CLASSIC: Napoleon Bonaparte Was Attacked by Bunnies -- And Lost

Summary

Episode Summary: "CLASSIC: Napoleon Bonaparte Was Attacked by Bunnies -- And Lost"

Release Date: November 16, 2024

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Introduction

In this classic episode of "Ridiculous History," hosts Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown explore one of history's most bizarre and humorous incidents involving Napoleon Bonaparte: his ill-fated confrontation with a swarm of bunnies. Joined by their guest super producer, Paul Decant, the trio delves into the circumstances that led to this unexpected debacle, offering both factual insights and entertaining commentary.

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Napoleon Bonaparte: A Brief Biography [04:33 - 07:18]

The episode begins with a succinct biography of Napoleon Bonaparte, highlighting his Corsican origins, rapid ascent through military ranks, and his reputation as one of history's greatest conquerors. Despite common myths about his stature, research by Lori L. Dove from HowStuffWorks.com reveals that Napoleon stood approximately five feet six and a half inches (169 cm), which was slightly below average for his time but not extraordinarily short.

Ben [07:41]: "Was Napoleon Really Short?"

He emphasizes how Napoleon's height played into the stereotype of the "Napoleon complex," potentially influencing his aggressive and domineering personality traits.

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The Treaty of Tilsit and Napoleonic Hegemony [07:27 - 14:56]

Ben and Noel delve into the geopolitical landscape of early 19th-century Europe, focusing on the Treaty of Tilsit (1807), negotiated after Napoleon's victories over Austria, Russia, and Prussia. This treaty significantly reshaped European boundaries, establishing French dominance and creating satellite states like the Duchy of Warsaw and the Kingdom of Westphalia — the latter being ruled by Napoleon's brother, Jerome.

Noel [10:02]: "He had already won big military victories... set up a coup and knocked those boys right out of the frame."

The discussion highlights how these territorial changes solidified Napoleon's control but also sowed the seeds for future conflicts, including his disastrous invasion of Russia in 1812.

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Napoleon and Tsar Alexander I: A Complex Relationship [14:56 - 19:53]

The episode explores the intricate relationship between Napoleon and Tsar Alexander I of Russia. While publicly cordial, with Napoleon expressing admiration for Alexander's demeanor and leadership, historians like Frank M. Richardson suggest deeper complexities, including speculations about Napoleon's bisexuality.

Ben [18:02]: "If Alexander had been a woman, I would have made him my mistress."

This camaraderie was short-lived, as underlying tensions and conflicting interests eventually led to the deterioration of their alliance.

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The Rabbit Hunt Fiasco [29:29 - 45:50]

The centerpiece of the episode is the infamous rabbit hunt of 1807, intended as a celebratory pastime for Napoleon and his entourage following the Treaty of Tilsit. Napoleon, eager to relax, instructed his chief of staff, Louis Alexandre Berthier, to organize the hunt. However, instead of wild rabbits accustomed to evading predators, Berthier brought a large number of domesticated bunnies raised on farm feed.

Ben [33:07]: "All those rabbits which should have tried in vain, even by scattering themselves to escape the shots... suddenly collected first in knots, then in a body, instead of having recourse to a useless fight, they all faced about and in an instant the whole phalanx flung itself upon Napoleon."

The rabbits, mistaking humans for providers of food rather than threats, launched an unexpected and overwhelming attack. Overwhelmed by the sheer number and determination of the bunnies, Napoleon was forced to retreat hastily, a scene both humiliating and absurd for the esteemed military leader.

Noel [37:15]: "They were just swarming Napoleon and his men... had to drive away, escape this torrent of bunnies."

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Analysis and Historical Impact [45:22 - 49:33]

Ben and Noel analyze the implications of this event, drawing parallels between the rabbit incident and Napoleon's later strategic failures. The episode underscores how even the most formidable leaders can be undone by unforeseen and seemingly trivial challenges.

Noel [47:22]: "Napoleon arrived like a tiger, but bolted like a rabbit."

This metaphor encapsulates Napoleon's initial dominance and ultimate vulnerability, illustrating the unpredictability of leadership and conflict.

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Conclusion [50:20 - 51:09]

In wrapping up, the hosts reflect on the rabbit hunt as a humorous yet telling episode in Napoleon's storied career. They ponder the lasting legacy of such an event, blending amusement with a deeper understanding of historical narratives.

Ben [51:09]: "Where you listen to your favorite shows. This is Dr. Joy Harnon Bradford from Therapy for Black Girls."

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Notable Quotes

• Ben [07:41]: "Was Napoleon Really Short?"
• Noel [18:14]: "I'm doing it. I want some actual Napoleon Alexander fanfic to surface."
• Ben [33:07]: "All those rabbits which should have tried in vain... suddenly collected first in knots..."
• Noel [47:22]: "Napoleon arrived like a tiger, but bolted like a rabbit."

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Closing Thoughts

"Ridiculous History" masterfully combines historical accuracy with entertaining storytelling, shedding light on the lighter, more humorous facets of monumental figures like Napoleon Bonaparte. This episode serves as a reminder that history is not only shaped by grand battles and political maneuvers but also by unexpected, quirky events that add depth and color to our understanding of the past.

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Transcript

[Ben]

Welcome back to our classic episode Fellow Ridiculous Historians. Ooh, this is a favorite of ours. We finally took that Napoleon guy down a peg.

[Noel]

Oh man, this is the classic est of classic Ridiculous History episodes. Napoleon Bonaparte was in fact attacked by bunnies. Need we say more? I think not.

[Ben]

We should say that we reference this episode all the time.

[Noel]

Yeah, yeah, it's been a minute, but there was a time where this was like peak ridiculous history. I don't think we need to set it up too much more. Ben Agreed.

[Ben]

Noel, let's dive in.

[Noel]

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[Ben]

Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Bonjour, friends and neighbors, Ridiculous historians, longtime listeners and new listeners alike, welcome to the show. My name is Ben.

[Noel]

My name is Noel.

[Ben]

Oh, and we want to, of course, give a shout out to our super producer, Casey Pegram.

[Noel]

Only today he is, but here in spirit.

[Ben]

That is true, Noel. That is true. Today is our first episode while our longtime friend is adventuring abroad.

[Noel]

It doesn't feel right.

[Ben]

I think we're in good hands because we're not alone in this endeavor. We are joined by one of Casey's longtime friends, our super producer, Paul Decant.

[Noel]

I like to think, you know, we're all friends here. We hang out with Paul.

[Ben]

Yeah. Oh, Paul is solid gold hit. He is.

[Noel]

Indeed he is.

[Ben]

And listeners, you may recognize him from some other shows we have done, including Stuff They Don't Want yout To Know, where he earned the moniker Mission Control.

[Noel]

Only. This is the first time we've personified him with a sound effect. So hopefully we can. We can bring that back.

[Ben]

Yeah, hopefully so. And you know, Paul, I'm really glad you're here for this one, I think you are going to enjoy this show. Let's. Let's lay it out very quickly. Maybe we go in with a little bit of biography, because today our episode has a couple of primary characters. I'm going to go ahead and say the protagonist for today's show is Napoleon Bonaparte.

[Noel]

You think so? Yeah, I guess so. I guess he's the protagonist. Yeah, he's sort of a. He's a bit of an antagonist in the big picture story, sure. But in today's story, he is the one what gets a thrashing.

[Ben]

He's sort of an Elmer Fudd character in this one, to be honest. He really is.

[Noel]

He's quite, quite cartoonish indeed.

[Ben]

And we are talking, of course, about that Napoleon. The Napoleon, not dynamite, but Bonaparte, who was born in August of 1769, the 15th, and passed away in May of 1821.

[Noel]

I did not know this. He was actually born in Corsica and, you know, which. Which was actually seceded to France. But he grew up in more of an Italian culture and then moved to mainland France and learned the French language and went to military academy. Rose quickly in the ranks and as we know, spoiler alert, became one of the greatest conquerors in military history and also, you know, one of the shortest guys in military history. So always had his hand tucked into his hoodie.

[Ben]

Yeah. We've got a pretty fascinating article from our parent website, howstuffworks.com by Lori L. Dove, who recognized from a couple of other shows.

[Noel]

We should give her a sound effect like a. Like a cooing dove or something.

[Ben]

You know what? I'm going to write to her, see what kind of. Because hopefully she doesn't hate doves.

[Noel]

That's true.

[Ben]

We want to see what kind of. What kind of bird she likes.

[Noel]

Okay, fair enough.

[Ben]

She wrote this article called Was Napoleon Really Short? And at the time of his death, he measured 5ft, 2 inches in French units. In modern measurement units, that's the equivalent of five feet, six and a half inches or 169 centimeters.

[Noel]

That's, you know, it's just below average.

[Ben]

It's not, you know, it's roughly average for a person that time. It's definitely on the shorter end of the spectrum. But this played into some propaganda for sure. And people would say, you know, that's where the Napoleon complex comes from.

[Noel]

It's also one of these things where when you think of a military tough guy, you know, you kind of want to think of like a hulking, big burly dude and the notion of him being a little More slight is a little bit counterintuitive, you know.

[Ben]

Right. And it makes people think perhaps he's a bit bantam or you know, cocky, for lack of a better phrase. There's a funny thing though, because he did not help his situation in terms of his perceived height. He surrounded himself with very tall soldiers. He exaggerated the effect because when he's around, like if you were to hang around the Chicago Bulls or something. Oh yeah, just hang out during the day as you do, you would look short. Oh yeah, because they're tall, they're giants. So it's a compared contrast. And he also, regardless of his height, he was notorious for having a belligerent, mean spirited personality. He was that militaristic person you are describing.

[Noel]

Yeah, I mean he basically was a dictator. He overthrew the French government, which was a revolutionary government that was installed after the end of the French Revolution. That its primary concern was just kind of big upping revolutionary figures and folks that helped overthrow throw the Bourbons, the monarchy, but not such a great efficient government. A lot of corruption, a lot of problems. And Napoleon was already off winning big military victories during this time and basically set up a coup and knocked those boys right out of the frame.

[Ben]

Yes. Yeah. He had at a time a tenuous grip on power because as you said, he was pursuing military goals in Egypt, I believe, and Italy. Right. He was already traveling abroad. But today we can look back on Napoleon through any number of lenses. And we chose to look at a story that is, I would say. Well, first off, it's funny.

[Noel]

Yeah.

[Ben]

It's ridiculous.

[Noel]

Apocryphal perhaps. Perhaps it smacks of legendary exaggeration at least. Yeah, I think so too. But it's a lot of fun and it involves Napoleon being swarmed, dare we say overtaken by a cute little bunny.

[Ben]

Rabbits, A force of rabbits doing what many armies could not. And as the Internet memes are so fond of telling us, the thing about Napoleon is that he attacked, but he also protec.

[Noel]

I don't know this one. Ben, you don't know this bean?

[Ben]

No, I'm going to send it to you. Don't worry about it.

[Noel]

Can we post it on Ridiculous Historians?

[Ben]

Yes, we can.

[Noel]

Our Facebook community.

[Ben]

Yes, check out our Facebook community page, Ridiculous Historians. You'll get to meet your fellow listeners. You can even see kids pictures of the Quister himself, which was a bit of a coup for us.

[Noel]

Indeed.

[Ben]

So we first need to set the scene for this hilarious misadventure. You see, Napoleon, being a brilliant military mind, understood the importance of not Just military conflicts, but of larger diplomatic actions. And he was involved in the negotiations of treaties. One incredibly important one was the series of agreements. Two agreements known collectively as the Treaties of Tilsit.

[Noel]

Yeah. He had wiped the floor with Austria, Russia and Prussia. And basically the Russian Czar, Alexander I just tapped out and said, look, this is embarrassing. You have outnumbered us, outgunned us, outmanned us and outclassed us. I'm not quoting, I'm paraphrasing here. Sure. But he said, let's talk Napoleon. And so he, along with the Prussian king Frederick William, got Napoleon to agree to parlay. Right. Is that the right term, parlay?

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah. They held parley. They met in the town of Tilsit in 1807, in July, after his victory at Friedland.

[Noel]

Yes. And that would have been modern day Sovetsk, Russia. And what happened was in order to meet on sort of relatively neutral territory, Napoleon and his crew built a crudely fashioned raft that they flew loaded up on the banks of the River Niemen, where they met the Prussian and Russian envoys. Well, it was actually, you know, the King and the Tsar, along with their, what do you call it, a coterie. Yeah, sure. And they decided to negotiate peace. Alexander I said that this peace would be just good for the world. It's what everyone wants, it's what everyone needs. Although it seemed pretty self serving.

[Ben]

Right. And there were winners and losers in these negotiations.

[Noel]

And Tsar Alexander I was quoted in saying that this piece would, quote, ensure the happiness and tranquility of the world. It's a bold way of looking at it. Although it seemed a little more self serving, since they more or less had no choice because Napoleon had taken them to the mattresses.

[Ben]

Right. He, Alexander, at least needed a way to spin it as a win for his government and his people. That happens today with treaties in situation. Additionally, Napoleon was on the cusp of establishing hegemony to absolute control of a region, total dominance.

[Noel]

And that was his primary concern, was spreading French control across the world.

[Ben]

And eventually, I mean, he would say French, but he was really thinking Napoleonic control.

[Noel]

Exactly. He was a dictator.

[Ben]

Right. So here's what happened in the treaty. Alexander 1 accepted the reduction of Prussia from 89,120 square miles to 46,032 square miles or 119,223 square kilometers for everybody outside of Namibia, the United States and Myanmar.

[Noel]

What did King Frederick William have to say about this? In everything I've read, he sure seems like he was second banana to Alexander the first.

[Ben]

Was he Even there.

[Noel]

I think he was there.

[Ben]

He was just in the room.

[Noel]

Yeah. Here's the thing, too. That barge or raft that we mentioned that Napoleon and his crew floated up to the banks with had these giant white tents built on top of them where he could kind of have his camp. I guess it was sort of a mobile floating camp. And on each side of the tent were an initial. On one side was N for Napoleon. On the other side was A for Alexander. But the Prussians were a little bit salty about the fact that their king didn't get an initial and sort of set the tone, didn't it?

[Ben]

Yeah, But Alexander one was, I think, the operative force on the other side of the negotiations. So I named the reduction of Prussian land. But that wasn't all. They also had to create a duchy of Warsaw for Napoleon's ally, the King of Saxony.

[Noel]

Past the duchy.

[Ben]

Past the duchy. Right. And the establishment of the Kingdom of Westphalia in northern Germany. This solidified his hegemony because Westphalia was also partially composed of former Prussian lands, and Prussia itself was going to be occupied by French troops until the French government had received 120 million francs.

[Noel]

And speaking of keeping it in the family or making it all about Napoleon rather than France, Westphalia was established largely to give his brother Jerome something to rule over. Jerome was the Jerome, the first of.

[Ben]

Westphalia you might not hear as much about as you would Napoleon.

[Noel]

Old Jerome.

[Ben]

Old Jerome. Also in the story, in addition to these publicly acknowledged aspects of the treaties, there were secret provisions.

[Noel]

Ooh, I don't know about this, Ben.

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There were secret provisions. Napoleon agreed to help Russia liberate Eastern Turkey.

[Noel]

Oh, okay.

[Ben]

Yeah. If Turkey rejected French mediation in its conflict with Russia, then secretly, the two powers agreed that France would say, okay, you don't want me to make peace with you guys, I'm going to help Russia eat you. That's the eastern half.

[Noel]

That sounds intense.

[Ben]

And then Alexander, in return, promised to join the continental system against British trade if Britain rejected Russian mediation in its conflict with France.

[Noel]

This is all just so sexy, Ben.

[Ben]

I'm glad you mentioned that, because they. Because these two guys got along famously, and you and I found a strange turn that their relationship took, because, you see, the public was aware of these negotiations between Alexander the First and Napoleon.

[Noel]

Oh, yeah.

[Ben]

And the public really took this and ran with it.

[Noel]

They shipped them. You guys know about shipping? It's like fanfic, right?

[Ben]

Where a fan or a community of fans wants two characters to be involved in a specific type of relationship.

[Noel]

Yeah. Specifically, a bit of a steamy relationship. And here's what we do know about the relationship between Alexander and Napoleon. Like you said, Ben, they got along famously. Apparently, they spent a lot of time together, dining, during these negotiations that lasted for several days. They would be hanging out alone together. Late into the evening, they were seen hugging each other and holding hands. They exchanged handkerchiefs and even cravats. What is that, like a little tie?

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah, it's like a kind of decorative neck, like an ascot? Yeah, similar.

[Noel]

The thing that Freddy would wear in Scooby Doo.

[Ben]

Yeah, similar. Similar. Okay, similar. It goes around your neck.

[Noel]

So here's the thing. Alexander and Napoleon really dug each other. In fact, there's a quote from Napoleon from a letter that he wrote home to his wife, Josephine, where he said, if Alexander had been a woman, I would have made him my mistress. So this fanfic thing really started to take off where you've got all these images of these two dudes embracing each other. There's even a few of them kissing. And it really took the public's imagination by storm.

[Ben]

Right, it did. And this was. The letter was written in 1807, same year of the negotiations. And as far as we can tell, the letter seems sincere. Additionally, Napoleon described Alexander, in a quote, as especially handsome, like a hero, with all the graces of an amiable Parisian.

[Noel]

This is awesome.

[Ben]

It seems awesome. And one thing we do know is that Napoleon, at least in this will they, won't they relationship, Napoleon was in it to win it. He genuinely believed this. But other experts and historians think that perhaps this was a misstep on his part. In a PBS examination of this, historians note that this was, quote, napoleon's biggest mistake. He thought he actually did charm Alexander. What Napoleon didn't understand was that Alexander would never stick to their agreement. But for Napoleon, the tilsit piece seemed to be his finest moment for him and his empire. He came back to Paris in 1807 to a huge celebration and as you mentioned earlier, Noel, some very strange and specific art. In a way, this thread or this thought about Napoleon's relationship to Alexander continues in the modern day with some historians, such as Frank M. Richardson, even speculating that he was what we would consider bisexual.

[Noel]

Yeah, I think that's kind of not given a whole lot of sand by the Napoleon historian community at large. But there is a book written by that gentleman called Napoleon, the bisexual emperor.

[Ben]

Yeah, and we say this because we love this idea of these great state powers becoming buddy, buddy. And, you know, I hope they at least got along. Even though it sounds like many historians Think Alexander. I was playing Napoleon. I hope there was a spark that oh my God, I'm shipping them right now.

[Noel]

I'm doing it. I want some actual Napoleon Alexander fanfic to surface. We need to look, look into that and see if any of that exists. See Gladiator 2 only in theaters November 22nd.

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[Noel]

But here's the thing. Alexander did give Napoleon something pretty sweet. Aside from giving up a whole crap ton of his land, he had the church, the Russian Orthodox Church, withdraw this notion of Napoleon as being the Antichrist. In 1806, there had been a public proclamation an anathemization of Napoleon as being the Antichrist. And that largely had to do with. I didn't know this, Ben. Napoleon in his earlier years, those battles we were talking about in Egypt and Italy, he saw the plight of the Jewish people and was quite a friend to them and took a lot of steps to essentially free them from some of the restrictions placed on them in that society. And that did not go over well in certain parts of Europe because there was a lot of antisemitism.

[Ben]

Yeah. Widespread discrimination, active pogroms in the ghettos of the area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Discrimination in terms of housing, which jobs you could have, where you could live. And so he got this ranking or he got this opprobrium heaped on him because he was doing a decent thing.

[Noel]

Right. Which again, I think of him as being kind of this megalomaniacal dictator dude. And you know, it turns out he did do some pretty forward thinking stuff.

[Ben]

Yeah. And he wasn't all doom and gloom and blood and treasure. He liked to celebrate, he liked to unwind. He liked to have a good time, especially after he felt he had earned some time off. He's a work hard, play hard type of dude.

[Noel]

And we finally made it to the subject of today's episode.

[Ben]

We have finally made it to the summer of 1807. After signing the treaties of Tilson it, and perhaps having some more than friendly feelings toward his buddy Alexander the Tsar, he decided to celebrate the signing by going off and having some rabbit hunting. He said, that's what I want to do. I want to relax. I want to shoot some rabbits. And he pointed at his chief of staff. I'm speculating a little bit here, but I like to imagine him pointing to his chief of staff. Oh, oh, you know what? Let's. Let's have a Casey on the case here. Hey, Casey, how do you pronounce Alexand Berthier? Oh, wow. Hey, guys. I don't know how you found me. I've got, like, a different SIM card, phone number and stuff over here. Not exactly looking to be contacted. But anyway, since you did manage to get a hold of me, you pronounced it as such Alexandre. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm. I'm riding the metro right now. I'm gonna miss my stop, so do me a favor and lose this number. All right?

[Noel]

Talk to you when I get back. Oh, man, I'm sorry. I should have just let you chill. Sorry, dude.

[Ben]

That's been Casey on the case. Ooh, we're gonna be in the doghouse for that one.

[Noel]

Ah, we should probably let him do his thing. Yeah, but hopefully he'll still send us one of those sweet audio postcards we keep teasing.

[Ben]

So as we were speculating, as I'm daydreaming this moment, he points at Alexandre Berthier and says, rabbits, get it done. I'm hunting him.

[Noel]

Yeah, be very, very quiet. Perhaps.

[Ben]

Yeah, there we go. Kind of going back to Elmer Fudd idea. And also, so for people who want a grasp of Napoleon's personality at this moment, think about those interviews you've read about the way Prince, the musician, would interact with people.

[Noel]

Yeah, it's like, get me three giraffes and a mountain lion, stat.

[Ben]

Yeah, and it's not malevolent. It's just, I asked for it because therefore, it will happen.

[Noel]

Have you seen that bit in the new John Mulaney Stand up where he's talking about Mick Jagger and he's like, no. Yes, give me a Coke. And then the Coke just appears in his hand like that.

[Ben]

Funny. Not funny.

[Noel]

No. Yeah, that's probably how Napoleon talked.

[Ben]

He also said, yes.

[Noel]

He's also. We're pointing vigorously at each other, vehemently pointing at them. So, yeah, he gets this guy, his chief of staff, his majordomo, his number one dude, to fetch him some rabbits and not being one to half ass anything, I guess. This guy reportedly got quite a lot of these little creatures, didn't he, Ben?

[Ben]

Yes. Louis Alexandre Berthier got not like a dozen rabbits, but somewhere between hundreds and more than a thousand. It's tough to find a specific number, but we do know the ballpark, and the ballpark is at least several hundreds of rabbits. And the reason he did this, this is. This is my thinking. Tell me what you think about this. The reason he did this is because he was, as he said, a real go getter. He's Che of staff. The worst thing that could happen is for him to get, you know, a dozen rabbits and for Napoleon not to be able to find any because they're just going to let them loose in the woods.

[Noel]

Oh, totally.

[Ben]

They're not going to hold them by the neck and have Napoleon, you know, bop them on the head.

[Noel]

There's a pretty fantastic account of what happened next from the Liverpool Herald from April 6th of 1901, and it references one of Napoleon's generals, Thibaut. Yeah, yeah, I'm liking that.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Noel]

And he did not apparently think too highly of Berthier. He harbored a, quote, hearty contempt for Berthier, who he regarded as a toadie. I love toadie.

[Ben]

Sort of a kiss ass.

[Noel]

Yeah, a kiss ass. And a carpet knight. I don't know that one, but I can picture it.

[Ben]

I wonder if it's like paper tiger maybe. Or maybe it means someone who is a knight in title but has very little knowledge of actual fighting.

[Noel]

I'm liking that one better. So the Marshal, I'm going to quote from this article. The Marshal, in the early days of the Empire, invited his master to a rabbit shoot on his estate and bought a thousand of these animals to furnish sport. But how can I tell it or be believed, says Baron Thibault in his memoir which have just been published. All those rabbits which should have tried in vain, even by scattering themselves to escape the shots which the august hand destined for them suddenly collected first in knots, then in a body, instead of having recourse to a useless fight, they all faced about and in an instant the whole phalanx flung itself upon Napoleon. Can you translate that? 1900s newspaper speak, Ben?

[Ben]

Sure. The idea was that the rabbits would scatter from a threat in all directions. That's what they were expecting. And that they would be pursued by Napoleon & Co. And then ultimately either eradicate all the rabbits or enough to satiate Napoleon's recreational bloodlust. However, what happened instead was that the rabbits, being tame and farm raised, did not associate humans with predation. They associated humans with food.

[Noel]

So that was the fatal flaw.

[Ben]

So there's a huge mass of rabbits and they are in a new environment. They see a human being, they assume that human being can only be there to feed them. And I found a really interesting look at rabbit aggression. What makes for an aggressive rabbit? There are two tick marks that speak to this situation. One is that a change in a rabbit's environment or routine can cause them to display aggression and they're very routine oriented. The second is, of course, if they're hungry or if they are unaltered, meaning not spayed or neutered. And of course, at this time, these were unaltered rabbits.

[Noel]

Unaltered rabbits.

[Ben]

Unaltered. That is the. That is the polite term.

[Noel]

Here's how you know how I picture this whole thing going down.

[Ben]

How does that.

[Noel]

Like this amazing clip from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Look, that rabbit's got a vicious street a mile wide.

[Ben]

It's a killer. Get stuff. He'll do you a treat, mate.

[Noel]

Oh, yeah. Mankey Scott's git. I'm warning you. What's he do, nibble your bum?

[Ben]

He's got huge, sharp. He can leap about. Look at the bones.

[Noel]

Run away, run away, run away, run away. Oh, man. So I really like to picture this being at least somewhere in the vein of how things went down, because these rabbits were just swarming Napoleon and his men. They were climbing up Napoleon's legs on his coat. And he had groups of men who were called beaters and they were hitting at the rabbits with, like, riding crops. Right, Right.

[Ben]

Yeah. As you said, Noel, the rabbits were all over them, expecting their daily cabbage, which they had not received at the time. And they followed Napoleon & Co. And eventually Napoleon ran away to his carriage.

[Noel]

Just like in Runaway. The python clip. It's exactly like that. Because, you know, they thought they would be safe in the carriage. Right. It's got doors. But no, apparently the rabbits were just like coming at them, trying to, like, get into the carriage. Come hell or high water, they were leaping, flinging themselves into the carriage. So they literally had to drive away, escape this torrent of bunnies.

[Ben]

Right. The bullwhips that were cracking didn't stop the rabbits getting hit with a crop, a riding crop didn't stop them were sticks from these beaters. And according to historian David Chandler, with a finer understanding of Napoleonic strategy than most of his generals, the rabbit horde divided into two wings and poured around the flanks of the party heading for the imperial coach. Then some of the reportedly leapt into the carriage and the attack only stopped as the coach was rolling away.

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[Noel]

At this moment, I bet he was feeling pretty silly.

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The luncheon was ruined, that's for sure.

[Noel]

I know. Because you know the fatal flaw we talked about? He should have gotten wild rabbits. They would have given chase properly. They would have made for a delightful, if bloodthirsty, afternoon of, you know, organized violence. But instead, it was an absolute ship show.

[Ben]

Yeah, it was. He had, as reports at the time were describing it, he had purchased rabbits from the hutch rather than the warren, so from a farm rather than from the wild. And for all his military acumen, for all his international reputation, to these rabbits, Napoleon was little more than a reticent purveyor of lettuce who just wasn't giving up the goods.

[Noel]

No, because he had none to give up. They weren't there to feed the bunnies. It wasn't a petting zoo. This was, you know, a murder party.

[Ben]

I should correct the slaying there that I fell into. It was actually cabbage that they probably thought he was purveying.

[Noel]

Oh, yeah. I guess that was the food of choice for domesticated bunnies.

[Ben]

For the discerning rabbit, indeed.

[Noel]

Oh, man, you could be a cabbage spokesperson.

[Ben]

It's the Grey Poupon of. It's the equivalent of Grey Poupon for rabbits.

[Noel]

Cabbage gets no love.

[Ben]

You know why, right? No, because when you cook it, some people just hate the smell. But the secret is caraway seeds.

[Noel]

Is that right?

[Ben]

Yeah. To give that a shot has nothing to do with Napoleon.

[Noel]

I think it's fine.

[Ben]

But this is so fascinating to us because, you know, the image that we have of Napoleon is not that of someone who would turn tail and run, but maybe, maybe it's just so surprising and so unexpected. And there's again so many rabbits that he ran because of the surrealism of it, you know, rather than fearing for his life, I'm surely he didn't fear for his life. It's just really unusual and freakish.

[Noel]

And this is pretty cool. The whole treaties of Tilsit thing allied France with Russia. But like you mentioned earlier, it was kind of considered to be a bit of a blunder on Napoleon's part because it was not particularly likely that Czar Nicholas I was going to maintain that peace accord. And as we know, everything kind of fell apart. And then Napoleon had to try to take back Russia in 1812 in a calamitous invasion where he got his backside handed to him. And writer Nicholas Karamazin wrote of Napoleon that he arrived like a tiger, but bolted like a rabbit.

[Ben]

Ah, so now we can connect the dots. Right. Ridiculous historians. We can see what they were alluding to. The Napoleonic Empire, pretty shortly after that collapsed in time span from 1814 to 1815, we saw the empire fall and Tsar Alexander acquired most of the duchy that we mentioned. And it went on to survive for years and years and years under Russian rule as the so called Congress Kingdom of Poland.

[Noel]

That's the nature of the duchy, man. You pass it and then you got to get it passed back eventually. But yeah, like for all of Napoleon's conquests and military strategies, he kind of ended up right back where he started in terms of dominion. Right. And then he actually was ultimately exiled to the island of Elba. And then I think he came back briefly and ruled for like this thing called the Hundred Days Campaign and then got kicked out again. Or he died in exile on another island at the age of, I think 51.

[Ben]

Yeah, not that old. Not that old. The guy. The United Kingdom kept him on the island of St. Helena.

[Noel]

That's the one.

[Ben]

Which was a little less than 2,000 kilometers from the west coast of Africa. And while he was in exile, he wrote a book about one of his biggest heroes, Julius Caesar. And then he eventually passed away, but he did reconcile with the Catholic Church. Today, people still debate what the cause of his death was. A lot of people think it would have been stomach cancer because his father had passed away from the same age. That's ending it on a little bit of a downer note, but I like to think on the positive side that a lot of those bunnies got away and maybe Lived happy and full lives.

[Noel]

Yeah, but wouldn't they be like an invasive species? Wouldn't they have just totally jacked up the ecosystem?

[Ben]

Well, rabbits are naturally occurring part of that ecosystem. But you're right. In that massive number with the way their reproduction works, if they were not hunted, they would eventually cause population collapse by the sheer amount of food they consume.

[Noel]

Yeah, because like 3000 rab. Okay, let's just, let's be conservative. Let's call it 1000 rabbits multiplying. You know, like, rabbits could pretty quickly overtake the scene. Right. And, you know, it didn't sound to me like they had much time to get any shots off at these little guys before they, you know, turned tail and ducked into their carriage.

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah, but to paraphrase the old. The old saying, every rabbit has their day. And that afternoon, maybe as many as 3,000 rabbits had their day in the sun. In a very strange way, perhaps they were speaking truth to power. Probably not. But, you know, it's nice to think about. If we write it as a screenplay, clearly we're going to go a little watership down and the rabbits can talk.

[Noel]

Oh, yeah, we better get right to work on that, Ben. So we will leave you there. Ridiculous historians. Thank you so much for joining us. For today's episode. We would like to thank guest super producer Paul Mission Control Decant.

[Ben]

We'd also like to thank, of course, Casey Pegram and Alexander Williams, who composed our track. We would like to thank our researcher Christopher Hosiotis, as well as Lori L. Dove for busting the myth about Napoleon's height. But most importantly, we would like to thank you for tuning in. And stay tuned for next time because we've got something cool coming up.

[Noel]

We sure do. It's what they call a tent pole episode.

[Ben]

So that's all for today, folks. Bonjour, au revoir, bonsoir.

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