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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. Report at Savage Love. After Action Report.
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B
Welcome to After Action Report, where people share cool and amazing stories about new sexual experiences. This week I spoke with Ann, who wanted a pro, needed the help of a pro, needed the skills of a pro, but didn't think she could find the kind of pro she was looking for in her small town. Happily, Anne was wrong, which is why she's here to speak with me. Listen in joining me for this After Action Report. Anne. Anne, welcome to the show.
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A
Thanks, Dan. Thanks for having me. I'm thrilled to talk to you.
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B
Before we get to what it is that you did, what you tried, the new thing, tell us a little bit about who you are.
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A
I'm a 38 year old bisexual woman living in a very rural part of the Northeast. I'm in a happily open marriage and I'm exploring kink and bdsm.
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B
Okay, let's talk about open marriages for just a second because they're very much part of the cultural conversation at the moment. Was your marriage always open? And if not, whose idea was it to open?
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A
Was my idea. My partner and I got married five years ago and when we got married, we got married under the auspices of we're going to be monogam, but if that needs to change, then we're both gonna be open to that conversation. And my partner always knew that I was queer. He's a man. And always knew that I wanted to have more experiences with women. So a couple years into our marriage, I said, I wanna sleep with a woman. Do you wanna have a three way? He was not that into it and said. And so I said, how do you feel about me just going and exploring that on my own? And he said, great. And was so I've been dating mostly women and non binary people for the last couple years.
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B
So what was the new thing that you tried? What did you want to talk with us about today?
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A
I hired a rope top to tie me up professionally.
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B
Was it your first bondage experience?
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A
It was my first professional bondage experience with someone who knew what they were doing. I've been tied up by partners in the past, but it's always been like, I would say garden variety bondage, like tying my wrist behind my back, tying my legs to the bed, like kind of, you know, basic. But I was really interested in being like intricately tied up in an elaborate way.
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B
How long have you been interested in bondage? How long has bondage been a turn on for you?
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A
It's been a couple years and I, I sort of came into being interested in this subject In a maybe unconventional way, which is that I'm a painter and a lot of my work involves erotic imagery. So as a result of that, I consume and collect a lot of analog pornography, like books and magazines. And someone, a friend had gifted me a book of rope bondage a few years ago, and I was really compelled by the aesthetics of it, like the way it looked. And so, yeah, that's kind of how I got interested in it as a subject.
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B
It's interesting, you know, years ago, someone who wanted to be tied up just. It was enough to be tied to the bed with neckties. But because we've all seen now what bondage can be in the hands of somebody who's really skilled, a professional or not, but really elaborate bondage. Elaborate Shabari bondage, or being tied up by somebody who has a lot of gear that just being tied to the bed feels like. So junior varsity. Like, people want to have these bondage experiences that involve somebody with hundreds, if not thousands of hours of training, experience, practice, a shibari top who knows what they're doing, or somebody who has thousands of dollars worth of, you know, elaborate bondage gear. And that is harder to find than just, you know, a GGG partner who's willing to tie your hands behind your back and make out with you if you want to be ended in hemp rope bondage. If you don't know somebody who's a shibari pro, you're going to have to hire one. And you decided to hire one?
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A
Yes, I did. And I was really impressed that I could find someone in my little rural community who does that kind of work.
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B
Oh, my gosh. I'm so surprised. I just assumed when you said you live in a rural part of the Northeast, that you would have had to go to New York City or Boston or Chicago to have this experience. You found someone in your area?
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A
Yeah, I mean, the place where I live has a really strong and wonderful queer community. So I was like chatting with a friend of mine about how I wanted to have this experience. And they were like, oh, did you know that there's a bondage studio that's like a couple years old in this town? And I was like, no, I. Why would. News to me. So, yeah, so I found their website, I wrote to them and started a conversation with one of the artists there? And we had a nice back and forth. And so then I set up the session.
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B
I love that there are people that we can call them artists now because we used to just call them perverts, people who like tying other people up were just perverts. But it is artistry. Anybody who's seen really elaborate, really beautifully constructed shibari rope bondage, it is very much an art form and a practice. I know people who are really into it in a kind of woo woo way who talk about it the way some people talk about their yoga practice. But it kind of is a little woo woo in the best sense. It is a little spiritual and definitely artistic.
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A
It's beautiful. Yeah.
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B
Okay, so for the record, gonna point out that hiring somebody to tie you up is not sex work.
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A
Yeah.
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B
It's an arousing experience. It's not sex work technically.
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A
Right. And I wasn't really expecting to like have an orgasm or anything during the session. It was much more for me about like exploring and just seeing how I felt about the sensation. See what, seeing what I liked about it. And then also part of it was that the rope top offered to take pictures. So they took pictures of me. And so now I have those.
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B
Okay, so tell us about the moment you get there. Was it awkward? Like you've hired this person, you've talked with them online, you've swapped some emails, you're showing up at their bondage studio to get tied up. How do you go from like, hello, nice to meet you to this person is you're in a state of undress, I assume, if not fully nude and this person is tying you up. What was that transition like? What was that first meeting like?
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A
It was surprisingly not as awkward as I was expecting, I think because we had communicated so much ahead of time and they, their non binary person, they laid out what the session was going to look like, which is it was half an hour of negotiation, talking about what I wanted out of our time together. An hour of being tied and then half an hour of aftercare. And they were really thorough in terms of asking me questions about like my health, my needs around hydration, my circulation, if I get cold easily, like things like that. So I felt really safe. I did strip down to my underwear, but I wasn't completely nude and it felt really good. They like asked if I wanted to have music on. We put on some mellow music and I was surprised by how like meditative and like almost sweet the experience was. Like I felt very taken care of.
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B
Describe the bondage that you wound up in.
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A
They started with my wrists, which are erogenous zones for me, so that was special. And then they tied. So they tied my wrist together. They tied my arms to my torso. And then I don't, I don't know all of the names of the knots that they did, but they put me in, like, essentially kind of like a torso harness type situation. And then tied to my legs, like, tied my feet to my, you know, bent. Bent my legs at the knee and like, tied my ankles to my thighs and then did some suspension where they lifted me off the ground, like, lifted my ass off the ground. My, like, shoulders and the top of my torso were still touching the ground, but I was like kind of suspended there.
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B
And then what you just. How long did that take? And was the scene wasn't sexual? There was no sexual contact. Even if it was. And I wanted to ask you, was it arousing? Were you aroused?
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A
I was aroused, but I also. I wasn't super physically attracted to the top. So I think that I would have been more aroused if I had been, but I was aroused by the experience. I mean, I think, like I mentioned the word relaxing. I think what was a turn on for me about the experience was this feeling of disconnection from my body. Like, I think it. It almost. I think it's maybe what some people describe as, like, subspace where there's, you know, I'm sort of relieved of the feeling of have to control my body and I'm just like, I feel more like an object. And that was really pleasant for me. But yeah, I was aroused, but I wasn't like, worried about coming, if that makes sense.
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B
And the arc of the experience, doing this kind of elaborate rope bondage, it takes time to build that rope harness on someone. It takes time to do the suspension. And often it's meditative, but you don't spend that much time in the final position. It's getting you into it and getting you out of it. It's almost like this arc. Right. Was that true for you or were you left alone? I mean, never left alone. Not left alone in bondage. Never leave somebody alone in bondage. But were you given some time once you were in the completed bondage position to just sort of marinate in it a little bit?
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A
But it really. The process of getting me to the final position where I was like half suspended, really did take the full hour. And it was like, it was quite slow, but the time went by quickly. And so I had a little bit of time in the final pose where they took the most pictures of me, but it really was kind of a durational experience.
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B
All right, can I ask you how much it cost?
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A
It was $150. And then I tipped them another 40, I think, if I remember correctly.
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B
And would you do it again.
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A
Definitely. Yeah. I actually. I mean, I'd be interested in doing this again with someone that maybe I'm a little more physically attracted to or like, I don't know, maybe. Maybe trying to go out with someone who is a rope top is like a tall order in my part of the world. But that's like a fantasy I have. And then I'm also interested in learning how to tie, so I'd like to kind of just like, explore that as well.
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B
Don't ask me how I know this, but it can be hot to go with somebody that you're attracted to and get tied up together. Even if you're getting tied up together by somebody that you're not necessarily attracted to or they're not the sex or sexual orientation of a person that you're attracted to. Don't ask me how I know that, but I do know that to be true, that you and a partner can both, as bondage bottoms, have a hot experience together.
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A
I love that. That's a great idea. Yeah.
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B
Yeah. I've seen some elaborate shibari bondage poses that are two people tied up together who are clearly into each other. And there's something about that erotic tension of being so close to someone that you would like to touch or that you normally touch and unable to touch them.
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A
Hot.
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B
10 out of 10. 4 stars would recommend. All right, so any tips for people who haven't done this, who've always been interested in this kind of elaborate, artistic bondage and might want to try it? Any advice you might have for somebody thinking about doing what you did, seek out a pro.
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A
And like, for me, that just involved, like, googling, which was kind of surprising, how simple it was. But yeah. And I think the thing that made me feel really safe was, like, talking a lot with the person ahead of time. I mean, I know enough about bondage to know that if you do it wrong, it can be really dangerous. And so I wasn't worried about that at all. I felt like I was in good hands.
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B
Yeah. Doing something elaborate and complicated with somebody who's very experienced, even if you're not necessarily attracted to them or it's a transactional relationship, is safer than throwing a pile of rope at somebody who's never done it before and asking them to attempt it. That's dangerous.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And thank you so much for coming on after action report and sharing this experience. I hope there's more bondage than for you in your future.
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A
Thank you. I hope so, too. It was so nice to talk to you.
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B
Thank you. And if you you listening to me right now? If you have a story about a new sexual experience, whether it was good or bad, and you want to talk about it, let me know by writing it up and then sending it to Qavage Love. And you might be my next guest on After Action Report. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health. Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume and the overall health of your semen. If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unforgettable? Made in the USA NSF certified and produced in an FDA registered facility. Thousands of guys across 50 states and 45 countries swear by loadboost if you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences. If you want better taste, better mouthfeel, go to loadboost.com today and use code savage for 10% off or click the link in this week's episode description. That's loadboost.com and use offer Code Savage.