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Kevin Allison (3:37)

Now here's the show hello folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, this is Whitney behind me now and we're calling this week's episode Thanksgivings. I know so well that there is so much to worry about to be concerned about right now, but we have to keep in mind the importance of gratitude. Did you know that another way to do a gratitude practice is to take a moment to pause, breathe and bring back into your memory a time that someone expressed gratitude to you, to let that experience come to life in your imagination as you kind of focus back on it. Or it could be a time you witnessed great gratitude being expressed between other people, but you were there. The point is that research shows that taking a moment to remember a real life experience of gratitude and to sort of savor that feeling in your imagination is really good for your mental health. Give it a try. You know, I'm going to be starting up my well being practices workshop next year. Again, I'm not sure exactly when, but that particular thing I just walked you through, that's an exercise we tried the last time around that we did the workshop. If you want in on it, email me at kevinrisk-show.com in any case, here are a couple of vicarious experiences of gratitude that you are about to have. In a little bit we're going to hear from Adam Cook, but before that a story from Mitch Appelbaum. Now the first time I heard this story was when Mitch attended one of our social events that we call what's yous Story. We're thinking of doing a what's yous Story online soon for our Patreon supporters. We want more and more Ways to be connecting with you all and ways to be helping you all to connect more as well. So we asked Mitch to share this at one of our New York shows a few months back. And here he is now. Mitch Appelbaum with a story we call five Words.

Mitch Appelbaum (7:27)

I am a real estate title closer and I love my job. I've been doing it for 40 years, still find it interesting, make my own schedule and I'm way overpaid. So what could be wrong? Well, thank you for asking. The problem with my job is I'm not really making a hands on effect on people's lives like a social worker would a teacher or somebody who works for the Peace Corps. And it started to bother me many years ago. I was telling this to my girlfriend Amy at the time and Amy said I should volunteer. And I thought that was a good idea. So for the next 30 years, every Monday morning I delivered food for an organization called God's Love We Delivered. We're in New York. I'm sure most of you familiar with God's Love We Deliver. God's Love has now delivered over 35 million meals to New Yorkers. The way it's got its name, I think it's kind of interesting. It was started by A woman in 1985 named Ganga Stone, and it was started during the AIDS crisis. And it was meant to bring hot meals to people with AIDS who couldn't get out. But she started, she brought one meal to a friend. The next day she brought the same meal to the same friend. And she ran into a priest and she told the priest what she was doing. And the priest said, you're not only delivering food, but you're delivering God's Love. And that's how it got the name God's Love We Deliver. I like that story. I'm an atheist, but I still like that story. So I always think people should volunteer. I say people go to therapy to improve their emotional well being. They go to the gym to improve their physical well being. And volunteering improves your soul well being. So, okay, I'm off my soapbox now. I did the math for this story and I've delivered over 5,000 meals. That's not why I said it, but thank you. And when you deliver that many meals, you get a lot of thank yous. And at first the thank yous are very nice. I take them in, I own them. But after a couple of months, it's thank you, you're welcome. Thank you, you're welcome. It's like empty calories. They kind of lose Their meaning, it's like, how you doing? Nobody cares how you're doing, but people say, how you doing? And on the other end of the spectrum, every once in a while, go to a client, deliver food, and I wouldn't get a thank you. Typically, what happens is the door opens just a crack, arm comes out, the food's in a shopping bag. I put the shopping bag in the hand, comes back in, door shuts, and that's it. When that first happened, it pissed me off. You know, I mean, God, they're not only thanking me, they're thanking the cook and the intake people, everybody who had a part of it. You're getting a free meal, you can't say thank you. But as I grew older and wiser, although my ex wife might disagree with the wiser part, it occurred to me, I've never walked in these people's shoes, and life was to kick the shit out of them emotionally, physically, mentally, a combination of all three for them not to say thank you. And from then on, whenever I had some extra food and I knew I was coming to somebody who didn't say thank you, that was the bag I gave the extra food. Now, I told you all that to tell you this. Notice the smooth segue. I just did. The biggest day of the year in the God's love world is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving all about food. God's love is all about food. It's a standalone day, so even if you're like me, you deliver food. If you want to do it on Thanksgiving, you got to go online like everybody else. Don't pick up the food from the regular place. Don't deliver to my regular clients. Everything is different. 2019, I signed up and was told to pick up the food in Jamaica at a church, and I did. And it was the perfect storm of everything going right. Normally, Thanksgiving, you gotta wait to get the food. You're trying to find new apartments that you've never been to. But everything went well. This day. I just. I didn't have to wait for the food. I found all the apartments quickly. Everybody was home, and I got done early. So on a whim, I called up God's Love and I said, do you need anything? I got some extra time here. Maybe another driver didn't show up, I don't know. So the dispatcher puts me on hold about 10 minutes, which is fine, because, you know, they weren't expecting this call. She comes back and she says, yes, there's a family of three who needs a food delivery. But just as an aside, you live long Enough. You're going to get buts in your life. You just are. You know, this cake is great, but it's 9,000 calories. You know, there's always a but. There's always a but. She says, but. The family is in Far Rockaway, and she asked me, are you willing to go to Far Rockaway? My first inclination is to say, no, I don't want to go to Far Rockaway. But I think about it and reasons not to go to Far Rockaway. Number one, what's the first word in Far Rockaway? Thank you. Number two, the few times I've been there, it's hard to park. And number three, a little bit of a sketchy neighborhood. That wasn't such a big deal. Reasons to go to Far Rock Away. I did have the time. Light traffic on Thanksgiving morning. And most importantly, I don't know how badly these people need the food. And I don't know if anybody's going to do it if I don't do it. So I say yes. Not a great yes, but yes. So they tell me to go back to the same church to pick up the food. I go back, there's a mistake. There's no food there. They're out of food. Called the dispatcher. Another 10 minutes on hold. Now I'm not so happy being on hold. It's just they tell me to go to St. John's which was another pickup place. St. John's College. Not that far. Go to St. John's but I can't find the building. I've never been to St. John's and, you know, big canvas that you're not familiar with. Finally find the building. Dispatcher told me he asked for a guy named Mike. He has the bags all packed. I asked for Mike. Mike gives him the bags, and as he's giving me the bags, he says, so, you going to Fart Rockaway? And it's implied, you asshole. He doesn't say the words you asshole, but it's certainly implied. And I'm just not feeling good about that. I mumble something about no traffic and I just get out of there. It's not a bad ride to far Rockaway. It's 35 minutes, not so terrible. But when I get there, like I thought I couldn't park. Circle around the building a couple times, and I do what I don't like to do. I park by a hydrant. I'm just hoping this will be a real quick delivery and I could just get the hell out of Far Rockaway. That's all I want to do at this point. But it's not a quick delivery because the building has one of these new fangled intercom systems where you need to know the person's weight and Social Security number in order to find the right bell. You also need the last name, which God's love doesn't give you. So I got back on the phone with the dispatcher, she got to look it up, and I'm like, oh, just get me out of here. So I finally, she gives me the name, I get into the building and ring the bell. Woman answers the door, this woman. And my plan is to give her all three bags at once and just get out of there. Woman who answers the door is about 90 years old and weighs about 90 pounds. I figure if I give her all three at once, she gonna tip over. So I give her one bag. The first bag she takes that puts it behind her, doesn't say thank you. But we've been through that. I don't care, give it a second bag. Doesn't say thank you, don't care, Give it a third bag. Two things happen at the same time. One is she does say thank you. And two is I noticed that. And I say, you're welcome, of course. And two is I noticed that on the other side of her is a little girl about 5 years old, looking up at me with an ear to ear grin and maybe the biggest brown beautiful eyes I've ever seen on a human being. I look down at her and we have eye contact. At this point, I gotta tell you, I hate eye contact. I suck at eye contact. I don't like it. I always look away. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let this little girl intimidate me. So I look down at her and we're looking. Obviously I didn't time it. Maybe 15 seconds to 15 minutes, I don't know how long. So. And we're just staring at each other and finally this little girl breaks the silence and she says five words to me that I'm telling you, if I live to be 100, I will never forget these five words. She melted my heart. Without stopping her smile and still maintaining the eye contact, she says, and I quote, thank you and happy Thanksgiving. And just that would. And that's pretty much my story. Although I'm going to say four things to wrap it up. One, I did not get a parking ticket. I know everybody was worried about that. Thank you. Two, my eye contact, while not great, has gotten a lot better since that day. Let's call it a work in progress. Number three, I was very happy I said yes to Far Rockaway and number four By a million miles. That was the best thank you I ever got. Thank you.

Adam Cook (15:59)

We'll be right back.

Sharon McMahon (16:01)

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Adam Cook (17:10)

Hey friends, I'm Sharon McMahon, host of here's Where It Gets Interesting. Each week I speak with authors, experts and thought leaders on everything from American history and democracy to how to be a better person on the Internet. And don't miss my extremely popular docu series which educate you on things you never learned in history class. Follow and listen to here's Where It Gets Interesting on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Mitch Appelbaum (17:42)

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Adam Cook (17:44)

Really hungry.

Mitch Appelbaum (17:46)

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Adam Cook (17:52)

With cheese, pickles, grilled onions and Boss sauce.

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Mitch Appelbaum (17:57)

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Adam Cook (18:05)

This episode is brought to you by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like, you know to check the date of the big game first before you accidentally buy tickets on your 20th wedding anniversary and have to spend the next 20 years of your marriage making up for it. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings. Vary terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We're back.

Kevin Allison (18:49)

This is Risk. This is Tobin Mueller doing a cover of thank you for letting me be myself again. The Sly in the Family Stone song that was number one on the charts the week I was born before the break was Mitch Appelbaum. You know, Mitch told us when he came to our what's your story? And first shared that story that his intention for coming that night was to work on his social anxiety. And now he's a two time moth winner. He told a story in an off Broadway show called Love Notes and you can find that story in a book with the same name. It's available now. Speaking of moth winners, we have Matthew Dix on the show tomorrow. We were thinking of calling that episode Dicks on Stew because there's a hearty slow cooked soup featured in that story. But in any case, Matthew has a Thanksgiving story you'll never forget coming up tomorrow. And there's plenty more stories over at our Patreon page, plus an ad free feed of the podcast that you can plug right into your regular podcast app@patreon.com risk. Next we're going to hear from Adam Cook. Now this is a story about evolving beyond one's prejudice. Whenever there's a story about someone who became less bigoted or narrow minded in any way, we are all about it. So here is Adam Cook now with a story we call Rachel.

Adam Cook (21:06)

Thanksgiving in the army was a special time. It was kind of fun. The leadership would always come in and they'd put their fancy uniforms on and they would go in the DFAC and the chow hall and they would, they would serve all the food and there was no portion control and you would go in and it was all like the classics. It was, it was all the starches and all the meats you could eat. And like, when I mean meats, I mean it was like roast beef and ham and turkey legs and turkey of course, and like all that. And they even have some type of seafood and they'd always have some kind of crab. And it was all the goodness you wanted. And Thanksgiving was amazing. So there was, I had been in the army about 10 years. It's 2003. I'm standing in line for the Chel hall. And as I'm standing there, the clouds are starting to kind of move in and the sun's just warm enough on my uniform. I can get that special smell of the Permethrium and all the kind of bug juice that they put on the uniforms. And there's just this special smell that the uniforms get when the sun beats down on them. And this isn't. The hot days of Iraq and living in the desert are gone. Like, we actually wake up, it's kind of chilly, it's cold. It feels kind of good. It's. It's one of those throwback to my favorite time of year of leading into the winter months. And I know that this is my first combat tour. I had been deployed before, but this is my first combat tour. So this is the first time that I really get to be tested. And, like, what am I doing here? Like, what have I done all this time in the Army? What have I built up to was to be here in combat? All the way back from, like. I mean, I had thought about the army and I thought about war a long time. Like when I was sitting there and it was 1980, and all of a sudden our whole house shook, and it was just this boom. I mean, like a boom you'd never heard before. And the window shook, and I turned to my mom and I was like, is there a war in town? And she's like, no, I don't know what that was. Well, that was Mount St. Helens blowing up. And the first thing I thought of when I was five years old, that there's a war in town. I told everybody I was going to join the army because, I mean, not only playing army, but I saw the movie Rambo, and I was like, if he can do that, I'm joining the Army. And I was so dedicated to joining the army that my dad even bought me a T shirt. It was just this little OD green shirt that said, join the Army. Travel to exotic lands, Meet interesting and unusual people, and kill them. I even wore that to school. I know the 80s were a wild time to be in school, but this was who I was. This was all I was in life. And I was just excited to be there. Here I am, and I'm in line, and I didn't even eat breakfast because I was so excited that, like, I get to have this food. And while the army does really well, they try their best for the food. And I don't want to insult any army cooks, but the 12 heat and serve meals get very tiresome. And I had been there, like, two months, and it was. It was getting too much. Even to this day, there's few meals I can never eat again. And scalloped potatoes, enchiladas and heat and serve omelette meals are. I just. I can never eat them. I can still smell them as they open them up. And it was just ruined. But I knew that I was going to have real food this day. And I'm standing in line and it's this big open old airfield and airstrip and there's like an old MIG from the Iraqis that's sitting there. And it was kind of like our display piece. And there's a little chuck wagon cart up there. It's basically just this tow behind thing. And I was about 100ft back and I was like, oh, I knew that I was going to get some real food, but I also knew that I was on the hook for maybe having to do a mission that day. But I put that outside of my head and I was like, it's fine. And right about then, my radio crackles for me to come up to the talk. And I knew, like, I'm not gonna be able to eat this food right now. The talk is basically. It was just. They're like reception areas for like, where the tv, it's nothing like you see on the movies with all the people running around drawing on maps. It was basically people hunched over laptops and telling other people what to do. And I go up to the talk, I talk to these guys. I get our march in orders and they're like, the colonel can't fly because of the weather, so you need to drive them around. We're up in Kirkuk, northern Iraq, and we stop at a couple of the bases and we drive around and finally we go to the one base that's slightly bigger and I find out that, hey, they're still serving chow. And I was super excited. We park our trucks and we have to walk across the tank parking lot. And this is. It's gravel the size of a fist that twists an ankle no matter what you do and you have to stumble across it. And vehicles can't hardly drive or. But tanks do fine. I came around the corner and I could not believe it. I mean, not only did I see the. Did I see the love shack and I could see the steam coming out. I could smell like that smell of that cooking food. It went over the top of all the dampness of the round of the earth around me from the fresh rain. It was there and it was hanging heavy and it flowed into my mouth and I could smell all the sweetness of the ham and the steaming of the crab and the butter over the top of the potatoes as it melted and the layers of Stuffing and the cornbread as it came out of the kitchen and coming out of the door, I was like watching these heaping Tower of Pisa plates. It was layers of starches and then layers of meat followed by layers of starches and gravy, gluing it all together. And these paper plates that are just like soaking in and just can't hold and they're just leaning down and I can just see them almost falling. And they've got their little plastic forks and people are just excited. And crab legs as long as people's forearms are just like balanced on top with a piece of pumpkin pie just sitting up there. And I was just so amazed. And then I realized these are fucking Iraqis that are holding my goddamn Thanksgiving. They got to eat in front of me. Like, fuck them.

Mitch Appelbaum (27:29)

Fuck them.

Kevin Allison (27:30)

Them.

Adam Cook (27:30)

They got to eat in front of me. It's fucking my Thanksgiving. I don't give a shit. No, they don't get to fucking eat in front of me. Plus they fucking smelled. They had this like acuric BO that just like permeated. It was like so thick. Sometimes you drive past him in a vehicle, you could like smell it as they were walking down the road. It's like them, I was like this, I'm going to the truck and I'm not going to eat today. I'll swallow, spit, fuck them, fucking kick rocks. I go back to the vehicles and I'm murmuring under my breath every goddamn racial slur that I can think of. We just continue the day and I didn't even care. It's like, we went here, we went there. I don't even give a shit where we went. I was just doing my job. Whatever. We go to this last base and it's next to this little bridge. And it's not a little bridge, but it's like this actual like real fucking bridge. And I mean, that was the only reason we gave a shit about this shithole little town in the middle of nowhere. So I pull in and we get in this little posted stamp size parking lot and it's ringed by buildings. And I tell the guys that you guys can go inside. And I'm standing out there and I mean, I'm still like so pissed, I don't even notice that it's been raining all day. And so it's just like this dank feeling and it's like seeping through my uniforms. I'm just like this. And right about then I hear this, mister, mister. And I'm like, what the, what the is that? And I Look over across the parking lot, and there's just this little window and there's. There's this little girl sticking her head up there, and she's like, mister, mister. And I'm like, I'm blown away. I was like, yeah. She's like, what's your name? And I just looked at her. I mean, just these little doe eyes and this little mat of hair that was all messed up. And just this smile. I mean, just. Just pure innocence and her mannerisms and how she was. She couldn't have been much older than my own son who was sitting back in Germany today. And I look over and I was just like, wow. Yeah, my name. And it's like, normally my name. At this time in my life, especially in Iraq, everybody knew me as Cook. You can call me Cook. You can call me Sergeant. You can call me by the book, Cook. But like, nobody knew my first name. And I just looked over and I couldn't help it. I just said Adam. And she goes, oh, I'm Rachel. And I was just like, oh, hi. And she goes, what'd you get for Ramadan? I mean, just this absolute glee of, like, energy just like radiating out of this little window, this gray wall and this little window, and her face is right there and just like her collarbones are sticking up. And I was like, oh, I don't celebrate Ramadan. I'd celebrate something else. And she's like, oh, she was saddened. And I was like, well, what'd you get? And she was like, just ecstatic. And she shot her arm up and on this wrist that was like. I mean, I could probably hold it between my thumb and pinky. It was so tiny. Just this little bitty wrist was this big white iron man looking watch. And she's like, oh, watch. And she looks at it and I don't know if she could actually read time, but she looked at it like she knew what she was doing. And all of a sudden she goes, I gotta go. Bye. I said, bye. And she shut the window. And I was. At that moment I realized that I had just been standing out in the rain without any rain gear on. And I could actually feel the rain and I could feel the cold standing there alone in this parking lot. And I looked over at the doors, like, waiting for the rest of the crew to get ready to come out. And I just. I was starting to feel again. So they come and we finish up the night and I finished up the tour and, you know, I'm done with Iraq and go home and fast forward. I retired out of the army, got the Dear John letter. Didn't really know what to do. A boomerang kid. I moved back home with my dad. I kind of just bumped around. Here I am almost 40 years old and I spent some time going to school and I had friends and I had people around me, but that purpose and kind of a community, I was still like, I wasn't sure what to do and I decided to go to school. So I'm going to school and still not finding the community. And I thought, well, I'll start reaching out to veterans organizations and. And I had a family, but I didn't have that community. And I go to some veterans events and this one storytelling event, and I show up and they've got a table full of books. And I was like, oh, look at this. This is Sebastian Younger's book. I love Sebastian Younger. I read everything. I mean, he comes out with a book. I read it. So I picked it up. And when I had time, I don't remember when it was, I was sitting there and it was like just an evening and I was sitting on my wing back chair that I got. I'm reading this chapter. It was amazing. There was this part where he talks about the soldiers had worked so hard and they had put out so much effort that they stopped burning fat and they started to burn proteins. And they had this smell, like this very strong body odor that just like wafted over everything. And you could just, you could smell when someone comes past. And I had to pause for a moment and it just took me totally back to 2003 and those poor Iraqis in northern Iraq and that first tour. And like, these Iraqis were working so hard on base to do all the jobs we didn't want to do, that they were burned all their fat reserves and they're burning protein and these, these poor people are burning our shit. They're shoveling rocks, they're moving rocks, they're building protection just for us. Like that stuff we should have done, we should have been doing that. But these people were risking themselves coming on base. That was the only job they had. And they were taking care of all the shit jobs. And so I just realized, like, how bad they had it. And they did not deserve my hate. There was no need for that. That was not right of me. That was. It's a level of guilt that I now have to work with. And knowing that I hated them for no other reason than they were there and they were born there and I was born in this other place. And the position that we as America put them in by invading their country. It just was not fair to them. Then a couple years later, I see news reports of ISIS and ISIS in Iraq. They. They were horrible. They were chasing down people that had served as police or military, and anybody that they deemed wrong, they would chase them down. And they were murdering them in the streets, and they were taking videos of it, and they were taking over. And the only thing I could think of once I started seeing that was those Iraqis on base and those Iraqis that I had been around and those. Those gentlemen, those poor men who had to break fast on our Thanksgiving, put themselves at great emotional risk to be there. And then Rachel living there, learning English, living right next to the base. I could. I could only imagine the scaredness that they had lived through when ISIS had taken over. I'm actually grateful that I actually got to. To meet those people and I got to meet. To meet Rachel.

Mitch Appelbaum (34:57)

It.

Adam Cook (34:58)

It's a real honor that I got to spend that time. And when I sit down for Thanksgiving.

Mitch Appelbaum (35:03)

That'S who I think of.

Adam Cook (35:06)

And those people, those poor, those two men and Rachel and really any Iraqi that supported us, it means a lot to you what you did, and I'm sorry. They could sit down and I'll bring bread with them over, over our Thanksgiving anytime.

Mitch Appelbaum (35:21)

Sa.

Kevin Allison (36:13)

This is Res. This is Amir El Safar behind me now. This is from his record Two Rivers, songs inspired by the Tigris and Euphrates as they wind their way through Iraq. And we just heard from Adam Cook. After 21 years, 2 months and 28 days serving in the army, which he calls adult take care. Adam is now a teacher helping kids with two of the three Rs. He says, I thought it might help to say before the story that the story entails letting go of some amount of prejudice, lest anyone turn the story off before getting to that point in the story. You know what I mean? And we recently also featured the Best of Veterans Stories, hosted by Adam's fellow Iraq veteran, Ray Christian. Well, happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I know this is one heck of an era we're living through. I know how rough especially it is right now for people who really care about their fellow humanity and for justice, and for people who are worried about their futures. I'm right there with you. We're going through some shit, but we should never, ever lose sight of what we do have to be thankful for. I am so thankful for the Risk staff, for our storytellers, and for you, our listeners and folks. Today's the day. Take a Risk Sa. Hey folks, there's so much more of Risk in the holiday season. Risk is always publishing new episodes and new stories, as well as holiday favorites. This holiday season, don't forget, Click on Risk.