Con-Fessions is back!

Summary

Scam Goddess – “Con-Fessions is back!” (July 14, 2022)

Episode Overview

In this long-awaited return of “Con-Fessions,” host Laci Mosley, joined by co-host and friend Priscilla Davies, delivers a hilarious and heartfelt episode shining a spotlight on listener-submitted scam stories. The show kicks off with Mosley and Davies catching up on their hiatus and responding to fans clamoring for the return of the bonus “Con-Fessions” episodes. Laced with vivid banter, millennial observations, and classic Scam Goddess irreverence, the pair dive into two major listener-contributed capers—one a cautionary tale from Greece, the other a local wedding and porn scammer saga. The episode wraps with reflections on scam culture, “millennial mindset,” and a lighthearted close.

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Main Episode Segments

1. The Return of Con-Fessions: Catch Up & Fan Reactions

Timestamps: 00:02 – 03:41

• Opening banter acknowledging fan impatience for new “Con-Fessions” material.
  • Laci: “Y’all been in the comments like, where the fuck are the Con-Fessions episodes, bitch?” [00:10]
  • Priscilla: “Listen, I ran into a fan on the streets, okay? And I got dragged.” [00:21]
• Reflections on podcast hiatus, the pressure from their “con-gregation,” and relatable struggles with millennial burnout.
• Jokes about being “scammed” by the podcast itself for not dropping bonus content, drawing parallels to Rihanna’s music drought.
• Establishing the episode’s informal, confessional tone: “We will stand by nothing we say on this show.” [01:51]
• Warm, self-aware humor about being “tired” and their candid approach to the episode’s content: “We’ll discover it together, which is what we always do.” [02:56]

2. Listener Letter #1: Haralda’s Greece Strip Club Sting

Timestamps: 03:48 – 23:42

The Scam

• Listener “Haralda” recounts a tourist scam while visiting Greece:
  • Approached by a “nice” old man who lures her to a bar under false pretenses of live music.
  • Receives a “free” beer, chats with the bartender and another woman (all suspiciously friendly and attentive).
  • Multiple drinks are poured (none explicitly requested by Haralda), and after 1.5 hours, receives a €1,000 ($1,100 USD) bill covering all drinks consumed.
  • The bar’s bouncer blocks the exit until payment is made; Haralda’s card goes negative, but dispute eventually leads to a refund from her bank.
  • She discovers later it was a strip club, and the scam was orchestrated to intentionally exploit tourists.

Reaction & Breakdown

• Laci and Priscilla riff on the universal experience of tourists being targeted, sharing their own travel tips and family advice:
  • “One of the easiest ways to tell that someone is not from a place is to watch them look up at things and be in awe...you gotta look up like ‘oh, that’s beautiful.’ Look down again.” – Laci [21:44]
• Extended banter about bisexual pride flags and how marginalized identities fly "under the radar," leading to a self-deprecating discussion about never knowing your own flag [06:53 – 08:26].
• Hilarious detour on strip club stereotypes (“Who wants a responsible stripper? Nobody…That’s why they have the day shift, okay?” – Priscilla [17:50]) and Girl Scout cookies (Samoas vs. Samosas).
• Laci: “That’s the point: we did not come here to struggle. And...people are looking at us like we’re crazy. ‘What do you mean you don’t want to sweat and labor for 45 years at a job you hate?’” [09:27]

Memorable Quotes

• “You got a little bit of rhythm. Cause you put these claps in the right place...these are white hands clapping. They’re in the right place.” – Laci, on listener’s animated writing [16:53]
• “After threatening litigation, the business owner bribed me with €150 in front of the police. I mean, it’s Greece, I’m not surprised.” – Priscilla [20:12]

Lesson/Reactions

• Practical travel advice for listeners: Don’t appear lost, don’t look too excited, and beware overly friendly strangers in other countries.
• Both hosts admire Haralda’s positive outlook: “You got your money back and you had an experience…Chalk this up to—you being like me and sometimes going along with a scam because, you’re just like, I don’t know, it’s a Thursday at 4 o’clock and I don’t got shit to do.” – Laci [23:14]

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3. Listener Letter #2: Cleveland’s Homegrown Wedding (and Porn) Scammer

Timestamps: 24:01 – 41:37

The Scam

• Listener “Cleveland” shares a story of “Mario,” a failed musician turned wedding photographer.
  • Mario starts legit, but then “finds easier ways to make money”: offers bundled wedding packages (photos, limo, DJ, photo booth), takes clients’ money, and fails to deliver any services.
  • On the day, brides are left without essential wedding services; when pressed for refunds, Mario claims he felt “threatened” and won’t return money.
  • Sometimes minimal services show up—DJ or limo arrive unpaid—causing more chaos.
  • After further investigation, Mario turns out to be a serial scammer, also posing as a porn producer—tricking women into shoots, then blackmailing them for money or sex under threat of releasing their photos/videos.

Reaction & Breakdown

• Laci and Priscilla lampoon “doing the least for the most money” as the millennial hustle: “How can we do the least amount of work and take all of the money? Because the work is very ghetto.” – Laci [25:24]
• Unpacks the horror of scamming weddings: “...wedding is the day that all eyes are on you…you’re celebrating your love...That day is so special and so important.” – Laci [34:10]
• Absurdity of bundling services: “So I’m gonna take the pictures, I’mma drive y’all, and then I’m gonna hop out...and I’m gonna get on the ones and twos!” – Laci [26:20]
• Analogies to suspicious one-stop-license-renewal store fronts, showing how “too good to be true” deals always are.

Memorable Quotes

• “You felt threatened by them? Listen, I know I was supposed to drive you to and from your wedding and be the DJ and also the photographer...but really, that last email per your last email had really scared me.” – Laci [31:39]
• Judge’s sentencing on Mario: “…had harsh words for Antwon during the sentencing, saying he had shown no remorse for taking money from brides and then providing none of the services they paid for.” – [33:46, read by Priscilla]
• On the sex scam: “Mario was a funny scammer at first...But then you’re also like, a sex criminal. So we don’t—like, fuck you, bro.” – Laci [39:01]

Ethical Reflection

• Both hosts condemn Mario’s exploitation of women, especially those seeking adult work. They call for better protections and unionization in porn, and decry scam culture that actually causes harm.
• Laci: “I wish there were no men in porn...maybe have women dress in men’s suits? Can we do that?” [41:41]
• Both close with harsh words: “Fuck you, Mario. You’re a piece of shit.” [40:39]

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4. Millennial Attitude, Capitalism, and Unsolicited Life Wisdom

Throughout, esp. 09:00 – 14:00

• Tangential rants on the “customer is always right” myth, debunking American service culture, and the changing social contract between labor and consumer.
• “If I’m working a minimum wage job and it’s time to get out, we leaving.” – Laci [12:01]
• Skewering entitled customers in viral videos; empathy for service workers.

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5. Feel-Good Close & Reflections

Timestamps: 42:10 – 44:40

• Laci shares taking a swimming lesson as a “feel-good” cap for a heavy episode.
  • “The water is such a powerful thing…you have to release control, which is really hard for me. So it was very spiritual.” [43:17]
• Priscilla celebrates the skill of swimming, remarking on its importance and the way Black families approach it.
• Laci and Priscilla thank the congregation, promise consistency, and sign off: “Y’all stay scheming, but not like that man.” [44:32]

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Notable Quotes & Highlights

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|-------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:10 | Laci | “Y’all been in the comments like, where the fuck are the Con-Fessions episodes, bitch?” | | 02:13 | Laci | “I ain’t even going to lie to y’all. I’ve been—I’m tired.” | | 09:27 | Laci | “That’s not what we came here for, y’all. That’s the point. We did not come here to struggle.” | | 16:53 | Laci | “These are white hands clapping. They’re in the right place. So come to find out, they were charging the bartender’s drinks...”| | 21:44 | Laci | “One of the easiest ways to tell that someone is not from a place is to watch them look up at things and be in awe...” | | 26:20 | Laci | “So I’mma take the pictures, I’mma drive y’all, and I got tin cans on the back that say just got married…” | | 31:39 | Laci | “You felt threatened by them? Listen, I know I was supposed to drive you to and from your wedding and be the DJ…” | | 34:10 | Laci | “A wedding is your day to be the star…That day is so special and so important…” | | 39:01 | Laci | “You were a funny scammer at first…But then you’re also, like, a sex criminal. So we don’t—like, fuck you, bro.” | | 43:17 | Laci | “The water is such a powerful thing. Like, you—you can float in the water. You can’t fight the water. You can’t panic…” |

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Episode Takeaways

• Tourist scams remain a persistent threat: If it feels fishy, it is. Trust your instincts, and don’t let excitement cloud judgment (especially abroad).
• Bundling too many services is a red flag—be wary of “one-stop” wedding vendors offering everything for a single fee.
• Exploitation in any form is wrong: Even “funny,” low-stakes scams cross the line when they target vulnerable people or special moments (weddings, adult performers).
• Millennial commentary: Work smarter, not harder—but without bringing harm to others.
• Always check the “vibes,” protect yourself, and, most importantly, “stay scheming… but not like that man.”

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Conclusion

With their trademark wit and wisdom, Laci Mosley and Priscilla Davies bring the congregation two unforgettable scam stories, plenty of tangents, and practical advice. The episode is a masterclass in comedic storytelling and social commentary—peppered with pop culture references and community care.

Stay scheming, but ethically, con-gregation!

Transcript

[A]

What's poppin? Secret stitcher congregation. I know y' all been thinking we was scamming y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Y' all been in the comments, like, where the fuck are the Confessions episodes, bitch?

[B]

We were scamming y'. All. It's the truth. We're caught. You got us.

[A]

Y' all finally made us come back to work.

[B]

Listen, I. I ran into a fan on the streets, okay? And I got dragged.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

I got dragged at a birthday dinner, and it was embarrassing. I was like, oh, yeah, they're next week. And, yeah, it's been weeks.

[A]

It's been a lot of weeks.

[B]

It's been a lot of next weeks.

[A]

I love. I love the start of that. Being like, I ran into a fan. I'm thinking like, oh, that's so cute. Like, what did they say about the show? And you're like, and I got dragged. They cussed me out.

[B]

No, they love us. But they were like, so, yeah, what happened?

[A]

Are y' all gonna go back to y' all employments or. No.

[B]

What's really good, right?

[A]

I know. It's like everybody quitting their jobs and stuff. They like, did you quit your job?

[B]

This is part of the great resign. That's true.

[A]

Our stitcher resignation. No, the girls have been tweeting too. They was like, why am I paying for this stitcher? Why are you scamming me? I'm like, it's a back catalog there, too. Like, okay, y'. All. They try to treat us like Rihanna. I'm like, you better hold these panties up to your ear and imagine new music.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

If you're new here, this is Confessions. This is the bonus episode podcast that Priscilla and I do together. My name is Lacey Mosley. You are.

[B]

I am Priscilla Davies.

[A]

Clearly, we haven't done this in a while, because I didn't. Neither of us started it off how it's supposed to start, but we read letters. We read your listener letters that are mostly too long for the show, and we give you feedback, and maybe it's. You know, don't hold us to this. And definitely don't tell anybody that we told you.

[B]

We will stand by nothing we say on the show.

[A]

In case you were wondering, everything is. Who said that? Who said that?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's very Mariah Carey. I don't know her. Okay.

[B]

Period.

[A]

Never met her. Okay. So, guys, you know, I try to make these episodes thematic. I ain't even going to lie to y'. All. I've been. I'm tired.

[B]

Oh, I been in the scre I've

[A]

been in the skirt skirts, okay? I've been on all the cayes. I've been on all the avenues, all the blacks, all, you know, all of them, okay? But I won't lie. I'm trying to be for the cul de sacs. I'm trying to like not be on the streets no more. I don't want to be a hot girl no more. I don't want to be a hat girl no more.

[B]

I mean, I'll always be a hot girl.

[A]

It's a lot of heels, it's a lot of makeup. You know, the girls always want to twerk. I'm laying, everything's tired.

[B]

But.

[A]

So these are listener letters that we've gotten from you guys that are a little hodgepodge. Honestly, I don't even really know what they are, but I think that they're good. We'll see.

[B]

We'll discover it together, which is what we always do.

[A]

Guys, is that just like my framing for being lazy is like, we'll discover it together. Damn, girl, your teeth look white as hell.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

They are really like.

[B]

I mean, I was think. I was just saying, like, I don't know if this. There's like a. I don't think there's a filter on my thing. I'm just like. I guess I'm getting some good light right now.

[A]

You just. I love the humility of being. I don't think there's a. I just look good as fuck. I guess.

[B]

It's just.

[A]

I don't know what's going on. It's just me. It's just me.

[B]

Listen, I'm having a glow up, okay? It's all summer, 2022 and I'm having my glow up.

[A]

And I love that for you. I'm also trying to get glowed and get out the game.

[B]

I feel good.

[A]

So give me a fake name P for this first one. We'll just alternate on these letters.

[B]

Let's call this person Geralda.

[A]

Haralda. This is Haraldo's cousin, Haralda.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Love it. So Haralda says, oh, is this an update? Okay, so Haralda has emailed the podcast before Haralda. So this is an update. So it says another update. Harald, how many times have you emailed us? It says my bank finally settled a dispute and I was able to get my money back. So this must be about a scam that happened. So. So anyway, here's a shorter summary of the scam again. So you send me this.

[B]

Haralda.

[A]

Haralda was like, you didn't put it on the podcast because it was too long and I told y' all about that. But. So this is a truncated version. I recently traveled to Greece for a month. I'm small and blonde, so in Greece, people clock me as a mark from across the damn street. After a hike, a really nice old man approached me on the street. And she has nice in quotes.

[B]

Yeah. Mm.

[A]

So. So clearly not giving nice at the end of the day. So a really nice looking old man approached me on the street and said that he owns the bar down the street and there was gonna be live music happening soon. And you know what? That's how you get a bitch on vacation. Live music. I don't wanna hear no live music in Los Angeles. If you tell me it's live music, I'm not coming.

[B]

But on vacation, I'm there 15 minutes.

[A]

I like to cha cha in the last damn bones.

[B]

Don't let them be singing show tunes. I'll be there.

[A]

I be like, turn it up, Andrew Lord Weber Gang. Gang was like, attend the Taylor, Sydney, Todd. I will be attending, bitch. Okay, let's do it.

[B]

Shit.

[A]

But on vacation though, not. Not for real. So I followed him into the bar and he had the bartender pour me a free also in quotes beer.

[B]

I'm getting worried.

[A]

There's too many quotes around things that shouldn't be quoted. Nice and free. I'm worried.

[B]

Okay. Also I'm wondering, Haralda, if you got these vibes before or this is like in hindsight and Haralda, you know you got these vibes before. We all know from jump. She knew, right?

[A]

But you was down to. You was down to dip a toe

[B]

to see, you know.

[A]

He was like, I'm in Greece.

[B]

Take a little looky look.

[A]

Just a little looky look. Just a little looky.

[B]

See a little listen, listen of live. Live music.

[A]

A little peaky behind the blinders, you know. We see what you doing. So she gets her free in quotes beer. The bartender also poured herself a drink and we sipped and we chatted. Then another lady came and sat with us and poured herself a drink as well. They were super into talking to me, which should have been a red flag because yo bisexual boy isn't the usual type to garner so much attention from good looking women. Okay, but how they gonna know you bisexual? By looking at you. You. Was you wearing a flag T shirt?

[B]

No, but I. I'm assuming. What's our flag?

[A]

Pink and blue and pink. Blue and white is the trans flag. But our flag is like pink, blue and something else.

[B]

I think it's. It's It's. But it's like a darker pink and blue.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a magenta. Like a fuchsia.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cause a trans one is like a light pink. Light blue and white.

[B]

That one. I know. No problem.

[A]

Why don't we know our own flag?

[B]

Cause nobody cares about us.

[A]

Everybody hates us. We're like, okay, it is the dark magenta. Oh, Marina. Marina Areola. She always in town.

[B]

Boogie. Always.

[A]

How many times has Marina had to step into the gap and drag us? Pull us back before we get dragged? No. So it's the darker pink, the purple and then the blue. That's our flag. That's the bisexual flag. Why don't we know that?

[B]

Cause nobody knows. I mean, I knew something. I was like, it's dark, right?

[A]

I know. We have a flag, right? That's because we don't. People are so annoyed by the B and the lgbtqp. It's dark.

[B]

You can't be a hater. Just cause we love a lot we love everybody. Doesn't mean that we don't love.

[A]

They just calling us skanks. That's what it is.

[B]

Basically. It's just. It's hateration. It's holleration on the dancery, you know what I'm saying? At the dancery, you know? Yeah, it's just like, come on, guys. I feel like, you know, I feel like bisexuals are like the Gen X of, like, sexuality. You know what I mean? We're getting bypassed. We're getting ignored.

[A]

Nobody ever talks about Gen X. We don't even talk about them to drag them. We drag the boomers. We drag Gen Z, we drag millennials. And Gen X is just there. Like, what about us? We like you Shut up.

[B]

Like, who. Who is that? Who are you?

[A]

Sit back and what? You had Kurt Cobain sit down in the corner.

[B]

Okay? That fool been dead for. You know what? Sorry. Rest in peace.

[A]

Yes. Not that fool. Why you gotta be a fool?

[B]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kurt.

[A]

We love you, Kurt. We love you, but we really do. I think it's also because Gen X was like the low self esteem generation, because the boomers, like beat the fuck out of them mentally. And then they created millennials because they were like, we're not gonna treat our kids like our boomer parents did. So participation trophies and everybody is special and you're all snowflakes with your own individual design. Then that made us some fucking annoying ass pieces of shit, right? So then everybody be like, why are the millennials not trying to struggle? We're like, no, because we're not.

[B]

That's not what we came here for, y'. All. That's the point. We did not come here to struggle. And the thing what's so crazy is that people are looking at us like we're crazy. Like, what do you mean? You don't want to sweat and labor for 45 years at a job you hate.

[A]

I literally. Oh, my God. I saw this video that is going viral of this black man yelling at these teenagers at the ice cream shop. I think it's the. What's that one where they cook it in front of you? Like, they doing like, teriyaki.

[B]

They do not cook ice cream. Number one.

[A]

What's the teriyaki ice cream shop? Teriyaki.

[B]

It's called Cold Stone.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But yes, it is teriyaki. Yes, that is. That was their original name.

[A]

Here comes Marina again. Coldstone.

[B]

Thank you, Marina. Thank you. I had that one, but thanks for that.

[A]

How could we do this? How could I do any podcast without Marina or Judith? Like, they just be knowing. Yes. So Cold Stone. So he and the cold stone yelling at these teenagers who were. Cause he came in at 8:29 or 8:59, or like, basically one minute before they closed. I think it was 8. It was 8:29.

[B]

I saw this and I just couldn't even get through it because I was like, I don't even wanna know what's going on. Once I heard, well, we came in at 8:59. I was like, oh, yeah, I gotta go. I was like, scrol.

[A]

He was yelling at these teenagers. He was so entitled. And I was of two minds. The capitalist minded. Me, who's worked in retail is like, I looked at the clock on the POS system. It's 8:47. So for all the time that y' all just been hollering at this man, you could have just scooped him some ice cream and kicked his ass out. I. I'm very much a problem solver. But then the other part of me that's like, fuck. Capitalism is like, these people don't get paid to clean up after the clock. So if they already done dip the spoons in the hot water and they done put all the. Put the tops on the ice cream, they ain't cooking no more ice cream.

[B]

There is. We're done cooking the ice cream. Okay?

[A]

The kitchen is closed.

[B]

The ice cream kitchen, the teriyaki ice cream kitchen is closed. Okay?

[A]

So it's like, I kind of get why we, you know, as millennials, are like, we not about to eat shit for very little money. And so many people in the comments were like, well, it's called, you know, taking care of the customer. And da da da da. The customer's always right. The customer always right is one of the most bullshit ass phrases that America put us in. The customer is not always right, bitch. And you could take your ass home with your D like and don't have to shop here again. We got other customers, period. The entitlement of our country when it comes to consumerism is absolutely insane. If I'm working a minimum wage job and it's time to get out, we

[B]

leaving and that, you know, and it's funny, the little part that I did see of that video, he's like, you know, yapping, yapping. And they're like, well, we wanna go home. And then they got quiet for a second and I was like, yeah, dawg, they wanna go home. And I could tell for a minute it clicked for him, for the cause. It was him and a woman, right?

[A]

Yeah, it was. These weren'. I don't even know if that was a woman. I know at least the boy was 16 because she was like, he's 16 and you're trying to fight him like he is a minor. What are you doing? And the craziest part about it was he was there with a woman and the woman was like, he just met my four year old for the first time. And we just wanted to commemorate this moment with ice cream. She's trying to sell the sob story and I'm thinking, why would you ever want a man who is this petulant, who is not a problem solver, who is angry and is yelling at children around your four year old daughter like women, we down bad. We are down sad, real bad, sad down.

[B]

I don't know anything that rhymes.

[A]

You should have scooped your baby up, stand up, stand up and ran with your baby like you was Halle Berry at the end of one of her movies where she lost her baby because she always losing a baby in a movie. She said she wanted to play Zendaya's mother in a movie. And somebody retweeted it was like losing Zendaya. Oh, because you know if Halle got a baby, that baby gonna get lost.

[B]

Moral in the story. Don't let your children around Hallelujah.

[A]

Because they don't get took.

[B]

You'll never see him again.

[A]

How? How has she not made an appearance in one of the Taken franchises yet? Because that's her lane. That's her bread and butter baby. Her baby gon get took. Liam Neeson and Halle Berry need to pair up and look for her baby.

[B]

Look for her baby. I don't know why I feel like JLO would be a great addition to that cast.

[A]

Oh, yeah, because of Enough. Because that's when she was trying to get her baby and herself out the game.

[B]

Yo, Enough was one of the best movies, One of the underrated, best movies out there.

[A]

That's just.

[B]

I will never forget. I will never forget. When I watched it, it was like, on TV by that point. Cause I was like, I would never watch this dumb shit.

[A]

It always plays on E. In the afternoon on the weekend.

[B]

I started watching it. I started watching it. Three minutes in, I'm doing air kicks in my freaking apartment. Okay? I mean, it was such a random movie, but it was so fucking good.

[A]

It was so good. They were like, if he's a coward, then surely he will kick you. And then she was laying there all dead, like, I'm dead. And then had eyes closed, and then he came with that foot. And she was like, yeah, nigga, I knew he was gonna k. Cause you ain't shit now. Imma kill you so good.

[B]

Also, like, who's this random dude? The random old black man who just was like, I'm gonna teach you to fight.

[A]

You know they need a sage black person in the movie, right? They're like, she'll be Asian.

[B]

Two on the head. Let's make him black.

[A]

Right? Right. If he was Asian, teacher kung fu or something. Oh, God, is that racist? No, I'm not being racist. We're saying they chose to have calling out Hollywood. Yeah, they had a magical negro. And they were like, get that magical negro who appears out of nowhere, and he just teaches her everything she needs to know.

[B]

And he also has a gym in his basement, because why wouldn't he?

[A]

He's a magical negro.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

Whatever she needed, he was gonna have. And he had a good voice. It's like the nigga from Allstate telling you to fight. Use them hands. It's not. It's not. You're in good hands anymore. It's like, toss them hands.

[B]

Toss them hands.

[A]

Love it. So we back to you a bisexual who nobody would know is a bisexual. Unless them. Unless you're wearing the flag T shirt, which they still probably wouldn't know because bisexuals don't know the flag, period. We know everybody else flag. I think it's because we was trying to hop under they shit. We were like, we know y' all don't like us, so we just gonna hop under y' all flag, period.

[B]

Give me that rainbow.

[A]

We do what we gotta do, okay? So they're talking to this person, they're talking to Haralda. And Haralda's like, why are y' all so interested in me? Like, it's, I'm a bisexual. So then Geralda says, I tried to leave after an hour, but they opened a bottle of champagne and poured me a glass. 1.5. You know, bisexuals do love champagne.

[B]

It's true, we do.

[A]

One and a half hours later, she brought me the check and it came out to a thousand euros, which is like 1100 dollars USD, roughly. And then with the claps. With the claps, it says, I only had three drinks, exclamation point. And you got a little bit of rhythm. Cause you put these claps in the right place.

[B]

I'm proud of these.

[A]

Cause these are white hands. These are white hands clapping. They're in the right place. So come to find out, they were charging the bartender's drinks, the other lady's drinks, and lort with a T. Lord knows who else's drinks to my tab without me knowing. The bouncer blocked the door and wouldn't let me leave till I paid. I went negative in my bank account, but disputed the charge with my bank. I also later found out that it was a strip club. And I was like, what in the damn hell am I doing here at 4pm on a Thursday? Yeah, that's not the good time to go to the strip club. That's when they have all the B strippers out, you know?

[B]

That's like when they have the lunch specials. That means you shouldn't be there.

[A]

No, you should not be there for no kind of food special at the strip club. Those are the strippers who are like. They have like, all strippers at any time of day can have kids, but these are the responsible strippers who are like my kids in school. So I'm gonna shake this ass till 3 o' clock and then I gotta get a carpool.

[B]

And let's be real, who wants a responsible stripper? Nobody. So that's why. That's why they have the day shift, okay?

[A]

They barely throwing ass.

[B]

Barely.

[A]

They're like, I'm just here so I don't get fired.

[B]

They're FaceTiming their kids on the stage, okay?

[A]

They're like, I got side for this shit. I'm just trying to make my little check and go get it. We get it. You know, that's like when you get like a real 9 to 5. Like that's a 9 to 5 stripper. You don't want a 9 to 5 stripper.

[B]

No, I want a fucking, like, the 4am Stripper. That's what the fuck I want. Okay?

[A]

Right. I want 4am champagne room ass shots.

[B]

Just throwing it, you know, I just want horrible things. Just anything dark, you know, and unsavory.

[A]

That's what I want out of my strip club. Okay. Yeah. I don't want the daytime stripper who's like, yeah, I also sell leggings. And it's like, girl, we don't.

[B]

No, no. But I will look at those press on nails, right?

[A]

I don't want you to come over here and be like, you want a private dance? And then I get into the champagne room, and you pull out a box of Girl Scout cookies combo. How many of these you want to get?

[B]

No, I mean, that would actually be kind of dope.

[A]

It would. Oh, Eat some tagalongs while some ass in your face.

[B]

Some samosas. Ooh.

[A]

Which is the bad? Samosas is. Or Samoas is the bad? Bitch. Of all the Girl Scout cookies.

[B]

Oh, it is no wonder why I love them the most.

[A]

To me, it's the baddest. Like, you know, that sugar cookie, the tagalog, the mint, the thin mints, all that shit. Y' all in backseat. Y' all in the backseat. Cause samosas is driving the bus, period.

[B]

I'm pretty sure it's Samoa. Is it Samoa? Samosa is the

[A]

Samoans.

[B]

Is it? Wait, now I'm confused again.

[A]

Why do y' all listen to us? We don't know anything.

[B]

Marina, where are you Samoans? Thank you. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you, Judith. Y', all, we done. Why y' all be listening to this? But listen, we try to get y' all to answer because there's nothing I hate more than in a podcast. When they do something and they say something, they're like, oh, I don't know what it is. And then they just move on. And I'm like, no, I know what it is. Say it. So I feel good. So anyway, he was like, you know, gerald is like, the fuck am I doing at the daytime strip club? Right after threatening litigation, the business owner bribed me with €150 in front of the police.

[B]

I mean, it's Greece. I'm not surprised.

[A]

So for all your listeners, don't trust people who are too nice, especially when you're a country where you don't speak the native language. Longtime listener of the show. You always bring a smile to my face. Thanks for doing what you do. Thank you, Geraldo.

[B]

Thank you, Haralda. Yeah, I mean, Geralda, I think you already knew you were fucking up from the beginning. Let's just be clear, like you're in a foreign country. Like you said, you're little and blonde in a country full of dark headed hoes. Okay? And you know, you just like you said, I mean, if you gotta put quotes around something you already know. But you know what, Geraldo, I'm not even mad at you. Cause I would've done the same thing, I'm not gonna lie. I'd have been in the same predicament.

[A]

Especially because it sounds like you were alone, Heraldo. So you was out here trying to see the sights. And one thing that I do have as a piece of advice that I got from my mother, and I've said this before, if you are in a foreign place, like it could be a city that you don't live in in the States or Canada, Nigeria, or where the fuck you're listening to this podcast from, don't be looking around like you can't, you can't.

[B]

Hey, hey. I know you're not looking around in a foreign country.

[A]

I know you. I know you.

[B]

Not on my watch.

[A]

I know you on vacation and I know you want to see the sights and I know you want to put your eyeballs on them. But one of the easiest ways to tell that someone is not from a place is to watch them look up at things and be in awe or happy or like they don't, they're not just looking straight ahead. Now I'm not saying don't get your

[B]

glasses, look happy and don't look around. Be angry and look straight.

[A]

Now get your glasses in. You can definitely get your glasses in. Cause you on vacation, don't miss them glances, you know, but that's what you paid for. But you gotta get glances, they gotta be quick. You gotta look up like, oh, that's beautiful. Look down again.

[B]

If you're smart, you would get you a mirror and just get angles. Just look at things from your mirror, okay. And never look up.

[A]

Turn your front facing camera on and hold your phone down and make it look like you're looking at your phone, but really it's showing you the sky.

[B]

You're actually sightseeing. Yeah, the smart way, the way AAA tells us when we travel. Okay, Right.

[A]

Because I remember I was in New York for the first time, New York City, when I was 12. And I've said this before on the pod, but like looking around and I was like, new Year, like I was Just like, oh, this city's so amazing. I'm gonna move here one day and be a star. And my mom, like, hit me in the shoulder and was like, stop looking around so much. You're going to get us robbed.

[B]

At least your mom always has sense. But of course, I mean, oh, my God. I remember when I went to. When I went to Haiti with my mom, and she was like, don't speak English anywhere. I was like, literally. And we were like, well, that's all we speak. So we would have to just be silent, like, out in the streets. She was like, you better not open your mouth.

[A]

She hit you with the juice. Scott. Just be silent.

[B]

Literally.

[A]

Literally, don't say nothing. Cause you go get us robbed, period. I mean, look, Karlda, you had an experience. You got your money back and you had an experience. So I'mma chalk this up to you being like me and sometimes going along with a scam because you're just like, I don't know, it's a Thursday at 4 o' clock and I don't got shit to do.

[B]

I'm a blonde, petite person in Greece.

[A]

What else am I going to do but get robbed? It feels like the right thing, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not mad at it. I'm not mad at it at all. And it's a great story. So let's get into our next. And you got this one, P. We're only gonna get two scam stories this episode. Look, this. This is the. The season two opener, okay?

[B]

So you're gonna have to bear with us.

[A]

You're gonna have to bear with us.

[B]

We're getting it, okay? We're getting there.

[A]

We're gonna give you two scams in this one. We'll pack in more scams in the next one, but you're only getting two this time.

[B]

All right, so what you got for us, P? Okay, so can we get a name?

[A]

Yes, we can. The name is Cleveland.

[B]

Ooh, Cleveland. We love it. I wonder if that has a special meaning behind it.

[A]

But anyway, it does. It's the same thing that I just sent you.

[B]

Gross. Anyway, so Cleveland says, so I'll leave the compliments at the bottom. Thanks, Cleave. I think this could serve as a what's hot and fraud, but could maybe be better as a historic hoodwink. I went to high school with this guy, so if your researcher needs background, have them hit me up.

[A]

Okay, that's just trying to write a whole episode. Cleveland.

[B]

Cleveland. Okay, so Mario was a failed musician. C. Mario Six String, who became a wedding photographer. At first, he seemed pretty legit. A lot of high school friends used him for weddings, and his pictures were good. He even talked to me about helping out as he was getting so much business. Then he decided there were easier ways to make money. He tell the brides, right, it already

[A]

sus easier ways to make money. He said, why am I working for the money when I could just take the money and not do no work? That seems like, honestly, that. To tie back into our millennial thing. That's millennial. We, like, look, how can we do the least amount of work and take all of the money? Like, because the work is very ghetto. Like, you want me to do the work?

[B]

No, I just want the money. Yeah, that's it.

[A]

Yeah. And I want to leave and to go. I want to leave. We like, if they had that bread, they leave, period. That's all we want.

[B]

So, yeah. So he's like, easier ways to make money. He tell the brides that he would take care of everything, so they only had to make one payment to get photographer, limo, dj, photo booth, et cetera, et cetera. So now he's about to. He's like, you know those photographer and limo.

[A]

He's doing too much. Those are all together. And dj, you do all three of those. Listen, I'mma take the pictures. I'mma drive y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

And I got tin cans on the back. Let's say, just got married. I got y', all, and then I'm gonna hop out. When we get to the reception, I'm gonna hop out the car, and I'll park it, and then I'm gonna get.

[B]

I'm gonna run around, snap a couple shots.

[A]

I'm gonna get some shots, and I'm gonna get on the ones and twos. And then while the songs is playing, I'm gonna take some more pictures, and I'm gonna go back to the.

[B]

I'm taking pictures the whole time. By the way, just so you know, regardless of what you see me doing,

[A]

I'm still taking pictures in between transitions of the music. I'm gonna be getting them snaps, flicking it up, and then I'm gonna.

[B]

Okay. And I might even mix a couple drinks for you guys if I'm feeling saucy.

[A]

Okay. Who's tailoring your wedding dress?

[B]

It's giving, you know, those, like, little storefronts that are like, taxes, notary mortgages,

[A]

driver's license renewal, driver's plate renewal.

[B]

We are a DMV license signatory here.

[A]

But wait, why is that where I got my fucking plates renewed? It was not at the dmv. I went to one of those, like, places that it's like, we'll mail your packages, we'll renew your driver's license, we'll renew your plates. Like, do your registration.

[B]

I need to do that next time. What the hell am I doing?

[A]

It's faster. There's no line.

[B]

Well, I do it online. That's what it is.

[A]

Yeah. Because I wait too long and then when I be trying to do it online, they'd be like, girl, you a criminal now. Like, you need to go in person and they need to look at you

[B]

and alarm goes off.

[A]

We decided it's been too long and now we need to look at you in the face because we don't know what's going on because we have a

[B]

warrant out for your arrest. That's. That's what it is.

[A]

I got so lucky the last time I got pulled over by a black cop. I always know when I go to Beverly Hills that there is a risk that I'm going to get pulled over when my plates are expired and I had put some highlighter on them to try to match the new plate color.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

But like, in Beverly Hills, they go run your plates because they're bored and they gotta get a check and so they'll run your plate. So anytime a cop gets behind me, I'm like, fuck. I try to switch over lanes. Like, I try to make a quick right hand turn because I'm like, this nigga is gonna sit at the light and run my plates. And they ran my plates, but it was a black dude who pulled me over. And like, that don't matter. Like, cops are cops.

[B]

Not in LA especially.

[A]

You're a part of an oppressive system. You're part of the clan. Like, you gotta operate within that. Even if you are a quote unquote, good cop who got into it for the right reasons. Reasons. You're in a system that is literally making you bad because it upholds oppression. And it was made for that.

[B]

So.

[A]

And protecting property. And that's it. Because the cops always be like, oh, when you need help. If it's preemptive, they'd be like, is somebody dead? No. Okay, well, call us when somebody dead and then we gonna come.

[B]

No, they do nothing.

[A]

They don't prevent.

[B]

I've never been helped. But even. Still, even. But even afterwards, like, they show up 47 years later, if they show up at all, you know, they don't give a fuck.

[A]

They, you know, they. And they might harm you when you call them. I remember the last time I called the cops because my mom made me, because it was some white people knocking at my bedroom door and she thought I was gonna get murdered. And like, when they showed up, they looked at the lightest person, was like, you must be in the right. And I was like, oh, why did I call the cops? Why did I do this? Cause they gonna kill me.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

That Dave Chappelle joke is so true. And that man is a terf. And I loved his comedy so much. And he has disappointed my soul because I've looked up to him my whole life. I've looked up to him my whole life. And it's just so disappointing to see him turn into old man. Shakes fists at cloud and does bad turf jokes that aren't funny and are hurting our people. But anyway, he had that joke that was like, the cops show up and they shoot. Cause it was a real life thing that happened. The cops showed up and like gunned down black people who called the cops because they were robbed. And then the cops. He was like, the cops go in the house. And they were like, this is a real crime, Joseph. Like, this black family broke in and put pictures of themselves all over the house, everywhere,

[B]

right?

[A]

So, like, yeah, we don't be doing that. But he pulled me over and he was like, you know, your tags are like hella expired. And I was like, it was the pandemic. And also, like, I'm a woman and I'm stupid and what do I have to say for you not to tow my car?

[B]

Is this where I start crying? Okay.

[A]

Yep. And I have cried in front of cops. I'm like, oh, this. This is. That's why I gotta start crying. Come on, Waterworks. Come on, Viola. Get that Carrie Washington lip quiver going. I am fucking the President.

[B]

It's so cold.

[A]

Like, bitch, it's 85 degrees. I'm like, so cold. It's. Cause I'm anemic. Cause of my lady bleeding. Like, just gotta do whatever I can. No, but, yeah. So we very much know how the cops work. Don't know how we got on that tangent. But back.

[B]

Okay, so, all right. So then the wedding day would roll around and nobody would show up, leaving a distraught bride in a bind. And caused heroes to step in and take his place. When they would call for a refund, he would say he felt threatened by them. That's why he hadn't come and wouldn't be returning their money. What is going on?

[A]

You felt threatened? Threatened by them? Listen, I know I was supposed to drive you to. And from your wedding and be the DJ and also the photographer. But really, like, that last email per. Your last email had really scared me, and that's why I didn't come. Also, like, people having to show up to a wedding, there's no. So somebody got to be like, who got that good Spotify without the commercials? Who gonna be the dj?

[B]

All the hands go down. Once they say no commercials, all the hands go down.

[A]

What's the latest version of the iPhone? And do you have it? IPhone13 stand up. Cause y' all gonna be the wedding photographer. Can you. What the fuck?

[B]

Dc here's the thing about this scam that's pissing me off. Wait, what does this part mean? I'm confused by the heroes and caused heroes to step in and take.

[A]

Because heroes are nice people. Maybe last minute people that they have to try to hire. Or maybe it's people who are at the wedding party. That's what I'm saying. Why I' iPhone 13 stand up. Y' all are the wedding photographer. Who got that Spotify? No commercials. That Pandora, no commercials. Y' all stand up. You are now the dj. Like, you know, who got a car with a big back seat, who's driving the Prius?

[B]

Who's got a pickup?

[A]

But like, this dude taking us to our honeymoon. Now you got cans. Put them on the back.

[B]

Just. But like, the fact that this dude, like, factored this into his scam, like, okay. And then like, other people are gonna have to like, dawg, this is the weirdest sc. Cause I mean, how many times do you think you're gonna get away with

[A]

this before your reputation starts to precede

[B]

you, before you get your ass beat, period? You know what I mean? Like, what the fuck? Okay, so Fox 4 talks about one time that a DJ and limo did show up to the wedding, but each mentioned at the end that they had not been paid and who was going to take care of that? Now, as you can see in the articles above. Thank you. Thanks to cum journalist persistence. Thank you. I don't know what that means. Johnny Law finally caught up with old Mario, and he was going to do some real time. And the judge was not happy. Jackson County. Oh, this is a quote, by the way. Jackson county circuit court judge Bob Schneider Scheiber, sorry. Had harsh words for Antwon during the sentencing, saying he had shown no remorse for taking money from brides and then providing none of the services they paid for. Many of them did not discover they had been ripped off until their wedding day, end quote.

[A]

And I have to say that Mario One, this is really fucked up because, like, a wedding is your day to be your. The star. Like, if you're not in entertainment or whatever, like, the wedding is the day that all eyes are on you. You're celebrating your love. It's really hard to find somebody to love. Like, you know, you out here on these hinge dates, like, back to back to back. You out here on Tinder. You out here, like, you know, hitting up your married friends. Like, when is the pot. Look, are y' all gonna set me up with somebody? Like, it's hard to find somebody that you're compatible with and that you want to love, and you want to celebrate that with your closest friends and family. So that day is so special and so important, and then you're ripping off these nice people who are just trying to, like, celebrate their love. Also, he switched the scam up, which is how I know he knew exactly what he was doing. He first started with, like, oh, y' all was intimidating me. That's why I didn't come and be your DJ and your party planner and make your wedding dresses and cook up the cocktails and drop y' all off to y' all honeymoon and whatnot.

[B]

Cook the ice cream, too, right?

[A]

That's why he's like, I ain't cook the ice cream. Cause y' all was mean. And then he switched it up to hiring people and then fucking took the money. And then took the money and then told them that, like, oh, yeah, when you pull up with the limo, they gonna give you the check.

[B]

This is fucking dumb, bro. I'm just really angry because this is such a stupid. I mean, the scam, in essence, was lie and take people's money. But that doesn't.

[A]

That's.

[B]

You're gonna get caught. That's why you're in jail now. Cause it does say that he did some jail time. You know, it's like, this is.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

I'm upset with, like, sorry. This scam gets three thumbs down for me. Cause I got an extra one.

[A]

Yeah. I'm gonna give you a thumb with four thumbs down. It's all of our thumbs.

[B]

So it's seven now. Yeah, it's just like. I just wanna read this little part. It sounded interesting. In 2011, Mario started posing as a talent manager, photographer, and videographer for fake companies such as Playboy Worldwide, Playboy, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he says he would then blackmail the women, saying instead of getting paid, like, he said to shoot these. Yo, yo, Mario is just looking for any fucking grip, dude. Any grip. Like anybody.

[A]

I don't like that his These seem to be targeted at women. And I. That also makes me really mad because women who get into porn, it is one a very difficult industry to be successful in because it is so saturated. So you're competing just like other actresses. If you're working in TV or film, it's the same kind of game. Like, if your first porn doesn't get a certain amount of likes or clicks or views, it's very hard to get another like, good porn job. So these people are like really desperate to like get that popping porn video and also get paid. And there's no residuals in porn. I'm like, sad. When are you gonna step in for porn?

[B]

There's no residuals in porn. Oh, well, it's not union, is it? Is there union? I don't think it's union. I thought the. I thought. No, they have a union. I think the. I think porn has a union. I think they have a union actually. Because I remember them saying something about enforcing testing on site or something like that. Like STDs.

[A]

Yeah, but if they have a union, it needs to go beyond STD testing. It needs to be residuals. Because like if I'm naked getting back shot, then I need to get checks from every time somebody watches that.

[B]

Okay, so according to Marina, there is the Adult Performance Artist Guild. Yeah. Okay, good, good, good.

[A]

Okay, well, Adult Performance Artist Guild, step your shit up.

[B]

Yeah, we're gonna need some residuals for all of our pornography performers.

[A]

Yeah, that's it. Anytime a motherfucker get on pornhub, I better get a check. Like, period.

[B]

So this guy was a fucking like. And. Cause it gets worse. Like, you know, he just is an all around bad guy.

[A]

Cause he was blackmailing the women, right? Like what?

[B]

Yeah, so it says that, you know, he said that instead of getting paid, like he said to shoot these pornos, they had to pay him $9,000 or have sex with him again. Or again.

[A]

I mean, I guess he was. He was in the porno.

[B]

Oh my God, Cleveland, I feel like you wrote this in a way where you're adding things without giving us proper intros here. Like, I didn't. So you're. Maybe I just skipped that actually. My bad, Cleveland.

[A]

No, he.

[B]

Cleveland, you fucked up.

[A]

Couldn't have been me. Couldn't have been me.

[B]

But yeah, so I guess he would have sex with them in the. Oh, what a fucking creepy.

[A]

Oh, keep reading.

[B]

Cause so my favorite line, that right there.

[A]

No, keep reading. It says.

[B]

Okay, so they had to pay him $9,000. Or have sex with him again. Or he would release the photos to their family, friends, and employers. I mean, my favorite line in all these stories is, quote, a news release says that Antwon searched on Google for, quote, rape by deception. Quote, rape by deception, Kansas. And quote, illegal to trick. This is not funny. Illegal to trick girls into sleeping with you.

[A]

Oh, my God. He's said to have looked into law journals to investigate the criminal aspects of this kind of assault and fraud and deception to see if there were legal gray areas. Basically.

[B]

Basically.

[A]

Oh, my God, Mario, you were a funny scammer at first because, like, it was fucked up that you were ruining people's special day. But then you're also, like, a sex criminal. And so we don't, like, fuck you, bro.

[B]

Yeah, you're just. I wasn't even fucking with your original scam because I'm. It's just like, you're just. Just fucking with me.

[A]

I just.

[B]

But my. My thing. But I. You know, I realize, like, people are different. People are different because I always think to myself with, like, these scammers who take it too far. It's like. Like I said, how did you think they weren't gonna. Like, they know, like, they're gonna catch up to you.

[A]

They're gonna get you, bro.

[B]

Yeah. And it's just, like, blatant what you're doing. You're not even doing it, like, in a suave, con artist, you know, Nigerian prince kind of way. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like.

[B]

Like, you're just being fucking. I don't know, you're being gratuitous with your. With your scams. So. Yeah, fuck you, Mario.

[A]

Fuck you, Mario. Fuck you, Mario. You're a piece of shit. I can't believe that. No, you're a piece of shit, bro. Like, just. I'm glad. Look, I hate prison, but I'm glad that you are in jail because that's where you belong. Under the jail. I hope it's, like, old and timey jail, too. I hope they got you in there making license plates. I hope that you don't have no money on your books, so you. You ain't never even go taste a ramen, you raggedy bitch. Like, I hope that they give you bread and water and that you're in solitary going crazy because that's what you deserve.

[B]

Seriously. Especially for the fucking porn stuff. Like, that's crazy. I mean, it's just so dangerous already dealing in that. In that industry with, like, sketchy ass, weird ass dudes, and it's just like. And they're so. A lot of these girls are so young. It's just like, shit. Pisses me off, dog.

[A]

I wish there were no men in porn. Like, I wish that men would only do men on men porn and then leave the women to do, like, just make their own porn.

[B]

Like, maybe have women dress in men's suits, men bodysuits. Can we do that?

[A]

Actually, with a strap on? It's just another woman, but she's wearing a suit the whole time, but, like,

[B]

full head and everything.

[A]

Like those Japanese body. Drag king. She's a drag king, and that's it. Like, we don't just. Just get rid of the men. Like, boo. Tomato, tomato, tomato, guys. Oh, God. Weird way to end the first episode. Welcome back. Welcome back. Wait. Let's try to. We'll leave on some light.

[B]

I'll.

[A]

One thing that I did this week that was very fun and exciting is I took a swim lesson with my friend Camille, and I swim laps in the pool like Olivia Pope and, like, you know, think about my life and how I'm the president but very uncomfortable in deep water. So she gave me a swimming lesson. And honestly, like, there's a app called Swimley where people just rent out their pools at the houses that they have. And it was just like, this nice white man named Jeff who we didn't understand how he had money, and he was like, yeah, use my pool for three hours and was like, okay. And I. I did a. I did some cannonballs and some dives and, like, in the deep water and, like, swam up and floated. Congratulations.

[B]

Thank you. Congratulations. You know, swimming is a skill that. A skill set we all need, we should all have. And, you know, I noticed I find, like, a lot of, you know, black people, especially they. You know, who can swim. It's like, they can swim, but they're not super comfortable. You know, it's always, like. So it's good to hear that. It's like, you know, you're out here feeling good in the water, and also,

[A]

the water is such a powerful thing. Like, you. You can float in the water. You can't fight the water. You can't panic. That's always been my biggest rule, is, like, if I feel scared in the water, I know if I panic, I'll drown. I'm like, if I want to die, for sure, panic. So I'm like, nope, can't panic. And you have to let it take you over. You have to release control, which is really hard for me. So it was, like, also very spiritual to be in this white man Jeff. Thanks, white man Jeff. You're the best. Just to end on something that is not that nasty. Ass, man. Okay, guys, thank you for tuning in to Confessions.

[B]

We're back, guys.

[A]

Yay. And I know we just killed that

[B]

episode, so you're gonna come back for episode number two.

[A]

Real feel good at the end there. Real feel good. All right, guys, keep subscribing to Stitcher Premium. We're gonna keep making these. We swear. We promise.

[B]

We promise. We'll never stop

[A]

till the day we die. All right, Deathbed. Like, put the mic up closer, make

[B]

the print bigger so I can read

[A]

it

[B]

in my ear.

[A]

Yes. All right, congregation, y' all stay scheming. Stay scheming, but not like that, man.

[B]

Okay.