Podcast
Saving You Is Killing Me: Loving Someone With An Addiction
Hosted by Andrea Seydel · EN
Do you love someone with an addiction? Are you struggling?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Whether you are dealing with the turmoil that comes from loving someone with an addiction or feeling broken and knocked down from the aftermath, Saving You Is Killing Me is your go-to book and podcast that can help you take back your power and your life.
30episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
242 - When “Perfect” Turns Into Chaos: Trauma Bonds, Relapse & Emotional Whiplash
1w ago00:26:34Tap to summarizeWhen “Perfect” Turns Into Chaos: Trauma Bonds, Relapse & Emotional Whiplash When a relationship that once felt safe and loving suddenly spirals after relapse, the emotional whiplash can leave you questioning everything — including yourself. In this episode, Andrea explores trauma bonding, intermittent reinforcement, and why intensity can feel like intimacy. You’ll learn why relapse destabilizes attachment, how dopamine cycles distort connection, and how your nervous system can become hooked on unpredictability. If you’ve ever thought, “How did something that felt so perfect turn into this?” — this episode will help you understand what’s happening psychologically and emotionally. In This Episode: What trauma bonding really is • How intermittent reinforcement keeps you attached • Why relapse creates emotional instability • The difference between intensity and intimacy • How to begin calming your nervous system
Transcribe →241 - The Wild Edge of Sorrow (Part 2): Ritual, Release & Reclaiming Yourself After Loss
2w ago00:21:12Tap to summarizeThe Wild Edge of Sorrow (Part 2): Ritual, Release & Reclaiming Yourself After Loss In Part 2, Andrea shifts from understanding grief to integrating it. This episode focuses on ritual, meaning-making, boundaries, and rebuilding identity after addiction-related loss. You’ll learn: How to create simple release rituals What meaning-making really looks like How to identify what you’re no longer available for How to reclaim your identity with small, steady steps This episode highlights Self-Care and Courage as foundations for rebuilding. To explore Andrea’s book Saving You Is Killing Me: Loving Someone with an Addiction and additional tools, visit: 👉 www.savingyouiskillingme.com
Transcribe →240 - The Wild Edge of Sorrow (Part 1): Understanding Grief When Addiction Changes Someone You Love
3w ago00:17:38Tap to summarizeThe Wild Edge of Sorrow (Part 1): Understanding Grief When Addiction Changes Someone You Love When addiction alters your relationship, grief follows — even if no one recognizes it. In Part 1 of this two-part series inspired by grief psychology, Andrea explores disenfranchised grief, ambiguous loss, and attachment rupture. You’ll learn: Why your grief may feel invisible The layered losses addiction creates How to name what you’re truly grieving Why grief needs witnessing, not fixing This episode weaves Self-Compassion and Community into the grieving process. Find deeper support in Andrea’s book at: 👉 www.savingyouiskillingme.com
Transcribe →239 - Why Do I Feel Physically Sick? The Body’s Response to Lies and Gaslighting
4w ago00:17:15Tap to summarizeWhy Do I Feel Physically Sick? The Body’s Response to Lies, Chaos & Emotional Shock If you’ve experienced nausea, chest tightness, insomnia, or exhaustion while loving someone with addiction, this episode explains why. Andrea breaks down hypervigilance, somatic symptoms, fight-flight-freeze responses, and nervous system dysregulation in accessible language. You’ll learn: How chronic instability impacts the body Why emotional shock becomes physical symptoms Practical nervous system regulation tools How to respond to stress without blaming yourself This episode emphasizes Self-Compassion as a pathway back to physical stability. For more resources and structured guidance, visit: 👉 www.savingyouiskillingme.com
Transcribe →238 - They're a Different Person Now: Grieving the Partner Who Disappeared
May 2100:17:49Tap to summarizeThey're a Different Person Now: Grieving the Partner Who Disappeared Addiction can slowly change someone’s personality, priorities, and emotional availability — leaving you grieving someone who is still physically present. In this episode, Andrea discusses ambiguous loss, attachment disruption, and how to process grief without suppressing it. You’ll learn: What ambiguous loss is Why grief feels confusing when the person is still alive How to stop chasing temporary “good days” Simple grief rituals that help stabilize your heart This episode centers on Self-Care and Courage as you learn to grieve honestly and protect your emotional energy. Discover Andrea’s book and healing resources at: 👉 www.savingyouiskillingme.com
Transcribe →237 - The Secret Is Eating Me Alive: Living With Addiction No One Else Knows About
May 1400:14:36Tap to summarizeThe Secret Is Eating Me Alive: Living With Addiction No One Else Knows About When no one else knows what’s happening in your home, isolation can quietly become overwhelming. In this episode, Andrea explores the emotional and physiological cost of secrecy, including shame, chronic stress activation, and self-silencing. She explains the difference between privacy and secrecy — and how safe connection restores clarity. You’ll learn: Why secrets activate your nervous system How shame grows in silence The importance of one safe “reality mirror” How to gently break isolation without oversharing This conversation weaves in Self-Compassion and Community as antidotes to silent suffering. For more guidance and support tools, visit: 👉 www.savingyouiskillingme.com
Transcribe →236 - Feeling Stuck and Trapped: When You Love Them But You’re Condused
May 700:17:29Tap to summarizeI Feel Stuck and Trapped: When You Love Them But You’re Confused Long-term relationships impacted by addiction can slowly erode emotional connection. You may still love them — but no longer feel in love. In this episode, Andrea discusses emotional numbness, learned helplessness, chronic stress, and the experience of feeling trapped in a relationship that once felt safe. You’ll learn: Why emotional shutdown happens after prolonged stress The psychological toll of secrecy and isolation How to shift from “forever decisions” to “next right steps” Ways to rebuild Community and regain your sense of self This episode highlights Self-Compassion and Community as essential stabilizers when you feel stuck. Find additional support and Andrea’s book at: 👉 www.savingyouiskillingme.com
Transcribe →235 - Gutsy Grief: Turning Loss Into Self-Discovery
May 200:32:29Tap to summarizeGutsy Grief: Turning Loss Into Self-Discovery Grief doesn’t always look like loss through death. For those who love someone struggling with addiction, grief can show up in quieter, more complicated ways — grieving the person who is still here but not fully present, grieving broken trust, lost time, and the life you thought you would have. In this deeply honest and meaningful conversation, Andrea is joined by John Jeff Hutter, author of Gutsy Grief: Turning Loss Into Self-Discovery. Together, they explore the reality that grief is not linear, not tidy, and not something to “get over.” Instead, grief can be something we learn to walk with — and even something that invites us into deeper self-discovery. John Jeff brings both lived experience and academic insight through his Master’s in Happiness Studies, sharing a grounded and compassionate perspective on what it means to navigate loss and rebuild yourself in the aftermath. This episode is especially meaningful for anyone who: Loves someone with an addiction Feels the ongoing grief of “losing” someone who is still alive Is navigating emotional exhaustion, confusion, or heartbreak Is ready to move from survival toward healing and self-reconnection In This Episode, We Explore: Why grief doesn’t follow stages, timelines, or predictable patterns The concept of grieving someone who is still alive Letting go of guilt around your grief The emotional toll of repeated losses in addiction How to hold both hope and heartbreak at the same time Reclaiming your identity after losing yourself in someone else’s struggle What it means to have agency in the aftermath of loss Turning grief into a path of self-discovery and growth A Message for You If you’re listening and feeling the weight of loving someone with an addiction, please know this: Your grief is real. Your experience matters. And you are allowed to take care of yourself, too. Get the Book You can find Gutsy Grief: Turning Loss Into Self-Discovery by John Jeff Hutter wherever books are sold. This is more than a book — it’s a companion for anyone learning how to live with loss and still move forward with intention and strength. Stay Connected with Andrea Explore more support, resources, and conversations at: https://linktr.ee/Andreaseydel www.savingyouiskillingme.com
Transcribe →234 - When Addiction Crosses Boundaries: Betrayal, Shock & Protection
Apr 3000:19:20Tap to summarizeWhen Addiction Crosses Boundaries: Betrayal, Shock & Protection Sometimes addiction escalates into secret sexual behavior, pornography use, online chat groups, or other boundary-crossing actions that leave you in shock. This episode addresses betrayal trauma, emotional shock, and the physiological impact of discovering hidden sexual behavior. Andrea discusses why your body reacts so strongly, how to prioritize safety, and how to protect yourself and your children when trust is broken. You’ll learn: What betrayal trauma is and why it feels overwhelming Why your nervous system may feel physically shaken How to shift from relationship panic to safety stabilization Practical first steps to protect your emotional and physical well-being This conversation centers on Courage and Self-Care — especially when your role shifts from partner to protector. For deeper tools and support, explore Andrea’s book and resources at: 👉 www.savingyouiskillingme.com
Transcribe →233 - When They Say It’s Not a Problem: Mood Swings, Denial & the Damage of Gaslighting
Apr 2300:20:43Tap to summarizeWhen They Say It’s Not a Problem: Mood Swings, Denial & the Damage of Gaslighting When you see the mood swings, the secrecy, the behavioral shifts — but they insist nothing is wrong — it can leave you questioning your sanity. In this episode, Andrea explores the psychological impact of addiction-related denial, including gaslighting, hypervigilance, cognitive dissonance, and the toll it takes on your nervous system. If you’ve been feeling anxious, physically unwell, or unsure of your own perception, this conversation will help you reclaim clarity and emotional stability. You’ll learn: Why denial destabilizes your nervous system How gaslighting slowly erodes self-trust The difference between arguing reality and responding to impact Practical ways to ground yourself and set emotional boundaries This episode is rooted in Self-Compassion and Courage — two of the core pillars of healing when loving someone with addiction. If this resonates, Andrea’s book Saving You Is Killing Me: Loving Someone with an Addiction offers deeper support and structured guidance. Learn more and access resources at: 👉 www.savingyouiskillingme.com
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