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Ben
Fellow ridiculous historians, we got a classic for you that just keeps coming back to our mind. We brag about our friend Christopher Haciotes constantly because he is just that cool.
Noel
He's here in spirit.
Ben
He is always with us. And Christopher came to us a while back and said, hey guys, do you think the military does dumb stuff sometimes?
Noel
Not a chance.
Ben
Not a chance.
Noel
They're all, it's all, it's all thriller, no filler.
Ben
Yeah. And Christopher, you know, knows us well. And he probably, if I had, if I had to guess, Christopher probably knew that we had been working on some hilarious stuff they don't want you to know. Historical missteps or some ridiculous history. Weird ideas like the government, the world's governments pitch all kinds of crazy stuff. They'll see a cat walking around and they'll say, can we turn this cat into a spy?
Noel
What if. Yeah, let's just mount some lasers on the heads of these Dolphins. That was Dr. Evil, but you get the idea. If I'm not mistaken, Ben, this episode on idiotic military prototypes involves like a thing that was like a pedal driven helicopter under a dome. Like that was trying to be sort of like a war of the world sort of space vehicle, like Jetsons type thing, but just it could not stay aloft. And I'm probably misremembering some of the details there, but that's the kind of stuff you're in for on this episode.
Ben
And we can't wait to roll the tape.
Christopher Haciotes
This is an I heart podcast.
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Noel
It'S Ed Helms, host of Snafu, my podcast about history's greatest screw ups. On our new season, we're bringing you a new snafu.
Ben
Every single episode.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
32 lost nuclear weapons. You're like, wait, stop.
Christopher Haciotes
What?
Noel
Yeah, it's going to be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and a whole lot of fabulous guests. Paul Scheer, Angela and Jenna, Nick Kroll, Jordan Klepper. Listen to season four of SNAFU with Ed Helms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
The murder of an 18 year old girl in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved for years until a local housewife, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story.
Noel
America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
Listen to Graves county on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad free, subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.
Ben
There's a viral sickness in Amber's Town. You must excise it. Dig into the deep earth and cut it out. From iheart podcasts and Grim and Mild from Aaron Manke. This is Havoc Town, a new fiction podcast set in the Bridgewater audio universe, starring Jewel State and Ray Wise. Listen to Havoc town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartrad. First things first. The US military has so much money. It's only tangentially related to our episode today, but if we're looking at a hard number, in 2017 alone, the US military's budget was around a little over $610 billion.
Noel
Ben, that can't be true.
Ben
It's true, Noel. It's true. And you have to wonder where all this money goes. We have not been in the military ourselves that we're aware of, right?
Noel
No, no. But I think you've spent some time around military type things.
Ben
That's true in my other life. And our super producer Casey Pegram has also, to our knowledge, not been involved in the military or cannot admit to anything.
Noel
He's more of a sleeper agent type.
Ben
You know, I always had him pegged as that as well. And I mean that as a compliment, Casey. But every time that we are looking into strange stor for Ridiculous History, we have a pretty high likelihood of running into some shenanigan by one military or another. Because militaries and governments drive a lot of technological innovation right there. A Lot of things that are now common in the civilian world started out as military initiatives for the purposes of waging war.
Noel
That's right. And there's always kind of a disconnect where you think, oh, that's like crazy future technology. But turns out the military was doing it, like, 20 years ago. And then it kind of gets. When they're, like, done with it, then it gets leaked out into the public sphere, and you can kind of, you know, get a thumb drive or like a PlayStation or whatever.
Ben
Or a GPS system.
Noel
Exactly.
Ben
Yeah. And this. This is something that's been on our collective minds for some time, both in this show and other shows that we've done. So we were over the moon when our good pal friend of the show, Christopher Osiotes, hit us up earlier and said, hey, what. What do you guys think about weird military weapons that never quite made it. We said something to the effect of, holy smokes, will you please hang out with us on air? And by golly, by gum, he agreed. Welcome back to the show, ridiculous historians. Christopher Haciotes.
Christopher Haciotes
Hey, thanks for having me.
Noel
And then we all hugged.
Ben
And then we all hugged again and.
Christopher Haciotes
Again and again in a ridiculous way.
Ben
We've been hugging this whole time and doing light handholds.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, yeah.
Ben
So, Christopher, of course, thank you for returning to the show. If anyone listening through some gross miscarriage of cosmic justice hasn't had the chance to check out your appearance on our Louie Louie episode, I would say I don't know what you think, Noel. I would say, pause this episode and listen to that.
Noel
It's one of my personal favorite episodes we've ever done.
Ben
So, Christopher, what inspired you to think about this topic?
Christopher Haciotes
There are, as you mentioned, the military contributes so many things to society in terms of technological innovations. Lots of great stuff that we've gotten out of the minds behind military weaponry. But to get to those successes, sometimes you gotta break a couple, what, nuclear bombs? Eggs. To make a. We're gonna stretch this metaphor out to make some sort of omelet of death and destruction. The death omelet. Yeah, the death omelet.
Ben
Right. Nailed it.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, I like that. But, yeah, there are just a lot of examples of really strange things out there where you would think this is an Internet hoax the first time you hear about it. Or you would think, surely someone on some committee would have said, guys, wait a minute, that's just not gonna work. But probably a lot of you out there listening have been in a situation where, you know, your boss has an idea and your boss really loves the Idea. And you're thinking, I know that's not a good idea. And everyone around here knows that's not a good idea. But the boss really wants to do this.
Noel
Yeah. And sometimes bosses like to throw out big, wild ideas to justify their existence, you know, in the hopes that it'll, like, be a big splash. But a lot of times it just kind of fizzles. And today we're going to talk about some good fizzles.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. Fizzles, splashes. Kabooms, Kaputs.
Ben
Yeah.
Christopher Haciotes
All the onomatopoeia out there.
Ben
That's true. Yeah. And we have compiled some of our favorites. We do have to say from the beginning, we're not going to get to every single spectacular, strange, hilarious failure.
Christopher Haciotes
No.
Noel
We're going to do two apiece.
Ben
Yeah. We're going to. Maybe if the wind's at our back and everything goes according to plan, hit up a total of six. But we have curated these, and we want to know what you think. What do you think about this, guys? Christopher Centur, our guest today. Would you like to do the honors and kick off the first invention?
Christopher Haciotes
Guys, just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip that departed from a Russian port upon a rounded ship.
Noel
Mate, was a mighty sailing man. I'm sorry, I can't not do that.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. I don't know what's Gilligan in Russian?
Ben
Comrade Gilligan.
Christopher Haciotes
Comrade Ben.
Ben
I know you've got a Russian accent, Comrade Gilliganov.
Christopher Haciotes
I love it. I love it. Yeah. The first thing I want to talk to you about are the round ships of the Russian Navy. We're talking 1860s technology. Two ships in particular. The Vita, Admiral Popov and the Novgorod. Now, these were coastal defense ships. You have to think back to the time of the Russian war. So Russia had just suffered some defeats at the hands of France and some of their allies, and they had actually been banned from building and maintaining battleships in the Black Sea. But Russia still needed to defend their land and their sea. And specifically, we're talking about the Kerch Strait. Now, that's the. If you think back to your geography class, the part of the world right between the Black Sea and the Sea of Azov. So you've got a little strait where ships pass through and they need to defend it. And this task of creating a defense was given to Vice Admiral Popov. He said, I'm gonna make you some ships to defend the waters. He said, I'm gonna make you some round ships to defend the waters.
Noel
Yeah. Cause it's 360 degrees of protection, right?
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. Floating platforms, kind of tank. Like not intended for quick fleet battle, but just intended to defend.
Ben
More like death buoys.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. So he came up with this circular boat. He wanted to build 10 of them, but the Russian navy said, let's, let's go, let's build two, you know, and then we'll talk about the rest. So I want you to picture just a circular platform a couple hundred feet across.
Ben
Okay.
Christopher Haciotes
Six propellers on the back, two cannons on the top. Now let me ask you, have you guys been canoeing?
Ben
Yes.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. No.
Noel
Kayaking.
Christopher Haciotes
Kayaking, okay. So have you ever been kayaking and just rode just on one side.
Noel
You kind of go around in circles.
Christopher Haciotes
Like now imagine you're just firing a cannon just on one side and then.
Ben
It accelerates your spin. Yeah.
Christopher Haciotes
And you're a completely circular boat.
Ben
So this wasn't moored in any way to the sea floor.
Christopher Haciotes
So this was a ship, it was a monitor, which is a type of small light warship defined by kind of oversized guns. So you've got this round ship, two guns on top, and anytime one gun would fire, it would just spin the ship around in a circle. And they tried and tried and tried to figure out a way to counterbalance this. They tried to run the propellers in the opposite direction of the firing. It just didn't work. And it just came down to a severe misunderstanding and. Or just plain ignoring the physics on the part of Admiral Popov.
Noel
Well, isn't there a vodka named after him?
Christopher Haciotes
I don't know if it's named after him, but it is named that.
Noel
Okay, well, maybe, maybe there was vodka.
Christopher Haciotes
Vodka best forgotten from the, you know, it's. No, Mr. Boston. You know, half tip to Mr. Boston.
Noel
No, I know, I know it's pretty low shelf, but.
Ben
So maybe those were his two big ideas. Round warships and, you know, low rent vodka.
Christopher Haciotes
Well, he thought that if you, if you created a really shallow, round, broad boat, it would float really well in the water. And it did. It floated fine. But the problem is what makes boats so successful is the shape. They're sort of long, they cut through the water. Right. When you have a wide, broad boat with six propellers trying to push forward, you're pushing the entire mass. There's a lot more drag. It just does not work. And nobody said, hey, Popov, let's not do this. So the ships were built, we're talking 1870. They actually, despite their ridiculous nature, were put into service, defended the straits, didn't do it particularly well.
Noel
So they did these embarrassing Tests and they tried to fix it, but they realized they couldn't, but they just went ahead and forged on.
Christopher Haciotes
Well, the thing is, is the tests themselves weren't that embarrassing. We're still in early days of tank testing. And by tank, I mean a giant tank of water. You know, it takes a lot to build a ship and you don't want to just put it out on the water and.
Noel
Because then there you are.
Ben
So they did models, right?
Christopher Haciotes
Well, they built, yeah, a big tank of water. Built some models. And you know, these tanks were still water. And that's one of the things. These ships worked fine in still water. But let me read you a little bit about this ship from the book World's Worst Warships, a very specific book out in 2002 from Anthony Preston. He said the Vitse, Admiral Popov and the Novgorod were too slow to stem the current and proved very difficult to steer. In practice, the discharge of even one gun caused them to turn out of control. And even contra rotating some of the six propellers were unable to keep the ship on correct heading. They were prone to rapid rolling and pitching in anything more than a flat calm and could not aim or load their guns under such circumstances.
Noel
So wouldn't that throw off the trajectory of the shot as well? Right, so it would not only screw up the navigation of the boat and the direction it would like be completely impossible to aim.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, I think you would have to just be really lucky or hit the broadside of a boat that's nearby or try to shoot it, I don't know, at the water as a warning. Basically. These were in service. These two boats were in service for about three decades. They just kind of floated there. They did their thing. Ultimately, they were put into storage in 1893 and right before the First World War kicked off, they were just scrapped.
Ben
Because they figured they could use the materials for something a little bit less.
Christopher Haciotes
Cartoonishly ineffective or it was just wasting everyone's time. You know, you had better things to do than to just keep a giant round boat that. Honestly, it looks like a toy. It looks like a child's toy that you would float in a bathtub.
Noel
So it doesn't even look scary.
Christopher Haciotes
No, it's, it's, it looks perfect. Perfect circle.
Noel
No, I get it.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah.
Noel
Yeah.
Christopher Haciotes
And we've got some photos we can share on. Ridiculous historians.
Noel
What's the logic though? What is it? What is this pop off fellow thinking? Like, is he trying to cut corners?
Ben
Wow.
Noel
Literally cut all the corners.
Ben
There we go. That was good.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, he really did just want to come up with a really smart idea. You know, it's the kind of thing you want to be the one who solves the problem.
Ben
Yeah.
Christopher Haciotes
And he just didn't. There were other round boat proponents at the time. There was a guy in England in the 1850s who was really all about the round hull. People thought it would add stability to the ship, and it added stability in certain circumstances. But in rain, in wind, in choppy waters, you know the kind of things that happen when you're at sea. No dice.
Ben
So one important note for everyone listening who's thinking maybe the same thing I initially thought, which is, well, okay, sure, this ship rotates wildly. Anytime the gun is fired, the guns are fired. Rather, why don't they just make these weapons of absolute chaos and have the guns fire quickly? So the stuff is just sort of spinning. Tasmanian devil style firing on all sides. The problem, I believe, is the loading time. Right. Because every shot was. So these were rifle mortar type rounds, muzzle loaded guns.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. This is still 1870s, 1880s. So we don't have machine gun technology on a boat like this.
Ben
And they can't load it while it's spinning.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, exactly.
Ben
So I would be very curious to find out how long it took them to shoot, get back to a calm, stable state, and then reload and shoot again.
Christopher Haciotes
I guess in theory, if you fired both cannons at precisely the right time, it would stabilize itself, but that seems so, so unlikely and also wasting a.
Noel
Shot because obviously your target's only going to be on one side or the other. Chances are. So you got to coordinate and be like, all right, guys, we got a.
Christopher Haciotes
Three, two, one, go.
Noel
Oh, yeah, this is comical.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. I mean, in Popov's defense, he was trying to solve problems and ignoring the problems generated by his supposed solutions. The ships that were round like this could be much more heavily armored, so they could withstand more attacks. So he did solve that problem, but it just kind of ignored the failings.
Noel
All right, well, I think we can definitely call that a military fail.
Ben
Yes, for sure.
Noel
Yeah.
Christopher Haciotes
A Popovka, as it was known. The type of ship, they named it after him. To his glory and. Or maybe in glory.
Ben
Yeah, yeah. What's next?
Noel
Do I get to go?
Ben
Do you want to go?
Noel
I do. Because I really want to say these two words.
Ben
Yeah, yeah, Go for it.
Noel
Rocket bullets.
Christopher Haciotes
Yes.
Ben
Okay.
Noel
Rocket bullets. That's fun, right?
Ben
Yeah. So one of the first questions would be, aren't all bullets propelled? What makes these different?
Noel
Well, these are propelled using rocket fuel. Nice. Or jet fuel. Let's be Fair. Yeah. So this might sound like something out of a James Bond movie. And as it turns out, it actually is. This weapon called the Gyrojet, made by two gentlemen named Robert Meinhart and Arthur T. Beal, who started a company, an arms company called mba, which was short for Manhart and Beale Associates. They decided they wanted regular guns, just weren't cutting it for them. They wanted to do something a little more futuristic because this is the time when we wanted to rocketize everything.
Christopher Haciotes
And so their company was mba, right?
Noel
Yeah, mba.
Christopher Haciotes
It should have been like Magic Bullet association or something.
Ben
There we go.
Noel
Thank you. So the first thing they worked on was something called the fin jet, which shot these tiny little needle type rocket bullets out of this weapon. And the thing that was cool about rocket bullets, that's what I'm gonna keep calling them, is they were self propell propelling. They didn't need that much complicated mechanisms in the gun itself because these bullets literally had a rod of jet fuel running through them and a little element that could get hit by the hammer. Didn't even need a firing pin. And then it would propel itself out of the muzzle. And I actually saw a really great video where some guys with a YouTube channel got a hold of one of these, the Gyrojet model. And you can see they did slow motion photography where the bullet exits the muzzle and then a little ways out, it gets rocketized. So when it comes out initially it's actually going quite slow. So one of the issues with this gun was it didn't work very well at point blank range because, you know, people would joke that you could stop it with your hand and it, you know, it might break some bones in your hand, but it certainly would not penetrate your skin at point.
Christopher Haciotes
It seems like range if you fired a bullet that's moving that slowly, its trajectory wouldn't stay constant.
Noel
Yeah, that's the thing about it. It used a technology called spin stabilization, which I'm a little foggy on the exact cause I'm not like a ballistic specialist or anything, but the bullets had these three holes drilled in the back of them that when it would cause them to rotate really, really fast and they would achieve such an incredible speed once they actually got to their maximum velocity. And a lot of that had to do with the fact that they came out of the barrel, like spinning.
Christopher Haciotes
So sort of like a rifling technology?
Noel
Exactly like that, but not because the barrels were smooth. They didn't actually have that. That a regular gun, it has bored out kind of like little whatever you call it markings or kind of grooves. Exactly. That causes the bullet to do that because otherwise it would just go wild and not be accurate at all. Turns out it still wasn't very accurate because of the fact that this rocket fuel would burn at pretty unpredictable rates and you could never quite predict what it was going to do. So this video that I saw, which is really, really worth checking out. If you just searched testing gyrojet rocket guns, why were they a commercial failure on YouTube? You can these guys that do this amazing test of this, you can't find these anymore because the parts don't exist.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, I imagine that they look kind of like a bottle rocket where they just sort of spin off wildly. You can't quite decide which way it's gonna go.
Noel
No, they were much more stable than that, but they certainly were not as stable as a traditional gun. They did some tests where they measured how accurate they were compared to a regular gun. And it wasn't insane, but it was just very unpredictable. And there's one part where it just kind of went up all of a sudden and like shot the GoPro camera off of the dummy that they were firing at. So but they had other models. They had a more of a rifle with a scope on it and they had something that kind of looks like a machine gun, a carbine. But these were. They loaded one bullet at a time and it was semi automatic so you could fire one after the other. But it certainly wasn't fully automatic. And this is pretty neat in order to keep the rocket fuel from like leaking out or to keep it contained properly. These guys were super innovative. They figured out that titanium oxide was the best chemical for containing this stuff. So it didn't accidentally ignite just like in the casing. And they just went down to the local paint store and bought the white paint that had the most titanium oxide content. And so you can actually see they got these rocket fuel rods in these long, kind of like almost like big thick pencil lead. And then they lathed it on like an actual lathe to get it cut down to the right size to fit these bullets. And then they spray painted them white on the outside and then put them in the casing. And it did not discharge a shell, it shot the whole thing out. So that's what made them different too.
Ben
Question. Yeah. How much did these cost and did the cost play a role in their failure other than their completely hilarious. Yeah, lack of reliability?
Noel
And this maybe isn't a very good military one because it doesn't feel like they were developed for the military, but it was too good of like a weaponry fail to not throw in here. And especially the fact that it was very much featured in you only live twice, the James Bond movie, because of the fact that you look at them, they look like a cool like spy gun, you know.
Christopher Haciotes
Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean given that it's full of rocket fuel, I wouldn't want to carry that around in my pocket. But it's a cool looking gun.
Noel
It is a cool looking gun. Not to mention that apparently they could engineer the bullets so that they would dissolve in the human body.
Ben
Cool.
Noel
And that was a big part of it, I believe in the Bond film. Because that way you would leave no trace and there would be no forensic evidence to tie anybody to the bullets. Exactly.
Ben
But I think that they did at least get tested by the US army, if not specifically this brand of rocket bullets, something like this gyrojet had an assault rifle that the army tested briefly.
Noel
Yeah, I mean I didn't run across that myself. It was a very bit of a blip in the history of these weapons. But I mean the army's gonna get wind of any new fangled device, they'll give it a go, they'll throw a little money at it.
Christopher Haciotes
And if you're gonna miniaturize something, I mean you might, you could, you could load that thing with little tiny explosives in the tip. You could have like a tiny little ballistic missile.
Noel
And it's interesting, the, the weapons failed because of largely they were expensive and they were a pain to make because to drill those holes I was talking about, that created the spin, they had to have these tapered drill bits which had to be custom machined themselves and they would always break. So to make that the AMM very expensive because again, the guns themselves only really had a hammer and the firing pin was fixed because it actually would push the hammer would push it backwards and then the firing pin would pierce the little primer that would then set off the chain reaction that would light the rocket fuel. But you would see it come out of the gun and it wouldn't start shooting a little rocket tail out of it until it was about halfway to the target. So I mean it's, it's pretty fascinating. But the company NBA actually went on to make a lot of non lethal ammunition like beanbag shot and, and they made little pen guns like little pen projectile things that were, that were used in the military. So.
Ben
Cool.
Noel
Pretty cool, right?
Ben
Yeah, I think that's ridiculous.
Christopher Haciotes
I don't know.
Noel
I think it's more Interesting. But it's just a very roundabout way of doing something that was already done pretty well. It's sort of like.
Christopher Haciotes
But, but, but, but, but.
Noel
These use rocket fuel. These use rocket fuel.
Ben
Guys, have you heard about rocket fuel?
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. I like to think in the future when humanity is gone and the world is overtaken by, let's say, mice. Super smart, intelligent mice. Sure.
Ben
Very secret in them.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, absolutely. They're gonna find these guns and these will act like giant bazookas or missile launchers. I'm just picturing a cute little mouse holding one of these guns on its shoulder, launching rockets at, you know, cats.
Noel
I love that image. And last thing I do want to say that in the video that I saw, the, the ammunition they had was, was very, very old and it all worked, you know, and I would have thought that the, the fuel would have degraded or something would have happened to make it not function properly, explode in the gun and not do what it was supposed to do. And it wasn't perfectly accurate, but it definitely reached the target every time and didn't just like zoom off somewhere else entirely. It just didn't, you know, keep a perfect bead, you know what I mean?
Christopher Haciotes
Well, you know what the answer is to all this? That the, the expensive, boring tips and all that. Lasers.
Ben
Lasers.
Christopher Haciotes
Lasers, yeah, yeah. I am not a scientist, I am not a ballistics expert, but as with all things in life, the answer is probably just lasers.
Ben
And you are, you are a well known laser enthusiast?
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, why not?
Ben
It's one of the first things people told me about you when we started working together.
Noel
They're just neat.
Ben
They're great. Oh, man. We used to have a very like an industrial class laser at the office. Years and years ago, it mysteriously disappeared.
Christopher Haciotes
Would it make a cool laser sound like in the really cheesy techno songs?
Ben
I feel like every time we played around with it and we were literally just playing with a dangerous laser, one of us was making sounds.
Christopher Haciotes
Making pew pew noises.
Ben
Yeah. Because it was better than the click click.
Noel
Why did you, why did you have this? What was it? Was it for?
Ben
You know, just to learn about stuff. Lasers are cool.
Noel
Yeah.
Ben
It wasn't powerful enough to physically cut things, but it was one of those lasers that would do permanent damage to your eye.
Noel
Got it.
Ben
If you shot it towards someone's eye.
Christopher Haciotes
I would do some good for kids.
Ben
Good for great for children.
Noel
I was at a Black Crows concert once and someone had one of those laser pointers and was shooting it at the singer guy and he got very upset. He threatened to. To take it away from him and put it someplace like yeah, pipsy in his pocket.
Christopher Haciotes
Oh yeah.
Noel
And he's going to confiscate it, not give it back.
Ben
Sounds very substitute teacher vibe there.
Noel
All I know is what I've been.
Ben
Told and that to have truth is a whole lie.
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Noel
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Ben
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Noel
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Ben
Did not kill her or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y' all said.
Christopher Haciotes
They literally made me say that I.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
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Christopher Haciotes
They made me say that I or.
Noel
Gas on her.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
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Christopher Haciotes
America, y' all better wake the hell up.
Noel
Bad things happens to good people and small towns.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
Listen to Graves county in the Bone Valley feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad free, subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.
Ben
Hey, it's Ed Helms.
Noel
And welcome back to Snafu, my podcast.
Ben
About history's greatest screw ups.
Noel
On our new season, we're back bringing you a new Snafu Every single episode.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
32 lost nuclear weapons.
Christopher Haciotes
You're like, wait, stop.
Noel
What?
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, Ernie Shackleton sounds like a solid 70s basketball player who still wore knee pads.
Noel
Yes. It's gonna be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and.
Christopher Haciotes
A whole lot of guests.
Noel
The great Paul Scheer made me feel good. I'm like, oh, wow, Angela and Jenna. I am so psychedelic. You're here.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
What was that like for you to soft launch into the show?
Noel
Sorry, Jenna.
Ben
I'll be asking the questions today.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
I forgot whose podcast we were doing.
Noel
Nick Kroll. I hope this story is good enough to get you to toss that sandwich.
Ben
So let's, let's, let's see how it goes.
Noel
Listen to season four of SNAFU with Ed Helms. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Christopher Haciotes
At 19, Elena Sada believed she had found her calling. In the new season of Sacred Scandal, we pull back the curtain on a life built on devotion and deception. A man of God, Marcial Maciel, looked Elena in the eye and promised her a life of purpose within the Legion of Christ.
Noel
My name is Elena Sada, and this is my story is the story of how I learned to hide, to cry, to survive, and eventually how I got out.
Christopher Haciotes
This season on Sacred Scandal, hear the full story from the woman who lived it. Witness the journey from devout follower to determined survivor as Helena exposes the man behind the cloth and the system that protected him. Even the darkest secrets eventually find their way to the light. Listen to Sacred Scandal, the many secrets of Martial Maciel as part of the Mikeultura Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Ben
There's a vile sickness in Abbas Town. You must excise it. Dig into the deep earth and cut it out. The village is ravaged. Entire families have been consumed.
Noel
You know how waking up from a.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
Dream, a familiar place can look completely alien.
Christopher Haciotes
Get back, everyone.
Ben
And if you see the devil walking around inside of another man, you must cut out the very heart of him, burn his body, and scatter the ashes in the furthest corner of this town. As a warning from iHeart podcasts and grim and mild from Aaron Manke, this is Havoc Town, a new fiction podcast set in the Bridgewater audio universe, starring Jewel State and Ray Wise. Listen to Havoc town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Devil walks in Abbostown. So we've talked about an amazing ship. We've talked about some. Some, I would say very innovative bullets. Both of those things on the offset seem like they are worth investigating, right? I'd like to give you one that I'm on the fence about, especially because in my past life hosting car stuff, I learned to love ridiculous vehicles. Have you ever looked at a Jeep and thought, I would get one of these if it was also a helicopter? Because if you have been thinking about this, I want to introduce everyone to the Hafner Roto Buggy. It is a British experimental aircraft that looks kind of doofy.
Christopher Haciotes
It looks like exactly what you said. It looks like a helicopter truck, a jeep, a copter.
Noel
Yeah, there you go.
Ben
And what's ridiculous to me is there's having the. The rotors and the wheels. It's sort of transit wise, it's kind of like wearing a pair of suspenders and a belt. So the Roto Buggy came about as. As a solution to the problem of airdropping off road vehicles. And a guy named Raoul Hafner of the Airborne Forces Experimental Establishment created this after they had an earlier invention that had some success, which was the Rota Chute. They took this rotor thing and ran with it. It was an experimental one person kite rotor thing.
Christopher Haciotes
Wow. So it's kind of like a helicopter that you sit on that is sort of like a Segway with blades. It just seems. That seems dangerous.
Noel
It looks like a wind sock or something like that. It's hovering behind this. Like. Is it tethered to that truck, Ben?
Ben
It is tethered. They would probably be picking up speed and then the air would catch here. It's a kite, essentially, with a.
Christopher Haciotes
So it's like a giant. It's like a giant kite or like a big rudder that flies behind your back, but also you have helicopter blades on your head.
Ben
I think the emphasis was to look whimsical in this, but it enjoyed some, as you said, some success, which led to the creation of the Roto Buggy. I think similar to the way you feel about rocket bullets, Noel. I think I just like saying Rotabuggy.
Noel
Rotabuggy's fun. But, Ben, do you think they were trying to strike fear into the hearts of their enemies with whimsy?
Ben
I think they were trying to strike whimsy into their heart of their enemies, yeah. So here's the crazy thing. It's so unaerodynamic. It looks so poorly designed because Jeeps and helicopters have two very different ways of transporting people and two very different footprints, design wise. But their initial tests were pretty promising because they weren't testing it stem to stern, soup to nuts, an entire operation. They were testing aspects of an operation. They started by dropping it from around 8ft or so, and then they say, okay, well, it can just drop 8ft, it'll be fine. And things didn't really go wrong until November 1943, when they tried to tow it to get enough speed to get the Roto Buggy into the air. It didn't work the first time on the 16th of November, and it wasn't till the 27th of November that they got a Bentley Auto and this unwieldy machine was able to become airborne and it reached gliding speeds of 45 miles an hour, which is surprisingly good for.
Christopher Haciotes
You know, for a totally not aerodynamic.
Ben
Object, a Jeep with a Helicopter butt.
Noel
Yeah, yeah. But okay, so when did it all go south, Ben? When did it all go south?
Ben
So would you believe me if I told you in the parking lot at our office now? I'm kidding. I wish I could take us on a roto buggy ride. It went severely south. As they continued testing, there were huge problems with vibration speed and instability, and they kept improving it. 1944, they got it to a flight speed of 70 miles an hour, or 113 kilometers. And the last flight in September of 1944, it broke a record for itself. It was able to fly for 10 minutes, and it was described as highly satisfactory. And the thing is that the British army probably would have continued trying to make rota buggies if it were not for the introduction of large gliders that could carry vehicles. So gliders, like the Airspeed horsa, which are just. They look like planes, but they're gliders. These things, if you see the picture, can carry vehicles.
Christopher Haciotes
So it's the kind of situation where whoever came up with the roto buggy solved a problem pretty well, but as they were doing that, someone else is working on the same problem and just totally surpasses them.
Ben
It's the laserdisc conundrum.
Noel
Yeah, I mean, but can't you just drive a Jeep out of the back of an airplane and have a Jeep parachute, like in Fast and the Furious?
Ben
One would think. I guess what they were grappling with was a failure of material science at the time, too, because then you would have to build a fabric strong enough and resilient enough not to just break.
Noel
That's true.
Christopher Haciotes
And maybe this jeepacopter could then speed up and take off again and return. So let's say you were attacking a little island. You could drop them all off, they could come back, you could have a Jeep, a copter for a while.
Noel
That does sound like fun.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, Take a Jeep, a copter ride. See the Grand Canyon, see the world. It sounds like a nice whimsical holiday thing.
Noel
I would just prefer, though, if the blades folded up in a really cool way with a sound effect.
Christopher Haciotes
But you're talking about Transformers.
Noel
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
Ben
I know a lot of flying cars do that now, or flying car prototypes. This was a.
Noel
Wait a minute. We have flying cars.
Christopher Haciotes
What do you know that we don't?
Ben
We have flying car prototypes, as in like, one to two copies of something like Terrafugia.
Noel
I was like, finally, it's the future.
Ben
It's weird. So we're all good. Friends with. With our pal Scott Benjamin, who's a wonderful, brilliant, erudite man, but he hates flying cars. And for the better part of the last six years, he and I have been very beefed up about this. Look, I get that they're dangerous. I understand that. I get that it would be disastrous to have flying cars, but I don't want everyone to have flying cars. I just want one. Because as long as there's only one, things are gonna be relatively fine. You guys are cool. Would you guys want one? I think we can. Could get the number up to four without. We just wouldn't.
Noel
Well, there's a whole conundrum that goes into flying cars. I mean, you ever heard of airplanes? We have to have a whole system of air traffic controllers and, you know, coordinated takeoffs and landings. If there were flying cars just willy nilly, there'd be a lot of air midair collisions, I think.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, but we figured it out, right? I mean, I imagine there's a podcast from the late 1800s on whatever format they podcasted in back then. So saying, would you have an automobile, A horseless carriage? We have horses. You know what would happen if you had 10 people in a town with a car? That would be madness.
Noel
I think they just etched podcasts right into wax cylinders.
Ben
Yes, absolutely. So there we are. Road. A buggy. I like it. If you are roadbugged that you have missed this period in history, do not despair. The last thing I'll say about it is you can go to a town with an amazing name. You're gonna love this name. Middle wallop. And in Middle Wallop, there is a museum of army flying that has a replica of a rota buggy as well as a rota tank, which is the.
Christopher Haciotes
Same thing, but a tank that seems like you would need much bigger blades to keep a tank aloft.
Ben
Yeah, it was a weird idea.
Christopher Haciotes
But this is the kind of thing where if. If any ridiculous historians are listening at home and you're enjoying this show with your, who knows, you know, your daughters, your sons. You could make a little toy rotabuggy. You know, just. Just go buy a toy helicopter, snap off the blades.
Noel
That's called a transformer.
Christopher Haciotes
No, no, no. I'm taking. Buy two things, glue them together, make your own toys, have a little roto buggy warfare thing going on at home.
Noel
Toy mashup.
Ben
I like it. Yeah. So what's next, Christopher?
Christopher Haciotes
Well, I started off with some wildly propulsive cannons, and that is where we are headed again, but this time we're staying stateside we're not going to Russia. We're in the United States. Well, let me correct that. We're in the Confederate States of America.
Ben
Oh boy.
Christopher Haciotes
Or in the lead up to what would become that. You've already seen a double barreled cannon.
Ben
I feel as if I can picture it in my mind.
Noel
It popped right in when you said the words.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, double barreled cannon. Right. You've got think of a shotgun. Double barreled shotgun.
Ben
Okay.
Christopher Haciotes
Shoots out twice as much shot.
Noel
But can't you unload it one barrel at a time as well?
Christopher Haciotes
You can.
Noel
Yeah, because there's like a little compound trigger, right?
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, but you don't want to do that with a double barreled cannon.
Noel
Well, I was wondering.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, so the double barrel cannon we're going to talk about is from the American Civil War, but it's not a purely American invention. The idea of this goes back to 1642, so Renaissance Italy, Florence in particular. And there was an inventor named Antonio Petrini who came up with the idea of a double barrel cannon. It was put into action though in 1862 by a man named John Gilliland. Now, Galiland was a mechanic and dentist living in Athens, Georgia.
Ben
Okay. Oh, all right.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. Not too far from where we are. We're here in Atlanta. Recording. So about an hour and a half up the road, Galiland said, I'm gonna take two cannons, put them together in one sort of one molded entity. They've got two side by side bores in a three inch diameter. And you've got these two six pound balls next to one another. But that's not it. You've also got a 10 foot chain connecting the two balls.
Ben
I have heard of this.
Noel
Okay, that sounds dangerous.
Christopher Haciotes
Well, you know, think of the. What are they called?
Ben
Bolos.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, bolos. That gauchos in South America use to capture birds or horses or whatever. So you've got these two balls connected by a chain propelled from a cannon. Think of the destruction possible. These spinning balls of death. A chain in between them. It's just gonna tear through the Union soldiers. Right. Just cut you right in half.
Ben
You would think one would imagine. Yeah, you'd think, you'd think.
Christopher Haciotes
So that's not quite what happened. Now, Galiland was passionate about this idea. He actually put out a subscription service to raise funds to develop the prototype. He raised about $350. I don't know if those were Confederate or Union dollars. And he built it, he tested it, and reports from the time say they blasted the cannon. Two balls, a chain it tore through a cornfield, it knocked down a chimney, it killed a cow. But it was just so wild and uncontrollable that the Confederate army said, no, no, no, this is ridiculous. We do not want this.
Ben
In terms of accuracy.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, you would have to fire both cannons simultaneously because they're sitting parallel to one another but slightly splayed. A slight degree of difference in the direction in which they propel the ball. And that's so that the two cannonballs that sit next to one another when they fly out of the cannon will spread out and kind of pull the chain between them. Okay, but getting that exactly right, with 1860s technology, you can't be that precise. And so what happens is even a split second of timing difference in firing one or the other side of the cannon, or a little bit of wind or a little bit of, who knows, some material in the barrel will just send one ball slightly faster than the other. And all of a sudden you get something that's sort of rip. Sawing through the terrain, going in completely the wrong direction. Now that could be destructive. It tore down some trees. But yeah, it's just too risky to bring into warfare.
Noel
I got a good idea.
Christopher Haciotes
What's your idea? Bigger cannons, Bigger balls. Bigger balls, longer chains?
Noel
Well, no, not even just one. Just one barrel.
Christopher Haciotes
One barrel bigger. So a big.
Noel
Big cannons, Big cannons. Yep.
Ben
That's interesting because I heard about the ball and chain stuff before, but I always thought. To your point, Noel? I always thought that it was a situation where there was a single cannon and they loaded the balls sort of atop each other with the chain hanging out and then shot it out that way.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, that seems like that would make more sense than having two sources of propulsion.
Ben
Let's double. Did anybody try like a triple barreled cannon?
Christopher Haciotes
I think they have that at Burger King, right?
Ben
They do. It comes with cheese.
Christopher Haciotes
Yes. There's a special sauce, but yeah. So this cannon, it was just a total failure. But Galiland believed so passionately in his invention, he kept trying to make the case to the Confederate army. The cannon was shipped from Athens, Georgia to Augusta, where it was put into more testing because he really, really thought it would work. Ultimately. No, no, no is what the Confederates said. It was sent back to Athens. It was used in battle, but just as a signal. So kind of a warning shot to let the Confederates know that the US Troops were arriving. So, you know, as. As cannons are used. And you can see that cannon today, it still sits in Athens, Georgia. It was sold by the city for a while. Luckily was not scrapped or anything. And the city bought it again. And it now sits atop a hill in Athens, Georgia, right next to City Hall. There's a little plaque. You can kind of go look at it and say, that's weird.
Ben
Have you seen it?
Christopher Haciotes
I have seen it. Yeah.
Noel
See, I used to live in Athens and this was all ringing a bell when you were talking about it. And I feel like I've seen it before.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, it's at the corner of College Avenue and what not. West Washington, I think. Corner of Clayton Street, I think.
Noel
That's right.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. And it's on the northeastern corner, pointed straight up at the Yankees.
Ben
Oh, wow.
Christopher Haciotes
Not that it's a threat or anything. It doesn't work and it never worked. But, you know, might as well.
Ben
Might as well have the impotent rage represented in a statue. Oh, man, that's a good one, Christopher. Yeah, that's a great one.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. If you guys want to take a field trip, we'll just hop on over to Athens.
Ben
Let's go.
Noel
I'm all about. I haven't been back in too long.
Christopher Haciotes
It's a good place.
Noel
All I know is what I've been told.
Ben
And that's a half truth is a whole lie.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
For almost a decade, the murder of an 18 year old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved until a local homemaker, a journalist and a handful of girls came forward with a story.
Noel
I'm telling you, we know Quincy killed her.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
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Ben
Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
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Noel
I did not know her and I.
Ben
Did not kill her or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y' all said.
Christopher Haciotes
They literally made me say that I.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
Took a match and struck and threw it on her.
Christopher Haciotes
They made me say that I poured.
Noel
Gas on her.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
From lava for good. This is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame.
Christopher Haciotes
America, y' all better wake the hell up.
Noel
Bad things happens to good people and small towns.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
Listen to Graves county in the Boneville Valley feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season at Free, subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.
Ben
Hey, it's Ed Helms.
Noel
And welcome back to snafu, my podcast.
Ben
About history's greatest screw ups.
Noel
On our new circuit season, we're bringing you a new snafu. Every single episode.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
32 lost nuclear weapons.
Christopher Haciotes
You're like, wait, stop.
Noel
What?
Ben
Yeah.
Christopher Haciotes
Ernie Shackleton sounds like a solid 70s basketball player who still wore knee pads.
Noel
Yes. It's gonna be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and.
Christopher Haciotes
A whole lot of guests.
Noel
The great Paul Scheer made me feel good.
Christopher Haciotes
I'm like, oh, wow.
Noel
Angela and Jenna, I am so psyched you're here.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
What was that like for you to soft launch into the show?
Noel
Sorry, Jenna.
Ben
I'll be asking the questions today.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
I forgot whose podcast we were doing.
Noel
Nick Kroll. I hope this story is good enough to get you to toss that sandwich.
Ben
So let's, let's, let's see how it goes.
Noel
Listen to season four of SNAFU with Ed Helms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Christopher Haciotes
At 19, Elena Sada believed she had found her calling. In the new season of Sacred Scandal, we pull back the curtain on a life built on devotion and deception. A man of God, Martial Maciel, looked Elena in the eye and promised her a life of purpose within the Legion of Christ.
Noel
My name is Elena Sada, and this.
Christopher Haciotes
Is my stock story. It's the story of how I learned.
Noel
To hide, to cry, to survive, and eventually how I got out.
Christopher Haciotes
This season on Sacred Scandal, hear the full story from the woman who lived it. Witness the journey from devout follower to determined survivor as Helena exposes the man behind the cloth and the system that protected him. Even the darkest secrets eventually find their way to the light. Listen to Sacred Scandal, the mini secrets of Martial Maciel as part of the My Kultura podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Ben
There's a vile sickness in Abbas Town. You must excise it. Dig into the deep earth and cut it out. The village is ravaged. Entire families have been consumed.
Noel
You know how waking up from a.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
Dream, a familiar place can look completely alien.
Noel
Get back, everyone.
Ben
And if you see the devil walking around inside of another man, you must cut out the very heart of him, burn his body and scatter the ashes in the furthest corner of this town. As a warning from iHeart podcasts and grim and mild from Aaron Mankind, this is Havoc Town, a new fiction podcast set in the Bridgewater audio universe, starring Jewel State and Ray Wise. Listen to Havoc town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The devil walks in Abbostown.
Noel
All right, well, I. I guess I'm gonna stick with kind of retro, futuristic kind of ones.
Ben
Cool.
Noel
This one is. I'm just gonn it. The hoverboard. Heard of it?
Ben
Yes, yes, yes.
Noel
Yeah. Turns out it was real.
Christopher Haciotes
So I feel like a lot of what we're talking about, or at least what you guys are talking about, could come straight out of the Back to the Future movies. You've got the flying cars, you've got a hoverboard rocket, bullets.
Noel
Yeah, okay, It's. A hoverboard's a bit of a misnomer. It's really more like a helicopter platform. Okay, so this is something that was designed by the Hiller Company for the US Navy. Originally it was called the VZ1 Pawnee, and it's basically a disc with fans underneath it. And it used something called rotor duct technology. So here's the interesting part about it. It also used something called kinesthetic control. Can you guys guess what that is?
Ben
Controlling by moving your body.
Noel
That's right. Which is why I think of the hoverboard. So, yeah, literally a person manning one of these things, or piloting one of these things rather, would be standing atop the strange little disc in kind of like a cage with no controls except for a throttle. So all they had control over was altitude. With an actual device to navigate, they have to lean to the left, lean to the right, lean forward, lean backward. And so it's almost like a segue in that respect. So they definitely tested these. They had a prototype which was much smaller than the second one. They kind of made the whole thing a little bigger, added a little bit more stability. And then the third one is massive. And it was so massive that it wouldn't even allow you to do the kinesthetic controls because it was just so unwieldy.
Christopher Haciotes
Unless you had like a group of guys standing on top and say, run to the left, run to the right.
Noel
Exactly. Now come back center, go. No. So they added a seat into this one and more traditional helicopter type controls. So there were actually some steering capabilities on this third one. So this was in 1953. The U.S. navy's Office of Naval Research essentially gave this company, Hiller Helicopters, a contract to develop one of these. It was a twin engined ducted fan vtol, which I think we all agree stands for vertical takeoff and landing Better. Yeah.
Ben
No Runway required.
Noel
No Runway required. That's the one positive thing about this device.
Christopher Haciotes
Well, also, I imagine it inspired a lot of Mega man villains. To me, it sounds like the kind of thing that's like, right out of a 1980s video game. Just like bad guys on flying platforms shooting at you.
Noel
Exactly. Unfortunately, these things were very slow, and they couldn't really figure out, like, any kind of real practical use for it in battle. There is, in fact, a video, though, I'd like to play a clip from, of one of the first flight tests of this thing. Phil, this is quite a machine you have here. I suppose you've come as close as anyone to operating a flying carpet. How. How does it feel? Well, it feels fine. And the nice thing about it is.
Christopher Haciotes
Very easy to fly. What do you think, Phil, is the.
Noel
Truly revolutionary characteristic of this machine? Well, I mentioned earlier it was so easy to fly. We do it by shifting our weight.
Christopher Haciotes
Is the way we control the aircraft.
Noel
I say by that you mean you don't have any mechanical controls as we normally think of them in an airplane, such as a stick and a rudder?
Christopher Haciotes
No, we have the throttle, which all.
Noel
Aircraft have, but we control it by shifting our weight using our feet, et cetera.
Ben
That's about all.
Noel
So, yeah, again, he even says the interviewer, like, I guess, because as close as anyone's come to flying carpet, it's all about the future, you know, it's all about magic and technology. It's great. But, yeah, they don't go very high. They seem a little. The guy keeps talking about how easy it is to fly, but it just doesn't seem like you could really get it to go forward very quickly at all or be very precise in your movements on it, you know?
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. And it seems like the kind of thing where if, as you're training people to use it, you would just break a lot of them. And I also wonder what the point of it is. I mean, if it doesn't go that high, it can't be used for reconnaissance. If it moves as you move, you probably can't use, like, a heavy rifle because then you might, you know, throw yourself off and it'll be like you're a round ship. Yeah, exactly. You could even sneeze.
Ben
Yeah.
Christopher Haciotes
And just crash.
Ben
So maybe it's more of a proof of concept, because one would imagine there. Surely there would be ways to. To mitigate those issues. Even just fixing one of those issues would make it a more worthwhile investment by a military.
Noel
That's right. And of course, they did take them out of Commission entirely by 1963. But it did offer some pretty Valuable information, research wise, for technology they would later use for more practical vertical takeoff and landing planes, which are a thing. I thought that was kind of cool.
Ben
I agree.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, it's the kind of thing that reminds me, too, of technology, you know, supposedly coming from Project Blue Book and that investigation into alien technology in Area 51. This weird flying saucer stuff, it kind of makes me think of that. And I know it's not real, but.
Ben
Oh, I wish I had done that.
Christopher Haciotes
Maybe it could be.
Ben
I was having such a tough time off the air preparing for this episode because there's an extensive list of ridiculous experiments, but also very promising, somewhat space age stuff that militaries have gotten up to in secret. And I wanted to find one of the dumbest ideas, not one that has some promise, not one that's innovative. Let's try something new. The dumbest idea, the dumbest idea that I found is the ball tank.
Christopher Haciotes
The ball tank?
Ben
The ball tank.
Noel
Tell me more.
Ben
We are a family show. It's a tank. It's been known alternately as the Kugelpanzer or the Tumbleweed tank. The thing about this is we'll start with one story. We'll start with the Tumbleweed tank. There's an inventor in Texas, his name is A.J. richardson. And in 1936, he says the First World War, which they just called the World War at that time.
Christopher Haciotes
The war, yeah.
Ben
Can you imagine calling that war the First World War? Back then? He said it was. Well, he was haunted, frankly, by the sheer mass of human suffering and carnage and death that occurred. And in his estimation, one of the reasons so many people died in World War I was because of trench warfare. People couldn't aim very well. They could just blindly throw mortars toward the enemy's trench and hope they hit someone who's a soldier rather than a civilian, rather than medical personnel and all this other stuff. So he said the best idea would be to send heavily armored motorized bunkers across that no man's land, that kill zone between the trenches. Because, again, just want to emphasize this, this will be important later. He thought the main problem was that you couldn't really see who you were firing at. And so he decided that he would invent this thing called the Tumbleweed tank. It is a sphere. It has room for three people. Each of the three people are manning one gun. I would like to show you gentlemen a picture of this design. I want you to get a look at it. Because the guns you see, the guns you see have a lot of random.
Christopher Haciotes
Placement that's just not gonna work.
Ben
There's one pointing toward the air, there's one pointing toward the ground. And then there's one just out there on the right. And the one on the right can swivel. By the way, is this sort of.
Noel
Like those cars in the newer Jurassic park movies?
Ben
I guess it is, yeah. Yeah. Cause those are two seaters.
Noel
Those are two seater.
Ben
So this one is an uncomfortable three seater. And just from that initial picture you guys saw the tumbleweed tank has some problems.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, this is the kind of thing that should just be drawn and then immediately torn up.
Ben
It should be a huge.
Noel
How is it going to roll if there's random guns poking out every which way?
Christopher Haciotes
Do they collapse?
Ben
It has a ring. It is propelled by.
Christopher Haciotes
Oh, so it only goes forward and back. It doesn't roll in like, like not even 360 degrees, but the entire spherical gyroscopic motion, it just goes straight back and forward.
Ben
Let me correct myself in the diagram. From what we understand, the actual sphere wherein the soldiers are located, that is enclosed within two rotating outer shells that are each like bowls around the thing. So it can turn a little bit. Bit in theory.
Christopher Haciotes
So it's sort of like a deadly gerbil ball kind of hamster mechanism with guns.
Ben
Yep.
Christopher Haciotes
And men.
Ben
And it had some, it had some good points. It could be very easily sealed against poison gas attacks. And Richardson also thought it would present a much smaller target for enemy shells and that they would glance off of the curved sides. But remember how we mentioned the part where his primary beef with World War I was that people were just blindly throwing.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah. You couldn't see people. So this was his way around that somehow.
Ben
So the guys sealed inside this tank, Christopher, frantically firing guns in all directions, could not see outside. They had no idea what was going on. So.
Christopher Haciotes
So it would maybe work if you could somehow catapult one of these balls into the middle of your enemy and just shoot in willy nilly directions. This just sounds like a terrible, terrible idea.
Ben
I mean imagine. Yeah, terrible is the right word. Imagine how terrifying this is for the operators. They can't see outside. How terrifying it is for the enemy. What the hell is that? Are they even aiming for us? How terrifying it is for nearby troops who are like, hey, whoa, whoa, I'm on your side.
Christopher Haciotes
The only way I could imagine this would be worse is if instead of a trap they all had to run inside to make it going. You know, like those big kind of translucent plastic balls you see on America's Funniest Home Videos or whatever.
Ben
Yeah, Zorbing that's what?
Christopher Haciotes
What?
Ben
Zorbing. Z O R B.
Christopher Haciotes
What are you saying to me?
Noel
Is that like furries?
Ben
Zorbing. Z O R B I N G.
Christopher Haciotes
So like a furby.
Ben
It's where you get inside that giant plastic ball.
Christopher Haciotes
Zorbing.
Ben
Zorbing.
Christopher Haciotes
Is that an acronym?
Noel
And then they fight. Yeah, they fight.
Ben
Yeah, yeah, they've. They've fought. I don't know if it's. I don't know if it's an acronym. I know it's. It's meant to cite the fact that you're rolling downhill in an orb.
Christopher Haciotes
So like maybe zero gravity or.
Noel
No, I think there's. I think there's proper gravity.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ben
Well, neither here.
Christopher Haciotes
Rolling ball.
Noel
I've also seen them on water.
Ben
Yes. Yeah.
Noel
You can get inside those on, on water and just roll them around.
Christopher Haciotes
Aquazorb.
Noel
Aquazorbing. But I highlight that.
Ben
But you can see through that. Those. Which I think is key here.
Christopher Haciotes
So Aquazorbing, Rotocopter, battle rocket ship. Bullet failure. Disaster, War. That's what we're talking here, right?
Ben
That's what we're talking. Oh, there's one other point. We do know that there was at least one other group of people who thought this ball tank idea was just the top notch military concept of the time. It was Germany. We know that during the, During World War II, Germany designed that Kugelpanzer, the ball tank. And we don't know what they meant to do with it. We don't know how often it was used. Clearly not that much. But we haven't found any plans or documents about it. Only one survived the war. It was captured in Manchuria in 1945. You can go see it in the Kubinka Museum's collection of German vehicles. It was apparently used by some unfortunate German. And the Germans in their part did include a small visor or a small slit so the operator could see what they were rolling.
Christopher Haciotes
Well, that's nice. That's thoughtful.
Ben
Yeah. They learned from the tumbleweed tank and.
Christopher Haciotes
That'S what they learned, is just let them look outside. It feels like there's a lot more lessons to be learned from the ball tank.
Ben
This was such a cool idea for an episode. Thank you for bringing this to us.
Christopher Haciotes
Absolutely.
Noel
Yeah. Always a pleasure to have you in the studio and kind of kick the ball tank around.
Ben
Oh, nice. I like that.
Christopher Haciotes
Speaking of kicking, if any ridiculous historians want to kick it with me over on another show this week, you guys okay if I plug something?
Ben
Oh, please, plug away.
Christopher Haciotes
So ridiculous historians. If you're Listening to this show, I know you like learning about stuff in the way back. So point your podcast machines over to this day in history class. It's one of our sister podcasts here on the HowStuff Works network. It's a daily history show. Just really quick five minute tidbits of one thing that happened that day in history. Now, normally the host is Tracy V. Wilson, who you probably know from Stuff youf Missed in History Class. She's out this week. So the week that you are listening to this in your podcast machine, I'm gonna be guest hosting over on this day in history class. So head over that way and you can find all sorts of cool, weird things that happen every single day of the year, day by day.
Ben
Awesome. Congratulations. And we are definitely going to check it out. We can also go ahead and maybe post a link to that on Ridiculous Historians.
Christopher Haciotes
Yeah, we'll share that on the Facebook page. Ridiculous Historians. We'll point you in that direction. It's a great show. I'm only on it for a week, but you should definitely take a listen. It'll be going through some cool changes in the coming year too. I think we're going to be getting a little more creative, but still a daily podcast kind of updating you just on the things you need to know about what's happened in the past and how that affects our days today.
Ben
Awesome. And thank you so much for coming on the show. This is going to be one of a number of recurring appearances.
Noel
Yeah, we're gonna make this a regular thing.
Christopher Haciotes
I'll be around.
Noel
Fantastic. Well, let's, as always, thank our super producer, Casey Pegram. I think we've already thanked Christopher enough and I'm gonna do it one more time for the full measure. Thank you, Christopher.
Christopher Haciotes
Zor. Zorb.
Noel
Zorb.
Ben
Zorb. Zorba. Are you going by Zorb now?
Christopher Haciotes
Do I have a choice?
Noel
Doesn't that sound like an alien overlord character?
Ben
There is a Zorba the Great, I think.
Noel
Zorba the Great.
Ben
Oh, wait. This works out with you, huh?
Christopher Haciotes
It does, yeah.
Noel
Thanks to you as well, Ben. Hey, thanks to you looking dapper as ever today, sir.
Ben
And thanks to Alex Williams, who composed our track. Thank you for checking out the show. We hope that you enjoyed it and we hope that this has kindled a spark of inspiration. Let us know what strange military contraptions or otherwise ridiculous inventions you have run across. We will be all ears. We would love to hear this stuff. And, you know, we're. Of course it should go without saying we're not. We're not really picking on these inventors. A lot of these ideas seem very promising, and the only way you can learn whether or not they're feasible is to test them. You know what I mean? Rocket Bullets sounds like a tremendous idea. It sounds really cool.
Christopher Haciotes
And one of my favorite bands and.
Ben
One of your favorite bands, Rocket Bullets.
Christopher Haciotes
Sure.
Noel
If they don't exist yet, they absolutely need to. So please come and hang out with us next time when we talk about flowers as currency or, you know, some sort of like, bitcoin bubble. See you then. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Hey, it's Ed Helms, host of Snafu, my podcast about history's greatest screw ups. On our new season, we're bringing you a new Snafu Every single episode.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
32 lost nuclear weapons. You're like, wait, stop. What?
Noel
Yeah, it's going to be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and a whole lot of fabulous guests. Paul Scheer, Angela and Jenna, Nick Kroll, Jordan Klepper. Listen to season four of SNAFU with Ed Helms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
The murder of an 18 year old girl in Graves County, Kentucky. He went unsolved for years until a local housewife, a journalist and a handful of girls came forward with a story.
Noel
America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
Listen to Graves county on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad free, subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.
Ben
There's a vile sickness in Apostown. You must excise it. Dig into the deep earth and cut it out. From iheart podcasts and Grim and Mild from Aaron Manke. This is Havoc Town, a new fiction podcast set in the Bridgewater audio universe, starring Jewel State and Ray Wise. Listen to Havoc town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Christopher Haciotes
Sacred Scandal is Back, the hit true crime podcast that uncovers hidden truths and shattered faith. For 19 years, Elena Sada was a nun for the Legion of Christ. This season, she's telling her story.
Noel
When I first joined the Legion of Christ, I felt chosen.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
I was 19 years old when Marcia.
Noel
Almasel, the leader of the Legionaries, looked me in the eye and told me.
Podcast Advertiser/Announcer
I had a calling.
Christopher Haciotes
Surviving meant hiding. Escaping took courage. Risking everything to tell her truth. Listen to Sacred Scandal, the Many Secrets of Martial Maciel on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Ben
This is an iHeart podcast.
Date: October 11, 2025
Hosts: Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown
Guest: Christopher Haciotes
In this classic episode, Ben and Noel—joined by their friend Christopher Haciotes—delve into military history’s most spectacularly odd and ill-conceived inventions. The theme: how the pursuit of innovation sometimes leads nations down very ridiculous paths, as illustrated by military prototypes that seem more suited to cartoons than the battlefield. The hosts apply their signature banter, poking fun while also marveling at the audacity and, occasionally, the weird sort of logic behind these failed inventions.
Presented by: Christopher Haciotes
Timestamps: [09:52]–[18:06]
Presented by: Noel Brown
Timestamps: [18:13]–[26:51]
Presented by: Ben Bowlin
Timestamps: [32:11]–[41:22]
Presented by: Christopher Haciotes
Timestamps: [41:22]–[47:12]
Presented by: Noel Brown
Timestamps: [52:11]–[56:51]
Presented by: Ben Bowlin
Timestamps: [58:03]–[64:51]
The tone is playfully skeptical, with irreverent banter and plenty of dad-joke energy. Hosts and guest balance comedy with nerdy fascination, indulging in history’s oddities while still showing respect for the wild ambition that led to these failures.
Military history is littered with ill-fated but often ingenious prototypes. These ideas were born from a mix of desperation, imagination, and that eternal capacity to overcomplicate simple problems. Some left physical remnants viewable today, others live on as cautionary tales or cult curiosities. As Ben summarizes, “We’re not really picking on these inventors…A lot of these ideas seemed very promising, and the only way you can learn whether or not they're feasible is to test them.”
Have your own nominees for ridiculous military inventions? The hosts would love to hear them.
Guest Plug:
Catch Christopher Haciotes hosting "This Day in History Class" podcast, and keep up with links on the Ridiculous Historians Facebook page! [65:10]
End of Summary