Emmy Mori (0:00)

Hello. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Saved Not Soft. What's going on, everyone? Hope everyone has had an amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing week. I've had a great week. God has been so good. As usual, we already know the zeal. Yeah, God's just so good through every circumstance. I've just. Honestly, a lot of my time with the Lord has been very intimate and sweet, and I've been praying that you guys have been experiencing the same thing as well. If you're not. If you do not know me. My name is Emmy Mori. I'm the host of Saved Not Soft, which is a podcast for those who are loved, seen, and heard by God and what it means to actually navigate what it actually means to be a Christian. I think whenever we come to Christ, we think that it's just a little stroll in the park and that it's easy, but it's hard. There's a lot of trials and tribulations and suffering that comes to being a Christian. And so how do you understand everything that God is calling you to do and endure if you don't know his word, if you don't. If you don't know how to go deeper into your prayer closet? All those things. So this podcast is accumulated to let you guys know they heard, seen, and left by God, but also how to navigate through culture and living in a world where God's grace and love is very much so needed. Amen. And I really just love what God is doing through this podcast because the season of what he's doing through this ministry is reconciling his bride back to him. And speaking as a bride and speaking as someone who is about to get married in a few months, which is absolutely insane to say out loud, like, girly pop. What? I'm a whole fiance. You see this wing? It's absolutely insane. But becoming an actual physical bride has taught me a lot about the reconciliation of God and how God wants to restore his bride. And not just anymore, but also anybody who's on the other side of the screen. He's looking to restore his relationship with you and becoming one with you. Like the Bible talks about how whenever we accept Jesus Christ as Lord, like, we're literally becoming one with him because there's a covenant that takes place, a covenant that's similar to the covenant of marriage. It's two flesh becoming one. Just like how whenever we say yes to Christ, it's two spirits coming one, and we get to be in perfection and in the full righteousness and justification of God simply because we accept him and we embrace what he did on the cross for us, and I think that's super important. I think sometimes we miss that and try to carry all these works and things on our own. When it's just meditation on the cross and it's accepting what Jesus Christ has already done doesn't give us an excuse to be iniquitive or to be in sin. Instead, it pushes us to the warm welcome of grace and of mercy which God offers. Amen. And as I have been in, like, my little bridal era, something that's been really fun because I feel like I teach a lot, you know, And I am gonna teach. I'm not saying I'm not teaching this episode, but just kind of give you guys where God has me right now is right now what's been really fun is doing all the, like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna freaking giggle because y'all like me being Mrs. Brookins by. By. That's, like, so crazy to me. So I'm ordering, like, cute little, like, veils and, like, hair clips and, like, attire and, like, pajamas and pillowcases and, like, socks and things that, like, say Mrs. Brookings on it. And that's just, like, really exciting. But. But this season of, like, leaving my old life and then coming into a new one is so surreal to me, because when I tell y'all I was single, of absolute single people, for a very long time, I absolutely mean it. I really want to talk about singleness today, and the episode name for today is Getting Ghosted. And what it's like to navigate your singleness season when you're experiencing rejection time after time after time, abandonment after abandonment, boy after boy, girl after girl. I don't know what it is. But, y'all, when I tell you I've been there, I've done that, I've seen and tasted the greener side of the grass. And I've wanted to definitely just, like, share about that, because when I tell you that I was probably the most single person I dated, obviously before Malik. Malik and I have been together for about a year and a half and, well, longer. A little bit longer than that, if you want to count in the talking stage. But we've been together for about a year and a half, and what we. Before Malik and before I met him, I didn't have a single boyfriend. I think, like, the only boyfriend I have, it didn't even feel real. It was, like, in 2020, and I had a boyfriend for a month. Like, that's not a real relationship. And I felt like I Forced him to ask me to be his. His girlfriend. It wasn't genuine nor intentional. It was just like a lot of weird situational dating and things that I went through. Even out of high school and whenever I was in middle school, I just felt like I had a lot of friends who had boyfriends, and it was like the people and girls around me always had the boys. But when it came to me, it just felt like I was never really getting attention from boys like that. And I believe, looking back, I now know that that was God's protection. But during the time, I felt like a lot of shame and I felt like no one wanted to pursue me and no one wanted to date. I think people saw me as attractive, but I didn't know that people valued me and wanted to experience my heart and see my character. And I didn't know that people liked my personality. So it was just like a lot of areas where I was really in shame and I felt not enough and unworthy because I wasn't getting that attention from boys. And so whenever I graduated high school, and I remember before I even talk about graduating high school, before I got into high school, I remember whenever I was in middle school, my friends would tell me, emmy, whenever you go to high school, you're gonna get a boyfriend just like that. You're so awesome, you're great, you're gorgeous and all these things. And I go to high school and nothing worked out. I tried talking to boys, and when I tell you I was trying to fulfill so much of my insecurities and just talking and dating men, that was a constant cycle. I was stuck in probably till about 2023, early end of 2022, and it was this constant cycle of putting my worth in hands of men who did not give a crap about me. And so I started to speak to more people after high school. I was in these, like, situationships, really elongated talking stages, which were absolutely exhausting. I think the talking stage is such a weird thing. I. I feel like I consider the talking stage dating, and I consider what people call dating in a relationship. So I would say that I've dated people, but I wasn't in a relationship with them to where they were like my boyfriend and I was their girlfriend, but I dated them like we had a romantic interest and I was dating, AKA talking to a whole bunch of people. The talking stage is absolutely tedious and exhausting. When I say it is absolutely draining to speak and give your all to a person for usually about two or three months, just for one person to leave you in the dirt and then you have to pick up all the pieces. That is probably one of the most exhausting trials I had to continuously go through through the early part of my 20s and through the late and through my late teens. It is so exhausting to find someone to be pursued by another person when everybody's just trying to figure out who the heck they are and what they're supposed to do. Because you'll talk to people and realize, oh, like this is a cool person. And relationships don't work out mostly for one reason, and it's because either one or both parties don't try enough. And whenever I was in like these situationships and, and a lot of these talking stages, I was always talking to the same types of men. Whether if they were like athletes or a part of some sort of college or looked a certain way, not even if they looked a certain way. They all had the same attributes. The number one attribute that was like a cycle in all these, like decoy relationships I was pursuing was being absolutely nonchalant and apathetic. I have no idea why a very intentional, sensitive woman would pursue a man who was completely nonchalant and apathetic. Nonchalant men in the world is probably one of the most aggravating people to work with, especially relationally. I had a lot of grace for people that, that I've spoken to and etc. But the moment that I messed up and the moment that a flaw came out of me, they were done. And it was so funny because I was putting up with all these boys, dummy stuff for all these months. But then the moment like an insecurity comes out. They're like, oh no, you're done. And I'm like, baby boy, I was putting up with all your stuff this whole time. But the moment something that just takes you off just a little bit comes out of me, you're done. And I started to learn about relationships is that they rarely fail if one person isn't willing to just pick up the pieces and accept that the other person is flawed. And I believe that God has instilled a grace inside of me because I want him Christian and I'm with him and I accept his gospel and who Jesus is. That I was able to carry a grace and a forgiveness into relationships that I was trying to pursue. Because let's be realistic, as I look back on some of my old relationships, these men were not pursuing me. I was being hyper masculine and hyper individualism in being a woman and trying to seek and fend and find for My own to where I was pursuing these men. So already I'm out of order. And two, most of these men were absolutely worldly and they just had. They just had a. What is it, a Bible scripture in their Instagram bio. And I'm like, oh, they're Christian. They were not Christian. These men were dogs that I was talking to. And God bless them and I wish nothing but the best for them. If any of them ever, you know, comes across any of this video, God bless you. I hope the Lord treats you well and that he's blessing you extremely in Jesus mighty name. Simultaneously, though, God allowed all of those situations to fail because my destiny partner was right around the corner, which is Malik Brookings. Hey, bae. So everything works out for a divine purpose. But as I look back on, like my situationships, I never had relationships. It was always like this constant cycle. And I realized I never really came on my podcast and talked about singleness and my struggles of being single because it was something that ruled almost the entirety of my life in a huge trial that I was going through time after time after time. And a part of that had to do with me in my own deliberate, deliberate delusion to pursue men who were not good for me. And I knew that by the grace of God. And then another part was tied to, like, cycles of fear and abandonment and neglect that I've experienced that was almost like attention grabbing and comfortable and familiar to where I kept going back to people who would just abuse and dispose me because a part of me was just used to that and grew up in that lifestyle. And so I say all this to say that when we talk about singleness and what it means to give your all to somebody and then they just totally leave you in the dirt. How do you navigate that as a Christian? And we're going to talk about that today. We're going to talk about singleness. We're going to talk about getting ghosted, being abandoned, being left behind when someone you put every everything in for doesn't put anything in for you. So we're going to talk about that today and then also the hope that Christ has for you and to let you know that you're never alone. You are going through a process and God is with you this whole entire time. So let's pray real quick and then we're going to get into it. Dear Heavenly Father, we just praise you, God. God, I thank you that you have brought me out of the disparities of, of trial and error, of my singleness season. And also God, that you show Me the fruit that's came from my singleness season. God, God, I thank you for every trial that you've brought my way that has sharpened me, Father. To the woman that I am today. God, I thank you for sharpening my testimony to share it with other women listening to this podcast in hopes for their husbands, their future partners, and those who are supposed to be beside them for the rest of their lives. God, God, I ask that this episode sparks hope. It sparks a new beginning. And God, it sparks an appreciation for the season that your daughters are in right now and even your sons. In Jesus. Mighty name, Father. God, I ask that you comfort the hearts of your children. That God, you let them know that they're never truly forsaken, that they are loved and adored by you, God. And I ask that as much as we have a desire to be loved by another person here on earth, God, I ask that you give a big bigger desire for us to pursue you and your presence and the fact that you are here and you will never leave. God. That God, our full trust shouldn't be a man, but it should be in the Father, which is you, God. So, God, help us put our trust in you, God, let your children know that this is not the. This is not a dark tunnel. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, Father. So I thank you that you have promised your children prosperity and goodness and faithfulness if we're just obedient to what you have to say, God. So, God, use me as my testimony to. To preach to these people. God. This is your podcast, not my. Your ministry, not mine. Just use me for the glory of you. I don't want any glorification. I don't want this podcast to be about Emmy. I want this podcast to be about God and how God has helped Emmy and how he could help other people all across the world with the same circumstance. So I love you and praise you in Jesus my name. Seal this prayer. Amen. So I talked a little bit about relationships that I went through. I think one of the ones that was very difficult for me in my late teens and early twenties was I was in a very toxic situationship for three years on and off with the same person that was draining the absolute life out of me. And I had a lot of compassion for this person. And I was very intentional in a lot of the areas where I was moving very wrongly and where I messed up was because I was so hurt of being abandoned and left and scarred by trauma. And I realized whenever I came out of the cycle of of these toxic relationships, I just kept getting in time after time after time. It was because I didn't have a boy problem. I had a neglection problem, and I had an abandonment problem. And people leaving me was normal to me. So I was almost comfortable with these situations and these toxic relationships because there was a part of my spirit and a part of my flesh that was familiar with that. And so in 2022, God gave me a vision at a worship night with circuit writers. I. I actually testified this and an episode called Let it Go. So if you want to watch that, you can. But I received a vision of God showing me that I had. I was basically in this home that was completely wrecked. So the dishes were all the way filled and they were dirty and dusty. The windows were broken, the lights were flickering, the floors were broken, the walls were punched like that. This house that I was in, it looked like an abandoned home. And in this home, there were all these men that I used to talk to, and they were taking up my space. And the Lord showed me through this vision. He said, emmy, this was always meant to be your secret space, but instead you made it your own prison because of all of these men that you've let in. And they all carry the same spirit of neglect, of abandonment, of. Of. Of narcissism, of selfishness and pride. And a huge part of me wanted to be loved, seen and heard to where I almost forced myself upon people who didn't even want me in the. And whenever I was single, I was like chasing after this validation and acceptance from man and didn't understand that God was the one who gave me that. That full identity and validation that I needed. And I was still a Christian struggling with this like a woman on fire for God, even having a whole podcast like going through this. And God was still trying to show me in each and every single area of how I needed to fully rely on him and maximize my singleness season. And so then after this. This encounter that I have with Jesus and he gives me this vision, I then start to just let go of everything. And God told me that he didn't want me to date anybody until he said that it was time. And so I didn't date anyone for almost a whole entire year. And it was very peaceful with God. I felt the peace of God surrounds me. It was. It wasn't a challenge. The. The only thing was that at first it was just kind of like, oh, like what do I do? So it resulted a lot of my time that I would have talking to boys to then Cultivate my time more into like scripture and spending time with community. So I was refocusing a lot of my attention in places where I am truly heard, seen, and loved by God and not by all these random boys on Instagram who live in different states that I'm probably never gonna meet in the first place. And so it was just a lot of that. And it was. And it was really peaceful with God to know that I was spending just some alone time with him and that through this season, he was going to provide just through him. And whenever God was ready to give me my husband, he was ready for it. And coming from a woman who didn't have a real relationship ever, the thought of like actually being in a healthy relationship right now, that's feels almost perfect, is not something I had on my 2023, 2024 bingo card. And let alone that I was getting married in 2025, that is not on the bingo card at either. So God can change your circumstance in a moment. And I just want to give. I just want to cultivate faith. And I want to let y'all know that the sooner you let it go, the sooner God can work. So the sooner you are to let go of the truth of the matter of fact that you're trying to be heard, seen, and loved by all these men and all these boys and seeking your validation and acceptance and attention by all these eyes of men who don't care about you in the first place. The sooner you let that go, the sooner God can maximize your singleness season. Because the truth of the matter is, is that this time you have right now as a single woman or as a single man. You will never get this time back in your entire life if you are called to marry somebody. So allow God to maximize your singleness season by sacrificing the attention that you want from man. And instead attention. Turn your attention towards what God wants to give you through this season. Because it's one season that you're only going to have. So embrace it. So when I. Whenever I let go, go of the. The. The wanting and the. The deep sulking and the empathizing with these men and people who truly never empathize with me or showed intentionality towards me, I saw God move tremendously in my life because I was no longer looking for acceptance from man, but acceptance from Christ. I love Galatians 1:10 because it says, am I now trying to seek approval from man? Because if I was trying to seek approval from. From man, that I would not be a true servant of Christ. And I understood that because I was idolizing all these relationships and trying to seek validation and all these men, that I was not being a true servant to God because my focus was on people rather than the one who created these people, which is God Almighty. Amen. And so after God took me out of the season of dating and dating and dating, I then had to kind of look at the spirit of abandon, admit in the eye and deal with that, because I think we could talk about being single and talking to people in. In how tedious and exhausting it is in the talking stage and going in and out of relationships and losing your trust, and you're talking to people and then they abandon you and they betray you and they tell you one thing or they're leading you on and they tell you, oh, well, I like you and you're so pretty. But then they don't want to build a future with you. And it's like, well, I thought you said you liked me. I think you said that I was pretty. I thought you said that, you know, you like every single attribute about me, but you don't want to date me. Makes no sense. And a lot of the times was because they were insecure or not confident, and they actually didn't know who they were. And instead of actually them dealing with that, they took it out on the person that was trying to pursue them. It's. It's so exhausting. And wait, before I. I just feel like the Lord wants me to talk about this. So one of the things before I go into this next topic of, like, abandonment and neglect and, like, discerning that and how God really took me through that route and in conquering them is one of the things that Malik did that meant a lot to me. In the beginning stages of us talking, because talking stages are exhausting. Me and Malik met as friends, so we weren't. We weren't, like, talking like, oh, I like you, you like me. In the beginning of us speaking to one another, it was very friendly. Malik and I's relationship was built off of a foundation of a friendship. What I loved about Malik the most when we first started talking, even though it wasn't romantic, is that three days in to me and Malik talking consecutively, he immediately communicated his intentions towards me. On the third day, he sent me a. A voicemail memo. And he said, hey, I know we've been talking for three days straight. And I know that, you know, God's not calling me today. He's not calling you today. And also, I just got out of a Relationship. I just want to let you know that I have no intentions to lead you on, and I have every intention to build a relationship with you. And then at the end, he says, but if something happens, it happens. Which is indicated to me that he likes me. But just. We just weren't going into a talking stage. But what I admired about Malik is that Malik was not trying to waste my time. And that was the first time somebody did that for me to where we were talking for three days straight, and he said, hey, I know what this looks like, and I'm going to tell you what it isn't. I'm looking to build a friendship with you. If a relationship comes out of it, cool. But this is my intentions right now, because I don't want to have any avenue to where I could possibly lead you on, even if it isn't my intention. And so a lot of men, like, fail to just address that. I think even women need to be better about asking those intentions when they're pursuing men, if they're kingdom or not. Even if you're in the world, I think you should ask for intentions. Like, what is your intentions of speaking to me? Do you want a friendship? Do you want to cultivate a friendship? Or are you looking to build something with me? Are you looking to date? What is it? And you don't have to go super deep. It's just kind of like, what is your goal? Are you ready for a relationship? Because if you're not, then we shouldn't talk and flirt and play with each other's feelings just to leave the other person in the dirt. And I think we would make a lot more mature decisions and we would be in a lot more mature relationships if people were just more honest and if people were just more confrontational towards what they really needed in the season, Because I think people have the desire to have a partner. But the truth of the matter is, is that, baby girl and baby boy, you are not ready for a relationship because you don't know who the heck you are. You're insecure, you have a lack of confidence, and you have no stability or providence for yourself. And your walk with God is right here. So I believe if we were a lot more honest with ourselves, we've had, we would have a lot more mature relationships, and we would have a lot more faster, cultivated relationships instead of wasting everybody's time. Because at the end of the day, not only are you playing that person, you're mostly yourself. Amen. And so whenever I got out of this stage of, hey, I'm going to try to pursue all these men. So this is before meeting Malik, but after cutting off all these people and getting out of this like dating stage and pursuing pure singleness with God, I had to look at the spirit of abandonment in the eye because I realized the reason as to why I was going to all these men was because there was a real legitimate hole in my spirit that wanted to be filled with attention and filled by seeing, being seen by other people. There was a loudness and an extra part of me that would go to extreme lengths just we heard seen in love by a man to where I didn't embrace that God heard love and saw me. And so my singleness season of just with God was me acknowledging that God loves and sees and cares about me. And what got in the way of that was the spirit of abandonment, neglection and betrayal at the core. And I've talked about this multitude of times on, on this podcast. Is that any of the Bible characters I relate to the most, it is my boy Joseph in the beginning of Genesis. What I love about the story of Joseph and why I relate to it to, to it so much is because I understand what it means to have the closest people to you who were called and made to you abandoned the love that they were supposed to exercise towards you and instead exercise betrayal and abandonment and tear off your clothes and throw you into a pit and sell you into a reality that you never signed up for and, and what you didn't believe God had for you. And even just like Joseph had a dream and out of the excitement of his dream, people were jealous and envy and they wanted, they wanted power for themselves and because of that they crushed his dream and instead wanted to gain a power and a self righteousness for themselves. And I've dealt with that spirit of abandonment, of false power and of neglection and betrayal. And it's probably one of the hardest things and one of the most pivotal areas where I would fall and feel all of the shame and guilt and neglection. And during this time, this is when I started to study the story of Joseph and got really deep into what happened. Where can I relate to this character and where do I see God through all of this? Because I think if, if someone were to just read the story of Joseph, they would think how the heck did God get the glory from this story? Joseph was the youngest of all of his brothers and he was favored by his father and he had a dream that God had given him. And whenever he expressed it onto his family, instead of his family embracing what God has told them, they instead threw him into a pit, threatened to kill him, but instead of killing, killing him, they threw him into slavery to the Egyptians. And then from that Joseph goes to Egypt, he's a slave for a number of years. He then gets wrongly accused of committing something that he didn't commit. Because the woman of the person he was serving, Potiphar, she had made an accusation towards Joseph that he had taken advantage of her when he didn't. And they threw him in jail of something that he didn't do. From that he had a dream about two people who are in the jail with him and whenever they left he said, have favor on me and what I've told you until Pharaoh to bring me out of this jail cell, they completely forgot about him. And then from that one day they were just like, oh yeah, there's this guy in the jail cell that gave us this dream. And he could probably help you, Pharaoh, with what you're going through right now. Then Pharaoh takes him out of there and it's just decades and decades and decades of Joseph being abandoned and neglected and left behind. He was left out. He was abandoned by his own family, he was abandoned by his co workers, the people that he was serving under, people who were called to help and support him. He was abandoned and completely neglected. And we look at him being in jail and going through slavery and all these things and we could see it as like, man, those, those are really harsh times. I believe simultaneously God used those moments for mercy. So Joseph wasn't carrying a wrath and an unforgiveness for what God was about to do next. And so Joseph spent a lot of time being in the presence of abandonment and neglect. And instead of leaning on his own understanding, he had to lean on the understanding of God. Why do you think God gave him the vision before he took him through the consequences and through the trials and tribulations like, like why do you think God gives us the vision before the bad stuff happens? It's because he has to give us an anchor to hold on to. There has to be something anchored into our faith. And God will often give us promises so whenever we go through our trials and tribulations, we could hold that promise close to us. And so Joseph was given a promise by God. And I wonder how many times throughout this story he's thinking, man, I don't know how God is going to show up for me in this instance. And so we see at the, at the end of the story there was a famine that broke out that was actually as to why Joseph got promoted a second in hand of all of Egypt Is because he was discerning from God how to take care of this famine and all these things. Because God was speaking to him through dreams. And through this famine, it brought his father and all of his brothers to the feet of Egypt to get resources. And that's when Joseph finally revealed himself. And his brothers were terrified because they'd known what they had done to him. And we go to the end of the story. And even though Joseph went through all these trials and tribulations, he's experienced abandonment, neglect, massive betrayal. He says, you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. And the biggest thing about rejection that we fail to realize Is that rejection is actually God's redirection. So when you get rejected from a man or from a woman or from a talking stage or a situationship, that rejection actually cultivates a redirection of where God's actually trying to push you. And because Joseph was abandoned and neglected and rejected by his own family, God used that to redirect him, to use him divinely for the purpose of God. And that's why whenever Joseph saw his brothers, he says, it's not you who has brought me here. It was the hands of God himself. And God used y'all to get me to a point to where I am now the second in command of all of Egypt. And to where I have. I've turned my pain into purpose. And I have overcome the spirit of abandonment and neglect and betrayal. Because God did exactly what he told me when I went, whenever I was a little boy, that I was going to rule and do all these things. And he had to take me through this to get me here. So there was rejoicing and a gladness that happened because Joseph understood that his struggle is exactly where his struggle took him, exactly where God needed him to go. And whenever we get rejected by somebody or we're rejected by the person we were talking to for months and putting all of our intentionality and thought and emotions into the moment. They reject you. Do not take it as, oh, they reject me. There's something wrong with me. I'm going to accept the spirit of abandonment and betrayal. Instead, take pleasure in it, because God is actually using that situation to show you that there's something better. If you thought that person that you were talking to was so good, Just imagine who God has called you to for your divine destiny partner. It's not going to be who this person Was it's going to be somebody better. If God has called you to marriage and he's not calling you to this person, it just means that he has someone better for you. So don't take it as, oh man, I got rejected and I'm never going to find everybody, anybody again, and I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. No, take it instead as God is redirecting me to my spouse. Because every time I go through a decoy, I'm getting closer to the real thing. And also another thing about relationships in the talking stages, before you find your true spouse, before God sends you your true, true destiny, partner, you will always come across a decoy. I believe that there's people who God presents to us who have the ability to be your partner, but because of disobedience and their inability to fulfill their, their duty or a job, to be a confiding partner, they drop the ball. And then that obligation and responsibility and in, I guess, role isn't offered to somebody, you else. And so I believe a lot of the men that I used to date had attributes that were really good, but they had a lot of attributes that were terrible. And I was meditating on so much of the good ones that I was just kind of excusing all these bad behaviors that were never, ever being accounted for. And so it's knowing, okay, God, what is the decoy and what is the real thing? Because God will always send the counter or not God, but the counterfeit will always be sent before God sends the real thing. I believe that God also allows that to happen because he wants to sharpen our discernment. Amen. And you could, you could figure out who is of God and who's just a decoy by just testing them by the fruits of the Spirit. Is this person bringing you closer to Christ? That's number one. Is this person bringing you closer to Christ or are they making you go straight further from Christ? Does this person cultivate the fruits of the Spirit? Do they serve? Are they a person who is worthy to lead you? If you're a man and you're speaking to a woman, is this, is, is this a woman who's willing to submit? Does this person, are, are they able to bounce back from really hard situations? What is the most traumatic thing that has happened to them and how do they combat it? Like, these are all things that you need to know as someone you're pursuing if you're looking for eternity with someone. Amen. And so I empathize with those who have Been abandoned and neglected. Especially like giving your all in relationships. Because I have been there. That used to be my testimony for a long time. And by the grace of God, because I embraced my singleness season, God brought me up and out of these atrocious abandoning cycles and brought me in to our relationship. That is so satisfying, y'all. When I tell you my relationship with Malika so satisfying. It's satisfying because it's by God, it's ordained by God. And it's satisfying because we're both obedient to the things of God. And when I was pursuing all these men, it was a one sided street to where I was just the one pursuing the things of God. The other person wasn't pursuing the things of God. It was just me. And I was trying to carry the torch. I was trying to lead them. And I had to die to that expectation of I'm not the leader. As someone who used to be a hyper masculine woman or as someone, as someone who used to be a hyper individual type of woman, I will be the first to tell you that you trying to play the leadership role and you trying to lead a man who was called to lead, you will never work out relationally. You cannot lead a man in a relationship. This is where becoming equally yoked becomes so, becomes so important. And I believe our culture kind of like emphasizes this like hyper feminism of like, oh, I need to lead and I need to be a girl boss and I got to do all these things in order to be important to where it's like you're robbing the role of the man. Like, I've never been able to be feminine in my entire life until I met Malik, because I met someone who was stronger than me. And what I didn't realize is that whenever I was dating all these past people, they were actually men that were emotionally and mentally a lot weaker than me. And so whenever I met Malik, man, Malik has an emotional and mental intelligence that is so admirable. And that was the first, that is and will be the only person and only man in my entire life. That, that is, that, that doesn't allow me to like override or conquer what he has to say. Like, Malik has never stooped down for a moment for me to override and try to take his role. When I tell you like, Malik has always stayed in a position to be the leader and to be the head, it's because I met somebody who was stronger than me. And I think, oh man, this is good. God just told me something I have to say. Okay, I Think man. God, hold on. God, give me grace and allow me. Father, Holy Spirit, I just ask that you help me to say this clearly because it needs to be said, Father. But let me say it with grace in Jesus mighty name. If we're being very honest, I believe that a lot of women who pursue these men actually intentionally pursue weaker men because there's a part of them that actually likes the power of being in charge. And I think that's a toxic trait of what this hyper feminism culture that we've been seeing in our generation is that you have to rise above and you have to be in charge and you have to tell the man what to do and, and screw this guy if he does that. And men suck if they do this. And it's actually cultivating the super toxic order, out of order, dysfunction of, of not allowing a man to step into the role that God has given them. And I believe that there's a pride that is, that is sulking into hearts of women because there's a real part of women that want to be in charge and that want to tell men what to do because they have been abandoned, they have been left, they have been neglected, they have been hurt, they have been traumatized. And instead of dealing with their trauma, they rather have a boy instead that they'd rather tell what to do. And so I think if we were honest as women and as speaking from someone who used to be a super hyper individual woman, the reason as to why I was super, I was super masculine in areas and while I was pursuing men that were supposed to pursue me was because I was angry and traumatized and because I was never I. And because I was never given a safe space to be feminine. And so that cults cultivates this really toxic trait of pursuing men in the wrong intentions because you want to feel a false sense sense of power. And I'm not just saying you. I'm saying I used to be here too. I used to be one of those women. I used to emotionally manipulate man. I used to emotionally manipulate men because I wanted a false sense of power because I was dealt with a whole bunch of trauma that was inflicted by other men. And so I think we have to die to this expectation that one, all men are bad and two, we have to let go of the traumas and the disparities that us women have gone through because of abandonment and because of neglect and because of what men have done and forgive them in hopes that God actually is equipping real men to love and steward and be a leader and we're not allowing men to step in those spaces. If we're taking those spaces from them, does that make sense? And so I empathize with those who have been abandoned and hurt because I've been there. And, and which is why I resonate with Joseph so much, is because he's been abandoned and neglected. But yet he understood that God used his situation to bring him out of something and into something much greater. And before I could ever empathize with Joseph and how he was abandoned, I first have to understand that Jesus empathized with my abandonment and being alone and being fearful and feeling like no one's going to step up and what it's like to actually be left. Hebrews 4:4 4, 14, 16 says, Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and grace to find, to help and find grace to help us in our time of need. And so Jesus emphasizes the fact that you have been abandoned and rejected by man, like he emphasizes it. And then he also empathizes with it. So not only does God recognize what you're going through, but God literally send the image of His Son to empathize with the fact that you've been abandoned and betrayed and neglected. And through that, because we know that Jesus empathizes with us, that allows us to come to the throne of God with more grace and more confidence and more mercy. Because we know that the problems that we're going through is not just singular and felt only exclusively by us alone, but we get to share an empathy with God because He has sent his one and only Son to go through the same exact struggles and sufferings that we're enduring right now. So go in confidence, knowing that when you come before the throne of God that he's empathizing in that same situation of your loneliness, of your singleness, of abandonment and betrayal that you're experiencing. And Jesus has been abandoned by people that he loved, whether it was friends or his disciples or let alone his own Father. And so I just kind of want to highlight where Jesus has been abandoned, where we could find our hearts in him, and where we could allow him to help us and him to be the one who sticks around and Empathizes and all the great things. And so when every time I get in a really tricky spot, I always go back to two places. I'll go back to the garden or I'll go back to the crucifixion. I was reading the crucifixion, and we get to the part in Mark, Mark 15:35, where it says, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me? And I read that verse and I actually asked the question, God, why did you forsake Jesus? Like, why did you do that? Because you didn't have to leave Jesus, but you did. But the Lord showed me. But yes, Emmy, I did have to leave Jesus. Because what happened in this moment is as Jesus is crying out on the cross to God, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me? He did exactly what John 3, 16, 17 says. He has endured all the sins of the entire world. For God so loved the world, he gave his one and only Son to take on the sins of the whole entire world. So the reason as to why God left Jesus in that moment was because Jesus was enduring all sin on the behalf of the entire world. And sin is what separates us from God. So Jesus had to endure. Jesus had to endure abandonment from God because that is the consequence of sin ultimately. And the reason as to why God allowed that to happen, it wasn't because God actually wanted to abandon Jesus, but because God had to abandon Jesus because of the sin of which he was enduring. And God understood the bigger picture of what was, of what was being carried out. God abandoned Jesus just for a moment, so he could never abandon us for all of eternity. Let me say that one more time. God left Jesus. God abandoned Jesus for one moment so he could be united with us for all of eternity. And so Jesus quite literally experienced the full abandonment of God. And the reason as to why Jesus went through and endured that suffering and pain is because Jesus understood that the cup of suffering that he took was for the greater good of God's creation and not just for Himself. Romans 5, 8. While we were still sinners, Christ still died for us. Even at the worst of your sin, God still died. God still sent his one only son to die for you. God doesn't forsake you for your sin because Jesus was already forsaken. If you embrace the cross, if you embrace what Jesus has done for you, God will not forsake you. It reminds me of what he was telling Joshua as he's. As God is instructing him to carry the Israelites into the promised land. He tells Joshua. He says. He says, do not be afraid. I will not forsake you. I will not abandon you. Instead, meditate on my word day and night. It's knowing that when you stay in the heart of the Father, he will not leave you or forsake you. And God will not leave you because he already left his Son, the Son who. Who took your sin and your iniquity and your debt and pinned it on a cross. And so we understand that we're truly never alone and we're never abandoned when we embrace what Jesus has done for us. And there is no separation that you experience from God when you embrace what Jesus has done for us. And we have to understand that God does not forsake you for the sin that Jesus has already died for. It's just a matter of you accepting what Jesus has done and coming into agreement of it. Galatians 3:13 says, Christ redeemed us from a curse of the law by becoming a curse for us. So what does that mean? Jesus literally took on the shame and guilt and the disparities of sin, and he was abandoned by God just for a moment, so you could be united perfectly in harmonious relationship with God for all of eternity. He became a curse for mankind, of mankind, so he could break the curse. He endured all the sins of the entire world just so the curse could be broken, so death could be defeated. And you could have the same exact thing if you just accept Jesus Christ as Lord. And I want to talk about something which has to do with, like, abandonment and neglection, just to be fully transparent of where I feel like I've fallen a lot as a Christian and where there's been a lot of doubt or where there used to be a lot of doubt, and there used to be a lot of confusion. And was the story about the Holy Spirit leaving Saul? Oh, man. When I heard the story about the Holy Spirit leaving Saul, there was a fear embedded into my spirit by abandonment, betrayal, and trauma that I used to experience that, oh, my God, God, what if you just get up and leave me one day? That was a real fear I had as a Christian. I read that story of the Holy Spirit leaving Saul and was so terrified that God could do the same thing to me, that God would abandon me, that God would leave me. And that was a verse that would throw me into a lot of perversion and confusion. And I believe that. And. And I believe that the enemy used as a pawn to throw me into a lot of confusion and perversion in the word of God, because that's all enemy, does he? He perverts Scripture. He takes God's truth and he manipulates it for his will and his purpose. And what I realized is that it's understanding that the Holy Spirit didn't leave Saul because the Holy Spirit wanted to leave Saul, but because the Holy Spirit had to leave Saul because Saul was not repentive. And so it just kind of killed all of these abandonment issues and insecurities and neglections in my heart because I was like, dang, God, what if you just get up and leave me one day? And he's like, emmy, I love you and I have compassion upon you, and my spirit is not going to leave you because my son has already paid the price. Your job is to just embrace it. And so you stay in the safety and the security of the Lord and you stay in his presence when you just embrace Jesus. It's that simple. And so then it shows us a real reality that if you are embracing Jesus, if you are embracing the cross and what God has sent His Son to do, then the spirit of abandonment isn't upon your life. It's just a lie from the pits of hell. Amen. Because the Word says that God does not forsake us or leave us. And even if we think God is gone for just a moment where he feels distant, he may just be speaking in a different way that we just can't recognize. And God. God's allowing us to not understand so we could draw closer to his heart. And so moving forward, you can live a life far from the fear of abandonment when you embrace the price for abandonment already being paid for by Jesus Christ on that cross. Just embrace the cross. Embrace Jesus. Romans 8, 37, 39. Knowing all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us us. For I'm convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither any height nor depth or anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord. Nothing can separate you from the love of God. Nothing can. So trust that God loves you, that he will never leave nor forsake you, and that God is taking you through these, these trials and tribulations to show you where he's actually there. And maybe God's not allowing the relationships or the situationships or the talking stages to work out, because he really just wants you and he wants your heart. And he wants to know that he. That you're going to be able to submit under him. Before he sends you somebody to submit yourself under. Amen. So go in confidence, knowing that that where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And that God is using every situation for the greater good. And that your single singleness season is not done in vain. It's actually one that should be taken advantage of. And I wouldn't be surprised if Satan is trying to hijack your singleness season by sending all of these boys that actually do not care for you. Get out of your toxic relationships, get out of your talking seasons that are absolutely exhausting, and pursue the heart of God, because you only get the singleness season once. Embrace it. And when God does release you, and when God does call you into dating, into being pursued, embrace that as well. But there is a time and a season for everything. So embrace what God is trying to show you right now. Amen. That's all I have for you guys today, but I believe the Lord has spoken. I feel really good about it, and I pray that's ministered to you. But pray about it. That's the biggest thing. Pray, pray, pray, pray. Pray even fast on it. If you need to. Just seek the Holy Ghost, spirit, seek his wisdom and seek scripture. Because I don't have all the answers. It's literally Jesus who has the answer. I'm literally just a vessel and just a student, just like each and every single one of you. I am nobody special. Who is so special. It's Christ. And, man, when I tell you that this singleness season has taught me so much, I wouldn't take back any thing I have gone through to get to this moment that I'm at right now. Amen. So I love you guys so much. Announcements you already know. It's if you've been. If you've been saved through this podcast, or if you need prayer, there's a link down below if you feel led to tithe towards this ministry or also donate towards me and Malik's wedding. There's also another link down below. You don't have to. We accept prayers more than anything, and we appreciate them. We'd rather be spiritually covered than physically covered, let me tell y'all. So we praise the Lord. And if you want to shop the merchandise, save not soft, shop.com. besides that. That's really it. But, man, y'all, like, just embrace Jesus in this season because he wants to see. He wants to speak to you. Something about. He wants to speak to you so. So specially. And from a woman who's about to get married in about four. Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be four months. Four. No, five months. There we go. In five months. I've never felt more urgent to maximize a Singleness season in my entire life. Because it will be gone just like that. So embrace it right now, because you only get it once. Amen. I love you guys. I'll see you next week. And until then, be blessed. Love you guys. Bye.