Savage Lovecast Episode 1014 (April 14, 2026)
Host: Dan Savage

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dan Savage dives into sex scandals in politics, exposes hypocrisy, and delivers his signature advice on listener questions spanning everything from cologne etiquette and DS relationship dynamics to post-baby libido and trauma recovery. With trademark wit, political commentary, and GGG (good, giving, and game) wisdom, Dan offers guidance on maintaining sexual authenticity, honest communication, and establishing healthy boundaries.

Main Themes & Key Discussion Points

1. Sex Scandal Commentary & Political Hypocrisy

[00:08 – 07:48]

• Dan opens with a discussion of recent sex scandals involving both Republican and Democratic figures, namely Kristi Noem and Eric Swalwell.
• He underscores the difference in consequences for sex scandals between parties, highlighting GOP hypocrisy, the importance of accountability, and the existence of actual victims in some scandals, which he finds far less “entertaining.”
• Quote:
  "If norms aren’t norms on both sides, then norms are for suckers. But on this, on sexual harassment, sexual assault, I’m good with Dems holding ourselves...to higher standards." (07:05)
• Dan admits his bias: enjoying scandals for hypocrisy exposure, not when there are true victims.
• Memorable moment: Dan paraphrases Chicago musical: "They had it coming."

2. Listener Advice & Sex/Relationship Questions

a. Lesbian Enamored by a Straight Dad’s Cologne

Caller at [08:08], Dan responds at [09:44]

• Caller: A lesbian wants to find out which cologne a dad at her kid’s preschool wears to gift it to her wife, but feels awkward asking and worries it’ll seem like a come-on.
• Dan’s Advice:
  • Don’t ask the dad directly; approach his wife at a school event and say you’d never ask him because it would be weird, but are just curious because the scent is amazing.
  • The wife is a safe conduit, minimizing misinterpretation.
  • Quote:
    "Find the wife. Ask the wife." (11:09)

b. Gay Man Reuniting with Ex at a Wedding—Is He Overreacting to His Ex’s Honesty?

Caller at [11:14], Dan responds at [13:06]

• Caller: Reconnected and hooked up with his ex (Tom), only to learn Tom had hooked up with another guest the same day, and hadn’t told him.
• Dan’s Advice:
  • Tom told the other guy about the caller, but didn’t tell the caller about the other guy—Dan interprets this as Tom caring about the caller’s feelings.
  • Suggests the caller talk openly with Tom about expectations and trust.
  • Quote:
    "He didn’t tell you about the other guy because he cares what you think...Now you know. So your next phone call...should be calling Tom." (14:20)

c. Managing Conflicting Orders from Two Dommes

Caller at [16:34], Dan responds at [18:15]

• Caller: Non-monogamous, serves as a sub to two women, occasionally receives contradictory domme orders (e.g., orgasm denial vs. forced orgasm).
• Dan’s Advice:
  • Gamify the conflict—make being "forced" to disobey one master part of the agreed-upon play (e.g., pre-arranged punishments).
  • Open communication and negotiated dynamic is crucial.
  • Quote:
    “Obviously for the game, you should. So you should have a conversation with both where you talk about this position...and you agree to some punishment...” (18:42)

d. Is It Normal to Find Others Hot in Passing?

Caller at [23:10], Dan responds at [23:12]

• Asks if it’s normal to find oneself mentally remarking on people’s attractiveness throughout daily life.
• Dan’s Advice:
  • Absolutely normal—it's human nature.
  • Just keep responses internal in inappropriate contexts (e.g., workplace).
  • Memorable Anecdote: Dan’s years-long crush on a waiter he never let show, leading the waiter to think Dan disliked him.

e. Developing Sexuality after Childhood Abuse

Caller at [27:43], Dan responds at [30:13]

• Caller: Survivor of severe abuse, struggles to identify or access sexuality as an adult.
• Dan’s Support:
  • Acknowledges situation may be beyond his paygrade but encourages patience, therapy, and possibly exploring psychedelics-assisted therapy (MDMA, ketamine) under professional guidance.
  • Suggests exploring erotica/pornography and allowing for the possibility of being asexual.
  • Quote:
    “Whatever happens, whatever you find out...you should be very proud of yourself for what you’ve already done and what you’ve already accomplished.” (35:51)

f. Postpartum Loss of Libido—Will It Return?

Caller at [36:06], Dan responds at [36:44]

• Caller: Used to have high libido, one year after baby, feels like it’s “gone.” Wonders about medical solutions.
• Dan’s Advice:
  • Extend grace and patience—libido often rebounds, especially after the physically and emotionally demanding period following childbirth.
  • Warns against self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • Clarifies that Viagra is not for libido, but for physical arousal.
  • Quote:
    "Don’t tell yourself it’s not coming back. Tell yourself your libido hasn’t kicked back in yet. It will." (36:45)

g. Maintaining Intimate, ‘Platonic’ Male Friendships When Dating

Caller at [39:53], Dan responds at [42:39]

• Caller: Has close (sometimes formerly sexual) male friendships; worries future partners may not approve of cuddling/sleepovers with them.
• Dan’s Advice:
  • Clarifies “platonic” is not a spectrum—if you’re having sex, it’s not platonic.
  • Validates seeking partners who’re cool with those dynamics, but notes many people may not be.
  • Quote:
    “Platonic isn’t a spectrum, it’s binary.” (42:40)

h. Blowjob ‘Rules’ & Significant Other’s Authenticity

Caller asks for clarification around Dan’s infamous “do what you want once they’re coming” rule.

• Dan’s Response:
  • Acknowledges the emotional/visual aftermath matters.
  • Emphasizes honesty—wants his partner’s reaction to be authentic, not performative, for mutual satisfaction.
  • Quote:
    "But I want them to have, as I’ve had an authentic experience getting the blowjob, I want them to have the authentic experience and an honest experience of giving me that blowjob." (46:16)

3. Listener Feedback & Callbacks

[47:57 – 52:50]

• Listeners reply to past advice—e.g., on using wearable vibrators to enhance sex with a less-endowed/inexperienced partner, and the importance of warning someone if their sex tape was leaked without consent.
• Callback: Irish listener humorously notes, “If you’re giving a fuck, first get up earlier,” after running late to a marriage appointment due to heeding Dan’s ‘have sex before big events’ advice.
• Dan admits he was wrong in prior advice about informing someone if they appear in non-consensual porn (contradicting his past suggestion).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On political sex scandals:
  "Kristi Noem is and has always been an odious piece of shit...” (03:21)
• On partner honesty:
  “He didn’t tell you about the other guy because he cared what you thought.” (14:15)
• On DS dynamics:
  “You have negotiated DS dynamics with both of these partners and you should just gamify the position...” (18:23)
• On sexuality post-trauma:
  “You don't want the people who abused you…to rob you of the joy and the connection and the intimacy of sex as an adult.” (35:19)
• On libido after childbirth:
  “Your libido will return when you least expect it. It is going to sneak up on you and it is going to tackle you.” (38:57)
• On boyfriend and besties:
  “If you’re fucking someone, even just a little…that is not a platonic relationship.” (42:41)
• On authenticity during sex:
  “I want them to have…the authentic experience and honest experience giving me that blowjob.” (46:16)

Key Timestamps

• Sex scandal intro / political analysis: 00:08 – 07:48
• Lesbian asks about dad’s scent: 08:08 – 11:14
• Gay reunion/heartbreak at wedding: 11:14 – 13:06
• Conflicting domme orders: 16:34 – 18:15
• ‘Is it normal to find strangers hot?’: 23:10 – 23:12
• Healing sexual self after abuse: 27:43 – 36:04
• Post-baby lost libido: 36:04 – 39:53
• Male friends & future boyfriends: 39:53 – 42:39
• Blowjob etiquette & feelings: 46:00 – 47:57
• Listener feedback / closing calls: 47:57 – 52:50

Conclusion

Dan Savage’s episode 1014 covers current events, exposes unhealthy double standards, and deftly guides listeners through nuanced, sticky, and sometimes painful relationship and sexual territory. Listeners are reminded of the importance of honest communication, self-acceptance, and seeking partners who align with one’s needs—even if it means waiting for someone comfortable with a “friends with benefits” past, or being honest about libido and trauma recovery. Authenticity, compassion, and patience—bedrocks of good love and sex advice—shine throughout the show.