The Best of Secret Stories #2

Summary

Podcast Summary: RISK! – The Best of Secret Stories #2

Introduction RISK!, hosted by Kevin Allison, delves into the most daring and intimate true stories people dare to share. In "The Best of Secret Stories #2," released on March 27, 2025, listeners are treated to two compelling narratives that explore themes of survival, cultural identity, and unexpected revelations. This summary captures the essence of both stories, highlighting key moments and notable quotes to provide a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened to the episode.

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1. Borderline: A Tale of Cross-Border Struggle and Friendship

Narrator: Kevin B. (Originally shared in 2015)

Timestamp: [04:36] – [21:17]

Overview: "Borderline" is a harrowing account of an ill-fated attempt to smuggle children across the U.S.-Mexico border. Kevin B. recounts his experience in 2003 when he and his friend Keith, motivated by a sense of adventure and justice, agree to help a Mexican family retrieve their children from Tijuana. The story unfolds with intense emotions, cultural clashes, and the stark realities of border enforcement.

Key Points:

• The Initial Conflict: The story begins with a violent confrontation in Jalisco, Mexico, where cartel members kill members of the Morero family over a debt related to a horse. This tragedy forces the family's children to flee to avoid retaliation.

• The Mission: Roberto Guerrero, father of the deceased, persuades Kevin B. to help retrieve his children from Tijuana. Despite the legality and danger involved, Kevin B. agrees, bringing along his friend Keith to assist.

• Crossing Into Tijuana: Upon arrival, Kevin B. and Keith encounter Roberto's children—Raul (9), Maria (6), and a 2-year-old sister. The cultural and emotional weight of the situation becomes evident as they prepare to transport the children back to the United States.

• Encounter at the Border: As they near the border, tension escalates when a border officer interrogates them. The officer's aggressive demeanor underscores the precariousness of their mission. Raul's interaction with the officer leads to the children being detained, highlighting the innocence and vulnerability of the young ones involved.

• Interrogation and Reflection: Kevin B. describes the harrowing experience in detention, contrasting his own perceived bravery with the genuine life-and-death stakes faced by the children. The encounter serves as a profound lesson in empathy and the harsh realities of immigration enforcement.

Notable Quotes:

• "For us, if we got caught, which was something we very much knew could happen, it was an adventure. It was also a cause for us to grab onto. Maybe we'd get caught, maybe we'd make it through and, like, be heroes." [10:45]

• "For them, it was life or death, and they had just seen death." [15:30]

• "Some people started talking to Roberto and then laughter erupt, noises I was not expecting to hear. And as it did, the officers jumped up behind their desk, slammed their fist on it and said, shut the fuck up." [19:20]

Insights and Conclusions:

"Borderline" serves as a poignant exploration of youthful idealism clashing with harsh realities. Kevin B.'s reflection on the experience underscores the importance of understanding the deeper implications of one's actions, especially when dealing with vulnerable lives. The story emphasizes themes of responsibility, the arbitrary nature of cultural perceptions, and the profound impact of real-world events on personal growth and perspective.

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2. Birds Lament: Unveiling Hidden Lives in a Local Dive Bar

Narrator: Unknown Host (Introduced as Moondog)

Timestamp: [22:50] – [33:16]

Overview: In "Birds Lament," listeners are immersed in the vibrant yet gritty atmosphere of a local New York bar owned by Uncle Sal. The story revolves around the revelation of unexpected depths in seemingly ordinary individuals, highlighting themes of judgment, hidden talents, and the complexities of human identity.

Key Points:

• Setting the Scene: The narrator describes Uncle Sal's bar as a quintessential dive bar with a colorful array of regular patrons, each known by nicknames reflecting their most prominent traits.

• Introducing Joe Bird: Among the regulars is Joe Bird, a seemingly typical working-class individual with a moniker that reduces him to his last name. Joe's brother, Billy, is also a regular, known for his shorter stature and dental issues.

• The Unexpected Encounter: One evening, a conflict arises when the narrator gets into an argument with a Chinese food delivery person over an overcharge. The altercation escalates until Joe intervenes, diffusing the situation in an unexpected manner.

• The Revelation: In a surprising twist, Joe communicates fluently in Chinese, calming both the delivery person and himself. He reveals that he and Billy run an illegal business selling street pigeons, a family trade that expanded internationally despite language barriers.

• Assessing Assumptions: The narrator grapples with his preconceived notions about Joe and his brothers, realizing the depth and hidden complexity behind their outward appearances. This epiphany challenges his own biases and judgments.

Notable Quotes:

• "I thought, fuck, this is pretty real. I said, remember, Keith, you don't know anything about the situation that's going on here." [29:50]

• "It's unfucking believable. It is an amazing thing you do. It's like this one fluid motion. You basically go up to said street pigeon and you get about a foot away and you sort of do this thing." [25:40]

• "Without him, I don't think I ever would have had this sort of thought one day. And it's important." [32:50]

Insights and Conclusions:

"Birds Lament" delves into the hidden lives that exist beneath the surface of everyday environments. The story challenges listeners to look beyond superficial judgments and recognize the multifaceted identities people hold. Through Joe Bird's unexpected revelation, the narrative emphasizes the complexity of human nature and the unforeseen paths individuals navigate to sustain themselves. The episode encourages empathy, understanding, and the dismantling of stereotypes that often cloud our perceptions of others.

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Conclusion

"The Best of Secret Stories #2" delivers two powerful narratives that underscore the unpredictability of human experiences and the profound lessons they impart. From the intense cross-border struggles in "Borderline" to the surprising depths of a local bar patron in "Birds Lament," the episode showcases the rich tapestry of stories that RISK! is renowned for. These stories not only entertain but also provoke thoughtful reflection on themes of identity, empathy, and the courage it takes to share one's deepest secrets.

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Notable Host Commentary

Throughout the episode, Kevin Allison interjects with personal reflections and announcements, including his upcoming online storytelling workshops. These segments provide a personal touch, inviting listeners to engage further with the RISK! community and explore their own storytelling abilities.

Timestamp Highlights:

• "So as long as you're hearing this before August of 2025, email me for more info at kevinrisk-show.com." [02:44]

• "We just heard from Tara Clancy, whose memoir the Clancy's of Queens is phenomenal." [33:16]

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Final Thoughts

"The Best of Secret Stories #2" exemplifies what makes RISK! a standout podcast: the bravery of its storytellers and the depth of their experiences. By sharing these secret stories, RISK! fosters a space where genuine, unfiltered narratives can thrive, offering listeners both entertainment and meaningful insights.

Transcript

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[Kevin Allison]

Risk hey folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and every Thursday we release these special episod. We look back at content from the earlier years of the podcast. But before we start today, I want to tell you email me at kevinrisk-show.com if you want to learn about the eight week long online storytelling workshops I'll be teaching this spring and summer. I haven't taught these in 10 years and I won't be able to teach them quite so easily to fit United States time zones once I move abroad in the fall. So email me if you're interested. These will be the most fun, creative, communal, even therapeutic workshops. A way to do something joyous and self expressive and a way to get support and coaching directly from me as well as a bunch of other Risk fans. The best people. So as long as you're hearing this before August of 2025, email me for more info at kevinrisk-show.com this week it's the best of secret stories number two, meaning stories about secrets. In a little bit we're going to hear from Tara Clancy. But first a story from Kevin B. That he first shared on the show in 2015. And here he is now with a story we call borderline.

[Unknown Narrator]

In 2003, in Jalisco, south of Guadalajara, a fight got started over a horse. It was actually a fight over the debt that was owed over horse. Three Mexican cartel members made their way to the Morero family where a man named Pedro, father of three husband, greeted them at the door and they told him that he owed him money. He tried explaining that he already paid for the horse, but the scene quickly got ugly. A 9 year old Pedro and his 6 year old daughter Maria looked over their mother's shoulder as the scene escalated from an argument to shouting to to explosions. A bullet left one of the cartel members, guns entered Pedro's eye, exploded out the back of his head and he crumpled on. The explosion caused their mother to jump up and run over to cone cradle her dying husband. The cartel members shot her in the back of the head and then fled The SCENE the explosions caused a 2 year old girl that was sleeping in the other room that they didn't even know was there to start crying. And instinctively, six year old Maria ran to cradle her sister while Raul watched as a pool of blood expanded and enveloped his parents and everything he knew at that point in life. The neighboring community, fearing that the cartel members were going to come back and execute the only witnesses, the children, put them on a bus and sent them to Tijuana, where years ago someone that had grown up in the village had started becoming a smuggler up there and had been sending money back to the village, making him something of a hero at this point, or at least a hope. In 2003 in Bothell, I was mowing lawns at a local community college so I could pay for my environmental science classes and my cultural justice classes. Me and my friends were going around spray painting no more blood for oil on McDonald's windows. Really sticking it to the man, you know. Or more likely we were sticking it to the hourly worker that had to scrub that shit off in the morning. In that town of Bothell there was a little family owned Mexican restaurant that we had been going to since I was a kid and it was owned and operated by the Guerrero family. By the way, I'm changing names in this story, you'll see why. It was owned and operated by Roberto and Leticia Guerrero. And we had been good family friends with them forever. They used to come over to my parents house when there'd be American holidays and we would go to their quinceaneras and all that stuff. So when Raul told me the story of what was happening to his little nephew and nieces and asked me if I'd be willing to help him drive down to Tijuana and bring them back, I said absolutely. Roberto said now I asked your father about this before to make sure it was okay, and he said yes, but if anything happened to you, he was going to kick my ass. I really laughed thinking about this because if you know my father, the thought of him bringing violence against anyone is hysterical. But for two, that means that my father said yes. Take my son across the border to a nun drug smuggler's house, try to bring back some illegal kids. We're armed border guards facing at least a felony, maybe some time in jail, but if anything happens, I'm gonna give you a little tuss. Seemed odd to me, so I said yes, absolutely, under one condition. I'm calling my buddy Keith and we're bringing him. Roberto reluctantly said okay, but as long as Keith didn't know what we were doing, that was fine. So I called up Keith and told him what we were doing and he said absolutely. I couldn't just be like, hey, we're driving down to Tijuana in 24 hours and they're heading back. It's just a thing that people do. So we set off and 24 hours later we arrived in Tijuana. For me and Keith, it was exciting. You know, there's all these new smells, sounds, there's culture everywhere, there's madness, there's people dressed in like Incan garbs dancing in the streets and all of this. It was something of like a Kerouac adventure for us. Later that day, Roberto explained to me that for him and for most people born from Mexico, Tijuana represents something of a death to them. It's a last ditch effort to sell to the lowest bidder anything that can be sold. That's your life, your body, certainly your culture that we thought we had experienced. As we drove away from the city center and down the increasingly broken streets, it dawned on me that I was about to come face to face with these kids that in their short time on earth had seen more brutality and hardships than any college paper that I would write could ever help me to understand. As young punk rock kids from Washington, you know, we did our best to rebel against what we thought were injustices and which certainly were, you know, we marched at all the ramp up to the war, we flyered and spray painted, we caught tear gas at wto, all of these things which felt very immediate and important and real and they were. And you know, but suddenly here I was, in fact, here we were pulling into a smuggler's house and I thought, this is real. 40 year old gentleman smiling waved us in, who I assumed to be the smuggler or dealer, whatever he was. I didn't ask too many questions about that. And next to him was a nine year old boy who looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, a six year old girl who looked terrified, and a two year old playing with a ball and laughing with a. Because she was too small to know any better. We got out of the car, me and Keith looked at each other and then we smiled to everyone. We didn't speak any Spanish, they didn't speak any English, and we all just kind of nervously smiled and nodded our heads and then we looked into each other's eyes and then we looked away. The plan was simple. Roberto had a son, also named Roberto, who was 9 years old. So we were Going to take Raul. And Raul was now going to be Roberto. And we had come down to get him from Roberto's sister, who had been taking care of him during the summer, so he could get in touch with his roots, because that was important to Roberto. And then her two little daughters, the little girls, we were going to bring them back up to America so they could spend time with their uncle and see what that was all about. Seemed easy enough, I suppose. Roberto coached Raul on what his new name was, what his birthday was, where they lived, tried to get this kid to really fit the character. And on the side, me and Keith kind of coached each other. Once again, I thought, fuck, this is pretty real. I said, remember, Keith, you don't know anything about the situation that's going on here. He kind of smiled and turned his head to the side and said, what's going on here? Yeah, thanks. Perfect. With that, we took off. You know, when me and Keith were kind of looking at the situation, understand that for us, if we got caught, which was something we very much knew could happen, it was an adventure. It was also a cause for us to grab onto. Maybe we'd get caught, maybe we'd make it through and, like, be heroes. Maybe we get caught and spend some time and finally be able to prove and show that we were willing to put our money where our mouth was. But just 20ft away were three kids who didn't have that option or the luxury of having that sort of a stance on their situation. For them, it was life or death, and they had just seen death. Eventually we got to the borderline. It was hot. It was an August day, It was a Saturday. It was slow moving for the first time. I started to get really excited and then really sick and then excited and sick. And this just went back and forth. And we tried to keep the mood light in the car, but Raul began to shake and shake more visibly, staring straight ahead the closer we got to the border. Roberto tried to lighten him up, tussling his hair, talking to him in Spanish, kind of poking his side, but it wasn't really getting through. It couldn't get him out of his head. The next thing we knew, we were next. My stomach muscles and my chest were tightening so much. It was pushing my ribs into my lungs and it was making it hard to breathe. But all I could think of is what is happening to poor Raul up here, everything he's just seen, and now what we're about to go do, and then we're there. The squat, fat officer comes over looking already Annoyed and in a slight drawl just says, roll down the windows. So we roll down the windows and he sort of surveys the scene. He looks and he sees this 40 year old Mexican man with a 9 year old Mexican boy in the front seat. And then in the back he sees two white kids and two little girls. And an odd expression came over his face as he tried to figure out what in the fuck was going on here. He said, let me see your papers. So he gave him the papers and he studied them hard and he studied us and he looked at the papers and then his face actually relaxed and looked like it, it was going to work out. He leaned in to hand them to us and then kind of stopped, looked at us all one more time and he said, what's everybody's name? Well, kind of all on top of each other, we said our names, except for Raul, of course. So he kind of honed in on him. He stuck his head in the car a little farther. What's your name? Raul just shook and stared straight ahead. So in Spanish he said it one more time, what's your name? And Raul, in a shaking voice, said, roberto Guerrero. The officer shot his head back and said, was that a fucking question? What's your name? Roberto Guerrero. At this point, he turned to Roberto and he said, what in the fuck's going on here? How come this kid doesn't speak any English? How come he doesn't know his name? Roberto said, well, I. Well, I sent him down to stay with my sister. And he said, no, no, no. The child paper you just gave me said he was born in the United States. You don't forget English because you spent the summer with your sister. Why don't you go over there? And he pointed us to the detention line. As soon as we got there, they pulled the kids out. Raul turned back to look at us as he was being dragged into the interrogation room with just a remorseful, terrified face. And he was gone. And Roberto just kept repeating over and over to us and certainly to himself, it's nothing, we're fine guys, it's nothing. Thirty minutes later they brought us in. And as they did, we saw the kids exiting the interrogation room with tear stained faces. They didn't ask us a lot of questions after that. They slapped bracelets on us as said los cosmuglas. And they put us in an elevator with two armed guards wearing shotguns, which I thought, who shoots a shotgun inside? Seems like that would be a problem. They took Roberto one direction, they took me and Keith the other, and a young Completely shaved head officer sat me and Keith down in front of a picture of the framed constitution and said, I want you to look at this and I want you to realize why you shouldn't be allowed back in the United States. Our blood boiled. And as we started to speak up and say something, three other officers ran over screaming in our face, grabbed us and pulled us to our hard plastic seats in a sea of hard plastic seats and sat us down. And as soon as he did, all eyes turned on us. The only two white kids, and the eyes were not exactly looking welcoming. After we were there for just a little while, staring at the ground, thinking one more time, fuck, this is real. Some people started talking to Roberto and then laughter erupt, noises I was not expecting to hear. And as it did, the officers jumped up behind their desk, slammed their fist on it and said, shut the fuck up. Well, suddenly we looked up and all those heart eyes that were glaring at us were now smiling. And the man next to me said, we asked your friend what he's doing here with these gringos. He said he got caught trying to smuggle you into Mexico. He said, no, but he told us what, what happened. Good looking out. And suddenly everyone wanted to tell us their story. So I heard stories of people that were in desperate situations trying to find a better life for themselves or bring their brother across. People that didn't really have an option. I mean, here we were, we certainly had an option. We were doing this for adventure and for a sense of justice. Everyone else that was in there was doing it because they had to. It seemed like that was their only way that they were going to make a better life for themselves or any sort of life. Now they don't let you sleep. It's impossible to do it. So you sit in these hard plastic chairs and you kind of nod off and you do this and it doesn't work out. If you lean forward, they come wake you up. And Keith, love him, but he really likes to push it in the wrong situations. He turned to me after about 11 hours of sitting there straight with bloodshot, half opened eyes, and he says, fuck this, I have to sleep. So he got on his hands and knees and he crawled to the wall opposite the desks, laid out like he was in a fucking Holiday Inn. Everyone around me is grabbing me and shaking me and pointing at him and going, mmm, mmm, mmm. That's delirious. I think it's funny. There's nothing I can do about this shit. So sitting there for a While and about 20 minutes later, a woman that looks like a bulldog standing straight up wearing leather boots, walks over to him, sort of like this, stands over him, staring at him, and with a toe punt to the ribs, rips him and me out of the idea that we are there and have any sort of free will or control over what is happening to us right now. As Keith's eyes meet her steely gaze, she growls out through gritted teeth, morning, sunshine. She grabs ahold of his shoulder, has him on his feet and disappeared in the back room in seconds. I started panicking. I have no idea what's happening. Keith's gone. I can only imagine what sort of beating he's receiving back there. Everyone that's telling me stories about all of these people, that the officers and all of this, they're not nice people, stories of violence is all I was hearing from these guys. And now they have Keith, who has actually fucked up. They have a reason to kick his ass in their warped minds. I can't close my eyes because every time I do, all I see is just some atrocious act being taken out on him. About 45 minutes later, he comes back looking at the ground. They've stripped him of everything except for his pants and his shirt. And as he sort of trudges back over to a seat right in front of me, they sit him down, and everyone's silent, staring forward. The gravity of the situation is on us, and I don't know what's wrong with me, but when I'm in these sorts of situations, I have to find a way out by any means. So I lean forward, and in a soft whisper, I say to him, morning, sunshine. The crowd erupts in laughter. We all feel human again. Okay. Keith's back, and from what I can tell, he's okay. About a few hours later, they kick us out on one side of the border, they kick the kids out on the other. Me and Keith receive warnings. Months after this happened, a law would pass that would no longer allow that to happen. We would have gotten felonies. Roberto gets a felony. They keep his car. We fly back to Washington, and a week later, those same border guards that sat us in front of the Constitution and all high and mighty for a bribe, those kids were over here. One week later. Also a week after that, against all odds, we find out that Pedro, their father, had actually lived through the accident. I guess it wasn't an accident. He had lived through the shooting. He had lost his eye and hearing in his right ear, but he actually made it through. And the last time we saw them was in that Mexican restaurant. And we walked in and we all nervously smiled and nodded and looked into each other's eyes. This time, we didn't look away. Thank you.

[Unknown Host]

We'll be right back.

[Unknown Dietitian]

Yeah, sure thing. Hey, you saw that car yet?

[Kevin Allison]

Yeah, sold it to Carvana.

[Unknown Dietitian]

Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.

[Kevin Allison]

The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency. No interest over 36 months. Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient.

[Unknown Dietitian]

Just like that.

[Unknown Host]

Yep.

[Unknown Dietitian]

No hassle?

[Kevin Allison]

None.

[Unknown Dietitian]

That is super convenient. Sell your car to Carvana and swap hassle for convenience. Pickup fees may apply.

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[Unknown Host]

We're back. Hey, how you guys doing? All right. Okay, good. There we go. So I'm from here. I'm from New York. Growing up, I spent a lot of time in my family's local bar. And it was owned by my Uncle Sal. And not to scrimp on description, but he was just exactly what you think and Uncle Sal would be. And so the bar was like, you know, it's like a local dive, you know, like a working class working guys bar. You know, the kind of place like where we had, we had regulars, you know, and all the regulars had nicknames and they were just like, you know, like they were cool. But it was also, you know, you realize they kind of like boil the person down to their most base physical quality. Right. For example, my favorite goiter, Eddy, who actually just as easily could have been called Oxygen Tank Eddie because not only did he have, like, this giant goiter under his chin, but he also had an oxygen tank. He, like, wheeled a fucking oxygen tank into the bar with him and, like, put it down next to his bar still. All right, so we had other guys, you know, we had, like, weird guys that were like, you know, we had, like, Big Joe, you know, who was big, and we had Black Joe, who was black, and we had one Armed Joe who actually had one fucking arm, right? And there was a bunch of guys who also given nicknames, kind of like, based on the work that they did. So, you know, you had, like, you know, Jimmy ice cream. He sold ice cream. And, you know, like, Vinnie the Fish, he sold fish. He worked at the fish market. Now, obviously, there's a lot more to these guys than, you know, their jobs or their goiters, but getting to know them wasn't exactly easy. And even though you kind of, like, didn't know the first thing about these guys, people judge them. And by people, I mean me. So I'm working a day shift, and since 10 o'clock in the morning, it has just been me and a guy named Joe Bird, regular, right? And now Joe drank Budweiser. Nothing but Budweiser. Never short of a case, with or without the help of his brother Billy, who was a lot shorter and a much worse drunk, but who had a little more front teeth. And at this point, I am, like, in college, I'm 21 years old, and I just kind of think that I am better than these guys that I have grown up with. I'm basically like a little fucking shit. Joe was. Joe and his brother had both come from South Boston, right? And they had these, like, you know, these like, South Boston accents. They always wore work boots and jeans and they had, like, flannels. And I kind of like, figured that they were in construction, but I never actually asked. They never actually offered. All right, so two hours go by. Joe still sitting there drinking Buds. I'm still bartending. I order up some Chinese food. Chinese food delivery guy comes, and I end up getting into a fight with the guy because they had overcharged me. Guy doesn't understand. We just keep going back and forth. It's getting, like, really, really heated. He wants me to pay, I won't pay. It gets so big that we get into such a big fight that Joe actually comes around the bar and he gets in between us, right? And at this point, I kind of wince. I kind of look away because Joe is like this super tough guy. I'm like, he's just gonna fucking clock him, right? And I wince. But what I hear next shoots my eyes right back open. Jobird is speaking to this guy slowly and calmly and completely in Chinese. This guy, all right, this guy who just a fucking second ago was, like, drinking a bottle of Bud and eating a bag of Fritos for breakfast, okay? This guy who I have known for, like, years and years on end, this guy who's like a fucking toothless Wahlberg, all right, this guy is, like, rattling on and on in fluent fucking Chinese, right? I mean, it is like. It is unbelievable, right? And they seem to be, like, patching things up, and they're, like, you know, patting each other on the back and they're doing whatever that thing, you know, like, they're saying, like, everything is cool, bro. In Chinese, it looks like, right? And the guy trots on out, and Joe sits down at the fucking bar, and he takes a little sip of his beer like nothing's ever happened. And I'm in a fucking state of shock. Like, I can't say anything. I'm just. I'm just staring at him. And so finally, Joe does. He goes, all right, I sell pigeons. My mouth says nothing. My eyebrows say, what the fuck? He goes, in Chinatown. I still don't say anything. He goes, a couple of years back, I expanded the business. I started selling them in Hong Kong, too. And, you know, my brother, he doesn't speak Cantonese, and it really holds him back. I still don't say anything. And then finally he goes, listen, listen. I know it's all weird, but my father started the business years ago, and it was all just an accident that did it. Joe. I go, how the fuck do you accidentally sell a pigeon, right? So Joe tells me, all right, here's how you accidentally sell a pigeon. His father, like, 50 years earlier, is driving through Boston with a pickup truck full of cages of his racing pigeons. He raced pigeons, right? And he stops at a light in Chinatown in Boston, and a Chinese woman approaches him in the car and asks to buy one. And he's kind of caught off guard. And he sort of explains that he's, like, trained them himself, and this is his hobby. And, you know, he hasn't really. They're not really for sale. And she's like, no, no, no. I don't want to race them. I want to eat them. And a little. A little light bulb goes off. Wait for it. Street pigeons. Street pigeons are fucking talentless. But they are edible, and more importantly, they are completely free. Presuming you can figure out how to catch one of these motherfuckers right? And so they figure out exactly how to do that. And I can tell you how it is done because Joe showed me later. It is unfucking believable. It is an amazing thing you do. It's like this one fluid motion. You basically go up to said street pigeon and you get about a foot away and you sort of do this thing. It's like. It's one really quick motion. You stomp, they fly, you clap. Bam. Pigeon. Sounds easy, but it really isn't. Anyway, they got this whole shit down to a science. And so the family business was born, right? Now, of course, all of this is, like, completely illegal, right? So the, like, Bird boys, like, kept the business a secret anyway while it was the father that got the whole thing started. It was like Joe that took it to the next level, right? It's like Joe. It's like, you know, like Joe did, like, what McDonald's did for the hamburger Joe Bird did for the street picture, right? Guy's a fucking mogul, right? He, like, took me to his apartment later, and it was filled with, like, jade Buddhas and, you know, antique bamboo furniture and all this shit. Anyway, the point is, I guess that. The point is that I am an idiot. And for two reasons. Up until this very moment, I thought that Bird was his real last name. And two, you know, here I was, like, working in my family business, but also sort of like, you know, thinking I was better than everybody because I was in college and oh, man, didn't that fucking make me ambitious, you know, Only to find out that these people I thought I was better than, you know, actually like, taught themselves Cantonese to be secret international criminal pigeon dealers. How's that for ambition, you know? Anyway, Joe was kind of like. He was a pretty hard living guy. So I think that as far as where he is today, it's like there's an equal chance that he OD'd as much as, like, he's heading a department for Google, you know, it could go either way, but without him, I don't think I ever would have had this sort of thought one day. And it's important, so I'll end it with this. I was working the shift one day early in the morning, about like, nine in the morning. And there's only one guy in the bar, and he's sitting in the last stool right by the window. And there's a guy walking to work, and he's in a business suit and he's got his briefcase and he's obviously walking to work and he's staring in the bar window and my bar regular is staring right back at him and they're just looking at each other and I'm looking at them and I don't think they realize it, but I realize it for the first time that they're both thinking the exact same thing. And that is. Poor guy. Thank you.

[Kevin Allison]

This is risk. This is Birds Lament by Moondog behind me now. And we just heard from Tara Clancy, whose memoir the Clancy's of Queens is phenomenal. Well, that is all for the best of secret stories number two. Don't forget to email me about my upcoming online storytelling workshops for the spring and summer of 2025. I'm at [e-mail] and folks, today's the day. Take a risk. Quiet. Don't tell anybody.

[Unknown Narrator]

Don't let him know there's a secret. I didn't get to play on it at all.

[Unknown Host]

Wa.

[Unknown Narrator]

They kick me out.