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- [00:02]
Ryan Reynolds
Spring Fest and Ego Days are here at Lowes right now. Get a Free Select EGO 56 volt battery with purchase of a select trimmer, blower or mower kit. Plus shop today for new and exclusive items you need for your lawn. So get ready for spring with the latest in innovation From Ego, the 1 rated brand in cordless outdoor power only at Lowes. We have you say offer valid through 4 2. Selection varies by location while supplies last.
- [00:30]
Zeke Nicholson
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with.
- [00:32]
Ryan Reynolds
A message for everyone Paying Big Wireless way too much.
- [00:35]
Zeke Nicholson
Please, for the love of everything good.
- [00:37]
Ryan Reynolds
In this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month.
- [00:42]
Zeke Nicholson
Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments.
- [00:44]
Ryan Reynolds
But that's weird.
- [00:45]
Zeke Nicholson
Okay, one judgment anyway.
- [00:49]
Ryan Reynolds
Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment.
- [00:52]
Hope Brush
Of $45 for three month plan equivalent.
- [00:54]
Zeke Nicholson
To $15 per month required intro rate first three months only, then full price.
- [00:57]
Hope Brush
Plan opt and fees extra.
- [00:59]
Zeke Nicholson
See full terms@mintmobile.com this episode is brought.
- [01:02]
Ryan Reynolds
To you by Lifelock.
- [01:04]
Zeke Nicholson
It's tax season and we're all a bit tired of numbers. But here's one you need to hear.
- [01:09]
Ryan Reynolds
$16.5 billion.
- [01:11]
Zeke Nicholson
That's how much the IRS flagged for possible identity fraud last year. Now here's a good number. 100 million. That's how many data points LifeLock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it. Guaranteed. Save up to 40% your first year@lifelock.com podcast terms apply. This is a message from sponsor Intuit. TurboTax Taxes was getting frustrated by your forms. Now Taxes is uploading your forms with a snap, and a TurboTax expert will do your taxes for you. One who's backed by the latest tech which cross checks millions of data points for absolute accuracy. All of which makes it easy for you to get the most money back guaranteed. Get an expert now@turbotax.com only available with TurboTax Live full service.
- [01:57]
Hope Brush
Seek guaranteed details@turbotax.com guarantees hey everyone, this is hope. On this week's episode of Risk, we'll hear from Zeke Nicholson.
- [02:06]
Ryan Reynolds
The bells are ringing. And that means that classes are canceled and the entire school hikes up a mountain together, eats apple cider donuts and listens to Acapella. It's the super bowl of Acapella.
- [02:19]
Hope Brush
That and more. But first, you've probably been hearing a lot in the news about the Department of Government Efficiency. Well, sadly, Risk has not been spared from the federal budget cuts. We had to let go of the entire Staff. Kevin is gone, the editor's gone. I'm just the unpaid intern. And I've been promoted to host, producer, editor, and HR team, which, trust me, we really need around here. And remember when John would come on and say, we'll be right back? Yeah, we can't afford that either. So now we just play this. It's the only sound effect I have on my hard drive. And we can't afford the WI fi anymore, so I guess here's the show. This is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Hope Brush, and this is the best band of all time, the Shags, behind me now. And in honor of April Fool's Day, we're calling this week's episode Foolish. One time I sent a clip of this song to an old professor of mine who started a music production company, and I told him that this was my new band and would he be interested in working with us. He was famous for playing April Fool's Day pranks at the college he taught at, so I had to get my revenge. If you're not familiar with the lore that is the Shags, I highly recommend you go down that rabbit hole. I mean, that right there is some lyrical genius. But to get back on track in a little bit, we're going to hear from Kristin Rutherford, and we're also going to hear some short anecdotes that your fellow Risk listeners submitted in anticipation of April Fool's Day. So you'll hear a few of those scattered throughout the episode. But first up, a story from Zeke Nicholson, recorded live at the Lyric Hyperion in LA back in November of last year. You might know Zeke as an actor, a comedian, and a writer. A man of many hats. So here's Zeke with a story we call the Water Streeters.
- [05:23]
Ryan Reynolds
When I was in college, I was part of a revolution against one of the most tyrannical institutions that has ever existed. Collegiate a cappella. That's right. So I didn't grow up a particularly artistic or musical kid. You know, I did middle school band, like everybody, but that was kind of where it stopped and ended for me. I didn't ever do any, like, high school plays because I was an athlete. I did, you know, I played basketball. I ran track and field. I did karate. But I always sort of harbored this little piece of me that was interested in, like, secretly being a performer. Those of you keeping track, that is the basic premise of High School Musical, that was kind of me, right? So when I was trying to figure out where I wanted to go to college. I ultimately landed on a school called Williams, which is a liberal arts school in Massachusetts. And they're in their sort of, like, promotional materials. They're very forward about the fact that, like, this is a place where you can be all kinds of different things, right? You don't just have to be one thing. And I was really sort of, like, drawn to that. So I knew that I was going to go run track there, but I was like, oh, maybe at this school I can also find, you know, an artistic outlet for myself. So I got to school and I couldn't find that artistic outlet for myself. But what I did find was a school that was, like, really fucking into Acapella. It's a very. It's an old school. It's literally the second oldest college in America behind Harvard. It was founded in 1793. And so a lot of the sort of, like, ethos, the culture is built on this, like, history, tradition, legacy, you know, which is a lot of, like, stuffy, preppy bullshit. Acapella sort of being the prime example of that. So there were eight a cappella groups, and they all had these, like, quirky names like the E Flats and acc and it just. They were all so fucking proud of themselves, you know, which I always found really annoying. But whatever. They had their thing that wasn't for me, but it wasn't like I was, like, actively hating with all of my heart necessarily. But the thing that was I did find interesting was that the a cappella kids were not just music majors or theater nerds. They sort of managed to capture a much wider cross section of the school. And it was a lot of people that did it sort of as their, like, second extracurricular. So, like the student body president or the captain of the women's basketball team, like, these were a bunch of kids that had managed to sort of figure out this thing that I was coveting, which was like this sort of, like, dual identity in school, right? And I sort of. I watched that, but I hadn't figured it out for myself going through my freshman year. So I came back sophomore fall, and I was like, I'm going to put myself out there. I'm going to audition for the college improv team. A cappella, not for me, but maybe improv. So I went out, I tried, and I did not get in. I know. Can you believe it? Gasp.
- [08:10]
Kristin Rutherford
Wow.
- [08:12]
Ryan Reynolds
So I was, like, kind of stewing in this failure of having not gotten into this improv team. And I was chatting with my sweet mate Mike, who was in Kind of an interesting similar situation to me where he was struggling with this sort of, like, college duality where he was a wrestler that secretly wanted to be a playwright and couldn't quite figure out how to make that happen. And so we were chatting, he and I and, like, and the rest of our kind of, like, band of, like, weird, sort of bizarre, funny friends. And as we talked, we sort of, like, landed on this idea for a prank. And, you know, the prank, it was a prank that built into something much bigger, much like the Boston Tea Party. It ultimately started a revolution. So at Williams, the a cappella season kicks off with this event called Entry Sings. And so the freshmen at Williams live in these housing units called Entries. And basically the way it works is like the acapella groups go and they perform for all the freshmen in their entries as a way to drum up interest for auditions, right? And so it's like a very, very, again, time honored Williams tradition. So we decided that we were going to crash Entry Sings as a fake acapella group that was intentionally horrific at singing. And so the best. The best group on campus was this all male, very stuffy group called the Spring Streeters. And they were named after sp, which is the main road in Williamstown. That's, like, very idyllic Collegetown Road. It's got, like, an ice cream shop and a bookstore and a couple vaguely ethnic food restaurants, Right. We decided that we were gonna be the Water Streeters, which is the next street over that has an abandoned industrial complex on it, which was, like, our vibe, right? So we got it all together. We were like, are we gonna go for this? Like, this is gonna. Oh, this is crazy. We were all excited, and we sort of dressed up like stereotypical a capella douche bags. We put on, like, two popped collared shirts and sunglasses, took a couple shots of Jose Cuervo, and we went out to the freshman dorm in the middle of this Entry Sings Happening. And I was like. I remember there's this sort of, like, elation, this excitement of like, oh, my God, we're doing something so epic and brave. Like, this is gonna be crazy. We're gonna parody Acapella right to their face. Oh, my God. Okay, so the way it works is, like, all of the groups were going to these various common rooms and they were performing. And so as soon as they would finish, we basically would do this. We would kick in the common room door and like, bust in screaming and laughing and be like, what's up? We're the Water Streeters. Ah. Ah. She wears short Shorts. I wear sneakers. She's cheer captain, and I'm on the bleachers. And then we would just sort of like jump around on all the tables in the common room. Dancing, laughing. We would find the most uncomfortable looking person and give them a full lap dance for, like, two minutes straight, quickly. This story has an interactive component. So from here on out, if I ever say the words, it was 2008. I need you to respond with, it was a different time. Okay, let's practice. It was 2008. Incredible. Incredible. Great job. So, yeah, so that was it. That was kind of like. It was just like, bam. We would hit all these different common rooms doing this Taylor Swift song, dancing, laughing, singing, giving lap dances. And then we just sort of like the tornado would come out the same way that it came in, and we would be on to the next common room. And then the night just sort of like ended on this huge high. I was like, I don't know. I think I was just feeling this sort of, like, performance high for the first time. I had found this outlet, strangely, with this, like, weird kind of performance art piece that I had been seeking. So the next day, we're in the dining room and we're like, man, what an incredible prank. I feel so good about us. And people start coming up to us and they're like, we heard what you did. Incredible job. When are you holding auditions? And we were like, no. And then we were like, ooh, wait, maybe. And so we ended up putting a sign up sheet in the student center that said, audition for the Water Streeters. We're not your daddy's acapella group. And, yeah, so a couple weeks later, we ended up hosting auditions, and we decided that anybody that auditioned for the Water Streeters was immediately going to be let in. Because, you know, we weren't acapella. We come in. Anybody come in. We also were not going to make them do anything quite so pedestrian as sing a song, but we were going to have them brush their teeth to the beat of a song, Bob for apples and interview questions while we watched in this sort of like, we were doing this, like, this weird, like, kind of like Simon Cowell type of thing where we were just like, yeah, yeah, nice. And we did not have pants on. It was 2008. Little slow, that's fine. But, yeah. So at the end of that all, we had four people audition and four people were let in. And we were jubilant. Like, our ranks were swelling. Like, it was time to take to the streets and start performing. So we ended up Inducting these four new members with what became our signature chant, Water what? Water Street. Water what? Water Street. And this was just like, ringing out through the halls of campus, right? So the normal acapella concerts would happen a couple times a semester and always in the music hall. So we decided that our concerts would happen anytime, any place, and always in costume. We went down to the local kind of, like, novelty costume shop called Where'd you get that? In Williamstown, and we bought a bunch of mariachi costumes, complete with ponchos, sombreros, and mustaches. It was 2008. It was a different time. That's right. And that night we went into the dining hall and we. In the middle of the dinner rush, as people were getting, like, sloppy joes placed on their trays, suddenly a bunch of mariachis bust in and are singing like, venga boys. Boom, boom, boom. Let me hear you say wayo to some poor girl, like, sitting at her table trying to eat her dinner. We also did Phantom Planets, California. And at that song, we had our friend Tom accompany us on the trumpet. Acapella not supposed to have instruments, but we were fucking rebels, baby. We didn't care. And so, yeah, we did a bunch of different performances like this, and they started to pick up the steam. One time we, at 12:30am did take me home tonight in the middle of the science library during midterms while people were trying to study. We also, and this is true, we hired a horse and buggy from a local farm to take us around while we sang Christmas carols dressed like Santa Claus and his elves. And so, yeah, it was like these performances were sort of, like, picking up notoriety amongst the school. Like, acapella was such a thing that to have a group of people that were sort of, like, making fun of it was like, ooh, nice. And I was getting what I wanted. Not only was I getting this sort of, like, strange performance outlet, but people were also recognizing me in a sort of secondary capacity where I was like, oh, there's Zeke, the track athlete. And also, he's part of that, like, weird guerrilla acapella group. Yeah. So we kind of hit this point where, you know, as with many revolutions, we're like, is this peaking? Like, how do we take this to the next level? Right? And so, as I mentioned, Williams is very much based on these sort of, like, traditions and histories. And its most popular tradition is a thing called Mountain Day. And so Mountain Day is where you wake up as a student one day in the fall and the bells are ringing. And that means that classes are canceled and the entire school then hikes up a mountain together, eats apple cider donuts, and listens to acapella. It's the super bowl of acapella. It's a very expensive school. But, yeah, this is a tradition that's been around since, like, the 1790s, literally, right? So we were like, okay, if we want this movement to be etched in stone forever, like, we have to perform at Mountain Day. But Mountain Day is, you know, it's like, we weren't heathens. We weren't trying to, like, destroy this, like, this thing that was beloved at the school, but we were like, we're going to get up there and we're going to perform once all the other acapella groups are done. So we knew that, like, the. There was going to be faculty there and the president was going to be up there. So we. Yeah, we were, like, trying to find this sort of sweet spot where we could, like, get in there but not ruin it for everybody. So the morning of Mountain Day, we sort of wake up, we put on our lumberjack costumes, complete with short jorts and the cutoff kind of flannels. We hike up the mountain together, and all of. Yeah, the whole school's there, and we're all together. And I only remember one song from the actual a cappella group that performed that day, and that was the Spring Streeters. And they sang a very nice rendition of Wade in the Water. Which, side note, a bunch of white kids singing a slave hymnal is the most liberal arts school thing of all time. But Again, it was 2008. It was a different time. It's fine. But so, yeah, the performances kind of end, and we're all, like. Me and. And my friends are all, like, looking at each other like, okay, is it time? Like, is it. Should we get up there? And before we can even make a move, something incredible happens. The student body, unbidden, begins to chant, water what? Water Street. Water what? Water Street. They were chanting us on. We were the fucking. Like, they were the proletariat chanting, viva la revolucion. This is our Bastille day. So we got up there and we did a pretty shitty version of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song. And people laughed and they clapped and they cheered us, and we were victorious. Glorious. So, like many revolutions, ours ultimately came and went. You know, we did a couple of other performances after that, but the group sort of fell apart. That said, the following year, I did go and audition for that improv group again, and I got in. Thank you, I think, honestly, partially because I had spent a year like bullshit comedy singing with my friends around the school. But yeah, it was important. And this is true. If you go to the Williams College Wikipedia page, there is a list of all of the school's a cappella groups and there's a subset that says former acapella groups and there's a dead link that says the Water Streeters. So yeah, we did it. We wrote our names in history. It was 2008. It was a different time. We were both young. When I first saw you I closed my eyes and the flashback starts I'm standing there on a balcony in summer.
- [18:31]
Zeke Nicholson
Air.
- [18:34]
Ryan Reynolds
See the light, see the party, the ball gowns see you make your way through the crowd and say hello Little did I know.
- [18:50]
Zeke Nicholson
That you were.
- [18:51]
Ryan Reynolds
Romeo you were throwing pebbles and my daddy said stay away from Juliet and I was crying on the staircase begging you please don't go and I said Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting all that's left to do is find you be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story baby just say no we'll be right back Eczema isn't always.
- [19:27]
Zeke Nicholson
Obvious, but it's real.
- [19:30]
Ryan Reynolds
And so was the relief from Ebglis. After an initial dosing phase of 16 weeks, about 4 in 10 people taking EBGLIS achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin. And most of those people maintained skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing. EBGLIS Lebrikizumab LBKZ, a 250 milligram per 2 milliliter injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled. With prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. Eglis can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to Ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Ebglis. Before starting ebglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection searching for real relief? Ask your doctor about ebglis and visit.
- [20:20]
Zeke Nicholson
Eglis.Lily.Com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979.
- [20:26]
Ryan Reynolds
Some people play it safe, but that's never been my style. I'm Soraya, and this is is Rule breakers, the podcast where we celebrate the rebels, the misfits, and the ones who make their own way. Every week I sit down with athletes, entertainers, and industry disruptors who don't just push the boundaries now, they shatter them. We talk about the wildest risks they've.
- [20:49]
Soraya
Taken, the lessons they've learned, and the.
- [20:51]
Ryan Reynolds
Moments that made them who they are. No filters, no bs, just real talk with people who refuse to follow the script. And we don't just talk about breaking the rules. Now we prove it. Think dog shot collars, bug trivia, blindfold tattoos, and text roulette. The stakes are high and the chaos is real. So if you've ever been told to stay in your lane, this show is for you. Follow and listen to Rule breakers with Saraya, an Odyssey podcast, available now for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. We're back.
- [21:30]
Kristin Rutherford
I came from a family of practical jokers that were just merciless in their torture. And when I got married, my husband became a fresh target. One day, after doing a load of laundry, I decided to sew the fly up on a pair of his tighty whities. And I stuck it in the drawer, just randomly, knowing one day he was going to find it and would get a good laugh. Well, my husband traveled in his business and unbeknownst to me, one day he put that pair of underwear in his pack and took it with him. And after three or four days, he was on his way home and was on the airplane. Now, my husband was very fastidious and would not use a toilet on the airplane. So he got off the plane and just raced to the closest bathroom and got to the toilet and he realized that he couldn't use his underwear. So even though he was bursting to pee, he had to run to find a facility where he could pull his pants down and he had to drop his drawers to pee. So he was puzzled about it, and he came home and he starts telling me about this odd occurrence where he was in the bathroom and for whatever reason his underwear was malfunctioning. And he thought, well, maybe I put them on inside out. And I'm like, wait, what if they're on inside out? They still work. But I could barely keep a straight face. And finally he said, did you do something? And of course I was busted. And I had to admit what I had done. And fortunately, he was a very, very good natured man. Otherwise it could have been hel.
- [23:26]
Hope Brush
This is Parcels behind me now and we just heard from Zeke Nicholson, followed by some acapella interstitial madness and an April Fool's Day anecdote from a Risk listener who goes by Merrily. If you want to find out about the other non acapella creative projects that Zeke is involved with, you can find him on Instagram ickelsonzeke this week on our Patreon page, we have a really fun conversation with Samantha Locks and our very own Kevin Allison coming out. Here's a little bit of what that sounds like.
- [23:57]
Zeke Nicholson
I had these like, hooligan friends in the neighborhood who were significantly older than me and like to drink and hang out at parks at night and do classic, like, teenagers living in a retirement home community stuff.
- [24:13]
Hope Brush
That's coming out this week on our Risk Patreon page. Next we're going to hear from Kristin Rutherford, who told this story all the way back in 2013. So here's Kristen with a story we're calling cake it til you make it.
- [24:39]
Zeke Nicholson
I am remarkably insecure. Like that kind of major deflector of compliments where someone will be like, oh, you look so nice. And I'm like, no, you're blind. Or, you know, someone will be like, oh, you're so funny. And I'm like, you're high. I'm not funny at all. Or, you know, oh, those are really nice shoes. Yeah, I got them at target for $5. Do you know what I mean? I can't. Why do I do that? Why don't I just be like, yes, thank you. I'm also very, very, very shy and people pay me compliments or they want to talk to me and I'm like, I don't want. I married my husband so that I wouldn't have to talk to people because everybody loves him. So it's the perfect marriage because everybody will, like, gather around him and I can just go stand and nobody bothers me. But there is one thing. If you say to me, wow, this cake that you made is really good and it's fucking amazing, I will be like, that's right, because I can fucking bake and I can fucking ice a cake. Just no, I have no modesty about that. I'm really good at making cakes and icing them so they look fabulous. So my story is about the last time I ever made a wedding cake. I used to have a little company called Princess Yum Yum where I made like, wedding cakes and wedding favors and Birthday cakes and kind of went into everybody's spam folder a lot because everybody thought it was Asian porn. Sort of a note to self. Years later. So my friends Beth and Alan were getting married, and I offered to make them their wedding cake for, you know, this was going to be my gift to them. And my husband actually asked me. He said, you know, what are we giving them? Basically? How much is this worth? Like, how much could you charge them for this? And I said, well, you know, what depends on the size of the cake, the detail on the cake. Anywhere between maybe $750 to $3000. And he was like, fuck yeah. Oh, my God, that is amazing. Step back and make that cake. So I was also in the wedding, and I was supposed to just do a reading. It wasn't like I was a bridesmaid or anything. I was just supposed to do a nice reading. And so the day before the wedding, I spent the morning making the cakes, which. When you make a wedding cake, there's a lot of structural things you have to think about. I mean, you have to. There's wooden dowels that are like, you know, little wooden cylinders that you have to. When you mean. It's an architectural project. So I baked the cakes. You know, I had them all stacked up the way they were supposed to be. It was all ready to be frosted. I went to the rehearsal dinner. I cut out a little bit early and drove home to frost this cake and did it into the middle of the night. And I used a basket weave, which is basically like a. I love that you're nodding that, you know, I feel like I'm like, I'm so glad you sat there, lady. Who knows about cakes. You. You know, it's basically. It looks really beautiful. It's very, very complicated. It's a very, very complicated looking effect to have on a cake because it looks like the icing has been just intertwined, like, woven like a basketball. And it's complicated. But to me, I'm like, it's not easy because refer back to where I'm fucking really good at making cakes. So it's nothing to me. So I made this cake with a beautiful basket weave. And then around the perimeter of the cake, I put, like, little circles. So there's a special tip that I use to make it look like these beautiful sort of pearls around the side of the cake. And then on top, there's a shelf for the bride and groom. And it looked beautiful. So the next morning, we get up, we get ready to go to this wedding, and I Pack the cake up in a box that is specially designed. They make wedding cake boxes. They are specially designed for cakes because these are extreme structural cakes that you can't fuck around with. Like, if you go to a bakery and you buy a birthday cake, you get a cake, it's usually on a rectangular, you know, a cardboard thing, or it's a cardboard disc, usually. And sometimes it slides or round a little bit in the box. You can't do that with a wedding cake. A wedding cake is very, very complicated. And you don't want it just sort of, you know, sliding around in a box. So I bought a wedding cake box, which is double sided cardboard. It's got a piece inside that you can lock, and it holds it there. And the structure of it, it doesn't move. I built this whole cake and I stuffed it in the box and we threw it in the back of our Chevy Camaro Supersport. This is not. This is the worst, most impractical car ever, especially if you're delivering cakes. So we put it in the back and we take off. We go down the 10 and then we head up the 110. We're in Pasadena, and I am looking at my husband, who, by the way, I have been married to 15 years this year and have been with him for 18 years. And he knows me better than anybody else. I mean, just. He's amazing. I bring nothing to this relationship. He is amazing. And he is driving like an ace. I mean, it's just no jerks and stops. He's not hitting the brakes. No, he took the wheel because he didn't even ask me, do you want to drive? Because he knew there's no way. I can't drive with this cake in the back. And so he is cruising on the freeway and he's just gliding. It's perfect. There's not a swerve. There's not a jerk or a stop. And I'm actually sitting there just marveling at how deep, brilliantly he's driving this car. And just as we come up around near Orange Grove Avenue, some fucking asshole cuts us off and the car swerves to, you know, just really quickly. But he did it really fast and saved us. And he looks at me like. And I look back at him. I'm like, we're all good. I bought a $25 box. That cake is not going anywhere. So we pull up to the venue, and the wedding planner is standing outside, and he says to me, okay, I'll meet you upstairs. I'm just gonna go park the car. And I reach into the back and I put my hands into the handles of the box. And this one gets frosting. And I don't know what really happened for the next five or ten minutes. So I should probably just skip over that because it was just like, blackness. And I know. I know that I got upstairs. I know that I walked with the wedding planner into the tiny elevator there. But she was going, like, nip, nip, nip, nip, nip about the ride. Looks so beautiful. And this is the bus venue, and I love it here. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't hear anything she's saying because my movie is like a fucking Swedish art film. It's all black and white. Like someone's playing chess with death in the corner. And I'm just standing there, and all I can hear is in my head and my hand is, like, shaking, and it's covered in frosting. And I was just like. And I don't know what's gonna happen when I open the box. You know, it's like, what's in the box?
- [31:09]
Soraya
And I'm like, oh, my God.
- [31:12]
Zeke Nicholson
Oh. And I don't wanna tell the wedding planner. I'm really freaking out because I think I just destroyed the cake. So I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God. So we get upstairs into the kitchen, she drops me off, and I open up the box. And if you've ever seen, like, teachers always have on the desk the balls that you pick them up and they go, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. That's what happened to the cake. If I had put it in maybe a regular bakery box, it probably would have just slid and been fine. But it was in a box where it had nowhere to go. So essentially, the middle of the cake went out of the cake. Like, you imagine a hamster heart just exploding out of a. If you hold a hamster up, like, when you're a kid, they say, don't. The hamster heart's gonna explode. Then I cake, the heart just exploded out of the side of it. And so I'm standing there and I'm like, I don't even know what to feel. I mean, this is not something you can fuck up. This is not something that you can be like, ah, so sorry. I totally fucked your wedding cake, but I'll make it up to you. I mean, I can't. Like, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna go to Costco and be like, no, I made this. I just really like Belle and balloons. Cause you guys are fun. Like Disney films. So I don't know what to do. So my husband comes in and sees it, and he just is like, okay. And I look at him, you know, this man that I love and I have shared so much with, and I'm just like. And I start, like, crying, like, hitch. Like, what am I gonna do with this thing? And he's so sweet. Gets down. Like, I'm, like, collapsing down. He gets down, and he just looks me, like, right in the eye. And he goes, don't cry. And I'm like, what? And all these things are going to be Heather, like, But I'm sad. Why are you being so mean to me? And he says, only you can fix this cake. Nobody else knows how to fix this cake. You have got to pull yourself together and get over your emotions and fix this goddamn cake. And I go.
- [33:32]
Ryan Reynolds
Okay, okay.
- [33:33]
Zeke Nicholson
And he goes, what do you need.
- [33:35]
Soraya
To fix the cake?
- [33:38]
Zeke Nicholson
And I'm like, I could use three plates, and I could use two butter knives. And I need you to get the frosting bag out of my purse. And I need the tips. The tip. My extra tips. I need you to go get those things. And so he runs to my purse. He grabs everything. There's a couple of waiters that are all kind of standing there, all kind of. You know, they're all, like, terrified because they're like, what is going to happen? And he hands me the thing, and I, with both my hands, kind of go with all the icing and just thwack it on a plate. And then I take the butter knives, and I just reconstruct this cake with icing. And then I've got the tips, and I am fucking. I am fucking basket weaving the shit out of this cake. I'm like. And every once in a while, like, I'll step back a little bit and, like. And then I'll start to cry. I'll be like, it was just really beautiful when I did it. When I did it, it was really beautiful. And again, he will clap his hands in front of my face and be like, no, no, stop crying. So I get like, it looks decent. Like, I actually. I fucking did it. I, like, basket weaved the whole thing up and redid the pearl part. And then I get to the heart, and I step out and I go, okay. I just. I just. It goes, no, don't cry. And I go, no, you cry.
- [34:50]
Ryan Reynolds
Come to me.
- [34:53]
Zeke Nicholson
I cannot finish this cake until I see where it is in the venue. And he goes, let's move, people. And the waiters all grab. I feel like they grabbed Me, I might be remembering this wrong, but I feel like they carried me, too, like, into the venue. Like, I don't really remember those. Sort of foggy. So we get into the venue, and I climb up on the table, and I'm like. And I'm in a nice dress because I'm in the wedding. And so. And the wedding is also, by the way, about to start. And so I am, like, up. My ass is in the air. And I'm, like, trying to, like, finish it to make sure. And they turn it so that maybe it's not. So thank God it was not in the middle of the venue. It was like. And so I'm turning it, and then I hear the voice of the groom by the doorway, and I'm literally like. And he says, oh, I really just want to check out how it looks and see the cake. And I think, fuck, I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked right now. And then I don't know what happened. He stopped right before the door, and then he went, you know what? No, I don't. I don't want to ruin it for myself, and walked away. And I was like, I don't know what happened, but holy crap. So I grab, like, flowers. Like, I'm grabbing flowers off the arrangements. I'm like, the florist will never know. And I'm just kind of like, you know, fixing it and fixing it. And then I fixed it, and it looked. It looked good because I'm really good at fucking icing cakes. And then we have to run because the wedding planner's like, you know, where are you? Comes running in. She's like, where are you guys? You know, it's supposed to be. And we come running in, and we sit down, and it's like two seconds before I'm supposed to step up and read. And my husband leans over, and he says to me. He says to me, I'm really proud of you. You really fucking pulled it together, and you did it. And then he kind of leaned in, and I thought, like, oh, he's gonna kiss me really nice and romantic. And all he did was sort of wipe a huge thwack of icing off the top of my head and, like, whacked it on the floor before I had to get up and give this, like, read this nice, nice poem. So it turned out that later on, the bride and groom thanked me because this was the thing that went wrong at their wedding. Something always goes wrong at a wedding. And they've always said when they talk about their wedding, they've always said that I was the thing that went wrong at their wedding. And thanks to me, they had no idea that really happened to me. So please don't ever ask me to make a cake. Please. I will not do it again. When I was about 21 or 22, somehow I came across a lifestyle size cardboard cutout of the character Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. He was life size Vico Mortensen, straight from the movies, wearing his bow and arrow and leather. And he looked so sexy. And it was a full life size cutout, like taller than the average person just standing in the middle of the room. And I just had so much fun, fun with that thing. I took it everywhere that I moved throughout college, my apartments. I took it to work, I put it in so many damn places on April Fool's Day, I got so many people to be pissed off at me. But one morning my roommate was about to take a shower and I shared the bathroom with her. So I snuck in and I put life size Vika Mortensen behind the shower curtain so that when she was completely nude about to step into this morning shower, she would be greeted face to face with a six foot tall fighting human dressed like a Lord of the Rings character. I have never heard someone scream so loud as I did that morning. Don't. You smiled, I looked into your eyes and I knew I'd be loving you.
- [39:54]
Hope Brush
Well, this is Risk. That was Kristin Rutherford, followed by a song from Brenda Taylor and an anecdote from Sasha Lilac. This is Aretha Franklin behind me now. At the time Kristen told that story, she was the head writer and creative producer of the Nerdist show on BBC America. These days she's working more as a photographer and she's currently the lead writer of the Crunchyroll Anime Awards. Live from Tokyo. You can check out her work@kristinrutherford.com or on Instagram Hristonian spelled with a K. Okay, I think we have time for one more quick anecdote.
- [40:41]
Soraya
I was staying with my friends for about a week and the night before I was leaving Saturday evening, they were going out to dinner and they invited me and I said, no, no, no, you, you go to dinner. I have to pack because I'm leaving tomorrow. While they were gone, I proceeded to hide 100 baby pigs about the size of one knuckle on your thumb. 100 baby pink pigs all throughout the house. Some I put on top of a lamp or behind a picture frame or in a drawer. I think I put one in the mixer and then I waited, you know, I was hoping really hard that they wouldn't notice that night or the next morning. So the next morning I leave. About an hour after I've left, I just get a text message. How many? And they noticed one right away. It was, like, behind a plant. And so then they went through the house looking for these pigs, and they thought it was great fun. And they thought there were 20 pigs, and then they found the 21st. Then they thought, okay, well, there must be 30. So they found 30 pigs, and they felt good, okay, we're done. Then they found the 31st. So by the time I talked to them a few hours later, they said, okay, we found 50. Is that how many there are? And I was like, 50 is a good number. And I said, oh, which places were the best ones that you found? And they were telling me, and I said, oh, did you like the mini pig I put next to your pig on the windowsill in the kitchen? And they were like, what? And so they found the 51st pig. So I have not told them how many pigs there are, but they found 86.
- [42:30]
Hope Brush
That was Danielle Mounier. Thank you to everyone who submitted an April Fool's Day anecdote for this episode. That's all for this week, but if you like bagpipes, make sure to come back next week to listen to Taj's conversation with Jamie Stewart, which I know will be full of surprises, but that's next week. Until then, remember, today's the day to go prank your friends.
- [42:56]
Ryan Reynolds
Sa.