CLASSIC: The Life and Times of Ol' Knife Hand

Summary

Ridiculous History: CLASSIC – The Life and Times of Ol' Knife Hand

Host: Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown
Episode Release Date: July 19, 2025
Podcast: Ridiculous History by iHeartRadio

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Introduction

In this classic episode of Ridiculous History, hosts Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown delve into the captivating tale of Ol' Knife Hand, a figure from the Longobard era in northern Italy. The episode intertwines historical facts with engaging storytelling, uncovering the life of a man whose prosthetic limb has fascinated archaeologists and history enthusiasts alike.

Discovery of the Necropolis ([05:56] – [13:00])

The story begins in 1985 when archaeologists in the Veneto region of northern Italy discover a necropolis containing the remains of over 200 Longobard individuals. Among these findings is Ol' Knife Hand, a man distinguished by his unique prosthetic arm.

Ben: “In 1985, archaeologists made a fascinating discovery. They found a necropolis that housed the corpses of people known as the Longobards.”
Noel: “It wasn't a headless horseman, it was a headless horse. Still quite appropriate for Halloween times.”

The Longobards: Origins and Rise to Power ([06:22] – [10:36])

The Longobards, also known as the Lombards or the Longbeards, were a Germanic tribe renowned for their long beards and martial prowess. Originating from southern Scandinavia, they migrated to Italy in 568 A.D. and established dominance over the Italian Peninsula until the late 770s.

Ben: “According to Lombard historian Paul the Deacon, they descended from a small tribe that dwelt in southern Scandinavia, a tribe called the Winilli (W-I-N-N-I-L-I).”
Noel: “So, they believed it's better to maintain liberty by arms than to stain it by the payment of tribute.”

The hosts recount a legend from Paul the Deacon’s Historia Longobartarum, where divine intervention by Odin and Freya grants the Longobards victory over the Vandals, enhancing their reputation and solidifying their rule.

Ol' Knife Hand: The Archaeological Find ([13:00] – [22:49])

Ol' Knife Hand stands out among the Longobard remains due to his prosthetic arm—a blade attached to a leather cup with straps. Analysis reveals that his injury likely occurred from a single, angled blow, suggesting a violent act possibly related to combat or judicial punishment.

Noel: “He was missing an arm in a very unusual way, in that the bone... was worn down and calloused in a very particular way.”
Ben: “This guy had replaced his arm with a prosthetic blade. He had a knife hand.”

Despite the primitive medical practices of the era, Ol' Knife Hand survived his injury, indicative of the Longobards' community support and advanced herbal remedies. His worn teeth suggested he used his remaining hand and teeth to manage the straps of his prosthetic, hinting at the daily struggles he endured.

Ben: “The analysis of his teeth, the strontium levels in his teeth proved that he was not from this area. He was a stranger in a strange land at the time.”
Noel: “He lived this way for years.”

Historical Context: Longobards' Rule and Downfall ([22:49] – [32:22])

The Longobards ruled a significant portion of Italy, establishing duchies and integrating Roman culture into their governance. However, their dominance waned with the rise of formidable adversaries like the Franks, led by the legendary Charlemagne the Great.

Noel: “They eventually built incredible architecture and had a very robust system of government.”
Ben: “The Franks... were the ultimate bosses... Charlemagne the Great... ultimately led to the downfall of the Longobards.”

Despite their military prowess, internal pressures and external threats led to the decline of Longobard power. The hosts ponder the level of assimilation the Longobards achieved, questioning whether they became so intertwined with Roman traditions that they were indistinguishable from Romans.

Analyzing Ol' Knife Hand's Life ([32:22] – [35:28])

Ben and Noel explore the possibilities surrounding Ol' Knife Hand's prosthetic arm. They discuss whether the blade was used predominantly for combat or other purposes, considering the wear patterns on his remains.

Ben: “The orientation of his amputated forearm indicates that it was an angled cut by a single blow made probably from a blunt instrument.”
Noel: “If he was using it to slash and stab, wouldn't you expect more muscle development on that arm?”

The discussion highlights the uncertainty surrounding Ol' Knife Hand’s exact role in Longobard society, emphasizing the limitations of archaeological interpretation without complete records.

Concluding Thoughts ([35:28] – [38:42])

The hosts reflect on the resilience and ingenuity of individuals like Ol' Knife Hand, who overcame severe physical limitations in a time without modern medicine. They commend the community efforts that allowed him to survive and thrive despite his injury.

Noel: “This shows us that regardless of how community is portrayed in history, love conquers all.”
Ben: “You have to marvel at how tough these people were. I freak out if I have a cough for more than two weeks.”

Final Reflections

Ridiculous History's episode on Ol' Knife Hand not only uncovers a fascinating historical figure but also sheds light on the broader context of Longobard society and its interactions with neighboring tribes. Through meticulous research and engaging dialogue, Ben and Noel bring history to life, revealing the extraordinary stories beneath the surface of ancient civilizations.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• [05:56] Ben: “In 1985, archaeologists made a fascinating discovery. They found a necropolis that housed the corpses of people known as the Longobards.”
• [09:07] Noel: “It was better to maintain liberty by arms than to stain it by the payment of tribute.”
• [13:22] Noel: “That is putting it very diplomatically.”
• [22:49] Noel: “He lived this way for years.”
• [32:12] Ben: “The Franks... were the ultimate bosses... Charlemagne the Great... ultimately led to the downfall of the Longobards.”
• [35:00] Noel: “But what about slashing?”
• [37:04] Ben: “You know, I'm fine with Knife Man.”

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For more intriguing historical tales and bizarre stories from the annals of time, tune into Ridiculous History on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Ben]

Folks, it's time. You know what time it is? It's time for a classic episode of ridiculous History where we're hanging out with one of the. With. With a guy who has one of the coolest street names. We run into Old Knife Hand.

[Noel]

Oh, Knife Hand. I was thinking that we had a bit of a run of spooky themed episodes here, and I'm realizing these were all from October of 2018. I guess we used to be a little more seasonal with our episodes. We've since gone totally off the rails in that department, so. So let's hearken back to a perhaps more seasonally organized time in the world of ridiculous history. To a necropolis in what is now northern Italy that held a strange and at first glance, terrifying corpse.

[Ben]

Oh, also, I should say, you know, I just remembered we're the guys who made up the nickname Knife Hands.

[Noel]

Oh, we did. That's okay. That's his name. That's his name. He was a Lombard man and we call him Old Knife Hands. Fill in the blanks. Let's roll it.

[Paul]

This is an I heart podcast. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime on the new podcast, America's Crime Lab. Every case has a story to tell and the DNA holds the truth.

[Ben]

He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen, I was just like, ah, gotcha. This technology's already solving so many cases.

[Paul]

Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join iHeartRadio and Sarah Spain in celebrating the one year anniversary of iHeart Women's Sports with powerful interviews and insider analysis. Our shows have connected fans with the heart of women's Sports. In just one year, the network has launched 15 shows and built a community united by passion podcasts that amplify the voices of women in sports. Thank you for supporting iHeart women's sports and our founding sponsors, E L F Beauty, Capital One and Novartis. Just open the free iHeart app and search iHeart Women's Sports to listen now. I'm Bob Crawford, host of American History.

[Noel]

Hotline, a different type of podcast. You, the listener, ask the questions.

[Ben]

Did George Washington really cut down a cherry tree?

[Paul]

Were JFK and Marilyn Monroe having an affair?

[Noel]

And I find the answers.

[Ben]

I'm so glad you asked me this question.

[Paul]

This is such a ridiculous story.

[Noel]

You can listen to American History hotline on the iHeartRadio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Paul]

I knew I wanted to obey and submit, but I didn't fully grasp for the rest of my life what that meant for my heart. Podcasts and Rococo Punch. This is the Turning River Road. In the woods of Minnesota, a cult leader married himself to 10 girls and forced them into a secret life of abuse. But in 2014, the youngest escaped. Listen to the Turning river road on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ben]

Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartradio. Knife Man. Welcome to the show Ridiculous Historians. I'm Ben.

[Noel]

How am I supposed to say my name when it's not nearly as cool as Knife Man?

[Ben]

I mean, it's his name. I know, but his real name is probably something like Giovanni.

[Noel]

Yeah, it's probably true. I'm Noel the ordinary Brown.

[Ben]

We are joined with our guest super producer. Give him a big hand. He's got his own sound cue. Super producer Paul Decker. Second, no Love Lost with super producer Casey Pegram, who will return to his regular American life.

[Noel]

Wait, no love lost? You mean they're bitter enemies? Isn't that what no love lost means?

[Ben]

You know, I'm using it in this case to say that we don't love Casey any less. We have not lost love for him.

[Noel]

I think that's how it always occurred to me. As it should be said. But I've always understood it to mean some kind of enmity towards a foe.

[Ben]

Like there's no love lost between them.

[Noel]

Exactly.

[Ben]

Well, let's.

[Noel]

Because there was never any to begin with.

[Ben]

Right. Well, let's. Let's take it back. Let's make it something positive. The way the Ghostbusters charged that goo in Ghostbusters 2 and made it a positive thing. Do you remember that?

[Noel]

That's a science joke. Ben.

[Ben]

Is that a science joke?

[Paul]

They charged it.

[Noel]

You mean like. They charged it, like, because they. It's an ion or something. Right. Isn't that an ionic?

[Ben]

Positively charged it. Yeah. Well, as you can tell from our intro, it's Friday, it's been a long.

[Noel]

Week, and today's episode is about Ghostbusters.

[Ben]

No, it touches on something spooky. Yeah, there's that.

[Noel]

We are still in the throes of Halloween month.

[Ben]

Yes, yes. The most hallowed of weens.

[Noel]

And weirdly enough, the band Ween is doing a double engagement at our famous Tabernacle Theater tonight and tomorrow night. Oh, so it's all come full ween.

[Ben]

It's all happening. It's all happening. Well, you like ween Yeah, I like Ween. I would say I'm a Ween.

[Noel]

Me too.

[Ben]

Today's episode. That's our slow, circuitous route toward today's episode. Today's episode does not, as far as we know, involve the band Ween, but it does involve something grim, grisly, and we'll say it Badass.

[Noel]

It does strike me as the kind of thing that Ween might write a song about because they're all about weird stuff and badass stuff and like, kind of psychedelic, trippy stuff. And I feel like this falls into all of those casts.

[Ben]

It does. And it takes us to our. Our story begins long, long ago. But let's start in the middle of the story. In 1980s Italy, in a region of northern Italy called Veneto, in 1985, archaeologists made a fascinating discovery. They found a necropolis that housed the corpses of people known as the Longobards.

[Noel]

The Longobards, also, it took me a minute to realize these were one and the same. Known as the Lomb, or the Longbeards.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Noel]

It kind of mutated over time because these warring Germanic tribesmen who held sway over a lot of Europe for a lot longer than you would expect, which is, I know, very vague. Maybe, Ben, you can plug in some specific numbers in a minute. But they wore quite long beards.

[Ben]

Yes. And they were nothing to sneeze at. These, these Germanic people. According to Lombard historian Paul the Deacon, they descended from a small tribe that dwelt in southern Scandinavia, a tribe called the Winilli W I N N I L I. And from this relatively humble beginning, they would rise to eventually rule most of the Italian Peninsula from 568 A.D. to the late 770s, like 774, 75 A.D. and that this. This is the environment in which our story takes place. Noel, as you said, they were known for being warlike.

[Noel]

Ben, did you hear that story that Paul the Deacon wrote about how the Longbeards. A nice apocryphal tale of how the Longbeards may have had some divine intervention in getting that name.

[Ben]

Oh, it's great.

[Noel]

Yeah, it's super cool. So if you've played the new God of war game, I guess it's not that new anymore, but apparently if you get the update, it lets you, like, replay the entire game using all of your arm or unless you, like, start over again, just FYI. Really cool game, beautiful game, but features Odin and Freya and a lot of this pantheon of Norse gods that these folks worship. I'll tell you who else worshiped them. Was the Winillys kind of rivals who were the Vandals. And they were in a conflict together because the Winillies refused to pay tribute to the leaders of the Vandals.

[Ben]

And I have a great quote here. The Winilly were a smaller tribe too in terms of numbers.

[Noel]

Yeah. The Vandals had them outnumbered and out knived or whatever.

[Ben]

Right. Which, which is a nice, a nice bit of foreshadowing there. So the Winnilly said it is better to maintain liberty by arms than to stain it by the payment of tribute. They thought it would be shameful to pay these people off.

[Noel]

Yeah.

[Ben]

And they said, you know what, if we go down, we're going to go down swinging and we're going to ask our God for help. Godin, who we know as Odin today.

[Noel]

Oh, Godin.

[Ben]

G O D A N. I never.

[Noel]

Heard it said that before. That's interesting. So, yeah. So the Vandals and the Winilly both appealed to Odin and said, hey, we would like it very much if you would grant us a victory. To which Odin replied he would give a victory to the tribe he first saw at sunrise. And then apparently the mother of the two Winilly leaders, whose names were Eibor and IO, went to Freya, who was Odin's wife.

[Ben]

The mother's Gambara.

[Noel]

Exactly. Yeah, Gambara. And Freya told Gambara that the women of the tribe should take their hair and tie it in front of their faces so they looked like beards, and then appear at sunrise so that they.

[Ben]

Seem to have more numbers than they do more soldiers at least. And then Freyja also according to this story, loads the dice a little bit because she turns Odin's bed to face east at sunrise and she wakes him. And because of this, Odin sees the Winnili tribe first and said, who are these Longbeards?

[Noel]

And then according to this article from About History.com, freya responded, well, since you've given their tribe a name, you should also give them a victory. And that he did. You know, if you'd like to believe.

[Ben]

This legend, I like to believe this one. It's an inspiring story. We should also note that Paul the Deacon wrote his history of the Longbeards, the Historia Longobartarum, which is fun to say. Of course, he wrote this between late 780 AD, so 787. 788 and 796. So he wrote this far, far after the events had transpired.

[Noel]

That's right. And I just want to back up what you said. A minute ago, Ben, these women with the beards tied in front of their faces were added to the ranks of the men who already sported these long, bushy beards that they did not want to cut. So it would make them appear to have greater numbers. And I don't know, I don't know what Freya's logic was here. I can't get inside the head of a God.

[Ben]

It's to be more intimidating. And also, you know, I love, I love the moments in mythology and folklore where someone plays a trick where cleverness becomes as important as physical strength. Like turning the bed east.

[Noel]

Yeah, but it's also like there's a lot of what one might consider cheating in some of these stories. Oh, sure, you know, or like being dishonest, but sometimes that's just having gumption, tenacity and, you know, like you said, loading the dice a little bit in a. In a clever way.

[Ben]

And that's all, you know, that's classic Longobart. So these are long beards, if you prefer. That might be more fun for some of us. So this is how the tribe started and they expanded, possibly with the help of divine intervention. And as we said, they go on to, for a not insignificant amount of time, rule a large swath of Italy. And in 1985, we're going to jump around in time a little bit here for the sake of the story. In 1985, archeologists discover a necropolis for the Longo Bard people that has over 200 corpses buried inside. 222. And in these different areas of the necropolis, they find some strange, weird things. They found one female corpse with two brooches that were used to estimate the time roughly when these people were interred. They also found two greyhounds and a horse, but they did not find the head of the horse.

[Noel]

Yeah, it wasn't a headless horseman, it was a headless horse. Still quite appropriate for Halloween times.

[Ben]

And that's just the beginning because as we learned in the paper entitled Survival to Amputation in Pre Antibiotic Era, a case study from a Longobard necropolis, courtesy of Journal of Anthropological Sciences. This necropolis contained one corpse. That was extraordinary.

[Noel]

Yeah, in a lot of ways.

[Ben]

Yes, in many ways. They found a man who was between 40 and 50 years old. They pegged it at 47 in the paper. And his body, even hundreds of years later, showed signs of extreme hardship.

[Noel]

That is putting it very diplomatically.

[Ben]

Yeah, signs of extreme hardship and privation. His teeth were all kinds of messed up. The enamel was extremely worn down. To the point where it was damaging his jaw. He had evidence of plenty of fighting, but most importantly for this story, archaeologists focused on something that he did not have, which was a part of his right arm.

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[Ben]

A foot washed up, a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable.

[Paul]

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[Noel]

He never thought he was going to get caught.

[Ben]

And I just looked at the my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha.

[Paul]

On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors and you'll meet the team behind the scenes at othram, the Houston lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Kelly Harnett spent over a decade in prison for a murder she says she didn't commit.

[Ben]

I'm 100% innocent.

[Paul]

While behind bars, she learned the law from scratch.

[Ben]

He goes, oh God.

[Paul]

Harnett jailhouse lawyer. And as she fought for herself, she also became a lifeline for the women locked up alongside her. You're supposed to have your faith in God, but I had nothing but faith in her. So many of these women had lived the same stories.

[Ben]

I said, were you a victim of domestic violence?

[Paul]

And she was like, yeah, but maybe Kelly could change the ending.

[Ben]

I said, how many people have gotten other incarcerated individuals out of here? I'm going to be the first one to do that.

[Paul]

This is the story of Kelly Harnett, a woman who spent 12 years fighting not just for her own freedom, but her girlfriend's, too. I think I have a mission from.

[Ben]

God to save souls by getting people out of prison.

[Paul]

The girlfriends, jailhouse lawyer. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ben]

Hello, I'm John Lithgow.

[Paul]

We choose to go to the moon.

[Ben]

I want to tell you about my new fiction podcast, that's One Small Step for Man. It's about Buzz Aldrin, one of the true pioneers of space. You're a great pilot, Buzz.

[Noel]

As far as I'm concerned, the best I've seen.

[Ben]

That's the story you think you know. This is the story you don't predisposition.

[Paul]

To depression, alcohol abuse, and suicide.

[Ben]

We'll see Buzz try to overcome demons. What do you say, Buzz? Another beer and triumph over addiction.

[Paul]

Here's to you, Buzz Aldrin.

[Ben]

Good luck to you and become a true hero.

[Paul]

Buzz and I will proceed into the.

[Ben]

Lunar module not because he conquers space, but because he conquers himself.

[Noel]

Buzz, we intercepted a Soviet radio transmission.

[Ben]

Starring me, John Lithgow.

[Noel]

Can you put it through?

[Ben]

Can you Translate on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts?

[Noel]

Columbia. Not only was he missing an arm, he. He was missing an arm in a very unusual way, in that the bone. The nub of the bone where the arm had been amputated was worn down and calloused in a very particular way that was caused by something else they found in this grave.

[Ben]

That's right. They literally buried the lead long enough. Let's just let it out in the open. This guy had replaced his arm with a prosthetic blade. He had a knife hand.

[Noel]

A knife hand? Yeah. And the way it was attached was with, like, a kind of a cup that would attach over the nub, and then the blade was fashioned onto the cup. I guess it was like a leather cup of some kind. And then there were straps, harnesses that would fasten it on. And you remember you mentioned a minute ago, Ben, that he had some significant wear and tear to his teeth. One of the ideas is that it was because he was constantly Using his teeth to tighten the straps on the knife arm.

[Ben]

Yeah. As he was going through and dealing ungodly amounts of damage to his enemies. You can, in the paper, see close up photographs of the fellow's teeth. We don't know a ton of details about this man. His name is lost to history. We don't know necessarily what he did in his free time, what his dreams were, did he have children and so on. But we do know a ton of things based entirely on the state of his body. We know, for instance, that the orientation of his amputated forearm, the orientation of the fracture that occurred, indicates that it was an angled cut by a single blow made probably from a blunt instrument. And this amputation was the result of one of three things. An amputation through injury in combat, which has its own fascinating rabbit hole to follow a medical intervention. Maybe he had a wound and it.

[Noel]

Got infected, or some sort of judicial punishment is how they put it in the paper, I believe.

[Ben]

Yes, exactly. So he either got in a beef, got sick, or broke the law.

[Noel]

I'm no, you know, forensics guy or anything, but it does seem like the cleanness of the cut would indicate that he was, you know, had it positioned in such a way to receive the blow. Right. Like on some sort of, like, hard surface or maybe held down or, you know, something. It doesn't seem like it would be that clean if he just got a giant ax swung at him in battle and got the arm lobbed off.

[Ben]

Right. And there's a. So there's an interesting thing I been reading about for something unrelated to this show that ties in very well. And it's the problem of fighting on a battlefield in these ancient days. You know, we see all these depictions in fiction and in historical accounts of groups of people just yelling and running at each other until they collide in blood, sweat, and violence. But is it possible? This is the question I was looking at. Is it possible that some people just faked their death? It just, like, laid down and waited for the fighting to stop? The answer is yes. And that's why soldiers from either side would go through after a conflict to make sure the dead were dead.

[Noel]

You've seen that in movies. They just go around just stabbing the piles of bodies, you know, and in.

[Ben]

Some cases, it was considered an act of mercy rather than an act of malevolence. Because think about it. This is a time with no antibiotics, that this is a time where medicine is often administrated through a spiritual leader. Right. Rather than some sort of doctor. And additionally, this is the biggest point for the idea that this guy may have been injured in battle. Additionally, every time that someone is attempting to recover from an injury, especially one of this magnitude, that means that a community of other people has to take care of them.

[Noel]

Wait a minute, so you're saying the takeaway from this weird knife armed dude is that like people in his lifetime.

[Ben]

Were nice to him at least, because he also the. The analysis of his teeth, the strontium levels in his teeth proved that he was not from this area. He was a stranger in a strange land at the time.

[Noel]

And don't you think that 40 or 50 years old is a pretty decent lifetime in this day and age?

[Ben]

And as you said, from the callus, from the calluses and the wear on the amputated limb, we know that this happened a long time before he died. He lived this way for years.

[Noel]

Yeah. And I don't think we can stress enough how important it is to think about the idea that they had no antibiotics and no real way to intervene and stop the blood flow other than just to like rub it with some sort of poultice or like, you know, physically bind it and keep an eye on the guy and make sure that he stayed clean. Otherwise he would have just gone septic and kicked it in no time.

[Ben]

Yeah, absolutely. In the paper they say, quote, the longo barred male survived the loss of a forearm even though antibiotics were not readily available. This highlights a community level effort to provide an ideal setting for healing to take place. This suggests a clean environment with intensive care during the early stages of healing, with the ability to prevent death from blood loss. And specific herbal balms were available to the longobard people for this purpose. And they go back and forth arguing the different cases that this could have been combat and then he was saved by his community, or that it was a judicial punishment where they said, okay, maybe you have stolen something, so now you lose your hand, but we don't want to kill you.

[Noel]

But if that was the case, why would they go out of their way to keep him from bleeding out?

[Ben]

That's the mystery. Right? And I am tempted to place this injury in the realm of combat or traumatic accident because as we mentioned, the Longobards invaded in 568 AD, right? And that's when they began to take over Italy. And it looks like this death, this guy was interred in this necropolis not too long after. So he was definitely alive and kicking and maybe even had both of his hands during the invasion. It's quite possible that they took care of him because he was helping with this takeover, with this regional takeover. By the way, if you're wondering why the Winili became the Longo bards and moved down south like this, the current best guess is it was to seek better resources because they had overpopulated their native land.

[Noel]

And lest we paint a picture of these, these Lombards as being entirely like barbaric or some kind of like completely unhinged warring, you know, psychotic Hun like force, I mean, they eventually, when they kind of settled, they. They built a bunch of incredible architecture, they became dukes and had a very, very robust system of government and created these territories called duchies. And that's a term that was used.

[Ben]

Moving forward, I believe, Ben, that is true, Noel. The term duchy did stick around. The kingdom of the Lombards, also known as the kingdom of Italy at the time, was established, as you said, in the later part of the sixth century. And they knew that this kind of game was going by king of the hill rules. Not the cartoon, but the actual game. What I mean is they knew that there would be people trying to oust them from their new kingdom. One of the groups that vehemently opposed them was the Byzantine Empire.

[Noel]

Yeah, you had them. You had the Celts. The Celts, Celts, Celts, the Celts. There we go, the Celts. That's the worst, the worst one. Then you had the Visigoths, or as I like to refer to them as just the Goths. You know, it's. And then you had the Franks.

[Ben]

And they were the, they were the big bads. They were the ultimate bosses.

[Noel]

Who. The Franks.

[Ben]

They're the ones who conquered the kingdom. Right?

[Noel]

It's true. And yeah, the Franks. Ben, I don't know if you've heard of this little guy named Charlemagne the Great. You don't get the name the Great unless you're pretty badass.

[Ben]

I'm skeptical of hype.

[Noel]

That's fair. But he was like the big boss, like you said, he was the big bad. And he is the dude that ultimately led to the downfall of the Longbeards.

[Ben]

Yeah, he. Even after the Franks conquered most of the kingdom, he even adopted the title King of the Lombards. And the one city they never managed to gain control of was Benevento, the most southern of the Lombard duchies.

[Paul]

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[Ben]

A foot washed up. A shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable.

[Paul]

These are the coldest of cold cases. But everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA using new scientific tools. They're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it.

[Noel]

He never thought he was going to get caught.

[Ben]

And I just looked at my computer screen, I was just like, ah, gotcha.

[Paul]

On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors. And you'll meet the team behind the scenes at othram, the Houston lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Kelly Harnett spent over a decade in prison for a murder she says she didn't commit.

[Ben]

I'm 100% innocent.

[Paul]

While behind bars, she learned the law from scratch.

[Ben]

He goes, oh, God. Harnett, jailhouse lawyer.

[Paul]

And as she fought for herself, she also became a lifeline for the women locked up alongside her. You're supposed to have your faith in God, but I had nothing but faith in her. So many of the these women had lived the same stories.

[Ben]

I said, were you a victim of domestic violence?

[Paul]

And she was like, yeah, but maybe Kelly could change the ending.

[Ben]

I said, how many people have gotten other incarcerated individuals out of here? I'm going to be the first one to do that.

[Paul]

This is the story of Kelly Harnett, a woman who spent 12 years fighting not just just for her own freedom, but her girlfriend's too. I think I have a mission from.

[Ben]

God to save souls by getting people out of prison.

[Paul]

The girlfriends jailhouse lawyer. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ben]

Hello, I'm John Lithgow.

[Paul]

We choose to go to the moon.

[Ben]

I want to tell you about my new fiction podcast.

[Noel]

That's one small step for man.

[Ben]

It's about Buzz Aldrin, one of the true pioneers of space. You're a great pilot, Buzz.

[Noel]

As far as I'm concerned, the best I've seen.

[Ben]

That's the story you think you know. This is the story you don't predisposition.

[Paul]

To depression, alcohol abuse and suicide.

[Ben]

We'll see. Buzz, try to overcome demons. What do you say, Buzz?

[Paul]

Another beer.

[Ben]

And triumph over addiction.

[Paul]

Here's to you, Buzz Aldrin.

[Ben]

Good luck to you and become a true hero.

[Paul]

Buzz and I will proceed into the.

[Ben]

Lunar module not because he conquers space, but because he conquers himself.

[Noel]

Buzz, we intercepted a Soviet radio transmission.

[Ben]

Starring me, John Lithgow.

[Noel]

Can you put it through?

[Ben]

Can you Translate on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts? Columbia. So at the time, at the time that this entire empire rose and finally fell, the kingdom of the Lombards was the last holdout, the last minor Germanic kingdom in Europe other than the Frankish empire. And we should mention, too, there's a good question of how Lombard these people were, or at least their rulers by the time they fell, because over the more than 100 years that they governed this area of the world, they gradually assimilated to Roman culture. They would get Roman titles, they would start naming their kids Roman names, they would start practicing Roman traditions. So at what level did their assimilation just make them Romans who historically were Lombards? You know what I mean?

[Noel]

Exactly.

[Ben]

But no one was at that level of PC at this time, of course. They were like die longbeards. And they almost got our guy knifeman.

[Noel]

He would have been a beast on the battlefield.

[Ben]

Can you imagine? There's some great details in here about. Well, they still are speculating about how his injury occurred, but there are some great details about his life after the injury. As we said, the teeth on the side of his mouth that he used to tighten the strap were terrible. We cannot overemphasize this. They were terribly worn down. Like, the pulp was out of his teeth. Someone had to extract some of his teeth so he could eat.

[Noel]

Yeah, I think he actually, like, had some sort of serious infection because he ruptured the pulp sac, which is a thing apparently in one of his teeth, and that could have been fatal. This Guy really dodged some serious bullets.

[Ben]

Yeah, he won a brutal lottery for sure. We also know that he didn't. Okay, here's the question that I immediately had at least, and I don't know if you've had it as well, ridiculous historians. Did he survive long enough to use his blade arm in battle?

[Noel]

Well, one would think.

[Ben]

One would imagine.

[Noel]

Well, here's the thing, though. The speculation is like, he may have even used this to, like, eat, but I don't buy that. Why not have a fork arm if you're going to use it to eat? I mean, a blade arm is clearly designed to slice others.

[Ben]

And we know from the level of metalworking that was available at the time that they could make something with tines or. Yeah, they could make something that wasn't just a blade arm. They chose blade arm. And I'm not being completely prejudiced here, but I'm saying that choice implies some things.

[Noel]

Yeah, there's intention there.

[Ben]

What's the implication?

[Noel]

It's like Ash in the Evil Dead. He made himself a chainsaw arm, right? You know, with which to slice demons, the undead. I mean, he didn't make himself, you know, some other non lethal type of arm, like a mannequin hand or.

[Ben]

Or like a flagpole arm.

[Noel]

A flag pole arm. Yeah.

[Ben]

You know, he didn't make anything like that.

[Noel]

He wasn't going to be a crossing guard, he was going to be a Demon Slayer.

[Ben]

And we know that with Knife man, it appears that he did not. Whatever he did with this blade arm, it appears that he didn't lift heavy weights with it. But surprise, surprise, that would be kind of difficult anyway just to keep the prosthetic on.

[Noel]

Are you saying that his arm was slightly, like, atrophied or something?

[Ben]

No, we're saying that we can tell from the strain. Obviously, his left hand, the one he still has, is going to be the new dominant hand. Right.

[Noel]

So it wasn't like as evenly distributed between the two.

[Ben]

Right. So we can tell that he wasn't attempting to or did not successfully, for long periods of time, lift heavy things.

[Noel]

But what about slashing?

[Ben]

Slashing's totally different because that's more of an impact. Right. Than a strain.

[Noel]

Oh, I guess that's true.

[Ben]

So we would have to ask ourselves. They don't really address it in the paper, but we'd have to ask ourselves whether there's some sort of research we can do that would let us know whether he used it in combat.

[Noel]

You don't think if he did enough slashing and stabbing that he wouldn't Have a big muscle on that arm, Right?

[Ben]

Wouldn't you imagine? I would think so, yeah. But then also, you know, we have to remember a lot of the stuff we're. A lot of stuff we're discovering with the prosthetic is based on guesswork because a lot of the leather has already decayed. This guy's been in the ground for a long time. I wish we knew his name.

[Noel]

You know, I'm fine with Knife Man.

[Ben]

You're fine with Knife Man?

[Noel]

He could be a boss in the Mega man games.

[Ben]

He. He could. That's a good call. He probably also, knowing the way that nicknames and stuff worked at that time, he probably also had a name that was something like that. It was something like, you know, gilbert Knife Hand or Gilbert of the Knife.

[Noel]

Mack the Knife.

[Ben]

Yeah, similar. Similar, Right. Although Mack the Knife did not have a knife for a hand.

[Noel]

You don't know that.

[Ben]

Pretty.

[Noel]

Pretty sure it's not in the song.

[Ben]

It's not in the song. Which they probably would have mentioned that. Right?

[Noel]

You'd think.

[Ben]

You'd think. But this is our spooky tale for the week and somewhat inspiring because as we said at the beginning, it shows us that regardless of how community might be portrayed in history, love conquers all. Love conquers all. It certainly heals wounds.

[Noel]

That's time.

[Ben]

That was probably a combination of both time and love. And you have to. You have to marvel sometimes at just how. How tough these people were. You know what I mean? Like, I freak out if I have a cough for more than two weeks.

[Noel]

So do you have any prosthetic limbs that are lethal weapons of any kind? Write in, let us know, send us pics. We're interested.

[Ben]

Oh, I thought you were asking me.

[Noel]

No, I know, I know you don't have any.

[Ben]

All right, man, wait a minute. Let's keep moving. Yes. How can you find us? You can. We're so glad you asked. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. We'd like to give a special shout out to everybody's favorite community page on the old FB that is ridiculous historians, where you can shoot the breeze, see some pretty top tier memes, and give us suggestions for episodes you would like to hear in the future. As always, thanks to our super producers, especially to you, super producer Paul, for filling in today.

[Noel]

Yeah. Thanks to Alex Williams, who composed this theme. Thanks to the one and only, it replaced yet occasionally replaceable super producer Casey Pegram. Here in spirit, thanks to our research peeps Eve's Jeffcoat and Christopher Haciotes, who we love dearly. We just love those folks. They're the best.

[Ben]

He's a great guy, you know. He's a very talented food critic as well.

[Noel]

I do know that. And Eaves is also on a show called AfroPunk Solutions Sessions and a show called Stuff Mom Never Told. You'd. You should check those out.

[Ben]

Check them both out. We'd love to have Eaves on the show once. One day soon too.

[Noel]

Definitely.

[Ben]

So spoiler alert with that. And you know what, Noel, thanks to Knifeman for making it through the tough days and giving us an inspiring story. And thanks to you Just knifing around.

[Noel]

For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Paul]

Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime on the new podcast America's Crime Lab. Every case has a story to tell and the DNA holds the truth.

[Ben]

He never thought he was going to get caught and I just looked at my computer screen, I was just like, ah, gotcha. This technology's already solving so many cases.

[Paul]

Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join iHeartRadio and Sarah Spain in celebrating the one year anniversary of iHeart Women's Sports with powerful interviews and insider analysis. Our shows have connected fans with the heart of women's Sports. In just one year, the network has launched 15 shows and built a community united by passion podcasts that amplify the voices of women in sports. Thank you, thank you for supporting iHeart women's sports and our founding sponsors E L F Beauty, Capital One and Novartis. Just open the free iHeart app and search iHeart Women's Sports to listen now. I'm Bob Crawford, host of American History.

[Noel]

Hotline, a different type of podcast. You, the listener, ask the questions.

[Ben]

Did George Washington really cut down a cherry tree?

[Paul]

Were JFK and Marilyn Monroe having an affair?

[Noel]

And I find the answers.

[Ben]

I'm so glad you asked me this.

[Paul]

This is such a ridiculous story.

[Noel]

You can listen to American History Hotline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Ian Pfaff, the creator and host.

[Ben]

Of the Uncle Chris podcast.

[Paul]

My Uncle Chris was a real character.

[Noel]

A garbage truck driver from South Carolina.

[Paul]

Who is now buried in Panama City.

[Ben]

Alongside the founding families of Panama.

[Paul]

He also happens to be responsible for the craziest night of my life. Wild stories about adventure, romance, crime, history and war intertwine as I share the.

[Ben]

Tall tales and hard truths that have.

[Paul]

Helped me understand Uncle Chris. Listen now to Uncle Chris on Will.

[Noel]

Ferrell's Big Money Players Network, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Paul]

This is an iHeart podcast.