Unnamed Host (2:34)

Hey folks, it's Kevin in Bangkok again. And I'm still having the time of my life and it's still loud and crazy here. I think you're in very good hands today with today's episode being hosted by our own Taj Easton. So without further ado, here is Taj. Hi, it's Taj.

Kevin (3:04)

Here's the show. Hi everybody. This is Rising, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Taj Easton. Kevin is in Thailand and you're also listening to the sensual and delicious sounds of Rafter. This is one of our conversation story episodes where someone tells a story to either me or Kevin and we chat about it. Simple as that. Do you like that we've been doing these, by the way. Will you please tell me if you do or if you don't? If you just want to give us some encourage, which helps because life is hard. But seriously, we want to know, do you like it? Do you not like it? Do you want us to do something totally different and wild? Do you have an idea that we would like switch to becoming like a sports podcast or something? We might not go for it, but truly this is a collaborative process where we are all creating together the kind of show we want to have and we will genuinely take in your words and reflect on them and maybe change something about what we're doing. Or maybe we will go in a self loathing downward spiral of contempt and resentment, but that's not that likely. We got pretty thick skin over here. You can reach out at the Risk Podcast Fans discussion group on Facebook post on the R Risk R dash R Risk podcast subreddit. I know that sounds like a joke. It's not a joke. R dash slash dash risk slash. But one of them is like slash spelled out and the other is a slash. I do not see the value in me saying it like that. So just find it on your own. Or you can email Kevin directly@Kevinrisk-show.com today we're sharing a story that David Arroyo told Kevin about his relationship to his weight. Now this is clearly an incredibly complicated and potentially very emotional topic. So I want you to be aware that we're going to be hearing some pretty unfiltered and raw discussions about people's bodies. And I know that could be incredibly raw for some people. So if that's not what you're into right now, Maybe listen to something else. Most importantly, I want to stress that we are in no way wanting to prescribe what is healthy or not or judge anyone's relationship to their body. If at any point it sounds like these guys are suggesting that, for example, losing weight is good and not spending time exercising or dieting is bad, I believe neither Kevin nor David would feel they had effectively communicated their positions, opinions, or their responses to the immeasurably devastating reality of the widespread, normalized sizeist prejudice of American culture. Mostly, I want you to know that your body is beautiful, that you are beautiful. We want more than anything on this show to encourage you to know that and to know that whatever you might be going through, you're not alone. It's fucking rough out there, people. So please, take care of yourself, take care of the people around you, and if you've got something you want to say, we're here to listen. Assuming you're here to listen to something other than my monologuing, here's David Arroyo and Kevin now with the story we call Big Guy.

David Arroyo (7:47)

So it's about seven years ago, I just gotten married, and we went on a honeymoon to California. My wife was a big Harry Potter fan. Obviously that's changed since then, but, yeah, so she was a huge Harry Potter fan. So we immediately went to Universal Studios, you know, Wizarding World, I think it's called. That's the main thing we want to do. So we go there, you know, we're having a good time, and we go to go to the first roller coaster we're on there. We're in line. I get onto the seat there, and as I'm sitting down, they're going to pull the harness down on me for security, right? So they're pulling it down. I'm noticing the guy's having, like, a hard time pushing on my body, right? And so I'm trying to help him. I'm pulling it down, he's pushing, he's struggling. I'm pulling it down, you know, and I'm thinking to myself, you know, I'm fine, you know, because I'm like. I think I was around 260 at the time. And I'm going like, oh, there's plenty of guys I've seen in the park that huge, bigger than me. So I'm not really that concerned. So he's pushing and pulling, he's pushing and pulling. And finally I hear the click. I go like, oh, I'm good. I'm totally good. I'm fine. And I look at the guy and I Say, like, hey, man, it's cool. I heard the click. We're good to go. And he looks at me and he just says, like, I'm sorry, sir, we need to have a minimum of 3 clicks for you to get on the ride. And he goes, you have to get off the ride. So I immediately, like, feel like, this complete shame and sadness. And I just run out of the ride. And my wife is still on the roller coaster. She hasn't taken her harness off. She's trying to. And then I see her being pulled away by the roller coaster and just her going, no. You know, so I immediately go to sit down and I start to cry. You know, I start to cry, and I'm thinking to myself, like, I'm not fat because I'm lazy or because I'm, like, really into food. I'm fat because I'm loved by food. Because growing up, you know, I grew up in a really kind of, like, tense household. Like, thinking back, I think my father definitely had bipolar disorder because he would just go off on these, like, tantrums and, like, throw these, like, huge rages and stuff. And he believed in, like, the belt as, like, a discipline for his child. And, I mean, to this day, when I think of my father screaming my name, it just sends shivers down my spine. Like, that's how ingrained it was, you know? And my mom, on the other hand, she would kind of gaslight me, you know, so if I said something like, you know, I really feel that's, like, being a lot. Or like, you know, I really don't want to do this. I feel really uncomfortable. And she was a girl like, well, you know, you're just being ungrateful. You're being like, you know, we do so much for you, and, like, you're complaining. Like, you should be grateful for what you have right now. Because if not, there's people outside in the world who are suffering, who don't have a, you know, they can eat and blah, blah. I mean, it wasn't just my parents that I was having a hard time with. Like, I went to military school, and people would just bully me all the time. They're just constantly bullying me. Like, you know, the guys would just beat me up. And the ones that were the worst were the girls, because they would, like, do things like, you know, nobody's ever gonna love you. You're too ugly to be loved. You know, like, oh, you're so disgusting, David. And even, like, when I was out in the street, people would actually try to bully me in the street. You know, I'd be walking on the street and somebody would, like, yell, hey, fatty. You know, hey, hey, marikon. Which is like a really bad term for like, kind of like the F word. Right. And the only thing that was always there was food. Because I come home and be like, my mom would make me a burger or like, a pastelilla, which is kind of like an empanada, you know, And I would just, like, eat these things. And we eat like, a Frosty and stuff, like a, you know, Slurpee. And it was, like, always there to make me feel better.

Unnamed Host (11:23)

This was in Puerto Rico.

David Arroyo (11:25)

That was in Puerto Rico, yeah. So, yeah. Yeah.

Unnamed Host (11:27)

Would you say that that is a culture where love is expressed through food quite a lot?

David Arroyo (11:35)

Yeah. I mean, food is part of our culture, you know. Food is a big part of our culture. You know, it's like, people are constantly eating the worst things, you know. But, like, to my level, I was just going overboard, you know, because I was. I was replacing that fear, that tension, anxiety with food. Because, like, a lot of things is that, like, people, they tend to think that people that are overweight are just lazy or just constantly thinking of food. And that's not the case. Like, people that are, like, overweight, they normally just. They just want to get that feeling that, like, release that sugar that kind of messes with your chemistry, your brain chemistry. So you feel this relaxation from the anxiety, you know? Like, you feel that. That sense of, like, happiness, right? Because the sugar's there. It's sugar's like, you know, revving up your brain chemistry and stuff. So. So that was what I was going through. I was, like, eating food because I was feeling sad or I was feeling anxiety, you know, and as I grew up, it just got bigger and bigger, you know, and at. I was, like, 265 during that period. And I remember getting up from the bench where I had been crying and just going, you know what? I'm fine. I just need a butterbeer. I'll be fine. I'm cool. I'm totally cool. And then I was completely afraid to go on roller coasters for the entire trip. I couldn't do it. So then fast forward. I think it was three years later at this point. I'm 285.

Unnamed Host (12:54)

How tall are you?

David Arroyo (12:56)

I'm like five, six, probably. So it's a lot. My face was, like, most, like, swollen. I mean, you've seen me back in that time period. I was, like, big. I was a big guy, and I'm at my job, and suddenly My wife is calling me, like, constantly at my job, and I'm like, what's going on? She leaves me a voicemail. Come downstairs now. So I go downstairs and she's crying, and she just tells me, david, your father just passed. He's not with us anymore, right? And immediately, you know, I'm going through this range of emotions, but I immediately I realized that, like, the one thing that I have with my dad, like, the one thing that would, like, always, like, wash away the anger, wash away the anxiety, was roller coasters. Like, we both love roller coasters. And I realize now I'm never going to have that again. You know, like, he's gone. I can get on the roller coaster. And, like, I. You know, I realize, like, something has to change. So a year goes by, two years, actually, because a year is like a research of what I want to do with my body. And then the other year is just, like, the whole tests, right? And it's not like during this entire time period, I was, like, not trying, right? Like, I tried. I really tried. I did, like, a personal trainer. I did diets. I did Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig. I took diet pills. Like, even one time, I spent two weeks going to this place. They'd cover me in mud, wrapped me in tinfoil, and then put me under heat lamps and essentially were baking me like a baked potato to sweat the fat out, right? And that's how desperate I was. So I decided I was going to go and do this extreme thing. My friend angel had lost a lot of weight by doing this thing called gastric sleeve. And gastric sleeve is basically where they take your stomach. Like, let's say your stomach is the size of grapefruit, right? They cut it up to make it into a banana, so now it's a strip of bananas. So now you have less space in your stomach to eat, and that kind of starts bringing down the weight at that point. So, you know, I had to do a lot of tests. I do tests on my heart. I had to test on my breathing. You know, I had to actually even go to a counselor to get the okay to write me up is like, I'm not going to kind of go insane afterwards. And I'm on the table on the gurney, waiting to go into the operation, right? And I'm, like, terrified. And I'm not terrified because I'm afraid I'm going to die in the table room or anything like that. I'm afraid because I feel like I'm betraying my community, right? Because fat people, we have, like, Kind of like this unspoken community where, you know, we're there for each other. You know, like, you know, we know what it's like to basically, to hear somebody say, like, well, I'll go out with you, but you have to lose like £30 for me to go out with you.

Unnamed Host (15:38)

Or.

David Arroyo (15:39)

Or people like, mooing sounds or people saying you look like Homer Simpson, or people saying, like, you're lazy, things like that. Like, we support each other. We know what it's like. And that's why we get so pissed off when a celebrity loses weight, like Rebel Wilson or Adele or even Kevin Smith. We get really ticked off because we feel like, you guys betrayed me. We were supporting you for so long, and now you've crossed to the enemy. You've betrayed us. You're not with us anymore. And so I'm on the table and I'm thinking to myself, am I betraying my community? Am I crossing the line? Am I being ungrateful? And I just think to myself, you know, now I have to do it. And I go in and everything changes. Everything is completely different. You know, I immediately start losing the weight, and I start to learn new words like cauliflower and, like, protein, you know, and eating completely different things. Things I would never think about. Like, I didn't even know what those words meant, you know, and the way to start falling off, that's when I started to realize, like, really start to think about it and start realizing how much food controlled me, really, honestly, how food controls almost all of us. Where I want to go to, like, the movie theater. And I would just go to Alamo Drafthouse. And I realized I wasn't going to Alamo Drafthouse. Cause I wanted to enjoy the movie. I wanted to go there because I wanted to eat a burger or have desserts and stuff. But when I went to the park, I told myself, you know, like, you know, yeah, I'm gonna go to the park. And suddenly it's like, not really. Because I'm going to the ice cream parlor across the street from the park. Like, that's the importance of food was in my life, right? And I started out at 285 by that point, before I took the operation. And now after the operation, I'm like around 210 to 17. I'm hovering around that amount. And, like, pretty much struggling every day. Because, I mean, you never know what's going to happen the next day. So every day is pretty much a struggle. But I do know one thing, and it's actually pretty exciting. My wife just found out she's pregnant on Monday. This past Monday.

Unnamed Host (17:39)

Oh, my God. Congratulations.

David Arroyo (17:41)

Yeah, I appreciate it. Thanks. I'm terrified. So, like, I think myself, like, I'm going to go back to that roller coaster and it's not just me, my dad and me. It's going to be my daughter and my son. And we're going to hear those three clicks. We'll be right back, folks.

Unnamed Host (17:57)

This episode of Risk is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, have you thought about what you want your 2025 story to be? You know, a therapist can be like a story coach who is your editorial partner, helping you write new chapters and create the meaning in the story you are living into the story you deserve to live. I remember in therapy, gosh, this must have been like 10 years ago. A therapist led me through brainstorming on myths in my life, things that I believed that followed a certain storyline that were just not necessarily true. That was really profound to kind of step out of the fishbowl and reassess. I've definitely learned positive coping skills from my therapy and boundaries. Boundaries with others and with myself. Therapy is not just for people who have experienced serious trauma. It's a way of helping anyone to be your better self. And the thing about BetterHelp is it's completely online. It's affordable and convenient. It's a network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists and lots of specialties. You can look for someone who meets your specific needs and you can switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. So write your story with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com risk today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com risk the Apple Watch Series 10 is here.

Kevin (19:57)

It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever.

David Arroyo (20:02)

Making it even more comfortable on your.

Kevin (20:04)

Wrist whether you're running, swimming or sleeping.

Unnamed Host (20:07)

And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch.

David Arroyo (20:10)

Getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes.

Kevin (20:12)

The Apple Watch Series 10, available for.

Unnamed Host (20:15)

The first time in glossy jet black.

David Arroyo (20:17)

Aluminum compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later.

Kevin (20:20)

Required charge time and actual results will vary.

Unnamed Advertiser (20:25)

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. Indeed, sponsored Jobs help you stand out and hire fast. With sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. And it makes a Huge difference. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Plus with Indeed sponsored jobs, there are no monthly subscriptions, no long term contracts, and you only pay for results. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com listen just go to Indeed.com listen right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com listen terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

Unnamed Host (21:23)

ABC Wednesdays, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings.

Unnamed Advertiser (21:26)

Star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

David Arroyo (21:28)

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

Kevin (21:32)

So a couple of days when his.

Unnamed Host (21:35)

Daughter moves back in.

Unnamed Advertiser (21:36)

The last time you walked out that door, you look back at me and.

Kevin (21:38)

Gave me a double bird.

David Arroyo (21:40)

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults?

Kevin (21:47)

Have you watched the news lately?

Unnamed Advertiser (21:48)

That's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8.7Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. We're back.

Unnamed Host (21:55)

Wow, that is so great. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. You know, one thing that I thought of when I was just thinking about running this story, I thought, oh, you know what? You'll have to include a content warning. Because issues around food can be so triggering for people. I really appreciated the part where you talked about how it's not laziness or just some sort of whatever, obsessiveness. There are parts of our brain and parts of our psyche that are kind of designed to conflict, you know, to. We have built in blocks to a lot of our best intentions. And, and another thing about food is it's one of those substances that you can become addictive with but that you can't go cold turkey on. You know what I mean? Like, one of the nice things about AA or about alcohol is that people can decide, okay, then I'll just decide that alcohol is no longer an option.

David Arroyo (23:06)

Exactly.

Unnamed Host (23:07)

It's no longer on the menu. And you can't do that with food.

David Arroyo (23:11)

Food.

Unnamed Host (23:11)

There has to be some food on the menu, for Christ's sake.

David Arroyo (23:14)

You also kind of gaslight yourself by saying, like, well, I'm eating baked chips now, or like, I'm doing diet Pepsi now, or like, this is organic. This is better for me. And it's like, not really, you know, and like, and that's how these companies, they, like, kind of like they suck you in. You know by that.

Unnamed Host (23:29)

Yeah, yeah. I'm so impressed with people who were bullied as kids because I feel. What do they call it? Cptsd. Like, in other words, not acutely traumatized, but slightly simmeringly, generally traumatized by being afraid of being bullied. When I was a kid, I wasn't seriously bullied, but I was so attentive to bullying that was happening and afraid it was gonna turn on me that that left me in a certain condition. So whenever I hear about people who were actively bullied, I'm just always so impressed with how they, you know, have held it together and created themselves beyond all that.

David Arroyo (24:23)

Yeah, it's worse, actually. I don't know if I'm gonna say it's worse, but like, there's an extra layer in a Latin culture because we don't believe in mental health. It's just basically, well, you're. If you're complaining you're being a baby, you know, like, yeah, so they beat you up. We'll fight back, you know, like, what are your wimp, you know, like.

Unnamed Host (24:40)

Or. Right.

David Arroyo (24:42)

Or like, you know, like if these people are making fun of you, whatever, you know, just. Just get over it, you know.

Unnamed Host (24:47)

Right. Yeah.

David Arroyo (24:48)

Because people that are really crazy, they're like broken. They like put in mental institutions. Like, you know what you're experiencing, that's just you being a baby. Just suck it up, you know.

Unnamed Host (24:56)

Right. There's no gray area there. Right now I am a yo yo dieter. Like last year at this same time, I was about 40 pounds lighter than I am now. It's very typical for me to go through these like two or three year stretches where I'll lose about £40, put it back on and then pendulum swings again. And one thing I have become acutely aware of is it is on those days when I felt especially like there's mounting frustration over things or I'm feeling kind of lonely or feeling kind of dissatisfied. Social, you know, with social connection. I could even be having a really great. And then just something triggering could happen that for a half hour I'm a little bit out of sorts. And it feels like food is going to be, you know, treat a little. Yeah, a little bit of something, a little bit of comfort. But what's difficult about it is that some of my other vices, like drinking or weed, say when you have a few drinks or you have a few puffs of weed, then you're on a nice long trip. When you have a cookie, the niceness of it is over in 30 seconds, you know, so that's why there's that bingy thing that sets in to keep the trip going, you know?

David Arroyo (26:34)

Yeah, exactly.

Unnamed Host (26:36)

And then there's that thing where I think that probably part of the logic of the gastric sleeve is I think they say that body, like, for example, mine, my. Gaining 40, losing 40, gaining 40, losing 40. That the body has kind of a natural preservation tendency to want to get back to its usual normal where it got kind of used to being more or less.

David Arroyo (27:03)

I mean, I would get angry because I couldn't eat the same amount of food I was able to do before.

Unnamed Host (27:08)

Yeah, yeah. Even at the times when I was like my thinnest and was exercising like crazy, I remember feeling a little bit uncomfortable, as if, oh, I'm not allowed to look this good or something like that. Just because it's not what. It's not my comfort zone. It's not what I'm used to.

David Arroyo (27:29)

Yeah. I mean, even now that I've lost all the weight, there's still flaws. I see myself like, I feel like my chin. I feel like there's like a little bit of a double chin. And so like my wife has always said me, like, there's nothing there. And it's like, no, I see it. I see it all the time, you know, so, yeah, there's parts of my brain, will. I don't think we'll ever kind of accept that I look completely different, you know, but, yeah, it's something you still deal with. And then there's also people online who, when they find out you've had gastric leave, they. They act like you've cheated. Like for some reason, like, oh, well, you know, you've cheated. You know, like you didn't really do the work, you know, like you're just gonna go back to being fat again.

Unnamed Host (28:07)

It's like, I mean, it is really interesting. That's why I said, I feel like we have to put a warning before this episode because you're exactly right. Everyone's feelings are so tightly bound in this very, very personal issue. It's kind of like, you know, being a non monogamous person, I will watch people get all upset about polyamory or whatever it is and, you know, get all moralizing. And I'm like, well, why do you care?

David Arroyo (28:37)

Yeah, exactly.

Unnamed Host (28:39)

So it's just that it challenges their own personal feelings about how they're handling their own relationships. People will see someone handling their dietary lifestyle in a different way and feel judgmental about that. Have to project something at them because of it. And one thing I've learned, like, I've been studying very deeply this summer, hypnotherapy. And one thing that I never really got before that has really been settling in for me. And I kind of. I was studying Buddhism a lot last year. And this same idea occurs is the counterintuitive thing that not only do you have to really hold and make space for and take care of your intention, like, you know, your intention to be as healthy as you can possibly be, but you also have to simultaneously learn how to hold and care for what gets in the way. You know what I mean? Insecurity, or the addictive tendency or whatever that is, to also be able to be like, okay, you know, I see you have served some use in my life and you're probably always going to be there, so I can make peace with you and accept you and hold these two things at once so that something new can emerge. You know, the one plus one equals three is what they say. So, yeah, I think that for a lot of people, when they want to get healthier, to have some real compassion toward themselves about the stuff that gets in the way, you know, the stuff that derails your best intentions sometimes.

David Arroyo (30:28)

I mean, I'm in the Facebook gastric sleeve group and I can't tell you how many times people have really kind of attacked people because they say, like, oh, I had a piece of chocolate today, or like, oh, man, I really just have this cream from McDonald's after the operation, and suddenly it's like, well, you shouldn't have the operation. I can't believe you. You know, and this is like, kind of really go after them. So it's such a complex kind of society, really, honestly, in that kind of subculture. So it's like I said, like, you know, people, they get angry if you lose weight. They get angry if you lose weight a certain way.

Unnamed Host (31:02)

So, yeah, Yeah. I think another thing that we all find so challenging is that quote unquote, bad habits or addictive sort of tendencies. The reward system is very quick. You know, like, for example, when they say, well, you could go on a meditation retreat up in the mountains for three years or you could just take these mushrooms. Yeah, exactly. It's like the. But healthier habits, they take longer to, like, settle into and they're subtler. You know, you don't see such quick results like that with, you know, like, oh, instead of having a drink or instead of having a cookie, I could walk around the block or do some mindful breathing or stuff like that. They're wonderful things to do. And to get better at. But the reward is not as quick and obvious.

David Arroyo (31:59)

Yeah, exactly.

Unnamed Host (32:00)

I think, you know, it's that attitude of one day at a time and that idea also of try to be flexible about everything, including having to be inflexible about some things.

David Arroyo (32:16)

Exactly, exactly.

Unnamed Host (32:20)

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

Kevin (32:30)

That is that kind of. In fact, I hope it's not at all that for this conversation. I hope that this is the beginning of a lot more conversations like this. So it's not that it's the beginning. David's story has been very affecting for me, and I've spent a lot of time thinking about the brutal sizes tendencies that have become so prevalent in American culture. It seems to me that there's a lot of loneliness that comes with being the target of sizes prejudice. Like, there may not be a lot of spaces where a person can feel safe enough to talk about their feelings, about their weight. It seems like it may be hard to find refuge from the judgment and the hate and the harmful speech about each other's bodies that has become so normalized. It is heartbreaking to me to think of people enduring the pain of living with this type of stigma alone. And I would very much like to be here to offer a place of refuge in whatever small way we can. More than anything, I just want us to be part of an open conversation about our bodies where we can hear about each other's experience. Whatever your experience has been, if you've got something that is coming from a place of tension or discomfort, we're here for it, whatever it is, please reach out to us. You can get in touch on Facebook or on the Risk Podcast subreddit, or you can email Kevin directly@Kevinrisk-show.com I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart, David Arroyo for having the strength and presence of mind to show up for this conversation. David Arroyo is a writer, an editor, and he's a producer of the YouTube show gone but Not Forgotten. You can find that show on the JoBlo Originals YouTube channel. You can also find David on online at arroyo2099 on YouTube or hedavidaroyo on Instagram. My friends, a few of you I know, the vast majority of you, I do not. And yet I sit here now and struggle to come up with the words to tell you how grateful I am for you. I am so unbelievably honored to have the privilege of your attention and support. And I would not be doing what I get to spend my life doing if it weren't for you. This is a hard and scary time. So please do write and tell us about you so that we might better show up to these kinds of conversations in a way that helps. You all are my people, and to any non people, kitties or dogs or other such domesticated animals that may be hearing this, I am not especially grateful for you in this regard because I don't imagine that your hearing this reflects any effort or desire on your part to do so. But I do love you. I am generally grateful for you. I wish I could communicate that to you. All I can say is good girl. You all will probably be happy to know that Kevin will be back before too long, but that'll be down the road a bit and today is the day. Take a risk.

Unnamed Host (36:21)

Sa.