After Action Report #28

Summary

Savage Lovecast – After Action Report #28 (May 8, 2026)

Main Theme & Episode Overview

In this “After Action Report” segment, host Dan Savage welcomes August, a self-described middle-aged Midwestern dad, to candidly recount his experience trying a “happy ending” massage for the first time. The episode blends humor, frank sex talk, and practical advice in the Lovecast tradition. The conversation explores why August sought out this experience, how it unfolded, and what advice he’d offer to anyone curious about similar adventures—all with Dan’s trademark wit and insightful questioning.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest Introduction and Context

• August’s Background:
  • Middle-aged dad from the Midwest
  • In a long-term, “monogamish” relationship (open to certain experiences with partner’s knowledge)
  • (00:46)
• Dan’s Quip on the Midwest:
  • “Every interesting person on the coast is the product of a middle aged dad type living in the Midwest.” (00:53)

2. Motivation and Consent

• Why a Happy Ending Massage?

  • August explains the appeal: “I think it’s just the ease and convenience.” (02:00)
  • The idea initiated by online browsing; discussed openly with his partner
  • Part of ongoing exploration in their relationship—it wasn’t a secret nor a cause for jealousy
  • (01:08–01:56)

• Partner’s Perspective:

  • August’s partner was “fine with it” and familiar with physical contact outside the relationship due to their monogamish arrangement
  • Later, her main concern was: “make sure I don’t get arrested.” (08:09)

3. The Experience: Details and Impressions

• Setting the Scene:

  • Not in a sketchy area, but “very dark inside… the windows are all covered… wet laundry smell.” (03:38)
  • No intake forms or standard massage questions—just a straight cash transaction
  • (03:38–04:10)

• Process and Negotiation:

  • 40-minute back massage, then explicit, consensual negotiation for “full release”
  • Provider “well in her 30s”, did not match typical advertising (reassuring for August)
  • “She started asking how much the tip would be” before proceeding with the main event
  • “Once we agreed to her number, yes, it did get more enthusiastic.” (04:55)

• Level of Professionalism:

  • “She was a professional.” (05:49)
  • August felt some anxiety but found the provider’s professionalism reassuring

• Sleaziness as Part of the Appeal:

  • Dan asks if the “dark and dank” ambiance was a turn on
  • August: “That’s just part of the fun—having the skeeziness and the transgressiveness.” (06:21)

4. Honest Assessment

• Massage Quality:
  • “Pretty average as a massager, massage person.” (04:40)
• Orgasm Rating:
  • Dan: “How was the orgasm, rate it out of ten.”
    August: “It was a solid five and a half.” (06:28–06:32)
• Cost:
  • “All in, it was like 150 [dollars]… about half [was tip].” (06:42–06:48)
  • Dan’s take: “If the waiter jacked you off under the table, that’s a 100% tip right there for sure.” (06:58)

5. Advice for Other Curious Listeners

• Repeat Experience?

  • August: “Yes, I have. And I've found that these providers are not shy about negotiating their tips to what they want them to be.” (07:15)

• Tips for First-Timers:

  • Bring cash (“expecting not to come out with any cash”)
  • Treat providers “with respect…nicer than you’d treat a barista or a waiter”
  • “Tip generously.” (09:18)
  • Dan expands: Don't externalize guilt by treating people badly—be “as friendly and ingratiating and respectful and courteous as possible.” (09:36)

6. Cultural Observations (Dan's Reflections)

• Sex Work and Community Value:

  • “They are providing a service. They are service providers, and they should be compensated.” (07:49)
  • “A man with empty balls is probably a calmer driver than a frustrated pent-up dude is going to be.” (07:39)

• No Equivalent for Women:

  • Dan notes the lack of “rub, no tug” massage places for women and theorizes about demand and cultural differences (08:13–09:01)
  • August: “Well, that's what husbands are for.” (09:01)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dan Savage on Tipping Sex Workers:

  • “If the waiter jacked you off under the table, that’s a 100% tip right there for sure.” (06:58)

• August on the Appeal:

  • “That's just part of the fun, having the skeeziness and the transgressiveness.” (06:21)

• August’s Down-to-Earth Rating:

  • “It was a solid five and a half.” (06:32)

• Dan on Community Benefits:

  • “They do important work… a man with empty balls is probably a calmer driver than a frustrated pent up dude is going to be.” (07:24–07:39)

• August's Advice:

  • “Bring cash… treat the people with respect. The people that do this, they're nice people… tip generously.” (09:18)

• Dan on Conscience:

  • “Sometimes people will go into to do something like this and they will externalize their own internal conflict… you should be as friendly and ingratiating and respectful and courteous as possible. And you should tip at least 100%.” (09:36)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:46–01:56: August introduces himself, discusses motivations, and relationship dynamics
• 03:38–04:33: Description of the setting and transactional details
• 04:40–05:49: Review of massage quality and performance anxiety discussion
• 06:21: Sleaziness as a turn-on
• 06:32–06:48: Orgasm rating and discussion of costs
• 07:15–07:24: Repeat experience and negotiation on tips
• 09:18: August’s advice for listeners
• 09:36: Dan’s perspective on respect and internal conflict

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Flow and Tone

The tone is straightforward, candid, and laced with Dan Savage’s signature blend of humor and directness. The conversation is lighthearted but respectful both toward the realities of sex work and toward those who provide or seek out such services. August is earnest and down-to-earth, presenting his story as one of adult exploration rather than titillation or scandal.

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Summary Takeaways

• Sex work can be a consensual, negotiated, and even mundane transaction—respect and open communication are primary.
• If exploring these services, tip generously, bring cash, and be kind; don’t let guilt or shame influence your behavior.
• For some, the “sleaziness” and taboo aspect is part of the appeal.
• The cultural double standard in available services for men vs women is noted but left unresolved, with a gentle nudge toward thoughtful reflection.
• Dan’s final word: If you have a unique experience, share it for the chance to demystify sex—and keep the conversation real.

For listeners considering stepping outside their comfort zones, this episode delivers both practical advice and the reassurance that such adventures can be ethical, responsible, and even routine when approached with communication and respect.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to after action report at Savage Love. After Action report. Welcome to after action report, where my listeners, Savage Love cast listeners confide in me, the host of the Savage love cast, about a new sexual adventure that they went on. And you too. They're confiding in you too. They know we're recording this week. If you dare enter the twilight world of the middle aged midwestern dad. What do those guys get up to on their lunch hour? We're about to find out. Joining me for this after action report. August. August, how are you?

[B]

I'm great. How are you, Dan?

[A]

Really good. Thank you for being here. Before we get to the new thing that you tried, tell us a little bit about who you are.

[B]

I am a middle aged dad type living in the Midwest.

[A]

So many middle aged dad types living in the Midwest. What would we do without middle aged dad types living in the midwest? Every interesting person on the coast is the product of a middle aged dad type living in the Midwest. So, middle aged dad type August living in the Midwest, what is it that you tried? What was the new thing you did?

[B]

I went for a happy ending massage.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Where?

[B]

A spa near Mannhelm.

[A]

Okay, and whose idea was this? And was it. Are you partnered? Was it okay with your partner for you to visit a rub and tug massage place?

[B]

Yeah, it was something. I was looking online and led to some places where sex workers advertise. And I saw some ads for some massage places around me that offered, well, claimed to offer the service. And I talked about it with my partner. We've been doing the monogamish thing for a long time, so having contact with another person is sort of old hat to us. Something we've been doing for a while. And so this was just an opportunity to involve a sex worker.

[A]

And why? What was it about it that appealed to you?

[B]

That's a good question. I think it's just the ease and convenience.

[A]

It's something different, I guess we should have backing up. We should probably define what a rub and tug is for anybody out there who's been living under a rock. It's basically what in sex work land they call a massage with full release. It's a massage with a handjob at the end with a happy ending. Yes.

[B]

Although I seem to get the sense that there may have been more on the menu had I wanted to pursue that.

[A]

Okay, so were you concerned about going to a place the night it got raided by the cops? Were you concerned about the person giving you the handjob? Not necessarily being thrilled about their job being giving handjobs to middle aged midwestern dads. And if so, how did you control for that?

[B]

Well, I was concerned about that before I went in, but everything about it seemed very that she wanted to be there. The negotiation made it seem like this was a good opportunity for money making for her. Fortunately, she did not look like the AI generated 19 year olds that they use in their advertising. She was, I would say, well in her 30s, the provider. So there was, I was not worried that she was young or naive.

[A]

So possibly a middle aged midwestern mom.

[B]

She was not midwestern.

[A]

Okay, so, but making ends meet in the Midwest and possibly making ends meet

[B]

in the Midwest, middle aged, yes.

[A]

And who knows, possibly a mom. So tell us about it. Were you nervous when you walked in? Was it a sketchy part of town? Were there protesters in the parking lot set the scene?

[B]

Not really a sketchy part of town. You know, the places are open odd hours. I went in the middle of the day because I could. I walked in, it was very dark inside. I was not expecting that. There's, you know, the windows are all covered over. So it was very dark inside. Had a little bit of a weird smell to the place. A little bit of a like wet laundry smell. I would describe it as. And unlike any other massage that I've gotten, there were no intake forms to fill out. No one asked my name, no one asked where my trouble areas were. They just asked if I wanted a half hour or an hour. And I went for the hour, paid in cash. And then the therapist came in and gave me about a 40 minute back rub. I got completely naked and was under a small towel. And then she asked me to flip over massage on the front and asked me if she put her hands on my dick and said, do you want this massage too? And I said yeah. And then she started asking how much the tip would be.

[A]

Okay, so we know what she was there for. How was the massage? How was the back massage? Was it perfunctory or was she a good masseuse?

[B]

You know, I don't have a lot of experience in that area, but she seemed like pretty average as a massager, massage person.

[A]

And as you, when you told her about what the tip would be, did the dick massage get more enthusiastic once

[B]

we agreed to her number? Yes, it did get more enthusiastic.

[A]

I'm glad that she was able to advocate for herself in the moment during this transaction. So how was the handjob? How was the orgasm? I don't like other people to touch me except my husband. And my boyfriend down for that. I don't like to get massages. My husband loves to get massages. He goes to get a massage every couple of weeks. He thinks I'm tense and I would do well to get a massage. I just don't want somebody else to touch me. And I would worry that if I ever went someplace to get a happy ending massage, I would have performance anxiety and not be able to get hard for the masseuse. Did you have any anxieties going into this? Were you afraid that you wouldn't be able to fully appreciate the benefits of this massage?

[B]

I was a little nervous that that might happen. I am a middle aged dad as far as that goes. But she was a professional.

[A]

Did you find the circumstances arousing because, you know a place where the window's blacked out that smells a little mildewy. That describes a lot of sex clubs. And a lot of people really enjoy the ambiance of a sex club, which includes that it's a little sleazy and dark and dank. Was that a turn on for you, the skeeziness of the place that you were in, or was that something you had to close your eyes and pretend wasn't a part of it to get aroused?

[B]

Oh, I knew that would be part of the experience and I think that's just part of the fun, having the skeeziness and the transgressiveness.

[A]

All right, how was the orgasm rate? It went out of ten.

[B]

It was a solid five and a half.

[A]

And what did it cost you? What's the going rate for a rub and tug massage in the Midwest these days?

[B]

Oh, all in. It was like 150.

[A]

And how much of that was tip?

[B]

About half.

[A]

Good, good. I'm glad you tipped 100%. I think people who give hand jobs for a living should be tipped like crazy.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Yeah, no 20% tip. Like somebody might think, oh, it's a 20% tip. That's really generous. Like, no 20% tip, 25% tip. That's good for the waiter. If the waiter jacked you off under the table, that's 100% tip right there for sure. So have you done it again?

[B]

Yes, I have. And I've found that these providers are not shy about negotiating their tips to what they want them to be.

[A]

Nor should they be. They do important work and they do jobs that some people wouldn't want to do. And they provide a real benefit to the community. Like a man with empty balls is probably a calmer driver than a frustrated Pent up dude is going to be.

[B]

They're really doing the Lord's work, Dan.

[A]

They are providing a service. They are service providers, and they should be compensated for the service that they provide. I'm curious, when you got home, was your wife. Did your wife know it was happening at that moment?

[B]

No, she was traveling and did not know what was happening at the moment.

[A]

Did you tell her about it? Eventually, yeah. And what did she think?

[B]

She thought it sounded interesting. She told me, make sure I don't get arrested.

[A]

Yeah. Not getting arrested at a raid at a massage parlor in the Midwest is a good idea. That is something that a wife should urge her husband to do whether she knows he's going to rub and tug massage parlors or not. It's a shame that there aren't rub, no tugging, just rubbing massage places for women where there are hot, attractive dudes who can give them a nice, if perfunctory back massage, a decent back massage, and then rub, but not tug. You don't tug the clit. You tug the dick. You don't tug the clit. It's a shame. But there isn't demand. There is demand. If women went to places like the place you went to to be serviced by dudes, those places would exist. But women don't want to go.

[B]

Well, that's what husbands are for.

[A]

It is what good husbands are for. Attentive husbands are for. So I always ask everybody who's had this new experience, what would your advice be for someone who's curious about doing the thing that you did besides going in expecting to tip 100%?

[B]

Yes. Bring cash, Go in and expecting not to come out with any cash. Treat the people with respect. The people that do this, they're nice people. They're doing a job. Treat them with respect. Treat them nicer than you'd treat a barista or a waiter. And tip generously.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes people will go into to do something like this and they will externalize their own internal conflict about it. They'll feel a little bad about what they're doing. So they'll treat the people that they're doing it with a little contemptuously because they feel bad. And so they treat people badly that they're doing it with. And you shouldn't do that. You should be as friendly and ingratiating and respectful and courteous as possible. And you should tip at least 100%. Yes. August, thank you so much for coming on after Action Report. It was a blast chatting with you.

[B]

Thanks, Dan. Have a great day.

[A]

Thank you. August. You saw like a nice guy out there supporting the local economy.

[B]

You.

[A]

Yes, you listening to the sound of my voice right now? If you have a story to tell about a new sexual experience, jot it down while it's still fresh in your memory. Send the details to us at Qavage Love and you may be my next guest here on After Action Report. After Action Report this episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health. Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume and the overall health of of your semen. If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unforgettable? Made in the USA NSF. Certified and produced in an FDA registered facility. Thousands of guys across 50 states and 45 countries swear by LoadBoost. If you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences. If you want better taste, better mouthfeel, go to loadboost.com today and use code savage for 10% off. Or click the link in this week's episode description. That's loadboost.com and use offer Code Savage.