RISK! Podcast - Episode Summary

Episode Title: Do I Belong Here?
Release Date: November 18, 2025
Host: Kevin Allison
Featured Storytellers: Jen Nails, Sandy Marks

Episode Overview

This episode of RISK! delves into the complex, vulnerable, and sometimes hilarious journey of asking: "Do I belong here?" Through true, candid storytelling, both Jen Nails and Sandy Marks wrestle with themes of identity, acceptance, and the lengths we go to (or refuse to go to) for the sake of fitting in. Host Kevin Allison bookends these stories with warmth and context, sharing a few personal anecdotes about community and connection.

Key Segments & Insights

1. Kevin Allison Opens Up: Fitting in Abroad

[03:32 – 05:54]

• Kevin greets listeners from Bangkok during his extended stay, riffing humorously on culture shock:

  "The questions I'm asking are still very much like, what is this? Or, wait, why did that happen?"

• He expresses deep gratitude for connecting with RISK! fans, highlighting a memorable day spent with a listener (“shout out to Charlie”) and invites anyone in Thailand to reach out for a meetup.
• Sets the stage for the episode’s theme: what it means to find (or struggle to find) belonging.

2. Jen Nails: "Permission to Be Myself"

[06:41 – 21:19]

Story Overview

Jen recounts her time at CU Boulder in the early 90s, facing rejection from her theater conservatory. Her vulnerable narrative walks through academic politics, painful exclusion, discovering joy in collaborative creation, and the transformative power of peer support.

Key Points & Memorable Moments

• Isolation & the "Who Am I" Assignment
  Early experience in Studio 1, feeling like an outsider:

  "Like, the jump rope is spinning, and I cannot find a place to jump in there." [07:32]

  • Jen's bold choice to perform "La La La La Lasagna" by Weird Al is met with crickets — separating her further from the 'in crowd.'

• Pressure to Display Vulnerability

  • Studio 1 instructor Ron probes deeply during monologue work, pushing for emotional exposure:

    "What did you want from your father?" [09:30]

  • Jen resists the expected vulnerability ("I just...I don't know. Some instinct in me just doesn't buy it. I don't cry. I never cry in Studio One.") [09:52]

• Finding Her People in Studio 2

  • Under teacher Lynn, Jen flourishes in a collaborative, feminist theater piece—the “gender projects."
  • The group weaves literature and poetry with personal stories:

    "We become stronger by being vulnerable together." [12:24]

  • The project, featuring a parody of “Tradition” called "Oppression," earns a standing ovation and cements Jen’s sense of belonging.

• Facing Dismissal and a Powerful Act of Solidarity

  • As she's cut from the program, Jen suspects both teachers debated her fate behind closed doors—a drama she reimagines as a meta-play.
  • On the last day, classmate Raquel reads a heartfelt letter pleading for Jen to remain:

    "Jennifer is a different and beautiful creature who offers unique input on projects and everyday life. Input that cannot be replaced or readily discarded." [17:45]

  • Jen is overcome:

    "I can't find a way to accept their acceptance of me. In that moment I had so purposefully fixed in my head that I was not a part of this group anymore." [18:35]

  • Ultimately, she’s invited back and wins, for the first time, true permission to be herself from her peers—not just teachers or family.

• Universal Insight

  • Jen concludes with gratitude for non-family encouragement:

    "When someone who is not related to you, who it's not their job to believe in you, steps in...it is the most unforgettable, indescribable, unexpected gift that I have ever received in my life." [21:08]

3. Sandy Marks: "Fake It ‘Til You Make It"

[27:37 – 40:55]

Story Overview

Sandy dives into her adolescence as a "nice girl," yearning for the edginess and confidence of the “bad girls” at school. Through a rollercoaster of envy, awkward romance, and a hilariously disastrous engagement, Sandy reveals the cost of polite conformity versus living honestly.

Key Points & Memorable Moments

• Nice Girls vs. Bad Girls

  • Sandy paints a vivid dichotomy:

    "Nice girls...we’d get five stars for babysitting and we never lost our retainer. Then there were the bad girls...they had creamy bosoms. We didn’t have bosoms. We wore training bras, which was a thing we were training for. What? I don’t know." [27:39 / 00:05]

  • Envious anecdotes: bad girls jet off for mysterious “procedures” in Mexico and wield seduction like a superpower; Sandy, in contrast, is the perennial outsider.

• Infamous Classmates & Yearning for Rebellion

  • About Patti Migliacci:

    "I accidentally bumped into her, and she told me that I would be dead after school. Love. I was in love." [29:18]

  • On ambition:

    "I wanted wanderlust. I wanted to shave my crotch in the shape of a giraffe or something. I don’t know." [31:35]

• The Romance (and Anti-Climax) of Larry

  • She dates "nice" but dull men—culminating in Larry, whose wealthy family raises the stakes:

    "I thought if this works out, I’d be up to my tits in dimmer switches." [33:19]

  • At an Islanders hockey game, both try to break up, but Larry unexpectedly proposes:

    "He pulls out a blue velvet box...and he says, Sandy, I love you. I can see a future together. Let’s get married. And I am—What?!" [35:10]

  • Sandy’s polite refusal:

    "All I could say, because I’m a nice fucking girl, is: No, thank you." [35:33]

• Pretending to Belong—Literally

  • Larry insists she fake an engagement at his parents’ celebration; Sandy performs dutifully at the lavish party:

    "I could have his family pay my tuition for school...Maybe I should do this." [38:32]

  • After playing her part, she finally ends things, drawing a contrast between “nice” and “kind”:

    "If you are a kind person, you’re honest...But if you’re a nice girl, you wind up like me in a very well lit house with sweaty meats and cheeses...pretending to be something you’re not and you never can win." [40:17]

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “The jump rope is spinning, and I cannot find a place to jump in there.” — Jen Nails [07:32]
• “What did you want from your father?...I know I’m supposed to start crying...I just, I don’t know. Some instinct in me just doesn’t buy it. I don’t cry. I never cry in Studio One.” — Jen Nails [09:30–09:52]
• “We become stronger by being vulnerable together.” — Jen Nails [12:24]
• “Jennifer is a different and beautiful creature...input that cannot be replaced or readily discarded.” — Letter from classmates [17:45]
• “I can’t find a way to accept their acceptance of me.” — Jen Nails [18:35]
• “When someone who is not related to you...steps in and...ushers you forward and gives you permission to be yourself, it is the most unforgettable...gift that I have ever received...” — Jen Nails [21:08]
• “We wore training bras, which was a thing we were training for. What? I don’t know.” — Sandy Marks [00:05/27:39]
• “I wanted to shave my crotch in the shape of a giraffe or something. I don’t know.” — Sandy Marks [31:35]
• “He pulls out a blue velvet box...and he says...Let’s get married. And I am—What?!” — Sandy Marks [35:10]
• “If you are a kind person, you’re honest...But if you’re a nice girl, you wind up like me in a very well lit house...pretending to be something you’re not and you never can win.” — Sandy Marks [40:17]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [03:32] Kevin Allison’s personal intro & Bangkok anecdote
• [06:41 – 21:19] Jen Nails: “Permission to Be Myself”
• [27:37 – 40:55] Sandy Marks: “Fake It 'Til You Make It”

Final Reflections

The episode warmly and powerfully captures what it means to yearn for—or accidentally stumble into—belonging. Jen’s story is a poignant testament to the quiet power of peer recognition, while Sandy’s tale delivers comedic but sobering lessons on the price of being merely “nice.” Both remind listeners that true belonging often comes only after embracing—and sharing—one’s full, messy self.

Find more at risk-show.com and support through Patreon for ad-free listening and bonus stories.