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- [00:00]
Kevin Allison
On this episode of Risk.
- [00:02]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
You'll hear he stands up and he pulls his dick out. Yes.
- [00:10]
Kevin Allison
And you'll hear, I love everyone.
- [00:13]
Tuesday Thomas
I love you all.
- [00:15]
Kevin Allison
And of course, you'll hear me. Kevin Allison on the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share.
- [00:31]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Mom, can you tell me a story?
- [00:33]
Tuesday Thomas
Sure. Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car. Was she brave? She was tired mostly. But she went to Carvana.com and found a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required.
- [00:43]
Mindy Myers
Did you have to find a dragon?
- [00:44]
Tuesday Thomas
Nope. She bought it 100% online from her bed, actually.
- [00:47]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Was it scary?
- [00:49]
Tuesday Thomas
Honey, it was as unscary as car buying could be.
- [00:51]
Mindy Myers
Did the car have a sunroof?
- [00:53]
Tuesday Thomas
It did, actually. Okay, good story. Car buying. You'll want to tell stories about. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.
- [01:01]
Mindy Myers
Morning delivery decisions.
- [01:03]
Kevin Allison
How about a creamy mocha frappuccino drink?
- [01:05]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Or sweet vanilla smooth caramel maybe? Or a white chocolate mocha? Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries.
- [01:16]
Tuesday Thomas
Stitch Fix, Stop shopping. Get styled a plus on the outfit.
- [01:20]
Mindy Myers
Ms. Turner, you are about to slay parent teacher conferences.
- [01:24]
Tuesday Thomas
Oh, these just the most perfect fitting jeans my stylist sent me. Oh, hello, you who didn't set one foot in a mall. And stick. It looks amazing.
- [01:33]
Mindy Myers
Just share your size, style and budget
- [01:35]
Tuesday Thomas
and your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. Stitch Fix, get started today@stitch fix.com to my stylist, this look is dedicated to you. Thank you.
- [01:45]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Thank you.
- [01:46]
Mindy Myers
Did you ever hear about the selfie that solved a murder? Or the jury that used a Ouija board to speak to a victim? If that made you pause, you need to listen to Morning cup of Murder. I'm Karina Bemisdurfer, and every single day on Morning cup of Murder, I tell one chilling true crime story story tied to that exact day in history. With over 2,500 episodes to binge, you'll never run out of dark stories to start your morning with. Go listen to Morning cup of Murder wherever you get your podcasts. And remember, stay safe.
- [02:27]
Kevin Allison
Okay, folks, this is. This episode is called Weirdos in a good way. The kind of weirdos you love. Or sometimes accidental weirdos. Because we also love when people aren't trying to be weird but end up being weird anyway. Weird like Shushu, who you can hear behind me now. Now, by the time you hear this, my storytelling workshop starting on April 22, 2026, might have already Started. But plenty of folks have taken the workshop after missing a session or even the first couple of sessions, so you might not be too late. Also, I have one starting on May 31st, so email me at kevinrisk-show.com to learn more about either of those. Now, to start things off, we have a story by Larry Dorsey, Jr. And after that, we have something we have never done before. After Larry's story, you'll be hearing something that might make you think, I've heard this before. But you haven't. Not really. And like I said, we're gonna start with the hilarious and super talented Larry Dorsey, Jr. Every time Larry's been on the show, he's been amazing. This is a story he shared at a recent Risk live show at Caveat in New York City. It's a story we call Come to Mama.
- [04:17]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Oh. First, I would like to make a clarification for a future possible preoccupation in your mind with a word that I pronounce in the story. Okay? I'm a black guy from California. We say theater. All right? Because this story's about my time at a theater. I'm gonna be saying theater a whole lot and I don't want you going. It's theater and all that kind of stuff. We say the a ter, okay? That's what we say. Black guy. Am I right? Yes. See my guy. Okay, So I was the first African American in the 35 years of existence of the top improv theater school and performance venue in Northern California. Yes, I was. And they weren't racist. They were a bunch of old school hippies. Like, they were all good hearted people. And it's just happened that if y' all know improv sketch, there's just, there's not a lot of black people in it, right? Especially me. I'm like a street cat that turned, like, changes life. Like most black people who are improv are like, ah, Childish Campino, Donald Glover, like, and I love him. I love him with all my heart. But yeah, so I worked my way up the ranks to be a teacher, right? I'm now teaching and I'm teaching my very first class. It's also the first time this theater is offering stand up comedy, right? So I'm teaching stand up comedy in its relationship with improv. So I have all this pressure, you know, with black people. We was like the first black person to do this. We always have this, like, even though it shouldn't be that way, but it feels like we're representing the race, you know what I mean? And so I'm like, okay, I gotta do this, I gotta do this. I gotta prepare. It's six weeks, three hour classes. I got, you know, I have to have everything in line. I want everybody to get their money's worth. It's really expensive. I want everybody to be happy. I want everybody to be successful. So many things going through my mind. And so I invite two of my homies, right? One is my godbrother. He's Native American. His name's Guatemo. And then the other one, he's like this anime black nerd from the ghetto in Oakland. But he's not that, right? He's just. He just. He was bullied, okay? So I love him though. I love him. He's a stand up comedian. Shout out him. I'm not gonna say his name. Cause then he's like, why you say that? Okay? And so they were my two TAs. Cause I have like the strategy of what I was gonna do with my standup. I was gonna have people go up on stage without any preparation and just do five minutes right there. Get it out the way. Now you don't even have to think, oh, stand up. He's like, boom. You have to do it right in front of us right now. And I was gonna have them open up so that everybody's a little more loose. You know what I mean? That was my strategy, right? So I walk into the class, I got all my gear, I got all the equipment and everything. I got the curriculum. I'm like, yeah, I got this. All my Phil musings and all this. And I walk in and I see a black dude who looks like he's from the streets, right? Cause I'm. If y' all know. Some of y' all know the Chris Rock joke, right? Like, right? I'm that guy. I'm like. I looked at him, I was like, okay. Like, he looked like his parole or probation officer was like, do improv. It'll help you out, right? And I look at him and I look at Guatemo and I'm mad. Oh, shit. I said his name, okay? I'm mad. Fuck it. I look at them, I go, listen. Because we're on the side of San Francisco. I'm born and raised in San Francisco, by the way. We're in the side of the city where everybody's white and pretty much wealthy, right? We're right next to like Golden Gate Bridge. That's where we're at. So if y' all not familiar, Marin county is probably one of the richest places on earth. And it's across the Golden Gate Bridge. And they denied the building process of the subway transportation so that nobody would have access to that side of the bridge. Right? So in the area we're in San Francisco, there also is no subway system that goes that way. So it's just wealthy people, big houses, right? So so many things are processing in my mind. I'm like, how he get on this side of the city? Like, black people don't do improv. Like, I've always been the only black person at this place. Occasional black guy with a white girlfriend would come to the shows, but that's it. Like, what's good? Okay. But I'm also happy at the same time. Cause I'm like, yo, it's a fellow brother. Like, he's in his class. That's dope. The class sold out. And there was a good little hype around it. I'm like, maybe he heard or something. Like, I'm going through all these thoughts. I'm like, whatever. Cool, cool. I said, what's up, bro? What's your name? Oh, DeAndre. Okay, for sure. For sure. It's all good, bro. I said that to him privately. Because the rest of the class, I'm like, hi, guys. Greetings. And so we're getting ready. We're playing these little warmup improv games. And he's like, I gotta go to the bathroom right before I'm about to start class. I'm like, damn. And so he slides to. He leaves. And so I'm like, okay, I gotta come up with more games to play. I'm playing games, killing time. And it turns out to be, like, 15 minutes pass. And so I'm like, where is this dude? And he finally comes back, but he comes back sweating and kind of tweaking, right? And I'm like, ah, shit. Right? Fuck. Right? And so I look at him. I'm like, oh, man. And so he closes this down. And, you know, at this point, like, at first he was buttoned up, and now his shirt was, like, kind of unbuttoned. And so y' all know I'm new to New York, but y' all know the dudes on the subways. He's like, I got an announcement. That's how he looks now. He went from Will Smith in pursuit of happiness to I got an announcement. Quick change, right? And so. And so I'm like, damn. And so I look at Guatema and Ahmed. I say, yeah, yeah, yeah. When the people sit down, it's like you sit side by side and have him in Between. You know what I mean? And so I'm teaching a class, and I have, like, a view of the people who are gonna be performing and the people sitting down, right? And so the whole time, like, when we start getting people to get on stage, he's starting to do, like, non sequitur. Like, heckling, right? And I feel like the rest of the class, everybody was white, by the way. It was like 50, 50 gender, too. And I feel like sexual expression as well. San Francisco. So I feel like it was 50, 50. Like, it was a good mix of whiteness. And then it was. And then it was us, you know? And he's like, yelling shit out like, strawberry Nutella crepe. And I'm just like, delicious, but chill, man. Fucking random things. Scooby Doo mysteries and fucking epistemology. I'm like, good word, good word, but shut the fuck up. And so this mother, she told us, like, she recently gave birth. This was like, her treat to her sister taking this class and, like, get out the house and stuff like that. After just giving birth and whatever. She was well put together, like, fashionable. Like, not like, over fashionable, but, like, had her shit tight. She looked like Amy Schumer if she was German, right? That's how she looked. She had that little accent, you know what I mean? And so she gets on stage, she's doing her thing. And the black dude, and just to describe him a little bit, he was like. He had dreads, right? He was a little darker skinned, right? He was tall. He's like six. Like, he was a big dude. Like. And so he stands up and nobody's really looking at him at this point. They're ignoring him. Like, the people on the subway, right? Everybody's like, oh, this guy's. You know, he stands up and he pulls his dick out. Yes. And it was big. And he starts playing with it. And I'm all. I look at him and I'm like, this is my first class. It's the height of Black Lives Matter. I'm just like, oh, shit. And I go from professor to straight nigga mom. I would say, nigga, what the fuck you doing? And everybody's confused because I feel like the class might have thought that I had planted him there to, like, heckle them as part of an exercise or something, and that this was part of the class shit. I was like, yo, what are you doing, bro? And I'm like, nah, blood, what the fuck? And everybody's kind of confused. Like, what's going on? Like, what's happening? Like, these black guys they're fighting, right? And I'm just like. I was like, nah, nah, blood, you gotta go. You gotta get the fuck up outta here. You gotta go. And that's when Ahmed and Guatemo. Cause they didn't see. They were, like, right next to him, but they didn't notice, you know what I mean? That's when they were like, oh, shit, this is serious. You know what I mean? And the funny thing is, when he pulled his dick out, it was, like, so casual, like pulling out a cigarette. It just was like I was hanging. You know what I mean? And when I called him out, he's, like, still playing. And, like, are you talking to me? Like, who?
- [13:03]
Tuesday Thomas
Who?
- [13:03]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Who else? I'm like, bro, get the fuck. And so Gautamo and Ahmed stand up, they grab him, escort him out, right? And for me, I'm so happy that nobody. Cause I was like, a potential, like, you know, on so many levels. Sexual assault, harassment, and hella shit. I'm so happy nobody saw it. Like, I'm still in between if the German woman saw it or not, right? And if she was like, I'm not saying nothing. That was a good view, or whatever, right? And, you know, San Francisco, I love my city because it's like the hippie movement, the LGBTQ movement. Like, we have the only transgender district in the entire world. Arguably, I think we're the most progressive place on earth. Like, literally, right? San Francisco is that city. We have the Folsom Street Fair. Are y' all familiar with this? Like. Like, the dude talking about that shit, I was like, I seen that when I was 9 years old in the middle of the street. I seen pegging all that shit when I was a kid, right? Okay? So seriously, I did. And so even with all of that, I was just like, yo, fuck. Like, this is big. Like, what do I do? Do I call the police on this dude? Do I fucking. Hopefully it just blows over. Is he gonna be waiting outside for us? Like, what is gonna happen? Let me just continue teaching the class. But I couldn't, because for the next hour or so, every, like, five to 10 minutes, he would knock on the door and be like, I'm sorry. I'm like, nigga, you can't apologize. I just saw your dick, bro, and it's bigger than mine. Fuck you. It was. But, no, it doesn't matter. And I was like, bro, no, bro, you gotta go. And everybody's still confused, like, is this part of the curriculum? Like, And I'm like, you gotta go. I'm not gonna call the police on. I don't want to see you get hurt, but you got to go. And he just wouldn't stop. And so it got. The tension was so high, and everybody I could see was starting to get nervous. And I was like, what? Like, I grew up doing martial arts. So did Guatema, so did Ahmed. We all were like, actual. We're good fighters, right? So I'm like, fuck it. We gonna beat this motherfucker ass fuck it, right? And then I'm like, oh, shit. It's my first time teaching, like, how, like, I beat someone's ass on the 1st, making all these bounds, and then I just whoop, someone's out. Like, I can't do that. And so out of nowhere, when I'm going through so much stress, the German lady stands up and goes, like, she's asking for the manager. She goes, I'm going to talk to him. Yo, when I tell you. My heart fell to my nut sack, man. I was like, oh, no. And everybody, the whole class, everybody was just like, oh, no, no, don't do that. You don't want to do that, right? And so I run in front of her, and I'm not gonna physically touch her or try to stop her, right? I'm, like, doing basketball and football. Dr. Like, come on, come on, come on. Please don't do this to me. This is my first shit, right? And so she slides out the class. I go up after, I tell Guatemala I made. I was like, do something. Teach a curriculum. Do something, right? And I run outside and I look, and he's standing there, and he's like, oh, you know, he's a pretty towering figure. He's standing there, right? And I'm like, oh, shit. But she's already made enough gains to I can't get. And I'm not going to turn my back to him. Like, it was like, the positioning was so crazy that I couldn't, like, save her. You know what I mean? And she walks up and she goes like this. Yo, this. This fucked my head up. She goes, come here, baby. Come give mama a hug. And he goes from like this to, like, a little kid. He goes. His whole body. His whole body position and his structure just changes. And he, like. He, like, turns into this little innocent person, and she. She comes up to him, she hugs him. Really, like, really, like, just deeply, like they're melting into each other. And she's caressing the back of his head. Don't touch black people's hair. But she was. She was doing it, and she was. She's caressing his head, patting his back and really hugging him. Everything's gonna be okay, baby. Okay, you're right. Mama's got you. He's like, okay, Mama. And she's like, you have somewhere safe you can go? He's like, I think I do. I have somewhere safe I can go. She's okay, Mama's got you.
- [17:07]
Kevin Allison
Now.
- [17:07]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
What you gonna do? Mama doesn't want to sit, you get hurt or anything bad happen. You're gonna go to that safe place, okay? Okay, Mama. You're gonna go to a safe place right now. And everything's gonna be okay. He said, okay, Mama. She's like, okay, go now. And he turns around and just walks away, like, with his tail tucked between his legs and just leaves, right? And I'm standing here going, what the fuck kind of fucking witchcraft shit did I just see in my life, right? And we go. And she walks and just smiles. Doesn't say shit. Yes. Walks back into class. I go into class. The class went well. Everybody stayed in the class. Nobody dropped out. It was like a full six weeks. Beautiful. Great graduation. Everything good, right? You know what I mean? I go and check the class sheet that night. Cause you're supposed to report to the school director if everybody had attendance. And there was no fucking deandre on the class sheet. And I'm like, I'm never not checking the class sheet again. But what this taught me was that the most powerful energy on this earth is the love from women. Specifically, a mother. Thank you.
- [18:32]
Mindy Myers
About a year after I got divorced, I decided to get back into the dating scene. But I thought I needed a little help. So I went to see a sex therapist. And after an examination, she said to me, oh, yeah, you're kind of tight down there. But I have a solution. I'm like, okay, lay it on me. So she brings over a case and pulls out, initially, a dildo. The dildo was thin and white and not contoured. It was just a long cylinder. She says to me, so I call this dildo the Boy Scout. Because it can get you back into the dating scene. And hopefully you will not find a boy with a dildo that thin. But I have another dildo. And she pulls out the next thickest dildo. And this one she called Pee Wee Herman. Now, Pee Wee Herman was the same length but thicker around. And she says, after you use the Boy Scout for a week or two, Then you graduate to Pee Wee Herman. After Pee Wee Herman, she takes out the next dildo. This, she says, is Brad Pitt. So it's clearly Thicker than Pee Wee Herman. And she says, if you can handle Brad Pitt, you'll be in good shape. But we're not done yet, she says, and she pulls out the next really thick dildo. And she says, I call this one the Rock. And if you meet a guy, that's the Rock, have a great time. So I was happy to know that I was gonna go back into the dating scene and be prepared. I ordered the four pack, and then I just sort of forgot about it.
- [20:35]
Tuesday Thomas
Mindy's four new purchases were on their way. But great teacher though she was, there was a lesson or two she hadn't learned yet about online shopping and a little feature called autofill.
- [20:50]
Mindy Myers
I returned to my everyday life, which was running a cooking school. And so we had teachers and classrooms. The walls in the main office were covered with cookware. Teachers would come and go and collect the cookware off the walls and take it to their classrooms. But we had a complaint from a school, and I decided I would go down to the school school and see if the children were indeed hands on.
- [21:22]
Tuesday Thomas
The complaint was a familiar one for Mindy. The complainer worried that kids were spending too much of their time sitting at desks, listening to lectures about recipes and not gaining the skills they would need to put their learning into practice in the kitchen. Mindy took it seriously.
- [21:44]
Mindy Myers
So I got there, and I saw the teacher in the back of the classroom with the majority of the kids. And in the front was a girl making bechamel sauce. And she added the cream and the flour and calls back to the teacher, but what should I mix it with? And the teacher says, well, next to you is a variety of cooking tools. Why don't you just pick one of those? And she pulls out the rock.
- [22:16]
Tuesday Thomas
In that moment, it hit Mindy a dress autofill at checkout. The four purchases had, in fact, arrived right on schedule, just not where she expected.
- [22:29]
Mindy Myers
My mouth was open. I was absolutely in shock. And she starts mixing the bechamel sauce with the rock. And the teacher says, well, you're not done until you taste that it's creamy. And so she takes a lick off of the rock, and my mouth is at my knees, absolutely in shock. The children were indeed hands on.
- [23:04]
Tuesday Thomas
And that's the director's cut of Mindy's story, because Kevin felt the first version needed more context. But he'd also like everyone to know you don't have to pay a sex therapist for whole training. What? Heck, if you're gonna pay someone for that,
- [23:28]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
you might as well make it.
- [23:30]
Tuesday Thomas
Kevin himself because he's only really good at like a couple of things and
- [23:35]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
running this podcast is barely paying the bills.
- [23:40]
Tuesday Thomas
Come get that whole wreck.
- [23:43]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Come get that whole wreck.
- [23:46]
Tuesday Thomas
Get that whole wreck.
- [23:48]
Kevin Allison
Come get that whole wreck.
- [23:55]
Tuesday Thomas
Very.
- [24:01]
Kevin Allison
Membership means More with American Express Business Gold earn four times Membership Rewards points in your top two eligible spending categories every month, including eligible U.S. advertising purchases in select media and U.S. purchases at restaurants, including takeout and delivery. What are you waiting for? Get the card that flexes with your spending every month Terms and points cap apply. Learn more@americanexpress.com Business Gold AmEx Business Gold Card built for business by American Express
- [24:32]
Tuesday Thomas
who cares about your poops? Ollie does.
- [24:35]
Kevin Allison
That's why Ollie's science backed Gut Health
- [24:37]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Lineup helps support your family's regularity. From daily probiotics to fiber gummies your kiddos will love, find it all on ollie.com that's o l l y.com these
- [24:48]
Tuesday Thomas
statements have not been evaluated by the
- [24:50]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Food and Drug Administration.
- [24:51]
Kevin Allison
This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
- [24:58]
Tuesday Thomas
It's the Paradise Podcast.
- [25:00]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
I am your host Ryan Michelle Bathey
- [25:02]
Mindy Myers
with my husband Sterling.
- [25:03]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
What's up?
- [25:04]
Mindy Myers
Join us here on Hulu and Hulu on Disney where we'll discuss each episode with the cast and crew of Paradise.
- [25:11]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
I'll be getting all the secrets from
- [25:13]
Mindy Myers
Dan Fogelman, James Marsden, Shailene Woodley, Julianne Nicholson and Sterling Kelby Brown.
- [25:20]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Paradise, the official podcast is now streaming and stream paradise on Hulu and Hulu on Disney. Plus.
- [25:39]
Kevin Allison
This is Risk. This is Rafter behind me now. And before the break, you heard something we've never done on the show before. Little while back we ran a story from the wonderful Mindy Myers, who did a great job telling the story called Ample Package. But due to some screw ups on our part behind the scenes, including missing audio footage, that story went out without the amount of context we felt it could have used. So the weirdest of all weirdos, our mad genius of an editor, Taj Easton made a new cut of the story with new context built into it by turning the story into a musical and one that brings me into things in the way weirdest of ways. But I laughed when I heard it and I thought, what? Screw it. Let's throw that redux version we made weird on our episode called Weirdos. But before that we heard from Larry Dorsey Jr. Who you can find online at Larry Dorsey Jr. Now folks, we made a little joke in that piece before the commercial break about me needing to find other jobs outside of running this whole business, even though this is a full time job, to say the very least. Because Risk is in such dire straits financially, everyone on the team is having to find other work and we're stretched really thin. It's not funny. We made a joke, but it's not funny. I feel like the stress and anxiety about keeping this business afloat is definitely shaving years off of my life expectancy. Making Risk is such a profound, deep joy and honor, but the financial side of things makes our whole staff deeply, deeply worried. So we are not at all exaggerating when we say we desperately need as much help from our listeners as possible. Now over at Patreon, we're going to be introducing a new feature soon which is Just the Stories. So Patreon members will have the option of listening to ad free versions of the episodes or the option of listening to just the stories without any other parts of the episodes. We're always thinking of how to add more perks over there. Another thing you will now find over on Patreon is a conversation between myself and Annie Carnreich about her story called the Bestest. That was on the recent episode called into the Moving Dark. Holy shit. One of the best stories we've ever run. An extraordinary woman and I, I just had to have a conversation with Annie to follow up. There's so much more even revealed in our conversation. So you don't want to miss the perks like that over there at Patreon. So please consider joining@patreon.com risk or consider increasing your donation if you're already there. Or you can make a one time donation at PayPal me riskshow. We are so, so grateful. Next up, we have a story from Tuesday Thomas, another storyteller who's been amazing every time she's been on the show. Here's Tuesday now with a story we call the insane, the crazy, the weird, the ridiculous.
- [30:19]
Tuesday Thomas
Here I am entering through the exit. Okay, it's kind of the story of my life. Not knowing where I'm going, but. But rushing in there and doing it anyway. I've never been into an ikea before. It's 2009. I come from the east coast and they were kind of a west coast thing. We didn't really have them. And I had just moved to LA from Vegas, Louisiana was my dream. Always my dream since I was a kid to pursue acting, entertainment, be in the industry. And here I'm finally in a situation where I can do that. I need a couch, though. I need a couch. I don't have a couch. In my new apartment in Studio City, the apartment that I could barely afford, but it's Studio City and it has the word studio in it. So that's gotta be the place to be if you wanna work in a studio and to be discovered. Studio City it is. And so I drove to IKEA and Burbank. I'm walking in the wrong way. I don't care. Didn't know where the entrance or exit was, but I don't care. I'm doing it. I'm free. I'm not really sure where I'm going because, you know, I can't see the signs. Everything's written on the other side of signs because I'm coming in backwards. Going against the grain is kind of my whole life, you know? But all of a sudden, I see from the back this curvy blonde woman. I thought, you know what you gotta ask people, you know, Sometimes you gotta ask things. So I tap her on the shoulder and I say, do you know where the couches and sofas are? And she turns around and it was Alexis fucking Arquette. Now, for those of you who don't know who Alexis Arquette is, she's a trans icon. Nepo baby, if you will. Her grandfather I saw when I was a kid was Charlie Weaver on Hollywood Squares with the old Hollywood Rose Marie and Paul Lynde. And I think he was Bottom Left square. And then, you know, his mother was a rustic Meyer girl, and his father was into producing and stuff. And he has brother David, and he has an older brother. I can't remember the name, but he was an acting teacher, Sister Patricia, who's an amazing actress, and Rosanna, who's a great actress, who had Toto write a song about her. So, I mean, this is Hollywood, you know, It's a dynasty, old Hollywood royalty, if you will. And so she turns around and she says to me, first of all, the couches are over here, and you're walking in the wrong way. You're walking in backwards. Second of all, your skin is like glass. You are so beautiful. I gotta know everything about you coming in the wrong way. Amazing. Tell me who you are. And so we sat down on some chairs that were there and we talked for a bit. And it got to the point where, like, okay, we really gotta finish our business. And she says, here's my phone number. Give me yours. And so I have Alexis Arquette's phone number. And I'm like, I'm gonna make it Hollywood. I'm thinking, I'm on the roll here. I've been Here in just a few weeks, my life wasn't that great because I was actually like, running. Getting divorced and running from a crazy ex husband to finally fulfill my dreams. But here we are. I know Alexis Arquette now, and I have her phone number. And of course, I'm not going to be the one that calls first. That would be Trego Sh. One does not call a celebrity first. One has to wait for them to summon you. And it was just a few days later that all of a sudden I got a call. She was like, hey, I'm at this little house party. Come on over. There's some people I want you to meet. And so I go to this house party and one of the people I meet, his first name is Barry. Now, Barry was a director and a producer who directed and produced the movie Wigstock. I don't know if you know Wigstock, but it was a famous event in New York City for years. That lady bunny ran in Tompkins Square park that just, you know, it was Labor Day weekend. Got all these queens together. It was a political, you know, fun party. All these drag queens doing crazy stuff in the park. And it just evolved into a huge annual celebration. And it was made into a movie and Barry made it into the movie. There wasn't a lot of people at this party, but they were talking about projects they were working on and people they knew and Holly Woodlawn's name got dropped. And I was immediately perked up because, oh, my God, Warhol trans icon Holly Woodlawn. Somebody here knows her and, oh, I might meet her someday. And if I could be picked to portray her in the story ever. All this stuff is going through my mind, you know. And so Barry says to me, unbeknownst to me, actually, Barry is producing a new movie and what's happening is Alexis is pitching me for a part. I didn't find out this till later, but Barry says to me, he took a shine, if you will, to me, and he asked me to go to a movie premiere of sorts of at the Egyptian Theater coming up. And what it was was Richard Elfman's college film, which was the Forbidden Zone. And for those unfamiliar, I really pity you because everybody needs to see this movie. Everybody needs to see the Forbidden Zone. You go down into the basement of this house and open the door and it's a whole nother planet ruled by Susan Terrell, who was an Academy Award nominated actress for Niagara, John Hewson's Niagara, worked with Marilyn Monroe, was part of Andy Warhol's Factory, and became just A misfit of Hollywood. She was very Norma Desmond, incredulous acting, darling. How dare you type acting? You know, at this point, she had had diabetes and would not give up drinking and had both their legs cut off. It was absolutely incredible that she was going to be there for a Q and A. It was Richard Elfman, Danny's brothers. It was his college film and it was in black and white. And Danny had done the music for it with his group, the Mystic Knights of the Oingo Buengo, when they wrote all the music for it. Love. Who doesn't love the Mystic Knights of the Oingo Buingo? And who doesn't love all the stuff that Danny Elfman's done since? And I'm just like, yes, I'm going to this. Thank you. I'm going. Cause I love the infamous song Pico and Sevulveda. Pico and Sevulveda from the movie. And I hadn't even lived in la and I knew that movie, knew that song. So we went, We got in our seats. Now, the thing about this quote unquote premiere, the reason it was premiering is because Richard had just colorized the film because it was all in black and white. And as I said, it was his college film. He had colorized it himself. Afterwards was going to be a Q and A with Danny and Richard and Susan and people from the movie. And we sat through the fabulous film. The Egyptian is now the Netflix theater. So I'm sure they've done some work on it. But at the time when it became time for the Q and A afterwards to go in front of the screen, it was a dip. It was a dip down in front. So there's chairs set up and people are walking and they're walking down a slight incline. They're going to their chairs. But every time a person comes, they sit the first chair available. And of course, the last one to come is Susan Terrell. So she wheels her wheelchair, being legless, down this incline. She goes in front of everybody who's already sat. She doesn't even look their way. She's looking at everybody in the audience. And I swear this woman made eye contact with every single one of the people. Like looking at them like, it's me, bitches, it's me. And she just had this smirk on her face. And she wheels down to the end and she puts herself in the end. Here's where it gets fun, because people were asking questions, but nobody was asking Susan anything. They were asking Danny and Richard. They were asking the other People who were there. And I think it was about, I don't know, maybe five to ten. Ten minutes in, you can start to see Susan. Her face changes. Everything is completely different. That smile is gone. That I am the queen is dissipating. And visible frustration sets in to the point where she finally screams, who are you people? What are you doing? And she looks at everybody. She goes, I know you directed me. But she looks at somebody else and she goes, I don't even remember you being in the movie. This is just. Shit.
- [39:30]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Fuck all of you.
- [39:32]
Tuesday Thomas
And she just goes to leave. And she's wheeling herself across, and people are just, I'm agog. Everybody is just, I can't believe this happened. Now, remember I had said that there was a slight incline to get into that area. So as she's wheeling herself up the slight incline, she'd get about halfway, three quarters of the way up, and roll back. She would get half, every three quarters of the way up, roll back. This happened two to three times, maybe four. And all of a sudden, she stops and her head whips to the side and she makes eye contact and she goes, barry. Barry. Cause she knows Barry. And he stands up, he goes, do you want me to help you? She goes, no, I want that wonderful creature next to you to come down and get me out of here. And I'm like, me. I kind of put my hand on my chest and I'm pointing to myself, and I'm like, me. Me. And she's like, that's you. You get me out of here. And so it's a Friday night, 10:30ish or so, in Hollywood Boulevard. And I'm walking down the Isle of the Egyptian and stiletto heels and a tight black dress. And I wheel out Susan Terrell outside into the courtyard of the Egyptian Theater. Now, at this point, she's calmer, but then her quote unquote handlers come out and they try. They're like, are you okay, Susan? And she's basically swatting them away, like, you know, bees or flies, going, get out of here. Get out of here. I don't need you. I don't need any of you. And I'm just like, look at me. I got a new job. I am somebody. I am. I am this close to being famous in Hollywood within three weeks of being here. It just gets better. I go from Alexis Arquette to Barry to Susan Terrell. And she says to me, take me out on the Boulevard. My fans want to see me. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is fucking Sunset Boulevard. This is like a John Waters version of Sunset Boulevard. And I get her out and I start wheeling her again in a tight black dress and stilettos. 9:30, 10:30, somewhere in the area. And so I start pushing her down the boulevard and it's crowded, it's crowded. And then all of a sudden she goes faster, faster. And I start going faster and she's like, faster. And she's waving at people going, hello, fans, hello. And we go a few blocks and I turn her around and I'm running her back. And my tight little black dress is starting to become a belt of sorts. And I'm trying to, like, you know, not show the cooch and everything and wheel this legless Z less celebrity as fast as I can in stilettos. And all of a sudden she said, take me. Take me over to Miss Ellie's. They always have a table. So we were right on the corner and she must have seen the sign and it jogged something. Cause I turned the corner and I took her into Miss Sally's. And they did have a table for her. And they're like, right this way. And it was a big round table that had everybody from the movie, they were waiting for her. And so we come in and there's a spot for her. And I wheel her in. And she's calm and she's quiet and she's got a huge smile on her face and just looking around like, you know, surveying her domain. And these are her peasants and these are. And they come to glorify her and she's happy and I'm on one side of her. And then all of a sudden, somebody reaches around back of her, taps me on the shoulder and says, thank you so, so much. I'm so indebted to you for taking care of her and bringing her back. Barry said, you're a cool person. We knew you'd come back, but thank you. And it's Danny Elfman. And I'm like, okay, now Danny Elfin's indebted to me.
- [44:11]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
I am somebody.
- [44:14]
Tuesday Thomas
I'm gonna be doing Carl's Jr. Commercials and John Waters films any day now. And after a few minutes, Susan pounds on the table a little bit and says, I have something to say. I just want you to say, I love everyone,
- [44:36]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Everybody.
- [44:37]
Tuesday Thomas
I love you all.
- [44:39]
Kevin Allison
I've just always been attracted to the
- [44:41]
Tuesday Thomas
beautiful, to the strange, and her arms are flailing to the wild, to the crazy. And then she looks at me and her hand kind of gestures towards me and goes. And to the deformed. Now I just Want to say, you better be careful what you wish for in life. Cause I went from the top of the heap in Hollywood, starring in Carl Jr. S commercials and John Waters films to being Quasi Freaking Moto. Within minutes, I'm thinking I'm the best thing to happen since Betty White. But I'm just a deformed creature. And I'm not sure how to take this, but she was so happy and she was smiling. I had so many emotions going on. I mean, she might not have meant that I was deformed. I don't know. I don't know how to take this. And everybody's just smiling, going, okay. And so is that just a thing. Like, this is Susan. Don't take it personally. And they're just saying, thanks, Susan. She's nodding her head, she's smiling and like, you're cool, you're cool. She's looking at me like, you're cool. I like you. But I still think she meant whatever she meant towards me out of kindness. I think it was out of kindness because she liked me. I mean, I'll never know to this day if Susan Terrell thought I was deformed, if anybody else at the table thought I was deformed. But you know what? I'll carry that glow of being called deformed by Susan Terrell. And I will take that as a compliment. And I will also take the fact how wonderful I felt and how freeing it was to finally be in Hollywood. And even though there were no actual cameras rolling, I was in a movie with Susan Terrell inside her mind.
- [46:43]
Kevin Allison
Sam, This is Risk. This is Shuju behind me now again. And we just heard from Tuesday Thomas, whose award winning documentary about her life called the Trash Goes out on Tuesday is now streaming on Tubi. And her upcoming Hollywood Fringe show this June is called Confessions of a Groupie. Or How I Jim Morrison the Night he Died. But I didn't kill him. So stop asking me questions, copper. And you can find her online@tuesdaythomas.com. now, folks, like I said, I'm teaching an online storytelling workshop on April 22nd. That's eight Wednesday evening Zoom sessions at 8:30pm Eastern Time. And it's okay if you've missed the first session or two. I can even catch you up with a one on one session alone. I'll start another one on May 31st. That's eight Sunday morning Zoom sessions at 10am Eastern time. Let me read you some things students have said about the workshop. One said, I was scared. I thought I was not good enough. And then all that disappeared on day one. Another said, you learn about yourself, improve your communication skills and connect with smart and caring people across the world. And another said the camaraderie was beautiful. Kevin's study of storytelling is deep, sharp observation and loving kindness. Oh my gosh, I love teaching these so much. Listen, I've also been reading to people this quote from the late great Alan Rickman recently. He said, the more we are governed by idiots and have no control over our destinies, the more we need to tell stories to each other about who we are, why we are, where we come from and what might be possible. That's what we're up to in my workshops. So email me at kevinrisk-show.com to learn more. Folks, today's the day. Take a risk.
- [49:42]
Larry Dorsey Jr.
Sa. He stands up and he pulls his dick out. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.