Some of History's Funniest Honorifics, Part One: The Babymaker, the Debauchee, and More

Summary

Ridiculous History - Episode Summary: "Some of History's Funniest Honorifics, Part One: The Babymaker, the Debauchee, and More"

Release Date: January 28, 2025 | Host: Ben Bullen and Noel Brown | Producer: Max Williams

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Introduction to Honorifics

In this episode of Ridiculous History, hosts Ben Bullen and Noel Brown delve into the quirky and often humorous world of historical honorifics. Honorifics, much like nicknames, are titles bestowed upon individuals, often reflecting their personalities, actions, or reputations. The hosts explore how these titles can range from complimentary to downright insulting, shedding light on some of history's most amusing and peculiar examples.

“Nicknames are what we call little sobriquets assigned by your contemporaries. Honorifics can occur across history, and that's why there are a lot of emperors or rulers of old who get their honorific posthumously.” - Ben Bullen [07:17]

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William III: The Debauchee

The first historical figure featured is William III of the Netherlands, affectionately mocked by the New York Times as "the Debauchee." Born on February 19, 1817, in Brussels, William III ruled from 1849 until his death in 1890. His reign was characterized by staunch conservatism, opposition to constitutional reforms, and a notorious personal life marked by numerous extramarital affairs.

Despite being married twice—first to his cousin Sophie, with whom he had three sons who tragically died young, and then to Emma of Waldeck Pyrmont, who bore his only surviving legitimate heir, Wilhelmina—William III earned his less-than-flattering honorific due to his prolific illegitimate offspring and carefree romantic pursuits.

“The New York Times says to the world at large... William III is the greatest debaucher.” - Noel Brown [18:22]

The hosts highlight William III’s political maneuvers, including his unsuccessful attempt to sell Luxembourg to France, which angered Prussia and led to international tensions. His personal scandals overshadowed his political achievements, earning him a reputation that history books continue to scrutinize.

“Sometimes they're a compliment, Peter the Great. Sometimes they're an insult. One of my personal favorites, just been here talking Ethelred the Unready is just such a walk for that one.” - Ben Bullen [06:30]

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Henry IV of Castile: The Impotent

Next, the podcast shifts focus to Henry IV of Castile, a monarch whose reign was marred by political instability and personal inadequacies. Known historically as "Henry the Impotent," this honorific underscores his struggles with infertility and the resulting dynastic crises.

Born on January 25, 1425, Henry IV ascended to the throne in 1454 but soon faced severe opposition from factions that doubted his legitimacy. A civil war ensued, with rival factions supporting his half-sister Isabella, who later married Ferdinand II of Aragon, uniting Spain.

Henry's personal life was tumultuous, involving marriages to cousins and rumors surrounding the paternity of his children. His inability to produce a male heir led to widespread dissatisfaction and contributed to his derogatory title.

“King Henry IV of Castilla, an exceptional urologic patient. An endocrinopathy causing the uroandrological problems of the Monarch.” - Max Williams [31:20]

The hosts discuss how Henry's reputed impotence not only affected his personal legacy but also had significant political repercussions, ultimately leading to his diminished authority and the rise of his sister's lineage.

“It does seem though perhaps that through his philandering, he may well have brought this one on himself.” - Noel Brown [34:54]

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Harald Fairhair: The Lousy

The final historical figure explored is Harald Fairhair, revered as the first king of Norway. Despite his monumental achievements in unifying Norway, Harald earned the humorous honorific "Harald the Lousy."

Known for his legendary prowess in battle and his iconic, long mullet-like hairstyle, Harald's reputation is a blend of heroic folklore and less flattering personal traits. His commitment to keeping his hair uncut until he subdued all opposition led to an unkempt appearance, which, coupled with his aggressive campaigns, resulted in lice infestations. Thus, "The Lousy" became a lasting moniker reflecting both his physical appearance and his tumultuous reign.

“We see that legend has it our buddy Harald... his hair was riddled with lice. Lousy with lice, in fact.” - Ben Bullen [42:58]

The hosts humorously recount tales of Harald’s interactions, where despite his violent nature, his unmanageable hair and constant battle with lice became a defining aspect of his legacy.

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The Enduring Nature of Honorifics

Bullen and Brown emphasize that honorifics are not just relics of the past but have enduring power in shaping historical narratives. These titles, whether inherited or assigned, can significantly influence how figures are remembered and interpreted by future generations.

“If it's strong enough, catchy enough honorific, it's gonna stick around throughout history.” - Noel Brown [24:15]

They also touch upon the modern relevance of honorifics, pondering how contemporary figures might be remembered based on their actions and public personas.

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Conclusion and Teasers

As the episode wraps up, the hosts hint at future installments exploring more amusing and bizarre honorifics in history. They acknowledge the continuous influence of these titles in both historical and modern contexts, setting the stage for deeper explorations into how honorifics shape our understanding of the past.

“Some honorifics are great... but others have names that you might remember from our explorations.” - Noel Brown [43:22]

They extend gratitude to their producer Max Williams and tease collaborations with other podcast networks, ensuring listeners that more engaging content awaits in subsequent episodes.

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Notable Quotes:

• “Sometimes they're a compliment... Sometimes they're an insult.” - Ben Bullen [06:30]
• “King Henry IV of Castilla, an exceptional urologic patient...” - Max Williams [31:20]
• “If it's strong enough, catchy enough honorific, it's gonna stick around throughout history.” - Noel Brown [24:15]
• “Some people have these amazing highfaluting praises baked into their nicknames.” - Ben Bullen [40:08]

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Ridiculous History offers a captivating exploration of how honorifics encapsulate the complex legacies of historical figures. Through witty banter and meticulous research, Ben Bullen and Noel Brown uncover the stories behind some of the most amusing and telling titles ever assigned, providing listeners with both education and entertainment.

For those intrigued by the interplay of personal reputations and historical narratives, this episode serves as a humorous yet insightful reminder of how titles can immortalize both the virtues and vices of those who shaped our past.

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Listen to "Some of History's Funniest Honorifics, Part One" on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Ben Bullen]

Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you as always, so much for tuning in. Let's hear it for the man, the myth, the legend, our super producer, Mr. Max Williams.

[Noel Brown]

Max the Maximum Max Williams.

[Max Williams]

We all need honorifics today.

[Ben Bullen]

We always Assign honorifics to Mr. Max Williams as well as to Mr. Noel Brown.

[Noel Brown]

Go ahead, lay it on me.

[Ben Bullen]

You want one? Well, I. I called you the bag man earlier.

[Noel Brown]

I. Okay, yeah, we've. We've been using that one for a minute. It is my. It is my wish to be a bag man in a heist type scenario. Speaking of a heist type scenari. Sorry, guys. This is Noel here. Have either of y'all seen the 1970s film the Taking of Pelham 123?

[Ben Bullen]

Yes.

[Noel Brown]

It's so cool. It's a heist movie about these criminals who hijack a New York City subway train in an effort to extort the government of New York City for a million dollars. And it's got Walter Matthau in it. And it's like, it's funny, it's exciting. It's the classic 70s vibes he type picture. Highly recommend. Unrelated, I don't know that you know what? There are. It's the first time I ever heard like a Mr. Color thing like in Reservoir Dogs. That's kind of non horrific, but. But not quite. But the whole point is though, Ben, you can't really give yourself an honorific. It's kind of dirty pool.

[Ben Bullen]

That's right. And that is me. So to finish up the introductions here, I am often called Ben Bullen. Some honorifics I have received are the benevolent, the beneficent. None of those were choice. I actually learned the word beneficent when it was bestowed upon me back in the day. The nickname rule is applicable to honorifics as well. Honorifics as a phrase is simply the concept of nicknames with a tie on. Nickname rules will state, as previously mentioned, that you should not give yourself your own nickname. It has to be an aggregate observation, hopefully from people who love you. But it doesn't always work out that way. This episode is about some of the funniest honorifics in history. And our super producer Max, who is pulling double duty as a research associate on this episode, has an anecdote that you want to share. Max, about your friend Greg.

[Max Williams]

Oh, Greg Williams. Such a wonderful man. I love this guy to death. He's one of my closest friends.

[Ben Bullen]

No relation, no relationship.

[Max Williams]

Yeah.

[Ben Bullen]

Your last name is Williams?

[Max Williams]

Right, yeah, yeah.

[Noel Brown]

Brother from another mother type situation.

[Max Williams]

We don't look similar. We'll. I'll just. I'll just leave it that way. But yeah, Greg, back when we were in our 20s, he had this period of time where he was really convinced he wanted a cool nickname. And the problem was he wanted to give to himself. And his other problem was his two best friends were me and this other guy named Phil. And we're trolls.

[Ben Bullen]

Who do you describe as idiots?

[Max Williams]

Yeah, we're absolute idiots. That feels to this day another very close friend of mine still. And so we'd be just like, you know, hanging around at our local watering holes and Greg would just be like, doing this in the worst way where he's just like Turbo, firing out nicknames for himself. He was like, I want to be the cougar now. The jaguar? No, the mountain lion. I'm like, dude, sounds like you want to be a cat, so why don't we just call you like Mr. Fuzzy Paws?

[Ben Bullen]

That's very funny. I've seen It's Always Sunny episode where I think it's the gang gets whacked part one or two. It's a two parter, rare for that crew wherein our pal Mac tries to do the same thing. He says he's sly like a cat, and so on. We've all been in these situations. A good nickname, a good honorific is amazing.

[Noel Brown]

Picture this. You're halfway through a DIY car fix, tools scattered everywhere, and boom. You realize you. You're missing a part.

[Ben Bullen]

It's okay because, you know, whatever it is, it's on ebay.

[Noel Brown]

They've got everything. Brakes, headlights, cold air intakes, whatever you need.

[Ben Bullen]

And it's guaranteed to fit. Which means no more crossing your fingers and hoping you ordered the right thing.

[Noel Brown]

All the parts you need at prices.

[Ben Bullen]

You'Ll love, guaranteed to fit every time.

[Noel Brown]

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[Maria Tremarki]

Welcome to the Criminalia podcast. I'M Maria Tremarki.

[Holly Fry]

And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.

[Maria Tremarki]

Each season we explore a new theme. From poisoners to art thieves, we uncover.

[Holly Fry]

The secrets of history's most interesting figures, from legal injustices to body snatching.

[Maria Tremarki]

And tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story.

[Holly Fry]

Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jon Stewart]

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at the Daily show, which means he's also back in our ears on the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to the Daily Show Ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ben Bullen]

Sometimes they're a compliment, Peter the Great. Sometimes they're an insult. Of course, I mean, one of my personal favorites, Just been here talking Ethelred the Unready is just such a walk for that one.

[Noel Brown]

It's such a low key diss, too. It's like you're not ready, you're not terrible, you're just a little unprepared. You didn't really do your homework. Ivan the Terrible, one could argue, is a nickname that inspires fear. To me, Terrible in this context is more like a terrible ogre, a horrifying dragon. Not necessarily that you're like a terrible person. You know what I mean? It does seem to have a little bit more gravitas to it. So Ivan might have been cool with that nickname, honestly.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, it might have been a marketing decision. We also have to point out, here's what I would argue is one of the great differentiators. Nicknames are what we call little sobriquets assigned by your contemporaries. Honorifics can occur across history, and that's why there are a lot of emperors or rulers of old who get their honorific posthumously. They are assigned that by an historian who may not have met them. It's usually, it's usually a mixed bag. Some honorifics are super complimentary, some are super insulting, and some are honestly insider jokes for historians and bookkeepers of the time when books were much more of a niche pursuit.

[Noel Brown]

Sure. Yeah. And that's of course, where history was recorded, often by the victors. And they're usually the ones that give out the honorifics. History is written by the Victors indeed. Huge shout out to Aaron Kelly over at all that's interesting for her list history's 25 most embarrassing royal nicknames with a big resource used for this dossier. So why don't we jump right in with William iii, a Netherlandian king. Or as Max puts it, a Netherlandy king, maybe. That's right. I like Netherlandian, the King of the Netherlands.

[Ben Bullen]

And I'd like to give a preemptive shout out to our buddy Ben Thompson, who deals a lot with sobriquets, a lot with street names of history in his excellent blog and podcast, Badass of the Week. So William the Third, not the first William. He's sort of. What is it? He's sort of Return of the King. As Williams go. If we go to our friends at Britannica, we will see that our pal Will William was born relatively recently in the great scheme of things, February 19, 1817. And he made it all the way to 1890, November 23, which is honestly not that bad for a king.

[Noel Brown]

Not a bad life also, you know, given the nature of a much shorter life expectancies back then. I love the name of the town in which he passed away, though. Appeldorn, also in the Netherlands. He was pretty conservative in the way that he governed the Netherlands. He was also a Grand Duke of Luxembourg, being the eldest son of King William the Second, who also possessed a pretty interesting hairstyle. Let's see what we got here. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Bit of a combover, bit of a Curious George kind of vibe. He sort of is like, his whole face is ringed in a very thinning line of hair with a comb overy bald spot on the top. And he's perfectly cleanly shaven. It's a weird Amish hybrid kind of thing going on there, for sure.

[Max Williams]

A lot of compensation, it feels like, and it's just making it worse.

[Ben Bullen]

And there it's a. It's also, it shows us the bubble of success. He's not welcoming people for advice or anything other than. Yes. And at this point we should also point out, to get in front of this, that when I said he was born on February 19, 1817, he was born in Brussels, which is in Belgium, and then he died in Apeldoor in the Netherlands. So he also, by the way, he comes from a little bit of a close family tree. There's not a wide branch. He marries his cousin Sophia, who is the daughter of his grandfather.

[Noel Brown]

That's right, king William the Og number one. And he is of Wurtemberg in 1839, by the way, is when this marriage took place between William and his cousin, daughter of King William the First. And in 1849 he succeeded to the throne. Little bit of a muddled chronology here with all these similar names, but we got this man, this par for the course for ridiculous history. Don't you worry, once you open up the family tree, it just starts to get even more confusing. So we're doing our best here.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah. And let's. Let's go to William3 before we introduce his honorific. Let's give the guy is flowers. As I mentioned earlier, he had a pretty good reign as far as kings go around about 41 years. A lot of it was associated with what we could kind of call conservatism. For the time he was opposed to things like making a constitution or human rights.

[Noel Brown]

Who needs all that?

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, and he was pissed at Catholics for sure. We have some quotes from different places. You can read this everywhere. Britannica, for instance, points out that he opposed the Constitution of 1848 because that would create a nascent form of parliamentary government. He was not an absolute monarch, so he did have political forces that compelled him to allow certain people to head a new government. One of the big thorns in his side being Johann Thorbeck, who was, by the way, a big fan of constitutions.

[Noel Brown]

That's right. Thorbeck did resign, however, from that government in 1853 when William adopted, against the wishes of this government, a staunchly anti Catholic stance in a dispute over the reestablishment of a Roman Catholic episcopal hierarchy headed up by the Archbishop of Utrecht.

[Ben Bullen]

Utrecht, which is a great art store these days, is it?

[Noel Brown]

No, Utrecht.

[Ben Bullen]

I'm kidding. No, it's a real. It's a real town.

[Noel Brown]

Sounds like it ought to be like a bicycle brand or an outdoorsy type shop. I might just be thinking of Trek.

[Ben Bullen]

I want to say Utrecht is an art store. Yeah. Here in the U.S. oh, cool. It's a brand of art supply stores, so maybe he was way more in front of stuff. Anyway, on the way to death, our buddy Willy Trey, he attempted to sell the entirety of Luxembourg to France. Luxembourg is currently an independent nation. It is, by the way, super fancy. He ran into trouble with that. Prussia was still very much in play and they said that's a bridge too far. They were not quite to the point of just pushing people out third story windows at that juncture in history.

[Noel Brown]

But they're tough customers.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, their threats would be followed through. All of this is just context. William III's nickname does not deal with his political machinations. Instead, it deals with his more skinmax ridiculous history after dark behavior.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, he and his wife had what you might call a loveless marriage. Didn't seem like they vibed super well with one another interpersonally or, you know, between the old sheets. So he needed to seek gratification of that kind elsewhere. As Kelly writes in the article that we mentioned at the top, William was known for an enthusiasm for extramarital relationships. It almost would seem as though they had a bit of a, you know, understanding, which, according to some sources, resulted in potentially dozens of illegitimate heirs during his first marriage. He's so anti Catholic. I guess they didn't really have contraception back then, did they? I'm sorry, I'm just, you know, they.

[Ben Bullen]

Had pull out and pray.

[Noel Brown]

That's the one. It seemed like he was doing more praying than pulling out.

[Ben Bullen]

It's also important to note that he did have three sons with his first wife, Sophie. And so, sadly, as was not uncommon in the time, child mortality was very high, all three of William and Sophie's legitimate children passed away. While their father was still alive. Sophie also died.

[Noel Brown]

Ooh, Max is raising his paw.

[Max Williams]

Yeah, and just to jump in here, I think one of the children died very young, but this is actually one of these cases where the dad just lived for a really, really long time. It's actually to draw a comparison, it's Tyro Septim was the longest living human in Elder Scrolls universe, and his son, who became king when Septon Tiber Septim died, was very old and did not have a very long empire.

[Ben Bullen]

And if you want to learn more about the basis of Elder Scrolls and Skyrim lore, please do remember to pick up every book you run across when you're playing the game or hop over to their wiki.

[Noel Brown]

It's good stuff. It's good writing. After his first wife, Sophie died in 1877, he married another woman by the name of Emma of Waldeck Pyrmont, which is a very fancy sounding name who served as regent in 1890 while the king was unwell. Wilhelmina was the name of their daughter and was his only living legitimate heir, by the way, because, you know, he had skoodles of illegitimate heirs.

[Ben Bullen]

But narcissist, you know, goat with a thousand young kind of stuff.

[Noel Brown]

We'll recall that his three previous legitimate sons had passed away sadly, and she did succeed to the throne of the Netherlands upon his death in 1890.

[Ben Bullen]

And contemporary sources and later historians report that this second marriage was way less loveless. Way warmer. Some people argue that yeah, that he became a better king. And that's a human thing. Sometimes you don't get it right the first time. This is where he gets his honorific, the New York Times. That's right, because remember, we're in the late 1800s. The New York Times, who previously supported.

[Noel Brown]

Nuking the Darien Gap, by the way, check out stuff they don't want you to know episode on that subject. Two parter in your feed.

[Ben Bullen]

And the New York Times says to the world at large, or at least English readers, that this guy, William iii is the greatest debaucher.

[Maria Tremarki]

Welcome to the Criminalia podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.

[Holly Fry]

And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.

[Maria Tremarki]

Each season we explore a new theme. Everything from poisoners and pirates to art thieves and snake oil products and those who made and sold them.

[Holly Fry]

We uncover the stories and secrets of some of history's most compelling criminal figures, including a man who built a submarine as a getaway vehicle. Yep, that's a fact.

[Maria Tremarki]

We also look at what kinds of societal forces were at play at the time of the crime, from legal injustices to the ethics of body snatching, to see what, if anything, might look different through today's perspective.

[Holly Fry]

And be sure to tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in custom made cocktails and mocktails inspired by the stories. There's one for every story we tell.

[Maria Tremarki]

Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Danny Thrill]

Welcome. I'm Danny Thrill. Won't you join me at the Fire and Dare Tales from the Shadows presented by I Heart and Sonoro. An anthology of modern day horror stories inspired by the legends of Latin America. From ghastly encounters with shapeshifters to bone chilling brushes with supernatural creatures.

[Noel Brown]

I know you.

[Danny Thrill]

Take a trip and experience the horrors that have haunted Latin America since the beginning of time. Listen to Nocturnal Tales from the shadows as part of Michael Tuda podcast network. Available on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcast. Over every you get your podcast.

[Noel Brown]

Can I just say that when I saw this, I read it as the greatest douchebag.

[Ben Bullen]

I mean similar.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, it's funny. Debauchee. Very bacchanalian lifestyle, eh?

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, there's also, you know, look, not to split hairs, huh? Do you get the jars?

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ben Bullen]

You did the hard H e I. Whoa.

[Noel Brown]

I'm here for it, Ben.

[Ben Bullen]

Thank you, sir.

[Noel Brown]

We're not only gonna keep it, Ben, we're gonna put it on the mantle and, and dust it lovingly.

[Max Williams]

It's gonna get a bad drum, of course.

[Ben Bullen]

Okay. Well, yeah. All right. I appreciate you guys. This, this is not great pr, right? It happens pretty often where we're in high profile target, be they political, religious or royal, they will get smacked around in the tabloids. And we have to remember that the New York Times is super fancy pants today. But they weren't above digging into dumb ideas in the past. And so as we return to our. Our pal Erin Kelly, she draws a little bit of disagreement with this because she said, look, you know, other people fathered 63 illegitimate children before they got married.

[Noel Brown]

On her list of the weirdest nicknames, royal nicknames, you know, and.

[Ben Bullen]

And that guy's name is John the Baby Maker.

[Noel Brown]

That's right. Oh my gosh. I don't know, what do you think is more offensive, being a Baby Maker or a debauchee. And I. It's little puritanical, isn't it? The idea like they're sort of making a judgment call about how many children he fathered out of wedlock and they're making it sound like he's some sort of sex pest.

[Ben Bullen]

Deviant. Very British. I think Baby Maker is funnier than debauche and less judgy, less insulting.

[Noel Brown]

Right? Yeah. I mean, in those days producing heirs was what you wanted to do. And there is also no caveat in John the Baby Maker as to the legitimacy of those children. So I don't know, man.

[Max Williams]

I think he Baby Maker actually had three legitimate heirs. I originally wanted to write about John the Baby Maker, but a lot of times the further you go back with in royalty, the harder and harder it is to find like real sources. And I'm saying that about the guy I picked whose name is William iii. Do you know who William III is on the Google search? It's William, King of the Orange. King, whatever. He's a British king. So it's really hard to find William.

[Ben Bullen]

It's a name thing. There are so many Henry's, Williams and J.

[Max Williams]

And don't forget about Charles.

[Ben Bullen]

There's never. There's never one Jame. Like, I have a friend whose name is Jame. It's the singular of Jame. It's spelled a little bit differently. But I really appreciate his parents.

[Noel Brown]

That was one of the potential names for the Buffalo Bill character in was.

[Ben Bullen]

Just the one James.

[Noel Brown]

Jame Gum or Jamie. Jame or Jamie. I was the first time I'd ever heard a singular Jame. That is very interesting. Well, we got a little Bit of dispute here as to the fairness of this nickname, but unfortunately, that's not how honorifics work. Fairness doesn't enter into it. It's all about stickiness. Right?

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, yeah. And speaking of, I don't mean that.

[Noel Brown]

In a gross way. I just mean like, if it's strong enough, catchy enough honorific, it's gonna stick around throughout history. And you got. You or your heirs or your estate really don't have anything to say about it at that point. Otherwise you'll be employing like the Streisand effect, where you try to get something pulled down or changed after the fact. People are just gonna double down on the thing that you want.

[Ben Bullen]

And I'd love to write an episode later about honorifics or street names given to U.S. presidents. You have to wonder what people will get as time goes on. Will it be like. Or even political figures? I think people have gotten their ship sunk when they get the wrong sort of. Like you're saying, thing caught up in the Zeitgeist, Jeb Low energy Bush. That's true.

[Noel Brown]

I guess I just don't think of donorifics being as much of a thing in modern politics.

[Ben Bullen]

We're too close to it.

[Noel Brown]

That must be it.

[Ben Bullen]

You're right.

[Noel Brown]

We're not there yet.

[Ben Bullen]

We gotta get there.

[Noel Brown]

Speaking of time, why don't we fast forward a little bit in time to King Henry IV of Castile?

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, yeah, this guy was born, but we're actually. We're reverse forwarding time. We're rewinding.

[Noel Brown]

Excuse me, Ben.

[Ben Bullen]

Excuse me.

[Noel Brown]

No, no, no.

[Ben Bullen]

This guy, as you pointed out, he is born in 1425, January 25th. So the anniversary of his birthday, as we record today, January 24th, is coming up tomorrow. Happy birthday, buddy. He. He lives. He. He does his bit. He does pretty well. He passes away in 1474 in Madrid. He's born and dies in Spain. And he is king from, let's see, 1454 to 1474. And he didn't live during the most stable times.

[Noel Brown]

No. At first he seemed like he had a handle on things, but then his reign began to spiral pretty wildly out of control. We're gonna lean on Max here a little bit for a shortened version of how events kind of transpire. Everyone hated this guy. He was not popular. They wanted him out. There was a faction of individuals that claimed that his little brother Alfonso was in fact, the king. It was a very Game of Thrones esque scenario. And in an act of political theater, they deposed Henry in effigy. What is that? Like they literally burned like a doll of him.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, like we're getting rid of this puppet who represents this guy that got. And three years after that, old Alfonso passes away, or I should say younger Alfonso passes away, and Henry attempts to. Because this is royalty again, it's not a meritocracy. Right.

[Noel Brown]

Wait, wait, wait. So this deposing an effigy, like took. I don't understand. Is this like a real revolution or was this just an act?

[Max Williams]

The whole thing was a start of a civil war, basically.

[Noel Brown]

It started a civil war. That's it. It was a symbolic act that then spread into actual action. And he was in fact deposed.

[Max Williams]

He wasn't, but there was a faction of people who said he was deposed.

[Ben Bullen]

He was not deposed. But people could not. People did not unanimously agree upon who. Who is king.

[Noel Brown]

They did not acknowledge his authority. And therefore Alfonso more or less became in charge because the people rallied behind him.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, there were a bunch of people essentially saying the equivalent of not my president.

[Max Williams]

A similar comp in modern day would be when the Ukraine Russian war started. There was parts of eastern Ukraine that came out and said, oh, we are not part of Ukraine, we're part of Russia. Similar thing there.

[Ben Bullen]

Or similar to the troubles in Crimea as well. So before we get to stuff that, I want you to know about this one. We know that our buddy Henry tried to shore up the reign, shore up his line. And he said, look, here's my daughter Juana. She's the queen. She's going to be the queen. She is an infant. At the time, she did not have informed consent. And so his ride rivals is, you know, not my president type dudes then said, no way. Nice try, your majesty. The real ruler is your half sister.

[Noel Brown]

Isabella, the future Isabella I, who without Henry's knowledge or permission, married the heir to the throne of Aragon, a fellow named Ferdinand, who was to become Ferdinand ii. The two would ultimately unite Spain, which is pretty cool.

[Ben Bullen]

Pretty tough job too.

[Noel Brown]

So more or less a happy end.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, for Spain, perhaps, right? Yeah. But maybe not for our buddy Henry iv. He is his honorific, which we're about to explore. Just for slight spoiler, folks, it is a 180 degrees difference from what happened with our boy Willie. Three stacks, which I just made up and I guess.

[Noel Brown]

Good. No, no, that's good. That's an honorary.

[Ben Bullen]

It's approachable.

[Noel Brown]

I think so.

[Ben Bullen]

So this guy. No, this guy. This guy apparently was not super lovey dovey in his first marriage. And he was married for a number of years, according to sources, which may have an agenda. He never got frista up. He never got horned up. He never consummated at all his 13 year marriage to his cousin wife.

[Noel Brown]

Well, you know, I guess that's sort of a small consolation to marrying your cousin. I think it makes it a little less gross.

[Ben Bullen]

I mean, maybe it's a political thing. Really want to marry her also.

[Noel Brown]

True. But you know, the cousin marrying was pretty. Pretty wide rife at the time, so I don't think that was maybe the main concern. But some sources saw it a little differently with those perspectives coming from members of the local sex trade.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, yeah, they said there was nothing wrong under the hood. We're a family show. So let's pretend that's not a circumcision joke.

[Noel Brown]

It's oh, geez Louise, Ben. He was perhaps just not fond of his cousin wife. Yeah.

[Ben Bullen]

But then he marries another cousin who did birth a daughter. That's the infant he tries to install as queen. But rumor has it. Rumor has it that he is not the biological father.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, it doesn't seem like there's any cousin scruples going on here. He went from one cousin to the next. So in Max's research, he found a lot about Henry's bedroom difficulties, but nothing quite as hilarious as what's detailed in the National Library of Medicine's article. King Henry IV of Castilla, an exceptional urologic patient. An endocrinopathy causing the uroandrological problems of the Monarch. Monarch Impotence and penile malformation.

[Ben Bullen]

Part three.

[Noel Brown]

Part three. Yeah, three. Three of three. And our source, Aaron Kelly, points out that Henry's reign was more or less the history of it was more or less co opted by his half sister, who was the one who kicked him out in the first place. And that sort of saddled him with about one of the most infantilizing honorifics a male king could possibly be saddled with.

[Ben Bullen]

Ooh. Ooh. Let us know. What is it? What is it?

[Noel Brown]

Henry the impotent.

[Ben Bullen]

Ah, not Henry the Potent.

[Noel Brown]

No, sir.

[Ben Bullen]

Two letters can make such a difference.

[Noel Brown]

I know, I know now. Henry the impotent. Yeah.

[Maria Tremarki]

Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.

[Holly Fry]

And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.

[Maria Tremarki]

Each season, we explore a new theme. Everything from poisoners and pirates to art thieves and snake oil products and those who made and sold them.

[Holly Fry]

We uncover the stories and secrets of some of history's most compelling criminal figures, including a man who built a submarine as A getaway vehicle. Yep, that's a fact.

[Maria Tremarki]

We also look at what kinds of societal forces were at play at the time of the crime, from legal injustices to the ethics of body snatching, to see what, if anything, might look different through today's perspective.

[Holly Fry]

And be sure to tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in custom made cocktails and mocktails inspired by the stories. There's one for every story we tell.

[Maria Tremarki]

Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Danny Thrill]

Welcome. I'm Danny Thrill. Won't you join me at the fire and dare enter Nocturnal Tales from the Shadows presented by iheart and Sonora. An anthology of modern day horror stories inspired by the legends of Latin America. From ghastly encounters with shapeshifters to bone chilling brushes with supernatural creatures. Take a trip and experience the horrors that have haunted Latin America since the beginning of time. Listen to Nocturnal Tales from the Shadows as part of Michael Tura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Noel Brown]

It does seem though perhaps that through his philandering, he may well have brought this one on himself.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, kind of an own goal, as.

[Noel Brown]

They would say in Europe, hoisted on his own petard.

[Max Williams]

And I will say there is actually proof that when people like why don't you have a child with your first cousin wife? He would scream a curse is upon me and has made me impotent. When you're using that as your excuse and you get it as your nickname, you kind of brought on yourself, it.

[Ben Bullen]

Doesn'T work in the modern day. You can't say, you can't. You can't blame a curse on misfortune. Now in a court of law.

[Noel Brown]

Now let's not get too. Yeah, no, you're 100% right, Ben. And let's not get too under the hood here again, but impotence and infertility are two different things, right?

[Ben Bullen]

For sure.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. So the implication being that if he was impotent, he couldn't become tumescent.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Noel Brown]

But the sex workers though, do we put any credence in their perspective or do we think they were just talking trash?

[Ben Bullen]

Scuttlebutt. But yeah, because it's difficult now to it becomes a he said, she said. Or more likely it becomes she said, she said.

[Noel Brown]

Well, we do have a scientific journal article about his peen. So analyzing the body, it sure would seem like that's probably the source that we should lean on the most.

[Ben Bullen]

What do you say, guys, let's do one more. This is going to be a continuing series again with a shout out to our pal Ben Thompson. Chad, check out our earlier interview with him. Go Benz. He created Badass of the Week, which is so neat and so comprehensive, in fact, that we routinely check the site when we're writing stuff. We, with the help of Ben and Max, learned about our last honorific for today, a guy named Harold. H A R A L, D. Not Harold, not Harold.

[Noel Brown]

Harald, Unclear. I think I'm with you, Ben. That's not how it's pronounced. That's how it's pronounced. Now, in the ridiculous history extended universe, according to our pal friend of the podcast, Ben Thompson, from his site Badass of the Week, as well as his podcast ongoing Badass of the Week, Harald Fairhair was the first true king of Norway, the national hero of his country, and a man known not only for a mighty propensity for cleaving his enemies in Twain, as Ben describes it, like a psyche psychotic escaped mental patient carving a Thanksgiving turkey, but also for rocking ahead of epically glorious glam metal hair so righteous it's the primary way violence loving Viking skalds chose to remember his name. That is good quality writing there, Ben Thompson.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, man. And Ben continues and says, look, this guy was too busy to write stuff down. He's not in the monastery. He's not laboriously scrolling out or scrolling out letters, hunched over a tome. Right? Just so. Yeah, you're right, Noel. Instead, he is launching multiple campaigns to unify his country under one single ruler, which is historically a very violent pursuit. And as a result of his wartime exploits, a lot of the nuts and bolts details about his administration are riddled with mythology and folklore and crazy anecdotes that praise the guy, that give him this vibe of a heavy metal guitar solo with an eagle screaming in the background.

[Noel Brown]

I mean, honestly, his mullet probably resembled that of a golden eagle, wings spread. Now, he definitely had a bit of a feathery mullet. And I would proffer that he, maybe all of his powers were contained within his mullet. Like Samson.

[Ben Bullen]

Oh yes, Samson reference. I love it. We do know he was real. He was definitely a real dude, a biological human. He, he did succeed in his timeline. He got all the Jarls, the sort of warlords of Norway under his rule, shout out, Skyrim.

[Noel Brown]

By the way, they use that as the name of the leaders of the different townships. They're jarls.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah. And I'm not with the Nords in that game. I feel like they're A little racist, to be honest.

[Noel Brown]

That is very true, Ben. I can't remember who I aligned with. I think I'm still deciding.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, but you're still on the broken quest line, right?

[Noel Brown]

I'm nowhere, Ben. It's been long enough now that I think I might just.

[Ben Bullen]

Just start over again.

[Noel Brown]

It is a great game, but I also. I got Baldur's gate too, man. I still have to dig in and I want to be a Baldur's gatey. I just want to do it.

[Ben Bullen]

Baldur's Gate 3.

[Noel Brown]

I feel like it's over my head a little bit, but I'm going to try.

[Ben Bullen]

Just text me with any questions.

[Noel Brown]

Okay, I sure will. About who I should bang.

[Ben Bullen]

That is Baldur's Gate 3.

[Noel Brown]

Okay, so, I mean, there's a lot of mythology wrapped up in the way this guy is written about in history. But what we do know for sure is that he was the first king of Norway and a bonafide bad, as Ben Thompson puts it. However, given all of the kind of badassery that surrounds this guy and his incredible locks, his epic mane, it might surprise you to know that he had a less than complimentary honorific.

[Ben Bullen]

I love this. All right, folks, get ready. This guy, despite all the things he did, the great violence he wrought, his unification of what we call Norway today. His street name is Harald the Lousy. L O U S Y. Be careful with it.

[Noel Brown]

Well, we might say lousy today as just when I think of that, I think of like I Love Lucy. They always said everything was lousy, but in this case you might pronounce it more as a hard S. Lousy. Because this does go back to his copious locks and think about all the little in those days of questionable hygiene, little hangers on that can get wrapped up in a glorious mane like that.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, so you're absolutely right, Noel. Going back to your earlier excellent shout out to Samson, by the way, well done. We see that legend has it our buddy Harald. Harald had vowed not to cut his hair until he became the ruler of a unified Norway. And by the time he actually received the crown, ten years on, his hair was pretty grody. He kind of looked like a train kid we will call him here in the US and along the way he picked up, he created a follicular ecosystem for a lot of parasites, louses, as they're known. So apparently they were just like jumping off him pigpen style. Also, shout out to our our very first ridiculous history episode. Oh my gosh, you guys. Heart emoji. This all Started when we asked each other why British courts require people to wear wigs.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, yeah, because of the syphilis and the lice and the parasites. Yeah. We are talking about lice, by the way, if you hadn't put that one together. So this guy was in fact crowned the first king of Norway, but what he is mostly remembered for is the fact that his hair was riddled with lice. Lousy with lice, in fact.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah. And look, let's be fair. This guy is a Viking in the 800-800-Ce. So a lot of people had lice. A lot of people. A lot of people had, you know, all kinds of stuff. Crabs. You know what I mean?

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. But not only was this guy the king of the Vikings, he was the king of lice, it would seem.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, yeah. Because everybody in his crew would meet him and again, according to the story, later get lice. So he's. So he said, he's saying, you know, oh, great battle. We cleaved the snot out of these guys. Give me a hug. I'm going to promote you to my new jarl. And they say, let's do it like a fist bump maybe.

[Noel Brown]

Fist bump, Elbow bump. Yeah, maybe try rubbing this peanut butter on your head, buddy.

[Ben Bullen]

So we have more wonders ahead. Honorifically, this turns out to be a continuing series. Some honorifics are great. Love that we point this out in the beginning. Some people have these amazing highfaluting praises baked into their nicknames. Other people have names that you might remember from our explorations with our pals Jack and Miles, who are overdue to come on for another collaboration with historical flexes. Maybe we end it here. Man, Ethelred, I just. I hope one day he's ready.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, I think by now he should be. He's had enough time to prepare.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Bring your notes, Ethelred, when you recross the mortal veil. In the meantime, thank you so much to our super producer and research associate for this episode, Mr. Max Williams. Thanks to Alex Tijuana Williams, who is kicking it, playing some amazing guitar and will maybe one day. What do you think, Noel? Maybe pop by an episode.

[Noel Brown]

Are you kidding? How has that not happened yet? It must huge thanks to Jonathan Strickland, the quizzter AJ Bahamas Jacobs, the puzzler, Chris Fracios and Eve Jeffco's here in spirit.

[Ben Bullen]

Rachel Big Spinach Lance are rude dudes at ridiculous crime and maybe we'll have a collab with them on the way. Thanks, of course, to all the historians who took the time from with one ulterior motivation or another to bestow these monikers, honorifics and nicknames on figures of note. And Noel, thanks to you.

[Noel Brown]

Hey, thanks to you too, buddy. We'll see you next next time, folks. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Maria Tremarki]

Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. I'm Maria Tremarki.

[Holly Fry]

And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.

[Maria Tremarki]

Each season we explore a new theme, from poisoners to to art thieves.

[Holly Fry]

We uncover the secrets of history's most interesting figures, from legal injustices to body snatching.

[Maria Tremarki]

And tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story.

[Holly Fry]

Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jon Stewart]

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at the Daily show, which means he's also back in our ears on the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to the Daily Show Ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Noel Brown]

Hey, you guys, I'm Katherine Leg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the board planet and I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season I'm competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy with Katherine Legg, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Maria Tremarki]

Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.

[Max Williams]

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover? That can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help.

[Noel Brown]

That's right.

[Max Williams]

I'm Joel. And I am Matt and we're from the how to Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know, know it for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to how to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.