The Fingers Episode

Summary

RISK! Podcast – The Fingers Episode

Date: September 2, 2025
Host: Kevin Allison
Storytellers: Bill Worley, Dominic Dierkes, Brad Lawrence

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Episode Overview

The Fingers Episode of RISK! dives into stories about digits—busted, bitten, broken, and missing. Host Kevin Allison and co-hosts weave together live stories, musical riffs, and banter, creating an atmosphere both comic and vulnerable. Listeners hear tales involving accidental amputations, martial arts mishaps, and bar fight blunders, underscored by the classic RISK! themes of wild true stories and unapologetic honesty.

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Key Discussion Points and Story Summaries

1. Setting the Tone: Playful, Musical, and Uncensored

• The hosts introduce the episode with playful banter and original songs about fingers (03:21–04:51).
• Announcement: Listeners are encouraged to vote for their favorite recent stories to appear on the next "Best of RISK!" episode. ([04:51])

2. Story 1: Just the Tip by Bill Worley (Live at Aisle 5, Atlanta)

Timestamps: 05:45–10:42

Summary

• Bill begins with a crowd-pleasing anecdote, using his missing fingertip as an icebreaker and humorous gesture—“I can say ‘fuck you’ with this finger. I can say ‘I’m kind of mad, slightly upset.’” (06:21)
• He tells a wild, possibly fabricated story about losing his finger—fighting off a knife-wielding drunk at a bar, resulting in Bill losing his fingertip and the attacker losing an eye. (06:36–07:12)
• Bill reveals that the real story is more mundane and tragic: At two and a half, a tube TV fell and sheared off his fingertip. Despite his mother’s frantic efforts—“She put the tip of my finger in a jar of ice…drove 45 minutes to see my dad, a chaplain, instead of the closer hospital” ([08:12])—it was too late to reattach.
• Reflects on how his missing finger became an accepted, even celebrated part of his identity. He urges others to embrace “what makes you different” and spin your own stories about the things that make you unique. (09:53–10:41)

Notable Quotes

• “It’s a part of me that I really love. It’s a way for me to kind of perform and break the ice.” – Bill Worley (06:15)
• “If you have something cool that happened, just make up a story.” – Bill Worley (09:59)

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3. Story 2: Pillow Fighter by Dominic Dierkes

Timestamps: 14:15–26:17

Summary

• Dominic describes his attempt to handle post-college anxiety by taking up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu—without health insurance, a detail he mockingly laments. (14:22)
• He recounts the grisly injury that followed: “I broke my left ring finger so that it was at a 45 degree angle to the rest of my finger…my immediate thing was, ‘why can’t I make a fist?’” (14:34)
• After explaining this to the unsympathetic gym crowd (“That happened to me.” “Well it doesn’t happen to me!”), he reveals a similar embarrassing injury from a college pillow fight—“it was a manly pillow fight”—but so embarrassed, he lies to the doctor, inventing a basketball accident to explain the spiral fracture. (15:46–16:36)
• Following the Jiu Jitsu accident, he details the hospital ordeal: Scared of the cost, Dominic tries to avoid treatment, only to realize he “had no leverage in any negotiation” with medical staff. (20:26)
• Surgery ensues. He faints during anesthetic injections, then wakes with a bizarre complication: He bit down hard on his tongue coming out of anesthesia, and staff are clearly nervous about the incident, with the anesthesiologist later calling him on his cell phone to check, “Hey, you talk to any lawyers?” (24:06)
• Ends reflecting on the emotional and financial toll, but with classic RISK! comedic spin.

Notable Quotes

• “I went, ‘I need to go to the hospital.’ And I think that’s all I said for like 30 minutes.” – Dominic Dierkes (14:50)
• “[Laughs] Your hospital’s a racket. I don’t know what to tell you.” – Dominic Dierkes, on surgery costs (22:32)
• “It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. That I also see every day.” – The anesthesiologist, on the tongue-biting incident (24:40)

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4. Story 3: A Perfect Night by Brad Lawrence

Timestamps: 29:33–39:36

Summary

• Brad sets the scene at the Lakeside Bar with friend Ben and girlfriend Julie during a magical New York blizzard, “giant, beautiful snowflakes...turn the city into pure silver magic.” (30:04)
• He reflects on the unique social ritual of bar life, the envy of dating the “hot bartender,” and the mix of camaraderie and rivalry among regulars. (31:30)
• Brad and Ben’s conversation about bar fights takes an unexpectedly physical turn when Ben pokes Brad’s chest: “And you just say, ‘Hey, buddy,’ and then you just swing…” The barstool slips, Brad crashes to the floor, breaking his finger. (34:11)
• At a crossroads—ruin the night by going to the ER or tough it out—Brad chooses ice and more drinks, enjoying “probably another three rounds” surrounded by friends and foe admirers. (36:12–37:34)
• The next morning, confronted with a swollen, discolored finger, Brad ultimately must seek medical attention, but never regrets savoring the “perfect night.” (38:27–39:36)

Notable Quotes

• “A bar is whatever you need a bar to be. It is your private reserve with your oldest friends, or a place to go meet new people…solace in failure, reward for victory.” – Brad Lawrence (31:30)
• “Even with the prospect that this eventually is going to be, you know, arthritic in my old age…looking back on it, I can’t say I regret it. Because it was just…a perfect night. You only get so many of those.” – Brad Lawrence (39:24)

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Notable Moments & Quotes

• On Identity & Embellishment:
  “There’s some people that are not as open…when I’m like, ‘Oh, you also have a missing finger,’ and they don’t want to talk about it. So I’ve always taken this as a reason to embrace yourself.” – Bill Worley (09:49)

• On Health Care in America:
  “The solution here is to just not spend any money at the hospital…I had no leverage in any negotiation. It’s like, oh, yeah? Well, what’s it to you if I walk around with my hand all fucked up for the rest of my life?” – Dominic Dierkes (20:26–21:05)

• On Bar Life:
  “If you are a bar person…bars will mean different things to you at different points in your life.” – Brad Lawrence (31:30)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Intro & Musical Riffs: 00:02–04:51
• Bill Worley, “Just the Tip”: 05:45–10:42
• Dominic Dierkes, “Pillow Fighter”: 14:15–26:17
• Brad Lawrence, “A Perfect Night”: 29:33–39:36
• Closing Remarks & Credits: 39:36–41:40

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Memorable Quotes with Speaker Attribution

• “It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. That I also see every day.”
  – Anonymous anesthesiologist (Dominic Dierkes relaying, 24:40)

• “Your hospital’s a racket.”
  – Dominic Dierkes (22:32)

• “A bar is whatever you need it to be. It is solace in failure, and it is a reward for victory.”
  – Brad Lawrence (31:30)

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Episode Tone & Listener Takeaways

The episode is classic RISK!: raw, real, riotous, and reflective. The stories blend humor and heart, finding the fragile humanity behind each accident and making the case for embracing imperfection—whether it’s a missing fingertip, a foolish ER strategy, or a broken finger on a perfect night.

Takeaway:
The show encourages us to “embrace yourself,” own your quirks and scars, and, in true RISK! style—tell the story loud, wild, and true.

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For more stories and to vote for your favorites, visit risk-show.com/bestofrisk
Support the podcast: Patreon (patreon.com/risk) or PayPal (paypal.me/RiskShow)

Transcript

[Brad Lawrence]

Hey there.

[John La Sala]

This is Fingertips from Risk. On this episode you'll hear Fingertips.

[Brad Lawrence]

I brought you out of anesthesia and you kind of like woke up and then you just bit down on your tongue and I had to put you back to sleep in order to get you to let go of your own tongue. It was craziest thing I've ever seen. That I also see every day.

[John La Sala]

That and more about fingers and about tongues. Two apparently. But first, it's time for that semi annual ritual at Risk where you you tell us about your favorite stories from the past six months and the winning stories will appear on the next Best of risk episode. This one will be number 30 freaking 3. Just go to risk-show.com bestofrisk and vote for your favorites.

[Brad Lawrence]

Still I cross my fingers.

[John La Sala]

Did you Mine O Mine.

[Brad Lawrence]

Mine. We'll be right back.

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[John La Sala]

So what are you working on?

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[John La Sala]

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time in the car, gym, even sleeping. So when they finally went on tour.

[Brad Lawrence]

Martha bundled her flight and hotel on.

[John La Sala]

Expedia to see them live. She saved so much she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them. Sort of. You were made to scream from the front row. We were made to quietly save you more Expedia made to travel Savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive. Packages are atoll protected. Now here's the show.

[Kevin Allison]

Fingertips, Fingertips, Fingertips.

[Brad Lawrence]

It's live. It's a feeling deep inside it's like a burning fire it's like a roller coaster ride Makes you wanna fly A natural hat. The beat, the beat. Come on, people, move your beat.

[Kevin Allison]

Woo.

[Brad Lawrence]

Wow. Your fingers shake your groove back down to the ground I wanna see you get down but your fingers shake your boot Head down to the ground well, let me see you get down.

[John La Sala]

Hey, hey, babies. I'm your sore thumb. John La Sala. And we've got Rose Royce popping the fingers and laying down the boogie back there. The show is Risk, where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. And I am here to welcome you to the Fingers episode.

[Brad Lawrence]

Got a boogie, I got a boogie Got a boogie on my finger and I can't shake it off.

[John La Sala]

Hey, I meant what I said up top about the best of risk 33. It's coming up quick, so please go tell me your Recent favorites at risk-show.com risk, best of risk. Now, a little later, about midway through this fist, we're going to hear from middle finger Dominic Durkus and ring finger Brad Lawrence. But first, we're going to flick things off with a finger from Bill Worley. You see, back in May of this year at our live show at Aisle 5 in Atlanta, Kevin Allison invited folks from the audience to come up on stage and tell a five minute story. Bill Worley answered that call. So here's one called Just the Tip.

[Kevin Allison]

What is going on? All right, let's see.

[Bill Worley]

The last name I have is Bill Worley.

[John La Sala]

Oh my God.

[Kevin Allison]

Bill brought a fan club.

[Bill Worley]

When I got the cue Breaking Point, I thought about the only time that I've ever broken a bone, which is just the tip of my finger. It's such a little thing that it's hard to see, but. Or not.

[Brad Lawrence]

Or not.

[Bill Worley]

But it's one of my favorite things about myself. I've always been an extrovert and it's a way for me to break the ice. I can say fuck you with this finger. I can say I'm kind of mad, slightly upset. But of course, when I pull it out the finger, people want to know, how did it happen? It's kind of a crazy story. So when I was in college in 2001, I was a freshman in college and I don't know, has anyone here ever been to Lenny's Bar? Does anyone remember maybe it's a long time ago. It was A dive bar that my brother Bean was the manager of. And it was just a real shit bar where some really cool bands played. Childish Gambino played there way back in the day. The first time I ever went there to see my brother, which is when this happened, there was a band called Deer Hunter. And Bradford, who's the lead singer, tall person, was naked and wrapped himself in toilet paper and lit the toilet paper on fire and was punching the ceiling. The ceiling was so low that it was like falling out. And it was a crazy place. And my brother had to kick Bradford out. They're still friends, but that night they were not. It got to be around 3am and there was a drunk kind of redneck guy, my brother, because this was a tiny bar about a third the size of this place. He also kind of had to serve as the bouncer. So he was trying to get this guy out of the bar. And the guy was a little bit unruly. And my brother's facing the other way. And the guy pulled a knife out of his pocket. Like a little Swiss army knife, right? The ones on a keychain, so not like an actual big one. And I saw it. I didn't want to stab my brother, so I grabbed it. We fell down. The knife went through my finger. I was trying to get away from him. Not trying to hurt the guy, just trying to get the knife away. And it went like this and went through his eye. So I ended up without a finger. He ended up without an eye. But like I said, this has been a great thing that I actually really like. It's a part of me that I really love. And so it's a way for me to kind of perform and break the ice. And so throughout my life, people have told me to embellish the story and make a better and better story. And so that story is one that, for example, my ex wife, who I knew for 10 years, thought was the true story for three years, because she had heard me tell that same story over and over again. I'm an actor and I'm a director, so I love to do that. So that is not the real story. But I'll tell you one other story, and maybe it's true, maybe it's not. It's true, and you'll see why It's a little bit cloudy at the end. So that's not the true story. The true story is I really was two and a half years old. That's true. And I was. Yes, I was climbing on top of a television set. So, you know, Those commercials where they're like, please secure your television set to the wall. They're not kidding. I climbed up on a tv, it was an old tube tv and it fell over on top of my finger and cut my finger off. My mom, of course, being a mom was. She was in another room, she freaked out. She put the tip of my finger in a jar of ice. And instead of driving to the hospital that was around the corner, she drove to the hospital 45 minutes away, where my dad was a chaplain because she thought that he could get me to the front of the line. Of course, unfortunately, by that point it was too late to put the finger back on. My mom, the wonderful person that she is, was like, take my pinky, put it on the top of my son's finger, please. And I'm like, I am so. I'm so glad that I don't have a 70 year old woman's pinky sewn onto the top of my finger. But long story short, I've met a lot of people through this. I love it. And there's some people that are not as open about, I gotta be careful because when I'm like, oh, you also have a missing finger or something and they don't want to talk about it. So I've always taken this as a reason to embrace yourself. And if you have something cool that happened, just make up a story.

[Brad Lawrence]

One little finger. One little finger. One little finger. Tap, tap, tap. Point your finger up. Point your finger down. Put it on your. One little finger. One little finger. One little finger. One, two, three. Point your finger up. Point your finger down. Put it on your.

[Kevin Allison]

Now that's a little bit better, right?

[Brad Lawrence]

We'll be right back.

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[Bill Worley]

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[Kevin Allison]

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[Brad Lawrence]

Every minute you don't tell us why.

[Bill Worley]

You'Re here, I cut off a finger.

[Kevin Allison]

Mine or yours?

[Brad Lawrence]

Yours. Damn.

[John La Sala]

Hey, it's John again. And here's Dominic Durkus.

[Brad Lawrence]

So my story is about right after I graduated college. I just didn't know what to do. I knew I wanted to be a comedian, but I was like, I don't know how to function in the world. And I was just kind of consuming myself with that post graduation anxiety. So I decided to take up a hobby. Now, the hobby I decided to take up was Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I don't know if you know what that is. It's like wrestling. It's a martial art that's like wrestling, and it involves joint locks and blood chokes because you try to submit your opponent. That's what I chose as my hobby. And at the time, I did not have health insurance. So, yeah, I'm just like a genius. I'm just the smartest guy. So I. And I do this for like a year and a half. A couple of my friends, this guy Chris Gethard in New York, started grappling and so I did as well. And we were, you know, I got my blue belt and I would train at a couple different schools. And then one day I was training and I rolled over and I, like, you know, reached my hand out to catch myself and I broke my left ring finger so that it was at a 45 degree angle to the rest of my finger. Like the bottom part of my finger. So the top part is just at this angle. And you don't. The pain is not what I felt. Like my immediate thing was I, like kind of got up and I'm like, why can't I make a fist? And then I just looked at it and then, you know, people were like, oh, man, I just went, I need to go to the hospital. And I think that's all I said for like 30 minutes. So that's all that registered in my head. So I'm in this gym and the type of people who train in Brazilian Jiu jitsu for the most part are semi professional professional fighters or improvisers who just decide that's what they want to do. So these guys are all like, oh, that looks gnarly, man. I'm like crying. Just like weep. And they're like, oh, no, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. That happened to me. And I'm like, well, it doesn't happen to me. I'm not a part of your fighting world. You know, I was just very bratty. And so the guy who I was grappling with felt really, really bad. It wasn't his fault at all. It wasn't like he took my finger and went, you know. But the only other broken bone I had had was a spiral fracture of my right ring finger, which is happened in a pillow fight in college. I swear. That's what. And, you know, it wasn't like a girly pillow fight. It was like, guys, you know, we shoved all the pillow down to one side, and we're really. It was this manly pillow fight. And it was also the. It's not like I got. You know, I didn't get fucked up in a pillow fight. I was. The fight was over, and then this guy hit me in the hand, and I was like, all right, if that's how you want a pillow fight. I thought. I thought there was such a thing as honor. And that's an embarrassing injury to have, by the way, because when you have an injury like that, you have, like, a splint on your hand for a month, and people go like, how'd that happen? You go, pillow fight, and then they giggle. And so I would tell people that. And so then by the time I went to the doctor, I decided to lie about it because I was just too embarrassed. Like, he asked me. Like, I decided it was medically irrelevant how it happened, that it just mattered that he knew my finger was broken. Right. I'm the one who'll tell the medical doctor what's medically relevant to my health. So he came in and he said, so what happened? And I said, well, I was playing basketball, and I went up for a shot, and then, like, this guy hit me, and my finger kind of hit the rim a little bit, and he goes, okay. And he showed me an X ray of how my finger was, and he kind of, like, pointed. He's like, basically the angle at which I would have had to do that. I would have had to be, like, a foot above the rim. I would have had to be. I was, like, dunking down with my, like, right hand. And so I just had to, like, double down, like. Yeah, Yeah, I dunk a lot. Yeah, that's about right. Yeah. You sit up here, right? Yeah, that feels right. I remember it probably says. You got my medical chart right there. It probably says I can dunk. If not, just go and write it in. Can dunk so this doesn't come up again. And so that was just a splint, and then it healed, and it was fine. But this was different. The finger was at an angle. So I'm in a cab. I'm going to. This is in New York City. I'm going to a hospital in Brooklyn with this guy who broke my finger. That was kind of a weird thing of, like, the man who broke my finger is just, like, a score. It was like this weird, like, nobility. It was.

[Bill Worley]

Whatever.

[Brad Lawrence]

So then we got to the hospital, and he's giving me advice. All right, so he's been to the emergency room. Before for broken bones. And he says, they're going to ask you how much it hurts on a scale of 1 to 10. And you need to say 10, otherwise they'll make you wait forever. And I was like, huh, that seems like an abusive something. Seems like maybe I shouldn't try to circumvent the process that makes sure that the sickest people get seen first. And so I walked up to the counter, and she said, how much does it hurt on a scale of 1 to 10? And then I said 7, which I thought was fair because, like, my finger was fucked up, like, visibly a problem, but it's not like I was dying. I could chill out for an hour. So then I went and sat down. They started to feel like kind of a sucker because I looked around at all these people and I'm like, man, their fingers, are they probably all, you know, just judging what people might have and just like, I should have said 10. And then some guy comes in and he has a rash on one half of his face, and he just goes, I don't know what this is. And she goes, right this way. So I was like, okay, that's a 10. So then I'm sitting there, and as I'm sitting there, I'm not in shock anymore. Like, my hand starts throbbing. My finger is really swollen, and I just start to really feel it. Like, this is the kind of eek moment I'm so scared because I'm like, I can't pay for anything. I don't have health insurance. I don't have any money. Really. I can't. What am I going to do? And then I'm just like, I'm the stupidest person. I was. Why was I grappling for a year and a half? Of course this happened. How did this not happen? Like, a month into it, somebody's gonna break my. So I'm just really freaking out. So then I decide, like, okay, I don't have the money. The solution here is to just not spend any money at the hospital. That's what I just decided. I was like, I'm gonna avoid transactions. These doctors are gonna try to give me medicine for this. Yeah, right. Nice try, doctor. I think I'll take the less expensive route. So I'm just at the hospital. I'm gonna avoid transactions. I go in. Finally I get called in. The doctor goes, so we're gonna X ray your hand and get a look at what we've got, and then we'll go from there. And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[John La Sala]

Okay, okay.

[Brad Lawrence]

Is that gonna Cost me money. And he goes, yeah, for sure. Yeah, it costs. Yeah, it costs money. And I said, well, what if we don't get the X ray? And he's like, I will have no idea what's wrong with your hand, and I won't be able to fix it. All right, fair play to you. Let's get that X ray, buddy. I realized I had no leverage whatsoever in any negotiation. It's just like, nothing. It's like, oh, yeah? Well, what's it to you if I walk around with my hand all fucked up for the rest of my life? Means nothing to me. All right, good. I will get that X ray then. So I went in, got the X ray. Even the X ray technician was like, oh, man, this is better. He goes, oh, man, your hands. And he's like, showing it to me. And I'm like, dude, don't do that. I don't think you're supposed to do that. And so then I go out, the doctor comes out with the X ray, and he goes, yeah, so your finger is broken. It's a compound, like, spiral fracture or something. And then it's, like, twisted. He's like, so you're gonna need hand surgery. You're gonna need hand surgery. And I went, oh, my God. Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Is that gonna cost me money? And he was like, yes. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know if I need that. And he's like, we got. Can't do it tonight. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you have to go see a hand specialist, and he's gonna have to do surgery. So I was like, okay, all right. And then he goes, so. And then I'm gonna have to do a shot into your finger. And the way he described it was the shot kind of goes at the base of my finger here and then turns the corner and then goes up into my finger to numb it. And I told him, I'm going to faint, because that was a true thing. I have to. I faint when I get shots often. And that sounded like the gnarliest shot I'd ever heard of. I was absolutely going to faint. So he goes, okay. And I was like, all right. That's all he had to say about it. Okay. I thought maybe there's something more medical that we can. Nope. Just. All right. And so I sit down, he gives me the shot. I start to tunnel vision. I look at him, and I say, I'm gonna faint now. I'm gonna put my head between My legs. Because I think that's what you're supposed to do when you faint. And he shrugs and goes, okay, shrugged. I remember he shrugged. Because as I'm passing out, I was just like, you're a doctor. Like, that's the last thought I have. And then I'm just passed out. Wake up, basically, my hand's in a splint. I go, it's like 4 in the morning. I go to bed. I wake up the next morning, go to this hand specialist because I don't have insurance. I get to find out exactly how much this is. Like, I like how things are itemized because I'm just foot. Like, I just have to put it all on credit cards and like beg my parents for. Which is just terrible. Like, so I need like 500 bucks because I was grappling for no reason. So I kind of get this money. And so I find out that they charge you for like the operating room. They rent it like by the hour. Like it's a Chuck E. Cheese. Like, it's like. It's like 1500 bucks for the hour. And that's what I found out. And she said, it's fifteen hundred dollars for the hour. Your surgery will take about a half hour. And I said, oh, okay. So it's like 750 bucks. And they said, no, we don't rent the room for the half hour. We only rent the room by the hour, which is a fucking racket. And that's actually what I said to her. I said, your hospital's a racket. I don't know what to tell you, but she was like. She was like, yeah, I don't know what to tell you. There's nothing I can do. And I'm like, no, we're gonna do something. I have that room for an extra half hour. We're gonna figure out another surgery. We're gonna fuck around. We're gonna watch an episode of Seinfeld. We're gonna do something in that room. Cause this is same thing for the anesthesiologist. They. We get them for the whole hour, even though it's only a half hour procedure. And I'm like, well, let's mess around with some chemicals then. Let's see what puts me to sleep and what doesn't. We can learn something. So I go in, I get this surgery, which is terrifying. It's just very scary and alienating because people just suddenly, like, once you're laying down, people just start talking about you, but not to you anymore. You're just like. And so you know, the anesthesiologist puts the needle in my arm. I hate needles. So I'm like, this is fine if I faint, because I'm supposed to go to sleep anyway. And then I wake up from the surgery. My hand is, you know, kind of aching, but my tongue hurts really badly. And I don't know. I'm like, oh. When I go to talk. And apparently I bit down on my tongue real hard when they tried to take me out of anesthesia. And everyone at the hospital couldn't wait to tell me how normal that was. Everyone was just coming. The nurse was like, hey. And I'm like, hey, oh, why is my tongue. And she's like, oh, it's just. You were coming out of anesthesia. It's really normal. It happens all the time. Like, don't sue anybody. But, you know. And then the doctor comes in, and they're all like, oh, how's that tongue doing? That was pretty normal. What happened there? Everyone's, like, sweating a little bit. Hey, buddy, they bought me stuff like a lollipop, so. And then the anesthesiologist comes in, and he's the most nervous of all, and he's like, hey, what's up, man? You're doing all right, right? And I was like, yeah, I'm fine. He's like, okay, cool. Cool. Cause it was crazy but normal at the same time. Cause I brought you out of anesthesia, and you kind of, like, woke up, and then you just bit down on your tongue, and I had to put you back to sleep in order to get you to let go of your own tongue. It was craziest thing I've ever seen. That I also see every day. So then I was like, okay, and I'm not gonna sue anybody over my tongue. I was just like, okay, fine. Yeah. All right. So then. But I also was like, I don't think this is normal. I don't think that it's true that, like, one out of every three coming out of surgery, somebody just bites down on their tongue. That just doesn't seem. And I knew it wasn't right. And then I found out for sure it wasn't right. The next day when the anesthesiologist called me on my cell phone from his cell phone, which is, I don't think ever supposed to happen. He just called me like, hey, man, how's that tongue, buddy? Hey, you talk to any lawyers? And that's the most scared I've ever been in my life. Thanks a lot. Take my fingers. What do fingers really mean? To me.

[Bill Worley]

Well, you can easily look them up in the dictionary.

[Brad Lawrence]

We call them digits. Technically they're known as the phalanges.

[John La Sala]

Hey, this is Risk. And that's the notorious Crash Test Dummies that have sneaked back into an episode without Kevin noticing, singing about digits technically known as the phalanges. And we've just heard from Dominic Durkus with a story he told in 2012 called Pillow Fighter, which has technically been on Risk before, but hidden behind the paywall since 2015. But now it's free. You can find Dominic on Instagram omnicdurkes D I E R K E S Dirkis but that first story we heard, just the tip, was from Bill Worley. You know, my grandfather, a master carpenter and professional shipwright, was also missing a part of his finger. He did not lose it to a falling tv. He sawed it off in a woodshop accident. And that's actually all I know about that story. But you can find Bill Worley W O R L E Y Worley at worleybirdpictures on Instagram, or check out his comedy video production company, Cool Cool cool [e-mail] or just listen for him on the NPR podcast. What's good, Atlanta? Hey, do you have any idea how much fingerlifting goes into making Risk run? I promise you, it's a lot more than you think. This isn't one of your two dudes in a mic podcast. The amount of work that goes into developing each story, the years in the making that some stories take to finally bring them to your ears, it's a lot. And the sheer number of talented and ridiculously dedicated people working their fingers to the bone to bring it all together, it's a lot. And it's expensive. We're often hanging on by our fingertips. So please pitch in. However, you can join the Risk family. Okay, that makes it sound like a cult. I assure you it's not. Anyway, the easiest way to help is to join Our [e-mail] risk where there are loads of perks and ad free episodes or archived videos of our live shows. Or if you prefer, maybe give occasional alms at PayPal. Me RiskShow. Now back to the matter at hand. Finger.

[Brad Lawrence]

Fingers.

[John La Sala]

And that brings me to Brad Lawrence. When I had the inkling of an idea to put this episode together on the theme of fingers, I asked story coach Brad Lawrence if he happened to have an untold story about fingers. Lo and behold, he did. And this is what he told us.

[Brad Lawrence]

Sam.

[Kevin Allison]

It was 2003. I was at the Lakeside Bar with my friend Ben. And the Lakeside Bar had many, many things to recommend it. But one of the major things that recommended it to me personally was that I was dating the bartender, whose name was Julie. And Julie was kind of the hot bartender in the neighborhood at that time. And I drank for free, getting free drinks from my hot bartender girlfriend. What could be better? Well, this night was a special night because on this night, a blizzard hit the city. I always think of this night as it was just the three of us. It was just me and Ben and Julie. And we're sitting in this bar and the Lakeside Bar. It was a very dark bar with these great big picture windows along one side, parallel to the bar. So we're sitting on the. These barstools. Ben and I were leaned against the barstools staring at the picture windows as these giant, beautiful snowflakes come drifting in out of this dark, starless sky and begin to coat New York in one of those fresh, pristine snows. All snows in New York eventually turn horrible and gray and sludgy. But at first, there's always that first night when the snowflakes come down and they just turn the city into pure silver magic. And it's just the three of us. I always think of it as just the three of us, just me and Ben and Julie. And that's, of course, impossible because for one thing, I remember distinctly that Julie was not there talking to just Ben and I the entire time. So she must have had other things distracting her, which means she must have had other customers. And also, Julie was the hot bartender at the time. And she had this following of dudes who came to sit at her bar and stare at her and dream about dating her. And I was the guy who was dating her. And so they all these guys, all these regularists were there. Rain or shine, no matter what happened, blizzard, they were going to be there. They all hated me. So I was probably in this bar with this me and Ben and Julie and like six, maybe eight, maybe 10 guys who really despised me. But it was fine. And like I said, Lakeside was a great bar. I had a friend whose cardiologist recently tried to get him to cut down on the drinking. And the cardiologist was like, I don't understand why you like hanging out in bars in the first place. My friend told me this and was like, how do you explain bars? How do you explain bar life to someone who does not go to bars? It's just impossible. And what I finally came up with, sort of riffing off of. I had a teacher of mine one time say, the trouble with giving up smoking is that a cigarette is whatever you need it to be. It is solace and failure, and it is a reward for victory. A bar is very much that. A bar is whatever you need a bar to be. It is your private reserve with your oldest friends or a place to go meet new people. It is a place you go to drown your sorrows or a place you go to celebrate your triumphs. It is a place of excitement or a place to have a quiet time to yourself. It is whatever you need it to be in that moment. If you are a bar person, if you're someone who takes to bar life, bars will mean different things to you at different points in your life. And the thing about Lakeside was that Lakeside was the kind of bar you graduate to after you've given up on trendy bars. When you've gotten too old for whatever the New York Times style section is saying is the bar of the week. You end up going to Lakeside because Lakeside is a bar for adults. You know, everyone else who leaves their trendy bar hopping days behind, they go off and get married and have kids and move to the suburbs. But if you're staying in Brooklyn, you're ending up at the Lakeside. And so that's how I ended up at the Lakeside, with Ben and a dozen guys who hated me and the hottest bartender in town who I was dating. I want to emphasize that again. But who I was dating, unless you've been the guy who's dating the hot bartender, you have no idea. It's such a great feeling, just basking in everyone else's envy and resentment. And probably because I was sitting there basking in so much envy and resentment. That's probably how Ben and I got onto the subject of bar fights. I should say, before we get started on any of this, neither Ben nor I had ever been in a bar fight. Neither of us wanted to get into a bar fight. Like, this was a fantasy conversation. This is the same thing as saying, if you have any superpower, what superpower would you have? Or what would you do with a million dollars? It was a. For Ben and I, talking about getting into a bar fight was the same level of fantasy. And so Ben says to me, well, like, how would you start a bar fight? And I say, like, the goal is to start a bar fight. And he's like, yeah, if you were going to start a bar fight. And I was like, so I'm not trying to prove a point. I'M not trying to get anything aside from get a bar fight started, right? And he's like, right? And I'm like, well, I guess I just walk up and punch somebody. Just, like, turn him around, punch him in the face. And then, you know, boom, bar fight started, I assume. And Ben says, so let me get this straight. You just walk up to somebody and you just turn around, and at this point, Ben puts his finger into the center of my chest and kind of pushes a little bit. And he's like. And you just say, hey, buddy. And then you just swing. And as he's doing this or pushing me with his index finger, I can feel the bar stool I'm sitting on start to slide out from under me. Just at the moment I'm thinking, is Ben pushing me off the stool? Ben is thinking, is Brad falling off that stool? And then I'm on the floor. I'm on the floor on my back, and I can tell something's wrong because my hand hurts so much. I have clearly broken my finger. I roll over on my back, and I am clutching my hand to my chest, and I am staring up at the darkened ceiling of the Lakeside bar. I am just sort of letting the pain wash over me in these waves. And Ben staring down at me from his bar stool. And then Julie appears, and she's looking over the bar at me on the floor, and I have not moved yet.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And she says, sweetheart, are you okay?

[Kevin Allison]

And in this second, as I'm sort of sitting there clutching my hand to my chest on the floor of what is my favorite bar, staring up at one of my closest friends and my girlfriend, I have this moment where I have a decision to make. I can see how this evening is going to end at this point. I can see that this is going to be this perfect, beautiful, snowy evening is going to end with me sitting, trying to sober up in a sterile New York City emergency room, waiting for someone to come splint my finger, right? That's how this perfect New York bar evening with this beautiful snowstorm coming in outside, that's how this can end. And I just. I can't. I can't do it. It's too good a night. I'm here with Ben. I'm here with Julie. I'm here with good people. And when I say that, I even mean the guys who hate me because they're here on this snowy night in this bar in Brooklyn when no one else would come out. They're here because they're in love with Julie. And you know what? Julie's worth being in love with. So how bad can they be? And this perfect night with all of these good people can come to an end, but I can't. And so I haul myself up off the floor, I lean over the bar and I look at Julie and I mustering up as much steadiness in my voice as I possibly can, I say, sweetheart, can I have a bar towel full of ice? And she says, okay. And she gets a bar towel full of ice and I put my hand down flat on the bar and I put the bar towel full of ice on top of my hand, pushing my finger down flat against the bar and I order another round. And we stayed for probably another three rounds and finished out our perfect New York snowy night in this beautiful Brooklyn bar. The next morning I woke up enjoy the apartment. And I went into her bathroom and I looked at my hand and oh God, it looked so terrible. My finger was all swollen up, it was purple. Every time my heart would beat, it would send this throb throughout my entire body. To this day it is still the knuckles too big and it hurts when the weather changes or when I bend it too quickly. I can't wear a ring in that finger. I can't get it over that knuckle. And I did then have to go and get the finger splinted. But even with all of that, even with the prospect that this eventually is going to be, you know, arthritic in my old age, even with all of that looking back on it, I can't say I regret it. Because it was just. It was a perfect night. You only get so many of those.

[John La Sala]

It's funny. In many ways, this story reminds me of the classic Risk story from Kate Bull called Snow Globe. Both stories take place in a Brooklyn bar on a magical snowy night. We call this story A Perfect Night. But really, either one of those stories could be called A Perfect night. Except Brad's features at least one more broken finger than I recall being in Snow Globe. Anyhow, you may recall that Brad told a much bigger, much higher stakes story on Risk about a month or so ago called the Big Secret. If you missed that one, do yourself a favor, hunt it down and check it out. It's incredible. You can find Brad on Instagram or TikTok radlaw77 and you should check out his blog newsletter. I can't quite put my finger on what to call it, but it's titled Go with Brad Lawrence and you can find find it at Go with Brad Lawrence.GhostIO Lastly, I want to thank Mr. Taj Easton, whose grubby fingerprints are all over this episode. Not only did he edit all of these stories, but he also did that bang up job with the sound design on that last one. Beautiful. Now, that's just about it for the Fingers episode. But come back on Thursday where we'll be listening to some of the best school stories from the Risk archives. And then on Tuesday, an amazing story from Chelsea Dawsey in conversation with Kevin Allison. But that's another day. And today, well, today's the day. Fingers, fingers crossed. Take a risk.

[Brad Lawrence]

You know, it's a je. Got me wrapped around your finger? Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to, do you have to, do you have to, to do you have to? Do you have to pull my finger? Fingertips.