Con-Fessions: Scam Gumbo

Summary

---

Scam Goddess: "Con-Fessions: Scam Gumbo"

Host: Laci Mosley
Guest: Priscilla Davies
Release Date: November 13, 2020

Overview

This lively, laugh-filled episode is the 12th and final installment of the "Con-Fessions" bonus mini-season. Titled "Scam Gumbo," Laci Mosley and guest Priscilla Davies serve up a stew of diverse scam stories submitted by listeners, each one with its own unique flavor. They break down the ingenuity, ridiculousness, and moral gray areas of these everyday frauds, all while riffing on reality TV, fatphobic doctors, and their own run-ins with minor scamming.

The energy is high, the jokes are fast, and the episode is as much about savoring the art of the grift as it is about calling out the systems and people who push everyday folks to get creative.

---

Main Discussion Points & Insights

"Scam Gumbo" – Why the Name?

• Laci introduces the "gumbo" concept: a metaphor for a collection of unrelated scams, referencing the Southern stew filled with various ingredients. She jokes about needing to explain the metaphor, especially given her Black American heritage versus Priscilla’s Haitian background (00:34-01:31).

Quote:
"My super producer, Chelsea Jacobson, asked me before we started, she said, I don't understand. All these scams don't go together. And I was like, that's why it's called gumbo."
— Laci Mosley (00:41)

---

1. The "Meal Mobster" – Free Meal Kit Scam

Story Details:
A listener exploited meal kit free trial programs (think Blue Apron) by making tons of fake emails to snatch up free boxes, then escalated to using empty vacation homes as fake delivery addresses and tracked it all in Excel (01:49–04:44).

Key Moments:

• Recognizes how "hard" the scammer worked, keeping an Excel spreadsheet to manage accounts, addresses, and deliveries.
• Both hosts joke about their own meal kit use, wondering if they missed out on years of free food.
• The scammer’s family ate well for an entire year.

Notable Quotes:

• "Honestly, Blue Apron should hire you because if you work this hard to steal their food, then it's like, it must have been really tasty." — Laci (03:19)
• "You're doing too much for free food now. It's too much." — Priscilla (04:15)
• "She took will work for food, and she said, okay, girl." — Laci (04:21)

Reflection:

• Both Laci and Priscilla reflect on the allure of "gaming" free trials, and Laci admits she forgets to cancel hers, which ends up costing her more.

Tangent: On Meal Kits & Black Love

From (06:12) onward, the conversation detours to reality TV (Love Island), highlighting a rare positive representation of Black love. Laci tells a detailed story about a couple who wins the show, bringing a humorous but heartfelt aside about hope and cultural representation (07:11–10:36).

---

2. "Assistant Scammer" – School Office Hustle

Story Details:
Penelope, a high schooler paid below minimum wage, grades tests for teachers and changes answers for friends, but her major score comes from skimming graphing calculators and selling them on Craigslist to pay for school fees (11:01–22:07).

Key Moments:

• Laci and Priscilla discuss how being underpaid is an "original scam," and how Penelope was righting a wrong.
• Discussion about the difference between "scam" and "hustle," and how that’s just branding for the same thing.
• Laci admits to a relatable "honest thief" moment of taking something from a guy she dated, and acting innocent later (16:30–17:18).
• Both applaud Penelope’s initiative, arguing she deserved the profits for being exploited in the first place.

Notable Quotes:

• "How they gonna talk about... let us explain to you how the Board of Education came to the realization that we could break the law." — Laci (13:07)
• "Anytime somebody employs you and is like, listen, we are not paying you fairly, but this is why. So stay with me. Tuesday, January 4, 1967." — Laci (13:16)
• "She was making political statements, too. She was like, not my friend. Not with this shitty school system." — Priscilla (14:37)
• "You have to just say the truth. So I absolutely was like, yeah, somebody definitely stole from you." — Laci (18:46)
• "If you're gonna do it, do it right. That's all I'm saying." — Laci (22:07)

---

3. "Doctor Con" – The Fatphobic Diet Kickback

Story Details:
Jenny ("from the block"), a plus-size woman, recounts her experiences with a doctor who blamed all her ailments on weight and pushed her to a nutritionist in his practice. The nutritionist sold her a long-term, one-size-fits-all Medifast diet plan—revealed later to be a kickback-laden scheme (23:04–35:16).

Key Moments:

• Laci and Priscilla riff on doctors’ fatphobia, sharing personal stories of bias and dismissal, especially of Black women in healthcare.
• They decry how authority figures like doctors use their power to push unnecessary or ineffective treatments for financial gain.
• Offer practical advice on standing up for yourself with doctors (ask them to "put it in writing" if they refuse tests).

Notable Quotes:

• "You said that your leg goes numb when you sit on it. I got a pill for that, okay? It's only small side effects like eye bleeding and death." — Laci (36:09)
• "She sells me on a six month of this diet as a trial. Six month is definitely not a trial." — Laci (33:12)
• "I found out that there was hardly any nutritional value at all. And I called my doctor's office to get out of it, but I was locked in." — Jenny's confessional (33:56, read by Laci)
• "This is actually, like, a problem in the medical industrial complex... it's so unethical. It's so fucked up." — Priscilla (35:16)

Advice from Hosts:

• Always seek second or even third opinions about medical care.
• Be proactive: If a doctor won’t order a needed test, ask for it in writing.

---

Memorable & Humorous Moments

• Priscilla joking about refusing to reveal an ongoing scam:
  "I'm still doing that. Nevermind. That's something I'm currently robbing people with." (03:38)

• Laci’s analogy of helicopter rides and love:
  "Propellers start spinning, Coochie start vibrating. And then you never know, child." (09:46)

• "If you're gonna do it, do it right. That's all I'm saying." (22:07)

• Bit on racist/mean school nurses and teacher experiences (25:36–27:32):
  "How you gonna be a nurse and just be mean as fuck? Like, nurses are supposed to be like, the nice ones, right? Baby, what is you doing?" — Laci (26:12)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Scam Gumbo Explanation: 00:00–01:45
• The Meal Mobster: 01:49–06:38
• (Tangent) Love Island & Black Love: 06:38–10:36
• Assistant Scammer (Penelope & Calculators): 11:01–22:07
• Doctor Con & The Diet Scam: 23:04–36:30
• Medical Racism & Self-Advocacy: 28:42–31:26
• Conclusion & Closing Banter: 36:51–end

---

Final Takeaways

• Scamming comes in many forms—sometimes it's creative survival, sometimes it's payback for exploitation, and sometimes it's plain old predatory capitalism from those in power.
• The hosts continually walk the line between celebrating ingenuity and warning about the ethical—and occasionally legal—boundaries at play.
• They offer frequent reminders to advocate for yourself in systems that are stacked against you, whether the scammer is a faceless corporation or a fatphobic doctor.
• "Stay schemin’!" as Laci closes out, perfectly summarizes the combination of humor, critique, and community that makes Scam Goddess a unique spin on true crime.

---

To submit your own scam story:
Email [e-mail]

Find the hosts online:

• Laci Mosley: @divalaci
• Priscilla Davies: IG @priscilladaviesactor, Twitter @likequeenofthedesert
• Scam Goddess Pod: @scamgoddesspod on all platforms

---

Congregation — stay schemin’, stay safe, and as always… Scam, goddammit!

Transcript

[A]

Cons, what's poppin, Congregation? We're back with another installment of Confessions. It's your girl Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam

[B]

Goddess, and your girl Priscilla Davies, AKA Priscilla Davies.

[A]

I don't appreciate you making fun of me.

[B]

I just want to be like you.

[A]

Anyway, rude guys love doing this show. This is the 12th and final episode of this little season of bonus content here.

[B]

Tears.

[A]

And so we decided to give you guys a scam gumbo episode. That means that, you know, we're throwing in all types of scams here, all types of flavors. My super producer, Chelsea Jacobson, asked me before we started, she said, I don't understand. All these scams don't go together. And I was like, that's why it's called gumbo. And she was like, oh. I was like. I was like, maybe that's a very black way to describe this.

[B]

When I saw it, I was like, are they all about. I thought it was. And then I was also like, are there gumbo scams?

[A]

Okay, I take it back. That's a very black American way to describe this. Priscilla's Haitian. You know what? Okay, we sweaty. Priscilla's Haitian.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

You started it. You started it with making fun of my cadence. But, yeah, Priscilla's Haitian. So sorry. Maybe it's just a black American thing. Shout out to those of you from Louisiana who knew what I meant. Okay, we got a little crab. We got some boudin. We got some rice in the skin.

[B]

Everybody knows what gumbo is. And now we got some okra.

[A]

We. We got everything. Okay, this was a good metaphor. I stand by it.

[B]

It's a great metaphor. But you did have to explain it.

[A]

Nobody understood it. That means that it was not a great metaphor, but I take it I'm just gonna blame everyone for who they are, and that's why they didn't get it. Okay.

[B]

Ouch. You hear that, Chelsea?

[A]

So let's start with the Meal Mobster. So what are we gonna get? I'm just gonna call this Meal Mobster. So Meal mobster says, years ago, back when the box meal companies were just coming on the scene, I signed up for a free trial of bre, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

If you listen to podcasts, y' all know about some goddamn blue apron. Cause them hoes, they love to sponsor. Sponsor us. Sponsor us. Blue apron. We want an apron, please.

[B]

Also, I'll take some food as well.

[A]

Right? I quickly figured out that once you got the trial, you then would receive free meals to send out to your friends. I made a shithouse of New emails. Shithouse. I ain't never heard that phrase before.

[B]

I made this word up.

[A]

I made a shithouse of new email addresses. And she meant it too. I think that's what she meant.

[B]

She meant it 100%. I could see the wr new phrases for us.

[A]

She said, I made a shithouse of new email addresses and would send all free meals to myself. The only issue was some of the companies would also verify your physical address and address could only be used by one account. At the time, I was living in a vacation community in which my family was one of the few full time residents. I quickly figured out that I could email all the free meals to myself and just ship them out to units in the neighborhood where I knew no one was staying. Wow.

[B]

That this took that. That right there took this scam to the next fucking level.

[A]

She was like, then I started doing mail fraud.

[B]

Wow, you really wanted them free boxes, huh, bitch?

[A]

Honestly, Blue Apron should hire you because if you work this hard to steal their food, then it's like, it must have been really tasty.

[B]

Okay. Also, like, you can. Never mind.

[A]

Cut that out. You can what? You can what?

[B]

I had a. I don't know. It's not coming.

[A]

Okay, Priscilla, you don't want to reveal your scam to us, that's fine. She was like, you can. Never mind. I'm still doing that. Nevermind. That's something I'm currently robbing people with. I don't need to share. That's fair. We don't want y' all to blow your bags out here. Okay. So she starts sending them to addresses all over the neighborhood where she knows that nobody's staying. When I got a notification that a box was delivered, I would just stalk the neighborhood and grab it from the porch. I would keep it all straight on an Excel sheet.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Which email and addresses that it was getting shipped to and when to before I got auto charged for another week. This was your job.

[B]

You're doing too much for free food now. It's too much.

[A]

She took will work for food and she said, okay, girl.

[B]

Ugh. Come on, Meal Mobster. That's why your name is Meal Mobster.

[A]

She said, I only got caught once and claimed I must have entered the unit number incorrectly. My family ate amazing dinner for us. Solid year for basically free before I ran out of town. Homes and companies eat well and keep scamming Meal Mobster.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I love this because she said her family ate well. So she was doing this for the whole family. Imagine if you had a year of not having to spend money on food.

[B]

That's incredible. I mean, I would have loved a PS and then I was able to afford a vacation house because of all the money that I spent. I mean, food is so expensive. I mean, especially, like, these little meal kits. Okay. So when I heard this, I'm like, wow. Cause, you know, I be getting meal kits too.

[A]

I picked this because of you. Because you get meal kit.

[B]

Yes, I get.

[A]

I cooked one with you.

[B]

Yes, you have. I forced you to.

[A]

You did. She did.

[B]

I literally did. I was like, surprise. Here's a knife.

[A]

She's like, surprise. It's my birthday. We come over. She's like, we're gonna have dinner. She's like, all right, here's a knife and a cutting board. Get to fucking work now. We have 30 minutes till dinner.

[B]

The meal was great, though.

[A]

It was delicious.

[B]

Mm. But so I get. You know, I get one of these meal kits as well. And I actually have a gang of free boxes because they offer them so often. It's like every three or four meals you buy, or you, you know, on your thing, you get a free. You get a free box that you can send to somebody. And there's just. I even sent you. I sent one to you. You did?

[A]

I. Purple camera. I forgot to claim it. Let me see if it's still in there. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I sent it. It expired. It tells me. It tells me, like, expired stuff. I'll send it to you again. Oh, yes.

[A]

Cause I'm on it now.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I'll send it to you again. And clearly, if you have another email address, I can send you a few.

[A]

But the scam goddess is about to start eating good. The podcast email.

[B]

Right. But yeah, like, I'm like, damn, could I have been doing this the whole time? Am I the stupid one? Like, should I have been just getting myself free food to empty apartments in my building?

[A]

Should you have had an Excel spreadsheet dedicated to robbing? Absolutely.

[B]

Clearly. Clearly. This girl is making me, like, question my life choices.

[A]

Right? And the funny thing is, I do free trials with the full intention to cut it off when it's about to charge me, and I'll put it in my calendar. The day before I'm supposed to turn it off, and I'll still forget to turn it off. And now I probably am giving money to everybody, and they. Mama.

[B]

Yep. Or you just like, after a while, you're just like, well, it's there. I got it. It's there. What can I do about it? You're like, cancel. You can literally click on some links and cancel. I have fucking CBS all access. Cause I love cbs. I do too.

[A]

Because I was watching Love Island. That's the one I was talking about. Cause I was like, I need to fucking delete this shit. But I needed it a little bit longer because I had to see the end of it. Black love. Black love. Black love. Oh my God. Honestly, that gave me faith in black love again. I was like, maybe I can find a black man to love me. Aw.

[B]

So it was worth it. You know what, cbs, thank you.

[A]

Thank you, cbs. Honestly, you did loads for my self esteem because. Okay, this is a. I know we're going on a tangent. I'm sorry, you know, these happened. But did you watch Love Island?

[B]

I have not watched Love Island.

[A]

Okay, well, there's a dark skinned black girl on there and she's from Africa, but like, not like she was like been in America for a very, very long time. Just was born there and I think in the Congo. And so she is on the show. She's tall, she's like got the banging body. She's like very dark skin and beautiful. So she like the first day on Love Island, I don't know if you've ever seen it, but it's like the girls are standing in some water and then the men come out. It's like an ankle bit of water and they in swimsuits. I don't know why they in this water. So they standing in like an ankle bit of water. And then the men come out and the men come out and one at a time. And they get to be like, which girl do you want to be with? But also the girls get to choose. So they have the girls choose first. Like, oh, do y' all think he cute? And if you think he cute or whatever, you step up and then he get to choose from all y' all who he want to be with. Okay, so Justine, she has stepped up the beautiful dark skinned girl to this black guy. And of course he gonna pick the little white girls over her. And I was like, ugh, don't do this to my queen. So then she was with another black guy. He gonna pick the little, you know, ambiguous white girls over her. So then I was like, oh my God, y' all really gonna have this black queen on here just having all the colorism done to her. Then another little light skinned black man came in and he was fine. He was fine as hell. And I was like, oh, he gonna be raggedy. I know he is. And then they. And then she was like, you know, I really like you. I'd like to see where this goes. And he was like, yeah, I like you too. And then he picked her. And then they stayed together the whole time and had beautiful black love. And he'd be taking care of her, and he'd be so sweet to her. And then they won the. And then he got $100,000 because he picked the winning envelope. And then he has a choice, like, if you want to keep the $100,000 to yourself, you can. Or you can split it with your mate. And he was like, you know, I'm splitting it with my girl. And so he gave her other 50,000. I was just crying. I was like, this is so beautiful.

[B]

Oh, that is so beautiful. So. Oh, my God. And they were both beautiful together.

[A]

They were both very fine. And it was just like he was really into her. And then he was, like, kind of nudging her to say, I love you. And she was like, that's cute. And then they went on a helic.

[B]

It's always a helicopter ride, right?

[A]

Oh, I need to get in the helicopter ride. It must make you horny for love. Okay, get up there. Propellers start spinning, Coochie start vibrating. And then you never know, child. So, you know, I'm ready for that.

[B]

I don't think that's how it works at all.

[A]

I think that's how it works.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

I'm pretty sure your coochie vibrating the helicopter. I'm sure the propellers just whipping. That's gotta do something.

[B]

Helicopter pilots. Our fans. Please let us know.

[A]

Let us know. Okay. Cause I've never ridden a helicopter, but yeah. So then he says he loves her. She say she love me back. It was just so cute. And I was like, wow. I had never seen so much black love. We had Cameron and Lauren, and then now this. Like, the black people are winning. You know, the black women. I mean, no, we're. Look, we're losing.

[B]

America's still.

[A]

We're being murdered. But listen, we did win two reality

[B]

television shows, so things are looking up.

[A]

All right, that was a tangent. Let's move on to assistant scammer. So this says, hi, guys. You can call me Penelope. Oh, got your own name. Love your podcast. It keeps me sane on my commute on the New York subway. Oh, yes. Anyways, if you're in New York, we already know you're doing some kind of

[B]

con, because look at you with your own name.

[A]

Okay, so let's move on to assistant scammer. This says, hi, guys. You can call me Penelope. Oh, good. We already have a name. Okay, it says, love the pod. Keeps me sane when I'm on the commute in the New York subway. Oh, thanks. Thank you, boo. And the New York subway. We know you're a scammer. That's all that happens in New York is robbery.

[B]

You never know what kind of red state they're not sending their best.

[A]

Listen, you know how New York is. You never know where anybody works. You don't know where they live. You can't tell how much money people

[B]

make because you never see none of nobody's business.

[A]

Everybody got like, 50, 11 weird jobs unless, like, you know what I mean? It's like you can be a great camera guy.

[B]

Okay, is it a scam? See, I. It's hustle. It's not scam. Or are those synonymous?

[A]

Yeah, that was a rebrand of fraud that you just gave me.

[B]

Okay, well, I mean, I know about that east coast hustle.

[A]

I'm just hustling the credit card companies.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Hustle is.

[B]

Actually has a negative connotation now that I think about the etymology as well.

[A]

Come on. Etymology. So she says. Anyway, this is a scam I ran for basically all of high school. I worked as an assistant to teachers, assistant principals, guidance counselors, basically anyone in the school who had bitch work that had to get done. I was paid barely $5 an hour. This was even lower than the minimum wage at the time. I was given an explanation for how the Department of Education got away with it, but I clearly did not care. I wanted my chump change. So already you're being scammed by these people because, one, you're in high school, right? And you're working for less than minimum wage, right, while going to high school. So anything you did beyond this, honestly, you deserved it because they were scamming you. How they gonna talk about. Okay, so let us explain to you how the Board of Education came to the realization that we could break the law.

[B]

Also, why are you sharing this information? Because they.

[A]

They were lying to her. That's why. Remember, too many details equals a lie.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Anytime somebody employs you and is like, listen, we are not paying you fairly, but this is why. So stay with me. Tuesday, January 4, 1967.

[B]

What? Brown versus Board of Education.

[A]

Plessy versus Ferguson. Roe versus Wade. You with me? Are you with me? The 12th Amendment was citizenship. Like, what are you talking about?

[B]

So it's also like, I'm pretty sure this, like, she said it was all of high school. So what? She's 14 at the time. I'm sure she doesn't have any. She's like, whatever, just give me my five bucks an hour. Like, what are we doing here?

[A]

I have hot Cheetos to buy. Bitch. You had me at $5.

[B]

You had me at $5.

[A]

I love that she was so willing to be gone. She was like, no, shut up, shut up. Give me the money.

[B]

Don't tell me the how, give me the what as in money.

[A]

She said, sometimes teachers would have me grade their multiple choice tests for all of their classes. I would change answers to questions my dumbass friends would get wrong. The New York City public school system is not that rigorous for them to be failing over. Dumb shit.

[B]

Damn. She was making political statements, too. She was like, not my friend. Not with this shitty school system.

[A]

She was like, also for the revolution. You know, like, I want $5 an hour and I also want the revolution. I'm guessing this is like, either these schools are severely underfunded or this is a little bit ago. Because most multiple choice tests are done on Scantrons now. So there is no hand grading.

[B]

But yeah, true.

[A]

So, you know, we'll keep that in mind.

[B]

So it says, well, some people do hand grade scantrons. Like, if you don't have the Scantron machine, you will hand grade the Scantron.

[A]

Oh, wow. What? With one of those, like, bubbly things. You just put over the Scantron and you, like, match it up.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like, I've seen those, like, you know where, like, people will have a Scantron that's like, see through, and then you bubble in the correct answers the whole test. And then you put that on top of people's Scantrons. And then if it don't match, you mark it.

[B]

Oh, that's like. That's like the good way. That's the good way to hand grade. Some people just go in and hand.

[A]

Oh, hell, no. No, no, no, no, no. That's what I remember seeing some teachers do back in the day if they weren't running it through the machine. But she says, but the best scam was I would open deliveries of very expensive items. By the way, no one ever supervised me. I mean, I didn't expect that they're paying you $5 an hour and they

[B]

told you that it was illegal.

[A]

I'm sure they left you to your own devices. I said one of the most lucrative items I got was my senior year I was in charge of taking in graphic calculators. When I was told to take inventory of a shipment of graphic calculators, I knew I Had struck gold. These are worth about $100 each. My scammer senses started to tingle, so I said the amount of calculators delivered versus what was on the invoice didn't match up. It didn't match up. Cause you were stealing them.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

And I love robbery with a tinge of honesty. Being like, hey, y', all, we don't have as many graphic calculators as we should. Something went wrong. Something went wrong, y'. All. Look, I'll confess something that I've never confessed.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Am I gonna really say this?

[B]

Yes. Okay, let me get my teacup.

[A]

Okay. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay, so I once like, no, no, I can't say this.

[B]

No, bitch, you better rewind and start from the top.

[A]

I can't say it. I'll get found out.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Basically, I can't say what it is. I won't say what it is, but I took something from this guy's house that I was dating casually. Because I was like, first of all, he was wasting my time. And because he was wasting my time, I was like, I deserve something for this.

[B]

She wanted to be reimbursed for her time in the relationship.

[A]

I needed to be like Mariah Carey, who sued her ex fiance for wasting her time and money. I decided to take upon myself for a suit that I did not take to court. So I took something from this guy's house, and then we ended up having lunch not too long after or whatever. I think we had dinner before a movie. And he was like, something. This thing is gone. Or like, I don't have as much of it as I did before. And I was like, that's crazy. And he was like. And I was like, someone must have taken it. Wow. Neil was like. He was like, yeah. He was like, either my cleaning lady or like, you're the only other person who's been in my house other than my cleaning lady. And I was like, well, I can afford to get that on my own, so, I mean, I really have no reason to. But it definitely was taken. He was like, yeah. Damn.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And so he never found out it was me.

[B]

You know, like people who go searching for the missing person that they kill.

[A]

No, don't equate me to that.

[B]

Yeah, that's you. That's you. Look in the mirror right now.

[A]

You're so mean. Look, Okay. I wasn't right for it, okay? It wasn't a good thing to do, but he was like a fuck boy. So I was like, fuck him. And I'm taking these things if only

[B]

we knew what those things were.

[A]

I'll tell you after the show. So, yeah, so I love that she's like, giving this honesty. Because I tell you guys, if you lie, you have to lie with the truth. You can't lie with lies. It doesn't work. People poke holes in it. You have to just say the truth. So I absolutely was like, yeah, somebody definitely stole from you. And she was like, y', all, something ain't right. Some calculators are missing. Okay, listen, I did not check.

[B]

Gather round. I have a factual statement to make, which I know and you know is truthful.

[A]

And then she left and her backpack was like, just like all calculators graphing left and right.

[B]

Graphing slope Y equals MX plus B.

[A]

Pythagorean theorying all the way home with all the fucking calculators. So she would do this lie, right? She had skimmed 30 graphic calculators that she then flipped on Craigslist and ebay. She said my stupid 17 year old ass literally met and negotiate the prices with 30 people looking for graphic calculators on the low, low. This was basically how I funded my senior year dues. AP test fees, SAT fees, prom fees, and my prom dress and Lord knows what else. God bless you.

[B]

Shout out to a queen.

[A]

A queen. This is a fantastic scam. You deserved this. Because obviously, look, you didn't even use the money for, like, I'm assuming this was like late 90s.

[B]

You didn't even. It sounds very late 90s to me. Especially graphic calculator at 100 bucks. I'm like, now that shit's probably almost.

[A]

Yeah, it's like 180. It's 180. It's like, expensive. So I'm guessing, like, you know what I mean? Like, you could have spent this money on scrunchies and chokers.

[B]

Late 90s was not. No. God. Oh, Finch, I'm off this podcast. Late 90s ain't no damn chokers and scrunchies. That's early 90s.

[A]

Okay, I was. I was. I'm not gonna say when I was born, but I didn't know about the early 90s that much.

[B]

Late 90s is like, let's see what's late 90s. Late 90s is like cowboy hat, pink cowboy hats with, like, rhinestones.

[A]

All denim outfits.

[B]

Yup.

[A]

You could have spent this money on an all denim outfit, but instead you spent it on SATs, AP test fees. Like, you spent it on good stuff that kids need. Prom fees, prom dress. So you know what? You deserve this money. You Needed this money they were short. Changing you in the first place. As far as I can tell, you didn't tell a lie. You know what I mean?

[B]

The truth.

[A]

You said calculators were missing. You didn't say how, but they were.

[B]

Well, nobody asked you, though, so that's not your fault.

[A]

I feel like, yeah, it is dumb to be 17 and meet up with people on Craigslist to negotiate calculator prices. However, if someone's trying to buy a calculator on Craigslist, I feel like that's a little less. I feel like the pedos aren't going on Craigslist. Like, how can I meet a baby? Ooh, let's see who's selling calculators. Like, I feel like that's a long reach. So you're probably just meeting with, like, nerds, and, like, it's a very specific ask.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like a graphing calculator. Come on. A TI90, right?

[A]

TI89 was my bag. Is it 90 now? It's been a minute since I had one.

[B]

I have. No, I just threw something out.

[A]

But, yeah, so I love this, and I hate that I'd be on this podcast, like, trying to teach people how to lie better. But you know what? If you're gonna do it, do it right. That's all I'm saying. Okay? Don't be out here doing it wrong.

[B]

And if you ask me, I'm just gonna say, you know, New York City public schools served you right, Penny. Can I call you Penny? That's short for Penelope. Yeah. I just want to say, New York City schools, you learned what you needed out of that, which is how to hustle, hustle, hustle hard.

[A]

On the Boulevard. On the Boulevard. Okay, okay, I took it up.

[B]

So we're on the wrong damn coast. Okay? Those Rs were way too hard.

[A]

I love a hard R. A board

[B]

or baby all day. Oh, there's no rural R. Oral day.

[A]

Oral Day. Oh, man. Okay. And last but not least, we've got a doctor Con.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

I love a good doctor Con. Because it's like, you spend so much time in. In school, right? You spend so much of your life, you know, going to undergrad, then med school, then doing your residency, having sex in medical closets with your, you know, nurses and your supervising RNs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the general. What's this face? And we know a lot about medicine. If you can't tell, we do okay? And we know you're all, okay. We saw it on Gray's Night. You fuck and then Half of the wing of the hospital blows up. Somebody gets hit by a bus, you fuck some more, and then, you know,

[B]

the terrorists have to show up. Come on.

[A]

Yeah, you steal a heart and give it to the guy that you're fucking. You know, these are things that happen at the hospital every day.

[B]

Normal hospitals, at least.

[A]

So this is a good old Dr. Con. It says, I'm gonna start this one. I'll give her a name. I'll call her Jenny.

[B]

Jenny.

[A]

Jenny from the block. Jenny from the block says I'm a plus sized woman.

[B]

I'm sorry, is her last name from the block?

[A]

Yes, it's from da block. All one word.

[B]

All one word. Got it?

[A]

Jenny from the block.

[B]

From the block.

[A]

And if you know American dad, that's a deep American dad. Cut. So it says, I'm a plus size woman. But some years ago, I had the misfortune of going to a doctor who would comment on my weight or encourage me to lose weight every visit. And not in a genuine this is affecting your health kind of way. Like, in a. I'd have great labs and good blood pressure, and he'd still tell me to lose weight in a very gross feeling kind of way. No matter what the symptom I was presenting, he would always subscribe to it, being that I was overweight. So you come in and you're like, oh, doctor, you know, I'm having a cough. My throat's a little red. It's because you overweight.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

The flu's going around. It could be the flu. No, no, no, no, no. That's because you was eating too much. Okay?

[B]

I had a. In college, we had a school nurse who everything you. Every problem you had is because you were eating too many carbs. You'd be like, I got a flu. Carbs. Cut the carbs.

[A]

You cut the carbs is what you got.

[B]

He'd be like, I think I have appendicitis fucking carbs. I told you to cut them.

[A]

Last time you came here, I saw you eating bread. That's why your leg is numb, okay?

[B]

Like, what are we doing here?

[A]

You wouldn't have asthma if you would slow down on the pizza, okay? We talked about this already. I had a nurse who was so fucking mean. I still remember her name. I'm gonna say her name. Fuck it. McKeska. Nurse Mackeska.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

She was mean as shit. Like, if you were sick, like, short of, like, if you said you threw up, she'd be like, show me to throw up. Like, she wouldn't. If you threw Up. You had to not flush the toilet.

[B]

Gross.

[A]

And then. I'm not even kidding. And go get her. Cause she would not believe people when they said they threw up.

[B]

Oh, she was so mean. That's so fucked up. Nurture.

[A]

Ratchet. Right? And also, like, how you gonna have. How you gonna be a nurse and just be mean as fuck? Like, nurses are supposed to be like, the nice ones, right? Baby, what is you doing? And you a school nurse? Like, come on now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But you know what? That was racism. I didn't realize when I was a kid how much racism I was experiencing. I remember when they did the lice checks in school. And then. Cause I had black people hair. They was poking through my hair with that comb, all scary.

[B]

Yep. They'd be like, okay.

[A]

Ugh, you're good. You don't have them. It's fine. They couldn't survive in there.

[B]

That's what they would always say. They'd be like, your hair is too coarse for lice anyway. So. Yeah, they shouldn't survive because I never had lice. Thank you.

[A]

Right. Neither did I. Also, I remember one time I got a perm. You know, if you got perms back in the day, like, sometimes the chemical could burn your scalp. And so I had a chemical burn. And I was like, oh. She was like, why are you touching your head? My art teacher. And I was like, oh, I have a. A perm burn. And she. I was like, I have a perm burn on my scalp. And she's like, ew. And I never. I never forgot that. I never forgot that. Her saying ill to me like that. It's like, no, bitch, I'm black. Like, I wish I could have been a woke child. Like, I wish that I could have been out here snatching wigs of all the teachers in my community every day. But shout out to teachers, though, because I know your job is hard. Except for racist white teachers in Texas, because y' all fucking suck.

[B]

And in New Jersey as well.

[A]

Yeah, probably in every state, to be honest.

[B]

I'm gonna say the country, the world.

[A]

It's very scary that racist people are teachers because they're definitely fucking our kids over and giving them bad grades and suspending them more often, and it's just awesome.

[B]

And sometimes even sending them to jail, Prison to school, Pipeline.

[A]

Whoop, whoop. And those are sad whoops. But they were so Back to our Dr. Scammer.

[B]

Oh, wait. And also, I just wanted to comment on this. Jenny from the block. Yeah. You know, this is a. This is something that has been coming up lately, like in the media or whatever, that doctors really are fat phobic. And a lot of how they are prescribing things and treating patients is based in that bias, that fatphobia. And like she said, you'll have good labs, everything's fine. Heart, everything is good. But then they just are constantly encouraging you to, you know, lose weight and any issues you do have, whether they're related or not. Like, this is a thing. And I'm glad that Jenny sent this in because this is something that needs to be paid attention to.

[A]

Yeah. And also, guys, something that I've learned that I do now is because doctors are also very racist against black women. They are less likely to prescribe as painkillers or things for anxiety. Like, they're very, very racist. So what I do when I get a new doctor is I say, hey, you know, I have some hesitation because in the past I've had very racist doctors who won't treat me because I'm. And you know, I'm just really hoping not to have that experience again. And I say it up top. So if they start moving weird and funky, the next thing I do, if I ask for a test and they say they won't give it to me, I say, okay, just put that in writing. And then they give you the fucking test. Like, you have to be an advocate for yourself because doctors are not necessarily good people. And we all think because they're healers and they went to the schools that they care about people. But the truth of the matter is that some. A lot of doctors, like, they were like, oh, I can get brain for the rest of my life being a doctor and I'm smart enough to do so. Doesn't mean that they're a good fucking person or they're in it for the right reasons or they joy from helping people. You know what I mean? So just keep that in mind when you go to the doctor and get a second opinion. You know what I mean?

[B]

Get a third opinion if you need to get as many. Listen, if it wasn't for a second opinion last year, I would have been on hormones for six months because the doctor just didn't know what the fuck they were doing. And instead of telling me I don't know what I'm doing, go get a second opinion. They were just extremely encouraging of me getting a second opinion. I was like, you really want me to get that second opinion? Turns out I didn't need no goddamn, you know, hormones. You needed surgery. Exactly.

[A]

And I'm in the same place that's another thing is doctors tend to be arrogant. So sometimes they will just tell you the thing that they're good at, and they won't tell you the thing that's best for you because that's the only thing they can do. I just had a fucking. I had one doctor before this one. Cause I have fibroids. Tell me, oh, you know, we can do X rays, or we can shoot you up with these hormones that are gonna send you into menopause. And at the time I was 26, I'm like, I don't wanna go into menopause at 26. And then I had another doctor tell me, okay, well, we can do this, but we're gonna have to take your uterus out. And then finally I got to a doctor who's like, no, this is a minimally invasive surgery. Like, you're not supposed to have your whole vagina ripped out. So, you know, you gotta just keep going until it feels right. Like, don't just trust a doctor.

[B]

It feels right.

[A]

Cause they're a doctor.

[B]

So critical. Until it feels right. Because you know that moment where you're like, I don't know. That doesn't sound. And then you go along with it because of that authority. It's also the authority thing. Doctors as well, you know, like.

[A]

And trust that moment. Because doctors will never tell you, hey, I don't have a lot of experience with that. They. Most doctors, unless you have a really good one, will lie to you. Because they want the coins. And it's sad, but it's true. They want the surgery coins.

[B]

Absolutely. Or if they don't want the coins, it's because they genuinely are too fucking arrogant to acknowledge that they. They don't, you know, they don't know everything.

[A]

Exactly. And that's okay. Every doctor can't specialize in everything. So just make sure that you're confident. You want a doctor who's, like, almost horny for it. They've done it a million times, and they're like, this is my thing. Like, you don't want to go to somebody who's like, yeah, yeah, we gonna try. Like, you know, okay, you don't want that. You don't want 50, 50 when you about to go under. So, you know, this doctor's obviously pretty fat phobic, but there's something else going on here. So she says, in another visit, he suggested again how many over many times. So he's this many, many times that I consult with a nutritionist in his practice. Now, I'm not opposed to nutritionists. If she had some great advice or something tailored to my particular issues or allergies, I thought this would be helpful. So I agreed to meet with her. She had me sit down, and without even asking me about my goals or lifestyle, she immediately recommends something called Meta Fast. Oh, Lord, that no matter. Anything that's got fast in it or meta like that, just meta scam.

[B]

Come on now, that's robbery.

[A]

So she said that no matter what degree of health you're at, how heavy or light you are, Medifast is the ideal diet for everyone. Now, when she said that, sis, you should have known, okay? And she writes in here, Jenny from the block writes, everyone.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Question mark?

[B]

Everyone, Lacey, everyone.

[A]

And she said. And she. She stressed that it tasted amazing and that I wouldn't miss my regular food. Too much, too much, too much.

[B]

That's all, girl.

[A]

You're not gonna miss eating at all. You're not even gonn eating. You're like, why was I even eating food like that? Why? I should have been having meta powder all the time. So she sells me on a six month of this diet as a trial. Six month is definitely not a trial.

[B]

That's a lifestyle change.

[A]

And she even says six months is definitely five and a half months. Too much for a trial. Trials should definitely be two weeks. You write about that. I ended up having it delivered to my home. Shake mixes and various snacks and meal replacements. Now, being a big girl, there's no question that I find pleasure in food. So when I opened up the first bag of snacks, I was disappointed that they tasted like lightly salted Styrofoam. The shakes were even worse. I forced myself to eat this garbage for about two weeks. I wasn't even that hungry. It's. It was absolute garbage. I looked into the diet after that, and I found out that there was hardly any nutritional value at all. And I called my doctor's office to get out of it, but I was locked in.

[B]

What did they have, guns to your head?

[A]

I was on the hook for all this crap food. What kind of fucking doctor's office is this? How you gonna be running scams? Scams md, okay.

[B]

Can you imagine that doctor? Be like, what the fuck do you mean, you wanna return this? You wanna get out of this? You crazy? You see how big you are?

[A]

You bought the shakes. You're gonna drink the shakes. I can't do it. You do it so good. You're doing so good. Hey, Paulie. She bought the shakes.

[B]

Who is this guy over here? I never seen him before. Who is this guy? I don't recognize that accent.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. So, embarrassingly, it wasn't until years later, when I realized I was telling the story to my therapist, that she went on this tirade about how much she hates doctors like this. Then she went on to tell me that the specific diet I was on actually offers kickbacks to medical professionals who sell it through their practice. I felt so mad that this guy wasn't just a judgmental douche, but he specifically targets his own patients for extra profit. Oh, man.

[B]

And you know what? And this is actually, like, a problem in the medical industrial complex, which is, you know, it's not just diets. It's also pharmaceutical reps taking doctors out for, you know, lobster dinners and all that stuff.

[A]

And.

[B]

And then they prescribe you these things that are simply because they're getting a kickback. I mean, it's so unethical. It's so fucked up. It's so unethical. And I'm still trying to understand how that's even a legal thing, but somehow the medical industrial complex lobbying probably has made this shit legal. But, yeah, all these drugs. Thankfully, I'm not at an age yet where, like, prescribing drugs is, like, a normal thing, but my mom is always telling me about how they're trying to prescribe her all kinds of stuff, and you find out that they're getting these kickbacks, right?

[A]

It's like, oh, yeah, girl. What? You said that your leg goes numb when you sit on it. I got a pill for that, okay? It's only small side effects like eye bleeding and death,

[B]

always.

[A]

But that's it. That's it. Your eye might bleed a little bit or you might die, but your leg won't go numb when you sit on it, and that's what's important.

[B]

And let's be real, we're all gonna die.

[A]

You might as well die with full sensation in your leg when you sit on it, okay?

[B]

Because you're gonna be dead. Enjoy it while you got it.

[A]

Oh, man, I'm so sorry if that happened to you, girl, but y' all look out, because these doctors be scamming, too. And that brings the US to the conclusion of this season of Confessions. Amen. Amen.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

Where would you like to be found, Priscilla?

[B]

Nowhere. However, here. Here are my socials. You can find me on IG ricilladaviesactor, and you can find me on Twitter at, like, Queen of the Desert.

[A]

Yes. And, guys, as always, you can leave your scam stories here for us. Snitch on your friends and [e-mail] and if you want to find us, Scam Goddess Pod on all platforms. And if you want to find me D I V A L A C I Diva Lacey on all platforms Congregation stay scared. Scam, goddam it.