Con-Fessions: The Fraudulent Fans of the Con-gregation

Summary

Scam Goddess – "Con-Fessions: The Fraudulent Fans of the Con-gregation"
Release Date: July 8, 2021
Hosts: Laci Mosley & Priscilla Davies

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Overview

This episode of Scam Goddess dives into "Con-fessions," a recurring bonus segment where listeners send in their own stories of scam-adjacent mischief, personal brushes with fraud, or scammer tales from their lives. Hosts Laci Mosley and Priscilla Davies read listener emails, riff with their trademark irreverent humor, and dissect both workplace shadiness (looking at you, Amazon) and truly wild family fraud. As always, the tone is comedic, playful, and critical of the systems and personalities that enable scamming—while still appreciating audacious grifts.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Time, Burnout, and "The Megacycle" at Amazon

(00:00-11:45)

• The episode opens with banter about the elusiveness and weirdness of time post-2020, complete with “time dilation equilibrium” jokes and massage parlor mini-scams.
• The first listener "confession" is from an Amazon delivery worker ("Tamara Ford") revealing the introduction of a brutal, ominously titled 10-hour overnight "megacycle" shift.
  • Laci: “I don’t think I ever want to be a part of anything at work called mega-anything. That feels like, ‘Welcome to the megacycle: Are you ready to keep your job and your life with Amazon.com?’” (03:30)
  • Laughter and outrage over the exploitative terms; Priscilla calls out Amazon’s cult-like vibe, referencing barbed wire and Area 51 secrecy.
• Discussion of capitalism, monopolies, and how Amazon's dominance impacts both workers and customers.
  • Priscilla: “Once someone gets a monopoly, it gets dark. Everyone’s just waiting to go bankrupt.” (05:51)
  • Laci: “Amazon factories are almost like jails, bro. ... They’re always secluded, so we can’t see what’s going on.” (10:33)
• The segment exposes the absence of an actual “scam” in the listener email, joking that Tamara scammed the hosts into reading her rant.

2. Confession: The Counterfeiting Stepdad Saga

(11:45-30:44)

• The second email, from "Lanithia" (a nod to Nene Leakes), starts like a family drama: father dies young, mother is left with three small kids, quickly remarries an ER patient.
  • Priscilla: “I don’t see an issue for her to just take some time for herself, girl … get you some mouse ears and some goddamn overpriced dick.” (16:03)
• The stepdad convinces the family to move to rural Oregon and they open multiple businesses: Omega Video Imaging (custom photo gifts), Kingdom of Life (a tax-exempt religious tape ministry), and finally, a diet franchise.
• Suddenly, it's revealed the mom and stepdad were producing counterfeit government bonds with their printing equipment, ultimately triggering an IRS and FBI investigation.
  • Laci: “She is an icon. Counterfeit bonds, bro! ... This is a movie. ... Your mom is a kingpin.” (21:52, 22:07)
• The mother acquires wealth—cars, a boat, and the highly prestigious "Executive Costco Membership."
  • Laci and Priscilla riff hilariously on what such a title must entail and why it’s the true mark of success. (18:40–19:36)
• After an investigation, everything is repossessed, stepdad deserts the family, and uses the widow’s insurance money to fund more scams and businesses.
• The family saga crescendos with the stepdad’s staged death:
  • After a suspicious “funeral with Ziploc bags of ashes,” the mother discovers forged death certificates and learns of him being sighted alive. Priscilla sums up: “A motherfucker like that is a survivor.” (28:10)
• Hosts move from fascinated admiration for scamcraft ("Best scam ever!") to moral disgust when it’s clear the stepdad preyed on a grieving widow, not corporate villains.
  • Laci: “He used up all their credit, took her on vacation with her own goddamn credit... That’s just weak, bro.” (28:20–30:22)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Amazon’s Mega Cycle
  • Laci: “If you do anything fun, time is racing. Don’t be gettin’ a massage, that time is boom-boom-bah. But if you’re working, time is like a plank—it’s so slow!” (01:17)
  • Laci: “Amazon should not be the Olympics.” (04:21)
  • Priscilla: “That’s how they fit in an extra three clients a day, right? Speed up the clock, bitch.” (02:15, 02:25)
• On Monopoly as a Capitalist Allegory
  • Priscilla: “Once I’m up, I’m like, ‘fuck all the poors’ ... And then when I’m down, I’m begging.” (06:30)
  • Laci: “… at the end you’re like—I’ll suck your dick. You’re broken by Monopoly.” (06:17)
• On Stepdad’s Bond Scam
  • Laci: “All that expensive software and equipment was also making counterfeit bonds. … Your mom’s a kingpin!” (21:44, 22:07)
  • Priscilla: “She had multiple irons in multiple fires.” (21:54)
• On the Ziploc ‘Funeral’
  • Priscilla: “Ziploc bags of ashes? Did this man fake his death?” (26:21)
  • Laci: “If you ain’t dead, I gotta go and make sure you are, like, I mean, finalize that divorce, sis.” (27:54)
• On Scams with Morals
  • Priscilla: “Take these fucking skills to Wall Street. … We wanna see scammers with ambition, who’ve got the talent, who studied their craft. We don’t wanna see lazy-ass, mediocre scam.” (30:04–30:44)
  • Laci: “We hate you, stepdad Bill. And we know you’re alive. And we’re gonna fucking find you.” (30:44)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:03–02:28 – Opening jokes on time, work, and massages.
• 02:28–11:45 – Amazon “megacycle” confession: working conditions, management shadiness, capitalism riff.
• 11:45–21:44 – Lanithia’s saga begins: tragic loss, fast remarry, moving, new businesses, and the diet franchise.
• 21:44–22:58 – Bombshell: Counterfeit government bonds scam (top scam of the episode).
• 22:58–30:44 – The fallout: FBI investigation, failed businesses, family betrayal, staged death, and the moral debate on scammers who prey on the vulnerable.
• 30:44–32:14 – Closing jokes, recap, and hosts’ hope for stories of “ambitious” scammers.

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Flow & Tone

Even as the episode explores the grim realities of wage labor and family betrayal through scams, Laci and Priscilla maintain an energetic, witty, and satirical tone. Their banter is peppered with cultural references, improv riffing, and performatively exasperated reactions. They balance empathy and comedic detachment, always circling back to the vulnerabilities—emotional and systemic—that make scams possible.

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Final Thoughts

"Con-Fessions: The Fraudulent Fans of the Con-gregation" is a classic Scam Goddess blend of listener-driven content, sharp social commentary, and laugh-out-loud improvisational comedy. The episode underscores that scams can hit close to home, raising questions about who deserves to be the target of a con (spoiler: not grieving widows), and why we find scam stories both outrageous and compelling.

Memorable sign-off:
Laci: “Stay scheming, but maybe not on us.” (32:04)

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For more scam stories or to send your own, email scamgoddesspodmail.com (with your scam retired—don’t fuck up your bag!)

Transcript

[A]

What?

[B]

What? What is popping, Congregation? It's time for another installment of Scam Goddesses. That's not it. Oh, wow. Wow. I'm already fucking up from the top confessions, guys. This is the secret podcast. It's hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess, and Priscilla Davies.

[A]

It's so secret that we don't even know what it's called, bro.

[B]

It's been a long week and a long year, so that's a fact.

[A]

It's definitely been a long week.

[B]

Just trying to do what I can, you know, we're halfway through the year now. It's after July. We made it to the halfway point of 2021. Can you believe.

[A]

I can barely believe it. I still feel like it's 2020. You know, when you lose a whole year, it kind of fucks with your time dilation equilibrium.

[B]

And so what you said that's so

[A]

casually, your time dilation equilibrium, it's. It's a scientific term.

[B]

Sure, sure. Mama. Say mama Samakusa.

[A]

Exactly. That's the Swahili way of saying it. So. So, yeah, it's shocking. I can't believe that it's already 2021 and. Or halfway through. Time just seems to be flying, you

[B]

know, it really does. But at the same time, standing still very slowly. You know, half of the time, I feel like I'm holding a plank. And that's how time. Like that slowly. Like, you know, when you do any kind of exercise, all of a sudden Father Time be like, hey, let's hit pause.

[A]

Like, let's make it burn.

[B]

But then if you're doing anything fun, that time is racing, okay? Don't be getting a massage. That time is boo boo bah.

[A]

Okay? As soon as it starts to feel good, it's a wrap.

[B]

Except for one time I got a massage. And I talked about this on the main podcast, but I'm just bringing up this one small point. I got out of the massage and was waiting for my friend, and the masseuse comes out and it was a horrible massage. He comes out and he was like, oh, your friend still isn't out yet. Weird. Cause you started after her. He was like, it's 12:08. And I looked at my clock and it was 11:53. I said, sir, how you gonna have a fast clock and your whole job is doing something that's on the clock?

[A]

That's messed up, that's shady.

[B]

That's shady as hell.

[A]

That's how they fit in an extra three clients a day, right?

[B]

It's like the time is Always fast.

[A]

Always.

[B]

That's so shady. That would be. That's actually an excellent tactic though.

[A]

Like just speed up that clock, bitch.

[B]

Speed up the clock to get more people in. Well guys, let's get into it. Confessions. This is the show where we read your letters and your confessions about scams that you were participating in adjacent to maybe plan to do you know, as always, email scamgoddesspodmail.com just make sure your scam is retired. Cause we don't want to. What? Fuck up your bag.

[A]

Fuck up your bag. Amen.

[B]

So let's see here. Priscilla, you wanna read this first one?

[A]

Sure. Hi. I work at Amazon Delivery. Do they have a name? This person?

[B]

No. I guess I need to give them a name.

[A]

Yes, you do.

[B]

Let's go with Tammy Ford.

[A]

She's got a first and a last name. Tamra Ford. Tammy Ford.

[B]

Now she Tamra. She's a serious Tammy for short.

[A]

I work at an Amazon delivery station. Getting paid to work out. That's in quotes is thrown around a lot. But it's true. I've been burning like 1200 calories a workday since they started this mega cycle.

[B]

I'm currently in the megacycle. That seems like such an ominous thing to call anything at work. I don't think I ever want to be a part of anything at work called mega anything that feel like a lot of work. That feels like welcome to the mega cycle. Are you employees ready to keep your job and your Life with the Amazon.com Mega Cycle?

[A]

Like what it's giving cult nigga, if

[B]

I don't win $100,000 after this workday, like I'm not doing no mega cycle. That sounds like a lot of work.

[A]

Well, she's burning 1200 calories a day,

[B]

so that's too much.

[A]

That's actually. That's like dangerous, ma'. Am.

[B]

Right? I'm like, sis. The only professions this should be happening is like ones where it makes sense. Like swimming. Like okay, if you Michael Phelps Y, you be burning lots of calories. I think he was burning like 12,000 a day at one point or something crazy. But like if you work in a physical arena. But Amazon should not be the Olympics.

[A]

Okay, so Marina sent us a little something. It says the company has been quietly transitioning warehouse workers at Amazon warehouses nationwide to a 10 hour graveyard shift known as the mega cycle.

[B]

What? 10 hours graveyard? Almost half the day. It's not even graveyard. Cause of the time of day. That shit is graveyard. Because they trying to send you to an early grave.

[A]

AKA the Mega Cycle.

[B]

Yo, these niggas are crazy. Amazon is a cult. Wow.

[A]

And you know, it just angers me so much, like how like niggas are calling out Jeff Bezos so hard. It's like. And his wife is. His ex wife, pardon me, is disrespecting the hell out of him by donating everything she's ever had in her life to every person on the planet. And this guy can't even pay his fucking workers a living wage. And he makes so much money, 90% of it off of me. A lot of it's off of me. I'm ashamed of myself.

[B]

It's disgusting. Yeah. Because economies of scale, once a company has gotten to this place, which is why in capitalism we try to keep this from happening. Because when you have a Monopoly, nobody ever comes back in the game of Monopoly. That's why it's so fucking hostile. Everybody can tell when there's a turning point on the day on the roll where somebody has now acquired two things.

[A]

Gets really dark. Everything, it's really somber. Okay. The mood changes.

[B]

No one has ever come back up after one person gets a monopoly. It's not like they're going to struggle after that. All that's going to happen is you're just going to keep rolling, going to jail, getting out, getting a little high off of a community chest. Only be slammed back down when you land on boardwalk. And you know, and then, and then by the end you're like, suck your dick.

[A]

Oh my God, you're broken. You're broken by the end of a good Monopoly game. My God, taking me weeks to come back after things like that.

[B]

There's no such thing as a good Monopoly game unless you are the winner like everybody else. It's not fun for.

[A]

And also what's interesting is how your like attitude changes. Like, I understand capitalism when I play Monopoly, once I'm up, I'm like, fuck all the poors. I always hated poor people. I wish you would die of poor'. N'. Em. And then once my shit goes back down, I'll be like, son, I can't believe I never said something like that to you before. Please, I'll suck your dick. I mean, it's a roller coaster. It's an emotional roller coaster. A lot of good families broken up off of a Monopoly game.

[B]

I have a scratch from a Monopoly game with my cousins. Someone tried to cut me.

[A]

You have a scar. Oh my God, I do.

[B]

From playing with my cousins. So it gets real. But okay, continue.

[A]

So I'm currently in the process of exposing one of Our shift managers of being a microaggressive harasser. Okay, okay. She's really living the stereotype of what men imagine. Women managers are like. Okay, I also may or may not take advantage of random breaks in the second half of the shift. The hardest part is just trying to look busy. Whatever. I listen to audiobooks and you, I'm really just messaging you because I haven't heard you say anything about what's happening here, about Sho.

[B]

Okay, this is becoming just like a conversation at the end of this letter.

[A]

Where is the scam?

[B]

Tamara? Don't think that we didn't notice that you just scammed us by sending us. Like, you had me all titillated with talking about Amazon, talking about the megacycle. And then there's no scam here. Now you talk about a God in central Florida. Now we just chit chatting. Tammy. Tamara.

[A]

She had the nerve to be like parentheses. Is every word capitalized? Yes. On being a God in central Florida is capitalized. Okay. It's a title. Come on, Tamara.

[B]

Yeah, it's a. Since the Amazon stuff is under investigation, I'll just have to email you again when I get that. Karen fired. Oh, so wow. So this is the precursor to the actual scam email. So now I gotta pick up another one.

[A]

Tamara, she's trying to start like, the Tamra Ford was her last name. The Tamra Ford files.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Where we follow her over the seasons, we keep updated.

[B]

She gives us just a little spoonful each time. Like, why are you turning this into a true crime series? But it's like serial, where I gotta listen every week to know more about this little story.

[A]

Okay, wow.

[B]

Tammy. Tammy Ford. The disrespect. It's the disrespect for me. But also, this is hilarious. And also I learned about the megacycle, the mega cycle. I just feel like there should never be a 10 hour shift anywhere where you have to do physical labor. I just think 10 hours is too long. Like, it's insane. You get tired of eight hours and start getting sloppy. Ten, you're definitely about to drop a hammer on somebody head.

[A]

A physical? Yeah. Okay. A physical. Yeah. Any physical labor? Honestly, to me, eight is even long. I feel like six should be the max. And six to eight is like, if you're pushing it and you try, you got kids to feed, you know? I mean, yeah, kids to feed, right?

[B]

And I mean, if you're getting an hour break, maybe eight, if it's not all grueling labor. But like some of these jobs, I'm just like, no, Bro, this is ridiculous. Like she said she was trying to look busy. So I'm sure that this sounds like this manager may be a Karen, but also Tammy, it sounds like you are not participating in Amazon slave culture, okay? Which means that you work nonstop. Like until your fingers are brittle and your back is broken.

[A]

Yep, exactly. That's what you signed at the bottom of your contract.

[B]

You all read it for the mega cycle.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

It's not just a regular cycle. It's a mega cycle. Now, does that mean mega money? Hell no. Okay? It's mini money mega cycle.

[A]

Here's the thing. I mean, she's burning 1200 calories. So if you convert that into money, as they do in the mega cycle, that's. No, I mean girl, if she burned

[B]

at 1200, she's obviously working hard enough. So this woman is crazy and wants these people to work until they are bloody and bruised and limping out. I just imagine everyone leaving. Cause think about it. Amazon factories are almost like jails, bro. It's not like you ever just see an Amazon factory next to a Starbucks or something. They're always secluded, so we can't see what's going on. We can't see who's getting shipped wheeled out.

[A]

Barbed wire fences. Plenty like eight checkpoints, right?

[B]

It's like getting into the goddamn Area 51 to see what's going on at Amazon. And then if you want to know, like the only thing you gonna get is commercials. Like they did those creepy ass Scientology commercials during the pandemic. I work at Amazon and everything is so clean and sanitized every day. And I have lunch and I pee whenever I want and never in a powerade bottle. And I love Jeff Bezos. He' one time he let me touch his bald head. It was very smooth. And he pays lots of money. Honestly, too much money. I'm always like, jeff, please stop giving me so much. Actually, take it back.

[A]

I do not want a living wage. I would prefer a non living wage.

[B]

I want to die. That's why I work here. Like what?

[A]

Right? She's got a gun like pressed to her back.

[B]

Like it's funny, but it's only funny because it's like you're laughing to keep from crying. This is so goddamn sad.

[A]

It's so ridiculous.

[B]

Well, at least we learned about the megacycle even though we didn't get a scam. Tamara, you're on notice, okay?

[A]

Don't think I want to get an email. I know you didn't scam us into reading your non scam letter.

[B]

I love that for all of us, truly. So let's get to the next one. Okay, so I'm just gonna say this starts as Buckle in, sister. So this is a white woman with

[A]

a hard R. With a hard R.

[B]

She's sistered with the hard R. Okay, so we know. Gosh, I need a name. Priscilla. And we might have to take turns on this one. It's long.

[A]

Okay, let's call her Lanithia.

[B]

Lanithia. You know I love Lanithia Leakes. Okay.

[A]

Oh, that's her. Yeah, I knew I heard about that somewhere. I thought I made it up. Shout out to Lanithi. She doesn't like. When he got shout out to Nene Leakes. She, like, cursed out Andy for calling her Lit. She was like, who?

[B]

But she did. She got a restaurant now called the Lanithia.

[A]

Oh, okay. That then Shout out to Lanithia Leaks,

[B]

which does sound like the Lanithia. Sounds like it might could be a cute place.

[A]

It's hard to pronounce the Lanithia.

[B]

Wow. Are you choking now? She's choking. She's dying. Wow.

[A]

I'm gonna put that on my Yelp review on the Lanithia.

[B]

Priscilla, we're on a mega cycle, so I'm gonna need you to stop joking. Okay, thanks.

[A]

Okay. I'm sorry.

[B]

So this story has so many twists and turns, I don't know if I'll be able to make this email an appropriate link. You didn't. Lanithia. And I'm going to do my best to give you the spark notes in two parts because this tea needs to be spilled. Just want you to know, Lanithia, you could have cut out all of that, and then that would have also made it shorter.

[A]

We will be editing as we go along. Just so you know, when I was five years old.

[B]

Okay, since you started when you was five. Yeah. It's gonna be long. Okay. When I was five years old, Jesus made the heavens and earth. And so it says. When I was five years old, my dad was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. Oh, I'm sorry. Lanithia. And despite an epic fight that he put up, that he put to his cancer to get it into remission, he had a heart attack at the young age of 33 and left this world. Oh, my gosh. Damn. Your daddy could not get a break overnight. My mom became a single parent of a five, two, and one year old baby. Lord Jesus, I cannot imagine what it must have been like for her. And I don't sit in judgment of the decision she made in the following six months. And here are the highlights. Okay. She got three kids, all under the age of five. I don't. Honestly, when I love how she sets.

[A]

This is starting off like a Law and Order episode.

[B]

I like how she stepped down.

[A]

That she made in the following six months.

[B]

Six months.

[A]

And here are the highlights. King. King.

[B]

Okay. And one thing I will say though is if she didn't leave y' all little niggas on the curb after the funeral, then like, you really can't fault her for nothing because that's a lot. Nobody signs up to be a single mom of three especially.

[A]

I mean, a one year old, that's the one that takes you over. Like, it's different if you had two

[B]

babies and now you know you're dealing with what you're dealing with. But if you had a whole husband and you all was like, come on, baby, one more, let's try for a boy. And then he dip out on you. No, no, no, no. That's. I'm upset. So he began dating. She began dating a patient she met in the ER where she was working as a CNA within weeks of my dad's passing. One month after my dad's passing away was the 1992 7.3 magnitude earthquake. My brother, sister and I were staying with family when the quake jolted us all awake. We were all staying with family because my mom's new boyfriend took her to Disneyland for the weekend. My mom married that man six months into dating. New step daddy convinced my mom to move herself and us kids from LA to a middle of nowhere town in South Oregon, thousands of miles from anyone we knew or loved. Us. Oh, wow. I see where this is going. The isolation. That's not cute. Although I will say, like, okay, yeah, y' all was at home and mama was at Disneyland, but your mama also had to take care of your daddy for many, many years before, you know, God took him home. So she probably had no fun in a long time. She got a five year old, a one year old and a two year old.

[A]

I don't see. I mean, I don't see this as an issue for her to just take some. She's going through it like, take some fucking time for yourself, girl.

[B]

Girl, you better get you some mouse ears and some goddamn overpriced dick. Yeah, and some dick. Okay. On the. It's a small world after all, you

[A]

know, which I've done before. Dick on that ride is great.

[B]

Just saying, you deserve it. You deserve it. Queen. So my mom and her new husband assured everyone that moving out of LA would give her their new business, Omega Video Imaging. Okay. A better chance of succeeding. What was ovi? It was three thousands of dollars in computer and photography equipment that allowed them to take a photo, edit it on Photoshop in any way, and press the image onto T shirts, keychains, mugs, posters, et cetera. Do you remember when people liked putting their face on Wonder Woman's body and then wearing it on a T shirt? That's the shit that Omega Video Imaging can bring into your life. Wow. Okay.

[A]

Okay. That's not a. I mean, listen, that's a job.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I see.

[B]

No qualms.

[A]

I'm still with mom on this. Let's go. Right.

[B]

We still riding with her. So I also need you to know that while O was growing, my mom and stepdad launched a church on tape company called Kingdom of Life. Okay. Now I'm starting. Now I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it. People would send them money for tape recorded sermons. The thing about being a properly set up 501c3 ministry is you can operate under a tax exempt status. Hot scammer tip. If you want to keep all your money, start a ministry and create subsidiary companies. Oh, so I need to get my church popping, and then everything else I'm doing, I'll be like, that's a subsidiary company. They'd be like, ma', am, the government does need money for your iCarly checks. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

You don't understand what I'm saying.

[B]

I am anointing the show. When I go on there, it's actually I'm just there to do prayer work.

[A]

I'm a chaplain, but I also act.

[B]

Yeah, I do say some lines, but only in his name, you know, so it's still a part of the church. Don't get it twisted.

[A]

So I'm just gonna keep this bag of money and go right.

[B]

You know in the beginning when the theme song said. I know. You see Somehow the world will change for me. Wonderful. Amen. Amen. Amen. And so. That's a hymn. That's a hymn. Live life, breathe air. I know somehow we gonna get there through God. Okay, thank you. Oh, I'm about to do this. I'm about to get me a church popping. This is Amen. This is.

[A]

Yeah, that's actually a good idea.

[B]

So at some point in the late 90s, my mom started buying some real estate or. Sorry, some real out of the box fancy stuff. New cars, a boat executive, Costco membership. Okay, sis, you said new cars. A boat.

[A]

Executive Costco membership. Not that bullshit general admission Costco nonsense.

[B]

What happens when you got executive? Do they, like, have somebody like a concierge to push the cart around for you?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

You come in through the back.

[A]

Like, what are the benefits of an executive Costco membership?

[B]

It must be nice, because it came after new cars and a boat.

[A]

That was the third one. Like, she wanted us to send it home with that one. Like, oh, and y' all thought that was special.

[B]

She also got executive Costco membership. She. She hang out with Mr. Costco himself now.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

She always got a meatball. Even when they run out, they find a Swedish one for her. They find a hot dog for her. Okay? So she.

[A]

She wasn't affected by the non samples during COVID They sent samples, okay?

[B]

That's what I expect. If I have executive, you better. And they better still have a toothpick in them. Yeah, and they better be hot.

[A]

They better arrive warm as fuck.

[B]

So she even bought into a franchise called Diet Light.

[A]

Her office was located in strip mall called Diet Light. Isn't that. Isn't that a double negative? Because if something is diet, it's also light. Like light yogurt or diet yogurt.

[B]

Yeah, but diet light yogurt gon be really.

[A]

That's that real diet shit, right?

[B]

That's diet. Diet. Okay. That's light. Light.

[A]

You know, it's really. It's like super light.

[B]

Oh, yes. So diet Lite. Yes. Doesn't sound scammy at all that her office was located in a strip mall. Okay, so we know that's us next to a Baskin Robbins, 31 flavors. Interesting that diet Light, just like all of the Weight watchers, is located to a notoriously sweet place. It's almost like y' all niggas be making these things together. So it's like we gotta keep them tempted so they keep coming back.

[A]

Yo, her, I'm still not seeing where she's gone wrong.

[B]

Yeah, it's actually all sounding really good to me.

[A]

I mean, she was doing well enough to have an executive Costco membership. Like, you're doing big things at that point.

[B]

Big bank take little bank. Like, you know, come on now. So while overweight people sat in her waiting room excited to consult with her about what meal plan and prepared foods they would go home with to punish themselves into losing weight, they could enjoy the smell of vanilla waffle cones being made next door. Some listening right now may be thinking, so what? Your mom worked hard, earned a bag, and bought herself what we Just said. Yep. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lanithia. That's what we're thinking.

[A]

That's exactly what we fucking said. Lanithia. Yes. Some of us is us. Yes.

[B]

Right? Is us. Okay. Call us out. Yes, that's all true. She got the bag. She made the companies that she wanted. And an IRS audit that opened an FBI investigation and discovered that OVI wasn't just making mugs. Keychains to commemorate family vacations and puppy obedience school graduations. All that expensive software and equipment was also making counterfeit bonds. Woo.

[A]

Wow. Mama had multiple irons and multiple fires. She wasn't no fool, yo.

[B]

She is an icon. Counterfeit.

[A]

She's an icon.

[B]

Bonds, bro. And what a better. Like. This is a movie. Lanithia, you shouldn't have wrote this into me, because now I gotta make the movie, like.

[A]

And I'm executive producer on this shit, right?

[B]

Listen, I'll give you a consultant credit. But, like, your mom is a kingpin. Oh, my God. This has everything. The death, the sadness, the new boobs.

[A]

But, like, she fucking pulls herself up by her bootstraps.

[B]

It's got the comedy of, like, fake, you know, mugs and weird T shirts, but really, it's government Boss. Damn, girl. We might not be able to air this episode. Cause this really is a movie. I know y' all still. This is a good movie, too.

[A]

It's fine. I'm literally typing it up right now. Like, literally.

[B]

Like, are you kidding me? So this is. This is better than the Zola story. I'm about to. Y' all about to. Come on. We doing something with this. So Mama was making government bonds. Amen. To this day, my mom will not fully disclose to me how neither of them had to serve any jail time for that.

[A]

Okay, she wins. She wins. Honestly, I think she's won confessions. She won.

[B]

She won. This is my. This is the best. This is the best one. Are you lying to us? I feel like this up.

[A]

This is a story you're just trying to see. This is market research for using this to see how we react to this and whether or not you're gonna actually write the screenplay.

[B]

Did you write. Did you just send us your spec, bro?

[A]

This is a spec, isn't it?

[B]

That's what it's feeling like. Why is this whole episode. Everybody's scamming us. The last letter that we read was just like, hey, sis, have you seen a guy that's Sigil Florida? Also, I work at Amazon. Where's the scam? And then this was all scam. But It's a little too good to be true. And now we like you lying to us.

[A]

Wow, I'm feeling scammed here.

[B]

I am, too. That's the feeling. That's the sensation that I'm getting. Okay, it's not a peppermint Patty. It's a scam. Okay? And we know what you're up to. So to this day, my mom will not fully disclose to me how neither of them had to serve any jail time for that. But all the fancy shit previously mentioned, including Diet Light, were repossessed. Okay, Skip ahead to 2004. I'm graduating high school and headed off to college. My mom is divorcing her con artist husband. She also proceeds to tell me she loves me and supports me, but cannot support me financially for college. I had already done a lot of scholarship work and was not really concerned about it. But my dad, the one who passed away in 1992, was an insurance agent, and for years had heard his sisters and my aunties say things like, we are so grateful your dad has a life insurance policy to take care of you kids. Curious, I asked my mom, is there any of Dad's life insurance money to set aside for college? She then proceeds to tell me how his insurance money became the seed money for OVI and Kingdom of Life Ministries. It also helped buy the house in South Oregon. So that's something positive. Except for it's not a place I ever enjoyed living. I think from the jump, my mom was targeted by this scammer. I actually wonder if he went into the ER that day and met her specifically to prey on a young widow. Ready for part two? What? Okay.

[A]

Of this lifetime scammer story. Wow. Yeah. Now that I'm starting to get more of the details. Yeah, it seems like she got preyed upon.

[B]

Yeah. And like, even the way that this is told, like, it's like we're like, oh, the mom, she finds love. But really, it was that she had a lot of money and she was really sad, and somebody came along and jazzed her life up and then stole her coins. What if they never even really were making money off of these businesses? He was just robbing Peter to pay Paul, and it was all the inheritance that he.

[A]

It's starting to sound like it was. I mean, how do you think this business, they weren't making money? How could Diet Lite? Diet Lite? What does that even mean, Y', all, I'm having existential crisis with this name. I'm just like, who would have gone to Diet Light to. You know what I'M saying, Like, who would have ovi? What is even ovi? That sounds like something I need to see my doctor about.

[B]

So it was the first week of my third year of college when my mom called, extremely upset to tell me that her scamming ex husband died. They had tried to get back together on and off for the past few years, and it never stuck. They even went on a very fancy Hawaiian vacation to see if they could rekindle their spark the previous year.

[A]

I wonder who paid for it.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Who paid for it? I had no plans to attend this funeral, but my little brother convinced me to go to support our mom. This man's funeral was the strangest event I've ever been to in my life. It was hosted by his aunt at her house in North Carolina, where he was found.

[A]

Northern California.

[B]

I'm sorry? Northern California, where he was found dead from a heart attack in the garage loft where he was doing some kind of repair work for her. There was no body viewing or service of any kind. Just a weird gathering. A few people with the extra large Ziploc bags of ashes that were spread out in the backyard by the creek. Ziploc bags of ashes? Is this man fake as death? A few weeks later, my mom starts getting collection calls from a credit card company and it was a joint account listed in her and her husband's name. What I later learned is their divorce was never finalized. He took out a line of credit in their name. She says she didn't know. Then he invited her on a romantic 10 day vacation in Hawaii that she paying for.

[A]

Wow. What did we just say?

[B]

We say my mom hired a lawyer to charges and the credit card company agreed to remove the late fee and reduce some, but not all of the borrowed credit if she provided a death certificate. She got a copy of the death certificate and had her lawyer send it over. You ready for this scam? The death certificate was a forgery. Literally, the same week my mom learned about this scam, she got an email from a longtime Kingdom Life subscriber to say that they were sorry to hear about her husband's passing, but they were a little confused because they were certain they saw him in their city the day before. The email came from a client congregate in Vancouver. My advice to my mom when she went down was let him be dead.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm sorry, I gotta. If you ain't dead, I gotta go ahead and make sure you are.

[A]

Like, I mean, finalize that divorce, sis.

[B]

It says no. I'm happy to report that no one in my family has encountered him or any of his scams since 2007. If Bill is still alive on this earth, he's no doubt running his scams. Absolutely. He's definitely still alive.

[A]

Without a doubt. A motherfucker like that is a survivor.

[B]

He used up all of their credit, took her on vacation with her own guy. No credit. Now, your mama must not be that financially illiterate because when you take out joint accounts like it is, it's easy to hide some stuff. But like, if you call a credit karma or if you look in at your credit often, you're gonna see some stuff on there that you're not paying for.

[A]

She may not have been, you know, the. She just may have been the one that lets the dude take care of all the finances. And she might have been a trusting person. You know, that og, that OG generation. Like some of them really just let their, you know, usually ironically, it's a woman who handles all the finances, but in this case, you know, she probably just let her man handle it and handle it straight into her. An FBI case and,

[B]

and I'm sure she insist. I mean, he insisted on handling it and I mean, who's going to turn down a 10 day luxury vacation, bruh? He probably only brought her on this luxury vacation because he was scared that at some point she might figure out that he was like, she was paying for it.

[A]

You know, this has been an emotional rollercoaster, Lanithia. And yeah, we were rooting for your mom until we found out mom was actually the mark.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm not happy for your stepdad. No, I'm kidding. I'm not rooting for him. He's a bad guy.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sorry. Like, it's. I know we, we said this was the best scam ever in the world, but I don't feel so comfortable saying that anymore. No, I just. Yeah, I'm actually pretty upset that this guy went and basically, you know, what do you call that? Preyed on this woman who had been through enough. She had been through enough, dog. She had a one and a two year old child. She had three. She was a single.

[B]

I just like to me and a five year old.

[A]

And a five year old. Yeah. But like she, you know, like this. She's been through a lot. And you. I don't know, taking advantage of people who are in vulnerable situations. I'm like, take these fucking skills to Wall street. You know what I mean? Take these fucking skills to like the Hamptons. Okay. Like Become a financial planner for rich people and steal their money.

[B]

And that's how you know you really got skill, is if you can, you know, cheat the real people. You know what I mean? Like you out here calling down. Calling grannies and shaking them down. That's just weak, bro.

[A]

It's fucking weak.

[B]

We wanna see scammers with ambition who've got the talent, who've been working hard, who studied their craft. We don't wanna see lazy ass, mediocre scam. Yeah, loser.

[A]

Yeah. We hate you, stepdad Bill.

[B]

We hate you, stepdad Bill. And we know you're alive.

[A]

We know you're alive. And we're gonna fucking find you. We're gonna find you. Listen, Confessions listeners, we're gonna find him, okay? We're gonna find Bill.

[B]

Lysel and I have a very special set of skills.

[A]

A very special set.

[B]

We're gonna neck chop our way through fucking Vancouver until we find your bitch ass, Bill. Okay?

[A]

Neck chopping all day.

[B]

All day, son. Ooh. Ooh. All right, guys. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. On that note. On that chop, that brings us to the end of this season. Oh, my God. Bonus episodes of Confessions. As always, if you want to contact the podcast with real scam stories and not just to chat with me, scammer

[A]

stories, or to try to sell your treatment. Lanizia.

[B]

Right. Scamgodispodmail.com as always, make sure your scam is retired. We don't want you to fuck up your bag or your movie plot. Lanithia. You know, maybe this is already some. Some other movie. We gotta google this plot. I feel like this might already be a movie that's out.

[A]

Right?

[B]

As always, if you want to find me D I V A L A C I D valacy on all platforms,

[A]

Priscilla, you can find me at priscilladaviesactor on ig Q O T, desert on Twitter and. And Tick tock.

[B]

All right, congregation, stay scheming, but maybe not on us.

[A]

Don't. Yeah, not on us. Guys, come on. We don't deserve. What do we do to deserve this? Support all the scams. Come on.

[B]

All right, bye.