in this army are... like escaped criminals or, like, fugitives from justice." ([06:44])

Noel Brown humorously likens the situation to unhealthy commodity offerings:

"It's like how diet soda is still soda and some of these people in this town don't want the soda this guy is selling." ([05:13])

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The Battle Explained

Chaos Unfolds

The core of the episode unpacks the infamous night of September 15, 1788. The Austro-Hungarian army, reeling from miscommunication and dwindling morale, finds itself in a precarious defensive position at the Timis Cerna gap near Karansebes. Max Williams narrates the sequence of events leading to the self-inflicted catastrophe:

"They send out a patrol... They see a fire in the distance... They start partying with the Romani people. And then, a shot goes off." ([24:14])

The Hussars, known for their bravado and flamboyant uniforms, inadvertently set the stage for disaster by engaging in revelry rather than maintaining military discipline.

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Leadership and Communication Failures

Failed Commands and Miscommunication

A pivotal moment in the battle was the failed attempt to rally the troops. A gunshot intended to restore order only exacerbated tensions:

"Somebody fires a gun up in the air to try to get everybody's attention. It doesn't work. It drives these guys into a frenzy." ([28:55])

Noel Brown reflects on the inherent xenophobia and paranoia that fueled the mistrust within the ranks:

"There is something about the Xenophobia that's inherent to this... These foreign hordes... stuff gets exaggerated." ([10:27])

The lack of clear communication and the soldiers’ varied backgrounds—ranging from conscripts to criminals—heightened the chaos, culminating in friendly fire and mass confusion.

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Tales of Hussars and Friendly Fire

From Cavalry to Catastrophe

The light cavalry, or Hussars, initially tasked with reconnaissance, became agents of chaos themselves. Their interactions with the Romani camp, marked by unguarded partying and excessive drinking, blurred the lines between military duty and personal indulgence:

"They start paying. They start buying all this stuff. They're having this party, and it gets a little rowdy." ([24:56])

When infantry units attempted to manage the situation, the already tense atmosphere led to spontaneous violence:

"They start shooting at each other, and the army defeats itself and retreats." ([37:54])

This internal strife, driven by misinterpretation and fear, turned what could have been a strategic setback into a full-blown disaster.

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Aftermath and Impact

A Retreat Marred by Self-Destruction

The immediate aftermath saw Emperor Joseph II withdrawing from the battlefield, his reputation tarnished by the debacle:

"Joseph immediately goes home. He's despondent. He has some pulmonary issue, and he dies of it within two years of this battle." ([43:36])

The retreat left behind a disorganized army plagued by low morale, disease, and significant casualties—estimated between 500 to 10,000 dead, missing, or wounded. The chaotic exit strategy further underscored the leadership's failure to maintain control and order.

In the broader scope of the war, the Austro-Hungarian forces eventually regrouped under Prince Josiah of Saxe Coburg, who, with Russian General Alexander Suvarov, managed to reclaim lost territories and conclude the war with a peace treaty in 1791. However, the Battle of Karánsebes remained a stark reminder of the perils of poor leadership and miscommunication in military operations.

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Humorous Interludes and Host Banter

Balancing History with Humor

Throughout the episode, Noel Brown and Ben Bolan infuse humor to lighten the grim historical narrative. Their playful discussions about animated adaptations of the battle and imaginary voice casting for mythical horse characters add a layer of entertainment:

Noel Brown: "It sounds like a frat weekend, like rush weekend gone wrong." ([27:51])

Ben Bolan: "I think John Mulaney would play the more timid horse." ([49:50])

These moments not only engage the audience but also highlight the absurdity of the historical events being discussed.

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Notable Quotes

• Max Williams ([03:10]): "So he marches his guys through these passes, he surrounds Belgrade and he's going to retake it for the Serbs... But he gets there and he kind of like half-ass surrounds it."

• Ben Bolan ([06:44]): "This guy doesn't know what he's doing. A lot of the soldiers in this army are... like escaped criminals or, like, fugitives from justice."

• Noel Brown ([05:13]): "It's like how diet soda is still soda and some of these people in this town don't want the soda this guy is selling."

• Max Williams ([24:14]): "They send out a patrol... They see a fire in the distance... They start partying with the Romani people. And then, a shot goes off."

• Noel Brown ([10:27]): "There is something about the Xenophobia that's inherent to this... These foreign hordes... stuff gets exaggerated."

• Max Williams ([28:55]): "Somebody fires a gun up in the air to try to get everybody's attention. It doesn't work. It drives these guys into a frenzy."

• Noel Brown ([27:51]): "It sounds like a frat weekend, like rush weekend gone wrong."

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

In "Badass of the Week, Part 2: The Battle of Karánsebes," Noel Brown and Ben Bolan, with insightful contributions from Max Williams, unravel the layers of one of history's most ridiculous and self-destructive battles. Through a blend of thorough research, engaging storytelling, and humorous dialogue, the episode underscores the importance of effective leadership and communication in military endeavors. The infamous Battle of Karánsebes serves as a cautionary tale of how ambition and mismanagement can lead to unparalleled chaos and loss.

As the hosts wrap up, they reflect on the broader implications of the battle, emphasizing lessons that transcend time and remain relevant in contemporary discussions about military strategy and organizational leadership.

Noel Brown: "The big takeaway here, Ben, is that we should invade parts of Europe, right?" ([46:04])
Ben Bolan: "So much could go wrong." ([46:14])

The episode not only educates listeners about a bizarre historical event but also entertains them with the hosts' relatable banter and creative analogies. "Badass of the Week, Part 2" is a testament to the podcast's ability to make history accessible and enjoyable for a wide audience.

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For more engaging episodes exploring the most ridiculous stories from history, tune in to Ridiculous History on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Noel Brown]

Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to the show fellow ridiculous historians. Thank you as always so much for tuning super producer Max Williams. Noel Brown, Ben Bolan here we're in media rests on a crazy story.

[Ben Bolan]

It's true. Let's jump right back into our conversation with Ben from Badass of the Week on one of the most ridiculous self owns in the history of combat.

[Max Williams]

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[Larison Campbell]

In Mississippi, Yazoo Clay keeps secrets. Seven thousand bodies out a forgotten asylum cemetery.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

It was my family's mystery.

[Larison Campbell]

Shame, guilt, propriety. Something keeps it all buried deep until it's not. I'm Larison Campbell and this is under Yazoo Clay. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Jay Shetty]

Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty and today my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco.

[Selena Gomez]

What I felt for Benny, it was. Everything about him was honest. He'll tell me anything that he's feeling and it made me feel like I could do the same.

[Ben Bolan]

If we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked.

[Jay Shetty]

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

How?

[Noel Brown]

Go slower.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

From Blumhouse TV, iHeart podcasts and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the FL Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi and what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew? Obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Noel Brown]

So our boy is 4, 47 years old. In a burst of humility, he sees himself as a superhuman figure.

[Max Williams]

Yes? Yes. And so he marches 230,000 soldiers to the border with Turkey or with the Ottoman Empire and launches this attack. He divides them into five armies. And right now at this time period of the story, there's a pretty natural border between the Austro Hungarian Empire and the Ottoman Empire. Generally mountain ranges and rivers, which is usually how we divide up property and humanity. Right. And so he is going to attack into Serbia. He's got a lot of support there. He's going to liberate Belgrade. That's where he wants to go. So he marches his guys through these passes, he surrounds Belgrade and he's going to retake it for the Serbs. And people are pretty excited about this. But he gets there and he kind of like half ass surrounds it. Doesn't do like a, doesn't fully encircle it, doesn't lay siege to it. They don't even say it's a siege because he didn't do it quite right. And then he's getting mad at, he.

[Noel Brown]

Said he was so smart.

[Max Williams]

I know he's writing all these angry letters to the Russians, like where are you guys? I thought you were coming here to help me encircle this. And you know, as he's marching through, he has very limited like Turk resistance on the way to Belgrade. And he's kind of expecting that like I am going to, this is going to be my moment. I am the liberator of the Balkans. I am expanding the Austro Hungarian Empire. I'm going to win a great military victory. And everywhere I go, the Serbian and Croatian and Bosnian people, Romanians, Moldovans, they will be lining the streets with flowers and wine and to celebrate the Emperor arriving to liberate them from the oppression of the Turks.

[Ben Bolan]

Rejoice. It is I come to free you from your bond.

[Max Williams]

Yes. Except all of those people are Orthodox, they're not Catholic, they don't want to be Catholic. And they're not that excited about the Austro Hungarian army marching in. This guy was willing to trade an entire region of his own people. Like he's, he's an enlightened despot, but he's still a despot. And to a lot of these people in this region, this isn't that much better. I just pay my taxes to somebody else now. You know, maybe they don't cut my hand off but like EH6 one have to. We were kind of hoping for the Russians actually or self determination.

[Noel Brown]

Right, right. It's like how diet soda is still sod and some of these people in this town don't want the soda this guy is selling.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. So he's not getting he was expecting, like, you know, flowers and parades and also soldiers to kind of flock, oh, it's here now. It's time for the resistance to rise up. And that doesn't happen for him. And so he doesn't encircle Belgrade. He's stuck there. And it's the middle of summer, and the heat is starting to kill people or get heat exhaustion on people. A couple horrible diseases hit the. Like, plagues, you know, whatever. Malaria or whatever's going on on in the region. There's illness and disease and heat. And his guys start dying, and they haven't even begun the siege yet. He's got 230,000 guys. There's, like 6,000 defender Turks in Belgrade. That's not a lot, right? He outnumbers them massively, but he can't surround them or he doesn't surround them. And he's moving slowly. And his guys are either dropping dead or getting so incapacitated they can't fight or just leaving, being like this. This sucks. Like, this guy doesn't know what he's doing. A lot of the soldiers in this army are, you know, they're. They're either conscripts who are forced to be there, or they're mercenaries who are just there to get paid. And at some point you're like, this isn't worth it. And the other component is there was no background checks to enter the Austro Hungarian Army. So all these guys are like escaped criminals or, like, fugitives from justice or whatever. Like, just like, oh, whatever, I'll join the army.

[Noel Brown]

I'm just laughing because, like, we'll do an episode on French Foreign Legion later.

[Max Williams]

I mean, it's like that. Yeah, exactly.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. But I'm picturing now as just sketch comedy. I'm picturing the interview that someone has joining the army. Like, okay, your CV is looking pretty solid. See, you've done a couple of B and Es, a little bit of heresy.

[Max Williams]

Just the slow pan. Just like the Austrian army assembled, and you do the slow pan across them. And, like, some of the guys are, like, smoking. Some of them are, like sharp sharpening knives. You know.

[Noel Brown]

That'S internal dissension. Right. We already know they're not an ideologically unified force other than, as we pointed out earlier, common cause against the enemy, the Ottoman Empire.

[Max Williams]

Yes. And now things are going badly. Right. They were expecting one thing. They're getting real war, which is not fun and glorious and exciting. It's hard. And then, while they still haven't fully surrounded Belgrade, they get news that the Turks have mobilized and they're sending an army to come fight them. And it's a big one. It's more guys than they thought they were going to have. And it's on the way.

[Noel Brown]

Max, can we get some ominous war on the horizon? Music?

[Max Williams]

Perfect, Perfect. So the Turks have crossed the Danube river into basically Romania, and they are marching for Belgrade. They are going to come and fight for the city, and they're going to come fight the Austro Hungarian Empire. And there's a big one and there's a lot of them. And on the way, you start to see reports coming in first from civilians showing up and being like, the Turks are coming. And they think we wanted you guys here and we asked for you guys here. So they're mad and they're burning stuff and they're enslaving people, they're carrying people off, they're killing people, they're doing bad, they're torturing people, they're burning our farms. It's bad. And there's a lot of them. And they're like, oh, shoot, there's a lot of guys. And then you start to get news from one of those five armies that Joseph had dispatched. He dispatched one to kind of guard his flanks. Some of those guys start showing up. They're like, yeah, there's. Dude, there's a lot of them. And they kick their ass. And we're running and so starts to be worried that the Austrian army in the Banat Basin, which is in Western Romania, they're badly defeated. They break and run. And they get news to Joseph II that like, you've lost this flank. And he's like, okay, we gotta go. Let's abandon, like, you guys stay here at belgrade. I'll take 20,000 guys. I'll rush out to reinforce these retreating troops. Once they see me, they'll all rally, of course, and they'll all fight for me, and I'll lead them on this great military victory against this big army that's coming. Okay. You know, the reports are getting around the camp that any Austro Hungarian soldiers, any Christian soldiers who aren't willing to renounce their faith are being killed by the Turks in various horrifying ways. Like Turkish prison is a meme for a reason. In European warfare, there's rules. The rules get broken constantly, but they at least have them written down.

[Noel Brown]

There's something on paper.

[Max Williams]

Yes. This is illegal, what you're doing. You can't be doing this to me. Oh, ow. Ow.

[Noel Brown]

Right? But there's still, you know, I think this is a very important point about the Xenophobia that's. That's inherent to this. You know, there's. There's now a bunch of people saying, hey, our denominations may differ. We may not speak the same language.

[Max Williams]

But these foreign hordes, yeah, right, they're riding on horses. They have the funny hats, they got the mustaches, doing bad stuff to people, you know, and stuff gets exaggerated, right? Like, maybe. I mean, likely a lot of this stuff isn't happening or at least isn't that common. But the story gets passed around. One guy gets his fingernails pulled out, and all of a sudden everybody's talking about it. You know what I mean? So you get these stories, and it's starting to, you know, these guys are here. They're maybe starting to be a little shaky in their confidence of Joseph ii. They're an enemy. They're in a land that is, you know, enemy controlled. But also, the people here don't really want you there as much as you think they did. So Joseph starts to march out to fight this army with his 20,000 guys to reinforce this falling position. And he gets word as he's marching there that, oh, wait, there's a second Turkish army coming from a different direction, and it's swinging around behind you. Okay, crap. Retreat. Okay, fall back. So they fall back. They abandoned Belgrade. They fall back to the mountain pass that we had talked about before, which was the, like, part of the original border. So, okay, we fall back to the mountains. We are going to find this mountain pass, and we're going to guard this mountain pass. That's what they did at Thermopylae. That's what we're going to do. We'll guard this pass. So they travel to Transylvania in Romania.

[Ben Bolan]

Spooky. Okay, go on.

[Max Williams]

Ominous location. They're in the Timis Cerna gap, which is a mountain pass in southwestern Romania in the Transylvanian Alps near a town called Karansebes. So this is if they're gonna. Like the Turks. He's given up the flatlands to the Turks. You can't really fight them there anyway, because you. At this time period, we're fighting with rifles and bayonets. You can form a square, but it's not like it's not 100% when you form a square. The Turks not only have amazing cavalry, which is a huge advantage in open ground, but they have amazing artillery, which is also awesome in open ground. So they'll blow your squares up with artillery and then ride the horses into the gaps. And you can't stand against that. You don't want to fight the Turks in open ground. You want to fight them in cities or in mountain passes, in fortifications. You can't just march out and engage them.

[Noel Brown]

You want to bottleneck them. You want to force them into a siege attempt, you have to find some sort of. As you were saying, Ben, Some sort of geographic barrier to even the odds a little bit. Because if we're on flat, open ground, you're about to get Istanbul.

[Max Williams]

Yes, exactly.

[Ben Bolan]

Not Constantinople. It's nobody's business.

[Noel Brown]

But we had to do it. We had to do it.

[Ben Bolan]

You can't. It's been in my head the whole time.

[Noel Brown]

The whole time.

[Ben Bolan]

Finally, finally, a moment to drop that ref.

[Noel Brown]

I'm so proud of us for holding.

[Ben Bolan]

To that moment for so long, exercising restraint.

[Noel Brown]

Yes, a little bit. Yeah.

[Max Williams]

I was purposely not using the term, not referring to the capital of the Ottoman Empire.

[Noel Brown]

You knew.

[Max Williams]

You knew because we had to wait. We had to pull that out. The right check engine light on. Take the guesswork out of your check engine light with O'Reilly Varascan. It's free. Ask for O'Reilly Veriscan today. Auto parts.

[Larison Campbell]

There's a type of soil in Mississippi called Yazoo clay. It's thick, burnt orange, and it's got a reputation.

[Selena Gomez]

It's terrible, terrible dirt.

[Larison Campbell]

Yazoo clay eats everything, so things that get buried there tend to stay buried until they're not. In 2012, construction crews at Mississippi's biggest hospital made a shocking discovery.

[Ben Bolan]

7,000 bodies out there or more, all.

[Larison Campbell]

Former patients of the old state asylum, and nobody knew they were there.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

It was my family's mystery.

[Larison Campbell]

But in this corner of the south, it's not just the soil that keeps secrets.

[Max Williams]

Nobody talks about it. Nobody has any information.

[Larison Campbell]

When you peel back the layers of Mississippi's Yazoo clay, nothing's ever as simple as you think.

[Max Williams]

The story is much more complicated and nuanced than that.

[Larison Campbell]

I'm Larison Campbell. Listen to under yazukle on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Jay Shetty]

Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty. And today, my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco. I can't wait for you to hear this episode about their love story, about their relationship like you've never heard it before. I want to go back to the first time you ever met.

[Selena Gomez]

Thank you so much for this.

[Max Williams]

One of the great. Thank you.

[Selena Gomez]

I'm Selena, but we're watching Des.

[Ben Bolan]

When you're a pop star like she is and you're a huge entity and. And people set up all These walls before and then the first second you, like, disarmed everybody.

[Max Williams]

By the way, congratulations on your engagement.

[Selena Gomez]

What I felt for Benny, it was. Everything about him was honest. He'll tell me anything that he's feeling and it made me feel like I could do the same.

[Ben Bolan]

If we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked.

[Jay Shetty]

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Joe Locke]

Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney, and my dear friend Joe Locke from Heartstopper. And Agatha all Along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, the Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun.

[Max Williams]

I like a man.

[Joe Locke]

You like a man. What do I like, Joe?

[Max Williams]

You like a man too.

[Joe Locke]

We often.

[Max Williams]

There's quite similar.

[Joe Locke]

There's some cross pollination happening in here.

[Max Williams]

Not like. No. Have we. No, no, not yet.

[Joe Locke]

Never say never. I cannot wait for all you girls, gays and they to join me on this extremely special pink confection of a podcast. There is so much darkness in this world and what I think we could all use more of is a little joy. Listen to the Dylan hour on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts love.

[Max Williams]

So he's fallen back, he's marched out. He hasn't really engaged the enemy. There's one side of his enemy, of his force has been defeated. He's falling back already to the border. And now he's in this mountain pass that connects the. The plain, which is in the Romanian area, to the, the Hungarian plain, which is his empire. Right now these guys are marching and they're, they're burning and destroying things. Now he's got, he's not attacking any, any enemy positions. He's not liberating Serbia. He's defending his own lands now from the Turks who are coming to get revenge on him. Okay, there's a lot of them and we don't know how many there are. We don't know where they're coming from, but they're out there. Okay, so this brings us. All of this is to set the stage for the night of September 15, 1788, which, like most things in history and in current events, we talked about this with, when I was on to talk about the Kung Fu Werewolf, you guys dealt with this with the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. The story here is the events are uncertain and debated. We can't agree on things that are happening in the world right now as a society. So understanding exactly what happened at various time periods of history is tricky. Also, the version I will tell is the official version of the story of the battle of Chiron Sebes that has been recounted over and over again for the last couple of centuries. I feel like that's a safe place to start. Okay.

[Ben Bolan]

Okay.

[Max Williams]

It is late at night, September 15, 1788. The army is camped up. You've got 172,000 men who have assembled. They've had this false start with. They had to go back. They came out. They didn't really meet the enemy, but they're already losing. They're not confident in their commanders. They've fallen back to this location. They're not really sure what's going on. Joseph the Second is in camp with them. Probably doing his Joseph the Second thing.

[Noel Brown]

Guys, I'm so great at.

[Max Williams]

I just haven't had a chance to fight these guys yet.

[Ben Bolan]

Super genius.

[Noel Brown]

I've heard you've all heard about despots, but my bros. I'm enlightened. Yes. I'm a real.

[Ben Bolan]

Can we take a quick moment? A despot, like, that's sort of a dated term. Maybe it's not. I guess people refer to certain dictator, but is there a difference between a dictator and a despot? Despot usually refers to someone with royal blood, right?

[Max Williams]

I don't know. I mean, I do think of Dr. Doom. That was what you said when we brought up despot. I always feel like it has this negative connotation, but I'm not. I'm not certain. Could be one of those things where, like, it. It just got blown out of proportion over time.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. Guys, we're very pro. Victor von Doom on this podcast. You know, he's got some great ideas about governance. No, it's.

[Max Williams]

I mean, I saw a great thing once, and somebody was like, in defense of Dr. Doom, Fools is a gender neutral way to address a room.

[Noel Brown]

Amazing. Nice one, Vic. I think a despot, maybe it's like a spectrum, right? I'm freestyling here. A despot means someone who rules with an iron fist. They have absolute power. So a dictator is maybe auditioning to become a despot in that spectrum, if that makes sense.

[Max Williams]

It was Roman too. That was a Roman office, and it was. The person who dictates things is the Latin for that. So I think it could be because you have cincinnatus, you have sulla, you have a couple people who weren't kings, but they were dictators. But maybe a despot like you Said Nolan, I'm not sure he didn't like any talk about when he went to Paris and met the King and Queen there. He was just like, I don't like all this French Revolution stuff brewing. Right. This is 1788, the Bastille is a year later. He went there and he's like, I don't like. He's like, the Enlightenment's cool, but I don't like all this talk about get rid of the kings. That's crazy.

[Ben Bolan]

Bad vibes in the room, y'all, come on.

[Noel Brown]

You guys are harsh in it.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. And he was. When he came back from that, he was. He started getting extremely repressive with people who were talking about maybe doing away with the aristocracy. He kind of could see the French Revolution coming and was scared of it. And so he has done some cool things and some very progressive and forward thinking things, but he also wouldn't hesitate to throw you in jail and pull your fingernails off if he thought you were going to have a revolution against him, overthrow him.

[Noel Brown]

You could have different ethnicity or you could have different religious beliefs. So long as at the end of your talk or at the end of your sermon in the mosque, the temple or the church, you say, and that is why the King is cool.

[Max Williams]

Yes, God save the king. Yeah, yeah. You know, you had to think whatever you wanted, but when he showed up and was like, I'm a military genius, you had to agree with him or you were going to be.

[Noel Brown]

So here we are where things are not looking well, right? Things are.

[Max Williams]

Things are bad. So people are. So you're at this camp and it's nighttime. You've got the campfires up rows after rows of tents, 172,000 people. That's like two NFL stadiums, right? A lot of people lined up. Equipment, weapons, all in camps. They're all intense. They're set up, they're arranged by nationality because you need to understand the orders being given to you by commanding officers. So, like the Italians are together, the Croats, the Serbs, you know, they don't want to. They don't really like each other that much, so they kind of stay in their own little groups. You've got the artillery, you've got cavalry, you've got infantry. And everyone's nervous, right? Everyone's on edge because the Turks are out there and they're coming and there's going to be a battle in the next couple days. And these guys, a lot of these guys haven't had a battle in this war yet. They've been waiting for it for years. They've been building up to this. They've been marching here. They're just sick. They're dying. A lot of these guys are deserting. The morale is kind of low. They're nervous. They're hungry. A lot of them are sick because these plagues are passing around through the camp. Bad guys are coming. We gotta be ready. Okay? So as militaries do, they dispatch a patrol, a night patrol, to go out, to scout out, see if you can, you know, see where the bad guys are. Right. Make a ride around. If you see anything, let us know. If the Turks show up, you know, come back, sound the alarm. So they send out this group of cavalry men, light cavalry. They're called Hussars, but they basically, they have a light. They carry a rifle and a light sword. They don't wear armor, and they ride these lights.

[Ben Bolan]

A lightsaber. I'm sorry.

[Max Williams]

A light sword.

[Ben Bolan]

This is where my mind immediately goes.

[Max Williams]

Laser swords.

[Selena Gomez]

Yes.

[Ben Bolan]

Yes.

[Max Williams]

Plasma. Right, guys?

[Ben Bolan]

You told me I'm more of a. This is my trap, you know. This is my. Yes. It's lightweight and easy to take on the road.

[Max Williams]

Yes. Okay. So they're traveling light. They ride out to do this patrol, and they cross the mountain pass. They start riding around looking for bad guys, and they see a fire in the distance, and they roll up to it. And we are in Romania right now, and it is a camp of. Well, you'll see them referred to as gypsies, but we will refer to them as Romani. Romani people. They are set up. They have this camp, and they have wagons. And, you know, there's always this kind of mysterious air around this. This particular, like, group of people because they have. They have. They're having this awesome party, right? They have girls and they wear bells and that jingle when they dance. And they're dancing in their music, and they've got kegs, and they've got wine, and they're having this huge party, like, completely oblivious to the fact that maybe. Maybe because there's a big army there. And they're like, hey, why don't you guys come buy our stuff? But, like, they're in what would be the battlefield tomorrow, but there's this camp of people out there and they're having a party, and these Hussars roll up to it, and they're like, well, this is pretty cool. What's going on here? And they're like, oh, hey, we're selling booze. We got. We have schnapps. We have wine. We've got, you know, music. Everything's you know, this is awesome. Come join our party. And the Hussars.

[Noel Brown]

Hussar, by the way, for everybody playing along at home. That's the Hungarian cavalry, right?

[Max Williams]

Yeah, yeah. This is light cavalry. So, yeah, for master Hungarians, these guys are kind of. You know, Hussars are known for, like, bravado. They would. They would wear a lot of stuff on their uniforms. And, you know, they're the kind of guys that like. Like the fighter pilots of this time period, right? They kind of. They're the big deal. They walk around like they own the place. You know, they're the cool guys. They get all the cool missions. They do this. The recon stuff, and they. They get to have the glorious charges on. You know, the infantry fights the enemy. They shoot at them, and then we ride around and win the battle, that kind of thing, right? It's the mentality of these Hussars.

[Ben Bolan]

Sort of like the surgeons of war.

[Max Williams]

You know what I mean? Yeah. They're the superstars. They're the star player here. And so they show up and they're like, hell, yeah. Buckets of booze and girls and music, like, yes, we're in. And they have money, and so they start paying. They start buying all this stuff. They're having this party, and it gets a little rowdy. They start getting a little drunk, having a good time. Like I said, some of these guys are. Some of these guys are like lesser nobility, right? Some of these guys are wanted criminals. So it's a whole mix of things. And so these guys start drinking and singing and doing karaoke and all that. And eventually, back at camp, word is getting back that, like, hey, our scouts haven't returned. That's bad. We need to go find out where these guys are, because maybe they were taken by the Turks. Maybe the Turks got them. Let's go. We got to send out a detachment to go get these guys. So they put together a group of whoever. There's various watches, like night watches kind of thing. And so they take a group of infantry that was on patrol that night, and they're like, you guys go do the rounds. Here's where they were going to go. Follow their tracks. See if you can find these guys. And if it's Turks, let us know who quickly starts to. Word starts to go around the camp that, like, these guys haven't returned. Okay, what's happening? So the infantry goes out to try to find these guys. They're also dressed light, so they can run fast if they need to. There's a chance they're gonna have to Outrun Turkish cavalry back to friendly lines. So they head out, and they see the campfires of the Romani camp, and they see the Hussars dancing. And I imagine they're, like, half out of their uniform at this point, like, waiting and stuff. Like, they're trading, like, their swords for booze, that kind of thing. And the infantry shows up, and they see all this. And now the infantry is presented with two options. Number one, observe and report. Number two, let's deal with this. Let's go investigate this party, because this looks like fun. So they choose the second, of course. So the infantry goes up, and they're like, hey, guys, what's going on? And the Hussars are like, get the hell out of here. We're having a party. And the infantry is like, we got some money. And the Hussars are like, there's not enough boos for you guys. There's not enough booze and girls and music to go around. This is our party. Get out of here. You're not wanted. Go back to whatever you're doing. Tell them we're fine. Tell them there's no Turks. It's okay. Get out of here. Okay. So the infantry is like, no, I don't want to. I want booze and music and dancing and party. And the Hussars, at some point, drunkenly form a barricade between themselves and the infantry. Like, they. They fortify the booze wagons. Like, they. They flip some of the carts over, and they, like, take cover behind them, and they form, like, a military defensive position around.

[Noel Brown]

It sounds like a frat weekend, like, rush weekend gone wrong.

[Max Williams]

It totally is. Right? You throw the couch out there, you flip the couch, you get up there, you start throwing rocks or whatever. Whatever. And. Yeah, and that's it. So the. The Hassar is build defensive fortifications around the girls and booze and music. And they're like, you can't come over here. And the soldiers now are getting angry. Like, the infantry is getting angry because they're like, what are you talking about? This bull? Right. And so at some point, there's more yelling and screaming and arguing. And at some point during this, it starts to get pretty heated. These guys are screaming and yelling at each other, grabbing each other now. And at some point, a shot, a gunshot goes off. Yes. So, you know, in thinking about this, and I don't know this for sure, but in thinking about this, my guess would be that it was probably some. Somebody with some rank firing a gun up in the air to be like, hey, everybody, settle down. Like, we're gonna blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, some sergeant, some grizzled guy, just being like, get your stuff together.

[Noel Brown]

From either possible side.

[Max Williams]

Right? Yes.

[Noel Brown]

Right. Okay.

[Max Williams]

So somebody fires a gun up in the air to try to get everybody's attention. It doesn't work. It drives these guys into a frenzy, and they think they're being shot at. They think somebody shot one of the other guys in the group, and they start fighting for real. They start punching and wrestling and, like, a swords are drawn and, like, another gunshot goes off.

[Ben Bolan]

And he startled these guys.

[Max Williams]

Yeah, yeah. It was like these guys were kind of worked up to this fever pitch, right? Like, the enemy's coming, blah, blah. And they get this one moment where they can relax, and then suddenly it's like, oh, shoot. Like the war's like, ah. And so they start fighting each other.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, my gosh. Who knew that gunshot would maybe freak out veterans of war?

[Max Williams]

Yeah. And so now we have a problem, because back at camp, we sent out our cavalry. They didn't return. We sent out our infantry. They didn't return. And I know what a gunshot sounds like. That was gunshot. We got a problem. Something bad has happened.

[Larison Campbell]

There's a type of soil in Mississippi called Yazoo clay. It's thick, burnt orange, and it's got a reputation.

[Selena Gomez]

It's terrible, terrible dirt.

[Larison Campbell]

Yazoo clay eats everything. So things that get buried there tend to stay buried until they're not. In 2012, construction crews at Mississippi biggest hospital made a shocking discovery.

[Ben Bolan]

7,000 bodies out there or more, all.

[Larison Campbell]

Former patients of the old state asylum. And nobody knew they were there.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

It was my family's mystery.

[Larison Campbell]

But in this corner of the south, it's not just the soil that keeps secrets.

[Max Williams]

Nobody talks about it. Nobody has any information.

[Larison Campbell]

When you peel back the layers of Mississippi's Yazoo clay, nothing's ever as simple as you think.

[Max Williams]

The story is much more complicated and nuanced than that.

[Larison Campbell]

I'm Larison Campbell. Listen to under yazukle on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Jay Shetty]

Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty. And today, my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco. I can't wait for to hear this episode about their love story, about their relationship like you've never heard it before. I want to go back to the first time you ever met.

[Selena Gomez]

Thank you so much for this.

[Noel Brown]

One of the greatest.

[Max Williams]

Thank you. I'm Selena.

[Selena Gomez]

We're watching Disney Kids.

[Ben Bolan]

When you're a pop star like she is and you're a huge entity and people set up all these walls before and then the first second you like disarmed everybody.

[Max Williams]

By the way, congratulations on your engagement.

[Selena Gomez]

What I felt for Benny, it was everything about him was honest. He'll tell me anything that he's feeling and it made me feel like I could do the same.

[Ben Bolan]

If we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked.

[Jay Shetty]

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Joe Locke]

Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney and my dear friend Joe Locke from Heartstopper. And Agatha all along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, the Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun.

[Max Williams]

I like a man.

[Joe Locke]

You like a man. What do I like, Joe?

[Max Williams]

You like a man too.

[Joe Locke]

We often.

[Max Williams]

There's quite similar.

[Joe Locke]

There's some cross pollination happening in here.

[Max Williams]

Not like. No. Have we. No. No, not yet.

[Joe Locke]

Never say never. I cannot wait for all you girls, gays and they's to join me on on this extremely special pink confection of a podcast. There is so much darkness in this world and what I think we could all use more of is a little joy. Listen to the Dylan hour on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Love ya.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness in influencer who launches a rehab for the recently cancelled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racism, spin class and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Max Williams]

And so they start to wake people up. Like, get up, get up. Like, hey, the Turks might be here now, right? Something's going on. Everybody wake up. So crap. Okay, what's happening? And then at some point, this game of telephone across these 172,000 people, it's like it goes from like, we don't know what's going on to like, the Turks. The Turks are here. Like, we get up. Battle's coming like it was gonna be a fight. Like, we. Get your stuff together. Get. Fall in. Load your weapons. Let's go. Then there is more confusion back at the Romani camp. People are fighting, and it's starting to get out of hand. And some people are starting to leave and go back to the camp. And at some point in this, these guys are, like, really battling it out now. People are getting hurt in the fight here. And at some point, the guys in the camp start seeing guys coming through, coming across the field towards them, and they think it's the Turks, and they open fire on them, and they open fire on them with artillery and guns. And, like, as soon as the first guy starts shooting at something moving around in the dark, everybody starts shooting it.

[Ben Bolan]

Steve's up there shooting. He's unloading his clip. I want to. I want to shoot.

[Max Williams]

I got to shoot my gun. This whole war, seriously.

[Noel Brown]

Well, it's like, also, you know, you move as a unit. If you get that first report, then it means you have to do your job as well. And this is way before, you know, night vision.

[Max Williams]

Yeah.

[Noel Brown]

Or.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. They're really just shooting at shapes in the dark that they don't know what they are. So gunfire starts to come in on this battle at the camp, and everybody in the camp starts to panic. The Hussars drunkenly get on their horses and take off running. But where are they going to run? They're going to run to their camp because turns out they think they're under attack by the Turks also. So they go running back to their camp to report like, the Turks are here. The Turks are here. And so within moments of this firing starting, you have a squadron or at least a company of guys on horseback wearing funny hats that were inspired by.

[Noel Brown]

Them with mustaches, carrying weapons.

[Ben Bolan]

These are the tall boys, Right? Like the guards in the wizard of Oz, kind of.

[Max Williams]

Right? Yeah, yeah.

[Ben Bolan]

Picturing here. Okay.

[Max Williams]

Yep.

[Noel Brown]

And cylindrical, fur lined.

[Ben Bolan]

Yes, There you go.

[Max Williams]

Yes.

[Ben Bolan]

O e o e o ho. That's what they say.

[Max Williams]

The Turkish cavalry wears just a smaller version of that same hat. So it's just a little bit shorter, but in the dark, so really galloping towards you with a sword. So the. These guys start running. The Hussars start running back to the camp with their swords out, yelling, like, the Turks. The Turks. And these guys think they're the Turks. So they start shooting at them. The Hussars make it into the camp and start riding around the camp. So a lot of these guys who are waking up being like, what's going on? They wake up to, like, horses running through their camp, and they're like, oh, crap, like the Turks. They ambushed us. Like our stupid emperor couldn't figure it out. Now we're going to die. Everybody's in our camp. They're already here, killing everybody. And so people come out and they just start shooting at whatever they see, which is just movement everywhere in the camp. Everybody's coming out and shooting it in the dark at each other.

[Noel Brown]

How's that line go? Danny DeVito and Always Sunny. So anyways, I started blasting.

[Max Williams]

Yeah, that's exactly what this is.

[Ben Bolan]

That's how you do it.

[Max Williams]

Right out of the gate, the officers in charge, the ones who maybe kind of have an idea of what's going on, they're yelling to stop. They're yelling, halt, halt, halta. Okay, which is German first stop. Austrians, right. Halt, halta. It's the Austrian army and. And the Croatians and the. And the Italians and the Serbs are hearing, Allah, Allah, Allah. And so they're like, oh, they're everywhere. And so they start shooting, and there's gunfire, and the army. The Austrian army defeats itself and retreats. So they run away from the camp. Everybody starts to retreat.

[Noel Brown]

Ben, I have to pause us there. Can you say that sentence again?

[Ben Bolan]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[Max Williams]

Yes. The Austrian army defeats itself and retreats.

[Ben Bolan]

Yeah, real cell phone there, man.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Noel Brown]

Guys, we're kicking our asses.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. We are getting crushed by these guys. So they fight. It's a fighting withdrawal. So they're falling back and still firing into the darkness, Right. And to the point where the artillery is there, Right. And you've got these guys, and artillery at this point is cannons that are. And wagons full of ammunition that are being pulled by horses. Right? And they've brought them to the camp. They're in the back of the camp. They're in this position where they can be brought up to fire if they need to. But the guys who run the cannons, they ride on these wagons, on these horses. If the enemy's in the camp with you, you're dead meat, Right? What are you gonna do? Maybe you can fire this gun point blank at them before you get cut down by somebody else. So these guys are like, the Turks are here. We're toast. Let's get out of here. So they cut the reins on the horses, get on the horses and ride them off, leaving the wagon and the cart of ammunition behind, because you can't. You're never gonna outrun the Turks dragging all that stuff. So they. They cut the wagon, they Ride off on the horses and leave the artillery and the ammunition. There's a story that the payroll for the army was also left behind in the battle. Like just the war chests full of their. Their pay.

[Ben Bolan]

No one was spared. Even the accountants took a loss.

[Max Williams]

Yes, yes. There is some speculation that somebody might have made off with that it might not have been left for the Turks, but it was not found.

[Noel Brown]

Hey, you can't prove a thing. The statute of limitations past.

[Ben Bolan]

Far, far, far past.

[Max Williams]

So, okay, there's also a story that in the confusion, Emperor Joseph II gets on a horse and tries to rally his men, and the horse panics and knocks him off and he falls into a creek.

[Noel Brown]

Ooh, not a great look.

[Max Williams]

Not a good look. So they fight a retreating battle against themselves, and the next day or a couple days later, the Turkish armies arrive. The two Turkish forces arrive, and as the story goes, they show up, and there's just a field of dead Austrian Hungarian soldiers. Cannons, wagons, ammunition. Maybe those payroll chests. There are somewhere between. The numbers range from 500 to 10,000. 10,000 being an extremely high number, but that's the number you see quoted a lot for this. Just dead, missing or wounded left on the battlefield. So the Turkish army shows up. They have won the battle of Karen Sebes, and they weren't even there.

[Noel Brown]

They retroactively won it just on intimidation, just on reputation alone, just on street rep. That's crazy. Ben, do we know anything about how the Ottoman or Turkish forces reacted when we have one?

[Max Williams]

So the sources on this are a little messy, which is why people are like, you know, people sometimes have arguments about the historiosity of this battle. Right. But we know there was an Austrian army there at that time. We know that they were in an extremely defensible position, knowing that an enemy army was coming. And we know that they abandoned it for unknown reasons, undisclosed reasons, that they left that position and didn't give reasons why. There was an article written about it in an Austrian newspaper a month after the battle that gives kind of like there was a. It gives kind of like a. There was some confusion and some people died and some houses got set on fire. And anyway, we. In the confusion, we had to. We had to abandon the position. And basically, the Turkish report on it is similar, where they're like, we're not sure what happened here, but there must have been some confusion in the Austrian ranks and we took their position. Okay. It is interesting. I always think of this when I'm talking about this battle, that the Austrian flag at this time is a two Headed eagle, like just fighting itself. But I'd also say that in. If this happened to my army, I would try to convince people it didn't also.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, you would want to. Especially if you're an enlightened despot and you already run the educational institutions. You would want to.

[Max Williams]

This is a bad look for the military genius thing, right. And you're in a society where anybody who says you're not a military genius is going to go to jail.

[Noel Brown]

So you got to manage the pr, Keep track of which fingernails get to stay in the fingers and which have to get ripped out.

[Max Williams]

So they retreat. And Joseph, immediately after this, goes home. After this time goes home. He's despondent. He's sick. He has some pulmonary issue, and he dies of it within, like, two years of this battle. He goes back and he's in really bad health, and he's super sad about the way everything went down. Doesn't return to the battlefield, which also lends some credence to this story. The first version we see of this story was written 40 years after the battle with all those details. Right. And there's some people being like, well, this guy just didn't like Joseph. But, you know, a lot of the. Without another account. Without another firsthand account of what happened here and a conflicting story, I think we have to go with this story. And all of the stuff that happens after this kind of fits the mold, right? Why would they give up this position without a fight? And then Joseph immediately goes home and is sad and he's sick. Maybe he did fall in a creek and got pneumonia or something, but. But, but, yeah. So he goes home, he dies in 1790, and that's kind of the Battle of Karen Sevies. The war continues.

[Noel Brown]

Guys, I feel. No, let's pause, though, because now I feel bad for making fun of him. Like, we dunked on him pretty hard.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. I mean, it kind of.

[Noel Brown]

He earned it.

[Max Williams]

I mean, he does die a couple years later, but he was old, remember? Super.

[Noel Brown]

That's super old. Oh, my gosh.

[Max Williams]

It was like 49, man. That's a good life, right?

[Noel Brown]

49 is a great life for that time. Yeah.

[Max Williams]

The war continues. The Austrians regroup without Joseph running the army. The army's under the command of a guy named Prince Josiah of Saxe Coburg. He's really effective. He teams up with the Russian general, Alexander Suvarov, who's, like, one of the greatest war heroes and military geniuses of all time. They defeat the Turks, they drive them out of Serbia and Croatia and the Balkans, and Romania. They sign a peace treaty that gives the Russians a bunch of lands from the Turks in exchange for Austria, Hungary giving back Serbia and Croatia and Romania and the Balkans and all that. So the end of the war, the treaty signed that ends this war in 1791. Austria, Hungary. Austria, Hungary gains no additional territory. Serbia is liberated for about a year and then returned to the Turks. And the Serbians were really mad about it.

[Noel Brown]

Hey, can I share, Can I share with all of us the epitaph on Joseph II's grave?

[Ben Bolan]

By all means.

[Noel Brown]

It's not. I don't know. Knowing all that we know now over these past few episodes, I'd love to hear what we think about this. He's buried in the imperial crypt in Vienna. And his epitaph, at least his request, was, here lies a ruler who, despite his best intentions, was unsuccessful in all of his endeavors.

[Max Williams]

Oof.

[Ben Bolan]

Damn.

[Noel Brown]

And he wrote that? No, he.

[Max Williams]

Well, okay.

[Ben Bolan]

Well then wait a minute. Let's reassess here for a second. That means he had a little bit of humility and self awareness.

[Noel Brown]

He took an inventory, I think.

[Ben Bolan]

It would seem so.

[Max Williams]

I feel like battle starts tumbling.

[Ben Bolan]

Yeah, well, I mean, I sure would be.

[Noel Brown]

So I guess the big takeaway here, Ben, is that we should invade parts of Europe, right?

[Max Williams]

Land war in Europe. Yeah. Yeah. It usually goes well for people. Let's do land war in Eastern Europe. What can go wrong?

[Noel Brown]

What could go wrong?

[Ben Bolan]

So much. Did you not listen to the episode?

[Max Williams]

I think the moral here. I think the moral here is the importance of communication. Communication between different working forces. Leadership, Communication. And people skills. People skills, yes. And maybe leave things. Maybe leave important jobs to people who know how to do this. Them.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, I would.

[Ben Bolan]

Wait a minute. Some advice that might apply to some. Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead.

[Noel Brown]

There's a horse in the hospital, as our pal John Mulaney said. And how amazing would it be to hear the accounts of the horses involved in these shenanigans in this crazy friendly fire incident?

[Ben Bolan]

I think we have a Disney movie in the making. At the very least Pixar.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Maybe. Who should we pitch first?

[Ben Bolan]

I think John Mulaney should be the voice of the lead horse.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, he's got it in him.

[Ben Bolan]

He doesn't do enough animated voices. I think he's got a great voice.

[Noel Brown]

Ben, you should do some animated voices as well. Can we just volunteer you for that and tell you after the fact?

[Max Williams]

Yeah, sure.

[Ben Bolan]

Well, it's already happened, Ben.

[Max Williams]

It's already happened.

[Ben Bolan]

You heard it here first, folks. Ben will be the Voice of the. Of the plucky dog, a little talking pig. Animated adaptation of Homeward Bound.

[Max Williams]

Sound excellent. Yeah, I could do that.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, just bone up on the Turkish of the time. Bonus points for Hungarian. And. And honestly, thank you. So hard.

[Max Williams]

Can it be right? It doesn't look that hard.

[Noel Brown]

Come on, dude.

[Ben Bolan]

Surely not difficult.

[Max Williams]

It didn't take me. It didn't take me 12 minutes of practicing to pronounce Karen Sebbies correctly.

[Noel Brown]

All right, I think you got it.

[Max Williams]

And I don't think I did because I think it's a. It's a. It's like a Karen Sebish. I think it's like a sh. At the end. All right, well, my Romanian is not good.

[Noel Brown]

You say that now, but we've got the whole weekend, man. So.

[Max Williams]

So, Ben Thompson, something to do in my 45th year of life is to learn how to pronounce Romanian.

[Noel Brown]

There we go. Happy birthday to you. To you, Ben Thompson, the creator of Badass of the Week. Man. We didn't know that you were recording with us on your birthday, Noel. I would have asked to reschedule.

[Max Williams]

No, it's the only day that worked for me this weekend. We gotta get it done.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, we would have brought something.

[Ben Bolan]

Well, not only is it your birthday, it's the 100th birthday of badass of the Week, the podcast.

[Max Williams]

Yeah, that's true. That's true. This will be. Because I'm gonna run this on my feed. This will be episode 102 for me. So that is exciting stuff. Here's two.

[Ben Bolan]

Well, while I'm bummed we didn't make the cut for 101, 102 is a plenty good consolation.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. And we will also have this as a two part series over on Ridiculous History. Folks, if you like our show, you are going to love our brother Ben's show. Do check out Badass of the Week spoiler light spoilers. You can find Ben, Noel and Ben hanging out in past episodes as well. So dig through the catalog, check out the archives. Ben, where can people learn more about your work?

[Max Williams]

Well, we can go to the website badassoftheweek.com and badass of the Week is the name of the podcast we update every week on Tuesdays, usually with a great Badass from history. Although this week we were trying to have a little bit more fun with it.

[Ben Bolan]

A little cheeky. Little cheeky there. The character is the war.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. My favorite character is the horse who said, no way I'm getting out of here. You know what I mean?

[Max Williams]

The horse was the one who was.

[Ben Bolan]

Like, it's the John Mulaney.

[Max Williams]

The horse is the one that fired the gun and started the confusion.

[Ben Bolan]

I think John Mulaney would play the more timid horse. And then maybe we could have Eric Bautista come in and play one of the more aggressive kind of war horses. Who else we got?

[Noel Brown]

Bill Burr. Bill Burr would be the perfect horse with an attitude. John Mulaney as a horse is more observational humor.

[Ben Bolan]

I think he's the protagonist. The John Mulaney Delaney horse.

[Noel Brown]

Guys, I don't know if these are Turks or Hussars.

[Max Williams]

I mean, maybe we could make an argument here. Like we said, we've kind of been dunking on Joseph ii. But reading that epitaph, there is something about learning from your mistakes. There is something badass about being able to recognize that having laws in place that you can't criticize me only to at the end of your life, realize actually there's some value in what these people were saying. And I should have listened. Having some kind of self realization in that way is kind of cool.

[Ben Bolan]

I agree. So points for humility on your deathbed.

[Max Williams]

Yes. Better late than never.

[Noel Brown]

And that is part two. Noel, I fear I may have gone a little bit overboard. You know, I love birthdays, man. They're like the only real New Year's. They're the perfect holiday. And gosh darn it, Ben Thompson took time from his own birthday to explore this story with us.

[Ben Bolan]

What a guy. Thanks the Bens and thanks to the Knowles.

[Noel Brown]

Thanks to, of course, our super producer, Max Williams, and his biological brother, our composer, Alex Williams. Who else? Who else? Who else?

[Ben Bolan]

Oh, you know who else, Ben. Christopher Osio, Des. Jeff Coates. Here in spirit, Jonathan Strickland, the Quizzter agent. Bahamas Jacobs, the puzzler.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, Rachel Big Spinach Lance, the rude dudes at Ridiculous Crime. And, oh, I forgot to say it. I owe AJ Bahamas an email, so we're gonna follow up with that. In the meantime, Noel, I think we came up with some really good voice casting for our animated version of this friendly fire incident. You and I have to figure out which characters we will play.

[Ben Bolan]

Oh, man, I gotta be the bag man, even in animal form. We'll see you next time, folks. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows in Mississippi.

[Larison Campbell]

Yazoo clay keeps secrets.

[Max Williams]

7,000 bodies out there. Or more.

[Larison Campbell]

A forgotten asylum cemetery.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

It was my family's mystery.

[Larison Campbell]

Shame, guilt, propriety. Something keeps it all buried deep until it's not. I'm Larison Campbell and this is under Yazoo Clay. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Jay Shetty]

Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty and today my guest are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco.

[Selena Gomez]

What I felt for Benny, it was everything about him was honest. He'll tell me anything that he's feeling and it made me feel like I could do the same.

[Ben Bolan]

If we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked.

[Jay Shetty]

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?

[Noel Brown]

How go slower.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

From Blumhouse TV, iheart po and ember20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi and what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite show.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series. Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently cancelled. In the future we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapy therapies like bad touch football, anti racism spin class and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.