After Action Report #34

Summary

Savage Lovecast: After Action Report #34 (June 19, 2026)

Host: Dan Savage
Guest: Becca

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Episode Overview

This After Action Report episode explores what happens when a listener takes Dan Savage’s advice… and then purposefully does the opposite. Dan is joined by Becca, a late-30s cis bisexual woman living in Europe, who recounts her recent experiment with poppers during sex—a substance Dan has notably advised against for some women in the past. They discuss her motivations, the experience itself, and the surprising results, offering candid and nuanced reflections on sexual experimentation and pleasure.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing Becca ([00:38]–[01:09])

• Background:
  • Becca describes herself as a "late 30s, cis bi woman, living in Europe."
  • Originally from the U.S., she jokes about being glad to be watching American politics from afar.

2. The Decision to Try Poppers ([01:22]–[02:16])

• Inspiration:
  • Becca’s curiosity was piqued after hearing Dan advise a caller to avoid poppers for orgasm difficulties. Instead of following the advice, she purposefully tried the opposite: "I was actually inspired by some advice that you gave, but I decided to do the opposite." ([01:22], Becca)
  • She felt Dan’s reason for advising against poppers—muscle relaxation interfering with orgasm—sounded like it might help her instead.
• Rationale:
  • Becca sometimes finds herself so tense during sex and toy use that relaxation might help her orgasm.

"I heard that, and I thought, that sounds like exactly what I need." – Becca ([01:58])

3. Dan’s Advice on Poppers ([02:16]–[03:09])

• Dan recaps his typical advice: muscle tension is often essential for orgasm in people assigned female at birth; poppers relax those muscles, so he hypothesized it might be counterproductive for some women.
• He acknowledges that this comes from anecdotal evidence, not data:

  "No science, no data set, seemed to me that poppers might interfere..." – Dan ([02:51])

4. The First Poppers Experience ([03:37]–[05:45])

• Acquisition & Preparation:
  • Becca’s partner quickly sourced poppers online in Europe ("He went and sourced them without even consulting me." – Becca ([03:29]))
  • They knew the basics of safe use, but didn’t do extensive research.
  • Dan warns listeners not to drink poppers, sharing a recent safety PSA:

    "You’re just supposed to smell poppers and not for very long and not drink them. People have been hospitalized..." – Dan ([04:25])

• Setting the Scene:
  • Becca wanted to try poppers for “stuck moments” during sex, but their first use ended up being more about experimenting.
  • The initial sniff was so small it gave her a headache—a common first reaction per friends’ anecdotal reports.

5. Effects and Outcomes ([05:45]–[08:16])

• Impact on Orgasm:
  • Becca says the effects were “really interesting”—she feels there’s a spectrum to orgasms, and with poppers, she felt a distinct and satisfying release, even without squirting.
  • She describes suction toys as life-changing for her orgasms, leading to new experiences like squirting.
  • Though she didn’t squirt with poppers, her orgasm was still near the top:

    "Even though that didn’t happen, I felt that I finished... which is such a rarity. So that was pretty cool." – Becca ([06:35])

• Different Orgasms:
  • Becca reflects on the variety in her orgasms:

    "I feel like I have such a spectrum of what it feels like to succumb or orgasm. And, like, those aren't even always the same things, you know?" – Becca ([06:16])

  • Confirms suction toys led to her discovering squirting.

6. Squirting, Control, and Poppers ([07:37]–[09:19])

• Squirting Experiences:
  • Becca says she can’t always control when she squirts; it’s not guaranteed every time.
  • Dan relates that for some women, the lack of control (i.e., constantly squirting) can be a mixed blessing due to practicalities like changing sheets.
• Second Experience:
  • On another try, poppers helped Becca be relaxed enough to squirt onto her partner for the first time:

    "I wouldn’t say it necessarily got me to a really good orgasm, but it did get me to kind of tick off another thing I had been hoping for... to kind of squirt onto my partner." – Becca ([08:31])

7. The Mythos of Poppers and Disinhibition ([09:34]–[10:36])

• Dan references the way poppers are mythologized in porn, especially gay porn, as turning people into uninhibited "sluts."
• Asks if poppers made Becca less inhibited about squirting on her partner or noticeably changed her behavior.
• Becca says the effect was more physiological than psychological, though relaxation was key:

  "Everything’s gonna be easier for me when I’m really relaxed, you know, and so to be on top, I’m not very relaxed. So it’s a lot harder." – Becca ([10:23]) "And poppers helped you relax while you were on top?" – Dan
  "I think so." – Becca ([10:36])

8. Final Judgments & Reflections ([10:37]–[11:10])

• Rating the Experience:
  • Becca rates trying poppers as an 8/10 for something new, though not her “ultimate sexual experience.”
• Rating Ignoring Dan’s Advice:
  • She says it "worked out very well" to go against Dan’s advice in this case, giving it a 10/10 this time.
• Dan reaffirms his role as an advice columnist isn’t “binding arbitration” and encourages experimentation.

  "Like I always tell people, it's not binding arbitration. You're free to ignore what I had to say and try it your way." – Dan ([11:17])

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Notable Quotes

• “I heard that, and I thought, that sounds like exactly what I need.” – Becca ([01:58])
• “No science, no data set, seemed to me that poppers might interfere...” – Dan Savage ([02:51])
• “You’re just supposed to smell poppers and not for very long and not drink them. People have been hospitalized...” – Dan Savage ([04:25])
• “Even though that didn’t happen, I felt that I finished... which is such a rarity. So that was pretty cool.” – Becca ([06:35])
• “Everything’s gonna be easier for me when I’m really relaxed, you know, and so to be on top, I’m not very relaxed. So it’s a lot harder.” – Becca ([10:23])
• “Like I always tell people, it's not binding arbitration. You're free to ignore what I had to say and try it your way." – Dan ([11:17])

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Memorable Moments and Listener Value

• Becca uses the show as inspiration but intentionally subverts Dan’s standard advice, with unexpectedly positive results.
• Open discussion about myths vs. realities of poppers—particularly their reputation in queer and pornographic contexts—adds valuable nuance.
• Concrete, first-person sex-positive experimentation is at the heart of this conversation, with honest talk about how “the rules” may not apply to everyone.
• Safe-use PSA about poppers stands out as both practical and potentially crucial information.
• Dan’s closing words reinforce the core mission of Savage Lovecast—providing advice, but always empowering autonomy and personal discovery.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:38] Meet Becca – Who She Is
• [01:22] Why She Chose to Try Poppers & Refusing Advice
• [02:16] Dan’s Logic Against Poppers for Women’s Orgasm
• [03:37] Sourcing & Safety of Poppers; Important Warning
• [05:12] First Experience: Expectations and Initial Effects
• [06:15] Did Poppers Help With Orgasm? How Did It Feel?
• [07:37] Squirting: Control and Frequency
• [08:31] Second Experience: Squirting on Partner
• [09:34] Poppers, Porn Myths & Disinhibition
• [10:37] Final Ratings—Would She Recommend It?
• [11:17] Dan on the Value of Ignoring His Advice

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Final Thoughts

Becca’s candid after-action report provides a rare and honest perspective on trying poppers as a cis woman—challenging conventional wisdom, exploring how sexual pleasure is deeply individual, and celebrating sexual agency. Dan’s blend of curiosity, humility, and humor creates a supportive space for thinking outside the box. The episode underscores that sex advice is a starting point, not a prescription, and that safe, consensual experimentation is always worth celebrating.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. You're listening to After Action Report at Savage Love.

[B]

After Action Report. Welcome to After Action Report, where my listeners who've tried something new, tried something new in the bedroom, on the dining room table, in the playroom, the dungeon and the sex club call in and share the story of the new thing they tried and how it went this week. My guest is Becca, who dared to disregard my advice. What happened next may shock you. Hey, Becca, welcome to the show.

[A]

Hi. Thanks for having me.

[B]

So before we get to what you did, the new thing you tried, I always like to invite people to share just a little bit about themselves, whatever they're comfortable sharing so that listeners have an idea about the person and not just the activity. So, Becca, share?

[A]

Sure. Yeah. I'm late 30s, cis bi woman, living in Europe.

[B]

Lucky you.

[A]

Yeah, it's treated me well.

[B]

Where are you from roughly? Originally?

[A]

I'm from the U.S. yeah, from the

[B]

U.S. it's a good time to be away from the U.S. isn't it?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Watching it all burn from afar. Not that Europe isn't combustible itself. All right, so why did you want to come on After Action Report? What is it that you tried, you wanted to tell the people about?

[A]

So I was actually inspired by some advice that you gave, but I decided to do the opposite.

[B]

A wise course of action.

[A]

Yeah. So I tried poppers for the first time.

[B]

Wow. And what was it about the advice I gave that inspired you to do poppers? And how was it not taking my advice?

[A]

So what I remember was you were speaking with someone who was asking if maybe she take poppers when having sex with her husband because she was having a hard time, like, reaching orgasm with him. And from what I remember, the reason you gave was like, you should maybe avoid it because, like, when you're having sex, your muscles are like tensing and like, you need that, and the poppers work against that. And I heard that, and I thought, that sounds like exactly what I need, what you need.

[B]

So in my own defense, I want to say that I've spoken to so many women and people who are assigned female at birth about their orgasms and how they get there. And it often involves the tensing of certain muscles. Tensing of the thigh, like the lower abdomen. Poppers, of course, relax muscles. That's why people who love anal do poppers, because wax is the sphincter. Most importantly, all also induces a kind of state of euphoria and a little bit of a high. And a lot of people, a lot of men use poppers to relax the Sphincter and for that euphoric and temporary momentary high. But it seemed to me just no science, no data set, seemed to me that poppers might interfere with what I had been told is kind of the gradual progress of a woman along those plateaus on the way to orgasm.

[A]

But in your experience, not so essentially what I find is, like, sometimes if I've been like, using a toy for a while, that I am so tense that it's working against me and I can't untense. And so I thought, well, maybe this is worth trying. I mentioned it to my partner and he was very ready. He went and sourced them without even consulting me.

[B]

In Europe. Where do you get poppers in Europe?

[A]

Well, I know we got them online, but I don't really know where they're

[B]

readily available in Europe. Just joking. I have been places where poppers are readily available that are in Europe. So your partner got his hands on some poppers, hopefully good quality ones, not mystery meat video head cleaner poppers. And then did you know how to use them correctly? Did you look up tutorials on YouTube?

[A]

I can't say I was that responsible

[B]

because poppers come in these little brown bottles. And there have been cases recently where people saw those little brown bottles and thought they were like those five hour energy drinks you get in truck stops that you're supposed to knock them back like a shot and drink them. And that's a problem. Cause you're just supposed to smell poppers and not for very long and not drink them. And people have been hospitalized because they saw the little brown bottle and thought, oh, five hour energy poppers. I'm gonna pop this down my gut, into my gut, pop this down my throat. And people have been injured doing that. So I'm a little concerned that you got your hand on poppers, but you didn't have a coach.

[A]

Well, I generally knew how they worked and had some conversations around it, but I didn't go super into detail.

[B]

So set the scene. It's the first time you and your partner are gonna experiment with this notorious gay coded sex drug. Set the scene for us. Was it exciting the first time you're gonna do poppers? Like, what was the buildup? How did you fold them into the sex that you were having with your partner?

[A]

Yeah, I think, like, I wanted them particularly for these sort of stuck moments, but because I knew I was trying something new. We didn't really hit a stuck moment that time. But yeah, so it just like started with a. A small sniff to. To see how that felt. And Then tried a few more times as we were fooling around. And, like, the first one, I did such a small little sniff, and I got a bit of a headache, and I had a friend tell me something similar happened to her. So it seemed to be the trick was to go not too small.

[B]

You want to knock that headache out of your head with another hit of poppers. I guess that was always my problem with poppers. They would just instantly give me a headache. So I never really got into them. So you have had, in the past, tension which would derail you on the way to orgasm. Tension would get in the way of climaxing. Were you able to climax with an assist from poppers? And was there a noticeable difference? Did it make it noticeably easier for you to get off?

[A]

It was really interesting, actually. Like, I can't speak for everyone, but I feel like I have a such a spectrum of what it feels like to succumb or orgasm. And, like, those aren't even always the same things, you know? Until I had discovered these suction toys that I know have changed many people's lives, I had an entirely different experience with orgasm coming whenever I thought which one was. And one thing that I found really interesting when we tried the poppers was that I felt like without having, like, I kind of, like, squirting has become, like, the ultimate release. And I felt like even though that didn't happen, I felt like I finished. Like, I felt that, like, release at the end, which is such a rarity. So that was pretty cool.

[B]

So you had a really good orgasm. And it sounds like you have different kinds of orgasm based on the types of stimulation or sex play or the duration of the sex play.

[A]

Definitely.

[B]

And the kind of sex toy you're using. A vibrator does one thing, but these vibrating suction toys do another thing entirely.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And was it the suction toys that helped you begin to squirt or.

[A]

Yeah, definitely.

[B]

And this new superpower, squirting. Are you able to control when you squirt? Because I hear from some women who they squirt for the first time, and then they squirt every time. But that hasn't been your experience.

[A]

No.

[B]

That's good, because a lot of the women who learn to squirt and then can't stop squirting complain about having to change the sheets every single time they want to have an orgasm. So superpower that you have that you can decide when you want to have a squirting one and when you don't?

[A]

I guess, to some degree. Yeah. I feel like I generally don't have a lot of control.

[B]

So that first orgasm with poppers, it was an A plus orgasm.

[A]

It was like not the ultimate, but it was like pretty, pretty good. It was like, because I didn't squirt. And so squirting is kind of the ultimate, but it was like pretty close to the top.

[B]

So have you used poppers again?

[A]

Yeah, so I did hit that like kind of stuck moment. I. I wouldn't say it necessarily got me to a really good orgasm, but it did get me to kind of tick off another thing I had been hoping for, which was share to kind of squirt onto my partner.

[B]

Oh, well, that's what partners are there for. They are for squirting on. Partners should be diving under the squirt in my opinion. When the squirt happens, male or female, it sounds like poppers were fun. It was a bit of an adventure, but they're not something that you're going to be doing all the time. It wasn't such an aid to you getting past that point of tension that you're going to have a bottle of poppers on the nightstand forever.

[A]

I mean, I don't know, I feel like it's still kind of early to know, but I do feel like, I feel like I had two pretty distinct new experiences with it and that that's worth trying again and seeing where it goes.

[B]

So poppers also. Oh my God, there's so much porn out there. Where paupers make people like the gay porn tropes as paupers turn you into a desperate, cum hungry slut. And was that true of the second time that you did it? That. Did poppers have a disinhibiting effect that squirting on your partner? That was new and different. You hadn't done that before, but you'd squirted before. Did you have a hang up about squirting on your partner? Were you subconscious about squirting on your partner and poppers helped you turn into power slut where you didn't care where the squirt landed? What did they do that second time?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know, but I think it was physiological more than, well, mental, I guess. It's always mental. Like it was something I wanted. I didn't feel hung up about it at all. But like, I just, I tend to like, it's. Everything's gonna be easier for me when I'm really relaxed, you know, and so to be on top, I'm not very relaxed. So it's a lot harder.

[B]

And poppers helped you Relax while you were on top?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

All right, so poppers rating on a scale of 1 to 10, this new experience, what number would you put on it?

[A]

As far, like, it's not like the ultimate sexual experience I've ever had, but I think as far as, like, whether it's worth a new a try, I'd say like an eight.

[B]

Okay. And listening to my advice and then doing the opposite, scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate it?

[A]

Generally, I wouldn't necessarily rate it very high, but in this case, it worked out very well for me.

[B]

This case, it's definitely a 10.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Becca, thank you so much for coming on after Action Report. It was a pleasure chatting with you.

[A]

Yeah, thank you. It's been really fun.

[B]

And thank you for not taking my advice. Like I always tell people, it's not binding arbitration. You're free to ignore what I had to say and try it your way. And I'm glad that you tried it your way with the poppers.

[A]

Yeah, thanks. Me too.

[B]

Thank you, Becca. If you have something new you tried and you want to tell the world all about it, write it up. So send it to us at Qavage Love, and you might be my next guest on After Action Report. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Load Boost by VB Health. Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, the volume, and the overall health of your semen. If you're already putting in the work, why not make your performance unforgettable? Made in the USA NSF. Certified and produced in an FDA registered facility that is. Thousands of guys across 50 states and 45 countries swear by LoadBoost. If you want bigger finishes and better reviews from your audiences, if you want better taste, better mouthfeel, go to loadboost.com today and use code savage for 10% off. Or click the link in this week's episode description. That's loadboost.com and use offer Code Savage.