Con-Fessions: Baby Bamboozles

Summary

Scam Goddess: Con-Fessions – "Baby Bamboozles"

Host: Laci Mosley
Co-host: Priscilla Davies
Date: October 1, 2020
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Episode Overview

This episode of Scam Goddess dives into the world of “baby scammers”—stories about children running cons (intentionally or not) and adults pulling off scams to support their babies. Laci Mosley and recurring co-host Priscilla Davies share and dissect real-life listener-submitted stories featuring hilarious, low-stakes grifts involving Starbucks tears, vending machine heists, and formula-forging at big box stores. Throughout, Laci and Priscilla maintain a lively, comedic tone, balancing irreverence with empathy for everyday struggles that drive people to scheme.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Cultural Context of "Baby Scammers"

• Opening banter (00:02–01:41): Laci and Priscilla riff on 2020’s weight, ongoing protests, and the absurdity of people showing up in impractical fashion. The banter segues into the theme: “today we're talking about baby scammers.”
• Babies as inherent ‘scammers’ (02:05–02:55): The hosts joke about how babies take without giving—no credit, no property, no assets.
  • Quote: “Honestly, being a baby is the biggest scam.” – Priscilla (02:30)
• Cultural commentary on Black parenting (04:58–05:43): Laci references the familiar “Black mom at Starbucks” scenario, where no matter the wealth level, Black moms emphasize thrift to their kids.
  • Quote: “When you go [to an] establishment, you have a conversation with your children that's like, don't touch. Don't look at nothing. Don't ask for nothing.” – Laci (05:35)
• Changing generational standards: Laci discusses how her younger sister got more material goods due to shifting parental attitudes (06:11–06:27).

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2. Con-Fession #1: The Starbucks Sobbing Scam (07:01–11:16)

Summary

• Listener “Phyllis” (name chosen for a vintage vibe) shares a story of her 4-year-old son who, denied a drink at Starbucks, executes a two-step con: smooth talking (“hey baby” to the barista) and fake crying, resulting in a free beverage.

Highlights & Discussion

• Technique analysis:
  • Priscilla is impressed by the soft cry and acting: “He didn't do them forceful cries. No, he gave soft.” (09:34)
  • Laci notes the brilliance: “If I see a baby soft crying… your manager be like, what a soft grand, though.” (09:40)
• Moral ambiguity:
  • Laci and Priscilla debate if this is dangerous or just enterprising, referencing the scale of Starbucks’ own “scams,” like overpriced coffee.
  • Quote: "Starbucks is charging $10 for a cup of 3 cent coffee…so I'm not gonna be mad at this baby getting him some little juices." – Laci (10:47)
• Takeaway: The hosts praise “Phyllis” for letting her son develop emotional intelligence and conniving skills—“my hope for your son is that he takes all these skills and … becomes a great scammer. Like a politician or like president.” – Laci (11:34)

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3. Con-Fession #2: Vending Machine Bandit (13:24–18:18)

Summary

• Listener “Zach” (fictitious 90s name) recounts, as a 10-year-old, discovering a broken vending machine near his parents’ bakery. He first fished out stuck coins using a Blu Tack-and-paperclip technique, then escalated into deliberately jamming the machine and repeatedly harvesting the trapped coins, collecting $10–$30 per machine per week.

Highlights & Discussion

• Resourcefulness and escalation:
  • “Realizing that the inner coin path had simply been blocked, I tried to fish out the coins using a paper clip... I took it in as a hook and attached some Blu Tack…” – Zach’s story (14:15)
• Host reactions:
  • Priscilla: “This is some like next level evil genius shit.” (17:05)
  • Laci compares Zach’s origin story to a supervillain: “I see it. This is how Bruce Wayne got rich. He just started with coins and vending machines.” (17:45)
• Socioeconomic riff:
  • The discussion morphs into a critique of superhero-billionaire narratives and a roast of Elon Musk as a real-life Batman/Bond villain (18:13–19:59).

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4. Con-Fession #3: Formula Robin Hood (21:15–27:30)

Summary

• “Belladonna” submits a confession: unable to breastfeed and faced with the high cost of formula, she found that her local big box store’s security was lax. She learned to swap barcodes on cans of formula with cheap removable stickers, ringing them up as low-price items, ensuring she could continually feed her child without paying $35 a week per can.

Highlights & Discussion

• Real talk:
  • Laci and Priscilla go deep on the predatory costs of formula and the pressure on new moms: “Formula is very fucking expensive.” – Priscilla (22:19)
  • They break down the anxiety of baby expenses and how the system fails new/growing families (23:02–23:29)
• Ethical stance:
  • Priscilla: “I wouldn't even call this a scam. I would just call this living in America.” (25:21)
  • Both hosts are staunchly supportive, commending Belladonna’s ingenuity and rejecting guilt for gaming a system that fails people: “You did exactly what you needed to do.” – Priscilla (25:46); “You are an amazing mom, quite clearly, because you got the job done…” – Laci (25:46)
• Societal take: The scam is harmless to the corporation but essential for survival. They pivot into a brief call for living wages and deeper social reforms (27:30–28:15).

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5. Comedy, Commentary, and Closure (28:15–29:50)

• Laci and Priscilla riff on airplane seating, 70s flights, and societal class structure, always tying it back to the central point: the world is full of scams—some for survival, some for profit.
• Final affirmation for listener-submitted stories: “We loved hearing about your babies and how you scam for your babies and with your babies… Actual little babies who were running cons.” – Laci (29:36)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (by Timestamp)

• “Honestly, being a baby is the biggest scam.” – Priscilla (02:30)
• “Starbucks is charging $10 for a cup of 3 cent coffee…so I'm not gonna be mad at this baby…” – Laci (10:47)
• “He said, okay, mama, you ain't gonna buy me nothing. Bet. Can you roll down my window?” – Laci (11:18)
• “This is some like next level evil genius shit.” – Priscilla (17:05)
• “I wouldn't even call this a scam. I would just call this living in America.” – Priscilla (25:21)
• “You are an amazing mom, quite clearly, because you got the job done…” – Laci (25:46)
• “We loved hearing about your babies and how you scam for your babies and with your babies.” – Laci (29:26)

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Important Segments (Timestamps)

• 00:02–02:00: Banter about 2020, protests, and intro to episode’s baby scam theme
• 04:58–06:39: Black family/parenting cultural commentary, generational changes
• 07:01–11:16: Starbucks crying scam story and analysis
• 13:24–18:18: Vending machine “fishing” scam and billionaire critique
• 21:15–27:30: Formula barcode-swapping scam and commentary on economic pressure on mothers
• 28:15–29:50: Class, travel, and listener appreciation riff

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Tone & Takeaway

The episode is warm, irreverent, and unapologetically comedic, while also showing genuine empathy for those navigating difficult circumstances (especially mothers). The hosts uplift listeners’ stories as evidence of ingenuity and resilience, critique corporate greed, and remind the “congregation” that sometimes, scheming is just survival.

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Stay schemin’. Stay stupid, congregation!

Transcript

[A]

What's poppin, congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley. We're back for another episode of Confessions. And as always, I'm joined by my amazing co host, Priscilla Davies. What's up, Priscilla?

[B]

Hello, congregation. I am well.

[A]

I am well, that's great. I'm glad that you're well because, you know, it's just such crazy times.

[B]

It's 2020. I mean, the weight of the world is on our shoulders, honey.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That rhymed.

[A]

It did. It's a great workout, though. I will say. All those protests we were doing, you know, 10 miles a day, fantastic.

[B]

While also screaming at the top of your lungs, no justice, no peace. Excellent workout. It's like the going on tour workout, you know? Hold that note while you're running up

[A]

the stairs, like, are we Beyonce now? Are. Are we Beyonce?

[B]

Without a doubt. Absolutely. I've always been Beyonce myself.

[A]

I show up to a march in some kitten heels, bitch.

[B]

We saw some bitches like that at the marches.

[A]

We did. They were very sexy. I was like, oh, y' all not wearing from the popo tonight, huh? They said, we came for the peaceful march. And that's it.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Honey, you ain't gonna fuck up these Balenciagas, okay? Not for. Not for the culture, not for the revolution.

[B]

Of course. Unless we're looting at Balenciaga. In that case, I can replace them quickly.

[A]

I wish that I had looted. I mean, I wish, like, that's just not my character. But shout out to everybody. I'm trying to see what websites. Is Poshmark popping right now? Like, I need to know where the girls are putting the loot.

[B]

I'm sure Craigslist is popping.

[A]

I can't buy nothing on Craigslist. I'm trying to list I can. Guys, today we're talking about baby scammers, so.

[B]

Ooh, I'm already uncomfortable. But let's do it.

[A]

We need to start them young. We need to get the community.

[B]

Oh, so this is about. The scammers are babies. Okay, now I get it.

[A]

Yes, the scammers are, for the most part, babies, but, you know, babies are unemployed. You know what I mean? If it wasn't for us, they would be homeless. You know what I mean?

[B]

It's true.

[A]

Like, they don't come out of the womb, you know, with no kind of credit, you know, they can't sign no applications for no home, nothing.

[B]

I mean, all they are is cute. Honestly, being a baby is the biggest scam.

[A]

Just saying, right? They don't even come out of the womb with Any kind of property or any items that they own. Like, come on. Y' all can't come out with a blanket or something? Like, y' all ain't got nothing. You just gonna come out naked?

[B]

They don't even come out with a care package. What the fuck, right?

[A]

And they come out pissed. They yelling and shit. Like, what are you mad for? You literally just got here. You don't own anything.

[B]

They're mad because they understand the bullshit. As soon as they come out, they're like, why 2020? Especially these 2020 babies. Poor babies. I'm sorry, Covid and Corona.

[A]

I feel like every 2020 baby has to be like overdue. Like, they're like, no, we're good. We actually know what's going on out there. We're gonna take it to 10 months, maybe 12.

[B]

It's so warm in here. I mean, it's only cold and miserable and racist out there, right?

[A]

They all trying to head back in, but. So the first scam. What are we gonna call this woman? Is the mother of the baby scammer? What do we wanna call her?

[B]

Phyllis.

[A]

Phyllis. That's classy. I feel like I've never met a young Phyllis.

[B]

Um, me neither.

[A]

It's like one of those names that when you have it, you are never a child.

[B]

Can you imagine a young Phyllis? She would wear kitten heels. Absolutely. Church dresses and business suits.

[A]

I was once, I was on Twitter and I saw a bunch of people tweeting out that their parents dressed them like adults when they were kids. And this one girl, she was 10 years old in the picture and she looked so fucking grown. She said would stop her in the hallway and be like, oh, are you here to substitute? And she was like, no, I'm in fifth grade.

[B]

You ever see those old ass pictures? They're all dressed like. Because, you know, I'm gonna put you guys on some history game. The concept of teenager just started existing in the 70s. It started in the 70s. So prior to that. And the reason why that concept of teenager existed in the 70s was because they started selling clothes and geared specifically towards teenagers. Prior to that, people would just be wearing their parents clothes, you know, and so that's why all those old pictures, they're like these little 16 year olds looking 48, wearing a string of pearls.

[A]

They all look like they were about to clock in at school.

[B]

They probably had to back then.

[A]

So Phyllis says, hey guys, I was listening to your podcast and it reminded me of a time when my son was 4 and we went through a Starbucks drive thru before I ordered. He asked if he could get something, and I told him no because it's too expensive. Phyllis, I'm gonna guess that you're black. Not because of the too expensive thing, but just. It is such a common black mama practice. No matter how much money you have, no matter how much money you have,

[B]

no matter how much. No matter how many Rolexes you're wearing, how many diamond rings, pinky rings, it's

[A]

when you go to establishment, you have a conversation with your children that's like, don't touch. Don't look at nothing. Don't ask for nothing.

[B]

Don't ask for nothing. It's facts. It's facts. And that's across the diaspora.

[A]

It is. It's just a black people cultural thing. And it's funny because I see my parents shifting out of that paradigm with my sister because this little girl be getting everything she want. I remember when she was 8, I came home once from school, and she talking about, ooh, my J. Crew package. And went outside to get her belongings. That's it.

[B]

Oh, J. Crew. Okay, bitch.

[A]

And she's ordering it herself at like, 8, 9.

[B]

Like, I was like, wow, congratulations.

[A]

You know what clothes I got? The ones my mama bought me, okay? And she would just come home with clothes and be like, these are your new clothes. And I wouldn't even be at the store with her.

[B]

She like, at least, girl. At least yours would come from the stores. Mine were like, hand me downs. But I didn't have an older sister. Think about it. Do the math on that.

[A]

Oh, yo, I can only imagine those kinds of hand me downs people were getting from family members. Like, is this a crossing guard jacket? Yeah. Dress it up with some jeans. Okay? That's your outfit for today. For the first day of school.

[B]

A crossing guard jacket. I would have turned that shit around, right?

[A]

It would have been litty, literally, and quite reflective.

[B]

Let me get a belt.

[A]

So they're in the Starbucks line. And of course, she's given the black mama speech. He then says, okay, as the children do. Actually, I know he's black because there's a photo of him. So we've done our research. So he says, yes, of course, as the children do. And then after she makes her order, he said, please roll my window down too. So I ordered my drink through the speaker and pulled up to pay. When we got to the window, my son goes, hey, baby. To the girl working. She thinks he's so cute and keeps talking with him. I get my drink, and this is when I realize my son is a genius. He asks the girl where his drink is at and then starts sobbing. Like a soft cry. The girl feels bad for him and asks me if she can give him a free drink. I say yes because, well, he deserved it. After all that, he's 6 now and he still works most of the time, lol. Should I feel bad for enabling him?

[B]

Not at all, Mama. You're doing a great job. You're teaching your son how to get a nut.

[A]

Not that kind of. Now we're gonna get. We're gonna get canceled. There goes the show.

[B]

Squirrel nut.

[A]

There goes the show.

[B]

I mean, a squirrel nut, like money.

[A]

There goes the show. Good thing this is like episode nine.

[B]

So, you know, now that they're already.

[A]

We made it so far without being canceled. I think this is beautiful. I know it's deceptive, and we shouldn't teach children to be deceptive. But the bottom line is, it's the world that we live in. Like, it's all a scam. And Starbucks is a scam.

[B]

Starbucks is one of the biggest scams. Starbucks sold coffee to us. Like, coffee, dog coffee. Everybody got coffee in they house, in their pockets, in their shoes, cars. Coffee's everywhere. I think I saw a coffee tree on the way over here today. Over here to my apartment is what I mean. Cause it's still a pandemic.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, the thing that gets me about this is he smooth talks her first, and it's like, hey, baby, he's four years old. I mean, and he's so cute, this fool.

[B]

He must.

[A]

Is there a picture of him? Yeah, I'll show you the picture.

[B]

Oh, send me the picture. He has to. He doesn't even have to be cute. He's four and he knows the game. So, I mean, he's killing. First of all, you know what really struck me here is his acting ability.

[A]

Oh, they're excellent.

[B]

Like, as an actor. As an actor, you know, I fucking cued it and tapped into that and I'm like, yes, bitch. He said soft cries. He didn't do them forceful cries. No, he gave soft.

[A]

Because forceful cries are too demanding. You gotta do the soft cry. Cause that just hurts. If I see a baby soft crying,

[B]

like a soft cry, you can go take that to your manager. Like, hey, hey. But it's a soft cry. Your manager be like, what a soft grand, though.

[A]

Exactly. So I'm absolutely on board with this. I think it's so cute. I mean, he's not gonna be able to do it for much longer, but he's so adorable.

[B]

Did he have the Little glasses when he was 4. I hope he did. This kid is cute.

[A]

I hope he had these little glasses.

[B]

He had the glasses at 4. He could have pulled a lot more than just free drinks.

[A]

I'm just telling him I want this little baby to rob everybody.

[B]

He's a cutie. Shout out to mom for showing him that, you know, unless you trying to get took, you gotta take.

[A]

Okay, you either get got or you do the gotten.

[B]

Okay guys, you either get down or you lay down. Okay. Shout out to State Property. A fantastic show, right?

[A]

I mean, I will say though, like, obviously we don't wanna encourage people to be deceptive. Actually, I don't know, this is a show about scamming.

[B]

Not for no God, but we don't want you to hurt people.

[A]

But you know, Starbucks is charging $10 for a cup of 3 cent coffee that you know, they get slave labor to make. So I'm not gonna be mad at this baby getting him some little juices and some little refreshers. Okay, you get your refresher, you get your hot cocoa with the foam.

[B]

Do it. Okay, do that duck fizzle. I would say, mama. Just make sure that you keep sleep with one eye open. Make sure you don't let him con you. That's all I gotta say.

[A]

Cause he seems.

[B]

Cause he's smooth.

[A]

Cause low key, he did con you because he didn't tell you what he was about to fucking do. He said, okay, mama, you ain't gonna buy me nothing. Bet. Can you roll down my window?

[B]

Damn, that's premeditation. Actually, mama, I'm a little scared for you.

[A]

Here's my hope for your son is that he takes all these skills and, and he becomes a great scammer. Like a politician or like president, you know what I mean? You have to be a scammer to do those things. But you can be educated and you can still help a lot of people. He knows how to tap into people's emotional state, you know what I mean? He's got all the makers of just like a tiny little Barack Obama. He kind of looks like one too.

[B]

He does a little bit, I'm not gonna lie.

[A]

So shout out to that little baby king. One day I hope that I can be scammed by him. You know, children are the future.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

All right, guys, so this next scam comes from. Well, what do we want to call this person? So this is a. This is somebody who was scamming when they were 10 years old.

[B]

Like his name has to be like, what's a 10 year old Brayden. Well, yeah, a current 10 year old.

[A]

Yeah, back then.

[B]

Samuel.

[A]

Christopher.

[B]

What kind of struggle at Samuel and Christopher?

[A]

You never. Everybody was named Sam in the 90s.

[B]

Brandon. Brandon.

[A]

The women were named Sam. Zack. Okay, okay, Zach.

[B]

Okay, I got you there.

[A]

Right, but everyone was named Sam in the 90s. The women and the men.

[B]

True. The women. Okay, you didn't say women. Now that. That makes sense. So Sam was a badass 90s woman's name.

[A]

It was. Sam was like the tomboy who then got a makeover and then her best friend who just thought that she fixed cars was like, damn, Sam.

[B]

She's fine.

[A]

He was a beautiful woman this whole time.

[B]

Holy shit. Yeah, I love the same.

[A]

Right? So Frank, what do we say? Zach? Why is I Frank?

[B]

Another struggle name.

[A]

I only know struggle names. Shout out to all the Franks out there. I hope y' all are staying strong. Stay up, kings. So Zach says I have a memory from when I was about 10 or so where I used to extract coins from a broken vending machine. My parents owned a bakery that had rows of four vending machines next door, three drink machines and one for snacks. I love your memory. Every now and then the machines would eat people's coins and they would come into our store to complain. But we couldn't do anything as they did not belong to us. One time, after overhearing a complaint, I decided to inspect it myself. As a 10 year old,

[B]

When you're 10, you be going on missions.

[A]

Don't tell me, let me get to work. Where are my tools? Go get my Bob to build a toolkit.

[B]

You know what, let me have a look.

[A]

The 10 year old. So he decided to inspect himself. And after shining my torch into the coin receptacle, I could see that a stack of coins had built up. Reaching. Realizing that the inner coin path had simply been blocked, I tried to fish out the coins using a paper clip. But when I bent one end, I took it in as a hook and attached some Blu Tack chewing gum like substance so that the hook could get a grip.

[B]

I know what Blu Tack is.

[A]

Come on, remember Blu Tack. Shout out to the educators. I feel like they're the only people who work with Blu Tack.

[B]

As the resident educator on this podcast. Yes, we do. And we still using it in 2020.

[A]

We're getting sponsored by Blu Tack.

[B]

I'd love to. I'd love to. It's toxic though.

[A]

Wonderful. So after managing to extract about $10 or so at the end of my troubles, I had the ingenious idea of deliberately jamming up the coin receptacle. And repeating the process, I would fold up little pieces of paper and insert them into the coin slide and wait for the coins to build up. I had to make sure that when I went fishing, it was fishing in quotes. Cause that's what he doing with his little hook.

[B]

He has a name for it.

[A]

Oh, I love it. Late at night. He said I had to do it late at night so people wouldn't be suspicious. And also before the servicemen attended to refill the machine, I would collect between 10 to $30 each machine on a weekly basis, which for a 10 year old was a fortune. This went on for a couple months until the machines were eventually taken away. Probably because of all the complaints. They were getting to their fault hotline. Imagine ordering.

[B]

Hello, this is the fault hotline. How can I help you?

[A]

Imagine ordering. I mean, trying to get a Coke from a vending machine and not receiving the Coke. And then you call the hotline. It's like $1.50 and you calling the hotline. You have to be the pettiest person in the world to be calling a fault line for $1.50. How do you want them to get you your $1.50 back check?

[B]

Bitch. You're fucking right. And you know what? I'd be that bitch. You know I would. And I would call you bitch. Let me tell you what I did today. I had to call the goddamn vending machine hotline.

[A]

They said they will be mailing me a 75 cent check.

[B]

I mean in 2020. Can I just get a credit or like can you venmo me, right?

[A]

Can you cash at me my refund? Nah, you gotta get a check for 75 cents, which is extremely petty. But shout out, shout out to a King Zach for coming up on all of these coins. Literally. I love that he saw an opportunity and was like, oh, this is why the machine isn't working. I'm gonna continue to make sure that it doesn't work.

[B]

This is some like next level evil genius shit. First of all, I mean, honestly, this could be an epic film, right? It's a sweet little boy named Brandon. He follows the rules, he listens to the laws, he does what he's gotta do. But then one day he decides in earnest to help the people. He went to go work on that machine for the people, but something just kept gnawing at him. Something about this fucked up system just kept gnawing at him. And he decided that he was gonna be the motherfucker to fucking screw the people. And dude, I'd Watch this movie. It sounds like it's like the Batman origin story of how Brandon became evil. I'd watch it. Is this the Riddler's backstory?

[A]

I see it. This is how Bruce Wayne got rich. He just started with coins and vending machines. Because Batman ain't no real superhero. He just rich. I feel like Batman is billionaire propaganda, and I don't appreciate really is. It's like one nigga gets rich, and then that's what all billionaires are doing is making a Batcave and then beating everybody up and solving crime on their own. That's not what billionaires are doing. They killing us.

[B]

I mean, that's what Elon Musk is doing.

[A]

Elon Musk is Batman.

[B]

Elon Musk is 100% following the Batman prototype. He's like, I'm going to get. First of all, he doesn't have to get rich. He was born rich, right? Like, he's sending niggas to the moon right now. Nobody requests, like, we still trying to shut down Space Force. What are you doing?

[A]

Literally, Elon, people are dying on the planet, and you are over here trying to send people to fucking Mars, bitch. No, don't. Y' all trying to.

[B]

Nobody. Nobody requested this. Although I will give you shout out to the redesign of those suits. Cause, like, Nassau, Come on. What are you doing, baby?

[A]

Yeah, Those suits were hella corny. But, you know, hey, if anything, Elon Musk knows, for the most part is style. Except for with that truck that he made. The Tesla truck was the most hideous thing I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe nobody spoke up. That's how you know they don't work in an open environment. That's how you know they don't work in an open environment. Somebody pulled up the Tesla truck, and Elon was like, behold. And everybody was like,

[B]

oh. They were like, as long as we getting paid. Yeah, Elon.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's. I would definitely want to get rid in that with my body.

[B]

Does it fold up? Cause it looks like it folds up,

[A]

and that's great, Eli. We definitely have garages that could fit a monstrosity such as this.

[B]

Did I say monstrosity? I meant monstrosity. I guess I'll say that again.

[A]

Imagine trying to go through the drive through in that truck. You gonna be scraping on all sides, just tearing up the marquee.

[B]

And don't you get the iridescent package, like McDonald's.

[A]

How can I help you? The car's like. Like, just scratching everything, girl.

[B]

Eli, no one Requested this. Elon, fix the world food. How about that? We can start there.

[A]

We can start with food for everybody. That's an easy place to start. Not the moon, bitch. You'd start skipping several steps. But I always see jokes on Twitter about Batman, and it's like people bent up into a pretzel and all their bones are broken. And then Batman's like, now tell me where the evil man is. He's, like, trying to get information out of them after he's stomped the shit out of them.

[B]

It's so true. Cause Batman, all he does is fuck shit up before he gets what he wants. No matter what, he's the symbol of police brutality. Fuck shit up.

[A]

Why are you beating people up? Before you ask, why don't you. You asking for some info, Batman? You can't just be whipping people asses and then expecting cooperation.

[B]

I mean, he works with fucking Commissioner Gordon. A cop.

[A]

Come on. Batman is cop again. You heard it here first.

[B]

We breaking news here, baby. What?

[A]

So moving on, We've got a mama scammer, and this is our last scammer. What do we want to name this moment? Oh, excuse me. I have to take it back because she has a specific name that she wants to be called, so I'm gonna allow it. Belladonna.

[B]

Oh, that's a lot. But I like it.

[A]

So, Belladonna, I'm gonna let you. I'll let you go with your own name. So Belladonna says, I will say I feel a little awful about this scam. I pulled it for a few months, but a bish was broke. Lol. When I had my unplanned baby. I've tried really hard to breastfeed and couldn't. That's something that a lot of moms go through. Shout out to the moms. Out. So shout out to you for being like, my unplanned baby.

[B]

She let us. She was like, you know what? I came to tell the truth. That's a lot of information, Belladonna.

[A]

Financial emergencies can be anything. You know, your car can break down. You know what I mean? You can get an unexpected medical bill, or you can have a baby. And that is a financial emergency. So after not being able to breastfeed and not being able to produce milk, I was so down because I felt like less of a mom. And I knew now I'd have to spring for formula. Have you seen these prices? And I was already poor as fuck.

[B]

Formula is very fucking expensive.

[A]

It's so predatory because, you know, it's like, what are you gonna do let your baby starve.

[B]

What are you gonna. And there it is. So we'll go ahead and take it, Right?

[A]

So if you're not lucky enough to get free titty milkshake, then you gotta go buy the man's milk.

[B]

And it's a lot.

[A]

It's a lot of money. So I started out by using coupons they send in the mail, but they didn't send them often enough. My little chubba was going through the formula, and at $35 a pop for a big can of formula that lasts one week if you're lucky, plus diapers, plus wipes, plus clothes to grow out of in weeks, I was overwhelmed. Girl, despot meter is high. Babies are excited. Expensive.

[B]

So expensive. And I'm glad that you broke it down for these motherfuckers out here. This is. It's this so much.

[A]

Having them is like $8,000, right? And that's like, for regular treatment. Now if you want a Beyonce wing, you know, you spending upwards of like half a meal.

[B]

Without a doubt. Yeah.

[A]

Just to have a baby when you used to be able to have them shits in the yard, they would die a lot back then.

[B]

Okay, this is going dark. Can we.

[A]

That's the reason we got birthdays. Birthdays literally used to just be like, yay, your baby didn't die back in the olden days.

[B]

Shout out to the olden days ladies who. They had too much on their plates. Too much.

[A]

So now usually they keep the formula behind glass or they put it in locked plastic containers that the staff have to unlock at the register. What I realized is if I went to this one location, she said, a big box store by her house. Shh. They did not have glass cases and the big cans were too big for the locked containers at the self checkout. I didn't want to risk not scanning something and them noticing. So I began to find low price items with removable barcodes and stickers and place it over the real barcodes so the container would ring up before the cost of one rubber duck.

[B]

Yes, Specificity.

[A]

I always did this when I bought toilet paper and other big items that I had to pay for, like boxes of soda so they would see those and not question the actual bags in my cart or even worry about anything other than the big items under the cart. I felt like a huge charlatan. But I promise I could have used this scam for other shit, but I didn't. I just wanted to feed my baby.

[B]

I.

[A]

Anyway, I have since retired my scam since my little man is Grown. I love you, girl. Share my scam with other new baby mamas so they. Babies can eat. Belladonna.

[B]

Shout out to a queen. Thank you, Belladonna. First of all, can I call you comrade Belladonna? Because I am loving this fucking. Fuck the proletariat down with the fucking capitalist corporatocracy scam. I mean, I wouldn't even call this a scam. I would just call this living in America.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Okay. You heard me. I'm just like. I don't even. Honestly, like, I hope you have no guilt. I hope you have no. You know, you're not. And I'm sure you don't, Belladonna, but like, bitch, you did exactly what you needed to do. And the truth is, why did the system put you in a position that you needed to even have to fucking do that? Cause babies should be getting free fucking formula when they motherfucking need it. Okay? Titties don't always produce what we need, okay?

[A]

Right? And that's not to make you any less of a mom. You are an amazing mom, quite clearly, because you got the job done, quite frankly. You know, mom was out here doing whatever they can to make shit possible for their kids. And you don't even know how your mom be hustling. Like, there was a time. I mean, obviously, like, I. People know, I grew up in the suburbs. I had a very, you know, privileged lifestyle. But my. My mom had me at 21. So those first five years when she was, like, getting her career on track and shit, like, mama, I never. We were never, you know, hur. I always had a nanny, which I'm pretty sure my mom was harboring illegal aliens, but. Shout out to her.

[B]

But niggas gotta eat.

[A]

Shout out to her. Cause shout out for that. Cause that's also a scam, you know, the whole system of becoming an American citizen. But she was out here hustling. She was working hard to make sure that I had everything that I needed. And we always look at our parents and you get to that teenage age and you're like, f you, mom. Except for when you black. You say it in your room in the dark, in your head.

[B]

In your head. Mostly in your head in the safety, the confines of your room, usually when your parents are not home.

[A]

Well, yeah. No, you don't see it in your head in front of your mama. I did that one time. And she saw my face. Cause she knew what I was thinking.

[B]

She slapped the hell out of me.

[A]

You do that when they're gone, in your room with the door locked also in the dark.

[B]

That's probably the smartest as well, right?

[A]

You know, that's the black kid way. But yeah. So shout out to you. Cause it's a fucking scam. You should be able to feed your children. I'm glad that you found a way to do it that didn't harm anyone. Big box stores ain't gonna miss that formula. They gonna be aight.

[B]

Okay. Also, big box stores need to start paying a living fucking wage. We're adding. We were talking earlier about our Black Lives Matter list. These are things that need to go on the goddamn Black Lives Matter list. A goddamn living wage, Right?

[A]

We have the important stuff up front, which is like, stop killing us. Defund the police.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

You know. But way, way, way down the list is stuff like people should be able to board the plane first if they in the back.

[B]

I don't think that's a problem at all. And I have added that to mine as well. Very, very low.

[A]

Very low.

[B]

Very low on my list. Very low. But it's a concern, like why we

[A]

got a bottleneck for classism. So you can sit in the front all cute. Like it takes up so much time. We could all get there faster.

[B]

You could add extra flights, take away some seats so bitches could stretch their legs again. Like the 70s.

[A]

Okay, man, the 70s must have been a glorious time to fly. They was. Except for the cigarettes.

[B]

And there it is. And there's always like a downside, right? Like it's like, yay, we have all this space and leg room. And then also like cigarettes cancer, which

[A]

I don't even know why the faa. I know cigarettes were common at the time, but I don't even know why they was like, yeah, light them. Fire sticks on the plane. We on the plane.

[B]

On a plane, like, you just want to fucking die.

[A]

I feel like that should. In an explosion, that should have always been a given. And what's crazy is these planes were so much newer back then. So it just shocks me that people were comfortable enough to hop in a skybox and light a fire.

[B]

People, you know, it was probably a certain kind of person who didn't have a lot of stressors in their life in general.

[A]

We know those kinds of people. We know who those people are.

[B]

Hint, hint, wink, wink. And there it is.

[A]

But guys, we loved hearing about your babies and how you scam for your babies and with your babies.

[B]

With your babies. We loved hearing about the straight up scammer babies because there was some. I said that as a joke and I'm so glad it turned out.

[A]

Yes, Actual little babies who were running cons. And we love it. We love to see it. You know, I hope they grow up to be very successful scammers in their future and not hurt anybody, but also never get caught.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

All right, guys. Well, that's gonna conclude another premium episode of Confessions. If you want to find us, you can find [e-mail] to email any scams and cons that you'd like to share with us. Scam GoddessPod on all platforms if you'd like to connect with us. And if you want to find me, I'm at D I B A L, A C I Div Lacey on all platforms. If you want to find Priscilla, you

[B]

can find me at P R I S C I M L L A D A B I E S. Actor. Yeah, I never spell it because it's fucking long. But you know what? I'm sure you couldn't spell it, and now you can find it.

[A]

Priscilla Davies, actor, on all platforms.

[B]

Actually, Twitter is Pris Davey. I gotta go. What's wrong with me? Why don't I stream mine?

[A]

Because you're a scammer. You don't want to be easily found. I've just admitted to people that I love robberies, so I'm like, y' all can find me here. That's why I will be doing my robberies. That's Pris Davies on Twitter. Good Lord. All right, congregation, stay stupid.