Sexploration

Summary

RISK! Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: RISK!
Episode: Sexploration
Air Date: January 20, 2026
Host: Kevin Allison
Featured Storytellers: Shem, JC Cassis (host segment), Noye Brown West

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Episode Overview

This “Sexploration” episode of RISK! brings together deeply personal and hilarious stories about sexuality, identity, medical trauma, and body autonomy. True to RISK!’s uncensored ethos, these stories explore unspoken depths of shame, desire, adversity, and discovery. Kevin Allison and contributors share tales that are by turns funny, raw, and poignant, spotlighting how our most taboo or awkward experiences shape us.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Shem’s Guide to Sexuality

[03:29 - 15:54]

Storyteller: Shem

Background and Setup

• Shem grew up as a neurodivergent, nerdy child of immigrants in South London, raised by a strict, divorced Jehovah’s Witness father.
• Their outsider status made them a frequent target for school bullies:

  “I was what you might call a target rich environment for bullies.” [03:42, Shem]

The Bullying Dynamic

• Yaziz, the only other working-class Black child in school, becomes Shem’s main tormentor.
• Notably, Yaziz humiliates Shem by dumping yogurt on his crotch and telling everyone Shem had “cummed on himself.”
• Eventually, after catching Shem forging a parent’s signature, Yaziz recruits them to do all his homework. An uneasy friendship forms.

Cultural & Sexual Awakening

• Visiting Yaziz’s lively, Ghanaian Muslim home exposes Shem to Black cultural touchpoints suppressed in their own upbringing (e.g., rap music, slang, FUBU, Wu-Tang).
• Yaziz lends Shem a book: Women On Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies by Nancy Friday, which Shem reads in secret.

  “Suddenly I was engulfed in the multifaceted lead and complex sexuality of middle aged American women." [06:57, Shem]

Impact & Self-Discovery

• The book feels “too adult” but profoundly expands Shem’s awareness of sexual diversity, pleasure, and especially vulnerability.

• The stories in the book show it's possible “to be weird and desired,” helping Shem understand they are queer and nonbinary—even if they lack exact language.

  “I felt weird, but that it was okay to be weird and there was a space and place for weird people and that it was even possible to be weird and desired.” [09:36, Shem]

• Years later, as adults, Yaziz credits Shem with academic success, never realizing the other gift he gave by giving Shem that book.

  “He has no idea what he did for me and he doesn’t listen to podcasts, so it’s gonna stay that way.” [15:41, Shem]

Notable Quote

“From what I had gathered, the male orgasm was... Whereas the female orgasm was: a small galaxy was birthed within me, stars crumbled through my body, vibrating with possibility and tingled as I awoke him.” [08:13, Shem]

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2. JC Cassis on “The Joy of Sex” and the Mystery of the Big Toe

[15:55 - 19:07]

Host/Segment: JC Cassis (post-Shem on stage at Caveat)

Discovering Classic Sex Literature

• JC Cassis confesses to reading The Joy of Sex as an adult (having grown up without it in the house).
• Surprised, not by the drawings, but by the book’s repeated advice: that men should stimulate their partner’s clitoris with their big toe.

  “Literally a handful of times... the guy keeps advocating for putting his naked big toe on his female partner’s clitoris.” [16:24, JC Cassis]

Audience Poll & Comedic Take

• Cassis polls the audience: almost universally, a “no” to the big toe, with maybe one “maybe.”
• Wraps with a blanket sex rule:

  “Treat somebody else's clitoris the way you would want your clitoris treated.” [19:00, JC Cassis]

Notable Moment

• Cassis’s incredulity at the advice (“What the... How does everyone know this book? And everyone has overlooked the repeated proclamations of, like, you’re not doing sex right if you’re not putting your big toe on a woman’s clitoris.” [17:29, JC Cassis]) is both hilarious and a great example of RISK!’s unfiltered approach.

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3. Noye Brown West – “When I Came”

[22:10 - 43:29]

Storyteller: Noye Brown West

Medical Trauma and Racial Bias

• Noye shares a series of harrowing encounters with American healthcare, beginning in childhood with the negligent medical care that led to the death of her baby sister and her mother’s near-death.
• Expounds on how language barriers and systemic racism affect medical outcomes for minorities, sharing many personal health struggles: bleeding ulcer at 12, hip fracture at 13, OCD undiagnosed for 5 years due to racism and bias.

The Colonoscopy Journey

• Noye, due to a family history of cancer and personal precancerous findings, must endure frequent colonoscopies from the age of 20.

• Describes the elaborate prepping rituals (clear liquids, hotel rooms to spare roommates, pre-emptive coping strategies).

  “Not me, Ms. OCD was like, I'm gonna do that two days before. I want my shits to be clear. All right? I was familiar with anal.” [26:31, Noye]

• Details the stress and trauma that build as doctors are dismissive, and one OB-GYN’s negligence necessitates a hysterectomy (the loss of uterus and cervix).

Sex, Kink, and Orgasm on the Table

• The story’s climax (pun intended) comes when, following an especially stressful and overdue colonoscopy, Noye wakes up realizing she’d had an orgasm during the procedure:

  “Turns out when I came to, I had come to. All right? I had an orgasm after my, or during my colonoscopy, I guess.” [39:10, Noye]

• The staff act awkwardly, perhaps embarrassed. Her husband takes it in stride:

  "That sounds like you. Sounds like something you do." [41:00, Noye]

• Noye jokes about looking up the price of endoscopes for new kink inspiration, and interprets not getting billed for the procedure as a sign the hospital just wants her to go away.

Advocacy and Takeaway

• Concludes with reminders about the importance of self-advocacy in healthcare, especially amid systemic injustice, and the strange comfort found in bodily absurdities.

  “You can have so much fear around medical procedures, and rightfully so... but then you have that one, like, amazing one that just feels so good, and you just feel so silly about it after.” [42:43, Noye]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Shem: “I was engulfed in the multifaceted lead and complex sexuality of middle aged American women.” [06:57]
• JC Cassis: “There’s no way this is happening again.” [17:28], regarding repeated “big toe” advice in The Joy of Sex.
• Noye Brown West: “Turns out when I came to, I had come to.” [39:10], beautifully summing up the twist of orgasm on the operating table.
• Noye’s Husband: “Yeah, that sounds like you. Sounds like something you do.” [41:00]

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Rousing Call to Action & Closing Reflection

[43:30 - 49:24]

• Kevin Allison closes with a passionate statement on injustice, referencing the murder of Renee Nicole Good and broader abuses of power by ICE and the U.S. government, urging collective action and storytelling as tools for change:

  “We must be telling our stories. We must be helping other people tell their stories. We must be organizing, protesting, boycotting, calling representatives. The generations of the future will be asking: what did you do when the threat to humanity was greater… than ever before in the history of our species?” [44:45, Kevin Allison]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Shem’s Story: [03:29 - 15:54]
• JC Cassis on Sex Books: [15:55 - 19:07]
• Noye Brown West’s Story: [22:10 - 43:29]
• Kevin Allison’s Closing Reflection: [43:30 - 49:24]

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Episode Tone & Style

The episode is deeply personal, daring, and laced with both comedy and vulnerability. Every contributor bravely shares the kinds of stories often buried by shame, inviting laughter and empathy in equal measure. The explicit honesty and occasional raunchiness is balanced by moments of tenderness and, finally, urgent political advocacy.

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Takeaway

“Sexploration” is classic RISK!: boundary-pushing, hilarious, and meaningful. Through stories about sex, medical mishaps, and the politics of bodies and belonging, the episode reminds listeners that the everyday — even our messiest, oddest moments — is rich with meaning, possibility, and the power to connect.

Transcript

[Kevin Allison]

On this episode of Risk, you'll hear.

[Shem]

I was engulfed in the multifaceted lead and complex sexuality of middle aged American women.

[JC Cassis]

And you'll hear, so he thought I was drinking beer and I was like, nah, laxative. Okay.

[Kevin Allison]

And me, Kevin Allison, on the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share.

[JC Cassis]

We'll be right back. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[1-800-Contacts Advertiser]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh my gosh, they're so fast.

[JC Cassis]

And breathe.

[1-800-Contacts Advertiser]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[Experian Advertiser]

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[Kevin Allison]

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[Experian Narrator]

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[Experian Advertiser]

Experian.

[JC Cassis]

We'Re back.

[Kevin Allison]

Hello folks. This episode is called sexploration. Not an uncommon theme for us on this show. Now listen, I am going to say some things at the end of this episode about our American family this year. But first I'm going to tell you just two quick things before we hear our first story. First, we want to do a Risk live show in Bangkok this spring. If you want to see a Risk show in Bangkok this spring or be in a Risk live show in Bangkok this spring, email me at kevinrisk-show.com Second, we will soon be hearing a story from Noye Brown west later in the episode. But to start things off, we're going to hear a story by Shem recorded at Caveat in September of 2025. JC Cassis was hosting the show in New York that night and she followed Shem's story with some thoughts of her own. Thoughts about big toes and clits. But first we're going to hear from Shem. And Shem's story is called Shem's Guide to Sexuality.

[Shem]

Hello, my name's Shem and I'm going to tell you a story about my complicated relationship with my childhood bully. Now don't worry, it's not sad. In fact, you're fully allowed and encouraged to laugh at many points in this. It makes me feel sad when you don't. So like that. That's all I need. Thank you so much. I grew up in South London many moons ago and I was a child of immigrants. I was neurodivergent, I was nerdy. And I was raised by my divorced dad who was a very, very strict Jehovah's Witness. So I was what you might call a target rich environment for bullies. I remember at one point I was at school and they went, miss, Miss, they're making fun of me. And then she went, yeah. I mean, you know, and then gestured at me as if to go, yeah, I assume that's your whole thing. But I've always believed that you can read your way out of any problem. So the upside of not having any friends was I had phenomenal grades. And by the time. It's true. So by the time I was 11, I was in the top tier of my classes. In the school I went to, they streamed everyone. So all the children lived in constant fear of being promoted or relegated. And you're assessed on a sort of weekly basis, like an early version of squid game, if you will. That was my educational environment and it was in this class where I met Yaziz. Yaziz was the only other working class black child and I was assuming I had an ally. What I was soon to discover was Yaziz would become my biggest bully. He had an insider knowledge about race and class that he very much used to his advantage in what I now know as deflection. So he would torment me daily. I remember distinctly once Yaziz got a giant tub of yogurt and threw it on my crotch and then pointed and went, yo. Shem just cummed on himself. And everybody, students and teachers alike for the whole day laughed at me. It's fine. I was crushed, but mostly because it was very funny. Like you're not picturing a small child walking around with a giant cumsay on them. Every time you see them, everyone's just like, that's what it is. So I was, you know, crushed. And I just assumed this torment would continue forever until one day Yaziz catches me forging my father's signature. Now there's one thing you should know about Jehovah's Witnesses is that they're really keen on you not doing anything. So Every time there was a school trip to like the library, the museum, a farm, anything like that, I was like, no, you can't do it. And I was a God fearing child, yes. But I was also a massive nerd and I just really wanted to go to the library. It just seemed so exciting. So I decided, forgive me but I'm going to forge my father's signature on a permission slip. And Yaziz sees this and he's like, yes, you can just do anyone's handwriting though. And I was like, why yes, I've been reading books on medieval calligraphy. And the light bulb went off in Yaziz's head and he said, so could you lie, do my homework though in it? And like that the tormenting ceased and an unlikely friendship began. Soon after, I was every single day at Yaziz's house doing all of his homework across the curriculum. Math, English, science, art, history, all giving him specific, achievable, believable grades with keynotes about the topics covered in case there are any follow up questions. I wasn't being bullied and I got to do extra homework. It was a win win. I was so excited. And Yaziz's house was just the polar opposite of my upbringing. He was Ghanaian. It was full of like culture and food. There was like fun Muslim literature everywhere. There was like fun fabrics. His family spoke to each other. I loved was so exciting. So I would just spend a lot of time at Yaziz's house doing his work for him. And then after a while he decided that he was going to teach me about black culture. Now if you're just listening to this, I have to stress I am black. But he was deciding to teach me about all the things about black culture that Jehovah had been hiding from me. Just as a side tangent, once my father came and when I was very young he heard me listening to rap music and he said none of that. Twisted the dial and then put it on an American country and western station. And that was all the music I knew growing up with. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of Brooks and Dunn and Garth Brooks. It's a nightmare up here. But Yaziz decided he would fix all that. So he started teaching me about slang, he started teaching me about cool clothing, about like rap music. He introduced me to the Wu Tang Clan raw I'm a give itcher like old trivia I'm a cold king straight from Bolivia My hip hop will waka chap the nation like the Emancipation Proclamation I don't know what song that's from, but that's still in my head. He even told me what FUBU stands for. It's for Us by Us and I'm Us. It was basically a version of the 2001 movie Save the Last Dance, except I'm Julia Stiles. This is humiliating to say out loud, but then one day Yaziz decides he's going to teach me about sex. Now I don't know why Izzy's decided he's going to teach me about sex. I definitely didn't ask. I think maybe retroactively it was penance for the yogurt thing, who knows? But he runs up into his elder sister's room, steals a book, goes down and says, yeah, read this. Yeah, it's got bare rude words in it. Now, I don't know how to sum up my 11 year old attitude to sex other than I was terrified. I'm maybe certain that Jehovah had let the museum thing slide, but there was no way he was okay with sex. That was 100% a thing that bad kids did. But I was curious and it was a book, albeit one with rude words in it. So I semi reluctantly put it in my book bag and and slinked home. That afternoon I hid up in the attic with the remnants of my father's musical instruments from his career as a folk star punk singer in the 70s. He's a very complicated man, but I only have 10 minutes so I can't get into that and I pulled the book out of my bag and read the COVID which was Women on How Real Life Has Changed Women's Sexual Fantasies by Nancy Friday. That was in my mind exciting, but felt maybe too adult for an 11 year old. Spoiler alert. It was it's maybe too adult for some 30 year old men. I cracked the COVID and suddenly I was engulfed in the multifaceted lead and complex sexuality of middle aged American. I was 11. I'd never held someone's hand. And suddenly I was thrust into a world of passion, emotion, and most of all, vulnerability. There were women with women, men with men, women with men, and women and everything in between. It was scary, it was titillating, but most of all it was really intimate. I didn't know much about sex. I was 11. But from what I had gathered, the male orgasm was. Whereas the female orgasm was a small galaxy was birthed within me. Stars crumbled through my body, vibrating with possibility and tingled as I awoke him. What you can set off like a poem inside someone's body and most importantly A lot of these women spoke about their pain and the feelings they were feeling and how they were like pushing through that pain to allow themselves to feel joy. And it really spoke and connected to me. And I imagined myself reading this book and then seeing these women and then just sort of looking at them and going, miss, excuse me, I know you're in a lot of pain and life's hard and I get that. Like, I'm in a lot of pain too. And I'm just happy you're having a nice time. Okay, thanks, Bye. It was the opposite of. Of arousal. I felt weird, but that it was okay to be weird and there was a space and place for weird people and that it was even possible to be weird and desired. I knew in that moment that I was definitely queer, even though I didn't have the language for it, because I knew I was definitely non binary and I 100% didn't have the language for that. But I also knew that I wasn't alone and I wouldn't be alone despite all of this. And I don't think I've been that excited about possibility. The best way I can describe it is when I was reading my favorite book, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And then I discovered it's not just one book, it's a trilogy. And then I discovered it's not a trilogy, it's a trilogy with five books. And then I discovered it's not even a book, it's a radio series with six seasons plus books, plus two movies, plus there's Dirt Gently's holistic detective Agency. Like that sentence is not for most of you, but much like my sexuality, it doesn't matter. It's not for you. I stayed up the whole night reading that book and finished it. I was a voracious reader. The next day I returned it to Yazis. He looked at me and went, it's got bare rude words in it. I went, quite years later, when we're both middle aged adults, I bump into Yaziz on the streets of South London. He has a child and he starts, he's so excited to meet me. He like points at his kid and goes, this kid here? Yeah. He did my homework for five years. He kept me in school and he got me into uni. Yeah. Big up. He has no idea what he did for me and he doesn't listen to podcasts, so it's gonna stay that way. Okay, I'm in. Shem, thank you so much.

[Experian Advertiser]

One more time for Shem. I love that I Also had a formative experience with a book about sex recently. You know how everybody talks about how their parents had the book the Joy of Sex on their shelves growing up? My parents did not have that book. And so I've been trying to, like, read all the books and listen to all the music that, like, everybody's always talked about, but I've never had any exposure to. So recently I read the ebook of the Joy of Sex.

[JC Cassis]

People talk about, like, oh, I looked.

[Experian Advertiser]

In that book and there were, like, drawings of dicks and vaginas and boobs and, like, wow, that's not the interesting thing about that book. Has anybody actually read the Joy of Sex fully? One lady. Okay, tell me if you can corroborate this. Okay, I was reading the Joy of Sex literally a handful of times. Not even just one time. The guy keeps advocating for putting his naked big toe on his female partner's clitoris.

[JC Cassis]

That's weird.

[Experian Advertiser]

Do you remember that part?

[JC Cassis]

What?

[Experian Advertiser]

You don't remember it? Okay, we'll read it again because it is worth it, because it's so funny. This guy keeps coming back to this where I saw it the first time, and I was just like, that can't be right. Maybe it was just a typo. And then 30 pages later, he's like, you know, if you're in the missionary position with your partner, one thing the man might want to do is get off the woman, turn around, crawl a few steps away, and take his big toe and just place it on his partner's clitoris. And I'm just like, there's no way this is happening again.

[JC Cassis]

You know?

[Experian Advertiser]

And then I'm like, maybe there's two typos. Maybe the editor is weird. What the hell is going on? So I keep reading, and then, like, 70 pages later, it's like, now listen, you're gonna wanna set a romantic mood before a night of lovemaking, especially if you've been with your wife for a long time. Here's what I suggest. One great aphrodisiac activity is to go out to a romantic restaurant and have dinner. Now, I do recommend that you go to a white tablecloth restaurant. Why? I'll tell you why. Because a white tablecloth is the perfect cover for you to slip your shoe and sock off under the table, take your big toe and stick it on your wife's clitoris under the table, and no one will be the wiser. And I'm just like, what the. How does everyone know this book? And everyone has overlooked the repeated proclamations of, like, you're not doing sex right if you're not putting your big toe on a woman's clitoris. And I'm here to tell you, you are doing sex right if you're not putting your big toe in a woman's clitoris. Okay, I don't want that. And I just. But you know, it's fine if you do. But I don't. And I just want to take a poll of the room ladies or anybody with a clitoris. Would you like someone to put their big toe on it, yes or no?

[JC Cassis]

No.

[Experian Advertiser]

I heard a maybe and I like that.

[Candace Dillard Bassett]

Good for you.

[Experian Advertiser]

Okay, do we have any yeses? Okay, so we've got one maybe and 60 no's. I think that is a good statistic to go off of if you're thinking of putting your big toe on somebody's clitoris. And of course, the golden rule is treat somebody else's clitoris the way you would want your clitoris treated.

[JC Cassis]

We'll be right back.

[Candace Dillard Bassett]

What's up, guys? I'm Candace Dillard Bassett and you may know me from my time on the Real Housewives of Potomac or as a part of the latest cast of the Traitors.

[Shem]

And I'm Michael Arseneault, author of the New York Times bestseller I Can't Date Jesus.

[Candace Dillard Bassett]

On our podcast, Undomesticated, we don't just say the quiet parts out loud. We're putting it all on the kitchen table and inviting you into the chaos.

[Shem]

If you're ready for bold takes, real talk and a little fun, come join.

[Candace Dillard Bassett]

Us, listen to and follow Undomesticated and Odyssey podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts, we're back.

[Kevin Allison]

This is Risk. This is Family Kush behind me now. And we just heard a little bit from JC Cassis, who could not be more profoundly misguided about Footplay. And before that we heard from Shem, who is an award winning director, slash writer, hyphen actor, colon musician who hails from the UK yet moved to America thinking it was somehow less racist. There were has been featured in the BBC Vice ucb. You can find Shem on Instagram at the Foundation Comedy. Well folks, we have a new bonus story out now from Jen Kober on our Patreon. Sounds something like this.

[JC Cassis]

My dog looked me right in the eye and she said the answer is waiting at the water.

[Shem]

What?

[Kevin Allison]

And there's plenty more where that came from. You can watch our live shows from anywhere in the world. You can get the ad free feed of the podcast, you get all of our bonus stories, our check ins, and most importantly, you'll be making it possible for Risk to continue to exist. You can do all of that by joining our [e-mail] risk or increasing your donation there. Or you can make a one time donation at PayPal, me risk and jump on in to my next storytelling workshop. It starts Friday the 14th. That's a Sunday at 10am Eastern time. It'll be eight Sundays after that at the same time on Zoom. Email me at kevinrisk-show.com to learn more.

[Shem]

Now.

[Kevin Allison]

Next up, a story from Noye Brown west that was recorded at Caveat in New York in July of 2024. Here she is now with a story we call When I Came.

[JC Cassis]

So my story is about medical trauma. And I started experiencing medical trauma very early. I lost a baby sister because of negligence. My parents are foreign and lots of studies have come out recently where you now see that if English is not your first language, then you do not fare well in the American medical process, I should say. But I lost a little sister because my mother was, she was maybe two weeks out of her due date and she started just bleeding. And they just kept her in the waiting room. Kept her in the waiting room. I was about 8 years old. My mom and my dad had left to, you know, they were just excited. They were like, oh, the baby's coming, the baby's coming. And me and my two older sisters stayed home. When my dad came in, we were so excited. We ran up to him. We were like, daddy, daddy, the baby, it's born, like is a girl or a boy. Because, you know, we liked intrigue, right? We didn't ask them right away. We just had assumed it was a boy. But she was a girl. And that was the first time I ever saw my father cry. And that's like a very traumatic experience seeing your parents cry for the first time. My mother, a stone, never really saw her cry, even after all of this, right? And she almost died herself. So fast forward. And I happened to be the sickly child when I was 8. I didn't know that. By the time I was 12, I knew that. You know, lots of stuff started happening to me. I had a bleeding ulcer as a 12 year old. And you're probably thinking, what was so stressful in her life to make her have a bleeding ulcer as a 12 year old? Turns out I was just gross. And I had H. Pylori, that bacteria that gives you ulcers. Okay. I was a very dirty tomboy kid. All right, all right. So I almost died in the Hospital. Then I remember the last thing I remember asking my doctor in the emergency room was if I'm going to live. And he didn't answer. You know, he just looked at me concerned and I passed out. And I just thought, okay, this is it. I'm dying at age 12. I hope they don't read my diary. A lot of misspellings. Okay. That's what I was most embarrassed about. So I went on to. I was a very active kid. So I went on to fracture my hip when I was 13. Very old people injuries I was getting as a child. Yeah, it was crazy. So fast forward and I'm in college and I start to experience mental illness for the first time or so I thought. I had a history of insomnia in high school that we just thought was insomnia due to stress of being in AP classes and trying really hard to get into college and all that stuff. But turned out that was the first symptom of my ocd. It took about five years for that to be diagnosed because again, there's a little bit of negligence when it comes to people of color in medicine in America. So it took about five years to fully diagnose that. I was so happy when I got that diagnosis. I was like, yeah, I'll take that Klonopin. Yeah.

[Shem]

Woo.

[JC Cassis]

And I was so excited. Then more things started to happen to me, so I transferred schools. I was going to Seton hall here in New Jersey for my. Yeah, yeah. For my freshman and sophomore year. Then in my junior year, I transferred to UMass Amherst and I didn't like it as much. Wasn't as diverse, wasn't as fun, you know. But I got to UMass and I lived off campus and I was just trying to enjoy the area and you know, there are a lot of like butchers. When I was really young, I grew up on a, like in a farmland. So I was like, oh, wow, I can get fresh butchered meat for so cheap around here. I was really trying to grasp at straw, right? I was like, that seems exciting. So I would go to the butcher, I'd get like, you know, freshly, you know, goat legs that were just cut off, you know, it was so good. And I was eating chicken fried steak like every day, which is not good for your body. Okay. Turns out. So I started bleeding again. But it was a different type of bleeding than the time I had the bleeding ulcer. The bleeding ulcer was like very dark blood. You know, I was throwing it up, I was shitting it out, you know. But this time it Was like redder blood. It just wasn't old blood. And I started to get concerned. But I had such a in depth medical history, and my family had such an in depth medical history at this point that I was actually kind of afraid. And I started to exhibit the first signs of medical trauma where I was being avoidant. I had anxiety. I was depressed about the situation. But my parents, they were scientists, and we were always on top of all of our shit. So I was like, let me just go to the doctor and figure out what's going on. I went to the doctor, and they were pretty concerned with what I was telling them, what they saw in my tests. I had to do some tests that I was familiar with when I was a kid, where you just take a little swab every day and you just stick it in your booty hole and you save it for your doctor and give it to them. And they were concerned with the amount of blood. So I had to schedule my first colonoscopy when I was 20 years old. So I was prepped. Remember, I have OCD, right? And it's under control. So I had a list. I had just coping skills that I was just using. I had all these mechanisms. So it would be the smoothest colonoscopy of all time. Okay? I made sure of it. So my first colonoscopy, they suggest that you stop having solid food a day before your colonoscopy. Normally, right? But not me, Ms. OCD was like, I'm gonna do that two days before. I want my shits to be clear. All right? I was familiar with anal. So two days before, I'm like, I'm just doing soup and broths, all right? I'm gonna be so ready. One of my best friends at the time, Simon, I was like, simon, check this out. I don't even need solid food. This is gonna be lit. All right? I rented a hotel. All right? I did. Cause I was like, I don't want my roommates to be sharing that one bathroom with me and gotta smell what's going on. Okay? So I rented a hotel. I was like, yeah, this is gonna be great. Called my dad just in case something happened. I was like, you gotta come. And case I die, that might happen. I was even that scared about that. Weird. So I go in for my first colonoscopy. All right? I do. I still have the depression, anxiety, the feeling of hopelessness, really attached to it. So I won't tell you how old I am. But back then, they used to put you under, right? To get a Colonoscopy. Now, they don't do that. They give you pretty good drugs. I'll tell you about those later. Okay. But back then, they used to put you under. So they put me under, and I just remember breathing really heavy, my heart rate going up. I wake up, and I'm expecting better news than I got. The news that I got was that I had clusters of precancerous cells that show that they will develop into colon cancer, because they can tell my clusters weren't the amount of clusters that someone who is terminal would have. I had about five, but that was still a lot for a 20 year old. So they said to me, you're gonna have to start getting colonoscopies every three years. I was like, okay, I can do that. I didn't really do that. You know, you get stressed about it, right? And then other things start to happen to you medically. You're like, oh, let me get on top of that as well. So years later, I had about. I think I had two colonoscopies in that time. They were both late. But then something started happening in my uterus. I had met somebody, and I had an IUD in, and that IUD started to come out by itself. They started to hit it every time we were having sex. Didn't feel good for their penis, right? So I was like, okay, time to figure out what's going on. I had an OB GYN that I trusted. Maybe I shouldn't have at the time. I go in for an ultrasound and I find out that I have uterine fibroids, which normal at the time. A lot of people had those. She said, oh, it looks like you just have one really big one. We can just roll it out. It'll be great. So I was like, yeah, let's schedule that. So schedule all the things I'm supposed to schedule, but nothing's happening. The surgery is not being scheduled. My OB gyn, who was my primary care at the time, decided at that moment to be negligent. So by the time I finally put my foot down, I was like, I really need this surgery. It was too late, and I needed a hysterectomy. I didn't want kids, but I wanted my organs. You know, it's nice to have them all. I tried to look at the. On the bright side again, though. I was like, okay, well, I won't have periods anymore. That's gonna be lit. I don't want kids. I don't need to use birth control anymore. That will be great. But she said something else. To me, she's like, oh, you need to be up to date on your colonoscopy. I see you're about a year late. And I was like, okay, yeah, I can do that. But there was more stress around it. For the first time in a couple colonoscopies, I had stress around it again. But the stress was just over the fact that I knew that I had a doctor that didn't care about me, and I needed more surgery because they neglected me. Right. So I go in for this colonoscopy, and it was, like, a really stressful one this time. But that's when they started giving you the propofol. Okay. And if people don't know what propofol is, that's fentanyl morphine mixed together. All right? Yeah. And then when they said fentanyl to me the first time, it spiked my blood pressure because Michael Jackson had just died. Right. And I was like, ah, fentanyl. But it's a really good drug. All right. When a doctor gives it to you. Okay. So that colonoscopy didn't go that well either. I had more clusters, so they had to shorten the amount of time between my colonoscopies to two years after that. But something that I had learned during that colonoscopy is that I can, like, do anything during the prep. That was kind of fun. So I had become, like, a road comic at the time, and I had a road gig that was, like, four hours away, and I was doing the prep on the way to the gig. On the way back from the gig, I got pulled over by a cop. And it was back when they used to let you do the little saline sodas instead of the big jug. They don't let you do those anymore, but the saline sodas. So he thought I was drinking beer, and I was like, nah, laxative. Okay, so let me go, right? So that's something I learned from that Kolonovsky. Fast forward. I moved to New York. That was when I lived in Boston. I had let my colonoscopies go a little bit again because I was just nervous about having a new doctor, a new gastroenterologist, just doing the whole thing again, where I had to tell everybody my medical history, show them pictures of my polyps, show them pictures of my tumors. I named my biggest fibroid Hector. I had to show them all these things, and it was just very stressful. But I did it. I was able to do it. I had another incident, though, something that kind of sped up the process, where all of a sudden I was bleeding again, and it was really, really scary. And my doctor was like, we need to get you in for an emergency colonoscopy. So that emergency colonoscopy was scheduled on my birthday. Yeah. Right. And the night before, I was like, you know what? I'm still going to go out. So nowadays they make you do the jugs again, Right. So I brought my big ass jug to a party that was actually a party for me and a friend. A joint birthday party. And it was a rooftop party. It was so fun. There was one bathroom, and I had this jug with me. We ran out of toilet paper at one point in the night. I was like, who did that? That's so crazy. I don't know who did that? That's so wild. Okay. I was able to finish the jug. I ran clear. Still doing the two days, no solid food thing that I coined years and years ago. Right? So I get into this colonoscopy. I'm feeling pretty good. Husband comes with me. He's the person that found my fibroids with his dick. All right? So I'm in good company. All right. It's my birthday. I just wanted some good news. The one thing I knew that was gonna be excellent on my birthday, the drugs. Okay. I was like, I can't wait for that propofol. All right? But you can't say that out loud or they put you on a list. All right? So I'm just waiting there, and I'm feeling pretty good. I had waited a long time to do this next colonoscopy because I do. I have medical trauma. I lost a sister. I lost a father to medical racism. And I just feel like I lost my uterus and my cervix to that as well. Right. And those are things that play in my head anytime I'm in there for surgery. They just do all the time. But I was being calm. I was like, all right, give me the drugs. Let me chillax. All right? And then I met the entire team, and they were all super hot, like, what is going on? That was wild. I'd only met my gastroenterologist, my New York osteoenterologist, and he was pretty high. I was like, okay, good looking, man. But then I met the whole team that day, and I was like, you are all beautiful. I'm bisexual. So I was, like, looking at all of them, like, wild. I was like, ooh, yes. All right. So that was a thought I had right before I went down. We'll say, okay, so I passed out. Like, you do when you're on opioids, because that is what it is, right? You're on heroin, essentially. That's what they give you. And when I come to you guys, I'm in the bed, and I'm noticing that I'm tingling in places I've never tingled before after colonoscopy. And I was just like, okay, that's a new feeling. After your colonoscopy, you're supposed to wipe off the goo that they use as the lubricant to get the endoscope in there so they give you a bunch of tissues until you go to the bathroom. When I go to the bathroom, as I'm walking, I'm like, oh, my thighs are a little bit more slippery than normal. This is a weird feeling because usually the only slippage is in the crack. All right? So I go to the bathroom, and I start to wipe, and I'm like, oh. Oh, my God. It feels like some of the goo came out of my pussy. Okay? I was like, that's interesting. That's a new feeling for me. All right, So I start wiping, and I'm like, oh, yeah. No, my clit is. Yeah, it's sensitive right now, and it's feeling the way it feels after an orgasm, y'. All. So it turns out when I came to, I had come to. All right? I had an orgasm after my. Or during my colonoscopy, I guess. I don't think it was after. I'm gonna tell you the context clues for why I think it was during. So it was my first all clear that I've ever had, which was great. There were no polyps. Amazing. No pre cancer or anything. I just had hemorrhoids. Great. I love a hemorrhoid. I don't even feel them anymore. I get so many of them. It's like I have a callous butthole. It's amazing, right? Just hemorrhoids. The fear was about nothing. Just a little hemorrhoid. But, you know, normally people are excited about that. Your doctor is excited. The nurses are excited. No one was excited, right? No one was really making a lot of eye contact with me. And I was like, oh, all right. Well, I think I came. I think I might have come on my doctor. I think I came all over my gastroenterologist and his team that I was thinking were hot before the fentanyl kicked in, y'. All. I go out to the waiting room after I eat my little cookies that they give you, you know, and have my juice. I'm just talking to my Husband, like, man, I think I had an orgasm. And he was like, yeah, that sounds like you. Sounds like something you do. But he was like, that makes sense. And I was like, that makes sense. He was like, listen, the nurses came out and they kept being like, happy anniversary. So we got married a week before my birthday. So our anniversary is a week before my birthday. And this was on my birthday. I was like, oh, maybe I just mention it. He was like, yeah, it was super weird. They kept smirking and saying, happy anniversary. And I was like, oh, my God, was I talking about our anniversary? As I came on my new hot New York doctors, I was devastated, Right. For the first time ever. Not because of my medical history, really, just because of something I did. And it's crazy to think because the feelings of intrusive thoughts that you get when you have medical trauma, like, they're normally just like, oh, my God, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. This is how so and so died. My intrusive thought, this is time. Was like, I'm coming. All right. Which is like a wild. It's a wild thing. Okay. So we go out. I usually always get, like a really big meal after my colonoscopies. Even though you're not supposed to. I always throw up. Then we went home and I started looking up how much endoscopes those little cameras cost on the Internet. Okay. Cause I'm like, obviously, I have a new kink. Okay. And then a few weeks passed and I got my bill, but it was like, not your average bill. I didn't get charged, which is amazing. This is like the best. They didn't charge me. I just feel like the New York entertainer insurance is really good. But also it's like hilarious that this, this time I did not get charged. Right? And I just read that in my mind, just like, oh, wow. They basically just said, you dirty bitch, please just leave me alone. I had a checkup. I had like the six month checkup after that. Because they do need to see you again. And my gastroenterologist did not want to see me. He sent in his new Nigerian doctor. I'm Nigerian too, also very hot. All right. And I was supposed to get an ultrasound. They didn't even do all that. I was experiencing pain in another region and they just gave me a prescription to Celebrex and sent me on my way. And I was just like, wow, they don't even want to talk to me anymore. All right. Felt like a one night stand. It did. It was crazy. I do say, all this though, because you can have so much fear around medical procedures and rightfully so. Right? But then you have that one like amazing one that just feels so good and you just feel so silly about it after that. Okay, but do advocate for yourself. I do say that too. You guys, I've been Nyoye Brown west. Have a great rest of your night.

[Kevin Allison]

This is Risk. This is Space Doves behind me now. And we just heard from Noye Brown west, who's appeared on Amazon, npr, Sirius, and Sway in the Morning and is a saint of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. You can find Know Ye Brown west online at nonifizzle now. Folks, I wanted to say this at the end of the episode today. I dearly hope we can make the murder of Renee Nicole good an inflection point. Historians say that by and large white Americans tend to ignore injustice until they see it happening to someone close to them or or at least someone who looks a lot like them. But I want you to look up the article in The Guardian titled 2025 was ICE's deadliest year in two decades. They have murdered a hell of a lot more than Rene. There's just no reality where what is happening is justifiable on any grounds. This brutality will take out anyone who comes into its path, including ICE agents. You know, you can't be causing so much destruction of lives without your own life being consumed by destruction. They're taking away our health care, our childcare, our ability to keep feeding ourselves, keep roofs over our heads in order to pay neo Nazis to shoot our neighbors in the face and rip families apart right in front of us and just cause terror and chaos in our streets while they post from government accounts actual Nazi slogans of the 30s. The budget of ICE is now larger than that of the FBI, the DEA and the ATF combined. It's larger than nearly any of the world's militaries. Trump told a reporter that Stephen Miller, the obvious psychopath in charge of all this domestic terrorism, wants to get the population of America down to 100 million. In other words, one way or another, getting rid of 240 million. Meanwhile, we're starting more wars, ending the international rules based order, all while the Epstein files were by law to be released on December 19th. And we got 1% of them so heavily redacted it's obvious they're not protecting the victims with those redactions. How many far worse things than we've seen so far even are in those files? I started talking on the podcast 10 years ago about how the time for a massive social movement, for a sea change, was past due. And I can't get any further past due than it is now, I think. And of course it's overwhelming. Most of us are just desperately trying to stay afloat. But any which way we can, we must be making more noise. We must be telling our stories. We must be helping other people tell their stories. We must be organizing, protesting, boycotting, calling representatives. The generations of the future will be asking, what did you do when the threat to humanity was greater, most likely, than it had ever been before in the history of our species? So what do we do? Okay, that's what I have to say tonight. This episode was directed by Hope Brush and edited by Jeff Barr. Shem's story was coached by Michelle Walson and edited by Hope Brush. Noya Brown West Story was also coached by Michelle Walson, also edited by Hope Brush. Thanks to our business director, J.C. cassis, who's working so hard to keep this business afloat and our casting director, Cindy Freeman, who wants you to send us your story [e-mail] submissions and I am Kevin Allison. Folks, today's the day. Take a risk.

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