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- [00:00]
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- [03:05]
Kevin Allison
Risk.
- [03:07]
Peppermint
Hey, folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, and every Thursday we release these special episodes where we look back at from our earlier episodes. And this episode is dropping on Juneteenth. Here's to the continuing fight for freedom. And today we have the best of trans lives 4, another one of our special Pride Month episodes this month. And I'm so thrilled that we have Peppermint. Joining me to discuss the stories today, one of the beloved stars of RuPaul's Drag Race, a few fabulous recording artist and activist. And I'm so happy to bring Peppermint in in just a bit. But first, let's get to the first story we're gonna hear today. It is by the wonderful Tuesday Thomas, and it's a story we call a fucking miracle.
- [04:14]
Tuesday Thomas
Hello. I was in my 20s like 100 years ago, and I did what girls like me did back then, which was to go down to Mexico because Mexico had hormones over the counter. You didn't have to have a doctor's prescription. But the main thing I went for was to get my titties. It's all about the titties. Because doctors back then in America, they didn't want to fuck with girls like me. They didn't want to do that. And if you did find a doctor who would do that, they were generally butchers and charged you a lot of money. And the doctor, it was hard to get the hormones and stuff. This was like, you know, a long time ago. The world's different now. But back then, that's what we had to do. So it seems weird, doesn't it, that Mexico is so accepting a macho country like Mexico. But they preferred that if you were a man, for a man to become a woman than just to be a gay man. They didn't like that. But they, you could get, you could get hormones, really strong ones, too, the good kind you could get them over the counter back then. Also, if you're walking down the street and somebody thought something was slightly off from you, that you were slightly different, they'd hone in on you until they figured out what it was. People were really rough back then. They wanted to know what, what was going on. And if they found out you were trans, it wasn't that easy. You know, there was a lot of violence, there was a lot of really bad shit that could happen to you. And so it was all about passing. Not like today, where you could just be yourself. You had to pass. There was, that's what you had to do. And so to go down to get my titties was meaning I pass, I would fit in and that's what I had to do. So I went down there and I get to the beautiful, beautiful place of Guadalajara, the garden spot of Mexico. It's where all the girls went. Beautiful temperatures, gorgeous landscapes. I mean, just wonderful. It's not a third world thing, it's a major city. And so I went down there and I went about a week beforehand to acclimate myself. It was my first time flying out of the country internationally. And I get there and oh my God, I'm walking around there and people are like, oh, muy bonita, bonita, mujer. Mujer is if you don't know, it's Spanish for women. I'm like, I don't know if they know what I am or not, but they obviously don't give a fuck. Like in the US this is like, maybe I'll just live here the rest of my life. My dysphoria was like going away. It was amazing. And then I went and I was down there. I decided, why not? I'll splurge for a nose job too. Got a nose job, got my titties, stayed for a while afterwards to heal. I was treated like a queen. Like I said, nobody side eyed me like they did in the States. It was wonderful. It was heaven. And I had done my research too, like, like you could buy the hormones over the counter at the pharmacies, pharmacia, but you could only have a certain amount. And if you had a letter from your doctor down there, it was legal to bring them back. It was not illegal at all if you had that amount or under and that letter. So I was like, damn, it's so hard to get him in the States. I'm going to get my femme juice and I'm going to be set. I'm gonna have that good strong hormone. And so I got him and I thought everything was great. I'm like riding high. I'm like, I'm a fucking woman. I am beautiful, I am wonderful. Every fucking person in Mexico called me mujer, called me Bonita. Life is great. So I flew back into the States and I had my first stop in United States of San Antonio. And I know we're all like, Texas. I mean, yeah, it's a lot worse now than it was then, but the thing about San Antonio was they had just like within a week or so, I mean, it was very, very soon from me flying in that they had just become an international airport, okay? Brand new to being international. So they're backed up, they don't know what they're doing necessarily. And so I'm waiting in line and I'm going through the customs and waiting with everybody else. And I'm talking to people because the whole flight up there, you know, guys are winking at me on the plane and I'm just like. So I'm waiting in customs and I'm just like, yeah, I'm the shit. I'm Bodita Mujer. I'm going to change my name to Bonita Mujer. And so I go up and I get right up to there and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this big back country peckerwood, white CIS male hand grabs me by the shoulder and announces, there's something not right about this person. They. This person. And they, as a trans woman from back then, you know what that meant. That's what everybody said when they were like, well, I think it's an it. I'm not going to call it. It's not like now where it's they. Them is wonderful. Back then it was not a good thing when people called you that. So I'm like, oh, fuck, what's going on? Open your bag. So I opened the bag, pulled out the hormones, and I'm like, I've got the doctors know these are illegal drugs. These are illegal drugs. This person's. It's this person. This person echoing in my head is carrying illegal drugs. And they're also not a woman. They dress up like a woman to have sex with all you unsuspecting men. There's 100 people there that are hearing this shit. I'm mortified. They grab me, they take me to a back room. The whole time that pucker woods, hands in the air, being high fived by his co workers. Good job. You're gonna go places. You spotted that thing. You know what you're doing. And they Throw me in this room. I don't know how long I'm in the room. It ended up to be over eight hours. Minutes become hours, hours become days. You know, seemed like I was in there for weeks. I didn't know what was happening. I mean, I paced a lot. I cried a fucking lot. I screamed a lot. I flipped off the obvious two way mirror. Many times. No clocks in the room. I was only visited three times. One time to have a bottle of water thrown at me. Another time to have a tray with a prepackaged bologna sandwich and a Capri sun on it in front of me. And the third time was to have three men come in the room and stand in the doorway and point and laugh at me. I'm not Bonita Mujera anymore. I am not Bonita Muhera anymore. In my mind, I am just that fucking freak again. Finally, some guy comes. It was a little over eight hours, as I found out later, but he comes in, he goes, you can go, you can go. Drugs weren't illegal. You didn't do anything wrong. You can go. No apology. No. We'll make sure you get on your flight. Connecting flight. Here's a voucher for dinner. Nothing. Nothing but me being me. I looked at him and said, well, since the drugs weren't illegal, can I have them back? I want my hormones back. I want something out of this. And he looked at me and he said, we're not going to be a party to that. We're not contributing to that kind of behavior. We flushed them. Now if you don't get out, we're going to hold you for resisting arrest. I ran. I mean, not literally, but very close to out that door. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't really have any money. I mean, it was before cell phones, before computers and all that stuff. I didn't know what to do. I went to the counter of my airline and I was like, I got held up in customs. I don't know what to do. I missed my flight. Now I don't know if this woman, in my mind, she knew everybody in the fucking world knew what just happened to me. But I didn't know if she had just come on shift, I didn't know anything about her. And she's punching in, she goes, oh, yeah, says you were held by customs. We're brand new. Customs is really screwing with all the flights. They mess up everything here. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I can get your connecting. No charge. It wasn't your fault. And I'm like, oh, great, I'm gonna get out of here. She goes, the only problem is it's tomorrow morning, seven hours from now, and I'm like, I'm never gonna go. I'm gonna die here, you know, I'm never gonna get out. So I took my suitcase, I found a corner of the airport, like, behind the seats and stuff, and I just tried to, like, unpack some of it and made a pillow and stuff and tried to sleep. But of course, people are walking by and things are happening, and I'm a dirty, disgusting freak in my head that everybody's pointing and staring at. So maybe 10 minutes, an hour I would sleep. And I finally got time to go back, and I ran to the bathroom. You know, I'm in the bathroom, I'm trying to put on some makeup. I'm trying to freshen myself up. I'm trying to change my clothes. I'm giving myself a whore bath. You know, I'm doing anything I could possibly could to make myself feel and look the best I could, which still to me was, you know, a dirty, disgusting, you know, a ladyboy, whatever you wanted to call it at the time. Everybody knew what happened to me. All night, people in my mind were pointing and, you know, saying, that's that weirdo. That's the one. So get on the plane to go. And I feel defeated. And, you know, I'm mid-20s. There was an older man that was seated next to me, and to me, older, 40, probably in his 40s, because when you're 20, 25 is fucking ancient, you know? So he started talking to me. You're so beautiful. I'm like, oh, am I? You're gorgeous. Oh, thank you. Oh, yeah. I'd like to see you, you know, when we get back, you know, when you get. Oh, you would? I needed that. I needed that. He wanted to take me out to dinner. I took his number. But I had no intention of going out with him because all I needed was somebody to feed my ego. And so I took what I needed because I had people been taken from me for so long. I took what I needed and just filled myself up with it. And I went home. But I never forgot my place. I never forgot my place in life. I never forgot. I always have to worry, look over my shoulder. There could be a time that things could be taken away from me. Being trans. There could be a time my life could be taken away from me. My freedom, my medicine, anything could be taken away from me. Because back then, I did not have a path. That was 40 some years ago, I did not have a path. I had a forest that I had to cut down those trees to make a path. And now there's a superhighway from that path that I cut because I didn't have any trans elders. I didn't have any celebrities. I didn't have anybody could guide me. Like I said, no computers, nothing. I had to find it. And I'm okay with that. I'm not a victim. I'm okay with that. Because if now that whole purpose was, now I'm happy that somebody can look at me and say, that's my trans elder. That's my celebrity. That's the person I'm gonna look up to. Thank you. I'm okay with that. Cause you know what? My name's Tuesday Thomas, and I'm a fucking miracle. Thank you.
- [17:51]
Kevin Allison
Some girls, they got it so easy they got it so easy Some girls, they might call me easy but it's not that easy Some girls can call their daddies up but my daddy doesn't even know my name Some girls might be good at giving up But I'm always better playing this old game and girls like us do what we have.
- [18:34]
Acraf
To do.
- [18:37]
Kevin Allison
And girls like us will always make it through and girls like us living our only truth and girls like us we'll do what we have.
- [19:01]
Peppermint
To do this is Risk. We just heard from Tuesday Thomas, and this is Peppermint behind me now, who you can find@peppermintonline.com. and now let's hear a clip of myself and Peppermint talking about Tuesday's story. Okay, I'm here with Peppermint, and we've just heard Tuesday Thomas. She is such a character. I love her.
- [19:35]
Kevin Allison
My gosh, thank you for bringing this to my attention. I mean, it's hard to fathom, as long as I've been around, that I haven't encountered this story or been at a show or heard her, been to one of her presentations before. But, like, there's so much that spoke to me. And it was so then and now, like, it was like really speaking on two planes, you know?
- [19:58]
Peppermint
Yeah, well, what was such a trip about? It is it was recorded in 2023, and she's talking about how, like, oh, in the 80s, it was like this. And I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. Like, we're on the verge of everyone wanting to push it back to, like, the nineteen fucking fifties.
- [20:13]
Kevin Allison
Yeah. We were not enfranchised as trans people. Like, we didn't have our own.
- [20:19]
Peppermint
Right?
- [20:20]
Kevin Allison
I mean, in terms of, like, in the mainstream, we didn't have. There wasn't a seat, a place for us at the official table. We had our own table. There wasn't a place for us at the official table. But we also didn't have people passing laws that we couldn't have a table.
- [20:33]
Peppermint
Yes.
- [20:34]
Kevin Allison
You know what I mean? So, like, there was a level of obscurity and anonymity that could be, you know, enjoyed. And when she was talking about going to Mexico and, you know, people kind of winking at her and paying her compliments, you know, some of them may have known her teeth. Some of them may have just thought that she's some beautiful lady, you know, whatever, random lady. But there was a moment in time. I mean, I remember traveling around the country in the late 90s and early 2000s, and people in New York were very aware, like, I don't care if you were a person at the gay bar, somebody at the airport, or somebody in the middle of the street, or like, somebody, you know, who was unhoused over by the wherever. Everybody knew who the gays were, who the trans people were. Like, they could pick them out for the most part. And I remember walking past somebody and overhearing the conversation, like, oh, that's a trans person. They take a di. Di. And, you know, like, they just knew. Whereas even as recent as, like, probably last week, but, like, as recent as, like a few years ago in, like, Oklahoma or whatever, I could travel around even, like, the Deep south, which is not my choice to do, but, like, I was working there, you know, like, there's a show. I'll go get a dollar. And I went to go to go to work, and I was able to go into the women's room and able to go to this place at the airport and able to have. And with. I don't consider myself passing in any way, shape or form, but I do think that I have a vibe that gives off, like, female woman vibe, of course, enough for strangers in the street in places that are not as educated about this topic, at least. Oh, there's an asterisk in places like that where they will just be like, oh, hey, Ms. Whatever. And they just think I'm some lady with a deep voice, you know, and that's that. Now I think today it's probably a little different today they're probably a little more savvy.
- [22:55]
Peppermint
Yeah. And like, it's such a. Like it's used politically as such a divisive thing in order to get people riled up that I think it, you know, it's kind of like telling people, oh, if you see red and then all of a sudden all you can see is red.
- [23:14]
Kevin Allison
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
- [23:17]
Peppermint
Holy shit.
- [23:17]
Kevin Allison
So they're on the hunt for it. But this story was, I mean, it was just so beautiful. And the isolation that she experienced in the jail cell or where the police holding place really, it really spoke to me. On one hand, that is something that she experienced as a person traveling who was able to travel internationally to go get their hormones and their surgeries. Because there's. It reminds me of so many people back then, and maybe even increasingly now that they're going to try to outlaw gender affirming care, essentially, who didn't even have enough money, you know, who might have been sex workers and didn't have enough money to travel and they were getting their botched jobs in the alley, you know, and using cement from the hardware store. And many girls died in, you know, either on the table or shortly thereafter. And many did not. Probably most did not. Thank goodness. There's lots of famous girls that I know that have, you know, basically, you know, Home Depot silicone up in their body and they're doing all right. You know, at least they look all right and they're still with us. But, you know, obviously it's not recommended and you know, it just shows you that, like the lengths to which people will go.
- [24:45]
Peppermint
Yeah.
- [24:47]
Kevin Allison
To cope and then be happy, you know, but the isolation that she felt alone in that place where they were able to take her belongings, take her medication.
- [24:57]
Chumba Casino Advertiser
Yep.
- [24:57]
Kevin Allison
She said she had her doctor send the prescription so she could pick up that amount legally and bring it across the border. So it was her medication that was prescribed.
- [25:06]
Peppermint
Absolutely.
- [25:07]
Kevin Allison
And if a doctor's prescribing is something, it's because you need it. And so it's interesting that that wasn't even considered gender affirming care, which by today's standards, even though they're rolling it back, gender affirming care is considered essential for health. And until this big quote, unquote beautiful bill that they're trying to pass goes through, gender affirming care for adults right now is considered essential healthcare. Even though they're trying to of course, reverse that so that they can remove it. But it's a stark reminder. Sorry, I'm gabbin, I'm not.
- [25:41]
Peppermint
No, no, no, no, no, no. That's exactly what I was thinking. When that happened, they kind hostage and then just steal from her. It's crazy.
- [25:52]
Kevin Allison
I'm seeing a lot of the headlines that are happening right now and I'm Thinking, wow, in terms of the way that the government is acting and treating certain individuals that are within the borders of this country currently, in terms of people being swiped up on the street and being sent to prisons out of the country and all types of things, in addition to things that are happening with reversal of protections for marginalized groups, like, she didn't even have the protections. That was her medication that she brought legally. And she was detained, not given any type of retribution, no recourse. She obviously got the airline rescheduled because of the reputation. But I think that wasn't even necessarily on specifically the merits of what happened to her. I think they're just saying, oh, they're messing up all the time. Here's another free ticket.
- [26:36]
Peppermint
Right?
- [26:37]
Kevin Allison
And you know, but without that, she would have just been shit out a lot, you know.
- [26:43]
Peppermint
Absolutely. And the way that that agent just like made such a spectacle out of it, yelling to people like, they dress up like a woman to have sex with you unsuspecting men. It's like, what the fuck? Like always finding a way to make themselves the victims.
- [27:02]
Kevin Allison
Always. And then, and then I can guarantee you, if there had been a part two of that or if that story had gone on longer, not that I would have ever wished that on her. Cause that sounds like a harrowing experience. But if that had gone on longer, the part two of that, like the at night version of that would have been that same officer showing up to her door at night to unzip his pants and try to have something happen. You wanna get out of here?
- [27:25]
Tuesday Thomas
Yeah.
- [27:26]
Kevin Allison
You know what I mean? It would've. That is like a guarantee. It happens all the time.
- [27:32]
Peppermint
My God, but she is fabulous. She is a fucking miracle. So thank God for that.
- [27:40]
Kevin Allison
Mm.
- [27:41]
Peppermint
Okay. That is that. And in a little bit we're gonna hear a story called Beyond Belief by a Craft that is. All right, after these messages.
- [27:56]
Kevin Allison
We'll be right back.
- [27:58]
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- [28:59]
Kevin Allison
Hey there. My name is Jody Avregan. Have you noticed the present day? It feels pretty rocky. Well, I think history can help. What's more, this little country of ours, the United states, it's turning 250 soon. So how did we get here? On this day, historians Nicole Hemmer and Kelly Carter Jackson and I sit down to look at stories from the past, silly, surprising, deeply relevant that feel like they have something to teach us about today. This day, three times a week. You can find it wherever you're listening right now.
- [29:30]
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- [31:23]
Acraf
The first time it really started to feel real. Like something beyond just my furtive online searches to figure myself out was when I got the email. This email seemed very official. It was purportedly from the producer of a reality TV show. In this show they had on people from alternative lifestyles to basically share their lifestyle with normal people and let them compete. The premise was silly, but it was fascinating. So I had watched it with a group of friends. I started to get really excited because it was real. This is real. This is happening. And it was amazing. It was the only thing I could think about at the back of my mind for days. They wanted me to come on as a representative of my community. And this community was something that seemed too good to be true. I had always felt out of step. Most teenagers do though, so nobody paid that much attention to it, no matter how much I tried to ask my parents for help. But eventually I found myself online. In the early days of dial up Internet googling, what the hell is wrong with me? And eventually I found a website. I still remember the way it looked because it was very striking and it was a black background with this seven pointed silver star with rainbow in the background behind the star. The article said 10 signs you might be an otherkin. What an otherkin is basically is somebody who feels like their soul was out of step with their body. They didn't belong in this body and this life that they were living. And it was because they weren't human. This list contained things like, you've never felt at home or you feel like people don't understand you, or you feel like you don't look the way you're supposed to. And since I checked every single thing on that list, I remember just kind of sitting there with it for a minute and going, huh? I went out into the yard and I climbed up into my favorite tree. As I sat there on the branch, I was debating, can this be real? Can this be true? It sounds crazy. And yet. And yet it is the only thing that I have ever heard that makes sense and actually captures how I feel. I want to cry. So okay, I guess I'm an elf. Once that was decided, I started looking for others of my kind online. There were a couple of forums that were fairly active back in this time. The feeling of welcome on the boards was incredible. To have a community just be like, we are so, so happy you're here. Welcome back, because you've always belonged here. It felt so good because I was so lonely. And suddenly these people also understood not Only the loneliness, but the feeling completely out of step in a way that nobody else around me really understood. Nobody got that. I just didn't feel at home. But these people did. And half of them are like, hey, I think we were family in a past life. So not only did I have friends, but I had family. And since my family was dysfunctional, that was huge to me. I had one friend that I started calling father because we decided that in a past life we'd been parent and child. And it was incredible to have that kind of a connection. And the validation right off the bat, just, yes, this is where you belong. But the validation from the outside world came in the form of that email, like, okay, yes, this is real. This is a real thing that people outside of the community also know exists, and you are being looked at as a potential representative of it. That season two never got greenlit and I never heard back. And I'm glad because, boy, that would have been so embarrassing to have that exist. But I was curious and I was willing to do it because it would have been more validation and it would have been a few weeks getting to live as an elf full time with everybody around me acknowledging it. Of course, I tried to do that in my daily life around school and work. I would put on the pointy ears and I would wear them around and we would take photos dressed up in fancy embroidered elven tunics. There were a couple of days when I wore some really long points to work and I had my hair long and it would cover the joins between the silicone ears and my natural ear so you couldn't see it because it was buried under my hair. One day I was up at the register and a middle aged soccer mom looking woman comes up to me because that was the majority of our clientele at this health food store. She came up to me and she looked at those ears and she said, you wouldn't want those for real. I know you wouldn't. And I was kind of taken aback because until that point everybody had been confused but affable about it. But she, she wanted me to know that I did not want this. I said, no, I wish my ears were pointed. And she just got this closed off pinch look on her face. It just reinforced to me that so many people just didn't understand. At home, I would also wear the ears and we'd sometimes, my group of friends and I, which consisted of a local dragon and a couple of other elves, we would put on our clothes and we would go out to scenic locations and take photos in our garb with our pointed ears and our. Whatever made us feel the most like ourselves. And there's this one photo where I was wearing a long frock coat and I had my hair thrown back over my shoulder. My hair was shining golden in the sun, and there was the pointed ears. And I was smiling broadly in this photo. And that almost never happened. I hated having my photo taken. I never liked the way I looked. It never felt right. It always looked awkward and forced and unnatural. But somehow those pointed ears sticking out of my hair made the photo look right. And I thought, as I looked at that photo, yeah, yeah, that's it. That's the way I'm supposed to look. There I am. There was a group out in Kansas, of all places, that lived in a farm area out there. And so we flew out to go to an elven conference. You know, we're talking full Lord of the Rings here. This is what was happening. We were getting together, and we were having a council of elves. We put together our little stream. We had our chairs circled around, and we all sat there in full elven robes with, like, metal headpieces on. All of us had long hair, just sitting there in these full robes, discussing how our group was going to make the world a better place. But the most remarkable thing about this trip, but for those people who have never been out into the deep country where there is nothing but fields as far as the eye can see, and beyond it is the blackness of night. And so one night, when the weather was particularly clear, we all put on our robes and we carried banners that had been painted and painstakingly hung on sticks, and we paraded down a long country road. The stars were above us. There were so many of them. It was astounding. I didn't know there could be that many stars. And then, as we're parading down this road, you could practically hear the ethereal elven singing. And there was a culvert, and there was a bridge over this culvert. And as we crossed the bridge, the culvert was full. Full of fireflies. And so they're just rising up from below us and just coming up on either side of us and above us and around us, just glowing and sparkling. And it felt like standing in a sea of stars. It was the most beautiful moment of my life. And I felt so relieved because I thought, yeah, this is what I'm missing. This is where I'm supposed to be. This is what home looks like. I still haven't gotten over it 20 years later, even with the way things went, it was beautiful. When things like that exist, you can almost believe. You can put your hand out and you can just touch what is separating you from where you're supposed to be. And if you just push, you can get there. One thing that was very common in the other Kinforms was this concept of a veil. And the veil is this plane, this curtain between our world and the world we're supposed to be in, where we will be ourselves again. We'll get to go home. It was always talked about as, I can't wait till the veil drops and we can go home. There were lots and lots of conversations where people would say, I think it's falling soon, because if it's not, I cannot take this anymore. There was so much yearning and grief in so many of these conversations. People would say, I dreamt last night that I saw my dragon mother and she welcomed me home and I finally felt at peace for the first time in my life. Or I thought I saw the trees and they were singing to me and I just need to get there. Why can't I get there? Why can't I get there? It was intense. This feeling of being out of a body and out of place all the time, and like, there's just. It's almost there, you can almost see it, but you can't get there. So I left the community. The longing feelings and the feeling out of sorts of that never went away, that was always there. But I ignored it. I pushed it aside. I went to college, got married, and I tried to pretend that everything was fine and I was perfectly normal. All the while. I knew I wasn't and I knew what the problem was. I'd always known what the problem was. So I went out to dinner with my best friend of 25 years because I had something I needed to say to her. It was something I needed to say to a lot more people. But, you know, I figured she was a safe place to start because she put up with me through a lot and she was less likely to freak out and bail on me than anybody else. Even though I knew I wasn't going to lose our friendship, when I said what I had to say, it was still hard. So we got all the way through dinner and dessert, and it wasn't until we were walking back to our cars. We were downtown, it was warm. I remember the smell of the streets. I'm looking at my feet and she's walking next to me. And I finally say, so here's the thing. I'm trans. And she looks at Me. She goes, yeah, I know you were saying that in high school. I'm not sure how this is supposed to be news, because after all, I had been all through high school, I was telling her in great detail and at great length that I was an elf, that I was a male elf. And she had rolled her eyes at the elf part, but she heard the rest of it. And she went, yeah, I know, I just didn't know you were going to do anything about it. Said, ah, well, okay then. That went better than I expected. After that, it was a pretty easy process. Some people were surprised. My parents, oddly enough, seem to have been the most surprised. Even though they were there for the very, very earliest signs. There were a lot of trans people in the otherkin community. We didn't use that word. We talked around it. We said, in this life I'm a man, but in the past I was a female dragon. And so I live with my partners as a female dragon. And nobody questioned, nobody messed up pronouns. It was just a given, no question, no comment, no notes. Next, the few that I've kept track of, I'd say probably about half of us have come out since. I don't think that anyone that I still talk to still believes that they were an elf because it served its purpose. But for that time period when representation was so non existent, this was a way to cope. Honestly, at the end of the day, there's still only so far that I can go. Because no matter what I do, no matter what procedures or surgeries or medications I take, no matter how I change my hair or my clothes or how I move through the world, the fact is still, I was born wrong. This isn't the body that my brain's supposed to go to. Knowing that is still really, really hard. At the end of the day, nothing can fix that. And that's just real. Sam.
- [46:47]
Kevin Allison
Lately I've been torn up Tossing back and forth I don't know what I'm supposed to do I want you but I'm caught up thinking Thinking of some problems Before I even know it the truth you're giving me the feeling that I never ever want to lose I gotta face the music but I don't know what to listen to I can't get too far ahead let's take it step by step I'm here, here for.
- [47:25]
Tuesday Thomas
It.
- [47:27]
Kevin Allison
All we got is our best we'll take it as it comes I'm here for it I'm here for it I'm here for it.
- [47:41]
Tuesday Thomas
I'm here for.
- [47:42]
Kevin Allison
It I'm Here for it.
- [47:50]
Peppermint
This is Risk. This is Peppermint again behind me now. And we just heard from Acraft. But before we go further, let's hear what Peppermint thought of that second story on today's episode. When I first heard that story, it really took me by surprise. I really didn't know where it was going.
- [48:14]
Kevin Allison
I have to be honest. I. I knew. I knew right away. I knew right away. Unless the surprise would have been, oh, they really are just talking about elves. You know, like, that would have been the surprise. But I kind of knew.
- [48:33]
Peppermint
Yeah, yeah. I mean, that totally makes sense. And it's such a funny point that he makes. His friend makes the point. Oh, you were always saying, I'm a male elf, and I was just kind of ignoring the elf part.
- [48:50]
Kevin Allison
Exactly, exactly. And, you know, I mean, thank goodness for the, you know, I don't know, but these are obviously somewhat close friends. They've known each other for a while, obviously. So thank goodness for the allies and the people that are around us, you know, because in lieu of, you know, sort of what Tuesday was saying about the, you know, the elders and the celebrities and the people that are, you know, the role models and even the resources, in lieu of those resources, what we did have are people that were like the chosen family and the friends around us in the group of other kin. But, you know, who are you going to get? It's going to be people, like, from your classmates or somebody else that will be there, and someone hopefully will recognize that little something in you and they'll know that maybe this is deeper than whatever it is that you're letting onto or whatever you're willing to say. And really, maybe that kind of resonates why so many queer people, just in general, definitely trans people, but queer people tend to take such a fascination in fantasy and in mermaids and transformative fantasy, also in horror, you know, something that connects with humanity differently and in kink, role play.
- [50:16]
Peppermint
Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. I did really appreciate how he talked about that one moment where they're all walking outside and there's a bunch of fireflies rising about them. And he said that even despite how things turned out later in the story, I still consider that one of the most beautiful moments of my life, 100%.
- [50:39]
Kevin Allison
I mean, at the end of the day, it does matter when people are able to express and then have their identities accepted for who they are. But in the wake of everything that's trying to happen, what they're trying to do, which is take away access to those Types of things. And essentially I'm guessing that the type of government that we're under right now would have us in a place where we would only have elf ears to cope. And you can still get through. It's certainly not the same thing, but you can survive and you can live and you can thrive and you can find community and people that will love you and understand you fully, even if you're not using the words or the terminology, if you don't have them. And so they can strike all the words from the things from the website, they can take away the access to this and that and it will be detrimental and it will be devastating and it will be probably illegal, at least for now. But we will make it through. We will make it through. We've been here the entire time and if we start having to put mixing up our own little stuff with baking soda and something in the kitchen and injecting that, we'll see what happens.
- [52:02]
Peppermint
Yeah, no, absolutely like it. There are so many reminders of how important community is right now. Good lord.
- [52:10]
Kevin Allison
Yeah, it's essential. It is the antidote to whatever we're gonna, however we're gonna survive into the next phase. Community definitely goes beyond the social because if we are in a situation, I mean, you know, to be frank, there's a lot of trans people, I'll say, myself included, who are far enough into their medical transition that the hormones that, you know, the human body needs hormones to function properly, like it's essential. And, and they are the life juice of the endocrine system. And so like we don't have not only sex hormones, but just like hormones in general. But you know, without access, my body doesn't make those things naturally anymore. And so I need them to live and function my have my body function. And without those, it could cause great risk to my well being as it would with anyone whose hormones that, you know, they don't have access to. I have to find a way to survive and get through that. And so I think the key to that will be not only a social community, but then also sort of like I'm trying to get myself into sort of like the mutual aid mentality where, listen, I can't make hormones, but I can figure something out. And maybe there's some elderly ladies who get the same hormones that I take, who, who they no longer need them. Then we'll have a knitting circle and we'll do hormone exchanges at the knitting circle and somebody will bake and I'll like do a show or something.
- [53:51]
Peppermint
I'm not gonna cook.
- [53:56]
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- [53:57]
Kevin Allison
But that's what we. We have to do. And then it doesn't matter if we can't get hormones from the hospital because we have them from ourselves with each other. It doesn't matter if they outlaw this or take this away. We'll get what we need. You know, we've had it, especially those of us who've had it. We know that what will be a suitable substitute in the meantime. So this is really inspiring. This story's really inspiring.
- [54:21]
Peppermint
Yeah. Find a way. We've gotta find a way. So thank you so much for chatting with us today. Peppermint, where can people find you?
- [54:32]
Kevin Allison
Oh, my gosh. They can find me on all my socials. Peppermint247 everywhere. Or just Google. But if there's, like, pictures, like, like, ignore the pictures and they can check me out on the latest season of Survival of the Thickest, which is a new Netflix series. We're in our second season, and we just found out, like, literally just found out that we got renewed for season three. So I'm super excited about that. Yeah, I play myself, which is confusing to a lot of people.
- [55:06]
Peppermint
That's amazing. Well, that is all of the best of trans lives number four. Thank you so much to Peppermint for joining us. Be sure and look her up@peppermintonline.com and if you have a story about trans life, pitch it to us. Maybe you can be on the next episode of this series. Everything you need to know about pitching is at risk-show.com folks, today's the day.
- [55:41]
Kevin Allison
Take a risk.
- [55:58]
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