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- [00:00]
Kevin Allison
Hey folks, this is Kevin. On this week's episode of Risk, you'll hear Yossi Rosenberg I said, I notice.
- [00:07]
Yossi Rosenberg
That on the top right quadrant of your pussy lips there are four white hairs.
- [00:19]
Kevin Allison
That and more. But first, June 7th is when risk finally returns to Washington, DC. That's June 7th at the Miracle Theater in DC and the story we're working on for that show are phenomenal. Then on June 19, risk is at fringe Arts in Philly. You gotta come out Philly. That's June 19th at Fringe Arts. Seriously stunning stories we're working on for both of these shows. And as always, Tickets are at risk-show.com live.
- [00:54]
Yossi Rosenberg
We'll be right back.
- [00:56]
Zoe Raju
This episode is brought to you by Hayday. Feeling stressed? Take a moment for yourself with Heyday. Stroll through rows of golden wheat tentations, cute Barnard animals and discover the joys of a digital farm retreat. You don't have to hop in a car or catch a plane. Escape to the farm at the tap of a finger. With Hay Day, you're not just tending to a farm, you're tending to yourself. Hay Day Search Hay Day that's h a y space D a y in your favorite app store. Hay Day is a free to play mobile game and offers optional in app purchases and random rewards.
- [01:27]
Alex Plotkin
This Memorial Day, turn up the heat with the Home Depot. Find the perfect grill and patio set to keep the cookouts coming all season long. Grill up a feast with the next grill four burner gas grill only $229 and complete your space with the stylish Glen Ridge Falls seven piece dining set now on special buy for just $499 with free delivery. Take your Memorial Day cookout to the next level all summer long with the Home Depot. See homedepot.com delivery for more details.
- [01:59]
Kaley Cuoco
This episode is brought to you by Temptations Cat Treats.
- [02:02]
Zoe Raju
Your cat will come running for the.
- [02:04]
Kaley Cuoco
Perfectly irresistible Temptations Creamy puree and temp Temptations Lickable Spoon Cat Treats the best.
- [02:11]
Zoe Raju
Time to feed Lickable Cat Treats to.
- [02:13]
Kaley Cuoco
Your cat is anytime. Feed by hand for a playful moment.
- [02:16]
Dee
In a bowl for a creamy treat.
- [02:18]
Kaley Cuoco
Or as a topper to make mealtime fun. Visit temptationstreats.com to learn more.
- [02:27]
Zoe Raju
Summer is coming right to your door with Target Circle360. Get all the season. Go to's at home with same day delivery snacks for the pool party delivered sun lotion and towels for a beach day delivered pillows and lights to deck out the deck. That too delivered just when you want them summer your way quick and easy. Join now and get all the summer fun delivered right to your home with target circle 360, membership required, subject to terms and conditions, applies to orders over $35.
- [02:58]
Kevin Allison
Now here's the.
- [03:12]
David Robert Jones
SAM.
- [03:39]
Kevin Allison
Hello folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison and this is Zoe Raju behind me now. And we're calling this week's episode trial remedies. Well, I'll tell you, I just got back from Atlanta where we had a phenomenal show. A lot of laughs and tears and great stories shared by audience members too. So listen, Washington, D.C. folks, you should come on out on June 7th. The theme that night is what I needed slash what I got. That's right, the theme that night has a slash. And DC folks, if you've got a five minute story that comes to mind from that theme, what I Needed slash what I got, come on out. And then on June 19, Philly, the theme will be Set Me free, appropriately enough, because that is also Juneteenth. Anyway, tickets are at risk-show.com live. Now in a little bit we're going to hear from Yossi Rosenberg, but before that, a story from Alex Plotkin, who was a pleasure to work with. I'll say more about Alex after the break.
- [05:00]
David Robert Jones
But.
- [05:00]
Kevin Allison
But here she is now with a story we call Miracle Cure.
- [05:21]
Dee
My husband and I are stuck at home with COVID desperately waiting for the phone to ring with news about Molly. It's late 2021, so it's not the kind of life threatening, scary type of COVID Covid's been around for a while, but it is bad enough that we do feel quite unwell and lockdown rules and quarantine is still a thing, so we're not allowed to leave the house at all. So we're basically stuck there with absolutely nothing to do but speculate and wonder about what might be wrong with Molly. We're googling stuff, going around in circles, trying to eliminate certain things like guess what might be wrong. And it's like the house is thick with tension as we're just waiting for an answer. Molly had had to spend the night in hospital to have an emergency chest operation to remove some fluid from her lungs. And the fluid was causing her to have difficulty breathing. And we had absolutely no idea what might be causing it. It had come on really suddenly, but deep down I just had a sinking feeling that it was bad news. So Molly is a one year old fluffy black cat, really, really sweet and we adopted her along with her brother Cole. Earlier that year in the summer, their personalities just came through so quickly. We hadn't had them very long, but they became part of the family almost straight away and settled in really, really quickly. Cole was the playful cat, so, like, really, really curious about everything, wanted to explore everything and go outside and play all the time. And Molly was the really cute, sweet one. So she would purr and, like, lift her chin, wanting to be tickled, and was just. She didn't even have a proper meow. She would just sort of squeak. It sounded a bit, like, really cute. And they acted like proper siblings. So sometimes they play together, sometimes they'd squabble. But they were adorable. We absolutely adored them. So I'm perched on the edge of a stool, phone in hand, and although I'm kind of heavy and tired from the COVID there is a sort of lightness in my chest, like a fluttering, and my heart is just going really, really fast, and my breathing is shallow because I'm so anxious to know what is going on. And eventually, the vet calls with some news. She explains that they have managed to drain the fluid from Molly's lungs, and she is breathing a lot better. But after examining the fluid a bit more closely, they strongly suspect she has a virus called feline infectious peritonitis, or FIP for short. And when I hear those words, it's like being hit by a tidal wave and I'm submerged underwater because this is the news I've been dreading. So the vet starts talking to me and explaining what FIP means. And although I'm, like, hearing the words on the other end of the phone, I'm not really listening or taking them in because I already know what this means. It's fatal, and there is no cure for fip. So she's explaining this, and I'm not crying. I'm not getting hysterical. I'm just sitting there calmly nodding, saying, okay, yep. And it's like an awful, sad calm just fills the room because it's just like I'm preparing to say goodbye. And then the vet says something I wasn't expecting. She says if I do some more research into fip, I might come across a Facebook group claiming to have a experimental antiviral drug which is only available via the black market in Hong Kong. She says she can't really recommend this treatment because it hasn't gone through the necessary tests. It's not approved for veterinary use, so it can't be recommended. But she does tell me that some other people have chosen to go down that route with their Cats. And some of them say they have had quite good results. So. Yeah. So at that point, I'm thinking, is this a warning or is it a lifeline? Like, on the one hand, everything about it sounds really suspect. Like, Facebook, black market, it's not approved. All of that stuff just sounds so dodgy and, like, a warning, like, do not do this. But on the other hand, there's a question mark there. I'm thinking, why is she telling me this? Could this be the thing that could save Molly's life? So I never really grew up with pets. My parents were allergic, so I wasn't really allowed, like, dogs or cats or anything. I was only allowed small animals, like, things that could be contained, like a fish or hamsters, things like that. And with these smaller animals, it was always a bit like they didn't want to be pets, you know, like they didn't want to be played with. They didn't want me coming up to them. Like, ideally, they would escape and live their lives. So when we adopted Molly and Cole, it was completely different. And they were my first real pets. They actually wanted to follow us around. They wanted to be in the house voluntarily. They didn't need to be contained. It was so sweet, because when we'd leave a room, they would follow us into the next room and just want to be where we were. They actually look to us for comfort, playtime, affection. And with cats, I just realized really quickly that they're communicating with us all the time. Like, when they looked at me with their eyes, like, looked up at me, it was like they were trying to tell me something, communicate even their sounds as well. I started to learn their different sounds for different things. Like, when they wanted playtime, it sounded different to when they wanted to be fed or to be cuddled. So it was like we had this secret language between us, and it was a completely different relationship with them. So just the thought of losing Molly, even though she hadn't been with us that long, it would be like losing a family member or a friend, you know? So that night, I joined the Facebook group, and within minutes, I am chatting to an admin called Dee. And Dee is asking me all of these questions on Facebook Messenger. What age is Molly? What type of FIP does she have? Is it wet or dry? Has she been to the hospital? Has she had it removed? What is her weight? What is her age? And it just feels very impersonal. Like, I don't know this person. I don't even know their full name. At the same time, she's almost Putting a bit of pressure on me as well. Like, you need to act fast, otherwise this is going to come back. This can't be cured. If you don't act now, she's going to get worse. So it's almost like I'm being sold something. In the back of my mind, I am so skeptical about this. Like, everything I've heard about talking to strangers on Facebook just. It ends in a scam, right? I'm just waiting to be given a link to put in my PayPal details, my bank details or something like that. And I'm just thinking, no. Like, the sensible person inside of me is saying, what are you doing? This is someone you do not know on Facebook. But the other part of me is thinking about Molly and how much she's part of our family. And when we adopted them, we went into this thinking, these cats are going to grow old with us. They're going to be part of our lives for so long. I just can't bear the thought of not seeing her develop and grow and being part of that family and leaving Cole without a sibling. And I can't even go there. I don't even want to imagine it. So this Facebook group and this conversation with Dee is the only hope I have that that might not happen and that I could get this time back. So before I know it, I'm answering all of Dee's questions, giving her everything she wants. And the next day, I have delivered to my door syringes, vials, needles, everything I need to treat this cat with this experimental drug, all given to me from someone I don't even know from Facebook. They explained to me that there is a payment, but. And that I have to go online and purchase, but that if I want to get started straight away, they can send it to me and I can pay afterwards. So they're willing to let me try this. And they say, look, if you have got any doubt in your mind, just give it a go and you can send us the money later on. So it's all there at my door, and she explains to me how it's going to work. So she says, for this treatment to have any chance of working, you need to inject Molly every single day with a very precise dose that is measured according to her body weight. It needs to be done at the same time every single day for three months. And every month, you need to get her blood tested to see how she's responding to the treatment. So even that is completely terrifying, right? Like, I've never injected a cat. I've never Injected, anything. I don't know how to administer treatment, and it just feels really technical. Like, even if this drug is completely safe, I am not an expert. I have no training in this. And an injection just feels so risky. Like, what if I do it wrong? And it's just so daunting to me. So before I can administer the first injection, Dee asks to see a photo of Molly's eyes and a video of her walking. And that's because she wants to check to see if the virus is starting to affect her vision or her neurological symptoms or her mobility in any way, or her balance. So I send her these things, and she comes back to me and says, okay, they all look perfect. And then she says, P.S. molly is absolutely adorable. What a total cutie pie. I am in love. I know. And then she says, I have a soft spot for black cats myself. I've got two of my own, and I actually treated them in the exact same. Same way. They're both FIP survivors, and they're living their best lives right now, completely cured. So then I think, okay, maybe Dee is just a crazy cat lady just like me. And I think, okay, maybe this is someone that I can put a bit of trust in. So the first injection comes, and as I'm preparing to do this, my hands are totally shaking. Like, I'm terrified of getting the dose wrong, preparing the syringe wrong. The whole thing is just. I'm trembling. I don't want to do it, but at the same time, I know I have to do it. So my husband decides he's going to be the one to hold her, and I'll be the injector. But I'm looking around on Molly, trying to find a bit of skin to inject into, and she's so thin and she's lost so much weight that I can't even find a place to inject. It takes me a while to just pinch a bit of skin, but eventually I do. I take a pinch of her skin, and as my thumb presses down into the syringe, she lets out the most heartbreaking, piercing cry. I'll never forget that sound. As soon as it's done, she bolts, runs away, hides under the sofa, and I just drop the syringe and collapse into tears. It's like I've betrayed her, and I just can't shake the feeling that I've done her some harm and I've hurt her, and it's absolutely awful. But Dee, at the other end of the Facebook messenger, says, don't worry. You've done the right thing. As long as it got in her, that is good. She's gonna be moody for a bit. Just try and make sure that she eats something. And just the thought of doing this for three months after that, I'm like, how am I gonna get through all of this? This was so much like. It took so much of my emotional energy just to bring myself to inject Molly. Her skin could barely be injected. How are we going to get through three whole months of this? But my husband and I say, okay, well, let's just give it one month, see what the blood tests show after that, see if there's any progress, and we'll just take it from there. So pretty soon we find ourselves going online and ordering this drug, which we just know as Lucky Skincare for Cats. It has to be named something like this so that it doesn't sound like anything that shouldn't be being sold. And it arrives in these sparkly, brightly colored envelopes that are completely decorated with mad cat stickers, pictures of paw prints and sweet little messages. And at the same time they're also marked urgent. Urgent must be delivered today. What must the postman have been thinking when he dropped off these crazy looking packages every week or so? So that sort of becomes our routine every single day. We get up at 6am before work and we prepare for battle. And it's not long before Molly understands what's going on. She sees me preparing the injection, getting everything ready, and she hides. She knows what's happening and it's horrible. My husband has to claw her out from under the sofa, pin her down, and I've got to inject her. And every time she absolutely hates it, she cries, bolts underneath the sofa and spends the rest of the day sulking. Doesn't want to be near us. And it's horrible. And the worst part is we can't even explain to her what's going on. And every day when she hides, my husband tries to. To talk to her in a soft voice and make it seem normal. And he strokes her head and says, there, there, Molly, don't worry. It's all for your own good. We're not doing this to hurt you. We really just want to make you better. And it's not for long. And it'll just be a tiny little pin prick, then it'll be over. But as long as he's doing that, that's just for him.
- [23:42]
David Robert Jones
He.
- [23:42]
Dee
She doesn't understand what we're saying. She doesn't get that from her perspective, we're just the people that she loves the most, causing her this awful pain and we can't explain why. And sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes not. All of the medicine goes in and we have to inject twice. One time I inject slightly in the wrong place, go a bit too deep, and she has a limp for a while and it's horrible. And sometimes I have to message Dee and say it's all gone horribly wrong. Molly's just so upset and Dee is always there saying, ah, she's just being a drama queen. All cats are like this. They totally overplay any possible thing. She'll forgive you, don't worry. The one month mark rolls around and we get her blood tested, but the results don't show as much improvement as we'd like. She's improved a bit and we can see that there is some improvement there. But her appetite hasn't come back and some of the proteins in her blood look like she's still struggling with this virus. So Dee's advice is to increase the dose of this medicine, which means even more painful, even more difficult injections for her. But we do it. And as she starts to get stronger with it, she starts to fight back. Like she's still absolutely hating this. And when my husband is holding her down, she starts to try and wriggle out of the hold or bite him and claw him. She's hissing at him and he just has to get more creative with holding her down. And some of the things he has to do does seem really cruel. He's having to hold her legs and pin them to a table. He's having to grab her by the scruff of the neck. And sometimes she's so scared and terrified that her body is shaking and just tenses up and it breaks our heart every single time. And meanwhile, through all this, we've still got her brother Cole, who is the most playful, energetic cat anyone could imagine, right? So he needs a lot of attention and playtime during this time. And one day I'm just playing with him normally, like getting him to chase a toy or something around the room. And suddenly, out of nowhere, Molly's eyes light up and start tracking the toy, following where it's going. And then she pounces on it and joins in with the game. And my husband and I just look at each other and tears of joy. We just cry and cry because after all this time, we think maybe this is actually working. So this is about halfway through the whole treatment. And that incident with her playing with the toy made it a lot easier for us to work through that battle every day. And it gave us that knowledge that we needed to administer the injections with confidence, thinking we're going to see this through and this is something that's going to be worthwhile in the end. And what we didn't realize, I think, was that we started to become really reliant on the injections and we actually looked forward to them almost knowing that they were sort of the thing that was keeping her free of this virus or keeping it at bay. So when the final day of treatment was approaching, we actually got quite nervous about the thought of stopping treatment and the thought that the three months was actually coming to an end. The thought of stopping the treatment and then that protection going away made us really worry. What if this virus comes back? What if she relapses? What if she's actually been reliant on this the whole time? After all this time, these injections had become our crutch for thinking about her well being. So leading up to that final blood test, we're so worried, reading up about what the signs of relapse are, making sure we're ready to spot the signs and preparing ourselves for really close observation of Molly. And at the same time, we know that there's a silver lining there and hopefully we won't have to administer these daily painful injections anymore. And we're just hoping she will forgive us and that our relationship with her won't be damaged forever. I'm pleased to say now that she did have her final three month blood test results and they came back absolutely perfect. It's like nothing ever happened. And she's been officially cured now for over two years, living her best life, totally bouncing around, energetic, playful as anything. And the best part is that she did forgive us. She doesn't hold it against us at all. She's still the sweetest, most affectionate little cat ever and still loves to snuggle up to us and have her chin tickled. So, so gorgeous. We're so grateful to have her. Things have moved on with the treatment as well. So a lot more vets are able to prescribe the treatment now, which means that it's so much better for parents. It means they don't have to go through that uncertainty and risk taking of having to trust someone on Facebook. They can just do it in a legitimate way. But even though it's like nothing happened for Molly, that whole experience left me really changed. I've got an anxiety now that I never had before, to the point where I struggle to leave the house without double triple checking that Everything's safe. There's nothing around that can hurt them. They've got everything that they need. And when we go away for a few days, I'm glued to my at home camera, checking that they're in at night and that they're safe. And I'm just terrified that something is going to happen to them. And my husband says it's because the worst did happen, the absolute worst thing did happen, and that's why you're nervous. But I actually think it's the opposite, right? I think it's because the worst didn't happen and the chances are at some point in their lives something will happen to them that I don't have the miracle cure for and I am don't have the miracle answer for. And I will have to face the worst. And now I think when we invited Molly and Cole to live with us in our home, I thought that was going to be happily ever after, right? Joy, playfulness, happiness, all of that. But that isn't the end of the story. The end of their story will come for me and I will have to face the worst possible thing. And that's such a sobering thought. But I just try and be grateful now for the time that we have. And when she cuddles up to me on the sofa at night, wanting a cuddle, I find myself whispering to her as I'm stroking her. I'm really, really glad we saved you, Molly. And that's it. Hi Molly.
- [32:47]
Yossi Rosenberg
We'll be right back.
- [32:49]
Unknown
This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Knowing you could be saving money for the things you really want is a great feeling. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state. Hey, if you need a laugh and who doesn't for the Love is full of funny. We have sat down with comedic legends like Tig Notaro and Leanne Morgan and trust me, they brought the house down from parenting fails to midlife meltdowns. We love to laugh at life together, so find your joy and a ton of giggles on for the Love wherever you get your podcasts.
- [33:43]
Kaley Cuoco
Hey there, travelers. Kaley Cuoco here. Sorry to interrupt your music. Great artist, BT Dubs, but wouldn't you rather be there to hear it live with Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into your dream concert. They've got millions of travel deals to get you to that festival, gig, rave, sound bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to six 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline.
- [34:09]
Dee
Go to your happy price.
- [34:10]
Alex Plotkin
Priceline Pro Baller Lonzo Ball for Buzzballs Ready to go.
- [34:14]
Kevin Allison
Cocktails take 12 buzzballs just dropped their biggest blue balls.
- [34:19]
Alex Plotkin
Script says Biggies Blue balls Lonzo take.
- [34:21]
Kevin Allison
13 blue balls just dropped their biggest buzz Balls.
- [34:24]
Dee
Ugh. Let's try a vocal exercise.
- [34:27]
Zoe Raju
Buzz Balls Biggies Blue Balls Buzz Balls.
- [34:30]
Dee
Biggies Blue Balls Big balls just drop.
- [34:33]
I
Get.
- [34:36]
Dee
With Buzz Balls.
- [34:37]
Alex Plotkin
Please drink responsibly.
- [34:38]
Zoe Raju
Buzz Balls Available in spirit, wine and malt 15 alcohol by volume.
- [34:40]
Dee
Buzzballs LLC, Carrollton, Texas we're.
- [35:04]
I
See these eyes so green I can stare for a thousand years Colder than the moon. It's been so long and I've been putting out fine.
- [35:43]
Yossi Rosenberg
With Castle.
- [35:51]
Kevin Allison
This is Rest. This is David Robert Jones behind me now singing Cat People, the theme to the 1982 horror movie featuring my former Jungian therapist. And we just heard from Alex Plotkin who gave us the news that treatment for FIP feline infectious peritonitis has come a long way. Any vet can prescribe FIP treatment and injections are also now more or less a thing of the past, in most cases options like pills instead. The Facebook group FIP Global Cats still offer support and they're also@fipglobalcats.com and Alex's Cats Cole and Molly are doing just fine. As for Alex herself, you can find her and info about her improv troupe on Instagram. You at Alex Marx the Plot Folks, one of the things we're going to start doing over on Patreon is our curated social event that we call what's your story. It's so fun and we're also going to be doing some sort of salon over there soon where people can pitch stories like, you know, in the three to five minute range and be able to get some feedback from the other attendees including me and other Risk staff. We love all the questions and comments we get from folks over on Patreon and we want to oomph it up as a place to socialize and participate in the risk community. So listen, there's gonna be that and tons of other perks are there already, like the ad free feed of the podcast that you can plug right into your regular podcast app. Access to some of our online video courses like Storytelling for business and more. Plus, we really need your help to stay afloat. No joke. Find us@patreon.com risk Next, we're going to hear from Yossi Rosenberg. I met him for the first time at a Risk show at Caveat in New York, and he was such a treat to have in the show. So here's Yossi Rosenberg now with the story we call orgasmic.
- [38:34]
Yossi Rosenberg
In 2015, I had my 15 minutes of fame. The New York Post did an expose on my love life titled, meet Yossi Rosenberg, New York's most desperate single man. You can Google that. That's true. When the article came out, my mom called me up and in her foreign accent said, yossi, I think you need to flee the country. In the Upper west side Jewish dating scene, I was known as the guy with the article. I couldn't get a date. When I matched up with people on the apps, they would Google my name and it was over. My love life was really bad before the article came out. And after the article came out, it was like an atomic bomb went off. But I kind of liked it because before that time period, I was like a mediocre loser. And after that time the article came out, I was like New York's biggest loser. So it was kind of cool. But anyway, my love life was just getting worse. And I was speaking to my therapist, and she said, you know, Yasi, you have intimacy issues. You can't really get attached to people. You're always trying to date women that aren't emotionally available. You're in the friend zone a lot. And she was right. I agreed with her. I was in my mid-30s, and I never really had a serious relationship. So I was like, maybe this article's a good thing. And I could get over my intimacy issues. I had this friend named Josh Lunier. I called him Munir. He had intimacy issues just like I did. He was a transformative guy. He did a lot of transformative work, and he got over his intimacy issues, and I trusted him and I liked him. So I'm like, I knew he was in a relationship now, so I was like, what have you been doing? And he said, I've been doing this thing called om. I'm like, om? He's like, yeah, it really helped me. It's amazing. You should definitely give it a try. I'm like, okay, sign me up. And next thing you know, I was in an intro to OM class in a SoHo loft. And in the loft, there were a lot of nerdy tech guys and finance bros and a Lot of attractive women. Actually, the OM community was run by women. And the presenter was this beautiful redhead, and she goes on stage, and now she's like, we're going to talk about om. We're going to do a first example of what OM is. And she's like, om stands for orgasmic meditation. I'm like, huh, I didn't sign up for this. And then she calls a woman from the audience and a man. And the woman was called the stroke E, and the man was called the stroker. They make something called a nest, which is like. There's a pillow, a yoga mat, and a zafu. It's like A zafu is like a meditative chair. The woman takes her bottom off. The man sits in between her legs. There's a lot of technicalities, a lot of steps here. It kind of. There's a grounding step where the man says, I'm gonna touch your thighs now. And he touches her thighs. And then there's the noticing step where he's supposed to notice something about her vagina. He would say, like, your labia has a pinkish hue or something like that. Put him in the present moment. And then he put on gloves, and he took lube, and he began to stroke, hand stimulate, whatever you want to say, the woman's clitoris with his index finger, kind of like this. And, you know, I was watching this. I'm not. I'm kind of more conservative. And I was kind of watching this whole scene unfold with shock and disgust. After the session was over, I called up Lunier right away, and I'm like, what? What? You know, what kind of Nexium sex cult thing are you enrolling me in? You know, this is. This is weird. And he said, yossi, Yossi, first of all, it's not sex. There's no sex going on here. It's just hand stimulation. And he's like, do you want to be the most desperate single man forever? I said, no. Yeah. I mean, you have a point. Give it a try. I'm like, okay, all right. What do I have to lose? So anyway, Lunier was a masterstroker. He had spent thousands of dollars, like, thousands. And he was high up in the OM community, and I didn't want to spend any money. I'm cheap. Lunier is just like, I'll add you to the WhatsApp group. There's a WhatsApp group of veteran strokers. And I was like, okay, sure. So he adds me into the group, and suddenly it was just shocking. All these single women posting every Half an hour. I need a stroker. I'm in Brooklyn. I need a stroker. I'm in Harlem. Women of all different ethnicities. Ethnicities, ages, shapes and sizes. And I was like, what the heck? So I responded to one woman. Her name was Glenda. And next thing you know, that morning I was at her door. She opens the door and I was really nervous. I was sweating in my mind. I was thinking all the worst case scenarios, like I was gonna get arrested, I was gonna break something, I don't know. She opened the door and she was like 50, something, like a crunchy granola type. She was a mom. I saw pictures of her kids, divorced, and she put me at ease.
- [44:34]
Alex Plotkin
How's it going?
- [44:35]
Yossi Rosenberg
I'm like, oh, good, good. Made some small talk, and then she took her bottom off, sat in the nest thing, and that's it. I was right there facing it head first. And I have to say that I was in my 30s. I had relationships, short term relationships. I wasn't a virgin, but I was pretty much close to a virgin. And when it came to the female anatomy, I was not very good at, you know, I definitely had a phobia of certain regions. So I'm sitting there, I'm looking at it, I'm like, okay, let's do this. Put on my gloves, put on my lube, and I'm ready to go. And she's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm like, what? You forgot the noticing step? The noticing step. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Okay. It was kind of like rock climbing. There's a lot of different things you had to do. Very regimented. So noticing step, okay. So I said, I notice that on the top right quadrant of your pussy lips there are four white hairs. You're supposed to be very factual. You're supposed to be. So she's like, yeah, okay. I'm like, all right. So then I put the gloves on, put on the lube, and I, yeah, I hand stimulate her, whatever, index finger going like this, you know. I felt at first like a 16 year old boy that's about to kiss a girl. I was terrified. But I got more comfortable. There was energy in the room and it was like I felt electricity coming from my index finger into my body. That's what it felt like. And after we were done, I felt good and I felt like very good about myself and confident, which is rare. I thanked her, she thanked me. I walked out the door and I was like, not bad. I like the feeling. So I went Back to the WhatsApp group next person, you know, it was not hard that next morning I was at this person, Lisa. Lisa was a nerdy person. She worked at tech, 20 something, type A personality. You could tell. Nice apartment. I walked in and she was just straight to business. Didn't want to have a conversation. Let's get down to it. Took her bottom off. There I was. Once again, I remember the noticing step. I said, your clitoral hood looks like a mushroom top. Something weird. Which I don't think you're supposed to do. You're supposed to be very factual. It can't be like it represents whatever. Then I got to the stroking part. Three minutes pass, Five minutes pass. They put a timer. It's supposed to be 15 minutes. And within five minutes, Lisa was just like. She had this weird look on her face. And then she's like, you know what? Forget it, stop. I'm like, what? What? It's not working out. It's not working out. I'm like, what do you mean? I'm not feeling it. I'm like, okay, yeah, don't take it personally. You gotta leave. I'm like, okay. So I got up and left. And I called up Lunier right afterwards. And I was like, oh, my God. I was in my head. I was frantic, like, no woman's ever going to want to touch me. I am. You know something? There's something about me. And I called him up. I'm freaking out. And he's like, buddy, Yussy, Yossi, calm down. You're not going to click with every clit. He had a point. He's like, you're not going to vibe with every person. And that's. It happened. I'm like, okay, just keep doing it. Keep doing it. Okay. I went back to the WhatsApp group, picked a new person. Kira. Kira. Now, Kira was in Manhattanville, and that was a block from where I lived. She was actually very convenient. Fifth floor walk up. I went up the fifth floor. She was a heavyset African American woman. She opened the door and she was. I liked her. We had a. I got a good vibe from her and she made small talk. She gave me some apple juice. I drank some apple juice and, you know, some small talk. And then she goes in the back, she takes off her bottom. I did all the steps. It was good. She seemed to be enjoying herself. Now, this practice, by the way, is a goalless practice. You're not supposed to make anybody, you know, orgasm. It is like a meditation. You're supposed to be in the present moment while stroking. But she was really Enjoying it. That made me feel good. At the end of the 15 minutes, she was like, let's do another session. I'm like, another session. I was drenched in sweat. I was terrible. Okay, okay, fine. Another session. Fine. You're allowed to do two sessions back to back. That's allowed. But then three sessions, not allowed. So, you know, they're very strict. You don't want to break any of the rules and regulations. You'll get kicked out of the community. So we do another session. And she was loving it. And it was like she had a. By the way, you're supposed to call it a pussy. That's what everybody said. I'm going to touch your pussy now. Or you refer to it as a pussy. Her pussy was like a cave. And, like, finding that clit was like finding a bean in a blanket. But, you know, I was. You know, the old me would be terrified of this, but I was getting, you know, that region. I was getting more comfortable. So I left that apartment. I felt once again really good. And that's it. I was hooked. I was hooked. I became an addict. I went on this WhatsApp group every day. It was more than Instagram, more than Facebook. I was on this WhatsApp group, and I was going all around the city stroking people, clits of all different shapes, sizes, everything. It started affecting my work. My boss was like, yossi, why are you taking these long lunch breaks? And I was like, I'm doing a meditation. I'm taking a meditation class. Which wasn't a lie. I mean, it is meditation. When I was doing it, I was laser focused. It was actually really good to. For me to be in the moment anyway, doing it more and more. But then I kind of had with Kira, since she was more convenient, I started doing it more with her. We started doing it twice a week with the stroking. We would go up there, we'd commiserate about our horrible love lives. You know, she gave me the apple juice. And she once said, oh, you know, you remind you're like my Jewish son. Which was kind of incestuous. It was a little weird. Weird, yeah. But we got along. So we're doing this thing twice a week. And then a couple of months in, she messaged me one day, yossi, we can't om anymore. I'm in a relationship. I was like, oh, okay. And I realized, you know, intimacy, the own thing, I definitely had. It helped me get over my superficial fear of intimacy. When it came to the female, anatomy definitely was like exposure therapy. But when it came to the deeper Intimacy, connection, Getting close to somebody on an emotional level. This was kind of like bullshit. It wasn't the real thing. It was just like, novelty act, a rush to intimacy, like a fad diet or something like that. So I tried to get back into it, but I felt like a gynecologist, to be honest, coming in and out of seeing a patient, and it just fizzled out. I stopped doing it. Anyway, four years later, I'm on a third date with this girl I really like, and it's going well, which is pretty good. I have a third date that was not common. And she's like, how do you know this person? Pamela. And I was like, pamela? Oh, my God. And we had this Facebook thread in common. Pamela. And I knew Pamela from the orgasmic meditation community. But I was like, oh, no. I never really stroked her, but she was heavily involved in the past. So I was like. In my head, I was freaking out. I'm like, do I tell her? Do I not tell her? What do I do? What do I do? So then I just took a deep breath, and I just told her everything. I figured she's gonna want to be with me. She's got to know my eccentric weirdness and all that. I told her everything, and she just looked at me and she laughed, and she goes, yeah, I already knew that. Pamela told me everything. I'm like, okay. And I realized this was real intimacy. This person liked me with all my sexual deviance and eccentricities, warts and all. And she accepted me. We went on a couple more dates, and then I married her. And then I invited Kira to our wedding, but she never ended up coming because of COVID But anyway, that's another story. Thank you.
- [54:33]
David Robert Jones
To hide themselves the idle bo Never glimpse the truth when it's far too late when they pass away.
- [54:57]
Kevin Allison
This is risk. This is the Beatles behind me now, meditating within you and without you. And we just heard from Yossi Rosenberg, who you can find on Instagram Grosseyossi. Folks, that group, Orgasmic Meditation, There's a trial of this group in Brooklyn right now, I think. Listen, I would just recommend that with any group along those lines that you check for references, ask around the community, bring a friend. You know, be skeptical and careful about jumping into anything like that. Folks, don't forget that I do storytelling, coaching, one on one. I've done coaching with trial lawyers and preachers, tour guides, solo show performers, wedding toast givers, wedding vows givers, people doing eulogies, people writing articles, people writing personal essays, people doing business presentations or preparing for interviews. People writing memoirs and of course, people working on stories for shows like Risk. You can look me up@kevinalison.com now on Thursday, we're going to rerun an all time classic of a risk episode from 2013. It's called what I'm Made of with Shen Wei and Ed Gavigan. You don't want to miss this one. But that's Thursday. And folks, today's the day. Take a risk.
- [57:05]
David Robert Jones
The love that's gone so close? And the people who gain the world and lose the sun? They don't know they can't see all you wanna? When you see beyond yourself? Then you may find Peace of mind is waiting? The time will come when you see we're all one? Life flows on within you and without you.