After Action Report #25

Summary

Savage Lovecast: After Action Report #25 (April 17, 2026)

Host: Dan Savage
Guest: Michael

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Savage Lovecast’s “After Action Report” series features an intimate and candid conversation between host Dan Savage and Michael, a self-described cis bisexual man in his late 40s. Michael discusses his recent journey into exploring sex with men after a lifetime of attraction, culminating in participation in a group masturbation Zoom call. The episode covers Michael’s motivations, the specifics of the event, the unexpected elements encountered (including unsettling ones), and broader themes about sexual openness, online privacy, and societal change.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Michael’s Coming Out and Late-Life Exploration

• Michael shares that while he has always been attracted to men, he did not act on these feelings until recently, after a breakup with a woman.
  • “I’ve been attracted to men my entire life, but I haven’t done anything about it until my late 40s.” (01:38, Michael)
• His first experiences with men were positive, despite initial awkwardness.
  • “A couple of awkward meetups, but in general, they’ve all been very good.” (02:50, Michael)

2. New Sexual Experience: Public Group Masturbation via Zoom

• Michael describes participating in a Zoom call with about 100 men, alongside a partner (“Gary”), where participants masturbated on camera.
  • “We masturbated in front of a zoom call of other men masturbating.” (03:05, Michael)
• The invitation came from Gary, who found the group via a Telegram public channel.
  • “They had listed a public platform for male gay masturbation, and we found it through there…” (04:48, Michael)
• There was an option for private breakout rooms for one-on-one or small group interactions.
  • “If you found someone that you found particularly attractive, you could do private conversations with them. And that’s where we did most of our hooking up…” (05:13, Michael)
• Michael was comfortable and open in his presentation on camera, including performing oral sex for the (virtual) group.
  • “I felt really good about being the subject of voyeurs…” (04:10, Michael)
• The “showing off” aspect was highly arousing for him.
  • “Showing off in front of people was very interesting… It kept me hard.” (06:21, Michael)

3. On Privacy, Stigma, and “Dirty Photo Silos”

• Dan Savage articulates a cultural shift towards “siloing” sexual content online—people generally don’t get punished as long as explicit material stays in designated ‘dirty’ spaces.
  • “As long as you’re hauling your dick out online in a place where people have self-selected to see dicks… you can get away with that now in a way that you couldn’t 20, 30 years ago…” (08:18, Dan)
• Michael reports feeling little concern about exposure or discovery.
  • “I’m not that concerned about screenshots or things like that. Maybe I should be, but I’m not. Me being open to the world is absolutely fine by me.” (07:00, Michael)

4. Surprising and Disturbing Elements: Drugs and Nazi Fetishism

• Michael notes a “surprising amount” of participants doing methamphetamine (“Tina” in the scene)—about 20%.
  • “There were a surprising amount of people doing methods. They called it Tina, but it was still meth… 20%.” (10:33-10:44, Michael)
• Dan strongly clarifies that this is not representative of most gay/bi men, expressing concern about chemsex prevalence and its dangers.
  • “20% of gay men do not do meth… It’s not healthy, it’s not good, it’s not sustainable, and it’s really dangerous.” (11:12, Dan)
• Even more distressing for Michael was seeing one or two percent of participants dressed as Nazis or displaying swastikas.
  • “There were… 1 or 2% of men… dressed as Nazis… it was so distressing.” (12:39-13:32, Michael)
  • Dan responds with horror: “Jesus fucking Christ, the Nazis.” (14:42, Dan)
• Michael avoided interaction with both groups but confronted a Nazi participant before being dissuaded.
  • “I typed into one of them and was told not to do it by Gary because he said that’s what they want.” (13:32, Michael)

5. Navigating Community and Boundaries

• Michael and Gary deliberately chose private interactions and avoided problematic participants.
  • “We always chose away from the meth heads.” (12:25, Michael)
  • “Anytime we saw somebody dressed like that or with a flag in the background… I left rooms.” (14:05, Michael)
• When asked about moderation, Michael admits he didn’t seek out whoever was running the Zoom to request removal of Nazi participants and expresses some regret for this.
  • “Maybe I should have found that person and I feel dumb for not trying.” (15:02, Michael)

6. Reflections on Openness and Relationships

• Michael shares that he has always been open about his bisexuality with women he dated, even in monogamous relationships, and received support.
  • “Even when we were monogamous, they knew that I was sexually attracted to men. And me being open to the world is absolutely fine by me.” (07:00, Michael)
  • “More bi guys need to hear that that’s possible… that you can be out and bi to a woman and have her support.” (15:51, Dan)

7. Repeat Participation and Positive Takeaway

• Michael confirms he’s participated in more such events, always with Gary.
  • “Have you done this again? I have… It was with Gary.” (16:35-16:38, Michael)
• Despite the disturbing elements, he describes the overall experience as “very positive.”
  • “The whole thing was very positive. The mutual masturbation… was a lot of fun. Oral in front of a group of people was very rewarding because I’m really into pleasure.” (15:23, Michael)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I’ve been attracted to men my entire life, but I haven’t done anything about it until my late 40s.” (01:38, Michael)
• “Oral for the people.” (04:06, Michael)
  Dan jokes: “The people united in orally pleasuring each other will never be defeated.” (05:28, Dan)
• “Showing off in front of people… kept me hard.” (06:21, Michael)
• “[About privacy]…as long as you’re not Jeffrey Toobin hauling your dick out during a work meeting… you can get away with that now in a way that you couldn’t 20, 30 years ago…” (08:18, Dan)
• “There were a surprising amount… 20% [doing meth].” (10:44, Michael)
• “Jesus fucking Christ, the Nazis.” (14:42, Dan)
• “Nazis, meth heads… but you enjoyed sucking dick.” (15:09, Dan)
• “We all need a Gary in our lives.” (16:47, Dan)
• “Here’s to a future of online Zoom masturbation hangouts that are meth head and Nazi free.” (17:16, Dan)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:13–03:00 — Michael introduces himself and his late-in-life exploration of bisexuality
• 03:05–05:10 — Description of the Zoom group experience and technical setup
• 06:21–06:54 — Michael describes the appeal of showing off, being seen
• 07:36–09:46 — Dan discusses online sexual silos and shifting cultural attitudes
• 10:16–12:29 — Encounters with meth use among participants; discussion of drug use and community
• 12:33–14:34 — Discovery of Nazi fetishists; reactions and attempted confrontation
• 15:23–16:26 — Michael’s positive takeaways and reflections on bisexual openness in relationships
• 16:35–17:23 — Confirmation of repeat participation and episode wrap-up

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Summary

This episode highlights the sex-positive, nonjudgmental approach Dan Savage brings to conversations about sexuality, while not shying away from complex or disturbing aspects of online sexual spaces. Michael’s story is both a testament to the possibility of self-acceptance and sexual exploration later in life, and a look at the wild, diverse, sometimes troubling realities of digitally mediated group sex. Dan’s commentary places these phenomena within a broader social context, balancing humor with sincere concern and insight.

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Transcript

[A]

This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health. Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume and the overall health of your semen. If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unforgettable? Made in the USA NSF certified and produced in an FDA registered facility. Thousands of guys across 50 states and 45 countries swear by loadboost. If you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences. If you want better taste, better mouthfeel, go to loadboost.com today and use code savage for 10% off. Or click the link in this week's episode description. That's loadboost.com and use offer Code Savage. You're listening to After Action Report at Savage Lo. After Action Report. Welcome to After Action Report, where I talk with my most sexually adventurous listeners about their newest sexual adventures. This week we meet Michael, whose story takes some twists and turns. Michael, welcome to After Action Report.

[B]

Great. Thank you for having me.

[A]

Thank you for being here. Thank you for being had. Before we get to what you did, the new thing you tried, tell us a little bit about yourself. Who is Michael?

[B]

I'm a cis bi male. I'm in my late 40s and this is all very new to me.

[A]

Not the cisness of it. It sounds like you've been CIS for a while.

[B]

Is the bi ness new to you?

[A]

What's new to you? Being on a podcast. Being bi.

[B]

Oh, the podcast part, definitely. But being bi, or rather, acting on it. I've been attracted to men my entire life, but I haven't done anything about it until my late 40s.

[A]

What inspired you to finally do something about your attraction to men?

[B]

I had a woman break my heart. Aw, yeah. Thank you.

[A]

Welcome to man on man action. No man has ever broken another man's heart. It's just impossible. You're safe now. You're safe from broken hearts.

[B]

I'm glad to hear that. But yeah. So a female male relationship ended and I thought I would try other things. So I've hooked up with a couple of men now and I've thoroughly enjoyed it.

[A]

I'm glad to hear it. I'm glad it went well. I'm glad you weren't just. Some people believe they're bi, recognize that people of the same sex are attractive, and then sometimes decades after accepting that they're bi, they finally act on it and they're like, oh, wait, no, not for me. That was a good hypothetical, but not good. Not a good practice. But I'm Glad it worked out for you in practice, too. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Did.

[B]

Yes. A couple of awkward meetups, but in general, they've all been very good.

[A]

I am glad to hear it. So what is besides dick, besides men? What is the new thing that you tried that you wanted to talk with me about on After Action Report?

[B]

Well, I met up with a man, and we masturbated in front of a zoom call of other men masturbating.

[A]

Okay. How did you find your way to this particular zoom call? Or was it just a Jeffrey Toobin situation where you hijacked a work meeting and pulled your dicks out?

[B]

So let's call this other man Gary. That's my cat's name. But Gary invited me over, and on his computer, he had found a zoom call, which he had done in the past, but I had not. That consisted of around 100 different people, and they were all masturbating in front of the camera. Some zoom video had multiple people like us. So the two of us got naked and masturbated in front of the camera, and we did other things. I performed oral for the people online.

[A]

Oral for the people. Oral for the people.

[B]

That's right, exactly. And I felt really good about being the subject of voyeurs. But it was interesting because there were a couple of weird things that I saw online that.

[A]

Before we get to the weird things. Yes.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

So like websites like chatterbait, there have been sort of websites for people to go on and jack off with other people. Was this like a chatterbait platform or was this like a private zoom call that somebody set up that Gary knew about and got an invite to?

[B]

It wasn't private. It was found via telegram. They had listed a public platform for male gay masturbation, and we've found it through there. And just multiple people looking at multiple people.

[A]

Could you highlight in a particular person that you wanted?

[B]

You could, yes, which was great. If you found someone that you found particularly attractive, you could do private conversations with them. And that's where we did most of our hooking up, was in these private conversation rooms.

[A]

And when you say that, you blew Gary for the people, the people united in orally pleasuring each other will never be defeated. When you did oral for the people, performed oral for the people on Gary, did you show your face? A lot of these chatterbait sites are just like dicks and torsos and not a lot of faces. But if you were showing the oral, you were showing your face. You felt comfortable enough being seen yes,

[B]

I'm very comfortable with my bi ness and I'm very comfortable with being naked on camera. I'm not a porn star by any means, but I was very happy to give oral with my face showing.

[A]

You are a very good looking man. Don't run yourself down.

[B]

Aw, thank you so much, Dan.

[A]

The people who got to see you with a dick in your mouth, they won. So how was the experience overall? What was interesting about it?

[B]

It was great. It was showing off in front of people was very interesting. Masturbating next to someone was extremely satisfying. And being able to do oral in front of a large group of people felt very sexy to me. The showing off part was just. It kept me hard.

[A]

You liked being seen?

[B]

I did, yes.

[A]

And you weren't worried about screenshots and you're not a US Senator so far as I know.

[B]

No, no, I'm not. You can tell by the lack of a tie. But no, I'm not that concerned about screenshots or things like that. Maybe I should be, but I'm not. It basically comes down to me being very open to my girlfriends in the past who knew I was bi. Even when we were monogamous, they knew that I was sexually attracted to men. And me being open to the world is absolutely fine by me.

[A]

I have a theory, an emerging theory, that like almost everybody has some dirty pics online, some pics they shared privately, that they can't know if they haven't wound up being hacked or being shared without their knowledge. And I just feel like there's this emerging kind of unspoken, subconscious cultural consensus that so long as the dirty stuff you're doing online is in a dirty stuff silo online, so long as you're not Jeffrey Toobin hauling your dick out during a work meeting, as long as you're hauling your dick out online in a place where people have self selected to see dicks, and you made that effort to keep your professional and sort of public facing Instagram self public from who you might be sexually online, that you won't be punished, that the reaction won't be punitive because anybody who drags your dirty photos from the dirty photo place to the not dirty photo place, they're the ones who made other people who didn't want to see your dick look at your dick. They're the ones who violated not quite your privacy because you are making these things publicly available, but violated the cultural compact around silos. And I just, I really wanted. I've said this before and I really said it again. I just think this silo thing. I'm sorry, I'm kind of sucking my own dick right now here. The silo thing is a little genius, because I really think this is what's happening, because I recently interviewed Colby Cox, who's a porn star, but also manages a bakery in a small town in Wisconsin, and everybody knows that he's got a porn career. And. And 20, 30 years ago, you would have been fired from that managing the bakery on the corner job if everybody at work found out that you also were a porn star on the side. But now people are like, cool, cool that you're a porn star on your own time. Be sure the bakery is running smoothly and we're turning a profit, and we're not going to have a problem. And so I think that's what you benefit from, that subconscious awareness that as long as you're siloing things correctly, your dick's in the dick place, your face is on Instagram, and your face is with your dick in your dick place. And you can get away with that now in a way that you couldn't 20, 30 years ago and feel safe doing that.

[B]

Yeah, I think you're absolutely right with that. I feel comfortable.

[A]

What I like to hear.

[B]

I feel comfortable in these situations. I've met up with him since having this first experience, and we did the same exact thing, and I felt just as comfortable as before.

[A]

So tell us about the people that you encountered. You got a glimpse into people's lives, into people's living rooms, bedrooms. What did you see?

[B]

Well, that's interesting. We saw a lot of people just naked in front of the camera, masturbating. But there were a surprising amount of people doing methods. They called it Tina, but it was still meth.

[A]

Yeah, it's meth.

[B]

Yeah. And there was a surprising amount.

[A]

You're gonna try to put a percent. You say surprising amount? Like half, 10%? No, no, no.

[B]

I would say 20. 20%.

[A]

20%. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

It's a big number. And they seemed of right minds, but they were high as shit.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You came to the Zoom Jack off party without having to disinhibit because you were not inhibited about it. You were comfortable in your own skin, comfortable with a dick in your mouth, comfortable showing off. I'm sure there are people who can only get there if they disinhibit with an assist from drugs or alcohol, because they want to be there, but they struggle with shame, and they have to rely on the disinhibiting effects of something like meth or they're on a bender. I do want to jump in here to say 20% of gay men do not do meth. That this is not a representative sample of gay and BI Men. The 20% on this 1000 person Zoom call. There's a lot of gay guys out there who do chemsex and party drugs. And I feel like it's not healthy, it's not good, it's not sustainable, and it's really dangerous. Watched people destroy themselves with math. So this is your Nancy Reagan, just say no to math, say yes to pot, say no to math message, kids. But that is distressing. I would be distressed by that. I would probably. I would probably lose my boner. Not that I could. I'm not comfortable being naked in front of a camera. But, like, if I were. I think if, like every fifth guy I encountered was high as fuck on meth and firing up a pipe, I would probably ghost often leave.

[B]

Well, one thing should be noted is that we spent most of our time on private conversations with people.

[A]

And we always chose away from the meth heads. Yeah. Yes.

[B]

We always chose the non meth head.

[A]

Anything else?

[B]

Yeah, More distressing than that.

[A]

Wait, more distressing than mess.

[B]

Yes, definitely. There were a. Again, surprising amount. Nowhere near 20%. More like 1 or 2% of men were dressed as Nazis. They either had swastikas in the background or they were full in uniform and what the fuck? Exactly. It was so distressing. I typed into one of them and was told not to do it by Gary because he said that's what they want and that is what they wanted. But I couldn't deal with it. Like, I had us change rooms until we found another idiot. And then we would change rooms again. But they existed and they.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah, it's a thing.

[A]

Besides the heads and the Nazis. Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

[B]

Well, my head hurts a little bit.

[A]

That is so distressing. And nobody that you confronted, you confronted a few people?

[B]

I confronted one and say I just got.

[A]

I'm in rehearsals for Sound of Music. I'm backstage during intermission. No, I'm a fucking goddamn Nazi who wants to jack off in front of other men.

[B]

Gabby left the room before we got a response from him because he said, this is what they want. Let's not give it to them. But how do you not say something to someone dressed as a Nazi? It was so distressing. And we left rooms and any. I left rooms. Anytime we saw somebody dressed like that or with a flag in the background.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I support that. Was there Nobody with the power to like bounce anybody from this zoom meeting.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

I would hope there was somebody whoever, like called the zoom meeting curated. There's a. You have an ability. I do zoom meetings myself. You have inability to kick somebody off. I would try to find that person and ask them why they're not kicking off. Maybe not like the meth heads can stay, but Jesus fucking Christ, the Nazis.

[B]

Looking back at it, maybe I should have found that person and I feel dumb for not trying.

[A]

Okay, so Nazis, meth heads, but you enjoyed sucking dick. You enjoyed having private conversations and private interactions with people that weren't smoking meth and weren't fucking Nazis. Yeah. So it was a positive experience, Nazis and meth heads notwithstanding.

[B]

Yeah, the whole thing was very positive. The mutual masturbation, masturbating next to somebody was a lot of fun. Oral in front of a group of people was very rewarding because I'm really into pleasure. I'm a bottom, so that. And oral. Me giving those is very pleasurable.

[A]

Well, I'm glad to hear it. I'm also glad to hear that you've been able, even when you hadn't ever been sexually active with men, that you were able to be out to the women that you were with and that you were received by them positively and if not allowed to fuck around, that these were monogamous relationships, you were at least not shamed or closeted in your opposite sex relationships. And more bi guys need to hear that that's possible for them. It definitely isn't mean you have to act on the being bi if you're in a monogamous relationship, but you can be out and by to a woman and have her support and not have to hide.

[B]

I had support from several women, so I think it's definitely possible for other men.

[A]

So, Michael, would you do this again? Have you done this again?

[B]

I have done this again.

[A]

On your own or with Gary?

[B]

It was with Gary.

[A]

It all goes back to Gary. Gary is the root of all zoom masturbation.

[B]

He is, yes.

[A]

We all need a Gary in our lives. Michael. We've got a little over time, so I have to say goodbye, but thank you so much for sharing this experience.

[B]

Oh, thank you for listening.

[A]

My pleasure, My pleasure. I'm sorry. I mean, I enjoyed listening, I enjoyed chatting with you. I was sorry to have to listen to meth heads and Nazis. 20% and 1, 2%. Too high a percentage in both cases if you ask me. But I'm glad it was a positive experience. And here's to a future of online zoom masturbation hangouts that are meth head and Nazi free that are curated zoom hangouts.

[B]

Great. Thank you very much.

[A]

Thanks Michael. Thank you. Michael. If you stepped through the sexual looking glass or climbed through the back of the wardrobe or fell down the rabbit hole and you came back with a great story to tell about a new sexual adventure, write it down and send it to us at Qavage Love. And you might be my next guest on on this show. We will be back next week with an all new After Action Report. After Action Report. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health. Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume and the overall health of your semen. If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unforgettable? Made in the USA. NSF certified and produced in an FDA registered facility that is. Thousands of guys across 50 states and 45 countries swear by LoadBoost. If you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences. If you want better taste, better mouthfeel, go to loadboost.com today and use code savage for 10% off. Or click the link in this week's episode description. That's loadboost.com and use offer Code Savage.