The World's Weirdest Sports, Part One: Buzkashī is Where You Fight Over A Dead Goat

Summary

Ridiculous History – Episode Summary Title: The World's Weirdest Sports, Part One: Buzkashī is Where You Fight Over A Dead Goat
Release Date: November 5, 2024
Hosts: Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown
Production: iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In the inaugural episode of their deep dive into the world’s most peculiar athletic competitions, Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown explore the fascinating and often bizarre sports that defy conventional norms. Kicking off with a focus on Buzkashī, a traditional Central Asian sport, the hosts set the stage for a series that promises to uncover the strangest sporting practices from around the globe.

Exploring Buzkashī: The Dead Goat Duel

The centerpiece of this episode is Buzkashī, a historically rich and culturally significant sport primarily played in Afghanistan. The hosts describe it as a high-octane game where horse-mounted players vie for control of a dead goat carcass, aiming to deposit it into a designated goal area.

Notable Quotes:

• Noel Brown [11:15]: "Buzkashī is best stereotyped as the dead goat sport of Afghanistan."
• Max Williams [13:20]: "Okay, so it's like carcass polo."
• Noel Brown [16:16]: "It was believed to have been played as early as the 10th century."

Historical Context and Evolution

Ben and Noel delve into the origins of Buzkashī, suggesting it may have evolved from battle training exercises for Mongol raiders. This evolution transformed into a sport that not only tests physical prowess and horsemanship but also serves as a symbol of national identity in Afghanistan.

Notable Quotes:

• Noel Brown [21:07]: "Players are judged on bravery, horsemanship, and physical prowess."
• Max Williams [23:38]: "No codified rules for how to play this game."

Gameplay and Cultural Significance

The hosts detail the rough and tumble nature of Buzkashī, comparing it to a mix of rugby and hockey but played on horseback with the added complexity of managing a carcass. They highlight the sport's enduring popularity despite attempts by conservative factions, such as the Taliban, to suppress it.

Notable Quotes:

• Noel Brown [34:37]: "It is a symbol of national identity. You play it during important holidays and celebrations."
• Max Williams [35:05]: "And there's not really a fourth down here. And I want to co sign you and cosign."

Comparisons to Western Sports

Ben and Noel draw parallels between Buzkashī and Western sports like American football and polo, emphasizing the universal themes of competition, strategy, and physical endurance. They humorously critique the commercialization and rule-bound nature of American sports while appreciating the raw, unstructured chaos of Buzkashī.

Notable Quotes:

• Noel Brown [24:22]: "American football is just another form of throwing around a faux carcass."
• Max Williams [41:03]: "It's not American at all. It's developed from culinary influences from France, the Netherlands, and the Ottoman Empire."

Dive into Other Weird Sports

Expanding beyond Buzkashī, the hosts introduce listeners to additional oddball sports such as shin kicking and hobby horsing. They explore the origins, rules, and cultural contexts of these activities, maintaining their signature blend of humor and historical insight.

Shin Kicking

Shin kicking, a 17th-century English tradition, involves competitors attempting to knock each other off their feet by targeting their shins. Ben and Noel discuss its controversial nature and speculate on its legitimacy as a sport.

Notable Quotes:

• Max Williams [53:28]: "Shin kicking, that's exactly what it is – two grown men kicking each other in the shins until one falls."
• Noel Brown [55:11]: "The world record for pumpkin chucking stands at 5,545.43 feet. So for the rest of the world."

Hobby Horsing

Hobby horsing, popular in Scandinavia, involves participants pretending to ride horses using sticks and stuffed animals. The sport combines athleticism with playful imagination, showcasing a lighter side of competitive activities.

Notable Quotes:

• Noel Brown [44:00]: "It's riding a hobby horse, which I don't think is. Are hobby horses still a popular toy?"
• Max Williams [45:25]: "People are smiling and laughing in the audience. It does appear that there is a wink, wink knowingness to how goofy this whole thing comes off."

Cultural Reflections and Insights

Throughout the episode, Ben and Noel reflect on the subjective nature of what constitutes a "weird" sport. They emphasize that cultural context plays a significant role in shaping the perception of these activities, noting that what seems bizarre in one culture may be perfectly normal in another.

Notable Quotes:

• Noel Brown [11:22]: "One person's crazy is another person's normal."
• Max Williams [43:49]: "It's a throwbacky, old-timey sort of traditional type sport."

Closing Remarks and Teasers for Part Two

As the episode concludes, the hosts express their enthusiasm for future discussions on additional unconventional sports, promising to explore deeper into Buzkashī and other peculiar athletic endeavors. They invite listeners to stay tuned for more engaging and entertaining explorations of history's most ridiculous pastimes.

Notable Quotes:

• Noel Brown [43:35]: "We might have to save our next one for a future episode for a part two."
• Max Williams [44:00]: "We're going to call it a day. Thank you so much for tuning in, folks."

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Conclusion

"The World's Weirdest Sports, Part One: Buzkashī is Where You Fight Over A Dead Goat" offers listeners an enthralling glimpse into the extraordinary world of unconventional sports. Through insightful analysis and lively banter, Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown shed light on Buzkashī's rich history and cultural significance, setting the stage for a captivating series that celebrates history's most bizarre and fascinating athletic contests.

Transcript

[Noel Brown]

Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you as always so much for tuning in. Let's hear it for the man, the myth, the legend, super producer Mr. Max Williams.

[Ben Bullen]

The crown goes wild. You would pick to do a sports episode when I was sick. I feel like this is intense.

[Max Williams]

This is my breath.

[Ben Bullen]

You guys don't want to talk too much?

[Noel Brown]

Oh, I thought it was raucous applause heard from a distance.

[Max Williams]

Oh, it was. I was also just doing a breath check. Do I have coffee breath? I should. I probably do. I do.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, that's the best thing about us recording remotely. We can't smell our mutual coffee breath. Shout out, by the way, to our other super produce producer, all of the coffee indeed.

[Max Williams]

I'm out of oat milk though, today, guys, so I'm not at my best. I know it doesn't add anything to the kick of the coffee, but it's just something about the balance of the flavor. It doesn't matter, but it's still pretty good. I went iced today. How about you, Ben? What kind of coffee beverage are you rocking, Sir?

[Noel Brown]

You're Noel Brown. I'm Ben Bullen. We're all fans of coffee. I drink my coffee straight, probably to a dangerous degree.

[Max Williams]

Ooh, I actually got a jar.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, Max is actually getting pretty big into the coffee business. We were talking off air a while back, and Max has a system of coffee creation, cold brew coffee creation that is on the level of becoming a sport.

[Max Williams]

Ben, I like your demonstration of transitional prowess here. We're going to talk about other kinds of prowess today. Sports. I'm not really much of a sporto. You like that vibe.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, but you like the vibe. You like the vibe at a live event.

[Max Williams]

I'm a vibes based human being. That is true. If the vibe is right, then I'm there for it. I'm trying to think when the last time I went to a live sporting event was. It's been many years. Does monster truck rally count as a sporting event?

[Ben Bullen]

Oh, definitely.

[Max Williams]

Okay, well, I went through that with both you and Max, actually, as it were.

[Noel Brown]

Even convinced my girlfriend to go with.

[Max Williams]

Us and my kid, who has, let's just say, some potential to be overstimulated. Did not have a good time at the monster truck rally.

[Noel Brown]

Dude. It's funny because when you bring up monster truck rallies, it reminds me that that must look so strange. If you traveled from ancient Mesoamerica to the modern day and you saw a monster truck rally, you would feel like you had discovered A new religion or.

[Max Williams]

That hell had opened up and the demons are now on earth in the form of giant car eating, fire breathing machines.

[Noel Brown]

And that would be your religion? That's a weirdly specific thing. I can't wait till we do time travel.

[Max Williams]

I'm your God now, right?

[Noel Brown]

Right. Truckasaurus all hail. Bow down before what we're talking about in something that may become a series today is weird. Sports, by which we mean sports we consider incredibly odd for one reason or another.

[Max Williams]

Can we also just take this moment to take back the word weird? Like, I more or less appreciate what the lefties were doing and trying to co opt that word as an insult. But you know what? I'm over it. Weird is cool. We're wonderfully weird here on Ridiculous History.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, keep Austin weird. Also, weird was a good Minnesota level insult, I guess, right?

[Max Williams]

I guess that was the basis because old. What is it? Christoph Waltz.

[Noel Brown]

That's funny. So we are weird. We are talking about these sports that may not be familiar to a lot of people. Now look, if you live in the United States, really, regardless of where you live or whether or not you care for sports, when you think of the term or the concept, you immediately conjure images of your favorite athletes, the most memorable game you have played or watched.

[Max Williams]

Shout out to Dodgers fans, by the way, good on y'all. Your team won the World Series, right?

[Noel Brown]

And he says he does it. No sports.

[Ben Bullen]

I gotta sit over and think of an excuse to say they didn't actually win the World Series. Like how they won in 2020. Everyone's like, well, that was the fake World Series. But, uh, congratulations, Rogers.

[Max Williams]

You sound a little bitter. Max.

[Ben Bullen]

Well, it's.

[Noel Brown]

I heard the idea.

[Ben Bullen]

Atlanta and LA have been the two best teams in NL for like the last five years or so. So it's just been kind of rivalry. But, you know, I love Italian, I love Mookie Betts, and I love Freddie Freeman, obviously. So congrats to them.

[Max Williams]

I love anybody named Mookie or Freddie.

[Noel Brown]

And you'll probably think of the logos of your favorite teams. You might think of some of the world's most popular sports, like soccer or football, as it's called in the rest of the world.

[Max Williams]

Or American football.

[Noel Brown]

Right, right. Basketball or baseball. And we had a long discourse in our research here when we were having what corporate America would call a healthy conversation about how you should not call baseball a World Series if none of the teams from the Caribbean, South America or East Asia can participate. The World Series is just the US and Canada. Right.

[Max Williams]

I never thought of that. That is a little bit of a.

[Ben Bullen]

Misnomer counter being the wave of Champions League which is like the club soccer equivalent to the World Cup. That's kind of what the World cup is like. The best Japanese players in the world, the best Caribbean players, the best South American players, they all play major. Honestly, the highest level ones play in America. This is the highest circuit. It's the same way like that how the English Premier League and a number of other European leagues are the highest soccer ones. But now they have the World Baseball Classic which if you did not know, the United States has never won. They lost to Japan. So that's my counter there.

[Max Williams]

Well, I'll tell you what the United States is definitely known for is curling.

[Noel Brown]

Ah yes, if you heard the words.

[Max Williams]

I was, I was being facetious.

[Noel Brown]

It worked. If you are Max, of course when you hear the word sports you probably just thought of curling, to Noel's point. And please check out our not one episode but our multi episode series on curling.

[Max Williams]

It was never going to not be a multi part.

[Noel Brown]

It was never not going to be.

[Max Williams]

But in today's episode we're going to cut through kind of the basics, you know, the obvious candidates for sporting leisure activities and we're going to delve into some much lesser known feats of strength and physical prowess. Games that are, were or are insanely popular in their region or also time and seem to at least outside observers to be a little bit odd. But we know that that term is a little bit loaded because you know, one person's odd is another person's normal. So you know, let's dive in.

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[Max Williams]

I'm hoping I'm saying it right. Is it. It's. It's not to be confused with another naughtier word. It's buz. Kashi.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, you got it. You got it. And. And I applaud you for. For keeping our family show vibe going.

[Max Williams]

I didn't even give you the ammunition needed to Google the other words, so you'll have to use your imagination.

[Noel Brown]

And since we mentioned Japan earlier, technically that word is a food dish.

[Max Williams]

That's right.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. So we will not take our minds out of the gutter. I do appreciate that idea about perspective there. Because one person's crazy is another person's normal. Think about, for instance, when you hear us discuss this stuff, how however strange it may sound, please remember that you probably have some things in your life that sound very strange to outsiders. I always love the example of neckties. Wear it. A tie.

[Max Williams]

It's weird. What's it for? What does it do? Yeah, it holds your tie pin collection. That's. Yeah.

[Noel Brown]

You know what would set off my three piece suit? A useless scarf. A thing that looks like a scarf but doesn't do it. Anyway, sorry. We digress.

[Max Williams]

You know, we should do. We should do a history of neckties.

[Noel Brown]

We should. I.

[Max Williams]

Because there's. There's the various iterations, you know.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. The policy wonks rocking the bow tie. We also have. We have a short brain stuff video on it where we figure out. No, no spoilers. Nobody looked that up.

[Max Williams]

Why did the Nation of Islam guys all wear bow ties? Where did that come from? So many questions that we will explore in a future episode on the history of ties.

[Noel Brown]

And while we're working on that, oh, we cannot wait to introduce you to, as Noel said, Buzkashi, which is best stereotyped as the dead goat sport of Afghanistan.

[Max Williams]

Okay, I'm on board. Tell me more. All right.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. You're interested. All right, so this is a traditional, very old sport in the area, actually in Central Asia. Overall, that involves horse riding, teamwork, and the skillful control of a dead goat or calf carcass.

[Max Williams]

Okay, so it's like carcass polo.

[Noel Brown]

Yes. Nailed it.

[Max Williams]

But you use your hands instead of a stick.

[Noel Brown]

Depends on where you're at. Yeah, yeah, you do use your hands. It's rugby on a horse. That's tough with a carcass.

[Max Williams]

What is this thing in the middle they're all flopping into? It's like a giant dog dick that they sort of bail out into.

[Noel Brown]

What the heck? Yeah.

[Max Williams]

Is that how you score. Oh, it is.

[Noel Brown]

That's the goal.

[Max Williams]

You deposit the carcass into the dog dish, but sometimes you go with it with your whole body.

[Noel Brown]

We're watching a YouTube video.

[Max Williams]

This is nuts.

[Noel Brown]

So we're watching a YouTube video, folks. You should watch it.

[Max Williams]

I think I like sports now.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, it is a wild ride. I actually ran late to recording. I think I told you guys. I'm sorry, I'm in this rabbit hole of Buzkashi videos. Noel, could you describe what you're seeing?

[Max Williams]

Oh, I think I already did, but I'll gladly do it again. It's literally like all of these dudes on horses smacking each other's horses on the butt. It seems like it's a no holds barred type situation. They're riding in these tight packs and I guess they're vying for control of this literal dead goat looking thing, which we'll get into in a little bit about what's the modern, you know, substitute for an actual dead goat carcass. But yeah, they deposit it into this giant. Like, it looks like a mound kind of. Or really a dog dish, I think is the best way to describe it. But sometimes they'll just dive in along with it and people are diving after them to try to, I guess, knock it out of the goal. They use these riding crops. It is. They're wearing furry hats.

[Noel Brown]

Yes, yes. And also we have to do it. We're going to play just a brief clip of the audio that I would argue does not match for this.

[Max Williams]

So it's very reserved.

[Noel Brown]

It's actually.

[Max Williams]

It's like no commentary. Let's hear it.

[Noel Brown]

No shade to our past endeavors. But it reminds me of some of the bad stock music we would use in Brain stuff.

[Max Williams]

Got it. Okay.

[Noel Brown]

Gol's bob in his head got a.

[Max Williams]

Little tension in it. Okay. All right.

[Noel Brown]

Okay. Right. That's what we need. We need an ad lib on that. Yeah. Anyway, so we invite you to this rabbit hole of clips that are just as Noel described clearly expert equestrians, horsemen who are passing around this literal dead body in rugby style. Like they're going for it, they're getting it. This is believed to have been played as early as the 10th century. Oh, and Buzkashi means goat grabbing.

[Max Williams]

That's accurate. That's an accurate description of what I'm seeing here. I just paused it on a frame and it's just like melee. They're just on top of each other. Oh, yeah. On these. With these horses. And like I said, the riding crops. It seems More designed for smacking the other person's horse to get him to, like, giddy up in the wrong direction or something. I don't know.

[Noel Brown]

People are getting knocked off their horses into the dish.

[Max Williams]

Is there a professional association of this sport with codified rules? It seems, just like I said, every player for themselves. To answer that question, no one is sure how buskashi, or goat grabbing in dari, the version of Persian language that's spoken in a lot of Afghanistan, where it originated on the steppes of Central Asia. But one possible theory involves the evolution of the sport centuries ago as a battle exercise for Mongol raiders, which I could see that makes sense as, like, running a. Running a simulation of what it might be like to have to, like, do battle atop horseback.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. And for everybody asking, we'll get into the rules, but first thing you should know, you don't get points for getting knocked off your horse. And these guys are getting smacked off their horses left and right. Pursuing this goat. It's kind of. It's. It's like rugby. It's like hockey, but as you said on a horse. Polo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And these days, it's played across Eurasia. Depending on which of the stands you're in, you might see different rules, because, as you mentioned, there are not really specific codified rules for how to play this game. Like in Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan, they have a team format, and you throw the calf carcass or the goat into those raised goals. And I love your description. It does look like a big dog dish. Like a dish for Clifford the Giant Red Dog. And you mentioned something else. No, nowadays, because this sport is still extremely popular nowadays, they're not necessarily using actual carcasses. They're using, like, fake faux carcasses. Faux carcass? Yeah, yeah.

[Max Williams]

Like the fake furs so you don't get paint dumped on you. But problem there is, if they look too real, you're still going to get the paint.

[Noel Brown]

And in parts of Western China, like, think of Xinyang and stuff like that, the mounts, the people are riding yaks instead of horses. And I gotta be honest with you guys, I don't know the difference between the ground speed of a yak versus the ground speed of a horse. I always.

[Max Williams]

Problem.

[Noel Brown]

It feels like it. Like, I always pictured horses as the faster ones, but I don't know.

[Max Williams]

Yaks have always struck me as being a little on the weedy side. You know, they got thin little legs. I just don't feel like they'd have the stamina that a horse would have. Maybe that's just what they've got laying around. You know, they got more yaks available, so, you know. You know what, Ben? We're looking up some pictures of yaks right now, and they're not the animals that I was quite picturing. I don't know. I was picturing.

[Noel Brown]

We were thinking more alpaca or llama.

[Max Williams]

I think so. Llama maybe. But I always picture maybe cartoon yaks or like an emaciated yak from Ren and Stimpy. Weren't there weird yaks and there was yaks in Ren and Stimpy. They had like the Yaks Club or like an Elks Lodge thing, but it was with yaks. And they were always real diseased and weedy looking. But these boys are furry and beefy. They're like a buffalo.

[Noel Brown]

Yes. Yeah, buffalo. Like the younger, smaller cousin of a bison. But to be quite honest, they don't look like they can run as quickly as a horse.

[Max Williams]

Take a sure buck, though. Yeah, they got the horns, pointy horns. That seems like it would add a level of danger to an already quite dangerous sport.

[Noel Brown]

So let's go back. That's a great point. Let's go back to that theory that this was a training exercise for Mongol forces. Right. We know that part of the reason the Khanates existed and got all the way to Hungary is because the cavalry was amazing. They had. They had horsemanship that was unprecedented at their time. So perhaps these nomadic tribes gamified their practice. Right. They honed their writing and hunting skills. And then over time, it becomes a popular sport in the region. And it. You know, what it reminds me of is all the sports that require a lot of equipment. Like a lot of kids in the US Never play American football because you have to buy so much stuff just to get on the field.

[Max Williams]

Oh, the pads, the helmet, the. I mean, hell, a football is expensive. Yeah, Pig skin.

[Noel Brown]

Right, right, right. Yeah, the old pigskin. So we got to be careful not to judge these people.

[Max Williams]

Isn't that right, Ben? Is this not. Is American football just another form of throwing around a faux carcass? Yeah.

[Noel Brown]

Without even the horses. So you can't really play this game unless you have a horse. And this, again, from a cultural standpoint, seems like a fascinating thing to be good at. You can tell they're pro bun players. However, the Fun Police came in to Afghanistan.

[Max Williams]

Damn it. Fun Police. I hate it when they show up.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, I got the name wrong one time. I thought the Fun Police were pro fun. They're not.

[Max Williams]

No. No, sir. Yeah, they're here to police your fun. Shut it down. They say when they come upon a child's birthday party, or like that movie Footloose.

[Noel Brown]

Is that the one where dancing is for some reason bands.

[Max Williams]

It's a bit of a puritanical kind of mindset. That's true. In this case, the ultra conservative Taliban are the said fun police. We've heard of them. They banned Bootskashi and many other forms of entertainment, citing them as being immoral. But of course, like many things that are attempted to be suppressed, they continue to thrive.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, the ultra conservative Taliban, you know them. You know them.

[Max Williams]

You know them. You do know him.

[Noel Brown]

You do know them.

[Max Williams]

They're in the news.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, they're around. And during their rule, they bans, like you said, this sport because they found it somehow contra, you know, they fund policed it. And with the larger fall of the Taliban, the sport became popular again. There are international tournaments across Eurasia. And the Afghan government, which is not the world's most perfect government, promotes Buzkashi as a symbol of national identity. They want you to go watch a Buzkashi game.

[Max Williams]

So with that in mind, maybe we should, you know, talk about how the sport is played. Because as an American myself, I'm still a bit hazy on the rules of American football. There's something to do with downs and running in directions and count the the quarters of the game, I believe.

[Noel Brown]

And you. It's called football, but you only run it with your hands. There's a little bit of kicking one.

[Max Williams]

There's a special moment, a special time that the special boy gets to kick the special ball.

[Noel Brown]

The special boy, it's a golden foot. Shout out to Nate Bargates as well for his amazing Saturday Night Live stuff. We got a his George Washington sketch in particular. Max, the spirit has moved you well.

[Ben Bullen]

So the best way to think about downs in football is how many trench warfare. Trench warfares.

[Noel Brown]

Right. It's Napoleonic warfare.

[Max Williams]

Okay.

[Noel Brown]

Okay.

[Ben Bullen]

It basically you get like four tries to move the line and then once you've moved the line, they make a new line and stuff like that. It's trench warfare.

[Max Williams]

Okay. Hey, you know what, Max? I'm sorry I was poo pooing you there. That is actually the best description of it in a way that I can understand from a historical level being, you know, history podcast nerds.

[Ben Bullen]

I try to bridge the gap between being a history nerd and a sports nerd.

[Max Williams]

Do it with a plum.

[Ben Bullen]

I try. I have the benefit of having a lot of non sport host in my family and my Friend group.

[Max Williams]

Thank you, Max.

[Noel Brown]

You brought the word sport.

[Max Williams]

Yeah, I said it first. Now.

[Noel Brown]

I said, brought it back. I said, brought it back.

[Max Williams]

I think that's a British thing, and it's maybe even Australian, because they'll even say if someone's a news reporter, they'll call them newsos. And if someone is a musician, they call them musos.

[Noel Brown]

And if someone goes to McDonald's, they call it maccas.

[Max Williams]

That's weird. No, I think you're talking about Paul McCartney there.

[Noel Brown]

Is that what they call him? I think some maca.

[Max Williams]

They just call him macca. People call Paul McCartney Macca. It's a thing.

[Noel Brown]

You got to put sir on it, though. Australia, you're part of the Commonwealth.

[Max Williams]

Put some respect on his name. Oh, speaking of which, sorry to interrupt. Did you see that King Charles recently did a diplomatic visit to Australia and an indigenous member of the Australia, whatever equivalent of Congress protested very loudly and said, colonizer, give us back what you stole. And all this stuff we don't. And I can't remember her name. I love this person because she even said they have to take an oath to the king, to the royal family. And she said, I did not swear fealty to the Queen's heirs. When I said the oath, I said, her hairs.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, yes, I did read about that.

[Max Williams]

Freaking absolute, like, I ninja level.

[Noel Brown]

I didn't know the name. Yeah, it's up with throwing a shoe at an American politician to claim that.

[Max Williams]

You are not beholden to your oath because you said hairs instead of heirs.

[Noel Brown]

So the indigenous senator was Lydia, or is Lydia Thorpe? T H O R P E that this one? I read the headline, but I did not know the name. And with that, your point about hairs? H A I R S versus brilliance. H E I R S. I don't think that's the parkour we're looking for.

[Max Williams]

No, not today. But you gotta admit, though, with an Australian accent, you could very easily kind of blur the line between as and has, you know, I'm just saying you could do it.

[Noel Brown]

Shout out Robin Thicke.

[Max Williams]

Indeed. In the thick of it. So, yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to derail this. I think it was worth it. No, perfect. Let's talk about what doth abuzz. Team make see Gladiator 2 only in theaters November 22nd.

[Noel Brown]

This film delivers thrilling action, a compelling story, emotionally charged performances, and spectacle on a scale unlike anything else.

[Max Williams]

Only Ridley Scott could pull off a cinematic marvel at this scale. With sweeping storytelling and relentless action, Gladiator 2 stands out in the modern cinematic landscape. With its immersive visuals, incredible score and a gripping character driven narrative, the film stars an extraordinary cast including Paul Mescal, Pedro Pascal, Denzel Washington and Connie Nielsen. Reprising her role as Lucilla. The fate of Rome rests on an uneasy alliance between Lucius and Macrinus who need each other to further their ambitions.

[Noel Brown]

Gladiator 2 is a complex political chess game, action packed revenge story with a beating emotional core.

[Max Williams]

You'll be on the edge of your seat as you experience the unexpected twists and turns throughout the film.

[Noel Brown]

Get ready for an epic, immersive, visceral experience made for the big screen.

[Max Williams]

See Gladiator 2 only in theaters on November 22nd.

[Noel Brown]

Don't miss it.

[Austin James]

Hey, it's Austin James. If you're like me, trying to live your best life while living with diabetes, you can relate to worrying if you're doing a good job managing your diabetes. I use the freestyle Libre 3 sensor to get real time glucose readings and see the impact of every meal and activity to make better decisions. The Freestyle Libre 3 sensor can help me live life with diabetes on my own terms and it gives me more time for the things I love, like being a dad and a musician. Now this is progress. Learn more @freestylelibre us for prescription only.

[Noel Brown]

Safety info found @freestylelibre us this episode of Ridiculous History is brought to you by ebay Motors.

[Max Williams]

Picture this. You're in the garage, your favorite room in the house, and you're tuning up your engine with parts you found on ebay. Every piece is just locking perfectly into place.

[Noel Brown]

You step back to admire your work, hands covered in grease. And because you're committed to driving that thing further than the odometer can even handle, you start thinking to yourself, you know what?

[Max Williams]

I could probably also use some new brakes, some shocks and struts. This baby deserves a new air filter.

[Noel Brown]

So you head right back to ebay.

[Max Williams]

You can find any part you need there. It is unreal. From wipers and headlights to cold air intakes, exhaust systems, and even that turbo you had on your mind, Ebay is.

[Noel Brown]

The stocked garage of your dreams. And you've got ebay guaranteed fit.

[Max Williams]

Because eBay knows DIY fixes can be major and mods are always intense, so you need to know those parts are guaranteed to fit every time before you dive in.

[Noel Brown]

Wrench first and in the off chance you order a part and it doesn't fit, send it back. Simple as that.

[Max Williams]

You know what you love more than your car itself is driving it. You're serious when it comes to engine maintenance and locked in when you're headed into a build.

[Noel Brown]

And that's exactly why you start with ebay. Minor fix or complete overhaul? You want to get your ride back on the road, and you've got ebay Guaranteed fit.

[Max Williams]

So ebay created my garage, where all you have to do is add your ride's info to get the exact parts that fit. When you see that green check, you're a click away from that part, clicking perfectly into place.

[Noel Brown]

So now that you know all that.

[Max Williams]

Imagine standing at that open garage door looking at that car you love more than anything, knowing that anything is possible, whether it's keeping it on the road forever or turning it into something that's never been on the road before.

[Noel Brown]

Because with ebay, your garage just got a whole lot bigger.

[Max Williams]

Get all the parts you need at prices you'll love. Guaranteed to fit every time.

[Noel Brown]

Ebay Things people love.

[Max Williams]

You've heard a million mattress ads, but this one is different. Why? Because Naturepedic is different.

[Noel Brown]

While most mattresses are packed with fiberglass, polyurethane foam and toxic chemical flame retardants, Naturepedic certified organic mattresses and bedding are made with cotton, latex wool. The good stuff.

[Max Williams]

And here's something even more unique. Naturepedic offers fully customizable mattress options.

[Noel Brown]

You can choose the feel that's just right for you, whether it's firm, plush or firm on one side and plush on the other. And even switch it up years later if your sleep needs change.

[Max Williams]

With options for baby and kids too, the whole family can sleep healthier this holiday season.

[Noel Brown]

Ridiculous History listeners can score Naturepedic's biggest deal of the year and get 20% off site wide plus a free pillow with any [e-mail] ridiculous.

[Max Williams]

Don't settle for hidden chemicals where you sleep. Use code [e-mail] ridiculous to save better sleep awaits. This episode of Ridiculous History is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

[Noel Brown]

You know when you discover a new binge worthy show and you have to share it with your friends so they can experience just how awesome it is?

[Max Williams]

Boy do I ever been. And that's kind of what it feels like when you discover that Mint Mobile offers Premium Wireless for $15 a month when you purchase a three month plan.

[Noel Brown]

I don't know about everybody else, but I like it when things are simple. When things are easily understandable. And that's why we can endorse Mint Mobile.

[Max Williams]

Yeah, when things just work. That's what Mint Mobile does. It just works. And it works at a great bargain.

[Noel Brown]

Use your own Phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts.

[Max Williams]

To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month. Go to mintmobile.com ridiculous.

[Noel Brown]

That's mint mobile.com ridiculous. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com ridiculous.

[Max Williams]

$45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first three months plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan.

[Noel Brown]

Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Yeah, we want to hip you to this because we don't want you to be stuck like some of us out in Ireland watching a game of cricket and having no idea what's going on.

[Max Williams]

Is that what's happening with you right now, Ben? It looked like you were in your home. I guess it could just be a. Do you only stay in hotels in Ireland that look exactly like your living room?

[Noel Brown]

I only stay in places that look exactly like Dexter's Kill Room.

[Max Williams]

Gotcha with the plastic sheets.

[Noel Brown]

No, I'm doing human. I'm doing human stuff. I gotta poster of our other show on the back here.

[Max Williams]

I'm doing human today. So you got 10, 10 to a team, right? Or is that a hard and fast number or like.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, depends on where you go. So it's a large field, there are two teams. Each team has 10 humans and therefore 10 horses. And usually you're going to have a carcass, goat or a calf.

[Max Williams]

Often there is a carcass.

[Noel Brown]

Right, right. Or you know, some sort of symbolic representation. Right. Some kind of pig skin.

[Max Williams]

You ever been to Ikea where they have those fake like cow rugs, you know, I don't think they're actually made of cow, but they look it. You could probably rock one of those in a good old friendly game of Buzkashi.

[Noel Brown]

A good friendly game of Buzkashi. I love it. Just sew it up. Here's the gross part or the other gross part. Just for practicality. The head and the limb of this carcass are removed. The object of the game, like you said earlier, Nolte, is for a horseman to pick up the carcass from the ground and carry it to the opposing team's goal. It's like the old capture the flag game, y'all.

[Max Williams]

I've spent very little time on horseback, but just looking at it, I mean, it is a quite a distance from the top of the horse to the ground. Depending on the size of the horse.

[Noel Brown]

You have to be Good. There's a certain skill level required. There's a learning curve.

[Max Williams]

And they're not strapped in or anything. They're leaning down and just scooping this thing up off the ground. All while being pursued heavily and aggressively by other horsemen.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. Who are hitting you and hitting your horse. And there's not really a fourth down here. And I want to co sign you and cosign. Max. Max. That was an excellent explanation of US Football, especially given the science of how they make the line appear on US Football. It's. I don't want to get to how stuff works here.

[Ben Bullen]

Not to do rails, but did you hear that they this season in the NFL they plan to get rid of the chains? Like, you know.

[Noel Brown]

Yes, I did.

[Ben Bullen]

And did you hear they didn't do it. They're still there. I haven't looked into it. They're still there. They still use them?

[Noel Brown]

Of course they still do. Come on, man. Vegas has too much riding on this.

[Ben Bullen]

It's a multi billion dollar sport. And then they rely on two dudes jogging somewhat correctly, slides over and they can't put a camera angle over the goal line or anything. It's terrible.

[Noel Brown]

It's also, it's also. Oh gosh. It is the sport that is most riddled with commercials during. During playtime. Ooh, I wish you guys could see Max's face right there.

[Max Williams]

Well, I mean, it's sort of that. One thing I do understand about the nature of the way the game is played is it's played in little spurts and it is conducive to being interrupted by advertisements.

[Ben Bullen]

And now they're putting advertisements in like 30 second spots. I personally not the biggest football guy at this point in my life. I watch just NFL red zone, which is no commercial at all.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, just give me the compilations of what actually happened. That may be.

[Max Williams]

I'd rather have the compilations of the commercials.

[Noel Brown]

You know, I. I feel like we should do a history of the halftime show.

[Max Williams]

Oh boy, should we ever. I don't even know when the first one was. Dude, we're coming on with so many ideas on the fly today.

[Ben Bullen]

And just I know we're going further down this rabbit hole. One big difference between the super bowl and just regular NFL is Super bowl is all brand new ads. Almost always. Like these companies are really going all out for normal football. It is the same like 20 ads the entire season.

[Max Williams]

Bleep yourself there, Max.

[Ben Bullen]

Except for in college football where it's the same 20 ads for five years.

[Max Williams]

And they give all those dollars to the players. There in college football. Right.

[Ben Bullen]

They're starting to.

[Max Williams]

They are starting to.

[Noel Brown]

They are starting to also. I think you earned it. Max with the facts.

[Max Williams]

Who's that sneaking in the phone? It's Max and he's full of knowledge. Just for you right now. Here he comes. He's Max with the facts. Yeah, give it to him.

[Noel Brown]

So for a live audience member of Buzkashi, you'll see it's a long event. The game is generally divided into two 45 minute periods. There's a 15 minute break in between. And to your earlier question, Noel, there are no codified rules about how the game is played. It can be pretty rough. We described how the players are hitting each other, pushing each other. You can't have a weapon. You know what I mean? You can't just stab some guy.

[Max Williams]

No, but they do have these riding crops that they are absolutely spanking the other players. Okay, well, hockey kind of a weapon.

[Noel Brown]

Hockey players have hockey sticks.

[Max Williams]

That's true. This thing is more like a blackjack though, or like what do they call it in the uk A truck.

[Noel Brown]

And the witty teeth, of course, is the one that gets the most goals.

[Max Williams]

And you get to take the carcass home. Is that part of your winnings?

[Noel Brown]

It depends on where you're playing.

[Max Williams]

Okay, fair.

[Noel Brown]

And I guess it's a tenderized corpse at that point. Right. It's more than a sport. Like we said, it's a symbol of national identity. You play it during important holidays celebrations. It's considered a tradition. Kind of the way that baseball is considered an American tradition. Right. We all love going to the ball game.

[Max Williams]

It's as Afghanistan y as a severed headed goat carcass.

[Noel Brown]

Right, right. Or also Afghan cuisine is pretty good. I wonder what their equivalent of apple pie is.

[Max Williams]

Yeah, probably goat pie. I'm kidding. I don't know. I would eat that, by the way. And I love goat. The only issue. Have you ever had Caribbean food that.

[Noel Brown]

Has goats and bones?

[Max Williams]

They don't bone them very well.

[Noel Brown]

They're not a bone.

[Max Williams]

No, you can do better. I mean, sorry, maybe it's just tradition, but I have often found like deadly shards of bone in Caribbean goat dishes. Not so in like Indian goat dishes or Bangladeshi goat dishes. They clean it much more precisely.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, yeah. And this another point. Maybe this ends up being part one of part one. But the another point on what is American culture? When you hear the phrase American is apple pie, people, please remember apples come from Kazakhstan. We're fun at parties.

[Max Williams]

But apple pie, Ben, comes from America.

[Noel Brown]

Does it? Oh, I feel like someone figured out pie first.

[Max Williams]

I think I saw an episode of one of those Gordon Ramsay shows where he humiliates people with terrible restaurants or hotels. He went to the inn that was failing, of course. That was supposedly the place where apple pie was invented.

[Noel Brown]

Really? Yeah.

[Max Williams]

Sort of like the Caesar salad was invented by. In Mexico City, I want to say by a chef at a particular hotel.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. Unrelated to the Greco Roman. Yeah.

[Max Williams]

It took me years to realize that.

[Noel Brown]

Unrelated.

[Max Williams]

Always assumed it was Julius favorite salad.

[Noel Brown]

I think he got. I don't think that guy even invented getting stabbed by a bunch of your friends.

[Max Williams]

Oh, they've been stabbing for generations before Julius came along.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. We could do a history of apples. I think a history of stabbing is too much.

[Max Williams]

Oh, no, Ben. The apple pie originated in England.

[Noel Brown]

The apple pie did the apple pie, it says. But the apples are from Kazakhstan. The idea of making it a piece made it all the way from the steps.

[Max Williams]

It was developed from culinary influences from France. It is, of course, French pastry. And the Netherlands and even the Ottoman Empire. It's not American at all.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, my gosh. This is like when you see a T shirt. This is made in the USA with materials from.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. Oh, I like that. I haven't seen that, but I'm sorry. This is how I feel about truck nuts.

[Noel Brown]

I. Who are we to judge?

[Max Williams]

We are we to judge?

[Noel Brown]

All right. All right. Well, this is also. Buzkashi is a way the public to judge Afghan men. All the Buzkashi players are male. This is a way for them to judge bravery, horsemanship, physical prowess, as we mentioned at the beginning. And a lot of kids, you know, like in that movie Bend it, like Beckham. A lot of kids in the area grow up dreaming of becoming notable Buzkashi players. And it is not uncommon for families to put a lot of money into, you know, getting the right equipment, finding the best horse, finding the best muskashi mentor for your child.

[Max Williams]

Well, as we know, many know, at least the degenerate gamblers among us know a big part about knowing how to bet on horse races is knowing the abilities, the weaknesses, the vulnerabilities, how long a particular horse has been racing. All of that stuff really matters. So, yeah, that would honestly be just as, if not more important than the physicality of the player.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, 100% agreed. Because the horses are kind of doing the real work. Right.

[Max Williams]

But I mean, you know, there is physicality involved in the players. 100%, you know, much more so than horse racing or I would say, I mean, polos, you know certainly involves some precision, but they are bending down, putting their lives at risk to be. To be having their faces trampled, to whip this rug off the. Off the dirt.

[Noel Brown]

You know, we're so into this right now that we know there are a lot of problems with Buzkashi, but it is fascinating. And together we found quite a few parallels to other sports. So much so that I think we might have to save. Well, what do you think? I think we have to save our next one for a future episode for a part two. A part one. Pocahontas, the Ball game.

[Max Williams]

It's true. And I agree with you, Ben. I think Buzkashi captured all three of our imaginations and we went on a little bit more about it than we expected. And we do have another kind of deeper dive into that other sport that you mentioned, Ben. But for now, let's just rattle through a few fun candidates and trivia on some other bizarre sports that are a little more nugget like.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, yeah, okay.

[Max Williams]

Bite sized.

[Noel Brown]

Yes, yes. Purposeful. Two parter. Oh, man, I'm so excited that we're talking about this on air finally. I feel like you and I have mentioned this on previous shows, but together we learned. I think the same video went viral and we both saw it or something. But we learned there is another kind of equestrian sport called hobby horsing.

[Max Williams]

I'm pretending to ride a horse. Daddy, look at me. Look at me leap. It's basically just jumping over hurdles carrying a stuffed animal.

[Noel Brown]

But they're, you know, they're riding it like a broom or I guess a horse. Like the Buzkashi. There are no limbs attached.

[Max Williams]

There's a stick that goes betwixt the legs. So you are sort of mounting something.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's riding a hobby horse, which I don't think is. Are hobby horses still a popular toy?

[Max Williams]

I would say not popular. They are more of the vintage variety. You think about them as like the kind of present a kid in the 1800s would get.

[Noel Brown]

Like tiddlywinks or something. I can't remember when tiddlywinks came around.

[Max Williams]

Hey, man, don't malign tiddlywinks. Tiddlywinks are the precursor to pogs. Remember pugs?

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, sure you do remember pugs. Yeah. I'm still bullish on pogs. Heavily invested.

[Max Williams]

Heavily invested.

[Noel Brown]

This sounds like a sketch you would see. And I think you should leave.

[Max Williams]

I'm getting out of crypto and putting everything into pogs, baby.

[Noel Brown]

Right? So we are describing this accurately. Hobby horsing. Involves riding the imaginary horse over obstacles.

[Max Williams]

Do you have to bang coconuts together while you're doing this or you have somebody following behind you, Perhaps your valentine. Yeah.

[Noel Brown]

And I guess we shouldn't denigrate it too hard. We're outsiders from that culture. But we can say it does take physical prowess for sure.

[Max Williams]

But it is more just like basically hurdles. Like it's sort of a triathlon, a track and field thing, whilst clutching this weird toy between your legs. And I will say, you know, we're mocking it a little bit, but if you watch the video that Ben you linked to, everyone's kind of smiling and laughing in the audience. It does appear that there is a wink, wink knowingness to how goofy this whole thing comes off.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. And it's wholesome. You see it in Scandinavia, right? Nobody is being hateful. And I'm glad we're pointing out that we're not necessarily disparaging this sport. We get why, we get why it's a grin worthy thing. But let's also be honest, a lot of us listening tonight could not do the same obstacle course as the hobby horsers.

[Max Williams]

Oh, hell no. It's tough.

[Noel Brown]

Is that the right word? Hobby horsers?

[Max Williams]

Hobby horsers, yeah.

[Noel Brown]

I think equestrians.

[Max Williams]

You know what? I don't. No, I think equestrian requires a live animal. I think we should reserve that term for sentient beings.

[Noel Brown]

There's a live.

[Max Williams]

See Gladiator 2 only in theaters November 22nd.

[Noel Brown]

This film delivers thrilling action, a compelling story, emotionally charged performances and spectacle on a scale unlike anything else.

[Max Williams]

Only Ridley Scott could pull off a cinematic marvel at this scale. With sweeping storytelling and relentless action, Gladiator 2 stands out in the modern cinematic landscape. With its immersive visuals, incredible score and a gripping character driven narrative. The film stars an extraordinary cast including Paul Mezcal, Pedro Pascal, Denzel Washington and Connie Nielsen. Reprising her role as Lucilla. The fate of Rome rests on an uneasy alliance between Lucius and Macrinus who need each other to further their ambitions.

[Noel Brown]

Gladiator 2 is a complex political chess game, action packed revenge story with a beating emotional core.

[Max Williams]

You'll be on the edge of your seat as you experience the unexpected twists and turns throughout the film.

[Noel Brown]

Get ready for an epic, immersive, visceral experience made for the big screen.

[Max Williams]

See Gladiator 2 only in theaters on November 22nd.

[Noel Brown]

Don't miss it.

[Austin James]

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[Max Williams]

Offer available for people who qualify.

[Joy Hardin Bradford]

Visit MyFreestyle US to see all terms and conditions.

[Max Williams]

Certain exclusions apply.

[Joy Hardin Bradford]

Data ON FILE Abbott Diabetes Care for prescription only Safety info found @freestylelibre us.

[Noel Brown]

This episode of Ridiculous History is brought to you by ebay Motors.

[Max Williams]

Picture this. You're in the garage, your favorite room in the house, and you're tuning up your engine with parts you found on ebay. Every piece is just locking perfectly into place.

[Noel Brown]

You step back to admire your work, hands covered in grease. And because you're committed to driving that thing further than the odometer can even handle, you start thinking to yourself, you know what?

[Max Williams]

I could probably also use some new brakes, some shocks and struts. This baby deserves a new air filter.

[Noel Brown]

So you head right back to ebay.

[Max Williams]

You can find any part you need there. It is unreal. From wipers and headlights to cold air intakes, exhaust systems, and even that turbo you had on your mind.

[Noel Brown]

Ebay is the stocked garage of your dreams. And you've got ebay guaranteed fit.

[Max Williams]

Because eBay knows DIY fixes can be major and mods are always intense, so you need to know those parts are guaranteed to fit every time before you dive in.

[Noel Brown]

Wrench first, and in the off chance you order a part and it doesn't fit, send it back. Simple as that.

[Max Williams]

You know what you love more than your car itself is driving it. You're serious when it comes to engine maintenance and locked in when you're headed into a build.

[Noel Brown]

And that's exactly why you start with ebay. Minor fix or complete overhaul. You want to get your ride back on the road, and you've got ebay guaranteed fit.

[Max Williams]

So ebay created my garage, where all you have to do is add your ride's info to get the exact parts that fit. When you see that green check, you're a click away from that part, clicking perfectly into place.

[Noel Brown]

So now that you know all that.

[Max Williams]

Imagine standing at that open garage door looking at that car you love more than anything, knowing that anything is possible, whether it's keeping it on the road forever or turning it into something that's never been on the road before.

[Noel Brown]

Because with ebay, your garage just got a whole lot bigger.

[Max Williams]

Get all the parts you need at prices you'll love. Guaranteed to fit every time ebay Things people love. You've heard a million mattress ads, but this one is different. Why? Because Naturepedic is different.

[Noel Brown]

While most mattresses are packed with fiberglass, polyurethane foam and toxic chemical flame retardants, Naturepedic certified organic mattresses and bedding are made with cotton, latex wool. The good stuff.

[Max Williams]

And here's something even more unique. Naturepedic offers fully customizable mattress options.

[Noel Brown]

You can choose the feel that's just right for you, whether it's firm, plush or firm on one side and plush on the other, and even switch it up years later if your sleep needs change.

[Max Williams]

With options for baby and kids too, the whole family can sleep healthier this holiday season.

[Noel Brown]

Ridiculous History listeners can score Naturepedic's biggest deal of the year and get 20% off site wide plus a free pillow with any [e-mail] ridiculous.

[Max Williams]

Don't settle for hidden chemicals where you sleep. Use code [e-mail] ridiculous to save better sleep awaits with new home Internet plus from t mobile Get Internet right where.

[Noel Brown]

You want it and thanks to the included WiFi mesh access point, you can boost your connection to places it hasn't reached before. The thing I love about Home Internet plus is being able to have the same service outside of your house, like in your yard.

[Max Williams]

It even includes 24. 7 interactive video assistance to help set up all your smart devices.

[Noel Brown]

And t mobile 5G Internet keeps getting better. With a new away plan, your connection goes beyond the home, giving you the freedom to stream, work and play wherever the call of adventure leads you.

[Max Williams]

Now get a free upgrade to T Mobile Home Internet Plus While supplies last.

[Noel Brown]

Home Internet plus starts at 50 bucks a month with autopay and any voice line.

[Max Williams]

Check availability@t mobile.com home Internet and get Internet right where you want it.

[Noel Brown]

During congestion, customers on this plan may notice speeds lower than other customers and further reduction if using greater than 1.2 terabytes per month due to data prioritization.

[Max Williams]

After $20 bill credit plus $5 per month without autopay, debit or bank account required.

[Noel Brown]

Regulatory fees included for qualifying accounts. $35 connection charge applies. You and I have been to England at some point, but we've never gone as a group. Have you ever heard of this? Next thing, I'm on the fence about whether this should be a sport. And I'd love our sport expert Max to weigh in too. After you explain what this is.

[Max Williams]

Cover your shins, boys. Shin kicking. That's what it is. It's exactly what it sounds like started in the 17th century in England simply involves two grown men kicking each other in the shins until one of them falls to the ground in pain.

[Noel Brown]

Is it like something that started at a bar? The way the Guinness Book of World Records.

[Max Williams]

Have you guys heard the controversy around these professional slap fighting events? Yes, people are getting like brain bleeds and stuff. I mean, it is gnarly if you've ever seen this guys, or ridiculous historians out there as well. It is a UFC esque kind of sport that's covered in that same way, with that same level of extreme intensity where there are two opponents face off against each other and open handedly slap each other in the face. On the face, on the face with an open palm until one of them falls out. So I would say shin kicking. God. You ever been. You ever bored? They call it barking your shins. Yes, it hurts.

[Noel Brown]

It's because the bone is so close to the skin.

[Max Williams]

100%. This would suck. What psychotic sadomasochist came up with this nonsense?

[Noel Brown]

You know how people get.

[Max Williams]

They suck. People suck.

[Noel Brown]

I don't know. I'm bullish on people. I see them as the pogs of evolution.

[Max Williams]

I'm taking all my crypto and investing in people.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, right.

[Max Williams]

Wait a minute. I think they already tried that. I think it got canceled.

[Noel Brown]

So, okay, so there were probably. The history is unclear, but there were probably a couple of guys who got into clog fighting or purring as it's called sometimes. Yeah, there was probably some guy who barked his shin, as you say, and some other dude was like, oh, you got weak shins. And he said, I don't have weak shins.

[Max Williams]

Guess you ain't got no weak shins, governor. I'll prove it. Give you a swift kicking his shins.

[Noel Brown]

You get outside now.

[Max Williams]

But you can't kick me shins. I'll kick his shins.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, I went Australia there. Sorry, Oz.

[Max Williams]

Well, next thing you know, it's a shin kickoff. You know, it's just back and forth. It never ends. When does the violin end?

[Noel Brown]

Guy comes up and watches.

[Max Williams]

It's a cycle of abuse.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. Okay, so we have to go to Max. Max, is shin kicking a sport or should it be considered such.

[Max Williams]

Is it even cool?

[Ben Bullen]

So all I'm thinking about is the movie Dodgeball, which is an all time banger.

[Max Williams]

It's a fun movie.

[Ben Bullen]

Most of his aged fine. Some of it has aged poorly. I will say sure.

[Max Williams]

But the south park guys were always equal opportunity if offenders. So I bet you it's within their Wheelhouse. But maybe is it worse?

[Ben Bullen]

There's some stuff that's bad and there's just this one particular line which is like, oh my God, that was not fine when they said that. And it's so much worse now. Anyways, to digress, I mean that movie is just a hilarious non stop amount of ridiculousness. And best thing is like the best joke of all time is ESPN the Ocho. It was like ESPN8 where played all the obscure stuff and there's a super cut of stuff beforehand. And one of the sports they show that's on on the outro is two dudes just whipping each other and that's what this feels like. So yeah, it's ESPN the Ocho level stuff. So yeah, it's a sport. NASCAR is a sport. If poker is a sport, we can call shin kicking a sport.

[Noel Brown]

All right. Okay. That's the word.

[Max Williams]

Would probably argue it's not around on a professional level.

[Noel Brown]

I am so glad you asked because in 2024, shin kicking, the World Shin Kicking Championships returned to the Cotswold Olympics spelled O L I M P I.

[Max Williams]

C K S. We have Olympics at home, kids.

[Noel Brown]

Right. So it's pretty brutal. It reminds me of the Key and Peele slap hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sketch. So this is. This is pretty insane. These people are hurting their legs. If you are.

[Max Williams]

Are they allowed to wear shin guards? Surely not.

[Noel Brown]

I think at some point there was straw padding. Yeah. You have to wear soft shoes now. People used to wear steel toed boots which probably broke some legs. And you have to stuff the legs of your trousers with straw.

[Max Williams]

So it's sort of meant to be a throwbacky, old timey sort of traditional type sport. Right. It would seem if they're employing woolens and straw.

[Noel Brown]

You know, there's so many rules. Right. Like you obviously can't hit someone in the face. You have to just hit their shins. And I imagine you have to just because it's in the name. You can only kick their shins. Yeah.

[Max Williams]

And then of course there's a sister sport, ass kicking.

[Noel Brown]

Right, Right.

[Max Williams]

Which is, you know, you got some built in padding there or you can just shove a phone book down your pantaloons.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, we've all been there. We also haven't been to. Oh, I think it was Halloween being on our minds recently. That. Because we are. Spoiler. This is coming out after Halloween, but we're recording it on October 31st. Yeah. Giants Pumpkin kayaking.

[Max Williams]

Okay. See, I didn't look into this one yet. So I'm Going to go ahead. Is it literally a giant pumpkin that is hollowed out and turned into a sea faring vessel?

[Noel Brown]

Water resistant vessel.

[Max Williams]

Oh, I see.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. This is a recent one. Since 1999 in Windsor, Nova Scotia, people get giant pumpkins and they join the Windsor Pumpkin Regatta. And this is for. This is more like British baking show, you know what I mean?

[Max Williams]

So they're all really nice and kind to each other and help each other out when their pumpkins spring a leak.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, they're. They're having a ball, you know what I mean? They're not throwing around a dead carcass. They're not kicking. Doing the pumpkin version of shin kicking. It's a wholesome one. And I think maybe that's where we end. Unless you want to mention one more pumpkin sport which will be very familiar to longtime fans of all our shows.

[Max Williams]

You mean pumpkin chunking?

[Noel Brown]

I do, yes.

[Max Williams]

Punk and chunking.

[Noel Brown]

Yes, yes.

[Max Williams]

I only heard about this recently and I didn't even really bother following up on what it was I just heard there's punkin chunking going on. I'm like, that seems delightfully seasonal. I don't think. I know. Is it literally just like. Is it like, what's that game? Cornhole, but with pumpkins.

[Noel Brown]

Well, have you ever thought I should build a trebuchet?

[Max Williams]

Only every day when I wake up in the morning, Ben.

[Noel Brown]

Right. That's what keeps you going. Right? Do I sleep?

[Max Williams]

And the fact that I never do it is the only thing that keeps me going. I'm aspiring to it. Once I accomplish it, my work is done.

[Noel Brown]

Punkin chunkin is this idea. Yeah. You don't need a. You don't need a trebuchet necessarily.

[Max Williams]

It's chucking, though. It's not chunking, it's chucking.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. And the idea is creating your own device. A catapult, a slingshot, a trebuchet to shoot or chuck a pumpkin as far as you can. And way back in the day, too many years ago now, we were owned by a company called Discovery. Discovery.

[Max Williams]

They're having a bit of trouble these days.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. And they had a show called Punkin Chunkin.

[Max Williams]

Oh, they did.

[Noel Brown]

I think we can say this now. Enough time has passed. Every podcast that was around at the time had to do an episode about punkin Chunkin.

[Max Williams]

That must have been where I heard about it for the first time.

[Noel Brown]

Pumpkin chucking.

[Max Williams]

Chucking.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah.

[Max Williams]

But like, you know, colloquially, they do sometimes refer to it as Punkin Chunkin, so. But then, you know, this reminds me of. It's almost like the Pinewood Derby, you know, where it's a technological challenge, I guess it showcases the pumpkins, and you probably want a big fatty that splats real nice. But. But basically you're being judged on your ability to engineer a thing that throws another thing as far as possible, which is engineering.

[Noel Brown]

Did you ever do Pinewood Derby?

[Max Williams]

I did. I did.

[Noel Brown]

Nice.

[Max Williams]

And I don't think I did very well. And all I remember from those days is like, I can't remember. Maybe you can answer this. Is it illegal to put coins? To put weights? Well. Cause I know people did it, and I may have done it, but now thinking back on it, I'm like, asking myself, was that against the regulations?

[Noel Brown]

Well, it's kind of like, are you playing Buzkashi in Kyrgyzstan or in Kazakhstan? You know, the.

[Max Williams]

This was in Georgia.

[Noel Brown]

Okay.

[Max Williams]

Just the state.

[Noel Brown]

Just to be clear, it's a. Because it's a Cub Scout thing, right?

[Max Williams]

It was a Cub Scout thing.

[Noel Brown]

Okay. So when I was playing this, I knew that some places would let you do wait, and then some other places would say, no. It is entirely on how you whittle the block.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. It does say here in Scout Life magazine that you can also use fishing weights or coins to add additional weight to your. Okay, so, hey, that's the official. It's a dot org, Ben. It's a dot org. Okay. It's gotta be legit.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah.

[Max Williams]

They don't just give those to anybody. You gotta be an org.

[Noel Brown]

The world record for pumpkin chucking stands at, I think, 5,000, 545.43ft. So for the rest of the world.

[Max Williams]

For every meters, is that.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, everybody outside of the US and Namibia, I think that's 1,690 and a quarter meters. Ben, that's a hot take.

[Max Williams]

Hot take from you here. What's your perspective? What's your opinion on the metric system? For it or against it?

[Noel Brown]

Oh, for it.

[Max Williams]

Yeah. Same.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah.

[Max Williams]

What are we. What are we on about here in America? I don't get it. It doesn't make sense.

[Noel Brown]

Well, yards and football, you know, we got the point, though.

[Max Williams]

It's. There's no rhyme or reason to it. We just sort of use it as. I don't know, just.

[Noel Brown]

We should make up our own thing at this point. No notches. There you go, Ben Bounds.

[Max Williams]

I see you're better at this, Matt.

[Noel Brown]

Max. We gotta give Max one max.

[Max Williams]

Well, a max could be a weight unit. It's like a stone, you know, one max. I weigh 15 max.

[Noel Brown]

Max is nodding in approval. I know. The weather's on top of you, man. Did you ever play Pinewood Derby or participate in.

[Ben Bullen]

Oh, God, so many. I think until recently, my dad had a Pinewood Derby track in his attic. We. Yeah, no, we were big, big proponents of it, but, yeah, you could put weight on it, but it had to weigh a specific weight. And then I think, like, you know, they roll it on the track thing, make sure it had the correct clearance.

[Max Williams]

Clearance, exactly. Yeah. But I. I remember using quarters and hot glue. But, guys, do you think there's, like, anybody that has, like, some sort of, like, secret, like dad's club or whatever, or parents club, where they bet on the Pinewood Derby?

[Noel Brown]

100%. Are you kidding?

[Max Williams]

If there's a thing with a winner, someone's betting on it. Yes. Yeah. And I imagine we didn't talk about it. It probably could be an episode. You know what we should do? A history of betting.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah.

[Max Williams]

A history of gambling. How have we not done. That's amazing. We have come up with literally three rock solid ideas. But, yeah, I bet sports betting on Buzkashi is. Is a thing.

[Noel Brown]

Is.

[Max Williams]

Is.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, you. You bet? You want to bet?

[Max Williams]

I. Yeah, let's do it.

[Noel Brown]

All right, A quid.

[Max Williams]

I'll bet you a quid.

[Noel Brown]

I'll. I'll bet you one Noel Knuckle.

[Max Williams]

I'll raise you one, Max.

[Noel Brown]

All right, all right, all right. With that, we have some hot action, as they say on the strip. Right?

[Max Williams]

Yeah.

[Noel Brown]

So we are going to call it a day. Thank you so much for tuning in, folks. We cannot wait to explore more. Let's now say ridiculous lesser known sports.

[Max Williams]

We gotta change the name of the show.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Max Williams]

Slightly unusual history.

[Noel Brown]

There we go. Oh, geez. Well, big, big thanks to our super producer, Our resident sporto, Mr. Max Williams. Big, big thanks to our number one, Buzkashi Carcass, Jonathan Strickland, AKA the Quister.

[Max Williams]

Indeed, huge thanks to Christopher Haciotis and Eve's Jack, Jeff Coats. Here in spirit, Alex Williams, who composed our theme. And also to AJ Bahamas Jacobs, the Puzzler.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, who just won an award, by the way.

[Max Williams]

Yeah, it's like the potties.

[Noel Brown]

For his podcast, the Puzzler. You can check out. You can check out various episodes where we're hanging with aj, Just the nicest guy. And Packerjack. Right. And big, big thanks, of course, as well, to Rachel Big Spinach Lance, to Gabe Lousier, to our pals at ridiculous crime and all the rude dudes over there. One odd sport we didn't put in. Toe wrestling. Do you know that's a thing?

[Max Williams]

Yeah, but I don't know, man. That's a little inappropriate for that Feels.

[Noel Brown]

Like something a creep made up, right?

[Max Williams]

Exactly. It's like it's just an excuse to get free feet pics.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. Don't get Tarantino, folks. Thanks for tuning in.

[Max Williams]

We'll see you next time, folks. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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