Ellie Reiter (15:34)
So it was my first day of college class, and I got in front of the group and I told the class what I wanted to study and how I was looking for a partner. And there was complete silence and cold stares. Some things didn't change. See, I was a late bloomer. After dropping out of rabbinical seminary, I got into College at 22, and really, that was the first time in my life that I was in an environment where there were people who didn't look like me, there were people who didn't sound like me. I came from a school where, like, it was all boys. We wear white shirts, we wear black dress pants. And I got to Hunter College. 25,000 students from every socioeconomic class and background. And I'd be walking in the halls and I'd be completely confused. And, like, even to fit in, I bought my first pair of blue jeans. Or as my 10th grade rebbe called them, the pants of the Gentiles. I remember when I told a teacher of mine that was going to Hunter, his first reaction was, isn't that a women's school? And I'm like, it was. And, like, the 70s, like the 1870s. So I got there and I sort of couldn't find my place because I was still very religious and observant, and I was in this very secular environment. Like, one professor of mine got arrested for protesting. Another person was part of the Weather Underground terrorism group. And, like, I would go to the Jewish club, or as my old teachers would call them, Christians. And, like, for them, they'd be like, being Jewish is watching Fiddler on the Roof. And for me, being Jewish is being Fiddler on the Roof. So I'd be wandering the halls and, like, in my women's jeans, because I bought jeans without knowing they were women's jeans. And I got to this linguistics class. I wanted to do original research on Orthodox Jewish English. And if you don't think that exists, if you're ever in New York, go to B and H. And I told the class what I wanted to study. And then after class, this other young man approached me who also had a beard. And he told me that, like, he wanted to study with me. And I'm like, why? And he's like, because I like Semitic languages. And I'm like, why? Because, like, it's not like no one studies Semitic languages to get women, you know, like, it's not like engineering. So he told me his name was Abdul, he was Palestinian. I'm not, but I figured, why not? I needed someone to work with. And after class we would hang out in the lunchroom and we'd both be looking around at the people eating. And he wouldn't eat anything because nothing was halal. And I wouldn't eat anything because nothing was kosher. And we'd both be hungry and like, we got to know each other better a little bit through our hunger. Because, like, we talk about dating, for instance, where he'd talk about how hard it was to find someone who was similarly devout as he was. And I would talk about how it's hard to find someone similarly devout, but also more politically progressive. And also like, I was jealous of him because first he wore skinny jeans so, well, that were for men. He wore skinny jeans. He had these really amazing white vans or something like that. He just looked put together. But also like, for him, he was very observant, but also he didn't seem anxious. And I'm halfway there, but the wrong half. So throughout the semester we're hanging out and he told me a story about how he was in Israel, Palestine, the previous summer for a month. And after the first week he realized that no one around there in his group was as like devout as he was. So he locked himself in the study hall for the rest of the trip and studied by himself. And I'm like, that's exactly how I feel when I visit the Upper west side or when I go on birthright trips. So we're working out and we're like doing research together and one evening we meet in a Starbucks and we're going over the data I collected. So I teach in different all boys yeshivas privately. And I gave my students polls to fill out surveys. And we're going over the survey data of about 75 or 80 students. And it's just a shit show where some of the kids just wrote smart ass answers. Some of the kids left things blank. And then it was also really embarrassing because I was an English teacher and my ninth graders couldn't spell for shit. They can spell shit now. They kept spelling the words phonetically, but they couldn't spell the word phonetically. For instance, one student spelled peple P, E P E L. So this whole time over the previous few months, I've been really Avoiding this elephant in the room with hundreds of years of history because, like, Abdal seemed like a very nice person. I don't like saying something inappropriate and, like, I didn't feel equipped to deal with that. And we're going over the data, looking at all my students, and he looked at me with a glint in his eye, and he's like, you know, I always thought you guys would win. Now I'm not so concerned. And I realized that he's someone who can joke about this very complicated situation and we'd be good friends and we could, our friendship could survive this much. So after working together for a while, we submit our research to an undergraduate research conference. And I'm very excited because, like, I finally have a reason to try on the half a dozen blazers I own. I can finally put them to good use. Even though I was an undergrad, I still dressed like some wizened old professor from Hogwarts. We got there and I'm looking at the roster who's presenting that day. We have cancer research, HIV research, research to prevent infant death, yeshivas, cancer research, cancer research, cancer research. And although there was a contest for breast presentation, I saw we would lose regardless because, like, everyone was doing such serious stuff and that we were not doing that such serious stuff. The conference started and I hid myself in the bathroom. I was very nervous and Abdel texted me to get my tuchus over there right now. Although he didn't use the word tuchus yet, he didn't know the word yet. I get back and I'm wearing a blazer because. And we start talking about our research. And after we speak for a few minutes, the academics in the room, who are very scary, ask questions. We answer them and there's a very lively back and forth. We finish and I meet his mom. She's an amazing woman. And we say our goodbyes and his mom invites me over to dinner. So I left, hungry, but also excited to try his mom's cooking. And the next day, about 5pm, I get a text from Abdel saying, we won the conference, we did serious work, and I can finally own those blazers and buy more. Fuck yeah. The semester goes on and we present again and do more research, and we're friends throughout the day, the semester. Like, we hang out, we get coffee. I see his family again. And then the semester ends and he's going to Israel, in Palestine to teach again. And he flies out. June 10th or so. On June 11th, three Israeli boys go missing and war breaks out. They find the boys who are killed and then There's a lot of combat both in the west bank and the Gaza Strip. And I'm looking at social media, and all my friends, my Facebook friends, not my real friends, really come out of the closet as, like, you know, like, assholes. And I read the news and, like, my first fear is that Abdel is dead. There are a lot of casualties. There's a lot of, like, issues happening. My second fear is that, like, he might not want to talk to me. I don't know how he's feeling these days. I don't know how anxious he's feeling. I sent him an email to see how he's doing, and I send him a second email after not hearing from him for a week. He emails me back a week later being like, hey, Ellie, Shalom. Which is a good sign because he's learning. He's like, hey, Ellie, I'm thinking about you and your family right now because you knew I have a lot of relatives in the region. He's like, I'm praying that your family and friends stay safe. He told me that luckily he was safe and he just wants the fighting to end. But his main concern is me and my family. That could have gone a trillion different ways. But his main concern was me. And it was a very close, touching moment. The next day, there was a Jewish fast, and the same day was also a Muslim fast. It was commemorating the destruction of the Jewish temple. And it was getting dark that night, and the fast ends in the evening. And I ended up buying from a cafe mint tea. And I was sitting on a subway platform with a mint tea smelling very aromatic. And it, like, I was very thirsty from a long day of fasting, and I just wanted to have some, but it was too early. It was like one of these dusk moments when, like, I was trying to do the mental math in my head whether or not it was worth it to sin. And the fast a little early, and I'm sitting on the platform and the tea is melting in my fingers, and I'm, like, trying to, like, balance that. And then a question pops into my head. What would Abdel do? And I knew the answer, so I waited.
