Con-Fessions: Retail Recons

Summary

Scam Goddess – Con-Fessions: Retail Recons

Hosts: Laci Mosley & Priscilla Davies
Date: April 1, 2021
Episode Type: Listener Mailbag (Bonus “Con-Fessions”)

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Overview

In this irreverent and hilariously honest listener episode, hosts Laci Mosley and Priscilla Davies dive into the “Con-gregation” mailbag to read real-life scam “confessions” from listeners. This edition spotlights “retail recons”—schemes involving Amazon, department stores, fast food loyalty programs, and beyond. Packed with running gags, sharp commentary on race and privilege, and good-natured roastings, the conversation morphs from petty grifts to more serious capers and even brushes with actual crime. As always, the tone is self-aware, comedic, and deeply skeptical of corporate power.

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Main Topics & Key Insights

1. Amazon Return Loopholes ([01:10])

• Listener Letter, “Hakeem”:
  A listener describes returning cheap Amazon items (under $15). Often, Amazon doesn’t require the item to be shipped back and simply issues a refund.
  • Quote (Laci Mosley, 02:45):
    “Every time I play pool, I imagine that the cue ball is Jeff Bezos’ shiny ass head and I hit it with all my might.”
  • Both hosts admit they’ve leveraged this loophole, and see it as harmless “petty” justice against a giant corporation.
    • Quote (Laci, 03:38):
      “As much as Amazon is stealing from their employees, we all deserve to steal a little bit from them.”

Notable Segment:

• [01:10–03:50] Discussion of small retail refunds and righteous pettiness.

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2. “Wholesome” Childhood Cancer Scam ([04:05])

• Listener Letter, “Annie”:
  Tells of her late uncle and father as kids, raiding restaurant charity displays for “sick kids.” They excused it by feigning illness if confronted.

  • Laci critiques corporate charity structures while Priscilla questions the “wholesome” label.
  • The twist: The uncle later died young of leukemia, casting the childhood scam in a new, bittersweet light.

  Quotes:

  • Priscilla (06:11):
    “What the hell kind of family were you raised in? How is this a wholesome girl?”
  • Laci (06:34):
    “I hope your uncle and your daddy get a knock at the door and it’s Susan G. Komen and she wants her coins.”

Notable Segment:

• [04:05–07:34] Raised eyebrows at the ethics and irony of the “wholesome” scam.

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3. The Department Store “Switcheroo” ([08:24])

• Listener Letter, “Charlie Murphy” (she/her):
  Details working at a “famous department store” (maybe Macy’s). Customers swap tags from expensive designer items onto old, cheap clothing, returning the latter for cash or store credit.
  • Hosts call this “the good old switcheroo,” referencing the classic bait-and-switch retail grift.
  • Laci jokes about employees sewing tags, riffing on labor and the scale of returns.
  • Quote (Priscilla, 10:26):
    “That’s why we have child labor—what y’all doing back here?”
  • Quote (Laci, 10:44):
    “It’s a good old switch and bait. No, bait and switch. Switch and bait… Whatever.”

Notable Segment:

• [08:24–10:48] Nuances of retail scams and tag-fraud.

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4. Dunkin' Donuts Gift Card Points Hack ([11:01])

• Listener Letter, “Do Anato”:
  Ex-Dunkin’ manager explains how employees could upload empty gift cards to their loyalty app accounts, harvesting leftover points for free drinks. Fierce back-room competition ensued for discarded plastic after customers spent the card.

  • Quote (Laci, 12:27):
    “Why does everybody at this upstate Duncan have a black eye?”
  • Quote (Laci, 14:29):
    “He was coffee flexing... ‘Go ‘head, make it a large, okay? A large Dunkaccino.’”

• Priscilla recalls using empty gift cards to cheat LA parking meters—an urban scam “retired” now.

  • Quote (Priscilla, 16:07):
    “Certain meters in LA would take [empty gift cards], and it was fucking amazing.”

Notable Segment:

• [11:01–16:50] Loyalty program hacks, inter-employee “fight club” antics, and parking meter exploits.

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5. The Neurologist From Hell ([17:02])

• Listener Letter, “Kathleen”:
  A self-described “not-qualified” temp recounts working at a sketchy neurologist’s busy office, where fraud abounded:

  • Unqualified staff seeing patients (including a blind man) solo
  • Charging patients for experimental drug trials (which should have been free)
  • “Off books” vitamins for whatever price the patient had in cash
  • Watered-down Botox for migraines, switching vials between patients
  • Diagnosing young women with serious conditions for the billing
  • Quote (Priscilla, 22:17):
    “These are crimes. Crimes.”
  • Quote (Laci, 24:02):
    “Exactly. And if somebody tells you you walk funny, you may have MS, you definitely should find another physician and get some opinions.”

• The hosts react with horror, emphasizing the importance of skepticism and second opinions in medicine.

Notable Segment:

• [17:02–24:43] The most serious “scam” of the episode, blurring into outright medical fraud and malpractice.

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6. College Parking Lot “Tailgating” ([24:54])

• Listener Letter, “Tyrone”:
  Instead of buying an expensive campus parking pass, Tyrone would tailgate through the parking gate after someone else paid, until one day he broke the gate and was spotted by campus police. He confesses, aware of his white privilege, and is let off with just a warning.

  • Quote (Laci, 26:07):
    “My hairstylist, a criminal. You know, one time I had to stop going to her... she told me she had been in jail for scamming.”
  • Quote (Priscilla, 28:50):
    “So Tyrone is one of the last few white Tyrones, okay.”

• Laci and Priscilla muse on how the law often treats Black people differently, and urge listeners not to feel guilty about their privilege but to use it to help others.

  • Quote (Laci, 31:10):
    “Use the privilege of you living someplace to help the person who is unhoused. We don’t want to hear about how sad you are that you’re white.”

Notable Segment:

• [24:54–32:08] Tongue-in-cheek banter breaks down into an earnest aside on white privilege and guilt.

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Memorable Moments & Running Jokes

• Opening banter:
  Laci and Priscilla rib each other about introductions, Black women supporting each other, and failing podcast formats ([00:02–01:15]).
• “You walk funny, you have MS” diagnostic parody ([22:01]):
  Spotlights the potential dangers of medical authority misused for profit.
• White privilege comedic breakdown ([30:48–31:40]):
  Laci: “Guilt is a wasted emotion. What we’d rather you feel is an opportunity to use... said privilege to help others who do not have it.”
• “Tailgating” in and out of parking lots (recurring):
  Both hosts admit to (or know someone who does) similar scams; Laci’s hairdresser even dodged jail after serial grifting ([26:07]).

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Event | |------------|----------------------------------------------------------| | 01:10 | Amazon return scam—the $15 “keep the item” loophole | | 04:05 | “Wholesome” childhood cancer scam—taking charity money | | 08:24 | Department store bait-and-switch tag-swapping returns | | 11:01 | Dunkin’ Donuts empty gift card scam, parking meter hacks | | 17:02 | Wild neurologist story—blatant medical fraud | | 24:54 | College parking pass “tailgating” & privilege | | 30:48 | Laci's serious advice on privilege and guilt |

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Tone

The episode is silly, smart, and self-aware, mixing breezy storytelling with pointed social commentary—particularly around race, privilege, and the ethics (or harmlessness) of “victimless” scams. Laci is open about enjoying a good grift, especially against giant corporations, but draws the line at actual criminal harm.

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Conclusion

“Con-Fessions: Retail Recons” delivers what Scam Goddess fans love—relatable listener stories, sharp punchlines, and side discussions on the culture and politics of scamming. With memorable anecdotes ranging from Amazon return rebates, Dunkin’ Donuts point-hustling, and childhood charity box heists, to full-blown doctor fraud, Laci and Priscilla keep it real, hilarious, and undeniably engaging.

As Laci says at the end ([32:08]):

“All right, congregation, stay confessing!”

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To submit your own scam confession, email [e-mail]. Stay schemin’!

Transcript

[Lacy Mosley]

All righty, then. What? An intro. Is that a good intro? Probably not.

[Priscilla Davies]

Not at all.

[Lacy Mosley]

That wasn't you go. You try.

[Priscilla Davies]

Well, half. Hello.

[Lacy Mosley]

Wow. Wow. Wow.

[Priscilla Davies]

You know what? No. Let me. Welcome to another episode of Scam Goddess Khan. Hello. No, don't be rolling your eyes at me and shaking your head. See, this is why black women can't get ahead in America.

[Lacy Mosley]

Wow. You know, black women are the only people who support other black women.

[Priscilla Davies]

Well, I'm not feeling that. Okay.

[Lacy Mosley]

Wow. Wow. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm gonna uplift you, sis. Welcome to another bonus episode of Confessions, where we read your confessions live on the air. Live, Meaning this was recorded at another time.

[Priscilla Davies]

Earlier. Before.

[Lacy Mosley]

In the before times. Guys, as always, my name is Lacy Mosley.

[Priscilla Davies]

And I'm Priscilla Davies.

[Lacy Mosley]

I said as always, but maybe my name will change. We don't know that.

[Priscilla Davies]

You never know, right?

[Lacy Mosley]

And guys, we're reading your letters, as always. If you would like to contribute to this show or the main PODC scam. Got a spot. Gmail.com. snitch on your friends and family. Just make sure your bag is retired so we don't look it up.

[Priscilla Davies]

I was. Yeah, I should have come in a little sooner. Sorry. It up. It up. That's what I wanted to say.

[Lacy Mosley]

Right. We used to. If you haven't noticed, by the beginning of this show, the format is falling apart.

[Priscilla Davies]

We are failing.

[Lacy Mosley]

And that's due to me. Usually these episodes are themed. The next few ones will not be. I'm just gonna be picking letters at random and seeing what kind of nonsense is y' all have to talk about. And this first letter comes from. We need to name Priscilla. And if you don't mind, read the letter.

[Priscilla Davies]

Oh, fantastic. Let's call this person Hakeem.

[Lacy Mosley]

Hakeem.

[Priscilla Davies]

Hakeem.

[Lacy Mosley]

Like Moesha?

[Priscilla Davies]

Yes. I mean, I'm sure there's other Hakeems

[Lacy Mosley]

out there, but that's the only one.

[Priscilla Davies]

Right? Right. So. Hey, Lace. Love your show. I have an Amazon scam to share that. It doesn't hurt anyone. But, Mr. Bezos, I'm already interested for some items, especially those under $15. It's not worth Amazon's while to pay for shipping on returns. Okay, so every once in a while, I attempt to return a small item I've ordered. And more often than not, Amazon processes the return without requiring me to send it back. Okay. I'm very interested in this. Cause I've done this before. I have them credit my account and use the money to buy something else I need. If I start A return and they require me to ship it back. I just don't complete the form. Oh, I love this. It's a small scam but it's nice to get something for free from the all powerful Amazon every once in a while.

[Lacy Mosley]

Yes. And I just have to say every time I play pool, I imagine that the cue ball is Jeff Bezos shiny ass head and I hit it with all my might.

[Priscilla Davies]

This is hyper specific. How often are you playing pool? Number one? Number two, just Jeff Bezos had just his only his just his cue ball

[Lacy Mosley]

head every time just pounding it with the pole. I understand how that sounds. Yeah, yeah. I meant it and I meant it. Yes. I love a small petty scam. You know what I mean? Get some. Get some Amazon merch, sis. You deserve.

[Priscilla Davies]

I have done this before. Not as a scam, but like for real. For real. Like she's absolutely right. Where you know, if the item is incorrect or something and it's a small ticket item, they will just be like, here's your money back. Sorry. We'll walk away and leave this alone. Don't. Don't call our attorneys or boycott us.

[Lacy Mosley]

And as much as Amazon is stealing from their employees, we all deserve to steal a little bit from them.

[Priscilla Davies]

Yeah, I respect this. I respect this and I like that. You can always bail at the last minute. Yes.

[Lacy Mosley]

All right guys, let's move on to our next scam. That was a quick one.

[Priscilla Davies]

Yes, Very f. Ass.

[Lacy Mosley]

So now we have something titled wholesome cancer scam which intrigues me cuz how

[Priscilla Davies]

I don't know how I feel about this.

[Lacy Mosley]

They branded it as wholesome, so we'll see. Oh my God. This one. I'mma name you Annie and Are you okay?

[Priscilla Davies]

Are you okay?

[Lacy Mosley]

I love both versions, Alien and Farm and the one by Michael Jackson. But any are you okay? And it says. I listened to your most recent episode and the cancer scam reminded me of a sweet story my dad told me about my late uncle Kelly. When my dad and uncle were born as kids and at a restaurant with.

[Priscilla Davies]

They were born as kids. That's not what it says. What else would they be born? I thought they were going to be born as babies, but no kids with me.

[Lacy Mosley]

With me.

[Priscilla Davies]

Full grown kids.

[Lacy Mosley]

When my uncle and my daddy was born as adult children. When they walked out the womb and they said this is America, put me back. And the doctor said no, they continued their life. I'm adding all of this in. It's not in there. They continued their life and sometimes they would like to go to restaurants. So Wait, and at the restaurant with those sad, bald cancer children displays. I didn't write this. Oh, my God.

[Priscilla Davies]

Wait, what am I doing?

[Lacy Mosley]

Okay, so basically, when you go to the restaurants and some grocery stores, they'll have little donations spots where they can be like, you can put a quarter in these little quarter shaped things.

[Priscilla Davies]

Like the March of Dimes.

[Lacy Mosley]

Yeah, exactly. Which I've always talked about. Guys, just donate individually on your own time to the March of Dimes, to Susan G. Komen, to all of your favorite places to donate charitably to, you know, cancer research and helping those who are affected. Because when you donate at a corporation, they're just taking your donations as a tax write off. And you don't get that tax write off. So, you know, donate some coins, but be, you know, vigilant about it because it also is a corporate scam. So they would see these things, right? And her dad and her uncle would always grab the money to play arcade games. When confronted, they would smile and tell people that they had cancer and would continue to grab the quarters. Is this wholesome a girl? What? Who?

[Priscilla Davies]

What the hell kind of family were you raised in? How is this a wholesome girl? Annie, are you okay?

[Lacy Mosley]

Annie, are you okay? I hope that your uncle and your daddy get a knock at the door, and it's Susan G. Komen, and she wants her coins. Okay. I mean, the foundation. But I hope that somebody comes after her.

[Priscilla Davies]

No, I want Susan to show up.

[Lacy Mosley]

Now, Susan has passed, but.

[Priscilla Davies]

Oh, really?

[Lacy Mosley]

Yeah. But it's named after her. But her foundation, are they gang? Gang. So she says that my grandma would watch on and laugh in approval. Your whole family fucked up for this, Annie. Unfortunately, my uncle passed away from leukemia when he was 21. Oh, my God. And I was never able to meet him. But I'm glad that he got to enjoy these free video games when he was around. So did he actually. He.

[Priscilla Davies]

So he died of cancer?

[Lacy Mosley]

Yeah.

[Priscilla Davies]

After telling people that he.

[Lacy Mosley]

Oh, he had cancer. Okay, I'm guessing.

[Priscilla Davies]

Oh, they did have cancer.

[Lacy Mosley]

It's not specific. She didn't write it in a way that says that he did, but I'm gonna assume maybe he did and knew, because otherwise, I don't.

[Priscilla Davies]

I don't think he did. I think it's just. She's trying to say, like, ironically.

[Lacy Mosley]

I don't know. It says he would smile and tell them that he had cancer. Maybe.

[Priscilla Davies]

Yeah, but I. I read it like. Like, oh, well, I guess she would have said lie.

[Lacy Mosley]

It doesn't say lie. I'm gonna say that the Reason that this says it's wholesome is because he did actually have it.

[Priscilla Davies]

And in which that case, you know,

[Lacy Mosley]

everything your uncle was doing was just, like, slowing the pipeline down. He was like, I'm gonna get the money eventually anyway, so I'm just taking right here out of these quarters.

[Priscilla Davies]

And I approve. Okay. I don't know if I approve about this, but I do. Okay. Okay. I see the most.

[Lacy Mosley]

I have to agree.

[Priscilla Davies]

Well, I never said we did.

[Lacy Mosley]

We don't have to agree.

[Priscilla Davies]

I mean, you know, we can't stop until we agree, so let's just go.

[Lacy Mosley]

Let me convince you that I'm right.

[Priscilla Davies]

Thank you, Annie. Thank you for that.

[Lacy Mosley]

Yes, Annie. I mean, I guess it's wholesome. We'll say that it is. Okay.

[Priscilla Davies]

Yeah. And my. My grandma would watch and let on and laugh in approval.

[Lacy Mosley]

Okay, you don't know his grandpa. His grandma.

[Priscilla Davies]

I don't. I don't.

[Lacy Mosley]

All right, guys, moving on to the next scam here. I'm gonna name this person Charlie Murphy.

[Priscilla Davies]

Okay, A, first analyze.

[Lacy Mosley]

You want to take this one? B. Sure.

[Priscilla Davies]

Charlie Murphy. I, she, she, her. Thank you for telling us your pronouns. I work at a famous department store. This is a scam I see every day, especially during the holidays. Regularly, me and my co workers will have to, quote, damage out items, AKA scan the items, tags, choose a reason as to why the item is damaged, and then print a tag to stick on the item. I think I know what store this is. Okay.

[Lacy Mosley]

Just after that, they damage out a lot of items at places. What store do you think it is?

[Priscilla Davies]

This reminds me when I. I think Macy's, they do this. Cause it's like you have to do. It's a whole process. Like, you gotta do this and then they print some shit out and you gotta, like, ring a bell. I don't know. Okay, so. And then print a tag to stick on the item. So after that, it gets put in a specific room to be processed. Here's the scam. People will attach the tags of an item they bought to a different article of clothing. Example, taking the fabric and paper tags off a designer sweater and attaching them to a ratty old sweater. Y' all sell ratty old sweaters at your store? Okay. They then return the random item and keep the original. The really thoughtful scammers also cut out the washing instruction tags and pay cash. So no way to prove or trace any. Oh, so they're, like, doing it in advance? Like, preparing in advance. Okay.

[Lacy Mosley]

I would be very confused if I came into Mason's and All the employees were in the back sewing. Y' all don't have to do that. That's why we have child labor, which I do it back here. No, we got kids for that.

[Priscilla Davies]

This is, you know, this is a legit ass scam. I mean, this is the good old switcheroo. This is the good old self checkout and scan a different item than you're actually leaving with scam. I love it. You know, it's like switch. It's. It's a good old switch and bait. No, bait and switch.

[Lacy Mosley]

Switching bait.

[Priscilla Davies]

You know what? I'm switching baits. Okay.

[Lacy Mosley]

Those bait and switches and switches and baits. Okay.

[Priscilla Davies]

I like it.

[Lacy Mosley]

I like it too. All right, let's move on. We got free drinks at Duncan.

[Priscilla Davies]

Okay.

[Lacy Mosley]

And let's see what free drinks at Duncan is talking about. So the next one we have here is called free drinks at Duncan. So I' ma name you Do Anato.

[Priscilla Davies]

Do Anato.

[Lacy Mosley]

Do Anado. Like dupa dua lipa, but do Anato.

[Priscilla Davies]

Okay, I like it.

[Lacy Mosley]

So do Anato says, hey there, newish listener, skipping the rest, but thank you. Do Anato. I used to work as a manager at Dunkin Donuts at a bunch of locations around what we'll blandly call upstate New York. So to break down the Dunkin loyalty program, 200 points equals a free drink of any size. And after every dollar you spend, you get five points. Therefore, every $40 spent, you get a free drink. One of my co workers. We'll call Jake, discovered that you can upload any empty value gift card onto enrolled Dunkin accounts. And even though there was zero dollars on the balance, the unclaimed points from the pur, that card would be uploaded to your account. So anytime a customer would come in and deplete a gift card, we'd ask if they like us to throw it away for them. Ten times out of ten, they would say, yes, please. And whoever cashed it out would toss it aside to be picked up later. It got to a point of unprofessionalism that we would fight over cashing customers out to collect gift cards.

[Priscilla Davies]

It's like a full on fight club in the back over these gift cards, these empty gift cards.

[Lacy Mosley]

Why does everybody at this upstate Duncan have a black eye?

[Priscilla Davies]

Right? No teeth. What the hell, yo?

[Lacy Mosley]

Duncan got that good service. When I went to check out one of the custom, the employees punched the other one in the stomach just to ring me up. And the other lady was pregnant. But you know I appreciate the enthusiasm for my customer service, right?

[Priscilla Davies]

Five Stars.

[Lacy Mosley]

Five stars on Yelp. This was extremely lucrative after Christmas, Mother's Day, et cetera, where people would redeem gift cards like they were going out of style. It was always a game of who would collect the most gift cards and point values a shift. So, for example, a teacher regularly used a $50 gift card after Christmas. At the bottom of the receipt, it would say how much value was left so we could gauge when our regulars would be tossing out their gift cards. When they were done with it, we'd upload it to our Dunkin app and we'd get $50 worth of points, which automatically netted one free drink and $10 or $50 more points towards the next free drink. And that was a single gift card. At the end of a shift, I could walk away with, like, a stack of garbage. Garbage plastic to upload to my app. At one point, I had 36 free drink coupons. And because we all abused the system and drank free coffee anyway, I would buy.

[Priscilla Davies]

Yeah. I was like, why are you doing this? Just pour yourself a fucking cup and drink it. This is a lot.

[Lacy Mosley]

The way that they were talking about this shit. I thought Duncan was counting beans. They was like, we missing three dark roasts. Who was drinking the coffee? Who? We had three more beans in here than we have now.

[Priscilla Davies]

I just.

[Lacy Mosley]

Okay, American scams. I'm done.

[Priscilla Davies]

Come on. This is a lot. What do you mean? Just serve yourself, but go ahead.

[Lacy Mosley]

So do it. Noto said I would buy pretty girls drinks, so pay for the person behind me in the drive through.

[Priscilla Davies]

Okay? And see, there it is. He had other. That's why he needed these fucking cars. Pick up chocolates.

[Lacy Mosley]

He was coffee flexing. He said, hey, baby, why don't you go ahead and make it a large, okay? A large junk of chino.

[Priscilla Davies]

And when I say large, you know, I don't mean a medium in a big cup.

[Lacy Mosley]

I like my coffee black. Like, I like my women black. Black cocoa. Yes. Okay, so you was just using it to finesse. Okay, so it took corporate quite a while to figure this out, and to my knowledge, doesn't work anymore. But it was glorious when it was alive. P.S. we would form alliances because not everyone drank coffee and wanted in on the fun.

[Priscilla Davies]

This is crazy. You gu. Are fucking nuts. But also, I would totally be in this fight club with y'. All.

[Lacy Mosley]

Like, that's the beginning of every shift. Like, all right, child. Y' all know the rules of Duncan Fight Club.

[Priscilla Davies]

Pull out all your motherfucking garbage plastic right now.

[Lacy Mosley]

Rules are there are no rules.

[Priscilla Davies]

Jesus. So Wait, wait. So, yeah, you know, the good old empty debit card. Like, empty debit cards beyond. Like, I don't know if they still do things like this, but, like, back in the day, I happened upon a scam with an empty debit card where you could use empty debit cards to pay, like, parking meters.

[Lacy Mosley]

What? Oh, yeah, just like, just a little coin left on it.

[Priscilla Davies]

No, empty, like, so we would. Again, it was a. It started in a restaurant and so we would. Like when. When customers would throw away their empty deb. Their empty.

[Lacy Mosley]

You know, were people throwing away empty debit cards?

[Priscilla Davies]

Not debit cards. I'm talking about. No, you know, it looks like, you know, they give you a card now. Yeah, the gift card.

[Lacy Mosley]

Oh, okay. I was like, empty debit cards, you're working at. Like, it's expensive as hell. We give them the bill, they just throw away their card afterwards.

[Priscilla Davies]

That's how it works here. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about, you know, gift cards. Empty gift cards. Yes. You could use them to pay. Certain meters in LA would take them and it was fucking amazing.

[Lacy Mosley]

What?

[Priscilla Davies]

But I don't think it works anymore. And it would only work at, like, particular meters, like the ones, like the big box ones, you know, that you type in.

[Lacy Mosley]

All right. Oh, okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. The pay to parks where you type in your little parking spot and stuff.

[Priscilla Davies]

Yep.

[Lacy Mosley]

Damn, I'm sad that that's retired Gift card will work. That's popping.

[Priscilla Davies]

Try it. You know, next to me have an empty gift card. Try it. I haven't done it in years, but I. Yeah, I stopped because I was like, this doesn't work anymore. And I got angry and I threw my garbage plastic away.

[Lacy Mosley]

I love this for you guys. We have another scam on the horizon in our mailbag. This one's a long one.

[Priscilla Davies]

Oh, my God, I can't wait.

[Lacy Mosley]

P1, give us a name.

[Priscilla Davies]

Let's go with Kathleen.

[Lacy Mosley]

All right. Kathleen says, I'm only reading this nice part because it's very funny. Says, you are my hero, but I hope this reaches you as I am drunk copying your address from Conan's page. Are you drunk on Instagram? That's so sweet. That's what we do these days in quarantine, right? So it says, I always want to share the story of when I thought I was winning in life by getting a job I was not qualified for. I love this for you already. No one's qualified for any job. You know, we're all just learning along the way.

[Priscilla Davies]

Some of us know what we're doing, but

[Lacy Mosley]

don't trust that anybody knows what they're doing.

[Priscilla Davies]

And there it is. That's the lesson.

[Lacy Mosley]

It's a way of life. You go to a doctor, see three more before you decide to do anything.

[Priscilla Davies]

Amen.

[Lacy Mosley]

Never trust anybody. No one knows what they're doing.

[Priscilla Davies]

Nope.

[Lacy Mosley]

So this is. I worked at Walmart. My friend told me she was working at a doctor's office and I could get a job there easy. They wanted cute white girls in quotes. I had no degree or certificate. What are you talking about? Girl, you got an Alabaster associates, you won't show up white. So.

[Priscilla Davies]

Okay, but I work and my friend working at doctors, and so the doctor is. I mean, not that I'm surprised, but so was that in the ad for the job, looking for cute white girls? Absolutely not.

[Lacy Mosley]

Clearly. He had his homegirl. He was like, you cute. You got some friends because you know how cute girls are. You don't hang out with no ugly girls when you cute. You know what I mean? All your friends and your friend group probably look around the same amount of cuteness as you do. That's just how people flock together. I rarely see, like, some aggressively hot person with someone who's not aggressively hot.

[Priscilla Davies]

You can see that. Like, only in, like, pairs, like friends, like, but not in a group. You know what I mean?

[Lacy Mosley]

Never in a group.

[Priscilla Davies]

No. Occasionally, but no, no.

[Lacy Mosley]

You know, I don't know if it's like, a human thing that we do, but we're like, who looks around the same level of hotness as.

[Priscilla Davies]

It's like, competition, I guess it's like, let's make sure my competition is right where I'm at.

[Lacy Mosley]

Make sure I am not the ugly friend. Okay.

[Priscilla Davies]

Right.

[Lacy Mosley]

So I piled on concealer and began working at a doctor's office that was very busy. The doctor was a neurologist who was way overbooked. Example, once she was running. Wait, she. So you working for a female neurologist? And she was like, I need hot white women.

[Priscilla Davies]

You know, I'm.

[Lacy Mosley]

She didn't want some hardworking single mom who learned billing and Cody from Everest. That's why I always see in the

[Priscilla Davies]

doctor's office from Everest.

[Lacy Mosley]

Okay. Get you a degree in billing and coding.

[Priscilla Davies]

Not just billing.

[Lacy Mosley]

We also teach you coding of the bills. So. Example, once she was running late for a flight and she had me see a blind patient. The guy would never know. Right. Charge his insurance. Now she a neurologist. This ain't even no regular checkup. How you seeing somebody Wait, what?

[Priscilla Davies]

Wait, did she just. Did she just rob a blind person?

[Lacy Mosley]

The blind person was going to the neurologist, which I'm sure they need. And how you go, that ain't right.

[Priscilla Davies]

She. Wait, is that the scam? You're robbing blind people?

[Lacy Mosley]

Because I want person was like, why do you have a stethoscope on my forehead? Oh, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. That's how we check your brain now these days.

[Priscilla Davies]

Wow.

[Lacy Mosley]

Wow. So she was getting paid the blind. Okay, so the neurologist says that she was getting paid to do a trial for a drug where her patients would take the medication and she would report her findings. Only thing was, she charged all of the patients for their office visits, saying, this isn't a free park.

[Priscilla Davies]

This neurologist is wild as fuck. She's wild as hell.

[Lacy Mosley]

First of all, you are doing experiments on people. In the history of getting an experiment done to you, they always at least offer you $25 and you definitely don't pay.

[Priscilla Davies]

Oh, okay.

[Lacy Mosley]

She would offer patients B12 injections. She would only offer this off the book. She would only accept cash or check for this. There was no set price. It was whatever the patient had on them.

[Priscilla Davies]

Whatever they had on them. Oh, God.

[Lacy Mosley]

She would judge patients finances and give any price. She has a nice bag, put it down for $60. Wow. She never comes through with her payments. She'll be fine with the over the counter vitamins.

[Priscilla Davies]

Damn, this bitch is a fucking like. Like a crime boss, right?

[Lacy Mosley]

Like, the guys stop wearing nice clothes to the doctor, apparently. But then if you do, they'll judge you for not having nice clothes and be like, oh, this person in tattered rags doesn't need the best care.

[Priscilla Davies]

Right. We can give him that generic.

[Lacy Mosley]

Yeah, I don't know. Y' all get a bag from Ross before you go see her, okay? And not a nice one. You gotta get you a mediocre medium.

[Priscilla Davies]

That's the kind of care you want. Average and mediocre, Right.

[Lacy Mosley]

She offered Botox for migraines. She would have me cut the Botox with saline. Even patients whose Botox had not come in, she would do a switch and make me mix someone else's with the saline. What?

[Priscilla Davies]

Oh, God.

[Lacy Mosley]

Most of all, she would tell people they had these problems just to get visits out of them. She would literally hunt young women down and tell them, you know, you walk funny, you have Ms. Oh, my God. What happened to, why don't you report this doctor?

[Priscilla Davies]

Yeah, these are crimes. Crimes. Also like. Like,

[Lacy Mosley]

wow.

[Priscilla Davies]

I'M sorry. I'm just throwing my phone.

[Lacy Mosley]

People would say, she told me I had Ms. I had so many scans and tests and medications. And my general practitioner said, no way. You're fine. What.

[Priscilla Davies]

What happened to the Hippocratic oath?

[Lacy Mosley]

I don't know, child. She gave us the doctor's name.

[Priscilla Davies]

She did.

[Lacy Mosley]

She tempted to say it because y' all don't need to be.

[Priscilla Davies]

Y' all need to stay away from this.

[Lacy Mosley]

This is all alleged, honey. But don't.

[Priscilla Davies]

Also, like, girl, you're culpable in these. What's the name? Kathleen.

[Lacy Mosley]

She just work at the desk now. You are culpable for that blind patient that you saw and maybe gave Botox, too.

[Priscilla Davies]

Okay? You did a whole checkup on a blind. How I cannot believe they did that blind patient like that. How fucked up. Also, like, why do you assume the blindfold. Like, there's other ways. Blindfolds can tell whether or not you are their doctor, you know?

[Lacy Mosley]

Right. They've been blind their entire life. Like, you know, they're not. They can still hear. They can still touch.

[Priscilla Davies]

You know what I mean? They can. They can tell things.

[Lacy Mosley]

You know, Just because they're blind does not mean they're stupid or gullible. What the hell is wrong with y'? All? Oh, my God.

[Priscilla Davies]

I. Yeah. This. This is not okay. Um. And this lady needs to be out of business.

[Lacy Mosley]

Yeah. Asap. Expeditiously.

[Priscilla Davies]

I mean, that goes back to, like, just. Cause someone says there are no experts in anything. Like, you really have to go out there and get, you know, second, third opinions, fourth opinion sometimes. Because especially doctors, you know, they'll act like they know what the fuck they're doing and they really don't.

[Lacy Mosley]

Exactly. And if somebody tells you you walk funny, you may have Ms. You definitely should find another physician and get some opinions. You walk funny. What?

[Priscilla Davies]

Yeah, this is kind of up. Is this also a wholesome scam?

[Lacy Mosley]

Right? They did not describe it as wholesome. It's definitely a scam. It's also crime. Crime. These are criminal crime crimes.

[Priscilla Davies]

You guys are, like, making us culpable now. Thank you.

[Lacy Mosley]

Right.

[Priscilla Davies]

We actually have to report this to the man.

[Lacy Mosley]

I'm so sorry, but we gotta report this to the man, baby. Like, I mean, I can't. I don't know where to report it, but I. I would like to. And for our last confession, we have a story from a gentleman named Tyrone. By me. That's what I named him. Uh, Priscilla, do you care to read Tyrone's story?

[Priscilla Davies]

Of course I'll read Tyrone's story. Hi. Love the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, okay, so I refused to pay for a college parking pass because it was so damn expensive. I feel like we get college parking pass scams all the time. A lot.

[Lacy Mosley]

Yeah.

[Priscilla Davies]

And it makes sense because it in and of itself is a scam. Instead, for as long as possible, I would pull in behind someone else, watch them make their payment, and then speed through the gate behind them, riding high and free.

[Lacy Mosley]

Can I just tell you, I have to pull up for a second to talk about my scamming ass hairdresser, who really was part of the reason that I started being very interested in scams. Cause every time I would go to her hair salon in Beverly Hills, it was one of those Salon Republic. So there's a bunch of different salons in one building. She would never validate parking. And she'd be like, girl, I'm about to leave, so you just drive after me, okay? And then we don't. Or she'd be like, girl, can I drive after you? Did you get it validated? My hairstylist, a criminal. You know, one time I had to stop going to her. I loved her so much, but she was unreliable. Like one time I remember, why am I not surprised? And she told me she had been in jail. She was like, oh, I'm in jail. So I can't, you know, I can't take my appointment.

[Priscilla Davies]

Oh my God.

[Lacy Mosley]

For scamming. So I was like, this is just too much for me. Not the scams, I love that. But I was like, you gotta be able to do my hair when I need. I can't be having you in jail. You know, like, that can't be a regular occurrence. You know what I mean? Like, oh, so you know, so I get the drive out real quick. And I appreciate this. I hate when hater ass cars will pay and then drive through all slow. Like, you know we both trying to get through this gate. Don't play with me. You see how close I am to your bum?

[Priscilla Davies]

I've never to wanted. Like, I wonder if the person behind me is trying to get out too. On my dime.

[Lacy Mosley]

You know what? Driving out all slow. Fuck are you driving slow? Speed through there so I can go too. Come on now that's messed up.

[Priscilla Davies]

So this was surprisingly effective for a long time until the day I didn't go fast enough and broke the gate arm. It just snapped right off. My car was fine somehow, thank God.

[Lacy Mosley]

Did you keep driving or did you pay?

[Priscilla Davies]

Yeah, I'm like, that's because you gotta go at that point, you gotta peel out, you gotta run.

[Lacy Mosley]

Now, check your car when you get home, like you can't stop and check for damage.

[Priscilla Davies]

I'm pretty comfortable with nonviolent crime.

[Lacy Mosley]

What's the.

[Priscilla Davies]

What's this person's name again?

[Lacy Mosley]

What's your comfortability level? Tyrone.

[Priscilla Davies]

Of course it would be Tyrone.

[Lacy Mosley]

With violent crime or nonviolent crime, I'd say I'm pretty comfortable. From a one to ten. I'd say about a ten. Pretty comfortable.

[Priscilla Davies]

God, I love Tyrone. So, yeah, I'm pretty comfortable with nonviolent crimes. So I would have just gone off to class if not for the fact that a police officer was parked at the other end of the lot and witnessed the entire thing. I sat in my car for a while thinking about what to do. He sat in his car eyeing me. I decided I had to confess. So, I mean, he's caught.

[Lacy Mosley]

No. But if he's sitting in his car, the police officer didn't get out of his car. So the fuck am I gonna go confess for? Walk out of my car and confess?

[Priscilla Davies]

Mm.

[Lacy Mosley]

Mm. And that's.

[Priscilla Davies]

And therein lies the question, like, how. How many milliseconds was in between all of this? Because I'm like, why? Once you broke the arm, you should have fucking been gone. You shouldn't even had noticed that there was a copper there, right? So I see him eyeing me, and so I decided to confess. So I did. I really thought I was going to get in some kind of trouble over destruction of university property. But, and this is probably the worst part, I am white as fuck and I have to assume my white privilege saved me. The cop just let me go with a verbal warning and I never heard about any of this again. I also never tried the scam again. I don't know if I recommend it, but it sure was fun while it lasted. So Tyrone is one of the last few white Tyrones. Okay,

[Lacy Mosley]

I. I like it. I mean, Tyrone, you didn't have to get out of your car. First of all, you were white. Why didn't you just rely on that? Second of all, the cop didn't come towards you, which means they weren't paying attention and they did not care. So you just should have kept driving like you didn't even notice that you ran that shit over. Now, you're right, Tyrone. If you were black, the cop would have come over, picked up the broken little arm and beat you with it. And beat you with it.

[Priscilla Davies]

Duh,

[Lacy Mosley]

you know, law and order. He would have beat the shit out of you with that. The Fuck. And you would have to pay, like, a $5,000 fine for not paying, probably $5 parking. So.

[Priscilla Davies]

Also, it's pretty clear this is something that happens regularly at this university. He was like, dog, I'm about to clip it back in. It's not that serious, Right?

[Lacy Mosley]

Do you know how much paperwork it would be for me to talk about who broke this? No, thank you.

[Priscilla Davies]

I mean, I appreciate that. He took the lesson as, like, a sign. Like, maybe it's time for me to retire at this scam. Like, I'm sitting here crashing into gates.

[Lacy Mosley]

I would have kept going.

[Priscilla Davies]

I would have, too.

[Lacy Mosley]

I mean, hell, at this point, you don't need another car now, you know, you could just drive through the gate and physically break it every time.

[Priscilla Davies]

Oh, my God, that would be incredible. Like, yo, I just be feeling out every day.

[Lacy Mosley]

I would have one student who's just consistently breaking the entry system every time

[Priscilla Davies]

they go through classes on Monday, Thursday, and Friday, they're like, why are you

[Lacy Mosley]

turning this corner so fast? We about to go through the checkpoint. Oh, don't worry about that, sweetheart. Skeet Boom. Let's get to that 8am Final. Yes. I love this for you and for me. I'm sad that you stopped. That's. Look, white privilege is not something to feel guilt about, because guilt is a wasted emotion. What we'd rather you feel is an opportunity to use sexual, said privilege to help others who do not have it. So feeling bad about being white don't help nobody.

[Priscilla Davies]

Nobody.

[Lacy Mosley]

And it don't make you feel good. It don't make us feel good. Black people don't want to hear about how hard it is for you to be white or how bad you feel about being white. Nobody wants to hear that. That's like if I went up to an unhoused person and I was like, you know, it's crazy. I have a home. I have a washer and dryer. And I just feel so bad about it. I just wanted to talk to you about it because I know you don't have those things. It's like, is that helping?

[Priscilla Davies]

No.

[Lacy Mosley]

Use the privilege of you living someplace to help the person who was unhoused. We don't want to hear about how sad you are that you white. And you shouldn't have to hear about that either. No one was trying to make you feel bad about being white. We was trying to make you feel bad about what white people.

[Priscilla Davies]

We literally don't care. We just want our reparations. That's it.

[Lacy Mosley]

Right. We just love to mind our own business, actually, and y' all not mind it for us. That's all.

[Priscilla Davies]

That's it. It's very simple.

[Lacy Mosley]

But you don't have to go home and feel bad about being white.

[Priscilla Davies]

I do appreciate that you acknowledge your privilege.

[Lacy Mosley]

Yes, we do. We do appreciate that. Yes. And also, I appreciate that you use your privilege to not get beat over the head and to keep grifting. If I were you, I. I'd keep doing this. Maybe. Maybe start ramming some of those gates and then letting your black friends drive through.

[Priscilla Davies]

Hey, hey, now. Come on, y'. All.

[Lacy Mosley]

It's Black History Month. I will destroy the toll booth for everyone. Amen.

[Priscilla Davies]

Just Ram.

[Lacy Mosley]

Like Malcolm would have wanted. And that brings us to the end of another episode of Conversation Confessions.

[Priscilla Davies]

Wow. Already?

[Lacy Mosley]

Yes, you can find me at D I V A L A C I Divalacy on all platforms. If you want to snitch on your friends and family. Scam got a [e-mail]. just make sure Scam is retired. We don't want to fuck up your bag.

[Priscilla Davies]

And of course, you can find me @priscilladaviesactor on Instagram and Q O T Desert. Like Queen of the Desert on Twitter.

[Lacy Mosley]

All right, congregation, stay confessing. Yeah, I've got it.