Ridiculous History: Seven Wonders of the Ancient World – The Temple of Artemis

Podcast: Ridiculous History (iHeartPodcasts)
Hosts: Ben Bowlin, Noel Brown, Max Williams
Date: October 30, 2025

Episode Overview

In this latest installment of their Seven Wonders of the Ancient World series, Ben, Noel, and super-producer Max take listeners on a lively, irreverent journey through the storied and often ridiculous history of the Temple of Artemis, also known as the Artemision. As always, they blend deep historical research with trademark banter, weaving in ancient politics, mythology, architectural feats, bizarre catastrophes, and even a dose of Civilization video game strategy—because, as they say, history is both beautiful and ridiculous.

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Who Was Artemis? Context & Influence

• Artemis: Greek goddess of the hunt, wild animals, vegetation, chastity and paradoxically, childbirth.
  • “She’s like a problematic Captain Planet.” — Ben (09:07)
• Roman adaptation as Diana, noting the Romans’ well-known tendency to "plagiarize" Greek culture.
• Artemis as a “fan favorite” among rural Greeks—a goddess with broad and sometimes contradictory domains.

2. Location & Importance of the Temple

• Situated in Ephesus (modern Turkey), the temple was not just a religious site but a civic centerpiece.
  • “It’s seen as this testament to humanity’s ‘hold my beer’ approach to making unnecessarily amazing things.” — Ben (05:00)
• Early Ephesus: Hotbed of political intrigue, alliances, and suzerainty (subservient autonomy under bigger powers).
  • Ben and Noel riff on the difference between “suzerainty” and true sovereignty, with modern analogies. (12:42–13:56)

3. Legendary Origins: Amazons and Multiple Temples

• Ancient Greeks attributed the worship of Artemis in Ephesus to the legendary Amazons—“not Jeff Bezos.”
• Archeology revealed three layers of temples built atop each other, reminiscent of the Monty Python line (“burned down, fell over, and sank into the swamp”).
  • “Not only it burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. So we have two previous temples that for reasons didn’t make it. And then this wonder of the ancient world was built on top of those.” — Noel (20:04)

4. Architectural Marvels & Ancient Flexes

• The wonder temple (built ca. 550 BCE) was renowned for its immense size—over 100 Ionic columns, each 60 feet tall.
  • “You like columns? You like Ionic columns? Well, we got you. We got so many columns.” — Ben (23:01)
• Innovative structure and lavish ornamentation made it a “show-stopping stunner” and set standards even for later Roman architecture.

5. A Cycle of Destruction and Reconstruction

• First Temple: Destroyed by a flood (7th century BCE), causing foundation instability.
  • “The subsequent flooding led to further silt deposits which gradually elevated the site by about 2 meters and caused it to become structurally unsound.” — Noel (26:23)
• Second Temple: Rebuilt grander (ca. 550 BCE); destroyed by arson in 356 BCE, allegedly by Herostratus—a man who sought fame through infamy.
  • “He wanted to go down in history as the dude who set one of the world’s greatest temples on fire.” — Ben (34:06)
  • But: Modern historians suggest this could be a cover-up for mismanagement or even possible insurance fraud by temple officials.
• Third Temple: Rebuilt (from 355–330 BCE) “bigger, bolder,” but partially destroyed in 267 CE during a Gothic raid; lapsed into ruin after the rise of Christianity in the region.

6. The Fate of the Temple and Historical Legacy

• After repeated disasters and the shift to Christianity, the temple was ultimately abandoned, repurposed, and erased.
  • “They’re not super concerned about preserving historical works at this point.” — Ben (39:55)
• No substantial remains of any version have survived.

7. Wonders in Civilization (the Game)

• Max Williams briefs the group on the Temple of Artemis’s status as a “wonder” in Sid Meier’s Civilization games.
  • “In Civ 6, it is probably one of the most overpowered wonders in the game because you can get it very early on.” — Max (41:05)
  • “If you have the right setup, it’ll turn your country into the happiest little country of all time.” — Max (41:57)
• Earlier titles: not present, or “meh.” In Civ 6: coveted S-tier status with the right city planning.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Artemis’s Role:
  • “She is the daughter of Zeus and Leto, not Jared. And she is the twin sister of Apollo, the god, not your dog.” — Ben (07:40)
• On the Temple’s Endurance:
  • “The rumors about the temple sinking into the swamp are malarkey. Come see Temple 2.” — Ben, adopting infomercial voice (32:33)
• On Historical Blame Games:
  • “They point out that it would have been incredibly difficult for him [Herostratus] to access the framing… They decided to hang it on this poor fellow.” — Noel (34:50)
• On Repurposing the Past:
  • “If anything, they’re more interested in bulldozing over them or at the very least, repurposing them in their own image.” — Noel (39:46)
• Monty Python Reference:
  • “Not only it burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp…” — direct homage to classic British comedy (20:04)

Fun & Memorable Bits

• Joking about architectural one-upmanship: “Got columns? We got columns!” (23:01)
• Explaining “suzerainty” via modern countries (13:56)
• Video game digressions: Elder Scrolls’ Daedra, Civilization strategy (10:04, 40:13)
• Multiple callbacks to Monty Python’s “swamp castle” line (19:49–20:04)
• Running riff: the “plagiarism of the Romans” (18:32, 38:26)

Timeline of Key Sections (Timestamps)

• 00:26 – Beginning of Artemis series episode, table-setting
• 04:45 – Introduction to Artemis’ mythology and ancient context
• 11:26 – History of Ephesus; political power-plays and suzerainty explained
• 19:08 – Amazons and the earliest temples
• 23:01 – Architectural marvels and comic “pitch”
• 25:33 – What happened to the previous temples?
• 31:41 – The big rebuild (Temple v2.0); more columns, more marble
• 33:25 – Temple destroyed by arson; Herostratus and possible cover-up
• 36:33 – Temple v3.0, Gothic sack, and the end of the wonder
• 39:46 – Christianity’s rise; temple falls to neglect and repurposing
• 40:13 – Civilization game digression: Is the Temple of Artemis worth building?
• 41:45 – Final takes, ratings — “meh” in early Civ games, “S-tier” in Civ 6

Tone & Style

As always, Ben and Noel deliver a mix of pop culture references, historical rigor, and playful skepticism. Their rapport creates a casual, comedic atmosphere that makes even ancient history accessible and fun:

“You can get away with dodging any social situation by saying, ‘I’m sorry, I… I can’t make it. I have become strange.’” — Ben (20:22)

They balance jokes (“bit of a head meeting a butt”) with digestible explanations, never missing a chance to poke fun at bureaucracy (ancient or modern) or the “hold my beer” attitude behind the world’s greatest wonders.

Takeaways

• The Temple’s Story is one of ambition, disaster, resilience, and ultimately, obsolescence—mirroring many grand human projects.
• Artemis—a complex figure—reflects the multiplicity and humor of ancient faith and culture.
• History Repeats: What people claim as disasters or accidents may sometimes conceal deeper motives (insurance fraud, scapegoating).
• Lasting Cultural Impact: Ancient wonders still shape pop culture and gaming, proving their creative and symbolic power endures—even if their columns are no longer standing.

For fans of history, mythology, and lively comedic commentary, this episode offers an engaging, accessible window into one of the grandest (and weirdest) construction projects in antiquity.