Con-Fessions: College Cons

Summary

Scam Goddess: "Con-Fessions – College Cons"

Host: Laci Mosley
Guest Co-Host: Priscilla Davies
Date: February 20, 2021

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Episode Overview

In this lively listener-contributed "Con-Fessions" episode, Laci Mosley and co-host Priscilla Davies dig into hilarious and clever college scams submitted by fans of the show. With the theme “College Cons,” stories range from housing hacks to creative ways students and staff beat the system for food, money, and even parking. As always, Laci and Priscilla bring humor, social commentary, and warmth to the #TrueCon tales, highlighting the funny—and sometimes poignant—realities behind these scams.

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Key Discussion Points & Listener Scams

1. Accidental Coming-Out & the Free Housing Scam

• Story Overview (01:23 – 11:40)
  Listener “Bruce Bruce” shares how coming out to her religious parents led to losing family support, prompting her to run a clever post-grad scam for summer survival.
  • Accidental Outing: Bruce Bruce, a D1 athlete, recounts accidentally confirming to her mother that a visiting friend was actually her girlfriend.
    • Memorable moment: “How you accidentally come out to your parents?” – Laci (01:41)
    • On religious parents: “Guys, quit scamming yourself out of love for your children by hating them because they gay. It’s weird. Why do you care who they have sex with?” – Laci (02:08)
    • The co-hosts riff on parental homophobia, generational expectations, and queer stereotypes in college sports.
  • The Scam:
    • Bruce Bruce assumes the identity of a summer student athlete (with help from a generous “Gays Helping Gays” peer) to score free dorm housing and meals for three months, plus snag a paid campus research assistant job.
    • “The athlete actually gave me their identity, lol. Because, you know, Gays Helping Gays.” – Listener letter (09:30)
    • Host support: “I dig this scam because it’s not hurting anyone, but really helped assist out during a rough time. I hope you’re proud.” – Laci (11:19)
  • Hosts Relate:
    • Priscilla recalls her own lightly legal dorm roommate situation; Laci admits to underestimating “finesse” opportunities while in college.

2. The Bar Cover Charge Scam

• Story Overview (15:50 – 25:11) Listener “Loquacious” describes unwittingly partnering in a cash cover fee scam while working at a late-night St. Louis bar.
  • The Scam:
    • Hired to collect a $5 cover fee at the bar door, Loquacious is paid a flat $80—all while her boss pockets hundreds (if not thousands), charging (mostly) male patrons.
    • The boss later shows off lavish purchases on Instagram, revealing the scale of his scam.
    • “This was then when I realized my boss was making me an accomplice in his weird, sexist, aspiring DJ cover fee scam.” – Listener letter (22:31)
  • Host Commentary:
    • Laci and Priscilla debate fair pay and proper criminal enterprise etiquette:
      • “80 ain’t enough, Bab. If he make it. That you should have seen. Also, he can't keep count of how many people coming inside…” – Laci (19:08)
      • “You don’t have to click if you don’t want to click. Girl, baby girl, you could have kept some of them 5020s, let me tell you.” – Laci (19:12)
    • The hosts share stories of club bribery, bouncer scams, and sex-worker-adjacent party tricks.
      • “I’m glad it ain’t me, and I’m still getting in.” – Priscilla (21:38)
  • Scammer Takeaway:
    • Both agree: for that kind of risk, always negotiate a better cut!

3. The Campus Parking Cons

• Story Overview (25:21 – 31:40) Listener “Jamie” writes in about creative ways to avoid the costly, ruthless campus parking system at her North Carolina university.
  • Scams Described:
    • Illegally parking in campus health clinic patient spots to avoid paying for a regular student parking pass: “As long as you’re not parked there all day long, it just looks like you have an appointment and you won’t get a ticket.” – Jamie (27:23)
    • Contesting parking fines with safety excuses to have fees reduced.
  • Host Response & Riffs:
    • Laci and Priscilla relate, bemoaning how colleges bilk thousands from students and staff even for basic parking.
      • “You are 100% correct that parking in college on campus is absurd. How they get you…” – Priscilla (30:58)
    • Laci shares a personal tale of refusing to pay a $50 Target parking fee out of principle, nearly conducting a sit-in protest at the exit.
      • “I said, I live here now. I was like, there’s cars behind me and I will sit here.” – Laci (29:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Queer Identities & Parental Homophobia:
  “If you homophobic…like, you’re a weirdo. Like, what’s…What are you at home at night just thinking about gay people fucking?” – Laci (02:29)

• “Gays Helping Gays” as a Movement:
  “That’s the charity I need. Gays Helping Gays.” – Laci (09:45)
  “We got on GoDaddy, we bought the URL. Gays Helping Gays. You might get scammed, but you also might get helped.” – Laci (09:54)

• Bar Scam Realism:
  “I was surprised at how much money coming in. It looked like thousands.” – Loquacious (listener letter) (18:43)
  “You don’t have to click if you don’t want to click.” – Laci (19:12)

• On Parking Fines and University Grift:
  “How come this isn’t a part of my motherfucking tuition? …Like, this should be included in the fucking fee. But they’re like, we don’t want you to bring a car.” – Priscilla (30:58)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Accidental Coming-Out & Free Housing Scam: 01:23 – 11:40
• Host College Scam Anecdotes/Related Tangents: 11:40 – 15:50
• Bar Cover Charge Scam: 15:50 – 25:11
• Parking Cons, Ticket Fights, and College Grievances: 25:21 – 31:40
• Outro & Social Media Info: 32:01 – end

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Episode Tone, Energy & Style

True to Scam Goddess’ signature, the episode is a blend of sharp-witted storytelling, improvisational comedy, insightful social critique, and infectious camaraderie. Laci and Priscilla riff on every tangent, bring lived experience to the table, and always champion the underdog scammer (especially when scamming big, greedy institutions). The episode delivers both laughs and poignant moments on queer identity, economic struggle, and the shared hustle of college survival.

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For more listener scams or to tell your own, email [e-mail]. And remember, stay schemin’!

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to another episode of Confessions where we read your listener letters where you snitch on your friends and family about all your scams. It's me, one of your hosts, Lacey

[B]

Moseley, and your other host, Priscilla Davies.

[A]

And we're back. And today we're talking about college scams.

[B]

One of my faves.

[A]

I love college and I love scamming.

[B]

I just like college games.

[A]

I love women.

[B]

Is that a song? I don't like it.

[A]

You know that song. It's like last night, something awfully crazy. It's asheroth. I love college.

[B]

No, it sounds like vaguely. You're probably singing it poorly. It's vaguely familiar.

[A]

It was like last night was crazy. I wish we taped it. Something to something. Something naked. Drink my beer and smoke my weed. I love college. No. Okay. It was a very big scam song for colle. I was like, oh, I love college. I love drinking. That's how the song went. And I love women, so. I do love women. So college scams. Let's start. I need a name, Priscilla.

[B]

Bruce. What's wrong? That's a good ass name.

[A]

It makes me think of Bruce. Bruce.

[B]

That's exactly. Every time I say Bruce, another Bruce happens. So let's just call him Bruce. Bruce then.

[A]

Bruce. Bruce.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So Bruce Bruce says, I would like to remain anonymous. Oh, I love when a story starts like that.

[B]

It's gonna be good.

[A]

Said I wanted to inform you about a retired scam that I ran after I graduated college that got me free housing and food for three months. Amen.

[B]

That's a good scam. We love to hear it.

[A]

Says, I was a student athlete at insert D1 college. And right before my graduation, I accidentally came out to my parents. How you accidentally come out to your parents?

[B]

They was probably drinking. He was like. And then, you know what, Mom? When I sucked his dick, uh, o. Record scratched somewhere. I don't know.

[A]

I bet you're wondering how I got here. So unfortunately, they were not happy about that. Guys, quit scamming yourself out of love for your children by hating them because they gay. It's weird. Why do you care who they have sex with? Gay people can have children. Y' all can still have grandchildren. Ain't no. It ain't no problem.

[B]

Ain't no problem. No, there isn't. Y' all weirdos for that.

[A]

If you homophobic. Like, you're a weirdo. Like, what's. What's. What are you at home at night just thinking about gay people fucking? Like, why is it. Why are you so preoccupied?

[B]

You well, you know, here's the thing. There's people in the world who really spend their days worrying about other people. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's people like that. You know, for most of us, it's our mom. Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's like, can you get out of my business? Okay, but I mean, like. And that's valid. Like, I. Okay, I get why you're into my shit, Mom. Fine. But, like, it's like, there's some who really spend their lives worried about other people's business, and it's like, it's a. It's a no win situation, and not

[A]

in a positive way. Maybe there's just as many people who are worried about, like, oh, I'm gonna give to the homeless, and I'm gonna be charitable. And then maybe. No, but I'm saying, like, maybe there's many people who are doing that positive side of, like, how can I take care of the world? That there are the other people who are like, how can that stop the deviance? Like, there have to just be people who are just at home. Like, sodomy.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, there really are people like that. For real.

[A]

Ladies bumping coochies.

[B]

I mean, my God. Taco smashing. You kidding me?

[A]

I'm stressed. Every night I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about coochies bumping. Like, what is this? Stop it.

[B]

Well, also, too, I think a lot of it is internal. Like, they're questioning their own sexuality.

[A]

Right. You know, and that's the thing is I think they're jealous, too. But I don't like to put that on every homophobe because I don't want to be like, oh, okay. Homophobes are also a part of the gay community and just. Just don't want to be. Because, like, the gay community, like, that. That's a different community.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But at the same time, I'm like, y' all are a little too preoccupied. It's like, Lil Boosie. Lil Boosie is the most preoccupied person with homosexuality that I've ever met in my life. He would get on. He got his Facebook taken away. Or, no, his Instagram taken away because he kept putting, like, people's vaginas on live. But he would get on there and be like, I was in jail, and I watched these two men have sexuals. And I was like, what happened? And he would, like, talk about it. I'm like, boosie, you seem very interested.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And that's okay.

[B]

When you.

[A]

When you're all on a spectrum, when

[B]

you get to A point in your life where Michael Tyson has to lecture you on your homophobia, when Mike Tyson

[A]

is like, baby girl, you need to get it together.

[B]

The nigga who bit a nigga's ear off, okay?

[A]

Then they chewed on somebody's ear, and he's like, sir, you have problems. For real?

[B]

For real. I mean, yes. See, I didn't know how into, you know, Boosie was. Like, I. Obviously, I've seen a couple things, but now I'm like, oh, well, then he. Well, I don't want him coming for me, but, you know, that's none of my business.

[A]

It's fine if he comes for you. He has no social media platforms right now. He can't reach you. So he. So Bruce. Bruce says this was the tangent, but I know you love tangents, so. Okay. I love that you set me up for a tangent. We appreciate you fully. A tangent. So it says. So it was student athlete graduation, which happens a week before graduation. We were drinking all day to celebrate and hanging out in the dorm. I kept going downstairs to check on my friend and eventually brought her up to my room to chill.

[B]

Bruce.

[A]

Bruce is a girl. Okay.

[B]

Bruce. Bruce. Oh, God.

[A]

So she brought her friend up to the room to chill. My mom asked jokingly but kind of serious, what's going on? Who is she, your girlfriend? I think it was just her biggest fear my whole life because I grew up wearing boxers and playing sports.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

I'm out.

[B]

Well, I grew up wearing boxers, playing sports. They just knew I was gay. I mean, that's a telltale.

[A]

Bruce. Bruce said, my Calvins.

[B]

Okay. I mean, I don't know how old you are, Bruce. Bruce, but if this was during the early 90s, you would've. I mean, boxers. Everybody was wearing boxers, remember?

[A]

Yes, Hunty.

[B]

Everybody wanted to be like Aaliyah.

[A]

I was born in the early 90s.

[B]

Exactly. You were a baby. Why would you know this?

[A]

Why did nobody put me in boxers?

[B]

Because, again, you were a baby.

[A]

I wish, like, I had, like, you know, Angelina Jolie be dressing her baby. Remember when her kids were really, really young and she would dress Shiloh like a stereotypical lesbian?

[B]

I don't recall, but.

[A]

You don't. I mean, they used to have Shiloh

[B]

in pants, but I thought that was, like, her style. Shiloh's style.

[A]

That baby was very young to be like. I mean, I don't think she could walk at that point. And they had my girl.

[B]

Which one is Shiloh?

[A]

She one of the natural kids that she had with?

[B]

Yes. But, like, is she.

[A]

Let's Stop. But you know, so I could have been a little. I like to dress all over the place. But you know, when you're. You have to adapt to your parents taste as a child. Of course they dress you however they want.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So basically she was like, oh, are you. This is your girlfriend? And I was like, yeah. She immediately left and drove home. Damn.

[B]

Oh, wow, that's fucked up.

[A]

Also that's fucked up because your mama already knew.

[B]

Yeah, that's why I was confused about. Cause I'm like, didn't she already accidentally out herself?

[A]

That's. No, I think this is the accidental outing.

[B]

Oh, this is the. More details.

[A]

Okay, so my thing is like also

[B]

that's not an accident. You said yes.

[A]

Yeah, that's not an accident. You can't bring the bitch up. Like you brought her upstairs. You was probably petting on her hair and shit. Like, come on now, she was gonna know that wasn't just your best friend.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

And that's fine. You live your life out loud. Also, your mama already knew. That's the thing. Like mama Mom Dukes, you know, it's

[B]

just so it's like, where?

[A]

And then why would she, why would she leave?

[B]

Like, what a fucking raggedy motherfucking mother weirdo shit.

[A]

So she said. My parents grew up very religious and they had a tough time accepting that I was dating a girl on the blank team.

[B]

She refuses to let us know what sport.

[A]

It's either basketball or softball. And yes, I'm doing stereotypes. I don't know, I feel like it's basketball.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cause they having A team graduation D1 college, drinking at the dorm. This is giving basketball. What? How does that. What? I don't think softball. What?

[B]

Please, what part of this.

[A]

I don't think softball. I'm just getting the swag. She said boxers. Like, come on now. Basketball, basketball, girls be swagging.

[B]

Oh, true, true, true. Boxers, basketball, girls, basketball, girls.

[A]

This is a basketball moment.

[B]

But I thought that was in high school. She was wearing. Oh, well then she would have been playing. Playing in high school too.

[A]

Yeah, this basketball.

[B]

Okay, we've decided.

[A]

Cause think about it too. How you gonna wear boxers in them tight ass fucking softball pants.

[B]

Yeah, that's not gonna work. No, but also like, maybe she was just wearing boxers in general under her jeans.

[A]

Yeah, but you can't wear em under softball pants.

[B]

Maybe she switched to real underwear.

[A]

We don't know everything about our underwear situation. We're speculating a lot.

[B]

We needed more info. Bruce, Bruce, listen. We're concerned about these details, not the

[A]

actual scam so it says, this is how I got free written food. So four paragraphs in.

[B]

Bruce, oh my God. I forgot all about this, what the scam was.

[A]

Cause we have fully. Bruce, Bruce. How dare you? How dare you distract me like this? You know how we are.

[B]

I love it. I'm like, bruce. Bruce gave us all the good tea.

[A]

So this is how I got free written food for the entire summer. I assumed the identity of a student athlete that was on a full ride and was enrolled in summer classes. The athlete actually gave me their identity, lol. Because, you know, Gays Helping Gays.

[B]

Okay, yes, yes.

[A]

That's the charity I need. Gays Helping Gays.

[B]

That'll account for each other.

[A]

I would love to be a part of that, please.

[B]

We're actually starting a website right now.

[A]

We are.

[B]

It's Gays Helping Gays.

[A]

We got on GoDaddy, we bought the URL. Gays Helping Gays. You might get scammed, but you also might get helped.

[B]

You can find us on cash app, you can find us on Snapchat money.

[A]

Just Give us your PayPal login and us gays will help you Gays. Okay? So I said, basically the gist of it is that student athletes on full rides at university are gay.

[B]

Can I just say, I'm sorry, this is very random. I can never read that word gist. Every time I see it, I always think giss. And then I'm like, oh, no, I don't know why jist feels like it should be spelled with a J.

[A]

Anyway, let's continue. It's just English. I feel bad for people learning English because English is goddamn garbage.

[B]

It's a scam language.

[A]

And then if you. I think about on Twitter all the time how like black people have a different language too. So if you're trying to read our language on Twitter in English, like I read a tweet that was like, you know, this January ain't January like the other January's January. And I was like, if I didn't speak English as my first language, this would be be beyond me for so long. I love it. So the gist is that basically student athletes on full rides at the university are giving free housing in the dorms and free meals every day. The student athlete was local and preferred to stay at home during the summer. So they gave me their ID card. Using the ID card, I could get into the dorm, use it to buy food, then also get a job at the university as a research assistant for the summer. So I was making money and living and eating for free.

[B]

Go ahead. Bruce. Bruce.

[A]

I dig this scam because it's not hurting anyone, but really helped assist out during a rough time. I hope you're proud. Love you. Stay skimmy. I love this too, because I'm guessing that if your mom drove home, I'm guessing if you were like, I'm gay. And then your mom immediately, like, hopped in her Ford Fiesta and just, like, peeled out, like, you probably didn't have much financial support.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm really happy for you that you found a way.

[B]

I'm. I mean, I am very proud of this scam. It's a beautiful scam and I fucking respect it. It kind of reminds me of a little scam that I was sort of a part of in college. When I moved into. We had apartment. It was a tiny school, so we had apartments. Like after your freshman year, you moved into apartments. And so we had this like four bedroom apartment and it was me and three other. Well, technically it was only me and two other girls, which I thought it was three other girls the whole time. And then. Yeah.

[A]

And so were they joking with you? They're like, oh, yeah, Shayna also lives here. You'll see her eventually.

[B]

Well, you just don't really. I don't know, I just was like, oh, these are my roommates. Like, I just. I wasn't really thinking. And they were in. It was like, there was two bedrooms, so I had one, you know, my roommate who was never fucking there. And then there was the other girls in the other room. And it wasn't until like. Like, I remember my actual roommate being like, oh, yeah, so. And so she's gonna just like, see, stay here for like a while. But she said it in such a vague, ambiguous way, and I was like, okay, I don't really know what that means, but ain't none of my business. It's fine. And then I found out like three weeks later, like, the bitch don't go to school here, but she's like my best friend still. Like, we're still friends to this day.

[A]

That was probably somebody trying to supplement their income and was like, yeah, you can come live in my college dorm. Just throw me a few hundred bucks.

[B]

Well, she. She didn't have. She didn't pay anything. She just. Yeah, she just. I don't think she did. I mean, maybe they had an arrangement, but I mean, you have to remember

[A]

they had to have had an arrangement because if she told you the girl was staying there, she got something out of it.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

I got to.

[B]

I got to hit it because I Still talk to both of them. I got to hit them up and see. But, like, yeah, I thought she just did it out of the charity because, like, what? I guess maybe she could help her pay, like, her little.

[A]

To her little room and she was helping somebody. And then it was probably a good deal because the room and board situation is usually cheaper than getting, like, a real life apartment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But actually, sometimes it's not because I live in a very expensive dorm.

[B]

Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. So I was like, I don't really know who it was. Funny too, because, like, we would all get up to go to school, to class, and then, like, she would get up and, like, go to the university down the street. It was like the rants. Like, girl.

[A]

I also remember when I didn't know what money cost because there were these girls who lived. I went to school in Pittsburgh and there was these girls who lived in this, like, Bouquet. Not Bouquet. I lived in Bouquet, but like, this, like, apartment complex that was over the really nice fancy grocery store. They paid 800amonth. And I remember thinking, like, oh, my God, that's so expensive. Like, I'm paying 400amonth to live in my apartment. You know, way down here, I could have definitely ganked my parents into paying 800amonth and lived in that nice apartment. I just didn't know how to finesse at that time. Because when I moved to New York, I was paying 1,200amonth and they were paying it. I didn't pay for rent when I lived in New York City. I just worked on my craft.

[B]

Must be nice.

[A]

My parents told me I would go to college for free, and I told them I didn't want to go to college, and they forced me. So I was like, somebody's paying up for this. I went full white, girl. I was like, you know, I didn't want to go to college.

[B]

Shut up, bitch.

[A]

Mom.

[B]

Swear to fucking God.

[A]

I swear to God. Gotta kill you guys.

[B]

I make you a fucking pipe. I'm right now under your bed.

[A]

My cousin actually did that to my grandma. He made a bomb under the bed. He didn't know how to make bombs. He wasn't good at bombs. Like, what the fuck? But it, like, caught fire and, like, it was a small fire. Oh, my God. How old was your cousin? I think he was, like, late child. Like, you know, like the early nines and tens, elevens.

[B]

Oh, my fucking God.

[A]

Yeah, he tried to make a bomb. It just caught fire. But it was very funny to me

[B]

to hurt Your grandma?

[A]

Yes. Cause he was mad at her. My grandma had a firm hand, but she was funny as hell. She also had. You know how every black person has that tin box of cookies that when you open it, ain't never no cookies in it?

[B]

Sewing supplies.

[A]

I opened it. Yeah, normally. Sewing supplies. Yeah. It was in my grandma's sewing room. I opened it. It was a gun in there.

[B]

You know what? Okay, I see why he put a bomb under her.

[A]

Oh, rest in peace, Mildred. I love you. All right, so now we have. Oh, our next.

[B]

What was in the empty butter containers in your fridge? God damn it.

[A]

Bullets? No. So our next scam from college or from school is a server scam. It says. Hey, I know you won't read the nice stuff. I'm not gonna read it, but I love you so much. Let's get down to business. Name for me, Priscilla?

[B]

Loquacious.

[A]

Loquacious. I like that. Talks a lot.

[B]

That's a real name, right? There's Black Loquaciouses.

[A]

No, Loquacious is just a word that.

[B]

No, I know it is, but I feel like it's also an. I was going to say Matt, but that's a blatant lie.

[A]

Meta. Loquatious. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this. So says, let's get down to business to beat the Huns. Doesn't say that, but that's what I wanted to say. Okay, let's get down to business. I'm emailing you with a retired scam I used to run while I was in grad school. To make extra money, I started working as a server at a live music bar in St. Louis, Missouri. The bar converted from a restaurant to a bar around 10:00pm and stayed open until 3:00am okay, St. Louis, 3:00am we closed at 2:00am in LA.

[B]

Boo.

[A]

4:00am in New York.

[B]

Hey. Hi.

[A]

One night, my boss asked me if I was interested in joining their security team. Being the aspiring butch lesbian I am, I took any opportunity to look tough and wear giant boots.

[B]

I like that. I like that. Loquacious knows her brand.

[A]

Aspiring butch lesbian. Very specific brand.

[B]

Very specific.

[A]

I spend a lot of time at. What was I gonna say? Not Jeffrey Campbell. What are those boots?

[B]

You see the devil. That's. That's why you're not saying nothing. Because the devil you see. You see. I want everybody to know the evil that's in Lacey's heart. I'll be trying to take Kataka off the ledge.

[A]

Doc Martin. I spent a lot of time with Doc Martin.

[B]

She was thinking about it. That Whole time.

[A]

I have a lot of flannels. Okay. We love to see it. So my boss told me that the job would be to collect a five dollar cover fee at the door. A fee that he said only appl. He offered to pay me $80 to do the job for him. So being a poor grad student, I eagerly agreed. The first night I worked the door, I had a lot of fun. I got to wear my giant boots, Doc Martin, listen to live music, make frat boys, pay up and get paid 80 bucks.

[B]

Let me tell you something. I've worked the door before. It is a hootin good time. It's fantastic. It's a lot of fun. Until they get angry at you, but it is a lot of fun. And I had like one of those little ear things. I'd be like, we not letting this one in. I need three to the front, please. Three to the front.

[A]

Not you with the earpiece on. Fake secret service ass.

[B]

I was like, I. But see, I was a cool bitch, you know?

[A]

We got a 41 1, we got a 411. What's that mean? That means I want this nigga number.

[B]

Somebody get it? Basically.

[A]

Oh, gosh. So I was surprised at how much money coming in. It looked like thousands. And by how often my boss was stopping by to refill my money bag with ones instead of the 20s and 50s I was breaking. At the end of the night, I handed my boss the money back and he gave me $80 and I left. 80 ain't enough, Bab. If he make it. That you should have seen. Also, he can't keep count of how many people coming inside. Did you have a cookie cookie counter thing?

[B]

Was you. She might have had a cookie cookie counter thing, I don't think. But you don't have to click if you don't want to click.

[A]

You don't have to click if you don't want to click. Girl, baby girl, you could have kept some of them 5020s, let me tell you.

[B]

The question is, how long Was the shift? 80 is a cute fucking flat rate for.

[A]

For an hour.

[B]

Bitch, you. You is a fancy hoe for some to work the dough. You ain't got no. She had no experience.

[A]

Who has door experience? What is that? What does that do?

[B]

I do. I just told you I do.

[A]

How did you get it? You had to have obviously worked inexperienced at some point to work the door. Nigga, I don't walk through many doors. Does that give me door experience?

[B]

Don't you disrespect my profession like that. You Rude bitch.

[A]

I've held many doors. Does that give me door experience?

[B]

You don't hold doors. You make the security do that. You just look at the list and you take your bribes.

[A]

That's another thing too, is like, if you work at the door, I hope sis was like, we really can't let you in tonight. And then make some people pay extra.

[B]

Like, you got to do it.

[A]

I've bribed a bouncer before, which, as a woman, I'm not proud that I had to do that. But it was like a really packed night and Rihanna had already walked in. And like, we call it Rihanna hours. If you go to the club after Rihanna walks in, you're like, no matter how cute you are, it's about to be a wrap. So I was like. It wasn't even pay like a cover. It was like handshake. Just let us in.

[B]

Yeah, I. One time I had a. I'll never forget this. I went to the club with some. A couple friends, and one was a. I guess you. What do you call them these days? Porn Sex workers. Well, but like. But not just sex worker. Like in porn.

[A]

Oh, so she's a porn star. That's.

[B]

I think porn stars are fine.

[A]

I would say porn star.

[B]

Porn star's fine. Yeah. I think it's child.

[A]

The terms are changing all the time.

[B]

Somebody correct us if we need it.

[A]

I don't know how my momma be keeping up your mom.

[B]

What?

[A]

Porn actress?

[B]

A porn actress?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Star is. What's wrong. Anyway, star is great. Star sounds great. Porn star.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She was a porn star. And this was at the W, right over, you know, in Hollywood. And she was like. We were in the car and she's like, oh, God, we can't. Oh, this is the line. Okay, hold on. I'm gonna go suck the bouncer's dick. And we got in. I swear to God. True story. True story.

[A]

She probably didn't have to suck the dick, though.

[B]

And there I was like, this seems like we went from. You could have offered a. Or we went from zero. We could have put a plate, collected

[A]

some, you know, sent a nude. What about a tasteful nude girl?

[B]

Yes. I will never forget. I was like this. I'm. I'm glad it ain't me, and I'm still getting in.

[A]

Also, dick sucking is a lot of work. That seems just like too much work for to get into the club.

[B]

I mean, you know, to each their own,

[A]

I guess. So it says. The following night, my boss asked me to help out again. I agreed the night was pretty much the same. And at the end of the night, I gave my boss the money back. He paid me and I left, only to realize once I walked out the door that I forgot my jacket inside. When I walked inside to grab it, I bumped into my boss, who looked like he was quickly stuffing something in his backpack. One week later, my boss posted on Instagram that he bought himself an entire DJ setup, a home gym and new Jordans. I don't know how expensive that is, but it wasn't cheap. This was then when I realized my boss was making me an accomplice in his weird, sexist, aspiring DJ cover cover fee scam.

[B]

This is.

[A]

So I guess it's sexist because they were only charging men.

[B]

But like, okay, I see.

[A]

I don't know if that's sexist because men deserve to be charged to go anywhere. Men shouldn't be able to walk into any institution without paying a cover the bank.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Target my house. My house everywhere. Because men, they do too much.

[B]

So what she's saying basically, is that he was making up this fake fee to get in and just pocketing it. See, I see. I wanna. He was also putting her at risk

[A]

because if someone came to the club and was like, yo, what is this? It's not what we do here. She would have been at fault.

[B]

But I mean, yeah, but she could always be like, I just followed orders.

[A]

True.

[B]

And it was like day two for her. They'd be like, oh, sorry, apologies, or fired her. But yeah, I, I, you know, I don't. I get, I get it if it was like, if the guy was making up his own. Because, like, but everybody was agreeing to. Right. Cause, like, the bouncers saw it. Everybody saw it.

[A]

So he was paying everybody out a

[B]

little bit, but he.

[A]

80 ain't enough for me to take the money. If I took 80, I'm gonna be skimming the whole time.

[B]

Well, that's why I would love a fucking prologue prologue or epilogue epilogue to this. Because I'm hoping that after you figure this out, you were like, yeah, my fee's gott.

[A]

Or at least you could have been like, after 10 o', clock, you start taking 10. And then he said he only want five, so you give him the five, you take the other five for yourself.

[B]

You needed to negotiate some kind of shit. Because 80 is not enough for. For as much as he was making on a scam and doing no work. Yeah, that's why I'm like, what was he. Was he the. What again? Now?

[A]

The manager?

[B]

He was just the manager.

[A]

And now him Getting on Instagram and not you clocking him on Instagram. Like, oh, he got a new drum set. Like, I bet she. She was over there on yamaka.com, what's called Yamaha. She was on Yamaha. Like, how much do drum sets cost?

[B]

I'm like, isn't that a motorcycle? I don't know. I think they do a lot of things.

[A]

Yamaha got pianos, do they? I had a Yamaha.

[B]

Oh, well, I wouldn't know.

[A]

Now I gotta Google. Cause you make me insecure about this.

[B]

No, no, no, no, you're right. Yamaha's like. Sony's, like, they make everything. Samsung. I think I meant. Well, them too. They make everything.

[A]

Really? Let's see. Yamaha, they do make motorcycles. They make ATVs. Yamaha music. Yes. So they do make musical. I believe it because I was like, I had a Yamaha piano. That's what I thought. So I hope that you got more out of this scam than what's written here, sis, because we're concerned. We're deeply concerned.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Also, as you know, a queer icon, we want to make sure that you're back.

[B]

Queer icon.

[A]

All right, we have one more university scam. All right, give me a name, quick.

[B]

I mean, I'm fucking up, dawg. Cause every time I give a female name, it's a male. Oh, Jamie. Gender neutral.

[A]

Oh, yeah, perfect. Jamie Fox. Love him. Eric Bishop's his real name. He was born in Turrell, Texas.

[B]

Is he related to you? Aren't you the Bishops?

[A]

Yeah, we're not related, though. We're not related. I don't think we might be. It's a very small town.

[B]

I mean, he's a bishop from Terrell, Texas.

[A]

I won't ever do him.

[B]

You guys look related. You could be siblings, so.

[A]

Oh, God. What if I was related to Jamie Foxx? Wow. Was in a small town.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I don't think that's a leap.

[A]

Probably not. Especially in Terrell, Texas. You know, like, I always had to take anybody that I was dating home. And the whole purpose of that is to make sure they're not your cousin before you fuck them. Ooh, child, you know the country. So I'm all for any scams run on colleges because they're currently scamming me out of thousands. My favorite scams, however, the ones run by the university transportation department, because she is the raggedest bitch of them all. You are right about that. The fact that on top of thousands of dollars I pay to go to school, I have to pay hundreds per semester to simply park my car so I can get to class.

[B]

She preaching.

[A]

She preaches preaching. Context. I'm heated because I live off campus and not close enough to ride the school's bus route to school. I go to a large university in North Carolina. The transportation department is for ticketing students with no restraint or qualms. However, when you need them. My ex friend last year got charged for two parking passes totaling hundreds of dollars. Those scammers are never answering the phone and always out of office. They sure do email you, though, when you get a ticket or something wrong with buying your parking pass. So my scam is that my school, and surely many others, each parking spot on campus requires a permit, right? But there's an exception. Typically, the campus doctor's office has spots reserved for patients. So I have been known to park in a pat spot like I belong there when I'm running late to class. Because, yes, I'm a campus employee and I still have to pay to get to work. As long as you're not parked there all day long, it just looks like you have an appointment and you won't get a ticket. Does this hurt those who have an appointment? I guess, but I'd like to think it's more hurtful to the university.

[B]

That's not right, but go ahead. Can you imagine showing up in your wheelchair with your broken leg?

[A]

You can't park up front. You got a wheel all the way from the back. That ain't right. That ain't right. And, like, we talk about that, too. Like, I have a friend, Santina, who's in a wheelchair, has been for many years, and she's always like, don't use the handicapped bathroom stalls. And I was like, but they're the biggest. And she was like, but have you ever, like, had someone roll up on you, like, while you were in the stalls? I never. She has. She's rolled up on. While they were in the stall.

[B]

Well, that makes sense, because she's using it all the time, right?

[A]

And they were mortified. I was like, I would be mortified. So now I just don't even want to run the risk. So I don't use the handicap bathroom stalls anymore.

[B]

I try not. I don't. I try not to as well, partly because of, like, her posts and stuff. But I've never had it happen ever, where someone's like, excuse me. And I'm like, ooh, never.

[A]

I haven't either. But it makes me nervous to just even think about it happening. Cause I would feel so bad. So it says another tip is if your school hits you with a parking Ticket refute. That bitch. I once cut my ticket price in half by saying the buses were running late and I felt unsafe alone at night waiting to get the bus, which is the truth. So, moral of the story, they'll let you work it down as long as you got some type of car. Not sure if this is good enough to use on the pod, but hope it'll help some broke college girls like me. Yes, it does, Jamie. And I want to say I went to a target on Western and Sunset. If you live in Los Angeles, the new target, the one that they fought so long to not built. And why did I lose my ticket? Because as soon as I pull it out of the machine, I lose it. Like, it's like I'm in my car, and it's like, boop, boop. They give me the ticket, and then it just disappears. I don't know what happens to it. I don't know. It disappeared. And then I went to Target, purchased a lot of things, got a lot of validations to, like. Like, be able to have an hour free. Why? When I'm leaving, I don't have the ticket, but I have the validation. I scan it. They're like, you need the ticket. They're not, I guess, checking the license plate like they do with the other targets, they were like, it's $50 to leave.

[B]

50.

[A]

$50 to leave.

[B]

I. Well, that's like. That's their penalty, right? The lost ticket penalty.

[A]

Yeah, but that's not. I have never seen a lost ticket penalty that high. Normally, It'll be like, 20, maybe 18. 50.

[B]

Did what? Did you pay it?

[A]

Hell, no. I said, I live here now. I. I was like, there's cars behind me, and I will sit here. Because I. I was like, I have nowhere to go. I had plenty of places I needed to be, but I was like. I was like, I'm gonna show them resolve. I was like, I have nowhere to go. I will sit here all night. I am not giving you $50. And then I was like. And also, like, the median income in this neighborhood. No one could survive that kind of

[B]

penalty if they lost their ticket.

[A]

I dragged them. Also, I'm in a new Mercedes.

[B]

Mercedes digging into her YSL bag while saying, this still valid. It doesn't change it.

[A]

I was like, I. I think I'm one of those Karen Twitter snacks. I was like, also, I'm gonna drag you guys on Twitter. I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna drag you for this, because this is absurd. You can't charge me with $50 to get out of a parking garage, you crackhead. So I just sat there. And then finally he was like, okay, I got it down to 10, bitch.

[B]

That's what you should have said all along. I would've slapped that 10 in his face and gone, take this shit.

[A]

Can you imagine hitting someone with money?

[B]

Yes. I've done it before, of course. Fuck outta here.

[A]

Lord Jesus. But yeah, so I sis, you gotta

[B]

do what you gotta do. You are 100% correct that parking in college on campus is absurd. How they get you, especially when it's like, how come this isn't a part of my motherfucking tuition? How come this isn't a part of my motherfucking room and board if I live on campus? Like, this should be included in the fucking fee. But they're like, we don't want you

[A]

to bring a car. And then if people don't bring a car, they get the discount of not having to pay all the parking.

[B]

So how do we get here? If you don't want me to bring a car, how do we get here?

[A]

So we gotta start using our imagination, okay? We gotta get Solange. I saw things I imagined. That's how you get to camp.

[B]

I want a refund on everything I paid this goddamn school.

[A]

All right, guys, that brings us to the end of another Confessions. Guys, if you want to find me, I'm at D I V A L A C I Diva Lacey. On all platforms if you want to follow the show scamgoddesspod. On all platforms if you want to email into the show for a chance to be on either of these shows that scamgoddesspodmail.com, snitch on your friends and family. Just make sure your scam is retired. If you want to find Priscilla Davies,

[B]

you can find me priscilladaviesactor on Instagram and QOTdesert on. On. What's the Twitter? As in Queen of the Desert.

[A]

I always laugh at your Twitter name again, that's Q O T Desert. Guys, is the O a zero?

[B]

Fuck you. It's a regular capital O. I mean, I don't.

[A]

Is it Capital's a zero.

[B]

Fuck, I don't even wanna do this shit. Bye.

[A]

Just search really hard for Bristol.

[B]

Oh, you know what? That's actually.

[A]

It's probably a good advice. All right, guys, we're outta.