RISK! – "How Can I Tell You?" (January 27, 2026)

Main Theme:
This episode dives into the courage and complexity of telling the stories we most fear or avoid, centering on moments of difficult truth-telling and the toll—and magic—of breaking long-held silences. True to the RISK! ethos, these stories are raw, unsparing, and profoundly real, illuminating the power of sharing even the most painful personal experiences.

Key Discussion Points & Stories

Introduction by Kevin Allison

• Kevin sets the tone for the episode, describing it as "Stories about Difficult Conversations or the stories we put off Telling, sometimes for too long" [01:38].
• He introduces the episode's two main storytellers, noting that the second story features a rare, intimate audio from his online workshop.

Story 1: "In Ways I Never Could Have Imagined"

Told by Stella Meyerhoff (Starts at [03:17])

Childhood Awe and Seeds of Adventure

• Stella's formative memory: Saturday mornings, searching for the perfect VHS—her favorite, a Jacques Cousteau documentary, sparks a lifelong love of animals and exploration.
• Quote:

  "I’m pretty sure this singlehandedly ruined any chance of me ever winning 90s trivia as an adult, but I spent so many mornings watching that movie... it sparked this love of animals and of adventure in me."
  — Stella Meyerhoff [03:57]

Becoming a Primatologist

• College elective in primate behavior reignites that childhood wonder.
• Decision to work with bonobos stems from admiration of their female-dominated, peaceful societies.
• Bonobos only exist in one nation: the hazardous jungles of the Democratic Republic of Congo. Despite warnings—"It will be hard in ways you never could have imagined"—she takes the leap.

Life at a Congo Field Site

• The journey in is harrowing: multi-day travel, bush planes landing in fields, trekking, river crossings.

• Camp life:

  • Social "pressure cooker" with a tight group of international and local researchers.
  • Only basic amenities: tent living, river water, a single solar panel powering equipment, and rare, text-only radio email.

• Vivid characters:

  • Toko: Endlessly cheerful local who nicknames Stella "Tombe" for her clumsiness.
  • Moke: Older, extremely arrogant local researcher who clashes with Stella as he resists her as a young woman giving instructions.

The Hardships and the Magic

• Brutal environmental conditions:

  • Physical exhaustion, attacks from driver ants, sandpaper vines producing burning rashes, close encounters with elephants, leopards, and venomous snakes.
  • Quote:

    "I will never forget my favorite moment in Congo. Suddenly I was walking through the forest, completely surrounded in every direction by bonobos, just walking alongside me. I remember... it was the closest I had ever experienced to real magic."
    — Stella Meyerhoff [18:53]

• The day-to-day:

  • Early rises, shadowing the bonobos, gathering data and biological samples.
  • The locals move with remarkable ease, highlighting her own struggle.

The Story’s Emotional Core: Telling a Difficult Truth

• Crisis: A stranger arrives from the distant village. Stella is tasked with finding Moke in the forest to deliver urgent news.

• She finds him after hours and delivers a lie per villagers’ instructions: that his son is very ill, not that he has already died.

• Quote:

  "Votre babee etre malade. Vous devez retuner au villages. Your baby is very sick, and you need to go back to the village immediately. But that was a lie. The truth was that Moke’s baby boy had already died from malaria."
  — Stella Meyerhoff [22:50]

• The long, silent walk back—with both of them knowing, on some level, the gravity of what’s unsaid.

Aftermath, Grief, and Unexpected Connection

• Stella’s private heartbreak upon realizing she helped ferry a father toward the worst day of his life.

• Moke returns weeks later, transformed by grief, his once-boisterous presence hollowed out.

• On Stella’s final day, Moke surprises her with two wooden gifts, a ring inscribed with his name and a self-carved statuette—an unspoken gesture of connection across a shared, painful memory.

• Quote:

  "I knew in that moment that he wasn’t the loud, brash man that I had first met. But in the hollowness of who he’d become, there was this small glimmer that was unmistakably Moke."
  — Stella Meyerhoff [26:34]

• Reflection:

  • Clouded with hardship and impossible heartbreak, these experiences leave Stella softer, more perceptive.
  • Closing thought:

    "Even through hardship and the most unfathomable moments of heartbreak, there are these moments of magic... And it is wonderful in ways I never could have imagined."
    — Stella Meyerhoff [27:37]

Story 2: "Unfolding"

Told by Rebecca Heron (Workshop session, starts at [33:23])

Framing: The Cost of an Untold Story

• Rebecca frames her story in light of a recent family emergency: her uncle found unconscious, now in advanced dementia, left haunted by the effects of childhood sexual abuse he never shared.

• The burden of unspoken trauma—his story "just sort of ate him alive"—serves as warning and motivation for Rebecca to speak her own truth.

• Quote:

  "He never found a place where there was an outlet that he was comfortable with... now he’s sort of beyond where he can even tell his story because of the dementia."
  — Rebecca Heron [33:55]

The Struggle to Voice Her Story

• Rebecca describes hesitant, cyclical thinking as she attempts (and struggles) to structure her narrative, mirroring how trauma fragments memory.

Childhood Tools for Coping with Pain

• Recounts suffering severe childhood earaches—her father teaches her self-hypnosis and guided imagery to manage the pain.

• Memorable moment:

  "There was so much pain and he would come in and just sort of guide me into this really beautiful soft spot where I could sort of detach myself from this pain."
  — Rebecca Heron [00:06] (reiterated at [35:10])

• This mental sanctuary becomes a recurring tool throughout traumatic events in life.

The Assault and the 'Folding' Metaphor

• As a teenager, Rebecca is raped by a trusted boyfriend who suddenly ignores her boundaries.

• She describes, in haunting, physical detail, how she copes: drawing on that childhood mental escape to survive, imagining herself as a piece of paper folding inward, becoming small and detached.

• Notable excerpt:

  "I envisioned myself just sort of folding in to this piece of paper and just sort of staying there. And while everything else was going on that he was doing it was very painful. I just sort of stayed in that piece of paper and became very small. And that core became very, very deep inside."
  — Rebecca Heron [37:07]

• The metaphor of the folded paper—put away, washed and worn, hiding the painful center—captures years of not telling and the long-term effort to ‘show people why I am the way I am.’

Facing the Fear of Unfolding

• Now, watching her uncle become "beyond being able to tell a story," Rebecca fears the consequences of continued silence.

• The risk: "Once you open it up, you can’t ever put it back again."

• End note:

  "I think about me and my story and this piece of paper that has the writing on it deep down inside, but once I open it up, I can’t put it back. And that’s really scary. But I don’t want to become like my uncle who is beyond being able to tell a story."
  — Rebecca Heron [42:45]

• She credits the safety and support of the storytelling workshop for making it possible to open up.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On grief and human transformation:

  "This was a man who used to walk into camp like a storm and he now looked as if somehow grief had, like, reached inside of him and just taken out all that was within him and left behind something that somewhat resembled him."
  — Stella Meyerhoff [25:56]

• On the ‘folded paper’ of trauma:

  "But it’s like once you open it up, you can’t ever put it back again."
  — Rebecca Heron [42:40]

• On the magic of survival and connection:

  "There are these moments of magic... it's wonderful in ways I never could have imagined."
  — Stella Meyerhoff [27:37]

• On the urgency of telling the hardest stories:

  "I don’t want to become like my uncle who is beyond being able to tell a story."
  — Rebecca Heron [42:53]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:17] – Stella Meyerhoff begins "In Ways I Never Could Have Imagined"
• [18:53] – Stella’s “closest to real magic” moment with bonobos
• [22:50] – Delivering the devastating news to Moke
• [26:34] – The return of Moke; gifts and healing
• [33:23] – Rebecca Heron begins "Unfolding"
• [35:10] – The origin of Rebecca's self-soothing hypnosis
• [37:07] – The assault and the ‘folding’ metaphor
• [42:40] – The fear and risk of “unfolding” after trauma

Tone and Approach

The episode is gentle, searching, and deeply human. Kevin’s interstitials highlight the sacredness of telling the stories we dread and the community that makes such storytelling possible. Both storytellers exemplify vulnerability and courage, giving voice to the otherwise unspeakable parts of their lives.

Summary: Why Listen?

How Can I Tell You? is a searing, wholly honest exploration of the stories we keep hidden and what happens when they're finally spoken aloud. Stella's journey through peril, grief, and wonder in the Congolese jungle is as riveting as it is moving, while Rebecca’s story—raw, fragmented, and ultimately luminous—reveals the lifelong stakes of finding (or never finding) the words. Both stories leave listeners with the sense that, as hard as sharing the truth may be, the alternative—lifelong silence—is the greater risk.

For more information or to submit your own story to RISK!: risk-show.com/submissions